Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive
by BKelly95
Summary: Seven continents, fortytwo teams, two hundred and fifty million dollars in prize money, and one serious threat. This can only mean one thing: the Cannonball Run is back.
1. A New Race

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

AN:Greetings and welcome!  
As the title indicates, this is the sequel to Turbo Man's "Cannonball Run 4: High Octane", itself the sequel to Charles Xavier's "Cannonball Run 3: World Tour". I was given the offer to do this in a review for "Cannonball Run 2003". At first, I didn't think I could do it, then I thought about it and realized I could.  
What you are reading is the result of some crazy thinking and some suggestions from Turbo Man (who also wrote Lara's intro because I was having some trouble deciding what to do. I made a few adjustments, though)  
As usual, the characters featured are the intellectual property of their creators. Except where otherwise noted, the cars featured are all from Rockstar Games' "Midnight Club" series and "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas". The concept of a worldwide Cannonball featuring characters from popular television shows, cartoons, movies, books, comics, and video games belongs to Charles Xavier. The characters of Marcus and Regis were created by Turbo Man who also came up with the concepts of Sherriff Cooper DeVille, Jimmy "Dr. Feelgood" DeMarco, and the Lone Wolf.  
Anyways, here we go.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ann Arbor, Michigan. Headquarters of Car and Driver magazine. A crowd of reporters had gathered waiting for the man named Brock Yates. Finally, Brock appeared and the reporters all started asking questions at the same time.

"Settle down, people." said Brock's partner, Mr. X. "Brock has something to say first."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the press." said Brock. "The Cannonball Run is back!" The reporters all cheered. "In one month's time, a new race will be ready to begin its worldwide run. We are awaiting the participants for their entry. Are there any questions?"

A red-headed woman in a yellow jumpsuit raised her hand. "April O'Neil, Channel Six News. Is there any word on the prize money?"

"We are putting up the sum of 250,000,000 to be given to the winning team." said Brock. "Next question."

An older man with glasses and a bandage around his thumb waved. "Les Nessman, WKRP in Cincinatti. What's this we've heard about gadget restrictions?"

"Oh yes. That." said Brock. "As you know, last year one team used a device which gave them an unfair advantage. As a result, this year will see a restriction on gadgetry. Teams will be limited to three useful gadgets. Also, there will be no weapons allowed due to the shootout in Sydney last year. I'm sorry, but it had to be done."

A young man with frizzy blonde hair and glasses raised his hand next. "Matthew Brock, WNYX New York. Is it true that the swimsuit competition will be expanded to non-humans?"

"What swimsuit competition?" asked Brock, confused. "What are you talking about?"

Matthew checked his notes. "Oh, sorry." he said. "I'm in the wrong place."

A dark-haired woman raised her hand. "Pamela Finkelstein, U62. Mr. Yates, you've got this incredible transglobal road race, but you have not yet mentioned who will be broadcasting televised coverage of it. Can you please tell us who will be covering the race?"

"Since you were so kind as to point that out," said Brock "I think we'll give exclusive coverage to, what's your station again?"

"U62." said Pamela.

"We will be giving exclusive coverage to U62." said Brock. The rest of the reporters groaned. "That's all I have to say." he said. "Thank you all for coming."

The reporters continued asking questions as Brock walked away.

"Mr. Yates, what about any possible threats?"

"Sir, how will you be protecting the pize money?"

"Brock, what about your peace talks with Cambodia?" asked Matthew. "Wait a minute."

"What now?" asked Mr. X.

"Have the transcontinental bridges built." said Brock. "Also, send J.J. and Victor to U62 to work with their personel. Also, contact anyone you think can provide protection for the Cannonballers."

"What about Lara and her team?" asked Mr. X.

"I'll call her now." said Brock as he took out his cel phone and dialled.

XXXXXXXXXX

In a garage somewhere in Philadelphia, Lara Croft finished zipping up the red jumpsuit that was to be her racing uniform when her cel phone rang. "Lara." she said, answering.

"Lara?" replied Brock. "This is Brock. It's on."

"Got it." said Lara. She hung up and approached two of her team-mates, Joanna Dark and Chun Li. They were also wearing their uniforms: Joanna in blue and black and Chun Li in white.

"Chun-Li, Joanna. Good to see you again." She said as she nodded hello.

"And you too, Lara." Joanna replied. "It'll be great to be running the Cannonball again."

"Any luck finding a fourth member?" Chun-Li asked Lara.

Lara shook her head. "Mai's off taking part in another Duel Monsters tournament, and Mirai's got to take care of things in Tokyo. Amara and Michelle aren't interested either. "

"Well, do we actually need a fourth person?" Chun-Li asked.

"Sure we do." Lara said. "It's traditional."

"Don't panic, girls. I called in an acquaintance of mine from the secret agent world." Joanna said. "I'm sure she'll fit in nicely."

She turned to the back of the garage and called out.

"Okay, you can come out now."

A woman with short, black hair emerged from the rear of the garage.

"Lara, Chun-Li, I'd like you to meet Cate Archer." Joanna announced.

"Oh, yes. I've heard about you." Lara said as she shook Cate's hand. "A top agent for UNITY."

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Lady Croft." Cate replied. "You and your partners are all women of great renown. Joanna tells me that you need a fourth member for your race team to take part in the Cannonball Run."

"That's right." Chun-Li said. She pointed over to a red Vector M12. "That's our vehicle, the Zender Alpha."

"Looks like the right kind of vehicle for the job." Cate said. "All members of the team take turns at driving, correct?"

"Yes. That's why we need to see if you can handle it before we can accept you as part of the team.". Joanna said. "But I have no doubt you can handle it."

"Well, shall we go then?" Cate asked.

"Let's." said Lara as the ladies entered the car. Cate started it and headed straight for the highway.

As soon as she hit the highway, a Pennsylvania State Police cruiser noticed them and gave chase. It was also about then that the credits and theme song began.

_"Weird Al" Yankovic as George Newman (UHF)  
Michael Richards as Stanley Spadowski (UHF)  
Gedde Watanabe as Kuni (UHF)  
Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes)  
Daffy Duck (Looney Tunes)  
Wile E. Coyote (Looney Tunes)  
Hank Hill (King of the Hill)  
Bobby Hill (King of the Hill)  
Dale Gribble (King of the Hill)  
Bill Dauterive (King of the Hill)  
Boomhauer (King of the Hill)_

**Coming down I'm coming round  
****this time I think I'm waking up.  
Give me loud to drown it out  
before the world starts breaking up.  
You change and then you change again  
turning like a wheel inside your head.**

_Jessie (Pokemon)  
James (Pokemon)  
Meowth (Pokemon)  
Annie (Pokemon)  
Oakley (Pokemon)  
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin  
Nemesis (Resident Evil 3: Nemesis)  
Rob Zombie  
Kermit the Frog (Muppets)  
Fozzie Bear (Muppets)  
Gonzo the Great (Muppets)  
Animal (Muppets)  
Andrew MacCarthy as Larry Wilson (Weekend at Bernie's)  
Jonathan Silverman as Richard Parker (Weekend at Bernie's)  
Terry Kiser as Bernie Lomax (Weekend at Bernie's)_

The Zender left the highway with the patrol car in hot pursuit. After Cate hit the surface street, a second patrol car turned around to chase her, only to be hit head on by the first patrol car. A third car picked up the pursuit.

_Hsu Tanaka (Electronic Gaming Monthly)  
Chan Tanaka (Electronic Gaming Monthly)  
Sushi X (Electronic Gaming Monthly)  
Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)  
Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark)  
Chun Li (Street Fighter 2)  
Cate Archer (The Operative: No One Lives Forever)  
Drew Barrymore as Dylan Sanders (Charlie's Angels)  
Lucy Liu as Alex Munday (Charlie's Angels)  
Cameron Diaz as Natalie Cook (Charlie's Angels)  
Mike Myers as Wayne Campbell (Wayne's World)  
Dana Carvey as Garth Algar (Wayne's World)_

**Yours and mine and left and right.  
There's still two sides to everyone.  
You and I get on with life and pray we'll find a better one.**

_Freddie Prinze Jr. as Freddie Jones (Scooby Doo)  
Sarah Michelle Gellar as Daphne Blake (Scooby Doo) and Buffy Summers (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)  
Linda Cardellini as Velma Dinkley (Scooby Doo)  
Matthew Lillard as Norville "Shaggy" Rogers (Scooby Doo)  
Scooby Doo (Scooby Doo)  
Artemis Fowl (Artemis Fowl)  
Butler (Artmeis Fowl)  
Zach Braff as Dr. John "JD" Dorian (Scrubs)  
Mel Gibson as Mad Max Rockatansky (Mad Max)  
Sam J. Jones as Highway (The Highwayman)  
Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Michaelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Ted Danson as Sam Malone (Cheers)  
Woody Harrelson as Woody Boyd (Cheers)  
John Ratzenberger as Cliff Clavin (Cheers)  
George Wendt as Norm Peterson (Cheers)_

**You change and then you change again.  
Turning like a wheel inside your head.**

_Michael J. Nelson as Mike Nelson (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Gypsy (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Tom Servo (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Crow T. Robot (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)  
Nicholas Brendan as Xander Harris (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)  
Nicolas Cage as Randall "Memphis" Raines (Gone In Sixty Seconds)  
Vin Diesel as Dominic Toretto (The Fast and the Furious)  
Jesse James (Monster Garage)  
Beavis (Beavis and Butthead)  
Butthead (Beavis and Butthead)  
Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)  
Marge Simpson (The Simpsons)  
Bart Simpson (The Simpsons)  
Lisa Simpson (The Simpsons)  
Maggie Simpson (The Simpsons)  
Derek Luke as Jaleel "The Kid" (Biker Boyz)  
Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt (Mission: Impossible)  
Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)_

**Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Two strangers on the mend.**

_Peter Weller as Buckaroo Banzai (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)  
Lewis Smith as Perfect Tommy (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)  
Jeff Goldblum as Sydney "New Jersey" Zweibel (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)  
Jason Statham as Marcus (CR4 by Turbo Man)  
Will Ferrell as Regis (CR4 by Turbo Man)  
Matt Trakker (MASK)  
Bruce Sato (MASK)  
Gloria Baker (MASK)  
Bernard Bernoulli (Maniac Mansion)  
Ben (Full Throttle)  
Sam (Sam and Max)  
Max (Sam and Max)  
Corvax (Muzzy)  
Robert Patrick as the T-1000 (Terminator 2: Judgement Day)  
Kristanna Loken as the T-X (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines)  
Bob Einstein as Super Dave Osbourne (Super Dave)  
Art Irizawa as Fuji Akihito (Super Dave)  
Frankie Muniz as Malcolm (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Justin Berfield as Reese (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Christopher Kennedy Masterson as Francis (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Martin Henderson as Cary Ford (Torque)  
Ashton Kutcher as Jesse Richmond (Dude, Where's My Car?)  
Seann William Scott as Chester Greenburg (Dude, Where's My Car?)_

**Hurry now we're getting out.  
This time there's nothing stopping us.  
Leave behind this vacant town tonight  
****and let it turn to rust.**

Cate raced out of the city with another group of police cars joining the first one. The Zender tore around a turn and swerved to avoid an oncoming car. The police cavalcade rounded the same turn and one of the cars swerved to avoid the car as well. Unfortunately, the move sent him into an embankment which flipped him over.

_Pierce Brosnan as James Bond (Die Another Day)  
Richard Kiel as Jaws (The Spy Who Loved Me)  
Bill Murray as Peter Venkman (Ghostbusters)  
Ernie Hudson as Winston Zeddmore (Ghostbusters)  
Rick Moranis as Louis Tully (Ghostbusters)  
Don Johnson as Nash Bridges (Nash Bridges)  
Cheech Marin as Joe Dominguez (Nash Bridges)  
Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk (Monk)  
Will Smith as Agent J (Men In Black)  
Tommy Lee Jones as Agent K (Men In Black)  
David Duchovny as Agent Fox Mulder (The X-Files)  
Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog)  
Miles "Tails" Prower (Sonic the Hedgehog)  
Knuckles the Echidna (Sonic the Hedgehog)  
Michael T. Weiss as Jarod (The Pretender)  
Johnny Five (Short Circuit)  
Mario (Super Mario Brothers)  
Luigi (Super Mario Brothers)  
Link (The Legend of Zelda)_

**You change and then you change again  
turning like a wheel inside your head.**

_David Hasselhoff as Michael Knight (Knight Rider)  
KITT (Knight Rider)  
Mr. T as B.A. Baracus (The A-Team)  
Dwight Schultz as "Howling Mad" Murdock (The A-Team)  
Wario (Super Mario Land 2)  
Waluigi (Mario Tennis)  
Bowser (Super Mario Brothers)  
Takeshi Kaga as Chairman Kaga (Iron Chef)  
Chen Kenichi (Iron Chef)  
Masahiko Kobe (Iron Chef)  
Tommy Vercetti (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)  
Max Payne (Max Payne)  
Brad Pitt as Lone Wolf (original character created by Turbo Man)_

The Zender entered another town and encountered a roadblock set up by the local constabulary. Cate quickly hit the brakes. The pursuing patrol cars steered around her and managed to avoid a collision with the car...but not the roadblock. Cate used the chaos to turn down a side street. Most of the police cars followed.

_Steve Guttenberg as Carey Mahoney (Police Academy)  
Michael Winslow as Larvell Jones (Police Academy)  
Chuck Norris as Cordell Walker (Walker, Texas Ranger)  
Bubba Smith as Moses Hightower (Police Academy)  
Patrick Warburton as Eugene Tackleberry (David Graf actually played "Tack" in the Police Academy films, but sadly, he is no longer with us)  
Art Hindle as Flash (Speed Zone)  
Marion Ramsey as Laverne Hooks (Police Academy)  
Bruce Mahler as Douglas Fackler (Police Academy)  
Bobcat Goldthwait as Zed (Police Academy)_

with  
_Burt Reynolds as J.J. McClure (Cannonball Run)  
Dom Deluise as Victor Prinsi (Cannonball Run)  
Brock Yates  
Jack Nicholson as Mr. X (CR3 by Charles Xavier)  
Phil Keoghan (The Amazing Race)  
The Big Schwag (Monster Garage)  
Frankie Whiteside (Monster Garage)  
David Spade  
Beck  
Better Than Ezra  
Blues Traveller  
Coldplay  
Counting Crows  
Sheryl Crow  
Lenny Kravitz  
LL Cool J  
Love Fist (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)  
Meat Loaf  
Slash  
Brad Turner (MASK)  
Josh Duhamel as Danny McCoy (Las Vegas)  
Marsha Thomason as Nessa Holt(Las Vegas)  
Mary Lynn Rajskub as Chloe O'Brian (24)  
David Carradine as Sherriff Cooper DeVille (original)  
Mykelti Williamson as Bobby "Fearless" Smith (Boomtown)  
Donnie Wahlberg as Joel Stevens (Boomtown)  
Joe Pantoliano as Jimmy "Dr. Feelgood" DeMarco  
Glenn Close as Commander Alice Foyt_

**Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Two strangers, no relation, on the mend.**

_Eric Etebari as Darden/"Fabio" (2 Fast 2 Furious)  
John Cenatiempo as Korpi/"Fonzie" (2 Fast 2 Furious)  
Troy Brown as Paul Hackett (2 Fast 2 Furious)X  
Corey Eubanks as Max Campisi (2 Fast 2 Furious)X  
Sam Maloof as Joe Osbourne (2 Fast 2 Furious)X  
Troy Robinson as Feliz Vispone (2 Fast 2 Furious)X  
(X These are the other guys who tried out to work for Carter Verone)  
Master P as Johnny B (Gone in Sixty Seconds)  
Reggie Lee as Lance Nguyen (The Fast and the Furious)  
Tanner (Driver)  
Dan Aykroyd as Capt. Tom Everett (Caddyshack 2) and Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)  
Mitzi Martin as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Nichole Hiltz as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Linda Kim as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Mia Trudeau as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Kim Marie Johnson as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Ray Park as the Warrior (original character created by Turbo Man)_

featuring  
_April O'Neil (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Richard Sanders as Les Nessman (WKRP In Cincinatti)  
Andy Dick as Matthew Brock (Newsradio)  
Fran Drescher as Pamela Finkelstein (UHF)  
David Bowe as Bob (UHF)  
The Road Runner (Looney Tunes)  
Giovanni (Pokemon)  
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew (Muppets)  
Beaker (Muppets)  
John Forsythe as voice of Charlie (Charlie's Angels)  
Sarah Chalke as Elliot Reed (Scrubs)  
Donald Faison as Christopher Turk (Scrubs)  
Judy Reyes as Carla Espinosa (Scrubs)  
John C. McGinley as Dr. Perry Cox (Scrubs)  
Neil Flynn as the janitor (Scrubs)  
Bruce Spence as the Gyro Captain (Mad Max 2:The Road Warrior)  
Mark "Jacko" Jackson as Jetto (The Highwayman)  
Mason Strong (Roadkill)  
Spike (Roadkill)  
Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Rhea Perlman as Carla Tortelli (Cheers)  
Mary Jo Pehl as Pearl Forrester (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Bill Corbett as the Observer/"Brain-Guy" (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Kevin Murphy as Professor Bobo (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Joel Hodgson as Joel Robinson (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Mr. Van Dreisen (Beavis and Butthead)_

**Coming down I'm coming round.  
This time I think I'm waking up.  
Give me loud to drown it out  
before the world starts breaking up.**

_Squeaky-Voiced Teenager (The Simpsons)  
Apu (The Simpsons)  
Chief Clancy Wiggum (The Simpsons)  
Principal Seymour Skinner (The Simpsons)  
Edna Krabappel (The Simpsons)  
Snake (The Simpsons)  
Comic Book Guy (The Simpsons)  
Nelson Muntz (The Simpsons)  
Lawrence Fishburne as Smoke (Biker Boyz)  
Dr. Fred Edison (Maniac Mansion)  
Glottis (Grim Fandango)  
Erik Per Sullivan as Dewey (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Harold Ramis as Egon Spengler (Ghostbusters)  
John Cleese as R (Die Another Day)  
Earl Boen as Dr. Peter Silberman (The Terminator)  
Makoto (Midnight Club 2)  
Ichiro (Midnight Club 2)  
Nikko (Midnight Club 2)  
Hiroyuki Sakai (Iron Chef)  
Masaharu Morimoto (Iron Chef)  
Shadoe Stevens__  
Tim Matheson as Jack O'Neil (Speed Zone)  
Mimi Kuzyk as Heather Scott (Speed Zone)  
Jason Bateman as Michael Bluth (Arrested Development)  
Will Arnett as George Oscar "Gob" Bluth (Arrested Development)  
Jane Kaczmarek as Lois (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Bryan Cranston as Hal (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Wildcat (Tale Spin)  
Chad Lindberg as Jesse (The Fast and the Furious)  
Jude Law as Sky Captain (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)  
Giovanni Ribisi as Dex Dearborn (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)  
Queen Latifah as Belle (Taxi)  
Jimmy Fallon as Andy Washburn (Taxi)  
James Best as Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane (The Dukes of Hazzard)  
Jimbo Jones (The Simpsons)  
Dolph (The Simpsons)  
Kearney (The Simpsons)__  
Mike Henry as Junior (Smokey and the Bandit)  
Greg Evigan as B.J. McKay (B.J. and the Bear)  
Jon Heder as Napoleon Dynamite (Napoleon Dynamite)  
Kelsey Grammer as Frasier Crane (Frasier)  
Peri Gilpin as Roz Doyle (Frasier)_

**You change and then you change again.  
Turning like a wheel inside your head.**

_Pepe Serna as Reno Nevada (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)  
Keisuke Takahashi (Initial D)  
Athrun Zala (Gundam Seed)  
Nicol Amalfi (Gundam Seed)  
Dearka Elsman (Gundam Seed)  
Yzak Joule (Gundam Seed)  
Jodi Ann Paterson as Giant Woman (Dude, Where's My Car?)__  
Udo Kier as Yuri (Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2)  
Kari Wurher as Tanya Adams (Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2)  
Cam Jones (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)  
Paul Hogan as Mick"Crocodile" Dundee (Crocodile Dundee)  
Steve Irwin (The Crocodile Hunter)__  
Richard Dean Anderson as MacGyver (MacGyver)  
Hugo Weaving as "Big Donnie" Canaglio (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)  
Dominic Purcell as Alex (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)  
Anthony Simcoe as Rocco (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)  
Kane Hodder as Jason Voorhees (Friday the Thirteenth)  
Andrew Bryniarski as Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre)  
Brad Loree as Michael Myers (Halloween)  
Jonathan Breck as the Creeper (Jeepers Creepers)  
The Tasmanian Devil (Looney Tunes)  
Jacqueline McKenzie as Diana Skouris (The 4400)  
Conchita Campbell as Maia Rutledge (The 4400)  
Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl)  
Moe Szyslak (The Simpsons)  
Bob Denver as Gilligan (Gilligan's Island) (R.I.P.)  
Russell Johnson as Professor Roy Hinckley (Gilligan's Island)  
Dawn Wells as Mary Ann Summers (Gilligan's Island)  
David Caruso as Horatio Caine (CSI: Miami)  
Alex Rodriguez as Eric Delko (CSI: Miami)  
Jeff Perry as Harvey Leek (Nash Bridges)  
Cress Williams as Antwon Babcock (Nash Bridges)  
Carl Lumbly as John Parker (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)  
Laura Harris as Marybeth (The Faculty)  
Josh Hartnett as Zeke Tyler (The Faculty)  
Blanka (Street Fighter 2)  
Chip Foose  
Stalker (G.I.Joe)  
Gung Ho (G.I.Joe)  
Roadblock (G.I.Joe)  
Snake-Eyes (G.I.Joe)  
Steve "Tombstone" Stearle (Monster Garage)  
Chris "Body Drop" Artiaga (Monster Garage)  
Ian Whyte as the Predator (Alien vs. Predator)  
Tom Woodruff Jr. as the Alien (Alien vs. Predator)  
Vernon Fenwick (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Christine (Christine)__  
Richard Roundtree as Officer Kante (original by Turbo Man)  
Ron Perlman as Hellboy (Hellboy)  
Selma Blair as Liz Sherman (Hellboy)  
Doug Jones as Abe Sapien (Hellboy)  
David Hyde Pierce as Voice of Abe Sabien (Hellboy)  
Ladislav Beran as Karl Ruprecht Kroenen (Hellboy)  
Tracy Morgan as Brian Fellow (Saturday Night Live)  
Gerard Butler as Dracula (Dracula 2000)  
Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing (Van Helsing)  
Shuler Hensley as Frankenstein's Monster (Van Helsing)  
John Raimi (Geist)  
Brendan Fehr as Stuntman (Biker Boyz)  
Larenz Tate as Wood (Biker Boyz)  
Rick Gonzalez as Primo (Biker Boyz)  
Dante Baco as Philly (Biker Boyz)  
Dion Basco as Flip (Biker Boyz)__  
Monet Mazur as Shane (Torque)  
Jay Hernandez as Dalton (Torque)  
Will Yun Lee as Val (Torque)  
Denis Leary  
William Sanderson as Larry (Newhart)  
Tony Papenfuss as First Darryl (Newhart)  
John Voldstad as Second Darryl (Newhart)  
Vinnie Jones as the Sphinx (Gone In Sixty Seconds)  
Slimer (Ghostbusters)  
worm aliens (Men In Black)__  
Dietrich Bader as Rex (Napoleon Dynamite)  
Phil Cassidy (Grand Theft Auto III)_

**Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Overdrive we're going life or death.  
Two strangers, no relation, on the mend.**

"Overdrive" by the Foo Fighters

The Zender Alpha roared down the road, with at least twenty police cars behind it, sirens blaring.

"Can you lose these guys?" asked Lara.

"Watch." said Cate.

Up ahead, a sign by the road read SPEED LIMIT: 65 MPH. With a quick movement Cate steered the car towards the wooden sign and crashed right through it. On the other side of the sign was a dirt road. One of the pursuing officers tried to follow but went into the ditch.

"This is pursuit leader." said one of the officers. "I'm breaking off the chase. This is getting too dangerous."

"WHOO!" Chun-Li yelled. "You go, girl!"

"Told you she was good." said Joanna.

"So, what size jumpsuit do you wear?" asked Lara.

"Thanks, but I've already got one." said Cate.

XXXXXXXXXX

J.J. McClure sat in a black Trans-Am at a stoplight. George Newman pulled alongside in a suped-up Nash Metropolitan. They exchanged glances.

"I used to drag race down here back in high school." explained J.J. "That railroad crossing is exactly a quarter mile from here. On green, I'm going for it."

He and George revved their engines. Suddenly, the light went green and the cars took off.

J.J. took an early lead, so George pushed a button marked "Push to go fast" and went faster.

Just then, a train started to approach the crossing. J.J. and George floored their accelerators in an effort to beat the train.

The two cars flew over the crossing a good distance from the approaching train.

J.J. and George traded a look of admiration. J.J. gave his trademark high-pitched laugh.

The two looked back at the road and George noticed a truck had pulled into his path. He let out a scream of terror just before he hit it.

The Nash flipped into the air and came back down hard, smashing itself into twisted metal.

After the Metropolitan came to a rest, J.J. parked and ran over to it. George staggered from the wreckage and stumbled around. "George!" yelled J.J. "George! George! George..."

XXXXXXXXXX

At Station U62, George slept at his makeup table. His friend Bob walked over and yelled "George!"

George woke up and shook his head to completely wake up.

"Mr. Yates is here." said Bob. "Also, the car is ready."

"Thanks, Bob." said George. He got up and walked over to the stage.

Brock sat on the stage as the audience applauded. George walked in.

"Welcome to Town Talk. I am your host, George Newman." announced George. "Today, our guest is Brock Yates, creator of the infamous Cannonball Run."

The audience applauded.

"Mr. Yates, the Cannonball has been called an automotive counterpart to the Bay of Pigs." said George. "How does it feel to have created something so...legendary?"

"Well, when I put together the first race," said Brock "I was just showing what I thought of the national speed limit. I had no idea it would become such a sensation."

"I see." said George. "Anyways, what are your plans for future Cannonballs? Nudge nudge, wink wink."

"Well, I'm glad you asked." said Brock. "We're doing it again."

More applause from the audience.

"Again you say?" asked George.

"Absolutely." said Brock. "The Cannonballers will meet at a predetermined location and then it's adventure time, mates!"

"So, you're running a new Cannonball." said George. "That sounds like it's going to be fun."

"Don't you have an announcement as well?" asked Brock.

"Yes, I do." said George. "Thanks to the efforts of our own Pamela Finkelstein, U62 has secured exclusive broadcasting rights."

The audience cheered again.

"But wait, there's more." said George. "We are not only covering the Cannonball, we're entering it as well."

More cheers.

"Do you have a car yet?" asked Brock.

"Check it out." said George. At the other end of the stage, a pair of curtains opened and revealed a Ford Crown Victoria taxi cab with a hood scoop and racing tires. Kuni, the host of "Wheel of Fish" crouched on the hood in a karate stance.

"Konichi-wa, Yates-san." said Kuni. "Let me introduce you to our entry."

"We picked up this car at Crazy Ernie's Used Car lot." said George. "It was their last sale before Crazy Ernie got picked up for threatening to club that baby seal. We've spent all week suping it up and customizing it. We call it the Super Taxi."

"Nice." said Brock. "Do you think this will give you a chance against the other Cannonballers?"

"I don't think they're anything to worry about." said George.

"Ay, they're so stupid!" said Kuni.

"Don't you have another team member?" asked Brock.

"Oh yeah!" said George. "Of course! Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the host of U62's number one show for the past fifteen years, Stanley Spadowski!"

The audience let out a deafening cheer as Stanley strutted in with veteran Cannonballers J.J. McClure and Victor Prinsi.

"Ah, I see you've met Mr. McClure and Mr. Prinsi." said Brock.

"Oh yeah." said Stanley as he vigorously shook Brock's hand. "It's so nice to meet you, Mr. Yates. Thank you so much for this oportunity."

"We've been training Mr. Spadowski in the ways of Cannonballing." said J.J. "I believe he is fully trained now."

"These guys are all ready for the Cannonball." said Victor.

"And we'll set off for the meeting place right now." said George. "Come on, Kuni."

With that, George, Stanley, and Kuni climbed into the Super Taxi with Stanley driving.

"Remember, folks." said Brock. "The Cannonball starts this week. You have been warned. So, you guys trained Mr. Spadowski to drive, right?"

"That and so much more." said Victor.

"You didn't." said Brock.

"He did." said J.J.

"Okay, let's head for Boston and..." said George. "What's with the mask and cape, Stanley?"

"Da Da DAAAAAAAAHHHH!" called Stanley as Captain Chaos as he started the Super Taxi and raced out of the studio, tearing a hole in the wall.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jimmy DeMarco turned off the television. He knew better than to rest when so much money was on the line. He had become the most successful drug dealer in Miami by not resting when couldn't afford to.

"Tanner, report." he ordered.

Shortly afterward, a tough-looking guy stepped into DeMarco's office. "You called?" he asked.

"Tanner, what do you know about the Cannonball Run?" asked DeMarco.

"Every year, motor madmen from around the world gather to take part in a road race for money." said Tanner. "I heard this year's pot was 250,000,000."

"Exactly." said DeMarco. "But do these motor madmen know how to spend it properly? No. Thus, do they deserve it? No. I know how to use that money and if I have it, it will be used properly."

"So, you want me to enter the Cannonball?" asked Tanner.

"No, Tanner." said DeMarco. "You're a very good wheelman, but even with your skills, victory is not one hundred percent certain. I want you to put together an operation to steal the prize money. I know you have contacts like that."

"I see." said Tanner. "I'll start putting together an operation right now."

"You do that." said DeMarco. "See if you can find Alice J. Foyt. She was the one who tried to stop the Cannonball last year and the year before. She will be especially motivated to help stop the race."

"Alice J. Foyt. Got it." said Tanner. "I'm off."

Tanner left and DeMarco turned to look out the window. "This will be it." he thought. "This will be the one that defines you."

AN:And so it begins. Please, review.


	2. Meet the Teams

AN:I'd like to thank Anthony Bannon for the introduction for Team Rocket, the creation of Regis and Marcus, and the inspiration for Lone Wolf.  
I'd also like to remind you that the cars from this fic come from Rockstar Games' "Midnight Club" and "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" games. In this chapter, the vehicles from Mad Max's intro come from the video game "Roadkill" and the vehicles from the Simpsons' intro come from their game "The Simpsons: Hit and Run". Also, the ice cream truck used by Scooby Doo's team is the Ice Cream Truck from the first "Midnight Club". 

XXXXXXXXXX

With the announcement, Cannonballers the world over mobilized.

**They made up their minds, and they started packing.  
They left before the sun came up that day.  
An exit to eternal summer slacking.  
But where were they going without ever knowing the way?**

**They drank up the wine, and they got to talking.  
They now had more important things to say.  
And when the car broke down, they started walking.  
But where were they going without ever knowing the way?**

**Anyone can see the road that they walk on is paved in gold.  
And it's always summer, they'll never get cold.  
They'll never get hungry.  
They'll never get old and grey.**

**You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere.  
They won't make it home, but they really don't care.  
They wanted the highway.  
They're happier there today.  
Today.**

**Their children woke up, and they couldn't find them.  
They'd left before the sun came up that day.  
They just drove off and left it all beind them.  
(Leaving it all behind)  
Where were they going without ever knowing the way?**

**Anyone can see the road that they walk on is paved in gold.  
And it's always summer, they'll never get cold.  
They'll never get hungry.  
They'll never get old and grey.**

**You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere.  
They won't make it home, but they really don't care.  
They wanted the highway.  
They're happier there today.  
Today.**

-"The Way" by Fastball

XXXXXXXXXX

In the desert...

"Well, after what happened the last two years, I don't blame Oprah for not wanting us back." said Daffy Duck. "Hopefully, Wile E. can get this old Merc ready in time."

"He said he's already got the parts." said Bugs Bunny as he drove the old '49 Mercury Coupe towards town. "It shouldn't take long."

It also didn't take long to find Wile E's garage. The inventive coyote was standing outside the door as Bugs pulled up. Above them, an electric sign reading "McCoy Oteri Garage" flashed on and off. Bugs pulled into the service bay which was filled with dozens of boxes marked "Acme".

Wile E. showed them the design sketches he had made for the car.

"Okay, he's spelled out what we have to do." said Bugs. "He's drawn up the engine diagram, the suspension design, the drivetrain design, and even the paint job he's dreamed up."

"What's this?" asked Daffy.

"Crusero Magnifico?" replied Bugs. "That's the name."

Wile E. pointed to the garage with his thumb.

"Apparently, we have to get started right away." said Daffy. "Let's get crackin'!"

The three started removing anything they were going to replace and started tearing apart the engine. Wile E. ripped open some of the Acme boxes and took out the parts inside them.

Outside, the "McCoy Oteri Garage" sign continued to flash on and off until some of the letters burned out leaving it reading "Coy Ote Garage".

A few days later, the Mercury rolled out of the garage. Aside from the performance modifications, the car had also been painted metallic purple and had gold graphics painted on the sides. Wile E. was driving while Bugs rode in the passenger seat. Daffy rested in the back.

"Well, that was fun." he said. "Now, for the really fun part. On to Boston!"

"Take it away, my coyote friend." said Bugs. Wile E. drove off down the road.

"Say, shouldn't we test this thing and see what it can do?" asked Daffy.

Just then, Wile E. Coyote's longtime adversary, the Road Runner, ran by and beeped.

"Uh oh." said Bugs as Wile E. threw the car into the next gear and took off after the Road Runner.

Wile E. stayed on the bird's tail (so to speak) for a mile or so before reaching the mountains. The Road Runner ran around a hairpin turn, but Wile E. was unable to maintain control. He spun out and slammed into the guardrail. Unfortunately, he didn't have his seatbelt on and was thrown from the car. He hung in mid-air for a second before he plummeted into the canyon.

Bugs and Daffy held up signs reading "8.0" and "9.5".

"I would've given him a ten, but he didn't keep his legs together." said Bugs.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Arlen, Texas, four men stood around a pickup truck staring into the engine bay.

"Yup." said Hank Hill.

"Yup." said Dale Gribble.

"Yup." said Bill Dauterive.

"Yup." said Boomhauer.

"Well, guys." said Hank. "This here is the finest piece of performance machinery to ever come out of Arlen. The Jones J450, a sports pickup like no other. And we've got it."

"It looks so nice." gushed Bill. "I wish I could use this on a daily basis."

"So, Hank." said Dale. "Why don't you tell us what kind of parts you used in this rig?"

"Why don't you ask Boomhauer?" asked Hank. "He's the one who did the mod work."

"I tell you, man." said Boomhauer rapidly. "That there air intake and that ding dang EFI took about a dang ol' week o' wrenchin', you know, crank crank crank crank. Lookin' dang ol' mean, man."

"Uh, yeah." said Dale. "What he said."

"So, I guess we're all ready to go." said Bill.

"Not just yet." said Hank. "There's still one more team member to introduce."

"Hey, dad!" called Hank's son, Bobby. "Are we going yet?"

"Wouldn't leave without you, Bobby." said Hank. "Come on, guys. Let's go."

The four men and chubby, little boy squeezed into the truck's cab, but discovered there wasn't room.

"Come on, man." said Boomhauer. "Que pasa!"

"I say we strap Bill to the hood!" said Dale.

"Dang it, guys!" said Hank. "Someone has to sit in back!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"So." began Giovanni as he surveyed the three agents sitting in front of him. "Once again, it is time for the Cannonball Run to start."

Jessie, James and Meowth looked happy. Giovanni sighed.

"And once again, I have to enter you three in the race! Why I keep doing this is beyond me. In fact why I even keep you three on the team after all your screw-ups is beyond me!"

Giovanni stroked his Persian. He was determined not to lose his temper this time, as it rarely helped the situation.

"Well, boss, last's year's winning team DID give us those driving lessons they promised." Jessie said.

"And that's why I'm worried, considering I met last year's winners!" Giovanni said.

"Oh, boss, it's been a year now. You're not still sore about that are you?" James said.

"How can I be anything BUT sore! I got a keg of beer poured over me! They ruined a perfectly good suit!" Giovanni snapped.

"Well, boss, we've been practicing with the Pirahna PDQ for the past couple of weeks. We can handle it no problem!" Meowth assured him.

"You'd better be able to, because this is your absolute last chance! No more failure will be tolerated this time!" Giovanni warned. "And to make sure of that, I'm sending two more agents with you. With any luck, they will bring Team Rocket victory!"

"Which two agents?" James asked nervously.

Jessie was mumbling into her hands. "Please not Butch and Cassidy. Please not Butch and Cassidy."

"No, it isn't Butch and Cassidy." Giovanni said. "It's two other top agents: Annie and Oakley."

"We thought they were in jail, after that business in Alto Mare." Meowth said.

"They were given two years, and they've served two years, so they're out. They're waiting outside with the car. Go now! And don't fail, or I suggest you get used to saying the phrase 'do you want fries with that'. Understand?"

"YES, SIR!" the three Rockets said as they saluted.

Outside TR HQ, a red and black Ford Focus FR200 was parked. Sitting in the car, filing their nails were Annie and Oakley.

"It's so good to be on the outside again." Annie said.

"Yeah, and this race is going to be great! As long as those three losers don't screw it up!" Oakley grumbled as she saw Jessie, James and Meowth approaching.

"Alright, so let's go." Jessie said as she went to open the front door.

"Uh, excuse me. What are you doing?" Annie asked.

"I'm driving!" Jessie replied.

"Like hell you are, sister!" Oakley said. "We're the senior agents here, so we're driving."

"You're lucky you're still in the team after getting sent up the river!" James retorted.

"I'm driving so move your ass out of the front seat, now!" Jessie yelled.

Annie opened the front door and got right in Jessie's face.

"How'd you like it if I messed your face up, red!" she said.

Meowth bared his claws. "Youse want trouble, youse got it!"

"HEY!" a voice yelled.

They all turned to see Giovanni standing at the HQ entrance, with a megaphone.

"Why are you still here?" he bellowed.

"Well, boss.." Oakley began.

"Get going, NOW!" Giovanni yelled.

Jessie, James and Meowth hurriedly got into the Pirahna PDQ and Annie floored the accelerator.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, two scientists ran out of a laboratory for dear life.

"The Nemesis is going nuts!" yelled one.

"I don't get it." said the other. "He was okay so far, then suddenly."

Nemesis ripped out of the lab and started towards the scientists, roaring all the while.

Just then, a green '68 Firebird roared up and wrestler "Stone Cold" Steve Austin jumped out.

"What seems to be the problem?" he asked.

"It's the Nemesis!" yelled one of the scientists.

"I got it." said Stone Cold. He walked over to Nemesis and said "Hey, what's wrong, bud? Were you lonesome?"

Nemesis shook his head and grunted.

"Were they not treating you right?" asked Stone Cold.

Nemesis shook his head again and grunted.

"Is it because you're afraid of missing the Cannonball?" asked Stone Cold.

Nemesis roared.

"Alright, come on." said Stone Cold as he walked back to the Firebird.

"Where are you going?" asked the scientist.

"We're just going for a little drive." said Stone Cold as he put the car in gear and raced off. "So what do you think of the PT Phoenix?" he asked.

Nemesis flashed a thumbs up.

"I knew you'd like it." said Stone Cold.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else...

"Welcome to my lab." said Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. "Beaker and I have been working non-stop on your vehicle to be used in the Cannonball."

"Thank you, Doctor." said Kermit the Frog as he entered the lab with his teammates Fozzie Bear, Gonzo the Great, and Animal. "If we have a good vehicle, we can probably win."

"I hope so." said Fozzie. "Animal's really looking forward to the race."

"CANNONBALL! CANNONBALL!" yelled Animal.

"The car is in here." said Honeydew. He led them into the other room which had a purple Mini Cooper on the table. "Kermit, I'd like to introduce you to the Modicum XSV."

"That's great, Bunsen, but how do we get it off the table?" asked Kermit.

"Oh, I didn't think of that." said Honeydew. "Beaker, any ideas?"

"Mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi." said Beaker.

"I suggest we all get together and lift it off." said Fozzie.

"Are you crazy?" asked Kermit. "It must weight a ton!"

"I didn't say it was a good suggestion." said Fozzie

"Leave it to me!" said Gonzo. "Everybody in the car!"

"What's he going to do?" asked Fozzie.

"I don't know." said Kermit. "However, I'm too afraid to ask."

The Muppets all climbed into the car except for Bunsen and Beaker. Gonzo was driving.

"Okay, everybody!" called Gonzo. "Here we go!"

Gonzo started the car and raced off the table. The car then smashed through the doors and bounced down the stairs, Gonzo cheering all the way. The car then tore through the front doors to the lab and down the street.

"BYE BYE!" called Animal.

XXXXXXXXXX

At a Cannonball registry, Richard Parker walked back to the sedan he and Larry Wilson had entered.

"What's up?" asked Larry.

"They wouldn't let us enter." said Richard. "Apparently, the Ascent 470ds is in Bernie's name. He has to be present if we want to enter the car."

"Don't they know Bernie is dead?" asked Larry.

"Doesn't look like it." said Richard. "I guess we've got no choice."

"Oh crap." moaned Larry.

"Yup." said Richard.

The two opened the trunk of the car and revealed the corpse of their former boss, Bernie Lomax. He was still wearing the outfit he was wearing when he was murdered and his mouth was twisted in a perpetual smirk. Larry and Richard unfolded a wheelchair and dropped Bernie into it, then wheeled him into the registry.

"Oh, it's you again." said the official when she saw Richard and Larry. "If you can't prove...Oh, Mr. Lomax!"

"Uh, we brought Mr. Lomax to prove our partnership." said Larry.

"He's been up all night." said Richard. "He's dead tired."

Larry scowled at Richard's pun.

"Oh, certainly." said the official. "Here's your entry form. Please, you may use my pen."

After getting registered, the two walked out of the registry with Bernie in the wheelchair.

"Okay, we're all registered for the Cannonball." said Richard as he pushed the wheelchair.

"But we have to have Bernie present all during the race." said Larry.

"No problem." said Richard. "We'll just run the air conditioner the whole time. We'll be..."

Just then, Richard accidentally pushed the wheelchair down the stairs. He was so wrapped up talking to Larry that he didn't notice he was heading for them instead of the wheelchair ramp. Bernie and the chair tumbled all the way to the bottom.

A man ran over to Bernie and said "Yo, buddy. Y'okay?"

XXXXXXXXXX

In an American town, brother video game designers Hsu and Chan Tanaka were walking down a street.

"Tell me again why we're taking this walk?" asked Chan.

"If you must know," said Hsu "the holiday season is far enough away for us to start designing and making our main offering. We are out looking for inspiration."

"Hey, Hsu." said Chan. "What are all those people gathered around?"

Hsu looked at the crowd of people that had gathered and said "I don't know. Let's take a look."

The Tanakas walked over and took a look at what the people had gathered around.

"Dude, the Cannonball rules."

"Sheya, I'm betting Captain Chaos will pull it off again."

"Where do you think they're going this year? I'm hoping for Asia, then Australia, then Africa."

"The Cannonball?" cried Hsu and Chan in unison.

"I can't believe these people are going gaga over a race." said Chan.

"Yes, Chan." said Hsu. "You know what that means."

"We must find a way to capitalize on this!" they said in unison.

"Quick, back to the studio!" said Hsu. "We need to make plans! Maybe we can reuse one of the cars we tested for 'Bad Mileage 2000'."

"Hsu, look out!" yelled Chan as a slate grey Mitsubishi Eclipse raced down the street and stopped just short of hitting Hsu. The driver, a red-clad ninja, climbed out.

"Terribly sorry about that." said the ninja. "Wait, it's you two! Surely, you recognize the visage of..."

"Sushi X!" cried Hsu and Chan, once again, in unison.

"Yes, I remember your help with those robots." said Sushi X. "Might I ask what you're working on right now?"

"Right now, we can't talk." said Hsu.

"That's right." said Chan. "Right now, we have to make plans for the Cannonball Run."

"The Cannonball Run, you say?" asked Sushi X. "Have you a car yet?"

"Uh, we were in the process of getting one." said Chan.

"No, we do not." said Hsu.

"Well, you're free to use mine." said Sushi X. "I'll come along to make sure you win."

"You will?" asked Hsu.

"Thank you." said Chan as they climbed into the car.

"What do you call this thing?" asked Hsu.

"It's called the Amata Crescendo." said Sushi X. "Be careful. It has kind of a kick."

Hsu wrapped his metal claw of a right hand around the gear shift and threw it into first. Within seconds, they were off.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Los Angeles...

"Good morning, Angels." said Charlie by way of his speaker box.

"Good morning, Charlie." said the Angels, Dylan Sanders, Natalie Cook, and Alex Munday.

"As you are no doubt aware, the Cannonball is back." said Charlie. "As usual, I'd like you three to enter."

"No problem, Charlie." said Dylan. "You know we can do it."

"Is Austin going to be working with us again?" asked Natalie.

"I'm afraid not, Natalie." said Charlie. "Austin is on assignment somewhere. Luckily, I was able to find a couple of replacements."

"When will they get here?" asked Alex.

"They should be here about now." said Charlie.

Just then, two men walked into the room. One had long, dark hair, a black t-shirt, jeans with torn knees, and a baseball cap that said "Wayne's World" on it. The other had long, blonde hair, glasses, a white t-shirt, an open flannel shirt, and also jeans with torn knees.

"Whoa!" said the dark-haired one. "Charlie said his girls were pretty, but...whoa!"

"Yeah!" said the blone. "We're talkin' a major babe-fest!"

"I guess our race is called the Cannon-Babe Run."

"I think we need a sign for the window that says 'Babes on board'."

Then, they both said "Schwing!"

"Who are you guys?" asked Natalie.

"Oh, sorry." said the dark-haired guy. "My name is Wayne Campbell, the host of the public-access show 'Wayne's World'. And this, of course, is my lovely co-host Garth Algar."

"Yeah, I'm his lovely co-host." said Garth. "Hey, wait a minute..."

"Charlie, are these the best you could come up with?" asked Dylan.

"I'm afraid so, Dylan." said Charlie. "I caught their show when I went to Chicago last month and they let me come on the show. When I mentioned the Cannonball, they insisted I let them come."

"Does this mean we're going to be traveling around the world with you girls?" asked Garth.

"It does." said Natalie.

"Excellent." said Wayne, winking.

"So, Charlie." said Alex. "Are you planning on donating the prize money to charity again?"

"Of course, Alex." said Charlie. "You'll find your car, the Kuruma Faasuto GT in front of the house. Good luck, Angels, and have fun."

Wayne, Garth, and the Angels went outside and found a green and white sports coupe.

"Wait, the five of us are going to be racing in THAT little thing?" asked Dylan.

"Oh, it's no problem." said Wayne. "Two in the front, three in the back."

"Can you control yourself for just one second?" asked Alex.

"Yeah, you're right." said Wayne. "Excuse me while I turn down the machismo." He then grabbed his nose and pretended to turn it like a knob. "Garth, I gotta do you as well." he added before doing the same to Garth.

"That's better." said Natalie. "But just to be on the safe side, you two ride up front."

"What?" exclaimed Alex and Dylan.

"It's that or someone has to sit with them in the back." said Natalie.

"Let's go, guys." said Garth. "Boston is some ways away."

The Angels climbed into the back seat, then Wayne jumped into the driver's seat. Garth took shotgun. A few seconds later, they were off.

"So," said Wayne "how about a little 'Bohemian Rhapsody'?"

XXXXXXXXXX

In Coolsville...

"Well, gang, here's the vehicle Scoobs and I made for the Cannonball." said Norville Rogers, a.k.a "Shaggy".

"Where is it?" asked his friend, Freddie Jones.

"Yeah, all I see is an ice cream truck." said another of his friends, Daphne Blake.

"It is the ice cream truck." said Shaggy.

"Reah, rat's what re're riving." said Shaggy's dog, Scooby Doo.

"Shaggy, after what happened last year, how can you even look at an ice cream truck?" asked another of his friends, Velma Dinkley.

"Hey, I don't want to look at it, I just want to race it." said Shaggy. "Besides, I can forgive any vehicle built to sell food."

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time someone entered an unusual vehicle in the Cannonball." said Daphne.

"Can't be any worse than the Burrito." said Velma.

"Reah!" said Scooby. "Rey!"

"Can this vehicle perform?" asked Freddie.

"Sure!" said Shaggy. "Come on, get in."

With that, the gang piled into the ice cream truck. Freddie, Daphne, and Velma sat in back as the truck pulled away and started picking up speed.

"It accelerates nicely." said Velma.

"And it seems to be attaining a decent top speed." said Daphne.

"Hey, Shaggy!" said Freddie. "Nice work!"

"Why, thank you!" said Shaggy as he turned around.

"Shaggy, shouldn't you be watching the road?" asked Daphne.

"Of course not, Scoobs' driving." said Shaggy.

"What?" yelled Freddie, Daphne, and Velma.

In the driver's seat, Scooby laughed.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Dublin, the twelve-year-old criminal mastermind known as Artemis Fowl sat at a table at a sidewalk cafe with his personal assistant Butler.

"So, Butler." he said. "Once our teammate gets here, we'll be ready to head off to America for the Cannonball Run."

"Are you sure our vehicle is up to the challenge?" asked Butler.

"Quite positive." said Artemis. "I spent a while finely tuning the engine to a point where it could be used in a vehicle that would not attract attention."

"I know." said Butler as he looked at a red newspaper van. "I'm looking right at the Crown Mail and I still don't buy it as a racing vehicle."

"I believe this is our teammate." said Artemis as a frizzy-haired man in doctor's scrubs walked over to them.

"Excuse me, young man." he said. "I'm looking for an Artemis Fowl."

"That would be me." said Artemis. "I'm quite used to people not expecting me. Dr. John Dorian, I presume?"

"You can call me 'J.D.'" said Dorian. "What's up?"

"I'm taking part in the infamous Cannonball Run." said Artemis. "As you can tell, I'm too young to have a driver's license."

A waiter walked over and asked "Would you like something to drink?"

"Sprite. Leave the bottle." said J.D.

"Butler will be doing the driving chores," said Artemis "but he was seriously injured recently. I'll be needing a medical professional, namely yourself, to keep an eye on him."

"How serious are the injuries we're talking about?" asked J.D. as the waiter brought him his Sprite.

"We've had some fairy magic to heal him." said Artemis. "However, he still aches once in a while. I ask you to keep an eye on that."

"What kind of compensation can I expect?" asked J.D.

"You will be given a fair share." said Artemis. "A decent third of the 250,000,000 prize. That would be around 80,000,000."

"Sounds good, I accept your offer." said J.D.

As he tried to open his bottle of Sprite, J.D. thought "When I think of what I can do with that money..."

(Cue daydream)

J.D. sat on a pile of money throwing it into the air and letting it float back down to him. In the background, wind instruments were playing "We're In the Money". The janitor from J.D's hospital, Sacred Heart, walked by sweeping up the money.

(End daydream)

"No, that's not right." thought J.D. as he got the bottle open and started to pour his Sprite. "It's too old-fashioned, too cliched. I need something more flashy, more modern, more...like a music video!"

(Cue daydream)

J.D. quickly threw on a Scarface-type suit as pop music played in the background.

**Push it to the limit.  
Walk along the razor's edge.  
But don't look down, just keep your head  
and you'll be finished.**

J.D. joined his friends Elliot Reed, Christopher Turk, and Carla Espinosa and walked towards a waiting limo.  
(AN:To those not familiar with "Scrubs", Elliot's a woman.)

**Hit the wheel and double the stakes.  
Throttle wide open like a bat out of Hell  
and you crashed the gates. (Crashed the gates!)**

J.D. wrote the name Nikki on one of those "Hi, my name is " tags and called over his superior, Dr. Perry Cox, who was wearing a nametag that read "Hi, my name is Courtney". When Dr. Cox reached him, J.D. took off the "Courtney" nametag and replaced it with the "Nikki" nametag.

**Going for the back of beyond.  
Nothing gonna stop you.  
There's nothing that strong.  
So close now, you're nearly at the brink  
so push it! (Oooh yeah!)**

J.D. led his friends into his mansion's back yard. He showed them his latest purchase: an elephant that was sitting on Turk's Volvo.

**Welcome to the limit.  
Take it maybe one step more.  
The power game's still playing so  
you'd better win it.**

**Push it to the limit.  
With no one left to stand in your way.  
You might get careless, but you'll never be safe  
while you still feel it.**

**Welcome to the limit.  
Standing on the razor's edge.  
Don't look down, just keep your head  
and you'll be finished.**

J.D. and his friends sat at a dining room table as the new butler carried over a bottle of champagne. When he reached J.D, the butler turned out to be Sacred Heart's janitor. He took out his penknife, cut the cork off the bottle, and poured the champagne into J.D's lap.

**Push it to the limit**

-"Scarface (Push It To The Limit)" by Paul Engemann

(End daydream)

J.D. snapped back to reality and discovered that his Sprite had overflowed his glass and was now spilling into his lap. He tried mopping it up with his napkin and asked Artemis "Do you have a sponge?"

XXXXXXXXXX

In Blister Canyon, a tough crawled from the wreckage of his dune buggy as "Mad Max" Rockatansky walked over with a crowbar.

"Oh, come on!" growled the tough. "It's not worth that!"

"Sorry, mate." said Max. "But I need this more than you do." He then went about prying the car's rear axle off and pulling the engine out. "These will go much better in the Baja Buggy than your Drifter."

"If I were you, I'd put those back in the Drifter." said one of the tough's fellow gang members. "Keep in mind this is Talon turf."

"I kept that in mind." said Max as he started winching the axle and engine assembly into his van. "That's why I brought friends." he added as a gyrocopter few overhead. The pilot dropped a few smoke bombs on the Talons. Max ran to his van, started it, and drove off in the chaos.

"Nice to see you made it." said the Gyro Captain.

"Thanks, but I don't know if the Shag can last until we reach the garage." said Max.

"Then you'll be happy to see them." said the Gyro Captain as he pointed to a Lotus and a diesel truck. "Say hello to Mason and Spike in the Omega and Highway and Jetto in the Rigg.

"Looks like the Gyro Captain's friend has company." said Spike from the Lotus' passenger seat.

"Good thing the Omega is a company car." said Mason.

"G'Day, mate!" cheered Jetto from the truck's turret. "We're here to help."

"Don't get too cocky, Jetto." warned Highway, driving the truck.

"Hang on, you guys!" said Max. "The garage is just over this bridge and through that mountain."

After crossing the bridge, the cars drove through the tunnel under the mountain. The Gyro Captain dove a little and swerved to avoid the Rigg and Omega, which were stopping.

"Let's close the tunnel." said Spike. "It'll take them hours to go around the other way."

He and Jetto fired on the rocks above the tunnel and it quickly collapsed.

"Oy!" yelled Jetto. Max drove to the garage and used the engine hoist in the back of the Shag to move the engine/axle assembly into the garage. Already in there was an orange sand rail. The only pieces missing were the ones Max had just acquired.

"What is this?" asked Highway.

"This is the Baja Buggy." said Max as he started to wheel the assembly over to the rest of the vehicle. "It's my entry in the Cannonball Run."

"Need help?" asked Highway.

"If you got any." said Max. "The way I figure it, the Talons will have to get here by going around the long way. Plus, they'll have to go through Section Eights territory. I should have enough time to bolt this thing into place. If it holds, I can weld it at a more opportune moment."

"We'll cover you." said Mason. "All the way to Boston if we have to."

Outside, a brown Buick Riviera parked across the street. The driver looked at the garage and said "Where are you, Max?"

An hour later...

"It's a good thing the Section Eights were being reasonable today." said one of the Talons. "Now, let's find that guy and get our junk back."

Just then, the Baja Buggy raced out of the garage. Max was driving while Highway rode in the back. "Let's get out of here!" yelled Highway.

"I know the way." said Max as he steered towards the bridge that was in pieces leading away from the tunnel. He started jumping the large gaps with the Omega and Rigg right behind him. The Talons stopped and shook their fists. They couldn't follow.

"Time to dance." said the Buick's driver as he started after them.

"Now, it's party time." said Highway.

(Note to Roadkill fans: I bet you were wondering where that bridge went.)

XXXXXXXXXX

In Florida, a group of cars drove down the highway. The driver of an Olsmobile Cutlass, the Sabre, answered his ringing cel phone.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Is this Dane Korpi?" asked Tanner on the other end.

"Yes."

"Hold on a second."

A second later, the cel phone of the driver of the Mustang, a.k.a. the Stallion, next to Korpi rang and the driver answered.

"Yello?"

"Is this Scott Darden?" asked Tanner.

"Yeah."

"Now that I've got you both on the line, I have a proposition for you." said Tanner.

"Go ahead." said Korpi.

"I'm sure you're both familiar with the Cannonball Run." said Tanner.

"Yeah." said Darden.

"Well, here's the deal." said Tanner. "We'd like to hire the two of you to help my boss do something about it, if you catch my drift."

"Yeah, I catch your drift." said Darden.

"Where should we meet?" asked Korpi.

"You're near Miami, right?" asked Tanner. "How about South Pointe Park?"

"Sounds good." said Darden.

"We're there." said Korpi.

"Good." said Tanner. "I've got some other guys meeting us there as well. I'll see you there."

XXXXXXXXXX

In New York City...correction: UNDER New York City...

"I'm still surprised we got asked to be in the Cannonball." said Leonardo.

"Whoa, you said it, dude!" replied Michaelangelo. "I can't believe they asked four giant, talking turtles who practice ninjitsu to boogie this bash."

"I'm ready to kick some serious shell." said Raphael. "Might even stop people from associating turtles with 'slow'."

"Patience, my turtles." said their ratsensei, Splinter. "Nothing will be gained by rushing into the fray recklessly. Although I do wish for your victory."

"We'll be able to practice when Donatello gets back with the car." said Leonardo. Just then, he heard a low rumble coming from the tunnels outside. He, Michaelangelo, Raphael, and Splinter rushed out to see what had shown up. They found Donatello driving a tricked-out but rather junky Ford Escort.

"Hey, guys!" said Donatello. "I rescued it from the junkyard. What do you think?"

"Whoa, nice wheels, dude!" said Michaelangelo.

"Yeah, wish I could say the same for the rest of the car." said Raphael.

"Come on, guys!" said Donatello. "The Cocotte wasn't in that bad condition and the junkyard didn't have anything else on our budget."

"It's nice, Donatello." said Leonardo. "But you should have made the roof at least two feet taller."

"Why?" asked Donatello.

"So I can practice while we're driving." said Leonardo as he drew his katana blade.

"Are we doing this or what?" asked Raphael.

"Yeah, guys." said Donatello. "Let's go."

"Master Splinter, I swear that we will honor your training and perform to the best of our ability." said Leonardo.

"Good luck, my turtles." said Splinter. "May your long and challenging road lead to victory."

The turtles climbed into the Cocotte and Donatello started the car. He went to put the car in gear, only to have the gear shift break off in his hand.

"Uh, does anyone have any chewing gum?" he asked.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Boston, Massachusetts tavern known as Cheers...

"Reports from all over the world are saying that people are stepping up for the Cannonball Run." announced the reporter on television. "The racers are reporting to a cruise ship docked here in Boston for the pre-race party."

"Hey, Sam." said bartender Woody Boyd. "Everyone else is going to the starting place. Shouldn't we?"

"I wish we could." said head bartender Sam Malone. "Unfortunately, we can't use the Corvette because it only seats two and we don't have anything else that we could use."

"The post office is giving me some time off." said postal worker and bar regular Cliff Clavin. "Maybe we can negotiate the use of a brand new postal vehicle."

"That's great." said waitress Carla Tortelli. "Then you can be the first team to the wrong address."

Just then, another bar regular, accountant and painter Norm Peterson, entered and said "Afternoon, everybody."

The entire bar responded by calling out "Norm!"

"Like something with a head, Mr. Peterson?" asked Woody.

"Hopefully, the head of my last client." groaned Norm as he sat on his usual barstool.

"Care to talk about it?" asked Sam.

"Well, the guy can't pay me," said Norm "so he offers me first dibs on his car. He's selling it for ten grand."

"Wait, he wants you to pay him for you working for him?" asked Woody.

"Yeah." said Norm.

"Wow, just like back in Hanover." said Woody. "A friend of mine painted the police station and they asked him to pay them for the job."

"Woody, did the police ask him to paint the station?" asked Sam.

"No." said Woody. "Oh!"

"What kind of car is it?" asked Cliff.

"It's a Honda Civic." said Norm. "One of those street racer ones. He gave me a picture to think it over." Norm took out a picture of the car and showed it to the guys.

Sam looked at the picture. It showed a white Honda Civic with sky blue side stripes. "Not bad." he said.

Cliff looked at it and said "It's not American, but I like it."

Woody gave it a look and said "Wow, makes a normal one look...you know, normal."

"He calls it the Citi." said Norm.

"I think we should buy this car." said Sam. "Then we can use it in the race."

"He's not selling it to anyone unless I say so." said Norm.

"I'll give you the money." said Sam.

"Yeah, but...it's the principle of the whole thing." said Norm.

"I'll clear your tab for the past year." said Sam.

Norm jumped off his stool and ran for the door. "If we hurry, we can get there before the bank closes." said Norm. Sam ran out from behind the bar and after Norm. Cliff followed. Woody jumped over the bar and followed them.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in time and space...

"Okay, Mike." said Pearl Forester. "Let's see what you're up to this time."

Pearl then opened a communications channel to an orbiting space station called the Satellite of Love. Instead of finding its captive residents, she found a few pieces of junk made up to resemble two robots and a crash dummy wearing a green jumpsuit.

"What is going on here?" she asked.

"Pearl, it looks like Mike and the bots have made another escape attempt." said the Observer. "And it looks like they succeeded this time."

"I dunno." said Professor Bobo. "I think they're looking pretty good."

"Brain-guy, where are they?" asked Pearl.

"There appears to be an escape pod missing." said the Observer. "I'll have that onscreen...now. Oh no!"

On the screen, the escape pod was seen plummeting through the Earth's atmosphere and burning up. Bobo screamed in shock. The Observer just repeated "No!" numerous times.

Pearl started to cry and wimpered "They chose to die instead of staying on the satellite. Why? What did I ever do to them?"

"Well, there is the experiment." said the Observer.

"Oh, hush!" yelled Pearl. "And give me the phone book! We need to find replacements."

In outer space, a green Volkswagen Passat with a heat shield welded to the front bumper drifted towards the Earth. Inside were Mike Nelson and his robot friends.

"I think we pulled it off, guys." said Crow, a gold-colored robot whose head was made up of a lacrosse helmet and a split bowling pin for a nose.

"Yeah, we're well on our way to Earth and the Cannonball." said Tom Servo, a red robot whose head was a gumball machine and whose legs were replaced by a hover skirt.

"Present course will take us to Boston in about two days." said Gypsy, a female robot colored gray and purple. She had a long metal tube for a neck/body, a discarded baby seat for a head, and a flashlight for an eye.

Mike opened a communications channel to Joel Robinson, his predecessor on the satellite. "Thanks, Joel." said Mike. "You really got us out of that one."

"Anytime, guys." said Joel. "You know, I'm still surprised I got an entire Volkswagen Passat through the Umbilicus."

"Well, we're out and ready to rock." said Mike. "The car has been completely modified and we're all set for the race."

"Don't you worry, guys." said Joel. "The Emu is one of the best vehicles I could find. You'll do well, mark my words."

"Okay, bye." said Mike as he closed the channel. "So, what can we watch until we touch down?"

"Ooh! 'The Fast and the Furious' is on." said Crow.

Mike turned on the monitor and they started watching the movie.

Onscreen, Jesse asked "Was that fun?"

"No, I lost!" snapped Tom.

Jesse popped the hood and was greeted by a cloud of smoke.

"Well, I see the fries are just about done." joked Mike.

"What are you smiling about?" asked Dom onscreen.

"I made tinkles." giggled Crow.

XXXXXXXXXX

Los Angeles, California. Buffy Summers and her friends were attending a local street race.

"'57 Chevy." said Buffy's friend, Xander Harris, as he showed off his uncle's car. "This is a real classic."

"I see that." said the street racer Xander was trying to impress. "Tell me something. Can it waste the Torrida?"

"The Torrida?" asked Xander.

"Uh, my car." said the racer as he pointed out an orange Acura Integra.

"Nice." said Buffy. "How about a race between you two?"

"Sounds great." said the racer. "Let's go."

"Not now." said Buffy's other friend, Willow Rosenberg. "How about tomorrow morning at eleven?"

"Morning's no good." said the racer. "Now."

"Oh, what's wrong?" asked Willow. "Working? College?"

"No, I think it's because the sun does really nasty things to the undead." said Buffy.

"No, it's not because of that." said the racer.

"Then why didn't your reflection show up in my compact?" asked Willow.

Confronted with the new evidence, the racer showed his true form, that of a vampire. "So you discovered my little secret. But I don't think you'll..."

He was cut off when Buffy tossed a stake into his heart and disintegrated him.

"If you're going to kill, then kill." Buffy told the dust pile. "Don't talk."

"Let's get his car." said Willow.

"Get his car?" asked Xander.

"I'm taking part in the Cannonball again and none of my previous teammates are available." said Buffy. "I've decided to bring you and Willow and we're going to use this guy's car."

"What about my uncle's car?" asked Xander.

"Xander." chimed Buffy as Willow climbed into the backseat of the Torrida.

Xander tapped the hood of the Chevy and said "Catch ya later, bud."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Long Beach, Dominic Toretto drove to a small garage with an old Shelby Mustang parked next to it. He climbed out of his car and entered the garage to find his Cannonball partner Randall "Memphis" Raines standing next to an old muscle car. Two legs were sticking out from under the car swaying side to side as ratcheting sounds were heard.

"So, I see you've got a new car for us." said Dominic.

"Yeah, what do you think?" asked Memphis.

"Lookin' good." said Dominic. "1971 Bestia, right?"

"Yeah, nasty little sucker." said Memphis. "Hopefully, we'll do better than second this year."

"Nasty is good for the Cannonball." said Dominic. Suddenly, the ratcheting sounds stopped.

"Yeah, it had better be since 250,000,000 is on the line." said Memphis. A clatter sounded as the mechanic dropped his wrench.

"And we're just about ready to go." said Dominic. The mechanic then rolled out from under the car and jumped to his feet.

"Oh, Dom. Let me introduce you to our mechanic." said Memphis. "But I don't think he needs an introduction."

"Jesse James!" said Dominic as he shook the man's hand. "I watch 'Monster Garage' all the time."

"You're kind of a legend yourself, Mr. Toretto." said Jesse. "King of the streets. Live your life a quarter mile at a time."

"This is the guy who pumped up the Bestia." said Memphis. "Now, she's ready for war. So, Jesse, what are the damages?"

"Well, you've got a choice." said Jesse. "First, you can take me with you."

"What?" asked Memphis.

"Make this a three-fer." said Jesse. "The Cannonball has always been a dream of mine."

"Uh, gee, I'm not sure." said Memphis.

"What if we don't bring you?" asked Dominic. "What's our other choice?"

"A million bucks, right here, right now." said Jesse as he held out his hand, displaying a tatoo of a dollar sign and the words "Pay up, sucker."

"We gotta take him with us." said Memphis.

"Alright, but you're driving." said Dominic.

The three men climbed into the Bestia. Jesse climbed behind the wheel and started it.

"I put most of the car's equipment in the back." said Jesse.

"To improve the weight distribution?" asked Dominic.

"Yeah, but mostly to do this." said Jesse.

He floored the accelerator and popped a wheelie as he tore out of the garage.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Highland...

"They're running the Cannonball again." said Butthead. "Too bad Corvax has new teammates."

"Maybe we should enter by ourselves again." said Beavis.

"We need a car, dumbass." said Butthead.

"Let's enter the lawn mower." said Beavis.

"Shut up, buttmunch!" said Butthead.

"Hey, what's that place?" asked Beavis.

"I dunno." said Butthead. "Let's check it out."

The two walked over to a row of garage doors.

"I never saw this place before." said Beavis.

"Me neither." said Butthead. "They must've just put it in."

They walked past a sign that read "Highland Auto School. Est. 1972".

They entered the building and found Mr. Van Dreisen leading the class. A silver Honda S2000 sat in the middle of the room.

"Welcome to our auto tuning class, students." said Mr. Van Dreisen. "And thanks to Billy for bringing in his Honda 2000, the Interna."

"Huh huh, he said 'Intern'." laughed Butthead.

"Yeah! Yeah!" laughed Beavis. "Intern. Heh heh!"

"Let's get in." said Butthead.

Beavis and Butthead snuck over and climbed into the car.

"Do any of you have any questions for Billy?" asked Mr. Van Dreisen.

"I do." said one student. "What kind of modifications did you put into the car?"

"I made many modifications." said Billy. "I added a turbocharger, cold air intake, and new ECU. I also lightened it a little and beefed up the suspension."

"Heh heh, he said 'beef'." laughed Beavis.

"Watch this." said Butthead. "So, how do you start this thing?"

"Oh, that's easy!" said Billy. "You just push the start button."

"Thank you." said Butthead as he pushed the start button.

"Hey! Wait!" yelled Mr. Van Dreisen as Butthead drove out of the garage.

On the road, Beavis and Butthead laughed about their stunt.

"That was cool!" said Butthead.

"Let's try the radio." said Beavis. He turned on the radio and they started headbanging to the music.

"This rocks!" said Butthead. "What is this?"

"Sounds familiar." said Beavis. "Ah! It's Winger!"

"Turn it off! Turn it off!" yelled Butthead.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Springfield, the Squeaky-Voiced Teenager was driving home. Suddenly, he found the street blocked off by Apu's Longhorn.

"What the hell is going on here?" yelled the teenager.

"I'm terribly sorry, but the street is closed." said Apu. "I'm afraid you'll have to find another way home."

"Damn street racers!" said the teen. "I'm calling the cops on you."

"Street racing downtown, eh?" said Chief Wiggam into his radio. "I'm in the area. I'll look into it." He then climbed out of his police car which had lowered suspension, neon underglow, and a snazzy body kit. "Okay, people! Let's fire it up!" he yelled.

Principal Skinner pulled up to the starting line in a fully modified Honda Civic. "I'm ready to educate this guy a new one." he said.

"But, Seymour, you put up the title on the Citi Turbo for this race?" asked his ex-fiance, Edna Krabappel. "Why would you do that?"

"Trust me, Edna." said Skinner. "If I should win, the reward will be invaluable."

"Dad, why did you promise to help me with my homework if you lost?" asked Bart Simpson.

"It was the only wager he would accept." said his dad, Homer. "Joke's on him. Within a week, he'll be begging me to stop helping you."

Snake closed the hood on his Li'l Bandit and turned to Homer. "Okay, she's all ready to run." he said. "You can have her for this race, but I get her right back."

"Relax, I'll treat it like it was mine." said Homer. He then pulled up next to Skinner. "Sucker." he said.

"Okay, the parameters of this race are so simple, even a Pakled can understand them." said Jeff Albertson,the manager of a local comic book shop, the Android's Dungeon. "The next intersection is exactly a quarter-mile from this one. You go when I say and the first one there is the winner. Are you ready?"

Homer and Skinner revved their engines. Jeff held up his hands. "Ready! Go!" he called as he dropped his hands.

Both cars raced off of the line. The Li'L Bandit took a quick lead.

"Go, Homie!" cheered Homer's wife Marge as she held their infant daughter Maggie.

"Yay, Dad!" cheered Homer's other daughter, Lisa.

Homer continued to power down the street keeping a slight lead on Skinner. The two cars raced across the finish line within seconds with Homer in the lead. After winning, he jumped out of the car and started dancing around and chanting "Two, four, six, eight! You suck, I'm great! La da! La da! You I hate!"

Skinner climbed out of his car. "Oh, I almost had you." he groaned.

"You almost had me?" replied Homer. "You never had me! You never had your car! Granny shifting, not double-clutching like you oughta. Ask any racer, any real racer. It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning is winning."

"Worst...impression...ever." pronounced Jeff.

"Fellow Springfielders, I plan to bring glory to this town by defending my win in the Cannonball Run." said Homer. "I plan to bring my family and use my new car."

The people of Springfield cheered as Homer's family joined him. Skinner just laughed. "Do you really think I'll actually be held to your wager?"

A few minutes later, the Simpsons were driving off in the Citi Turbo, leaving Skinner standing on the corner fuming. Local youth Nelson Muntz walked over and laughed "HA ha!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in California, a street race among motorcyclists was raging.

"Alright!" yelled one biker. "While the motor madmen of the world are heading off to run the Cannonball, we are here to show who's best among the riders of this city."

The others cheered. "We'll show them who the real riders are." said another. "I'll take the first race."

"I'll take you on that." said another. Everyone recognized him as Jaleel, a.k.a "the Kid", the leader of the Biker Boyz motorcycle gang.

"You want it, Jaleel?" said the biker. "You got it. Whatcha running?"

"This bike right here." said Kid as he showed off a yellow motorcycle. "Meet the Cohete."

"I'll be saying 'see ya' to it in a second." said the biker.

Kid and the other biker pulled up to the starting line. Another stood between them to start the race. Kid looked down the street and focused it into a tunnel. A second later, the race was started.

The two ran their bikes as quickly as they could, but Kid took a quick lead. His rival tried to keep up, but he still fell back. Within seconds, Kid had won the race.

"Good race, man." said Kid.

"You got lucky." said his opponent.

"Let's see how lucky I am in the Cannonball." said Kid.

"What was that?" asked his opponent.

"I was just seeing if the Cohete was worthy for the Cannonball." said Kid. "I'm on my way."

"You've got your skills." said a voice. "Hopefully, you can keep your focus."

Everybody turned to see whose voice it was. It turned out to be Kid's former rival...

"Smoke." said Kid.

"If you remember what your father taught you, you'll be unstoppable." said Smoke.

"I got it." said Kid. "Wish me luck."

"Fine, good luck." said Smoke. "And remember: burn rubber..."

"...not your soul." said Kid.

"Good." said Smoke as he knocked hands with Kid. "Knock 'em dead."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else...

"Where is it?" asked the professor.

"It's in here." said the assistant. "Let me get that for you." The assistant punched in the code to open the door and revealed a red Mazda RX-7.

"So, this is the Monstruo." said the professor. "It's everything I heard."

"And so much more." said the assistant. "Would you like to work alone?"

"Yes, that would be fine." said the professor.

"Very well." said the assistant as he left. The professor went to work hooking up his laptop to the Mazda's onboard computer.

"I have to disarm this bomb." he muttered to himself.

Behind him, a grate fell open and a tough-looking guy crawled out.

"How's it look, Ethan?" asked the man, the legendary Solid Snake.

The professor pulled off his mask and revealed himself to be IMF agent Ethan Hunt. "This thing's got a bomb on board that could put a serious hole in the world." he said. "I'm trying to disarm it."

"Are we going to use this in the Cannonball?" asked Snake.

"If I don't blow us up first." said Ethan. "There, I got it." He packed up his laptop and got into the car.

"It's not gonna...blow?" asked Snake.

"It's perfectly safe." said Ethan. "Come on."

"Alright." said Snake. He climbed into the car and they took off.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Texas, a red Dodge Viper race car sat in the desert with scientific personel all around it.

"What does Doctor Banzai say it'll do?" asked a scientist.

"Nearly two hundred." said another. "Here he comes."

At that moment, the project leader, Buckaroo Banzai, walked to the Viper. He opened the door and climbed in.

"This is Doctor Buckaroo Banzai beginning the field test of the Jersey XS."

"Copy, Buckaroo." said the scientist. "Prepare to start."

Buckaroo started the car and pushed it into gear. "Car is started. Preparing to go."

"That's an affirmative, Buckaroo." said the scientist. "Ready? Three, two, one, go!"

Buckaroo floored the accelerator and the car took off. Buckaroo continued to accelerate until he reached a high rate of speed. A minute later...

"A hundred and ninety has been achieved." said Buckaroo. "Initiating phase two."

"Phase two?" asked the scientist. "Clarify, Buckaroo. What's phase two?"

"That's a big no-can-do." said Buckaroo as he activated a switch on the dashboard. The car's headlights glowed yellow and the car jumped to an incredibly fast speed.

Some distance away, two of Buckaroo's Hong Kong Cavaliers, Perfect Tommy and Sydney "New Jersey" Zweibel were waiting for him.

"Where is he?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"He'll be here." said Sydney as he rubbed his ankle with an electronic bracelet around it.

Just then, the Jersey XS returned to normal speed and stopped in front of the two.

"How'd it work, Buckaroo?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"The Hyperthruster worked perfectly." said Buckaroo. "I checked the rules and it's completely legal."

"Don't remind me." said Sydney as he held up his leg so Buckaroo could see his ankle bracelet.

"Keep in mind that's for bringing the Overthruster last year." said Buckaroo. "So, are we going?"

"Yeah." said Perfect Tommy.

"I got shotgun." said Sydney.

"Boston, here we come." said Buckaroo.

XXXXXXXXXX

In L.A...

"We've got these two for breaking and entering." said the cop as he stuck Regis into the police cruiser. "Let's see if we can find more evidence on them."

"Wait, we're innocent!" cried Regis.

"Sure you are." said the arresting officer. "Sure you are."

"You had to pick this apartment, didn't you?" said Regis' brother, Marcus.

"Well, how was I supposed to know this would be the next place to be robbed by the L.A. Bandit?" asked Regis.

"Looks like we're going to be out of the action for a while." said Marcus.

Just then, a report came over the radio. "Be on the lookout for Cannonballers. The race is starting up again. Over."

"Did you hear that?" asked Regis.

"We have to get out of here if we're gonna make the start." said Marcus.

"Okay, at the count of three." said Regis as he and Marcus crawled up to the cage between the front and rear seats. Their action was a little harder than usual due to the handcuffs on their wrists. "One! Two! Three!" Then he and Marcus shoulder rammed the cage and knocked it out of the space.

"Come on!" said Marcus. Regis climbed into the front passenger seat and Marcus stumbled into the driver's seat. He accidentally hit Regis in the back of the head and muttered "Sorry."

"Hey, they left the keys in the ignition." said Regis.

"Good." said Marcus as he bit the keys and started the car. Then he bit the gear selector and put it into overdrive. "I'll steer. You work the pedals."

Right then, the cops stepped out of the building. The one who arrested Marcus and Regis asked "So this piece of evidence exonerates them?"

"Sure does." said the other. "Let's go let them go."

Just then, the L.A. Cop Car raced by with the two brothers driving.

"Hey!" yelled the cop as the car raced away.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Miami's South Pointe Park, Tanner leaned against a blue BMW 535i, the Sentinel, as the Sabre and Stallion pulled up. The two thugs climbed out.

"Darden and Korpi, I presume?" asked Tanner.

"That's us." said Korpi.

"What's up?" asked Darden.

"My boss, drug dealer Jimmy DeMarco has heard of the Cannonball Run." said Tanner. "He thinks the prize money would be better used by him than by any of the participants. I decided that his plan to relieve the race organizers of the money would go better if you two and your gang, the Highway Hunters, were on the job.

"Jimmy DeMarco?" asked Darden. "Where have I heard of him?"

"He's the one they call 'Dr. Feelgood'." said Korpi.

"Hey, are you talking about my boss or are you singing a Motley Crue song?" asked Tanner. "Anyways, you guys will make a great contribution to the plan by keeping the racers busy while we sneak in and abscond with the cash."

"Who's we?" asked Darden.

"I hired some others to help us out." said Tanner.

"Like us." said one of a group of hot looking young women in black jumpsuits. They all had dark hair and nice, even tans and obviously made sure they looked their best.

"Who are you guys?" asked Korpi.

"We are not guys." said another girl. "We are hot chicks."

"Apparently, there's been some talk in the outer edges of the galaxy." said Tanner. "These ladies, who say they're aliens, have a beef with one of the teams that are said to be in the race. They stepped up and joined our group with little hesitation."

"Great, I can't wait to work with these broads." said Darden.

"Are we waiting on anyone else?" asked Korpi.

"Yes, but here he comes now." said Tanner as a blue and white ice cream truck, the Mr. Whoopie, pulled into the park and sounded a cavalry charge with its horn. It stopped and a man looked out the service window.

"Tanner?" he asked with a high, goofy voice.

"Yeah, that's me." said Tanner.

"Our mutual friend told me where I could meet you." said the man. "Capt. Tom Everett, U.S. Marine Corps."

"Who is this guy?" asked Korpi.

"I've been working for various underground clients since the 'Nam." said Everett. "Mostly building upon my military expertise. Demolitions, weapons, wetwork, that sort of thing."

"Okay, your task is to assist us with stealing the prize money for the Cannonball Run." said Tanner. "While Darden, Korpi, and these Hot Alien Chicks are keeping the racers busy, we will be infiltrating their race headquarters."

"Did you say 'The Cannonball Run'?" asked Everett.

"Yeah, what about it?" asked Tanner.

"I think I know the perfect person to call for this mission." said Everett. "Have you heard of former Commander Alice J. Foyt?"

"I have." said Darden. "I think we can go get her if you want."

"Yeah, DeMarco asked me to look for her." said Tanner. "You guys go get Ms. Foyt and I'll introduce these guys to Mr. DeMarco."

"I'll see you later." said Everett as he restarted his truck.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Boulder Hill, Nevada, Matt Trakker walked into MASK headquarters and met with Bruce Sato.

"Bruce, you wanted to see me?" he asked.

"Yes, Matt." said Bruce. "I'm sure you're aware the Cannonball is taking place once again."

"Yes, I'm aware of that." said Matt. "Have you found out how the participants managed to obtain all of our designs two years ago?"

"No, I'm still working on that." said Bruce. "I'm afraid we have no choice but to enter the race ourselves to investigate."

"Not that entering the Cannonball isn't exciting enough." said Matt.

"Of course." said Bruce. "I've already rigged up a vehicle with Buddy." He then pushed a button and a silver Ford Puma rolled into the room.

"Looks good." said Matt. "Does it have a vehicle code name?"

"I call it the Boost." said Bruce.

"Great, but we might need some help." said Matt. "Computer, select MASK agent best suited for this mission."

"Personel: Gloria Baker." said the computer. "Champion race car driver."

"Personel approved." said Matt. "Assemble Mobile Armored Strike Kommand!"

XXXXXXXXXX

In New England...

"Dr. Fred! Dr. Fred!" called Bernard Bernoulli. "Are you here?"

"Ah yes, Bernard." said Dr. Fred Edison as Bernard entered his mansion. "I believe you're familiar with the Cannonball Run."

"You want me to enter the Cannonball?" asked Bernard.

"Of course." said Dr. Fred. "Who else is stup...gutsy enough to drive it?"

"And you thought of me?" said Bernard. "I'm honored."

"Of course, you can't do this without a car." said Dr. Fred. "Come."

Dr. Fred led Bernard into the garage. A pink Ford Escort Cosworth sat on the lift with a giant orange demon working on it.

"Behold!" announced Dr. Fred. "The Bryanston V! Oh, this is our chief mechanic, Glottis."

"Hey, man!" squealed Glottis. "How do you like the car?"

"It's...pink!" gasped Bernard.

"Yeah! But it's real fast!" gushed Glottis. "This thing has serious power!"

"And it's yours." said Dr. Fred.

"Wow, me alone with this car." sighed Bernard.

"Oh, you won't be alone." said Dr. Fred. "I hired someone for your protection." A motorcycle engine was heard and Dr. Fred added "Here he is now."

A custom motorcycle pulled into the garage. The rider climbed off and walked over to the others.

"I, uh, got your call." said the biker.

"Bernard, meet Ben." said Dr. Fred. "He'll be your protector-slash-codriver."

"Hi, I'm Bernard Bernoulli." said Bernard. "Who are you?"

"Ben." said Ben.

"Before we go any further," said Dr. Fred. "you have to go."

"Okay, wish us luck!" said Bernard.

"You drive." said Ben. "I don't like anything with more than two wheels."

Ben and Bernard climbed into the Bryanston V and drove off.

"There go two very crazy individuals." said Dr. Fred.

Suddenly, an old DeSoto police car crashed through the wall. A dog wearing a suit and hat climbed out of the driver's seat and a vicious looking rabbit climbed out of the passenger seat.

"Hello!" said the dog.

"This looks like the place, Sam." said the rabbit.

"Looks like the car isn't here, Max." said Sam, the dog.

"Uh oh." said Dr. Fred. "What's wrong?"

"I'm Sam and this is Max." said Sam. "We believe that you recently purchased a stolen car, an Escort Cosworth."

"Oh, uh, yes." said Dr. Fred. "But I didn't know it was stolen."

"That's what they all say." said Max, the rabbit.

"Are you questioning my work, bunny?" asked Glottis.

"You bet, big, orange, and ugly." replied Max.

"Bring it on, wabbit!" said Glottis.

"You got it!" said Max. Max then pounced on Glottis, but the big demon just grabbed him and dropped him into his mouth.

"Uh, while your friend is digesting my friend," said Sam "maybe you can answer some questions. First off, where's the car?"

"On the road." said Dr. Fred. "It was entered in the Cannonball Run."

"Where's that starting from?" asked Sam.

"A cruise ship currently docked in Boston." said Dr. Fred. "After they're done partying in the Bermuda Triangle, the race starts."

"When does the ship leave?" asked Sam.

"Tomorrow morning." said Dr. Fred. "If you want to catch them, you might want to leave now. Traffic, you understand."

"Thanks, we're on our way." said Sam. He walked over to Glottis and whispered something into his ear. Glottis suddenly looked very nauseated and spit out Max.

"Let's go, Max." said Sam. "We've got a car to recover."

"What did you say to the big nasty?" asked Max. Sam whispered in his ear and Max replied "That's gross, Sam!"

XXXXXXXXXX

In the middle east, Corvax was working on a dark blue BMW 760iL while wearing headphones.

"Sharif don't like it!" he sang. "Rock the casbah! Rock the casbah!"

Suddenly, electricity started to crackle around the courtyard. Then, there was a bright flash of light and a man in a police uniform appeared where the engine of another car had once been.

"I take it you're one of the bodyguards I hired." said Corvax.

"That I am." said the "man". "Terminator designation T-1000 at your service."

"Good to see you." said Corvax. "Come into my study and we'll discus our race plans."

"There is no time to waste." said the T-1000. "We must leave as soon as possible."

"There will be time for rushing during the race." said Corvax. "We can afford to be patient now."

"No, we must leave." said the T-1000. "We must hurry or..."

Just then, more electricity crackled followed by another flash of light. When it cleared, a woman was standing near them.

"Terminator designation T-X at your service." she said. "I was hired by a man named Corvax."

"You must be my other bodyguard." said Corvax. "Good to see I'm getting my money's worth."

"Mr. Corvax, you're wasting your money on her." said the T-1000. "She will leave you with a messed up mind and a badly bruised heart."

"Still bitter I see." said the T-X.

"Bitter?" yelled the T-1000. "You cheated on me with a T-600!"

"You cheated on me with a Toyota." replied the T-X.

"It was lonely!" replied the T-1000.

"Enough!" called Corvax. "We need to discus our plans and we don't need to be arguing about useless things."

"Then, fire him." said the T-X.

"No, her!" said the T-1000.

"Here's the deal." said Corvax. "You will both attempt to get into my car, the Schneller V8. Whoever doesn't get into the car will be fired."

"No problem." said the T-1000. He walked over to the car's grill and put his hand against it. In short order, his hand oozed through the grill and pulled the hood latch. The hood opened and revealed the engine.

"Allow me." said the T-X. She walked over and turned her hand into an antenna. She touched the ECU and a spark flowed into it. The doors then unlocked.

"Ah, good work!" said Corvax. "Since you both managed to get into the car without problems, neither one of you is fired. Come, we plan."

"I got the doors open." said the T-X.

"Just remember who got the hood open." said the T-1000. The T-X responded by punching the T-1000 in the face. Her fist went right through his liquid metal head. "Oh, that's mature." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere over Iowa...

"Hi, folks! Super Dave Osbourne here! Working together with my chief stunt co-ordinator Fuji Akihito, I have been planning and preparing for the Cannonball Run. This is a very dangerous and challenging race and will be a true test of my abilities. To promote my participation in the race, I will be performing a parachute jump in the car I will be using in the race, the Alarde."

Super Dave held out his hand to display a yellow Lotus Elise. It had parachutes attached to the front and rear bumpers.

"Fuji, can you give out the details on the parachute jump?" asked Super Dave.

"Of course, Super." said Fuji. "After you drive out of the plane, you pull the ripcord on the dashboard and guide the car towards the bullseye. When you land, pull the switch and the parachutes will detach. And that's all there is to it."

"Thank you, Fuji." said Super Dave. "Are we ready?"

"Yes." said Fuji. "You may proceed."

"Thanks again." said Super Dave as he entered the car.

"Ready?" said Fuji. "Go!"

Super Dave drove the Alarde out of the plane's cargo bay. It tumbled through the air towards the bullseye on the ground.

"I'm checking the altimeter and I'm approaching the ideal altitude to pop the chutes." announced Super Dave. "Here goes."

Super Dave pulled the ripcords, but only the rear one worked.

"Wait, we've only got one chute!" yelled Super Dave. "The front one didn't..."

The rear parachute deployed and the car pitched forward. Super Dave was ejected from the driver's seat and plummeted towards the ground.

"I think I should've taken that emergency chute!" screamed Super Dave in mid-freefall.

A couple of seconds later, he slammed into the bullseye. A moan swept through the crowd.

"Boy, wasn't that something?" asked a redneck.

"Are you kidding?" asked a woman with him. "That was the dumbest thing since that dimwit tried to jump off the CN Tower."

"That was him!" said the redneck.

Super Dave moaned as he tried to pick himself up. "Oh, Fuji." he groaned. "Call me a paramedic."

"Okay, Super." said Fuji as he took out his remote and hit a button. "I'll just...oops." He then pushed another button and said "Sorry, I accidentally released the chutes."

"Released the what?" asked Super Dave. Suddenly, the Alarde dropped out of the sky and landed on him. "Ow, record pain!" he groaned.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in America, a teenage boy named Malcolm walked up his driveway. "It's still unbelievable, but they're letting us take part in the Cannonball Run." he said, to the audience apparently. "Normally, Mom and Dad wouldn't let us do this, but they're letting us due to the family's financial situation. Luckily, Francis' boss Otto gave us his old Volkswagen Golf as a severance gift and let us fix it up and use it in the race. Unfortunately, Francis and Reese don't seem to have any idea what they're doing."

Malcolm came upon his older brothers Francis and Reese working on the Volkswagen. They weren't doing very well. "Look, just try to get this thing running." demanded Reese.

"I'm doing the best I can." said Francis. "What makes you think I know how to work on one of these things?"

"Well, you look like that Paul Walker guy." replied Reese.

"As I said, it's not going well at all." said Malcolm.

"Can't you at least give me those instructions?" asked Reese.

"Won't do you any good." said Francis as he handed the instructions to Reese. "I checked. There's several pieces missing."

"How's it going?" asked Malcolm.

"Not well." said Francis. "We're trying to figure these instructions out and they're written in geek."

"What are you trying to install?" asked Malcolm.

"A fuel delivery system." said Reese. "Unfortunately, we appear to be missing several parts."

Just then, their younger brother Dewey walked out of the house with the fuel delivery system. "Hey, guys." he chirped.

"Dewey, is that the fuel delivery system?" asked Malcolm.

"Yeah." said Dewey. "I was bored, so I decided to work on something."

Malcolm checked the instructions. "This is absolutely perfect." he said. "Dewey, thank you."

"Anytime." said Dewey. "I just wanted to help out and I'm too young to have a driver's license."

"I'll put it into the car." said Francis. Within a few minutes, the fuel delivery system was installed in the car.

"Okay, let's go." said Francis.

"Did we name this thing yet?" asked Reese.

"I thought we'd name it something French to give it class." said Francis.

"Oh, come on!" said Reese. "We need to give this car a real cool name like 'Villain', or 'Assassin', or 'Rogue'."

"Why don't we compromise?" asked Malcolm. "We'll give it a cool, dangerous name, but translate it into French. For example, 'Rogue' in French is 'Fripon'."

"That's great." said Francis. "Fripon."

"Ooh, better." said Reese. "Fripon X!"

"Yeah, that's perfect." said Malcolm. "Let's go."

"Goodbye, guys." said Dewey as his older brothers climbed into the car. "Good luck."

Francis started the car and drove out of the driveway towards the meeting place. Dewey ran out into the street after them and waved as his hamster ran by in its exercise ball.

XXXXXXXXXX

In upstate New York, Lara's team stopped at a gas station to refuel.

"THAT'S your jumpsuit?" asked Chun Li as she climbed out of the Zender.

"Why? What's wrong with it?" asked Cate as she followed. She was wearing a bright orange and white jumpsuit.

"Well, it's going to be hard to remain inconspicuous in that." said Chun Li. "When you said you wore it on missions, I thought it would be black. I mean you're a secret agent, but you'd stick out wearing that."

"So? You girls don't exactly blend in yourselves." said Cate.

"Lara, I've been thinking." said Joanna. "Maybe we should get a little more practice before the Cannonball."

"I think you're right." said Lara. "Now, all we need is someone to practice against."

"Did somebody mention the Cannonball?" asked a man in orange and blackmotorcycle leathers that said "Carpe Diem" across the front.

"Why, yes." said Lara. "You know of it?"

"I'm in it." said the man. "Cary Ford. Nice to meet ya."

"We're looking for a little practice." said Joanna. "You think you can take on the Zender Alpha?"

"Zender Alpha?" asked Cary. "Bet it doesn't stack up against the Monsoni." He pointed to a black motorcycle.

"You're on." said Lara.

The girls paid for their gas and returned to the highway. Cary was right behind them on the Monsoni. He signaled to them to start the race.

"Let's go!" yelled Joanna who was driving. She took a brief lead, but Cary destroyed it a second later.

"Lighter and thinner." said Cary as he patted the bike.

"Joanna, punch it!" begged Cate. "You can't let us lose to an upstart."

"Who said I was LETTING us lose?" asked Joanna. "Hang on!"

Joanna turned to the shoulder and used it to pass the traffic, which was getting heavier. Cary was starting to be held back by the traffic.

"Not this time." he said.

He popped a wheelie and rode up the back of a New Beetle. He ramped off the car and landed on the back of a flatbed truck. He then rode up a bunch of wooden A-frames the truck was carrying and jumped the bike onto a nearby bus. He rode the length of the bus and jumped onto a trailer truck. After reaching the front end, he dropped back to the highway and rode out of the traffic congestion. The Zender was right next to him.

"You see, a bike can zip through even the densest of traffic." explained Cary. "That's one advantage over a car."

"Not bad." said Lara. "But we'll see how you do in the real race."

"I look forward to it." said Cary.

XXXXXXXXXX

In California, Jesse Richmond and Chester Greenburg stepped out of their house in the suburbs.

"Cannonball, here we come." said Jesse.

"Hey, you think your old car is up to the challenge?" asked Chester.

"I dunno." said Jesse. "Guess we'll find out in a little bit." He looked away from Chester and looked at the empty space where his car was usually parked, only it wasn't there. "Dude, where's my car?" he asked.

"Where's your car, dude?" asked Chester.

"Dude, where's my car?" asked Jesse.

"Where's your car, dude?" asked Chester.

"Do you feel like we've had this conversation before?" asked Jesse.

"Yeah, but I can't remember where." said Chester.

"Come on, man." said Jesse. "Where's my car?"

Just then, a delivery van drove away from the house across the street. When it did, it revealed an orange Renault Clio Sport with a sign on the side reading "Jesse and Chester".

"Who cares?" asked Chester. The two walked over to check out the car.

Jesse picked up the sign and discovered writing on the back. "Dear Jesse and Chester." he read. "We're very sorry, but we had to borrow your car again. We know you're going to attempt the Cannonball, so we gave you a better car for the race. It's called the Stadt. We're confident you will do well and we wish you good luck. Signed, the Nordic Dudes."

"What did they need our car for?" asked Chester.

"They didn't say." said Jesse. "But with what they gave us, who cares?"

"Right, we're gonna kick some ass." squealed Chester.

The two then wiggled their fingers together and chirped "Shibby!" They then got into the car and drove off.

XXXXXXXXXX

In London...

"Ah, James." said R. "Glad you could make it."

"Well, I'm glad Q Branch is supporting me in the Cannonball." said Agent James Bond. "I believe you have something to show me."

"Yes, of course." said R. "Your car is right over here."

R led James to the vehicle bay. In the center was a silver Aston Martin Vanquish.

"James, meet the Victory." said R.

"Well, with this thing, I should meet victory." said James. "What kind of equipment have you given me?"

"Since there's a ban on weapons this year, you won't find those." said R. "You do have some nice gadgets though. For example, the Q Wedge will give you the ability to tilt onto your side wheels. The Q Smoke might be considered a weapon, but if not, you can use it to envelop anyone behind you in a thick cloud of smoke. And the Q Vision will give you night vision when you need it."

"Smashing." said James. "But no weapons, you say."

"Only personal weapons, James." said R. "You may bring your PPK. Oh, I'd like you to meet your partner."

"Hi there." said a voice. James turned around and saw a seven-foot-tall giant with stainless steel teeth.

"Jaws!" yelled James as he went for his gun. R stopped him.

"It's alright, James." assured R. "He's on our side now."

"Really?" asked James.

"Yeah, I used to be a real jerk." said Jaws. "But I'm much better now."

"Oh, well, if you say so." said James. "Shall we?"

"By all means." said R. James and Jaws got into the car.

"Did you hear?" asked James. "They're not letting us put weapons on the cars. They are, however, letting us use personal weapons."

"That's good." said Jaws. "Every time I show these to a dentist, he runs away screaming."

XXXXXXXXXX

In New York...

"We're going to be in the Cannonball!" cheered Peter Venkman, one of the paranormal enforcers known as the Ghostbusters.

"That's great, Peter." said Egon Spengler, his fellow Ghostbuster. "But who's going to fight ghosts while we're out racing around the world?"

"Well, I didn't say we were all going to go." said Peter. "I'll need one partner, maybe two, and the rest of you guys can stay here and prevent New York from becoming a paranormal madhouse."

"Okay, but who?" asked Ray Stantz, another Ghostbuster.

"I'll go." said Winston Zeddmore, the other Ghostbuster. "You know how much I love cars."

"Okay, but we'll need another." said Peter.

"Don't look at me." said Egon. "I can't let Ray do this alone."

"Yeah, and vice versa." said Ray.

"Looks like it's just you and me, Winston." said Peter.

"Hey, guys!" said the team's lawyer, Louis Tully. "I heard you were doing the Cannonball. Is that true?"

"Absolutely." said Peter. "Hey, we need a third. You wanna come with?"

"Did you just ask me to come along?" asked Louis.

"Of course." said Peter. "You in?"

"Wow, thanks." said Louis.

"What about your car?" asked Egon. "You're not taking the Ecto-1, are you?"

"No, we know you need it." said Winston. "I think we'll take the Modo Prego."

"You mean that car we were given by that millionaire guy?" asked Ray. "Our gift for ridding his mansion of ghosts?"

"It was the least he could do." said Peter. "After all, we did help him with his former business partners."

"Don't we need to work on the car?" asked Louis.

"I don't think so." said Peter. "I mean, look at it." He pointed out a yellow Porsche 911 GT3.

"Okay, we're off." said Winston.

XXXXXXXXXX

In San Francisco, police inspectors Nash Bridges and Joe Dominguez sat on the hood of Nash's '71 Hemi'Cuda in a downtown parking garage.

"When's that guy supposed to get here?" asked Joe.

"Soon." said Nash. "Then, it's off to the Cannonball."

"Are we gonna use the 'Cuda?" asked Joe.

"Nah, I don't want to risk damaging it." said Nash. "Our companion's bringing a car."

"How did he get a car?" asked Joe. "I thought he didn't like cars."

"Well, the Paris police gave it to him as a gift." said Nash. "Apparently, he helped them solve a murder they were having trouble with."

"When did he go to France?" asked Joe.

"He didn't." said Nash. "He solved the crime just by reading a newspaper right here in San Francisco. Here he comes."

A symphony of car horns sounded as a Citroen police car crept along with a long line of traffic behind it. The Citroen turned into the parking garage and parked a few spaces away from the 'Cuda. Then, it backed up and drove forward until it was exactly in between the lines. Then, a nervous-looking man climbed out.

"Adrian Monk." said Joe.

"Yo, Adrian!" called Nash.

"Nash, good to see you." said Monk as he approached. "I think you should be careful driving out there. Everyone's being so impatient."

"Yeah, I see that." said Nash. "How's the car?"

"Good." said Monk. "I just gave her a once-over. All the screws and bolts have been tightened. I refilled the oil, windshield washer, radiator, fuel."

"How often do you do that?" asked Joe.

"Every time I take it out." said Monk. "Why don't we go now?"

"Alright, but I'm driving, bubba." said Nash.

"Okay, fine with me." said Monk.

Nash got into the driver's seat, Joe sat next to him, and Monk climbed in back. "Remember to drive carefully." said Monk. "Don't go too fast."

"Adrian, this is racing." said Nash. "There's no such thing as 'too fast'." Then, Nash threw the Paris Cop Car into reverse and peeled out. Nash then performed a bootlegger and sent Monk into a whimpering panic.

XXXXXXXXXX

In an insane asylum in upstate New York...

"Ah yes, I can show you to Commander Foyt." said Dr. Peter Silberman. "Poor lady went crazy after last year's Cannonball."

"Yeah yeah yeah." said Korpi. "Just show her to us."

"As you wish." said Silberman. He showed Darden and Korpi to Foyt's room. "That's her. Commander Alice Foyt."

"You are maintaining the speed limit, aren't you, doc?" asked Foyt.

"I haven't driven since you last asked me." said Silberman. "She's like this all day. The Cannonball must have really taken its toll."

"Sounds brutal." said Darden. "We must put a stop to these motorized hooligans."

"Yes, she must have been subjected to some severe mental trauma." said Silberman. "Like we all have from time to time..."

"If it's okay with you, we'd like a minute with her." said Korpi.

"Fine." said Silberman. "Be sure to let me know when you're done."

After Silberman left, Darden and Korpi entered Foyt's room.

"Alice J. Foyt?" asked Darden.

"Have you been obeying the speed limit?" asked Foyt.

Korpi just laughed maniacly. Darden lightly hit him in the chest.

"What brings you here?" asked Foyt.

"We're here with a job offer from a prestigious client." said Darden.

"Who is this prestigious client?" asked Foyt.

"You'll find out." said Korpi. "Of course, we're talking about a lot of money."

"I reject your offer." said Foyt. "I smell a rat. I want nothing to do with your client or his offer."

"It's really simple." said Darden. "We're just going to try to steal the prize money for the Cannonball Run..."

"The Cannonball?" said Foyt. "The Cannonball is the reason I'm in here. The Cannonball is the reason I went crazy. I want in."

"Good." said Darden. "The first thing we're going to do is get you out of here."

Darden and Korpi left Foyt's room with her. "I'll get the Stallion, you get her into position." said Darden.

"Gotcha." said Korpi. He started to walk towards the roof stairs with Foyt when Silberman noticed him.

"Hey, where are you going with her?" asked Silberman.

"Uh, taking her for a walk." said Korpi. "You know, let her stretch her legs, probably take a pee..."

"Ms. Foyt is an extreme flight risk." said Silberman. "She cannot be permitted to leave the building."

"How about this?" asked Korpi. He punched out Silberman and ran for the stairs with Foyt.

Korpi and Foyt climbed the stairs and found themselves on the roof.

"Now where do we go?" asked Foyt.

"Watch." said Korpi. He led her over to the side of the roof and showed her Darden pulling up to the side of the building in the Stallion.

"Happy landings." said Korpi as he pushed Foyt off the roof. She landed in the back of the Stallion.

"You okay back there?" asked Darden.

"Yes, now get us out of here." said Foyt.

"Here I come!" yelled Korpi. He jumped off the roof.

"Let's go." said Darden as he pulled away. Korpi then slammed into the road behind him. "Oh sorry, Korpi. You okay?" asked Darden as he stopped.

"Yeah yeah." said Korpi as he jumped into the back of the car. "Go!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in the American heartland...

"And then the aliens rumaged through my notes looking for what I'd said." said the kid.

"Just what did you say?" asked former FBI Agent Fox Mulder.

"They were interested in finding out how those kids in Ohio defeated the alien faculty at their high school." said the kid.

"Why were they interested in that?" asked Mulder.

"They didn't say." said the kid. Just then, the two were interupted by an electric roar and a loud rattle. They turned to see the garage door opening.

"I thought you lived alone." said Mulder.

"I do." said the kid as a black sedan pulled into the garage.

"Do you know anyone who drives a Lexus?" asked Mulder.

The front doors opened and two men in black suits climbed out.

"The Men In Black." said Mulder. "I suppose I should've seen this coming."

"What has this kid been telling you, Fox?" asked Agent J.

"He's told me quite a story." said Mulder as he handed the MIBs his notepad. "Here, take a look."

"I know these guys." said Agent K. "They're nothing to worry about."

"What are they?" asked Mulder. "The FBI of space?"

"No, tabloid reporters." said K.

"Fox, are you aware that the Cannonball is being run again?" asked J.

"It is?" asked Mulder.

"That's why we're here." said K. "To find you."

"Is this our car?" asked Mulder. "It looks nice."

"The MIBs would have nothing less." said J. "The Lusso XT is the finest in human design and alien tuning."

"Great, let's go." said Mulder.

"One thing first." said K as he pulled out a pen-like object and popped on his sunglasses. "Young man, is this thing glowing blue?"

"Yeah, it is." said the kid as J and Mulder put on their sunglasses. Suddenly, the kid was stunned by a brilliant flash of light.

K returned to the car and said "As far as he's concerned, we were never here."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, an orange fox with two tails drove along a highway in a gold Nissan 350Z. Next to him was a red echidna.

"How's the RSMC 15 doing?" asked Kuckles, the echidna.

"It's doing great." said the fox, Miles "Tails" Prower. "When the Cannonball starts, I think we're going to do well."

"It should." said Knuckles. "I spent all week working on it. It's probably the fastest thing on the highway."

Just then, he looked in the rearview and saw a blue blur coming up fast.

"Except for you-know-who." added Knuckles.

The blue blur caught up to the car and matched its pace. It turned out to be an extremely fast hedgehog.

"Sonic!" exclaimed Tails. "You made it!"

"You know I did." said Sonic, the hedgehog. "I wouldn't miss an opportunity to show off my speed. I also wouldn't give that plumber the satisfaction of knowing I didn't show up."

"You must be tired running this fast." said Knuckles. "Want a lift?"

"I'm actually not the least bit tired." said Sonic. "But okay." He jumped into the Nissan and they drove off together.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Japan...

"We managed to tune the car to your liking." said Makoto. "If you enter the Cannonball with this, I'm sure you will win."

"Thanks." said Jarod as he looked over the white MR2. "From what I've heard, I'm going to need this car."

"You are getting quite a deal from us." said Ichiro. "Many street racers have visited us for equipment and come away winners."

"I'll do my best to honor your work." said Jarod.

Just then, Nikko ran in and squealed "Not so fast, squidhead! I know your secret."

"Be careful how you talk to our friend, Nikko." said Makoto. "Mr. Walker here has just finalized a deal to purchase the Vortex."

"Walker? I thought his name was Diesel." said Ichiro.

"He told me his name was Schulze." said Nikko. "He infilatrated our circle to bring down Kenichi. Then he left me in a trap with no apparent escape. He didn't count on the resourcefulness of a riceboy, stupid squid."

"What do you think, Ichiro?" asked Makoto.

"I think he will be surrendering something." said Ichiro.

"I agree." said Makoto.

"I think I should warn you." said Jarod. "I can instantly learn martial arts...among other things."

"And I think I should warn you." said Ichiro. "I don't care."

Just then, the car's driver's seat was thrown at Makoto and knocked him down. Everybody looked to where the seat originated from and saw a little robot sitting in the car.

"Hurry!" said the robot. "We must escape!"

Jarod ran over to the MR2 and jumped into the passenger seat. The robot started the car and drove out.

Jarod looked over his shoulder at the pursuing street racers and said "I think we have maybe a minute before those guys get to their rice rockets and come after us."

"Think again." said the robot as they drove past the frames of the racers' cars surrounded by their other parts neatly arranged. "Rice rockets disassembled." added the robot.

"You know, you're literally the last thing I expected to show up." said Jarod.

"Well, I thought if I got in your good graces, you might let me join your team." said the robot.

"You are in my good graces and welcome to the team." said Jarod. "My name's Jarod. Don't worry about the last name. It changes all the time."

"You can call me Johnny Five." said the robot. "So, what did they call this car?"

"Makoto called it the Vortex." said Jarod. "He built it for me to drive in the Cannonball Run before things went south."

"The Cannonball Run." said Johnny Five. "I may be wrong, but wasn't there a car in the qualifying run called the Vortex?"

"Yes, there was." said Jarod. "I think we should call it something else like Vortex 2 or Vortex Jr."

"How about...Vortex 5?" asked Johnny Five.

"Perfect." said Jarod.

XXXXXXXXXX

At Nintendo headquarters, Mario was preparing for battle.

"Okay, paisans." he said. "The Cannonball is coming soon and we need to prepare."

"I agree, brother." said his brother Luigi. "But how?"

"Link is working on something right now." said Mario. "Soon, we can pick it up and get ready to go."

"And we can show that hedgehog a thing or two." said Luigi.

Mario then heard a chime that usually sounded when Link found an item. "Ah, it's ready."

Mario and Luigi headed to the loading dock to find Link working on a red Supra.

"Welcome to my lab." said Link. "Here's your first look at the Saikou. Like it?"

"It's-a ready!" said Mario. "Link, you've outdone yourself."

"Let's get ready to go." said Luigi.

The elfen warrior jumped into the car with the two Italian plumbers and the car was started.

"Hey, do you think we have a chance?" asked Link.

"Of course." said Mario. "If the machine should fail, and I'm sure it won't, we can rely on our skills."

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Mojave Desert, Michael Knight drove a silver Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution down the highway.

"So, what do you think of your new form, buddy?" he asked.

"I like it." said KITT, the car's computer. "It's practical, sleek, cozy."

"Cozy?" asked Michael. "KITT, if you don't like being small..."

"Oh, it's okay." said KITT. "Small is in. Small is, how you say, cool."

"Hey, who's that?" asked Michael as he spotted two men walking along the side of the road.

B.A. Baracus and Howling Mad Murdock walked down the highway.

"I'm telling you, we should have kept the SLF450X as a plane." said Murdock. "But no, Mr. Flying-Is-Too-Scary. We had to make it into a car. A car that caught fire when we started it and I think Billy was in there."

"Shut up, fool!" yelled B.A. "You know I hate flying!"

"Look, just because you're scared..." said Murdock.

"I ain't scared of nothin'!" yelled B.A. "Here comes a car. Let's get some help."

Michael pulled over. B.A. and Murdock were met with an open window. "Hey, you need a lift?" asked Michael.

"Hey thanks, man." said B.A. "We were getting ready for the Cannonball Run, but our car had a problem."

"Yeah, the problem was that the car was too on fire." said Murdock. "This set of wheels is nice. It doesn't sound stock, though."

"The Knight is far from stock." said Michael.

"Michael, I just ran a check on these two." said KITT. "They are B.A. Baracus and 'Howling Mad' Murdock, two members of the infamous A-Team."

B.A. looked at the dashboard in shock after realizing the car had just talked.

"Hey, who are you calling infamous?" asked Murdock. "We're members of the FAMOUS A-Team. If you have a problem with that, I'll take you apart piece by piece."

"He's on the jazz again." said B.A.

"I've heard of you guys." said Michael. "I'm also taking part in the Cannonball and I could use a couple of guys like you on my team."

"Michael, you're giving an offer to MEN?" asked KITT. "I thought you only gave offers to WOMEN."

"Right now, they're our best chance." said Michael. "So, what do you say?"

"I'm in." said B.A. as he climbed into the Knight.

"Me too." said Murdock as he jumped into the backseat.

"I'm Michael Knight, by the way." said Michael. "And this is KITT."

"We're in the Cannonball!" cheered Murdock.

"And we ain't flying!" chimed B.A.

XXXXXXXXXX

At Warioware Inc, Wario was preparing for battle.

"Okay, youse mugs." he said. "The Cannonball is coming soon and we need to prepare."

"I agree, brother." said his brother Waluigi. "But how?"

"Link is working on something right now." said Wario. "Soon, we can steal his idea and get ready to go."

"And we can show that other plumber a thing or two." said Waluigi.

Wario then heard a chime that usually sounded when Mario was defeated. "Ah, it's ready."

Wario and Waluigi headed to the dungeon to find Bowser watching a closed-circuit TV showing Link working on a red Supra. Next to Bowser was a blue Supra with a wide body kit.

"Welcome to my lab." said Bowser. "Here's your first look at the Saikou XS. Like it?"

"It's not ready!" said Wario. "Bowser, you incompetent moron!"

"Gimme a break! I was trying to copy what Link was doing." said Bowser. "I couldn't work on the car while I was watching him. What if I missed something?"

"We don't have time to fix it. We must get ready to go." said Waluigi.

The giant turtle-creature jumped into the car with the two evil plumbers and the car was started.

"Hey, do you think we have a chance?" asked Waluigi.

"Of course." said Wario. "If the machine should fail, AND I'M SURE IT WILL, we can rely on our secret plan."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Japan's Kitchen Stadium...

"(With the Cannonball Run fast approaching, I have had to organize my effort quickly.)" announced Chairman Kaga. "(I have tested my personel thoroughly and my best driver is none other than one of my Iron Chefs. He is one of the best Italian chefs in Japan and a truly daring individual. Without further delay, I must introduce my driver for the race, Iron Chef Italian Masahiko Kobe.)"  
(Translated from Japanese.)

The curtains parted and Masahiko Kobe entered the arena. He walked up to the Chairman and shook his hand.

"(Iron Chef Kobe, thank you for coming.)" said the Chairman.

"(A pleasure to be here.)" said Kobe.

"(Now, Kobe.)" said Kaga. "(I'm sure you realize that a race around the world is an arduous task for two men. We will require a third team member for the journey and we will select him from your fellow Iron Chefs. And so, I summon the Iron Chefs!)"

Everyone's attention was focused on the elevating platforms at the back of the arena. On the platforms were Iron Chef French Hiroyuki Sakai, Iron Chef Japanese Masaharu Morimoto, and Iron Chef Chinese Chen Kenichi.

"(Since I have selected you as the primary driver, I shall allow you to decide our teammate.)" said Kaga. "(So, tell me. Who will it be!)"

"(Chen-san, please!)" called Kobe.

Chen smiled and stepped off the platform. He walked over to Kobe and shook hands with him.

"(Welcome to the team.)" said Kobe.

"(This will be fun.)" said Chen.

"(A special team requires a special car.)" said Kaga. "(And we have such a car for this team. We unveil the car!)"

He removed a cover from a frame at the center of the stage. A gunmetal grey Nissan Skyline rose on an elevating platform. Kobe and Chen looked at it and smiled.

"(The Cannonball car...Torque JX.)" said Kaga.

The Chairman and his Iron Chefs climbed into the car and got it started.

"(Let's add the Cannonball to our list of victories.)" said Chen.

"(Then, we're off.)" said Kobe.

"Allez racing!" called Kaga as they drove off.

XXXXXXXXXX

At Sunshine Autos, Vice City, Florida...

"Hello?" asked Max Payne. "Is anyone here?"

"Looking for me?" asked the man in the flowered shirt.

"I was the top finisher in the Cannonball qualifying run." said Max. "I was told I'd be teamed with you."

"That's true." said flowered shirt man. "My partner from last year decided to bow out of this one. Tommy Vercetti. Nice to meet you."

"Max Payne." introduced his teammate. "So where's the car?"

"Come on." said Tommy. "Let me show you."

The two men walked out of the showroom and down a ramp to the storage garages. Tommy led Max to one garage and opened it. Inside was a yellow sports car.

"Wow!" said Max. "That's a Saleen S7!"

"I call it the Veloci." said Tommy.

"Call it what you want, it's cool." said Max.

"Shall we?" asked Tommy as he flipped open the Veloci's door.

"We shall." said Max as he climbed in.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in America, a skylight was pried open. Beneath it was a room full of police cars from around the world. The man who had done the prying stuck his hand through the gap and pointed around while making whirring sounds. Then, he and his partner dropped into the room.

"All clear." said Larvell Jones.

"Okay, guys." said Carey Mahoney. "It's safe."

Jones and Mahoney were followed by fellow police officers Eugene Tackleberry, Moses Hightower, Laverne Hooks, and Zed who all jumped on to the platform they were on and climbed down to the floor below. Officer Douglas Fackler climbed through the skylight and fell onto the car next to the platform, collapsing the suspension.

"I guess we won't use that one." said Mahoney.

"What are we doing here?" asked Hooks.

"They're running the Cannonball again and the organizers asked me to put together a protection force." said Mahoney. "We're here to get some cars."

"What about guns?" asked Tackleberry. "Where do we get guns?"

"Easy, Tack." said Hightower.

"Hey, Mahoney." said Jones. "Let's take this one." He pointed at a Crown Victoria police car from New York City.

"Nice choice, Jonesey." said Mahoney.

"I think this one will be ours." said Tackleberry as he looked at a Vauxhall Vectra police car from London.

"Looks nice." said Hightower. "Let's go."

"Ooh, I like this one." said Hooks as she looked at a Nissan 300ZX police car from Tokyo.

"Yeah, this one is pretty neat!" said Zed as he pointed at the Z emblem on the hood. "Hey, look. It's got my name on it. At least it would if this were England."

"Wait for me." said Fackler.

"Okay, guys." said Mahoney. "I'm honored that you all decided to join the protection team. There are some fine racers out there who need our help to avoid being the victims of somebody's evil schemes. So, let's go and meet our teammates and head for the starting line."

The officers climbed into their cars and drove out of the room. Outside, they found a man in a cowboy hat and a man in a varsity jacket waiting for them.

"Guys, meet your teammates." said Mahoney.

"Hi, folks." said the cowboy hat guy. "Cordell Walker, Texas Rangers."

"You can just call me Flash." said the varsity jacket guy.

"I understand we're going to be protecting the Cannonballers." said Walker. "We have no time to waste."

"Let's go." said Flash as he climbed into the London Patrol Car.

Walker climbed into the New York Police Car and they took off.

"So, tell me." said Walker. "Why do the Cannonballers need protection? They've never needed it before."

"Well, they've had problems two years in a row, so they kinda figured." said Mahoney. "Besides, one of the organizers was tipped off about a possible threat, so they're taking it seriously."

XXXXXXXXXX

In their office, Brock, J.J, and Victor made their plans.

"So, the Cannonballers have been notified?" asked Brock.

"They're on their way." said J.J.

"And the bridges?" asked Brock.

"They're up and heavily protected." said Victor.

"Good, I don't want a repeat of last year." said Brock.

"The ship has been chartered as well." said J.J.

"Excellent." said Brock. "What about our hosts and announcers?"

"We've got who we need." said Victor. "Here's one now."

Just then, "Amazing Race" host Phil Keoghan entered the office.

"Mr. Yates, the wild cards have been chosen." he said. "The qualifying run was a complete success."

"That's good to hear." said Brock. "Phil, how would you like to host the race?"

"I would be honored." said Phil.

"I must warn you that you will be sharing hosting duties with three others." said Brock. "In fact, two are here right now."

A large, muscular man and a smaller man wearing a fedora entered the office.

"Hello, Cannonball fans!" said the larger man. "Big Schwag here ready to host. And with me to cohost is my faithful companion, Frankie Whiteside."

"Thank you, Schwag." said the smaller man. "And we are in the office of race organizer Brock Yates."

"Guys, I would like you to meet your co-host." said Brock as he pointed out Phil.

"Wow, Phil Keoghan!" said Frankie.

"As well as the Big Schwag and Frankie Whiteside." said Phil. "Your work on 'Monster Garage' is exceptional."

"Hey, Phil." said Schwag. "Could you, you know, eliminate us?"

"Only if you express your disbelief." said Phil.

"Sure." said Schwag.

"Schwag and Frankie." said Phil. "You're the last team to arrive."

"What? No!" said Frankie.

"I'm sorry to tell you that you've both been eliminated from the race." said Phil.

"You gotta be kidding me!" yelled Schwag.

The men laughed and shook hands. "So, who and where is our other host?" asked Phil.

"Mr. X is bringing him now." said J.J. "It's none other than Shadoe Stevens from 'Hollywood Squares'."

Just then, Mr. X walked in with a rolled-up carpet over his shoulder.

"Guess who I have in here." he said.

"Going out on a limb." said Brock. "Shadoe Stevens?"

"Oh yes." said Mr. X. "He wouldn't give me the time of day, so I had to use the carpet. And here he is."

Mr. X then unrolled the carpet and a small, blonde man tumbled out.

"Wha? What's going on here?" whined the man.

"Uh, excuse me." said Phil. "But isn't Shadoe Stevens taller?"

"And isn't his voice much deeper?" asked Schwag.

"And isn't his hair brown?" asked Frankie.

"Hey, wait a minute!" said Victor. "That's not Shadoe Stevens! It's David Spade!"

"What's going on here?" asked David Spade.

"Mr. Spade, welcome to my office." said Brock. "Would you like a drink?"

"Root beer if you got it." said David. "Now what's going on?"

"Have you heard of the Cannonball Run?" asked Brock.

"I've heard of it." said David as Victor gave him a root beer in a glass. "I'd only love to really take part in it somehow. What about it?"

"We're running it again and we need another host." said Brock. "And since we don't have time to go after our original choice, we'd like you to host and announce."

David dropped the glass. "Seriously?" he asked.

"Along with Phil, Schwag, and Frankie, we'd like you to host." said Brock.

"Really?" asked David as he started to shed tears of joy. "I mean, really really?"

"Really." said Brock.

"Are you crying?" asked J.J.

"No." cried David.

"Brock, we have a problem." said Mr. X. "One of my insiders has informed me that a drug kingpin named Jimmy 'Dr. Feelgood' DeMarco plans to steal the prize money."

"How reliable is this insider?" asked Brock.

"He's untouchable." said Mr. X. "He's also undercover working for DeMarco, so he has easy access to the information."

"Do you have any ideas how to handle this situation?" asked Brock.

"Already done." said Mr. X. "I've contacted Officer Mahoney and his classmates from the Police Academy. They, in turn contacted a couple of other law enforcement agents to help them protect the Cannonballers. We also have one team that's actually working undercover to root out DeMarco's men. One final measure was to contact an old friend of mine."

"What's his name?" asked J.J. "Mr. Y?"

"No, he calls himself the 'Lone Wolf'." said Mr. X. "It wasn't easy tapping him. He doesn't usually perform missions like this. When he heard it was about the Cannonball, he stepped right up."

"Where is he now?" asked Victor.

"On his way to the meeting place." said Mr. X. "We're all set."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in New England, the Lone Wolf rode towards the meeting place on his motorcycle.

"The Cannonball." he thought. "The ultimate auto race. It's hard to believe Mr. X has been working with the organizer Brock Yates. There are few in this world I can call 'friend'. Mr. X and my bike, the Nousagi, immediately come to mind. Now, he needs my help. I owe him much, I can't say no."

**It's all the same, only the names will change.  
Everyday it seems we're wasting away.  
Another place where the faces are so cold.  
I'd drive all night just to get back home.**

**I'm a cowboy.  
On a steel horse I ride.  
I'm wanted dead or alive.  
Wanted dead or alive.**

**Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it's not for days.  
And the people I meet always go their separate ways.  
Sometimes you tell the day by the bottle that you drink.  
And times when you're all alone all you do is think.**

**I'm a cowboy.  
On a steel horse I ride.  
I'm wanted dead or alive.  
Wanted dead or alive.**

**I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back.  
I play for keeps, cause I might not make it back.  
I been everywhere, still I'm standing tall.  
I've seen a million faces, and I rocked them all.**

**I'm a cowboy.  
On a steel horse I ride.  
I'm wanted dead or alive.**

**I'm a cowboy.  
I got the night on my side.  
I'm wanted dead or alive.  
Wanted dead or alive.**

-"Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi


	3. Party Time!

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Part Three:Party Time!

AN:Okay, I promised myself not to keep you waiting long. So, here you go. After this, I will have chapters up as soon as I can complete them.  
I see I'm getting reviews. Thank you for the reviews. I have to address one though.  
To Charles Xavier-Sorry, but anime isn't exactly my strong suit. There will be anime characters in the Asia chapter.  
Anyways, here we go.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Cannonballers gathered at the port of Boston as the Sea Phantom pulled into port. A helicopter flew overhead with the announcers and hosts on board.

"Wow, look at all those racers." said David Spade.

"We've got several returnees and a lot of new faces as well." said Phil Keoghan.

"Hey, Schwag! Look! It's Jesse!" yelled Frankie Whiteside.

"Really? Where?" said the Big Schwag.

"Next to that purple muscle car." said Frankie.

"Thanks, I see him now." said Schwag.

"Oh yeah, next to that guy with the shiny helmet." said David.

"Uh, he's not wearing a helmet." said Phil.

The helicopter landed on the ship and the hosts climbed out. J.J, Victor, Brock, and Mr. X stepped up to meet them.

"Welcome to the starting line." said Brock.

"Not to mention the site of the pre-race party." said J.J.

"Good to be here." said David.

"Hey, X, when does your friend arrive?" asked Victor.

"There he is." said Mr. X as he pointed to a motorcycle that was racing across the roof of a nearby warehouse.

Lone Wolf leaped the Nousagi from the warehouse to the boom of a gantry crane. From the boom, he jumped onto the deck of the ship. He steered towards the men and slid to a stop on his front wheel. After returning to both wheels, he climbed off his motorcycle and removed his helmet.

"Folks, meet Lone Wolf." said Mr. X.

"Hey, how you guys doing?" asked Lone Wolf.

"Pretty good now that you're here." said Brock. "Mr. X speaks highly of you."

"He does?" said Lone Wolf. "Whoa, I hope I live up to the hype."

"Hey, you wanna meet the band?" asked J.J.

"Oh, sure." said Lone Wolf.

"That would be nice." said David.

"Then come along." said Victor.

The men entered the ship's lounge and found Beck talking with the members of Coldplay. He was comparing baby pictures with Chris Martin.

"Here we have Apple just before we took her home from the hospital." said Chris.

"Very nice." said Beck. "One question: Apple?"

"Ask Gwyneth." said Chris.

"Aren't you afraid she's gonna get some teasing when she's older?" asked Beck. "Like they'll ask if she has a brother named Orange?"

Lenny Kravitz was talking with the members of Blues Traveler. Lead singer John Popper was showing off his harmonica.

"All you have to do is this." said John. He blew a note and added "And there ya go. With some practice, you could be very proficient within a year."

"Thanks, that's great." said Lenny. "You know, 'cause I was thinking of using a harmonica on the next album."

The Counting Crows were having a chat with LL Cool J.

"Can you explain how you were 'going back to Cali' when you're from New York?" asked Crows lead singer Adam Duritz.

"Hey, as soon as you explain who Maria is." said Cool J.

The members of Love Fist were having a conversation with Slash and Meat Loaf.

"So, tell us." said Meat Loaf. "Are you guys actually gonna sing or are you gonna pull an AshleeSimpson?"

"Of course we're gonna sing." said Jezz Torrent.

"I'll believe that when I see it." said Slash.

"You mean you actually have a face under that hair?" asked Jezz.

The members of Better Than Ezra were looking out the window at the field of cars.

"Hey, there's a Lotus." said lead singer Kevin Griffin.

"Nice to see you guys again." said a woman. The guys turned to see Sheryl Crow walking towards them.

"They called you too, huh, Sheryl?" asked Kevin.

"Are you kidding?" replied Sheryl. "I'm surprised they didn't call more than who's in this room."

"May I have your attention please?" asked Mr. X. The musicians all gathered around.

"So, this is our band." said J.J. "Let's see. Beck, Better Than Ezra, Blues Traveler, Coldplay, the Counting Crows, Sheryl Crow, Lenny Kravitz, LL Cool J, Love Fist, Meat Loaf, and Slash. Is this everyone?"

"No, it's not." said another man. Everyone turned to see...

"Brad Turner." said Victor.

...coming out of the restroom.

"I've got friends in the race." said Brad. "I had to come."

"We're just about ready to let the racers on board." said Brock. "Somebody want to give them some music?"

"I'll do it." said Kevin. "Guys?"

Tom Drummond and Travis MacNabb followed him.

"Need help?" asked Sheryl.

"Yeah and we also need a piano player." said Kevin.

"That's me." said Chris.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin sat on the hood of the PT Phoenix and laughed at Team Rocket in the Pirahna PDQ.

"What's so funny?" asked James.

"I can't believe they let you come back a third time." said Steve. "You gonna bomb this one like the last two?"

"Guess again." said Jessie. "This is the Pirahna PDQ. You know what that stands for? Pretty Damn Quick."

"May I have your attention please?" asked Brock over the loudspeaker.

"No." joked Max Payne.

"We're just about to let you board the ship." announced Brock. "But first, some entertainment. Ladies and gentlemen, Better Than Ezra featuring Sheryl Crow and Chris Martin."

A cheer swept through the crowd as Chris started on his piano. Kevin followed with a guitar riff and his vocals.

**Raindrops bead again.  
Make a tidepool on your summer skin.  
Shoplift the corner store.  
Shoulda got, shoulda got some more.**

**How'd you get so low?  
How'd you get so low?  
Baby, I don't know.**

**God, how you look the same.  
I recognize the face, but not the name.  
Pull over, never stop.  
A carmel-colored girl in a halter top.**

**How'd you get so low?  
How'd you get so low?  
She says**

**Me and you got a lot to do.  
We go rolling from Friday to Sunday noon.  
Stop, start a letter, rent-a-saint in back.  
Wanna hit the interstate in a Cadillac  
and we're rolling.  
Yeah, we're rolling.**

Several cars paraded through the crowd. Just then, Jaleel stopped and held out his hands. When he had a clear path, he raced down the strip doing a wheelie.

**Could it be that hard?  
Never mind the rent and you quit your job.  
Flying at what cost?  
Shout outs to the ones we lost.**

**How'd you get so low?  
How'd you get so low?  
Oh.**

**Don't mind me. Me, I'm fine.  
Just get a little lost sometimes.  
What I really meant to say,  
I couldn't live without you another day.**

**How'd you get so low?  
How'd you get so low?  
She says**

**Me and you got a lot to do.  
We go rolling from Friday to Sunday noon.  
Stop, start a letter, rent-a-saint in back.  
Wanna hit the interstate in a Cadillac.  
And we're rolling.  
Yeah, we're rolling.**

**Are you just worried to see me?  
Are you just worried to need me**

Jesse and Chester rolled past the Torrida. When he saw the Stadt, Xander smiled and made a gun motion. Buffy followed with a thumbs-up, and Willow waved her hand.

Francis drove by the Bestia next. Memphis lowered his sunglasses, Dominic nodded, and Jesse gave an "Ozzy Osbourne salute".

**She says Me and you got a lot to do.  
We go rolling from Friday to Sunday noon.  
Stop, start a letter, rent-a-saint in back.  
Wanna hit the interstate in a Cadillac.  
And we're rolling.  
Yeah, we're rolling.  
On a Sunday afternoon.  
Me and you, we're rolling.  
**  
-"Rolling" by Better Than Ezra

XXXXXXXXXX

The ship's loading ramp lowered and the cars started to drive aboard.

Super Dave pulled into a parking space. "I'll wait here." he said. "You sign us up."

"Okey dokey, Super." said Fuji as he climbed out and ran to the registration desk.

"Once that's taken care of, we're all set." said Super Dave.

Just then, the LA Cop Car raced up the ramp behind the Alarde. Marcus was still steering while Regis was working the pedals.

"Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes!" yelled Marcus.

"I can't reach them!" yelled Regis.

The LA Cop Car plowed into the rear end of the Alarde and crushed it against the wall.

As Super Dave squealed for help, Marcus and Regis crawled out of the Cop Car. They still had their hands cuffed behind their backs.

"Hey, look who's here!" said Mad Max Rockatansky.

"Who?" asked Highway.

"Highway, meet Marcus and Regis Ellenstein." said Max. "Marcus, Regis, meet Highway, the Highwayman."

"Nice to meet you guys." said Highway.

"Nice to meet you too." said Regis. "I'd shake hands, but..." He and Marcus turned around to show them their handcuffs.

"Could somebody please get these off?" asked Marcus.

"Sure, no problem." said Max as he took out a hacksaw. "So, which hand do you write with?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Nash Bridges signed the necessary forms and asked the official "Do we really have to do this? We were in the qualifying run."

"I'm sorry, sir." said the official. "But everybody has to."

"Alright, just checking." said Nash as he handed the form to Joe. "Okay, let's sign the thing so we can get to the pre-race party."

"And then what?" asked Monk.

"And then your Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder kicks in." said Joe as he finished signing the form.

"Oh please!" said Monk as he started to sign the form. "My OCD is not that bad." He tried signing the form again and said "Could I have another pen? This one's dead."

"Of course." said the official as he handed him another pen. He started to sign his name again, then stopped again.

"Could I have another pen please?" he asked. "This one's the wrong color."

"Oh, we don't penalize for that." said the official.

"I think you'd better honor his request, bubba." said Nash. "He's already two stages beyond anything we've seen before."

Sam Malone signed Team Cheers into the race. "You know, we were in the qualifying run too." he said. "That's how we got in."

"Yes, sir." said the official. "Welcome to the race."

Sam returned to the team and said "Okay, guys, we're all signed up. I think it's time we took in the pre-race celebration."

"Yup, got a party to attend." said Cliff.

"Right behind you, Mr. Clavin." said Woody.

"I think I'll surprise everyone and go to the bar." said Norm.

Sam laughed as Norm walked off to the bar. Norm opened the door, entered the bar, and was greeted by a cry of "Norm!"

Sam stared in surprise.

"He's got a rep, Sammy." said Cliff.

XXXXXXXXXX

"The cars are currently boarding the ship." said David. "I guess it won't be long before we can set sail."

"I think this race is going to be an all-timer." said Phil.

"I think you're right." said Frankie. "There's a shooting star."

Schwag looked up at the shooting star. "That shooting star looks a lot like a Volkswagen." he said.

The Emu plunged through the Earth's atmosphere towards the ship. "Well, the good news is that we're almost through the Earth's atmosphere and I don't think we'll need the heat shield anymore." said Mike.

"That's good." said Tom. "Because the heat shield has COMPLETELY BURNED AWAY!"

"Michael J. Nelson, now would be a good time to use that parachute." said Crow. Gypsy just screamed in terror.

"Hold on." said Mike. He pulled a switch and a series of parachutes deployed.

"Descent has slowed to to point where we can make a safe landing." said Gypsy, now calm.

"Looks like we should prepare for a water landing." said Tom.

"Oh no, I forgot my rubber duckie." moaned Crow.

"No problem." said Mike as he pulled another switch and an inflatable raft enveloped the car's bottom.

The Emu glided gracefully through the air for a few more minutes, then touched down on the water with a light splash. The parachutes drifted down and covered the car.

"Splashdown has occurred." said Mike. "Welcome to Earth!"

Gypsy, Tom, and Crow cheered. "Okay, next on our list." said Mike. "We somehow get to shore, somehow get on the ship, and somehow register for the race.

Just then, Phil and David pulled the parachutes off the car and looked into the passenger compartment. It turned out they had landed in the ship's swimming pool, not the ocean.

"Or we can just skip to registering for the race." said Tom.

XXXXXXXXXX

After all the Cannonballers pulled on board, the protectors followed. Tackleberry pulled into the ship's cargo bay.

"London Patrol Car, Eugene Tackleberry." he said.

"Congratulations, you managed to take the last space." said the official.

"Thank you." said Tackleberry as he drove into the cargo bay to take his space. Mahoney pulled in next.

"New York Patrol Car, Carey Mahoney." he said.

"I'm sorry, officer." said the official. "He took the last space."

"What do we do now?" asked Walker.

"You guys get out here." said Mahoney. "I'll take care of it."

Jones and Walker climbed out of the car and Mahoney drove off.

"I don't know what he's looking for." said Jones. "All the spaces are clearly taken.

Mahoney raced around the cargo bay, then raced back towards the entrance. Along the way, he drove over a ramp and tilted the car onto its side wheels.

"Of course, he also has been known to do many things no one else..." said Jones as Mahoney drove by.

Walker saw him and yelled "Holy shit!"

Jones looked and yelled "Jesus!"

Mahoney then wedged the police car between the Victory and the Modo Prego and climbed out the window. "It fits!" he yelled. "Damn thing fits! And I thought there were no more spaces. Am I an idiot or what?"

XXXXXXXXXX

In the lounge, the betting parlor was set up. The band members gathered around to place their bets.

"I'd like to place a bet on the Torrida." said Chris Martin.

"A million dollars on the Knight." said Adam Duritz.

"I'm putting up a hundred grand on the PT Phoenix." said Sheryl Crow.

"Settle down, people!" called the pit boss, a black woman with a British accent. "My name is Nessa. I will be managing the betting on this race with the help of Chloe here." She pointed to a grumpy-looking blonde woman sitting in front of the computer. Chloe just waved. "Now then, if we can conduct the betting in a civilized manner, we shall get underway. Chloe, I believe Mr. Turner has a bet to make."

"Mr. Turner, what is your bet?" asked Chloe.

"I'll match Miss Crow's bet of a hundred grand." said Brad Turner.

"On who?" asked Chloe.

"On who else?" asked Brad. "The Boost. Those are my friends."

"Fine." said Chloe as she entered the information into the computer.

"Everybody, we are preparing to set sail soon." said Nessa. "If you'd like to wave goodbye to the fans, now is the time."

XXXXXXXXXX

Mr. X walked away from the ship and climbed into a black Ford Model A hot rod. He started it and drove off. He looked in the rearview at the Sea Phantom setting sail and said "Bon voyage."

The cruise ship pulled away from the dock and set sail for the Bermuda Triangle. The spectators waved to the ship while cheering. Within minutes, the ship was a good distance away.

It was then that an old DeSoto police car and a Buick Riviera pulled up to the docks. Sam and Max jumped out of the DeSoto.

"Consarn it! We missed the boat!" yelled Sam.

"Maybe we shouldn't have stopped for corndogs." said Max as he took another bite from his corndog.

"We need a plan." said Sam. "We have to get on that boat."

"Maybe we can rent a plane to fly us out there." said Max.

"Are you nuts?" asked Sam. "That boat's going to the Bermuda Triangle. No one's crazy enough to fly there."

"I know of someone." said Max. "We have to go to Miami."

"Time's a wasting." said Sam as he got back into the car. The driver of the Riviera watched them drive off and gave chase.

XXXXXXXXXX

On the ship, the Cannonballers began the pre-race party.

Richard Parker and Larry Wilson sat next to the late Bernie Lomax in deck chairs.

"You know, I don't think it'll be so bad travelling with Bernie." said Richard.

"Yeah, it's not like he's gonna talk our ears off." said Larry as he took a flyswatter and whacked a fly that landed on Bernie.

"We'll just leave him in the backseat and keep the air conditioner on full blast." said Richard.

"Maybe we should bring extra formaldahyde." joked Larry.

"Right now, I think we should get extra drinks." said Richard.

"I'm with you." said Larry. "Hey, Bernie. You want anything?"

Bernie said " "

"Guess not." said Larry.

XXXXXXXXXX

Agent K walked over to Mulder and said "I was just talking to the captain and he says we just entered the Bermuda Triangle."

"That's interesting." said Mulder. "Say, is it true that aliens cruise the Bermuda Triangle and perform abductions?"

"Nah." said K. "You listen to too many stories."

Suddenly, a flying saucer flew over to the side of the ship and an alien climbed out the top. "Excuse me." it said. "Do you know where I can find Roswell?"

"Oh yeah, it's about three thousand miles to the west." said K. "Just look for Marty's. Can't miss it."

"Thank you!" said the alien. The flying saucer flew off.

"What was that?" asked Mulder.

"What was what?" asked K. "I didn't see anything."

XXXXXXXXXX

Out by the pool...

"Looks like everything's in order here." said Tackleberry.

"Yeah, the Cannonballers are behaving themselves." said Hightower.

"Hey, guys!" yelled Zed. "Look what I found!" He climbed out of the pool and held up a bikini top.

"Where did you get that?" asked Hooks.

"It was just floating there." said Zed. "Someone must've taken it off someone."

"What do you got there?" asked Flash as he walked over.

"It's someone's bikini top." said Tackleberry.

"Guys, why is there a gulper eel in the pool?" asked Hooks.

The "gulper eel" surfaced. It was Gypsy. "Okay! Who took off my bikini top!" she demanded.

"Hello, Cannonballers! Big Schwag here ready to host the watersports competition as part of the pre-race party. We are currently accepting entrants for the competition, so if you think you got what it takes, step right up!"

The T-X morphed her outfit into a swimsuit and dove into the pool. "Come on in. The water's fine." she said.

"I will not." said the T-1000. "I detect the water is very cold and will cause a temperature sensor overload if I were to dive in."

"Did this guy just say he's not getting in the pool?" asked Jesse Richmond.

"Yeah!" said Chester. "Let's change his mind."

They picked up the T-1000 and carried him to the pool. Despite his protests, they threw him in. The T-1000 thrashed around in sensory overload, rewinding through his various transformations until he got used to the temperature and morphed into a swimsuit.

"Ten points off for horseplay!" called Schwag.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Cannonballers, lend me your ears." said Phil. "Welcome to the latest running of the Cannonball Run. A new race is waiting in the wings. No fewer than forty two teams are preparing to take part and show off how we..."

He was cut off by a woman's scream. Everybody looked to see Animal chasing Velma through the crowd while yelling "Woman! Woman!"

XXXXXXXXXX

At his home in Los Angeles, Shadoe Stevens watched the party while making lunch. "Boy, I wish I could do announcements for that someday." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

Phil continued "Shortly, we shall be ready to run the race. I'm sure you're all itching to try out those killer strategies and devious plans, but for now, it's time to celebrate. And now, we give you the Cannonball band, featuring Beck, Better Than Ezra, Blues Traveller, Coldplay, Counting Crows, Sheryl Crow, Lenny Kravitz, LL Cool J, Meat Loaf, Love Fist, Slash, and Brad Turner. Here, we have a little party song to get things started. This is, of course, 'Party Hard'."

Richard and Larry returned to the deck. "It's party time." said Richard.

Larry looked at their deck chairs and said "Richard, where's Bernie?"

Richard looked and saw the deck chair was empty. "Oh God, we have to find him." he said.

"Right." said Larry. "I'll take port, you take starboard!"

**When it's time to party, we will party hard.  
Party hard.**

**You,  
You work all night (all night)  
And when you work, you don't feel alright.  
And we,  
We can't stop feeling alright. (alright)  
And everything is alright.**

**'Cause we will never listen to your rules. (No)  
And we will never do as others do. (No)  
We do what we want and we get it from you.  
We do what we like and we like what we do.**

**So, let's get a party going. (Let's get a party going)  
Now it's time to party and we'll party hard. (Party hard)  
Let's get a party going. (Let's get a party going)  
When it's time to party, we will always party hard.  
Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard.  
Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard.**

Richard and Larry returned to the deck.

"Did you find him?" asked Richard.

"Not a trace!" said Larry.

"Keep looking!" said Richard.

Larry turned and said "I found him."

"Where?" asked Richard.

"There!" yelled Larry as he pointed into the crowd. Bernie was crowd surfing.

Richard and Larry stared in horror as the crowd tossed Bernie into the air repeatedly.

**Alright.  
You.  
You break the thing.  
And when you play, you feel alright.  
But we,  
we can't stop feeling alright. (alright)  
And everything is alright.**

**'Cause we will never listen to your rules. (No)  
And we will never do as others do. (No)  
Know what we want and we get it from you.  
We do what we like and we like what we do.**

**So, let's get a party going. (Let's get a party going)  
Now it's time to party and we'll party hard. (Party hard)  
Let's get a party going. (Let's get a party going)  
When it's time to party, we will always party hard.  
Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard.  
Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard. Party hard.**

-"Party Hard" by Andrew W.K.

The crowd cheered. "Alright." said Phil. "I'm sure that's got you going. Take in the party, because in short order, it will be time to race and that's when the real fun begins. I understand Chairman Kaga is holding a cooking competition in the ship's dining hall. For that, we go to Frankie Whiteside."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Thanks, Phil." said Frankie. "As you mentioned, the Chairman is in fact holding a cooking competition here in the dining hall. As expected, the competition will be performed 'Iron Chef' style. Hold on, here he is."

Chairman Kaga walked in to the applause of the field of racers. "If my memory serves me correctly," he said "there are both master and amateur chefs in this race. We have brought in not one, but two of those racers to compete in this makeshift Kitchen Stadium. These are two radically different competitors and they are here. For the first three-way Iron Chef battle, I introduce the first of the two competitors. Please give a welcome to...REESE!"

Malcolm's brother Reese walked into the Stadium and waved to the crowd. He walked up to the Chairman and shook his hand.

"Welcome, Reese." said Kaga.

"Nice to be here." said Reese.

"Before we go any further," said Kaga "I would like to introduce your competition. Everybody, I introduce...MICHAELANGELO!"

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Michaelangelo entered the Stadium and gave a dual peace sign to the audience. He then walked up and gave the Chairman a handshake so elaborate, you'd think it was a gang initiation.

"Welcome, Michaelangelo." said Kaga.

"Mahalo, dude." said Michaelangelo.

"Now that we have introduced the competitors, we shall get into the competition." said Kaga. "I summon the Iron Chefs!"

Chen Kenichi and Masahiko Kobe walked out on stage.

"I believe it was Michaelangelo who won the coin toss backstage." said Kaga. "So, tell me. Who will it be!"

"Kobe-dude!" yelled Michaelangelo.

Kobe shook hands with Chen and walked out to take his place in the kitchen.

"With a worldwide race in the wings," said Kaga "it is only appropriate to use an ingredient that is revered worldwide. And so, we reveal the ingredient!"

He pulled the cover off of a table full of tomatoes. "Today's theme ingredient...tomatoes."

"Ah." said Kobe.

"Okay." said Reese.

"Rock!" yelled Michaelangelo.

"And now, we begin." said Kaga. "Ready! Set! Allez cuisine!"

The gong rang and the three chefs ran up to get some tomatoes.

XXXXXXXXXX

On the deck, Lone Wolf walked through the crowd smiling and evaluating the various Cannonballers. "Possible come-from-behind." he said. "Definite top five...Strong contender...Snowball's chance in Hell..."

He walked past Buffy, Willow, and Xander sitting on deck chairs. "Hey, Will." said Buffy. "Isn't he cute?"

"Hello?" said Willow. "Gay now."

"Oh, sorry." said Buffy. "Xander, isn't he cute?"

"Very funny." said Xander.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the ship's bar...

"Hello, ladies." said Regis. "Looking for something special?"

"Yeah." said Lara Croft. "Let us know when you find it."

Lara and her team walked away laughing.

"What?" asked Regis.

"Quite the ladies' man, huh?" asked Marcus.

"What?" asked Regis.

"Your problem is that you're trying too hard." said Marcus.

"What?" asked Regis.

"Does that happen to you often?" asked Cate Archer.

"More often than we like." said Chun Li. "Just once, I'd like to run across a guy who isn't a complete moron."

"Good afternoon." said James Bond.

"Well, if it isn't the legendary James Bond." said Joanna Dark.

"Nice to meet you, ladies." said James. "I assume you're familiar with my friend here, Jaws."

"Hi, girls." said Jaws.

"It's like a superspy reunion." said Cate.

"I haven't seen you since the race two years ago." said James.

"Did you say you were in the race two years ago?" asked Matt Trakker.

"Yes, I did." said James. "Why do you ask?"

"Many of the vehicles used were based on our designs." said Bruce Sato. "We're trying to find our information leak."

"I'd have to talk to R about that." said James.

"I'm afraid I don't have any information for you either." said Lara. "My teammates were responsible for the construction of the Stiletto."

"Thanks anyway." sighed Matt.

"So, are there any other people from the intelligence community in the race?" asked Joanna.

"Well, I heard that Ethan Hunt and Solid Snake were in the race as well." said James. "I wonder where they are."

XXXXXXXXXX

In the cargo hold...

"I used these to find and disarm bombs on that oil rig." said Solid Snake as he held a bomb sniffer and a can of coolant. "Maybe we can use them to get that bomb out of the car."

"Hope so." said Ethan. "Don't want this thing blowing sky high with us in it."

"Who's there?" yelled someone. A tough looking guy entered the hold with his gun pointed at Ethan and Snake.

"I'm Ethan Hunt and this is Solid Snake." said Ethan. "Who are you?"

"Danny McCoy, security chief at the Montecito in Vegas." said the man. "I came with Nessa to manage security at Cannonball headquarters. What are you doing here?"

"We're performing a little maintenance." said Snake. "We're removing something the car's previous owner left in the car. It might cause a few problems down the road."

"Okay, but I'm having someone watch you." said Danny. "He'll be along shortly."

"Thank you." said Ethan. "We won't disappoint you."

XXXXXXXXXX

Back in the bar...

"I am here with one member of last year's winning team." said Phil as he stood next to Homer Simpson. "Mr. Simpson, I understand you were with the victorious team last year."

"I was!" yelled Homer.

"Yes, you were." said Phil.

"Yes, I was." said Homer.

"What do you think are your chances for winning this race?" asked Phil.

Homer scoffed. "Child's play." he said. "I am completely certain that my family will once again taste victory. Mmmmm...victory."

Norm was sitting at the bar. "I'm telling you," he said "we have absolutely no place like this in Boston."

Lara and her team sat at a nearby table. "So, what do you think of our competition this year?" asked Lara.

"No trouble at all." said Joanna. "I think we might have a better chance this year."

"I agree." said Chun Li. "Our previous experience will come in pretty handy."

"Don't ask me." said Cate. "I'm a rookie here."

Just then, Lone Wolf entered. He walked around, smiling at everyone.

"Hello." said Cate.

"Who's the hunk?" asked Joanna.

"I dunno, but I hope he comes over here." said Chun Li.

"And you must be Lara Croft." said Lone Wolf.

"Well, I guess you've done your homework." said Lara.

"Actually, figuring out who you were was no trouble." said Lone Wolf. "Mr. X described you nicely."

"Mr. X?" asked Joanna.

"Yes, he hired me as part of the protection force." said Lone Wolf.

"So, you're not a competitor." said Chun Li.

"No, I'm not." said Lone Wolf.

"Well, nice to know there's no conflict of interest." said Lara.

"I see." said Lone Wolf. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I have more patrols to perform."

Lara and her team talked about Lone Wolf as he walked away. "Nice girls." he thought.

XXXXXXXXXX

On the Lido deck, Nash entered the stateroom he was sharing with his teammates. He found Joe sitting on the bed and Monk staring out the window.

"Adrian, you're back already?" asked Nash.

"He never left." said Joe.

"Is this one of those viral outbreak ships?" asked Monk.

Nash looked into the hallway, then closed the door. "Alright, let's get down to it."

"Okay, what's the deal?" asked Joe.

"The truth is that we are not an official entry." said Nash. "We're actually in this as an undercover security team."

"We're working with the other security teams to help protect the racers from someone trying to steal the prize money." said Monk.

"Why are you so concerned?" asked Joe.

"Last year, a cabal of supervillains attempted to steal the prize money too." said Nash. "In the process, they tried to kill or slow down the racers to buy themselves enough time to pull off their heist."

"There was a nasty gun battle in Australia." said Monk. "Because of it, there was a ban on weapons this year."

"The racers are only allowed to have personal weapons." said Nash.

"Do we have any idea who this guy is?" asked Joe.

"Not a clue." said Monk.

"Mr. X knows, but we can't talk to him." said Nash. "If we are seen talking to him, someone's going to find out we're in cahoots and our cover is blown."

"So, what do we do?" asked Joe. "Race until someone attacks us and then try to stop them?"

"That's the plan." said Nash.

"That's great." said Joe.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the bar, Mario's team found Sonic's team.

"Well, it looks like this little game continues." said Sonic.

"Si, si." said Mario. "Perhaps this-a time, there will be a clear winner."

"And we all know who that will be." said Knuckles.

"Yeah, us." said Link.

"Not necessarily." said Tails.

"Face it, it's gonna be us to win." said Luigi.

"Or maybe a third party." said another voice.

Everyone turned to see...

"Wario!" said Mario.

"Yes, indeed." said Wario. "I plan to show up my old friend by snatching victory away from him. I also plan to embarrass him by besting his nemesis Sonic. It will be glorious."

"No chance!" said Sonic. "You'll have to beat me first."

"No, he'll have to beat-a me first." said Mario.

"We're the ones he's gotta beat." said Knuckles.

"Here we go again." said Luigi.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So, Butler." said Artemis Fowl. "Do you think I can take that climbing wall?"

"Of course, sir." said Butler. "Just remember to pace yourself."

"Is that a biplane?" asked Artemis.

"Looks like it." said Butler. "What is it doing here?"

On the biplane, Sam and Max rode in back as the plane approached the ship.

"I love the Triangle." said the pilot.

"I don't see much to impress me yet." said Max.

"Hey, I've got a joke." said the pilot. "Why do they call this a biplane? Because you never know if it's coming back."

Sam and Max let out a groan. "Hey, there's our destination!" said Sam.

"That's what the parachute's for." said the pilot. "Happy landings."

Sam picked up Max by the ears and jumped out of the plane. In mid-freefall, Sam pulled the ripcord and glided towards the ship. The parachute got hung up on the railing of the ship's top deck. Sam and Max were left hanging over Artemis and Butler.

"That's quite an entrance." said Artemis.

"Thanks." said Sam. "We're looking for someone who might be driving a Ford Escorth Cosworth in the race. Know where we might find them?"

"That sounds like that nerd and that biker." said Butler.

"Nerd? Biker?" said Sam. "Any names?"

"Bernard and Ben, I believe." said Artemis.

"He looks good, Sam." said Max. "Can we hang him in the den?"

Sam punished his friend by letting go of his ears and dropping him face-first onto the deck.

"You suck, Sam." said Max.

"Thanks, we'll poke an eye out." said Sam.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well, ladies." said James from Team Rocket. "I'm going to hit the can."

"I think I'll go to the litterbox too." said Meowth.

When the male members of Team Rocket left, the girls started talking to each other. "Do you really think we have a chance this year?" asked Jessie.

"Not a chance." said Annie. "Don't you know our history?"

"She's right." said Oakley. "I don't even know why we're taking part."

Just then, Lone Wolf walked into the bar.

"I stand corrected." said Oakley.

"Ooh, I like." said Jessie.

"Hey, ladies." said Lone Wolf. "How's it going?"

"Very well now that you're here." said Annie.

"So, what team are you with?" asked Lone Wolf.

"We're Team Rocket." said Jessie proudly.

"Oh, I've heard of you." said Lone Wolf. He then thought "Oh my God! Not THESE guys! Mr. X warned me about them!"

"And what team are you with?" asked Oakley.

"Oh, I'm not with a team." said Lone Wolf. "I'm actually part of the governing body. I'm one of the protectors."

"Really?" asked Jessie.

"Well, nice talking with you all." said Lone Wolf. He walked away just as James and Meowth returned.

"Did I miss anything?" asked James.

XXXXXXXXXX

Out by the pool...

"Ladies and gentlemen," announced Schwag "the swimming competition is about to get underway. Our competitors are...Jesse Richmond and Chester Greenburg..."

Jesse and Chester sat at the edge of the pool wearing red and blue bathing suits.

"...the T-1000 and T-X..."

The T-1000 sat near Jesse and Chester in a yellow bathing suit while the T-X sat near him in a purple bikini.

"...and Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo."

Crow sat near them wearing green swim trunks and orange floaters on his arms. Tom sat next to him in a pink bikini.

"Damn you, Crow." muttered Tom. "Why do you always have to dress me in women's clothing?"

"The first part of the event will be a relay race." announced Schwag. "First, one member of the team will swim across the pool and back, then his or her partner will repeat said action. The first ones are Jesse Richmond, the T-1000, and Crow T. Robot."

Jesse, the T-1000, and Crow took their marks.

"Ready." said Schwag. "Set. Go!"

The three dove into the pool and started swimming. The T-1000 took an early lead by morphing into a dolphin. Crow fell into last because his hands were just frames.

Not surprisingly, the T-1000 completed his lap first and the T-X took over for him. Jesse followed shortly afterward and let Chester have his turn. Chester did a belly flop and started swimming.

Crow finally reached the end of his lap and said "Go get 'em, Servo! And see if you can find my lost floater."

"I'm on it, Crow." said Tom as he hopped into the pool. Tom propelled himself across the pool with his hover unit until he stopped and started to sink. "Crow, I found your floater! It's up my hoverdrive!" he yelled.

"As you can see, we have a little trouble out there." said Schwag. "Over to you, Dave, until we can sort this out."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Thanks, Schwag." said David. "Hello, folks. David Spade here. The party is fully underway. We are seeing some incredible entertainment both from and for our racers. Meanwhile, the transcontinental bridges are under construction. We now go to our reporters on the scene."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Alaska, several construction vehicles were driving away from a freshly-built bridge. A crane had its boom up and was holding a spreader bar with a banner reading "Mission Accomplished".

A man and a woman stood nearby. "This is Jack O'Neil and Heather Scott reporting from Alaska." he said.

In California, amateur magician-turned construction company head George Oscar "Gob" Bluth watched the report. His brother Michael walked in.

"What's up?" asked Michael.

"Michael, I want you to see this." said Gob. He grinned as he directed Michael to the television.

Michael walked over to watch the report.

"And these bridges are to be used in the Cannonball Run?" asked Heather.

"That's correct." said the foreman. "We have constructed these bridges as part of the race. All continents have been connected."

"That sounds like a massive undertaking." said Jack.

"Indeed it was." said the foreman. "That's why the race organizers contacted our company to build them."

"What company was that?" asked Heather.

"Why, Bluth Construction of course." said the foreman.

"No way!" said Michael. "You got the contract to do the bridges for the Cannonball? How did you swing that?"

"It was..." said Gob before whipping his hand and making a bouquet of flowers appear in his hand. "...magic!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Now, I understand there are several new participants in addition to the returnees, right?" asked David.

"You are correct." said Phil. "I am here with three of the new competitors in the race whom I shall interview now." He walked over and asked "Sir, what's your name, hometown, and occupation?"

"My name is Hank Hill. I'm from Arlen, Texas. I sell propane and propane accessories."

"What vehicle are you driving in the race?" asked Phil.

"I am driving the Jones J450." said Hank. "It's a fine performance truck which I am driving with my son and three of my friends."

"Hey, Hank!" yelled Dale. "Tell them about your narrow urethra!"

"Dangit, Dale!" yelled Hank as he went after Dale.

"While he goes to reduce the membership of his team," said Phil "let's move on to this fine gentleman who needs no introduction. Mr. Jesse James."

"How's it going, Phil?" asked Jesse.

"Very well, Jesse." said Phil. "What car is your team in?"

"The 1971 Bestia." said Jesse. "Nine-hundred horsepower of American muscle."

"Tell me, what is your motivation for entering the Cannonball?" asked Phil.

"Are you kidding?" asked Jesse. "High speed driving? Incredible danger at every turn? It's just the chaos of this all that makes it so cool."

"I knew you'd understand." said Phil. "And you, sir?"

"Cliff Clavin, U.S. Postal Service in Boston."

"What team are you with and what car?" asked Phil.

"Team Cheers and the Citi." said Cliff.

"Do you think you have a good chance?" asked Phil.

"Does anybody really?" asked Cliff.

"Very confident." said Phil. "Well, thank you very much."

"You know, it's a little known fact," said Cliff "but the original Cannonball Run was a simple balls-to-the-wall cross country sprint. The full name was the Cannonball Baker Sea-To-Shining-Sea Memorial Trophy Dash."

"Thank you, sir." said Phil.

"The ideas were first plotted back in 1965." said Cliff. "Back then, Brock Yates was talking with other journalists about high speed cross country runs."

"Thank you very much, sir." said Phil as he took a step away from Cliff.

"The first run was performed in '71." said Cliff as he followed. Phil broke into a jog with Cliff right behind him. "Brock drove with his son and two other drivers in a van called _Moon Trash II_." He and Phil upgraded to a run. "The initial run was a somewhat disappointing forty hours and fifty-one minutes."

"We've never had a foot pursuit before!" said David as Cliff chased Phil past him. "Anyways, we have a cooking competition going on. Over to you, Frankie."

XXXXXXXXXX

"It is now ten minutes into the cooking competition." said Frankie. "So, let's meet the judges. First up is paranormal enforcer Peter Venkman."

"How you doing, Frankie?" asked Peter.

"Just fine." said Frankie. "Are you looking forward to the race?"

"You bet I am." said Peter.

"Alright." said Frankie. "Next up, we have race car driver Gloria Baker."

"A pleasure to be here." said Gloria.

"You drive race cars for a living." said Frankie. "Do you think that gives you and your team an advantage?"

"Possibly." said Gloria. "Of course, it's been a while since I've raced around the world on public roads."

"Good answer." said Frankie. "Over here, we have Tommy Vercetti. He has done so much in Vice City, we can't even list it all."

"Nor should you." said Tommy.

"Tommy, you were in the race last year." said Frankie. "Do you think your additional experience will give you a better chance?"

"All I know is I've got a car, it's fast, and I'm not laying down." said Tommy. "How does that sound?"

"Pretty confident if you ask me." said Frankie. "And finally, we have Buckaroo Banzai. Particle physicist, rock musician, brain surgeon. Is there anything he can't do?"

"In due time, we'll see if I can't win this race." said Buckaroo. "The competition is really fierce this year."

"Last year, there was some controversy over your team's use of the Oscillator..." said Frankie.

"You mean the Oscillation Overthruster." said Buckaroo. "Yes, that was kind of unfortunate. However, we plan to play by the rules this year, so there should be no controversy."

"Thank you very much." said Frankie. "We shall see who wins the race, but for now, we'll see who wins this cooking competition. Whose cuisine will reign supreme?"

Just then, Michaelangelo walked over, dropped a pizza on the table, and said "Tada!" Everybody stared at him in surprise. "What? I thought this was a race." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Thank you, Frankie." said David. "Now, I'm sure you all would like to meet this next guy. He's the guy who managed to get the word out about this race. He's also the reason the people at home are watching. Please give a warm welcome to George Newman."

The crowd went crazy as George walked out on stage.

"I know this guy." said Dr. John Dorian. "He's got a music show on U62."

"Get out. You watch U62?" asked Agent J.

"Oh yeah." said J.D. "It's the only channel they let us watch on break at Sacred Heart."

"I watch it for a friend." said J. "He's developed a formula to turn ordinary household items into plutonium. He used to work at U62."

"You ever watch this guy's show?" asked J.D. "It's really bizarre. He takes popular songs and sets them to polka music."

"Yeah, it's nuts." said J. "I still remember the time he took songs by the Stones and made a medley set to polka music."

"Mr. Newman, I understand you are taking part in the race yourself." said David.

"That is correct." said George. "I am in fact taking part in the race with Stanley and Kuni. Our car is the Super Taxi and like everyone else, we'll try our best."

"Do you have anything planned for entertainment?" asked David.

"Funny you should ask." said George. "I actually have something I was going to ask to do. Kuni?"

Kuni walked through the crowd with a box.

"I wonder what's in the box." said J.D. "Oh no. He wouldn't."

Kuni handed the box to George. George opened it and took out an accordian.

"He shouldn't!" said J.

"Alright." said George. "I'm going to try to break my record for most songs in one of my medleys."

"What's the current record?" asked David.

"Twenty-seven." said George "So anyway. Polka!"

The drummer let out a long drum roll, then the rest of the band followed.

**One foot on the brake and one on the gas.  
There's too much traffic, man, I just can't pass.  
I try my best illegal move  
then a black and white come and touch my groove again.**

**Go on and write me up for one-twenty-five.  
Post my face 'Wanted: Dead or Alive.'  
Take my license and all that jive.  
'Cause I...can't...drive  
fifty-five!**

**We're gonna make it.  
We'll reach the top!  
We're gonna make it.  
And then  
We're never gonna stop.**

**I'm a mean machine.  
I'm the kind you don't wanna meet.  
My middle name is trouble.  
I'm a danger in the street.**

**Here I come.  
Better step aside.  
Here I come.  
Comin' atcha live.**

**Coming at you live.  
I'm comin' atcha live.  
Coming at you live.  
I'm comin' atcha live.  
Coming at you live.  
You better step aside.  
Coming at you live.  
Ow! Ow!**

**I'm heading out to the highway.  
I got nothing to lose at all.  
Going to do this my way.  
Taking a chance before I fall.  
I got nothing...to lose...at all.**

**We can't afford to be innocent.  
Stand up and face the enemy.  
It's a do or die situation.  
We will be invincible.**

**And with the power of conviction,  
there is no sacrifice.  
It's a do or die situation.  
We will be invincible.**

**Get your motor running.  
Head out on the highway.  
Lookin' for adventure  
and whatever comes our way.**

**Yeah, baby. Go and make it happen.  
Take the world in a love embrace.  
Fire all of your guns at once  
and shoot off into space.**

**Like a true nature's child,  
we were born, born to be wild.  
We can climb so high,  
we're never gonna die.**

**Born to be wild!  
Born to be wild!**

**Nobody thinks the way I do.  
I guess that nobody cares.  
Your head's so full of things,  
so set your mind free of them.  
I'm breaking the rules.**

**Sprung from cages on highway nine,  
chrome-wheeled, fuel-injected and stepping out over the line.  
Baby, this town rips the bones from your back.  
It's a death trap. It's a suicide rap.  
We gotta get out while we're young.  
'Cause tramps like us, baby, we were born to run**

Then George slowed it down to a lounge beat.

**California knows how to party.  
California knows how to party.  
In the city of L.A.  
In the city of good ol' Watts.  
In the city of Compton.  
We keep it rockin'  
We keep it rockin'**

George then switched back to polka and said "I like this one."

**I recall the time they found those fossilized mosquitoes  
and before long, they were cloning DNA.  
Now I'm being chased by some irate velociraptors.  
Well, believe me. This has been one lousy day.**

**Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark.  
All the dinosaurs are running wild.  
Someone shut the fence off in the rain.  
I admit it's kind of eerie,  
but this proves my chaos theory  
and I'm never coming back this way again.  
Oh no!**

**Oh, on I burn.  
Fuel is pumping engines.  
Burning hard loose and clean.**

**Churning my direction.  
Quench my thirst with gasoline.**

**Gimme fuel, gimme fire,  
gimme that which I desire.**

**It's amazing.  
With the blink of an eye,  
you finally see the light.  
It's amazing.  
That when the moment arrives,  
you know you'll be alright.  
It's amazing.  
And I'm saying a prayer  
for the desperate hearts tonight.**

**Pinning the needle.  
Cruising for midnight thrills.  
Stuck in the middle.  
We were just spinning our wheels.  
Pushin' the pedal.  
Listen to the tires squeal.  
We were layin' rubber (layin' rubber)  
Layin' rubber (layin' rubber)**

**Laying in your bed and on a Saturday night.  
You're sweating buckets and it's not even hot.  
But your brain has got the message and it's sending it out  
to every nerve and muscle you've got.**

**You and me, we're goin' nowhere slowly  
and we've gotta get away from the past.  
There's nothing wrong with goin' nowhere, baby,  
but we should be goin' nowhere fast.**

**We've gotta pull ourselves together,  
hey hey hey, that's what I say.  
We've gotta pull ourselves together,  
hey hey hey, now hear me say.  
We've got to drive right into the fire,  
and start burning, burning, burning.  
We're motorvatin.  
We're motorvatin'.**

**Faces come, the faces go,  
all looking for someone to be.  
I don't mind. I do fine.  
There's nowhere that I'd rather be.**

**It's a mainline  
fast road to nowhere.**

**End of the week, cut me loose.  
Head for the town tonight.  
Fuel injected flat black chrome.  
It's enough to start a fight.  
Looking for girls, looking for love,  
looking for a little fun.  
If you're looking for trouble, just get in my way,  
'Cause I'm looking out for number one.**

**Drive down.  
Saturday night's the best.  
Only way around.  
Is my mean street machine.  
Drive down.  
Saturday night's the best.  
Only way around.  
Is my mean street machine.**

**I can hardly wait to hold you,  
feel my arms around you.  
How long I have waited,  
waited just to love you.  
Now that I have found you,  
don't ever go.**

**Life in the fast lane,  
surely make you lose your mind.  
Life in the fast lane,  
everything all the time.  
Life in the fast lane,  
un huh.**

**Soon it will be time to go.  
I don't want to leave, I guess you know.  
Maybe something new will come up  
and I can come home for just a few more days.**

**Get off this two-lane highway.  
Goin' my way  
movin' fast.  
Two-lane highway.  
is taking me home,  
home at last.**

**(Speed Demon)  
Speedin' on the freeway.  
Gotta get a leadway.  
(Speed Demon)  
Doin' it on the highway.  
Gotta have it my way.  
(Speed Demon)  
Mind is like a compass  
I'm stoppin' at nothin'  
(Speed Demon)  
(He'd say) Pull over boy  
and got your ticket right...**

**Road trippin' with my two favorite allies.  
Fully loaded, we've got snacks and supplies.  
It's time to leave this town.  
It's time to steal away.  
Let's go get lost.  
Anywhere in the U.S.A.  
Let's go get lost.  
Let's go get lost.**

**Sometimes when your hopes have all been shattered  
And there's nowhere to turn  
You wonder how you keep going  
Think of all the things that really mattered  
And the chances you've earned  
The fire in your heart is growing  
You can fly, if you try leaving the past behind  
Heaven only knows what you might find.**

**Dare-dare to believe you can survive.  
You hold the future in your hand  
Dare-dare to keep all your dreams alive.  
It's time to take a stand.  
And you can win, if you dare.**

**You got the touch  
You got the power**

**After all is said and done  
You've never walked, you've never run  
You're a winner**

**You got the moves, you know the streets  
Break the rules, take the heat  
You're nobody's fool**

**You're at your best when the going gets tough  
You've been put to the test, but it's never enough.**

**We want fun and you better believe it.  
We want fun 'cause we desperately need it.  
We want fun, but you don't understand.  
...you gotta Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Make me a man.**

**We want fun and you better believe it.  
We want fun, either take it or leave it.  
We want fun and we're gonna get pasted.  
We want to have fun and we want to get wasted.**

**Get a grip on the action.  
Moving heaven and earth.  
Gotta get a reaction.  
Push for all that you're worth.**

**Rock hard!  
Ride free!  
All day, all night.  
Rock hard!  
Ride free!  
All your life.**

**All around the world.  
Gotta spread the word.  
Tell them what you heard.  
We're gonna make a better day.**

**All around the world.  
Gotta spread the word.  
Tell them what you heard.  
You know it's gonna be okay.**

**Take...on...me.  
Take on me.  
Take...me...on.  
Take on me.  
I'll...be...gone.  
In a DAAAAAAAYY!**

Glass breaking was heard

**Woo hoo!  
When I feel heavy metal!  
Woo hoo!  
And I'm pins and I'm needles!  
Woo hoo!  
Well, I lie and I'm easy  
all of the time, but I'm never sure  
why I need you.  
Pleased to meet you!**

**And it all begins where it ends.  
And she's all mine, my magic friend.**

**She says:  
Hello, you fool.  
I love you.  
Come on, join the joyride.  
Join the joyride.  
Hello, you fool.  
I love you.  
Come on, join the joyride.  
Be a joyrider.**

**It's okay, don't apologize.  
You don't know what you're striving for.  
You never seem to try.  
It's too early, go live your life.  
Keep on moving, it's time to  
Ride!  
Ride!  
Ride!  
Now, it's time to ride!  
Ride!  
Ride!  
Ride!**

**We're on a road to nowhere.  
Come on inside.  
Taking that ride to nowhere.  
We'll take that ride.  
Feeling okay this morning  
and you know.  
We're on a road to paradise.  
Here we go.  
Here we go.**

**We're on a road to nowhere.  
Hey!  
Hey!  
We're on a road to nowhere.  
Hey!  
Hey!  
We're on a road to nowhere.  
Hey!  
Hey!  
We're  
on  
a  
road to nowhere.  
Road to nowhere.  
Road to nowhere.**

**Hey!**

-"Cannonball Polka", a compilation of songs from "Cannonball Run 4", all chosen by Turbo Man for that fic, except for the last five which were chosen by me for the qualifying run.

The crowd cheered. "Alright, people!" called David. "Stick around! We've got more to come!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Come on, Ben." said Bernard after he had changed into a swimsuit.

"I'm not coming out." said Ben from their stateroom.

"Come on, it'll be fun." said Bernard.

Ben groaned and walked out of the room wearing a swimsuit.

"I'll hold you to that." said Ben.

"Are you Ben and Bernard?" asked Sam as he and Max entered.

"Yes." said Bernard. "May I ask why?"

"It's just that your car is stolen and we'd like to return it to its rightful owner." said Sam.

"Stolen?" asked Bernard.

"I'm innocent." said Ben.

"Yeah, and I'm peaceful and kindhearted." said Max.

"What did you say?" asked Ben.

"Not again!" said Sam.

"What's this about the car being stolen?" asked Bernard.

"Look, just give us the keys and we'll be on our way." said Sam.

"We can't." said Bernard. "It's our entry in the Cannonball and there's 250,000,000 on the line."

"Did you say 250,000,000?" asked Sam.

"Yes, he did." said Ben.

"You know, I'm a little apprehensive about taking the car off your hands now." said Sam.

"I'm sure our clients can wait." said Max. "After all, they don't deserve such a nice car."

"Need two more?" asked Sam.

"Terrific." groaned Ben. "Now we have to split it four ways."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, after three events," said Schwag "it's unbelievable, but we have a tie! The T-1000 and T-X took home a victory in the swimming relay, but faltered in the syncronized swimming event and were dead center in the three-way water polo event. Jesse and Chester finished second in the swimming relay and won synchronized swimming, but failed to make a single goal in water polo. Crow and Tom went belly up in the swimming relay, but came from behind to come in second in synchronized swimming and were the big winners in water polo."

"Man, Jesse!" said Chester. "How did we bomb water polo so badly?"

"I thought he said 'Marco Polo'." said Jesse.

"We were completely unprepared for a tie." said Schwag. "However, we do have one more event in the swimming competition to break the tie: the high dive!"

"Did he say diving?" asked Crow.

"Since they won the last event, Crow and Tom will go first." said Schwag.

Crow climbed the ladder to the diving board and walked to the end. "Here we go." he said. He bounced on the board a couple of times, then dove. A couple of seconds later, he hit the water...and shattered.

"Oh boy." said Tom. "I'm guessing that wasn't a win."

"We're going to try to get this guy out of the water and back together." said Schwag. "As soon as he's out, the T-1000 can make his dive."

A crewman scooped some of Crow's parts out of the pool. He dropped Crow's head next to Tom.

"Crow, are you alright?" asked Tom.

"Ask me again when I have a finger to give you." said Crow.

"Okay, the gold guy's out of the pool." said Schwag. "It's time for the next one."

The T-1000 made a couple of bounces on the diving board then dove off, morphed into a bullet shape, and pierced the water very smoothly.

"Not bad." said Schwag. "I think we might have a winner."

"Showoff." said the T-X as the T-1000 climbed out of the pool.

"What?" asked the T-1000.

"How are you going to follow that?" asked Chester.

"Watch." said Jesse. He walked over to the ladder, climbed it, and walked out on the diving board.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Jesse is about to make his dive." said Schwag. "He's got a lot to face up to. You saw the T-1000."

Jesse bounced on the board a couple of times, then jumped off, pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around his knees, and hit the water with the biggest splash they'd ever seen.

"Yes!" yelled Schwag. "That's what we were going for! The infamous Cannonball dive! Jesse has performed the dive bearing the race's name! He has remembered the reason we are all here! I think we have a winner!"

The crowd cheered as Jesse climbed out of the pool.

"Jesse, we won!" yelled Chester.

"We won?" asked Jesse.

"We won!" yelled Chester. "We kicked their tails!"

"Yeah!" yelled Jesse.

They wiggled their fingers together and squealed "Shibby!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"And now it is time for tasting and judging." said Kaga. "Or at least for the ones who did not finish early."

"Sorry, man!" said Michaelangelo. "I get impatient when it comes to pizza."

"As per the rules of the Iron Chef competition," said Kaga "the challenger, or at least the only one left, goes first."

"I decided to try my best at accentuating one particular aspect of the tomatoes with this dish." explained Reese.

"You know," said Peter as he sampled the dish "this tastes kind of...unique. I can't quite describe it. I'm sure Slimer might like this. So tell me, what aspect of the tomatoes did you try to accentuate?"

"The acidity." said Reese.

"Why did you try to..." asked Peter before clutching his stomach. "As I was saying, why did you try to..." he repeated before clutching his stomach again. "Excuse me." He jumped up and ran for the bathroom.

"I agree about the uniqueness." said Gloria as she began scooping up another forkful. "I can't really place it either. It is pretty acidy, though." Then she clutched her stomach and slowly stood up. "I'll be right back." she said before running after Peter.

Tommy didn't even get off a comment. He just ran from the table while holding his hands over his mouth. "You work for the Forellis, don't you?" he yelled as entered the bathroom.

Buckaroo and Kaga didn't even get a chance to eat the dish. When they noticed the others getting sick, they decided not to eat.

Kobe and Michaelagelo stared in shock while Reese grinned evilly.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the bar, Hsu and Chan talked to Brock.

"You want to do what?" asked Brock.

"We wish to use your likeness in a game produced by Tanaka Games." said Hsu. "It will be based on the Cannonball World Tour."

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" asked Brock.

"We've made racing games before." said Chan. "We know what we're doing."

"Are you going to try to make the racing environment as authentic as possible?" asked Brock. "And how?"

"Of course we are!" said Hsu. "We're going to be travelling through the area for the race. We'll be getting pictures and such on the journey."

"And what about the cars?" asked Brock. "Licensed?"

"It should be no problem." said Chan. "Most car companies are okay with street racing games nowadays and will allow us to use their models."

"Except for those pretentious snobs at Honda." sneered Hsu.

"Pansies." said Chan.

"How about music?" asked Brock. "Will you have licensed music?"

"We're going to ask the bands that are here right now." said Hsu.

"That's right, many of them have decent songs we can use." said Chan. "We're all set."

"Okay, what was the name of the movie that inspired 'The Dukes of Hazzard'?" asked Memphis.

"'Moonrunners'." said Dominic.

"You got it." said Memphis. "Your turn."

"What was the license number of the Jaguar in 'Speed'?" asked Dominic.

"TUNEMAN." said Memphis.

"Right." said Dominic. "Next?"

"What model of car was driven off the bridge in 'Triple X'?" asked Memphis.

"Corvette." said Dominic.

"Are you sure?" asked Memphis.

"Pretty sure." said Dominic.

"Hey, aren't you that guy from the Biker Boyz?" asked Cary.

"Yeah, that's me." said Jaleel.

"What are you doing here?" asked Cary. "Do you honestly believe a low rate motorcycle street racer has a chance here?"

"I do so believe I have a chance." said Jaleel. "And who are you calling low rate?"

"Hey, you think you're badass?" asked Cary. "Try facing a murder rap."

"Are you insinuating that you're a better rider than me?" asked Jaleel.

"Nothing gets past you, huh?" replied Cary.

"What do you say we do a little side wager?" asked Jaleel.

"You're on." said Cary.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Miami, Mason, Spike, Jetto, and the Gyro Captain waited at the docks.

"How much longer?" asked Spike.

"I dunno." said Mason. "A while I guess."

"Not 'til tomorrow, actually." said Mr. X as he climbed out of the Model A.

"Hey, you're that mate of the race organizer." said Jetto.

"Nice wheels." said Mason.

"Thanks." said Mr. X. "I call it the Hustler."

"What are you doing here?" asked the Gyro captain.

"I have an insider working for Jimmy DeMarco, the guy trying to steal the prize money." said Mr. X. "I came to pump him for information, but I found out he was a bit occupied. Then I found you guys here and I thought of something."

"What's that?" asked Mason.

"This DeMarco will most likely try to delay the Cannonballers in his bid to steal the prize money." said Mr. X. "Most likely, this is gonna get violent and someone could get hurt."

"And you want us to travel along with the Cannonballers to prevent any harm from coming to them." said Jetto.

"So, we're going to be acting as protection." said Spike.

"You guys catch on fast." said Mr. X. "Can I count on you guys?"

"Highway's in this." said Jetto. "Of course you can count on me."

"I'm in if Mason's in." said Spike.

"We're both in, then." said Mason.

"I guess I'm in." said the Gyro Captain.

"Good to hear that." said Mr. X. "By the way, I'd like you to meet the guy you'll be working with."

Another man, this one dressed as a pilot, climbed out of the Hustler and walked over to the men. "Hello." he said. "They call me Sky Captain."

"THE Sky Captain?" asked Mason.

"Yes, Mr. X asked me to work with him and his crew to protect the Cannonballers." said Sky Captain. "My mechanic, Dex is working for him as well."

"It looks like the Cannonballers are well protected now." said Jetto.

"That's good." said Mr. X. "They're gonna need good protection."

XXXXXXXXXX

Schwag and Frankie took to the stage by the pool.

"Hello, Cannonballers! Big Schwag here. Ready to get the party going with me is my trusted companion, Frankie Whiteside."

"Thanks, Schwag." said Frankie. "Up next for your listening pleasure is a guy who insisted on performing even though he wasn't a part of the Cannonball band. We would've said no, but he's just that good."

"Tell us, Frankie. Who is it?" said Schwag.

"It is none other than...Rob Zombie!" announced Frankie.

"You gotta be kidding me!" yelled Schwag.

"He's not." said Rob Zombie as he walked onstage. The crowd cheered. "Cannonballers, this is more your party than mine. As such, I thought for once, some of you would like to be part of the band. I'll need a guitarist, a rhythm guitarist, a bassist, and a drummer. Who do we have?"

"I'll be one of the guitarists." Natalie told the other Angels.

"Rock on!" said Dylan.

"You go!" said Alex.

Natalie climbed up on stage and got cheers from the crowd. "And what's your name?" asked Rob.

"I'm Natalie, I'm with team Angels, and I'd like to play lead guitar."

"What's going on?" asked Wayne.

"Whoa!" said Garth.

"Oh, these are two of my teammates, Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar." said Natalie. "I'd like to suggest them for rhythm guitar and drums respectively."

"What do you say, guys?" asked Rob.

"Well, Mr. Zombie." said Wayne. "You have made us a tempting offer, but I'm afraid we must decline."

"Yeah, we must." said Garth.

"Why's that?" asked Rob.

"Well, the problem is..." said Wayne.

He and Garth got on their knees and started bowing before Rob chanting "We're not worthy! We're not worthy!"

"Do we have anyone else who'd like to play guitar?" asked Rob.

Super Dave climbed up on stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, our rhythm guitarist is none other than 'Super Dave' Osbourne!" announced Rob.

The crowd cheered. Malcolm climbed up on stage.

"And what's your name?" asked Rob.

"My name's Malcolm. I'd like to play drums for the band."

"Do you know how to play the drums?" asked Rob.

"Well, it wasn't too hard to figure out." said Malcolm. "All it took was some analysis of the reverberation of the various pieces in the setup there and I was good to go."

"You're in." said Rob. Malcolm ran up, took a seat behind the drums, and turned to the camera.

"Boy, if mom and dad saw me doing this, I'd be in big trouble." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

At home, Malcolm's parents Hal and Lois stared at the television screen in shock.

"Oh my God!" screamed Lois.

"Malcolm's performing for Rob Zombie!" stammered Hal. "What's he thinking?"

"When he gets home, he is so grounded!" yelled Lois.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Finally, we need a bass player." said Rob.

Jarod climbed up on stage.

"And you are?" asked Rob.

"Jarod, Jarod Hynde. I'm with Team Fugitive."

"Are you a bass player?" asked Rob.

"I am today." said Jarod.

"Alright!" yelled Rob. "Right now, we're going to give you guys a little pre-race entertainment. This is a little ditty I call 'Two-Lane Blacktop'."

The crowd cheered as the band started to play.

**We've been goin', I've never been at ease.  
I met a gypsy girl and I took her on the track.  
The kinda girl walk. The driver don't talk.  
Twenty bucks between them just to keep them alive.**

**Drivin'  
Drivin'  
Drivin'  
Blacktop rollin'**

In the crowd, Beavis and Butthead played air guitar and banged their heads.

**We're going, going to Amarillo.  
A zero to a sixty in a seven-point-five.  
A model and bagel steels California.  
A glass of a beer, a scot of a rat.**

**Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'**

**Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Blacktop rollin'**

Then Natalie took the mic.

**Come on, baby! I ain't crazy!  
Come on, baby! Pick me up! Pick me up!  
Come on, baby! Do me, baby!  
Come on, baby! Hook it up! Hook it up!**

During the bridge, Murdock went crowd surfing. Xander tried to join him, but the crowd threw him into the pool. Rob took the mic again.

**Where ya goin'? An airport road.  
A clean machine. A real home girl.  
Barracuda, sixty-eight.  
Nothing there, she can wait.**

**Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'**

**Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Blacktop rollin'**

Natalie took the mic again.

**Come on, baby! I ain't crazy!  
Come on, baby! Pick me up! Pick me up!  
Come on, baby! Do me, baby!  
Come on, baby! Hook it up! Hook it up!**

Rob took back the mic.

**Come on!  
Come on!  
Come on!  
Come on!**

**Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Come on!  
Drivin'  
Blacktop rollin'**

-"Two-Lane Blacktop" by Rob Zombie

The crowd went wild chanting "More! More! More!"

"Sorry, folks." said Rob. "That was it."

"Not necessarily." said Super Dave. "We're gonna play even harder now! And this time, we're playing in the pool!"

"No, Super!" yelled Rob. "Don't!"

Ignoring him, Super Dave jumped into the pool.

While Super Dave was in mid-air, Rob yelled "That's an electric guitar!"

Xander hurredly climbed out of the pool. Super Dave hit the water a second later. There was a massive electrical jolt immediately. After it passed, Super Dave groaned "Yowl, electric pain!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Sometime later in Miami, Darden and Korpi's gang, the Highway Hunters, rolled up to DeMarco's mansion in their cars.

Tanner leaned against the Sentinel while Everett sat in the Mr. Whoopie. The Hot Alien Chicks stood and watched them exit their vehicles.

Joe Osbourne and Max Campisi climbed out of an old Oldsmobile Super 88, the Oceanic.

Paul Hackett and Feliz Vispone got out of a Lincoln Mark V called the Virgo.

Johnny B and Lance Nguyen exited their own car, a blue Nissan Skyline street racer with flames called the Elegy.

"Good, you all made it." said Tanner. "Our employer is waiting for us. Come."

The group entered the mansion and strolled up to DeMarco's office.

"Jimbo!" called Tanner.

"Hey, it's either Jim or Jimmy or Mr. DeMarco." said DeMarco. "Not Jimbo. Never Jimbo. In fact, for that, you're knocked back to Mr. DeMarco. So, these are the Highway Hunters?"

"Yes, Ji...I mean Mr. DeMarco." said Tanner. "And this is Capt. Tom Everett. These are the...uh..."

"You can call us the Hot Alien Chicks if you please." said their leader. "My name is Mitzi and this is Nichole, Linda, Mia, and Kim."

"Okay, I see." said DeMarco. "And your names?"

"I'm Lance Nguyen." said Lance. "This is Joe Osbourne, Max Campisi, Paul Hackett, Feliz Vispone, and Johnny B."

"Weren't there two more of you?" asked DeMarco.

"They're up in New York getting someone else." said Johnny B.

Just then, Darden and Korpi marched into the room with Foyt.

"She followed us home." said Korpi. "Can we keep her?"

"Jimmy DeMarco." said Foyt. "I should've known."

"Hey, Commander Foyt!" said DeMarco. "Nice to see you!"

"Don't try to smooth things over!" sneered Foyt. "I know all about you! You used to be a small-time hood in L.A! You would've stayed that way had you not come across a crapload of heroin! Many years and who knows how many innocent lives later, you made yourself a sprawling criminal empire! It's because of you and the Cannonballers that I've lost faith in the American justice system! The only reason I'm helping you is to bring an end to that infernal Cannonball!"

"Well, what can I say except 'God bless America'?" said DeMarco. "Okay, I'll bet you're all wondering what the hell you're doing here. Well, here you go. There's this race called 'The Cannonball Run'. They run it around the world. The prize is a staggering 250,000,000. However, this money would be better used by me than any of the mindless horde that's taking part in the race. I would use it to improve my empire wheras they'd use it idioticly on their...idiot things. What I want you all to do is to intercept these losers and try to slow them down or stop them from completing the race. That should give one of you the chance to sneak into their headquarters and steal the prize money. If you do this, you will be handsomely rewarded. Am I clear?"

The Hunters, HAC, and others all said things like "Sure" and "Yeah".

"Do I have your support?" asked DeMarco.

The others then repeated their "Sure"s and "Yeah"s and stuff.

"Very well." said DeMarco. "Now, if my watch is correct, the Sea Phantom should be close to docking at Dodge Island for the start of the race. I implore you all to head out there. Go."

Darden howled as the group poured out of the room to their cars. DeMarco turned on the television to watch the Cannonball coverage.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Right now, we are watching the various teams make final preparations to their vehicles." said Phil. "After that is inspection and the start of the race. On the scene right now is David Spade. David?"

"As you said, everyone is working on their cars." said David. "What are they doing? Let's listen in."

David walked over to the Vortex 5 and held the microphone up to Jarod and Johnny Five.

"According to my calculations," said Jarod "this is the configuration that has the best compromise between engine power and fuel economy."

David then walked over to the Jersey XS and held up the mic.

"We're going to be hitting a lot of mountain ranges." said Buckaroo. "Therefore, we should modify the suspension to compensate."

David then walked over to the Interna and held up the mic.

"Hey, Beavis." said Butthead as he extended his finger. "Pull my finger."

"Okay, let's let these guys get back to work." said David. "Back to you, Phil."

"Pbbbbt!" sputtered Butthead.

"Hey, no fair!" said Beavis. "You pulled your own finger!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Hey, could you hand me that wrench, big guy?" asked Steve Austin.

Nemesis growled and handed Steve a wrench.

"Okay, let's get this thing up and running." said Steve.

Nemesis grunted.

"What is it?" asked Steve as he looked up. He saw Rob Zombie in front of him. "What's up?" asked Steve.

"Need a third?" asked Rob.

"We had one last year." said Steve. "He was too busy to come this time. There's a war going on."

"He's a soldier?" asked Rob.

"He's Death." said Steve.

"Ah." said Rob. "Sounds like my kind of team."

"Welcome aboard." said Steve.

XXXXXXXXXX

Mike Nelson had reassembled Crow and was now making final preparations to the car.

"Hey, Crow. Feeling any better?" asked Mike.

"Yeah, I'm fine." said Crow. "Except for some of my actuators...and my oil pump...and my complete lack of resale value."

Mike laughed as he attached the new front bumper to the Emu. "I've almost got this bumper on." he said.

"And we've got this bumper stickered." said Tom.

"What do you mean?" asked Mike as he walked around to the back.

"Check it out." said Crow. He and Tom had affixed a bumper sticker that read "How's my driving? Dial 1-800-BITE-ME".

"Yeah, that's pretty classy." said Mike.

XXXXXXXXXX

Bernard, Ben, and Sam worked under the hood of the Bryanston V while Max jumped around in the driver's seat.

"If it helps, I'll pick up my share of the driving duties." said Sam.

"That would help." said Bernard. "But we're going to need a little more if we're going to make it fully rested."

"Why don't you take over driving duties once or twice?" Sam asked Ben as Max climbed the back of the driver's seat.

"I don't like things with more than two wheels." said Ben.

"That's rather unfortunate." said Bernard. "Because most likely, we're going to have to stop and rest and possibly lose race positions."

"On the other hand, I can be flexible." said Ben as he and Sam stepped away from the engine.

"Good to hear." said Bernard as he went back to the engine. Max jumped onto the steering wheel and hit the horn switch. The horn made Bernard jump up and hit his head on the hood. He then fell on his back, stunned.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Ladies and gentlemen," announced Brock "we are now ready to begin the inspections. We will see if your cars have an excessive ammount of gadgetry or mounted weapons. Personal gadgets and weapons are currently exempt however."

"If you pass inspection, and I'm sure most of you will," said Phil "you will receive a fully prepared nitrous oxide system donated by Holley Performance's famous division, NOS."

"This system not only includes the nitrous tank and all necessary hardware," said Schwag "it also includes several accessories normally sold separately."

"Those accessories list as follows:" said Frankie. "Purge valve, dual-stage conversion, remote bottle opener, and bottle warmer. Normally, this whole system would cost you around one thousand dollars."

"But this was a donation." said David. "So it will cost you, as my late friend Chris Farley would say, a 'big, fat load of jack squat!'"

Bugs, Daffy, and Wile E. were standing around the Crusero when a lion in coveralls walked over to them. "Hi there." he said. "I'll be your inspector. My name's Wildcat."

"Here's our car." said Bugs.

"Okay, let's see." said Wildcat as he looked over the car. "Off-road modification, useful. Infrared headlights, also useful. And radar disruptor makes three. I can't find anything else, so you pass."

"Woohoo!" cheered Daffy.

"Thank you very much." said Bugs.

"Hey, guys!" said Wildcat. "Get these guys a nitrous system."

Memphis and Jesse leaned against the Bestia as they waited for inspection. A lanky youth walked over and said "Hi, I'm your inspector. My name's Jesse."

"Hey, so's mine." said Jesse James.

"This is the car." said Memphis. "Like it?"

"Oh, this is way nicer than my Jetta." said Jesse. "Taking a look-see."

Dominic walked over and said "Jesse?"

"Yeah?" said Jesse James.

"I was talking to the Mad Scientist." said Dominic.

"Dom, what are you doing here?" asked Jesse.

"Taking part in the Cannonball." said Dominic. "What are you doing here?"

"Performing vehicle inspections for the officials." said Jesse. "And trying to set a record for the most Jesses in one Cannonball."

"How's it looking so far?" asked Dominic.

"I don't think there's any problems here." said Jesse. "You've got no gadgets as far as I can tell and your car looks to be a real powerhouse. You've got yourself a nitrous system. Dom, I think you know how to install it."

An official handed the nitrous system to Dom who said "Freebieeee!"

"Freebieeeee!" repeated Jesse James.

"Zip! Zero! Nada!" said Memphis.

"Hey, ladies." said another man as he approached the Zender Alpha. "I'm Dex Dearborn and I'll be your inspector today."

"This is the Zender Alpha and this will be your inspectee." said Lara.

"I don't see why you should do this." said Chun Li. "The car has no gadgets in it. All of our gadgets are personal gadgets."

She pointed to the work table they had set up. Cate and Joanna were looking through their gadgets to see which ones to take.

"How about the cloaking device?" asked Joanna.

"Sounds like we might need it." said Cate. "Bring it. I've got a belt buckle that has a grappler built in."

"Nice!" said Joanna. "I've got night vision that might be useful."

"We'll bring that too." said Cate. "Now, about this perfume sleeping gas?"

"Why is it disguised as a perfume sprayer?" asked Joanna.

"Sexist gadget designers." said Cate. "I thought we could use a little protection."

"I'll allow it." said Joanna. "How does this camspy look?"

"Very good." said Cate. "Useful too. My final contribution is this, a pair of sunglasses with built-in infrared and mine detector."

"Deal." said Joanna.

Dex finished his inspection. "Uh, I've got some good news and some bad news." he said. "The good news is your car has passed inspection. But the bad news is your car cannot be equipped with a nitrous system due to its construction."

"So, we're not getting a nitrous system?" asked Lara.

"Hey, it's not just you." said Dex. "The Karuma, the ice cream truck, the Crown Mail, the Baja Buggy, and the motorcycles all couldn't be equipped, either. I'm sorry. I really am."

"Relax, Lara." said Chun Li. "Our car is pretty fast even without nitrous. Besides, we won't have to make stops for nitrous now."

"Is that all of it?" asked Ethan.

"That's all of it." said Snake looking at the explosive they had removed from the Monstruo.

Wildcat walked over and looked at the explosive. "What's that?" he asked.

"It was something left over from the previous owner." explained Ethan. "We don't need it. You can take it away if you'd like."

"Okay." said Wildcat. "I'm just going to inspect your...what's this?" He picked up the bottle of coolant spray.

"Oh, that's something we used to remove the stuff from the car." said Snake. "We're not using that anymore either."

Wildcat accidentaly sprayed himself with the coolant. He sniffed a couple of times and chirped "Lemon!"

Jesse wrapped up his inspection of the Knight. "Okay, the molecular bonded shell is definitely useful. Now, the artificial intelligence computer..."

"If you touch my interface, I'll wipe all your credit cards!" snapped KITT.

"Could go either way." said Jesse.

Dex finished the inspection of the Citi. "Okay, you have passed inspection and we can now give you your nitrous system."

"Thanks, we can install it ourselves." said Sam as the official handed the system to Woody.

Woody took the system to the trunk and opened it.

"Woody, you know what you're doing?" asked Norm.

"Positive, Mr. Peterson." said Woody as he started working with the nitrous tank. "Back in Hanover, I was (yawn) heavily involved in the underground (yawn) tractor races. I actually (yawn) helped to install several (yawn) of these (yawn) nitrous oxide (yawn) systems on..." He slumped over the fender and promptly fell asleep.

"Oh dear." said Sam. "Uh, Cliff, you try to wake Woody up. Norm, help me with this nitrous system."

Meanwhile, Wildcat was about finished with the inspection of the Jersey XS. "Okay, everything is fine." he said. "We'll get you a nitrous system now."

Buckaroo took out a PDA.

"What's that?" asked Wildcat.

"It's a peace offering to the officials." said Buckaroo. "By giving you this, I'm not saying that what we did last year was okay or that we should have been allowed to do it. What this says is you can use this if you need help."

"Okay." said Wildcat as he took the PDA.

XXXXXXXXXX

Dodge Island, Miami...

A convoy of cars drove onto the island and drove through the maze of warehouses.

First to stop was Tanner in the Sentinel. Everett was in his passenger seat.

Pulling in next to him was Korpi and Darden in the Sabre. Next to them were Joe and Max in the Oceanic.

Next tothe Oceanic was the Virgo with Feliz and Paul in it. Next to them were Johnny B and Lance in the Elegy.

A black Rumpo van pulled in alongside them and parked. The Riviera slipped in beside it.

"Who's that?" asked Korpi.

"Probably a couple of DeMarco's men." said Darden.

"Okay, lads." said Tanner. "The Sea Phantom is coming in and docking here. When it does, it will be time for action. Everett and I will infiltrate the ship and try to find the prize money. The rest of you will go after the Cannonballers and try to slow them down. Expect resistance. Expect anything."

"Is that our ship?" asked Korpi as the Sea Phantom cruised into port.

"Yeah." said Darden. "Let's get ready."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to start the race." announced Phil as the loading ramp lowered.

"You all know the rules." said Schwag.

"That's right, the only rule is to be the first one around the world." said Frankie.

"The record stands at...wow!" said David. "I thought it would take less time to race around the world than that."

"To show respect for our sponsors, we've decided to let them go first." said Brock. "So, let's get that first car up here and get this thing underway."

Stanley pulled up in the Super Taxi and took his team's time card.

"In the Super Taxi, Stanley Spadowski." announced Phil.

"In the Crusero Magnifico, Bugs Bunny." announced Schwag.

"In the Jones J450, Hank Hill." announced Frankie.

"In the Pirahna PDQ, Annie." said David.

"In the PT Phoenix, 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin." said Phil.

"In the Ascent 470ds, Richard Parker." said Schwag.

"In the Modicum XSV, Kermit the Frog." said Frankie.

"In the Amata Crescendo, Hsu Tanaka." said David.

"In the Zender Alpha, Lara Croft." said Phil.

"In the Kuruma Faasuto, Dylan Sanders." said Schwag.

"In the...ice cream truck, Norville Rogers." said Frankie.

"In the Crown Mail, Artemis Fowl." said David.

"In the Baja Buggy, Mad Max." said Phil.

"In the Cocotte, Leonardo." said Schwag.

"In the Citi, Sam Malone." said Frankie.

"In the Emu, Mike Nelson." said David.

"In the Torrida, Buffy Summers." said Phil.

"In the 1971 Bestia, Dominic Toretto." said Schwag.

"Hey, Beavis, did you fill out the paperwork?" asked Butthead.

"Heh heh heh heh heh heh, yeah!" laughed Beavis. "Heh heh heh heh heh heh."

"In the Interna, Eileen Dover." said Frankie. "Eileen Do...? Oh, very funny, guys!"

"Hey, I pulled that one on Moe just last week." said Bart.

"Bart!" yelled Marge.

"In the Citi Turbo, Homer Simpson." said David.

"On the Cohete, Jaleel the Kid." said Phil.

"In the Monstruo, Ethan Hunt." said Schwag.

"In the Jersey XS, Buckaroo Banzai." said Frankie.

"In the L.A. Cop Car, Marcus Ellenstein." said David.

"In the Boost, Matt Trakker." said Phil.

"Now, remember the first rule of Polecat racing." said Ben. He pulled the rearview off its mount and said "What's behind me is not important!" He tossed the mirror out of the open sunroof and a loud clunk was heard a second later.

"Ow!" yelled Super Dave.

"In the Bryanston V, Ben." said Schwag.

"In the Schneller V8, Corvax." said Frankie.

"In the Alarde, Super Dave Osbourne." said David.

"In the Fripon X, Malcolm..." said Phil just before the microphone cut out on Malcolm's last name.

"Riding the Monsoni, Cary Ford." said Schwag.

"In the Stadt, Jesse Richmond." said Frankie.

"In the Victory, Bond...James Bond." said David. "Sorry, I've always wanted to do that."

"In the Modo Prego, Peter Venkman." said Phil.

"In the Paris Cop Car, Nash Bridges." said Schwag.

"In the Lusso XT, J." said Frankie.

"In the RSMC 15, Sonic the Hedgehog." said David.

"In the Vortex 5, Johnny Five." said Phil.

"In the Saikou, Mario." said Schwag.

"In the Knight, Michael Knight." said Frankie.

"In the Saikou XS, Wario." said David.

"In the Torque JX, Masahiko Kobe." said Phil.

"And in the Veloci, Tommy Vercetti." said Schwag.

"Okay, guys." said Mahoney. "Let's get out there and make sure they make it alive."

"You got it." said Lone Wolf as he put on his helmet.

"The racers are off on their long journey." said Frankie. "Who knows what will happen to them out there."

"I sure don't know what will happen out there," said David "but I do know what's happening here. We have some music for our viewers. Over to you guys."

"Thanks, Dave." said Beck. "Cool J and I decided to do a little song for our racers."

"That's right." said LL Cool J. "We've got forty two teams out there and this song could be about any one of them."

"You said it." said Beck. He turned to the band and said "Hit it."

**Reluctantly crouched at the starting line.  
Engines pumping, and thumping in time.  
The green light flashes, the flags go up.  
Churning and burning, they yearn for the cup.**

**They deftly maneuver and muscle for rank.  
Fuel burning fast on an empty tank.  
Reckless and wild, they pour through the turns.  
Their prowess is potent and secretly stern.**

**As they speed through the finish, the flags go down,  
the fans get up and they get out of town.  
The arena is empty, except for one man  
still driving and striving as fast as he can.**

**The sun has gone down and the moon has come up  
and long ago somebody left with the cup,  
but he's striving and driving and hugging the turns  
and thinking of someone for whom he still burns.**

**'Cause he's going the distance.  
He's going for speed.  
She's all alone, all alone,  
all alone in her time of need.  
Because he's racing and pacing and plotting a course.  
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.  
He's going the distance.  
Oh oh.**

**Hey!  
Yeah!**

**No trophy, no flashbulbs, no honor, no wine.  
He's haunted by something he cannot define.  
Bowel-shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse  
assail him, impale him with monster truck force.**

**In his mind, he's still driving, still making the grade.  
She's hoping in time that her memory will fade,  
but he's racing and pacing and plotting a course.  
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.**

**The sun has gone down and the moon has come up  
and long ago, somebody left with the cup,  
but he's striving and driving and hugging the turns  
and thinking of someone for whom he still burns.**

**'Cause he's going the distance.  
He's going for speed.  
She's all alone, all alone,  
all alone in her time of need.  
'Cause he's racing and pacing and plotting a course.  
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.  
He's racing and pacing and plotting a course.  
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.  
He's going the distance.  
He's going for speed.  
He's going the distance.  
Oh oh.**

**Hey!  
Hey!  
Hey!  
Hey!**

**Oh oh.**

-"The Distance" by Cake

AN:Okay, here's the full list of songs featured in the "Cannonball Polka": "I Can't Drive 55" by Sammy Hagar, "We're Gonna Make It" by Twisted Sister, "Cumin' Atcha Live" by Tesla, "Heading Out To the Highway" by Judas Priest, "Invincible" by Pat Benatar, "Born to Be Wild" by Steppenwolf, "Breaking All the Rules" by Ozzy Osbourne, "Born to Run" by Bruce Springsteen, "California Love" by Tupac Shakur and Dr. Dre, "Jurassic Park" by "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Fuel" by Metallica, "Amazing" by Aerosmith, "Layin' Rubber" by Kix, "Nowhere Fast" by Fire Inc, "Motorvatin'" by Hanoi Rocks, "Fast Road" by Great White, "Mean Street Machine" by King Kobra, "The Look of Love" by Dusty Springfield, "Life in the Fast Lane" by the Eagles, "Two Lane Highway" by Pure Prairie League, "Speed Demon" by Michael Jackson, "Road Trippin'" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Dare" by Stan Bush, "The Touch" also by Stan Bush, "We Want Fun" by Andrew W.K, "Rock Hard, Ride Free" by Judas Priest, "All Around the World" by Oasis, "Take On Me" by A-Ha, "Song 2" by Blur, "Joyride" by Roxette, "Ride" by lostprophets, and "Road to Nowhere" by the Talking Heads. (Whew!)


	4. American Heartbeat

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Chapter Four: American Heartbeat

AN:Sorry this took so long. I had the other chapters written over the course of a few months and I started this one just after I posted chapter three. But here it is.  
Sadly, while I was writing this, a coworker of mine died in a car accident. Jean was a good friend who had a wonderful sense of humor. She will be missed and this chapter is dedicated to her memory.

XXXXXXXXXX

As the Cannonballers started driving off the Sea Phantom, Tanner detailed his plans to his cohorts.

"Alright, here's the deal. While you guys are trying to stop or delay the racers, Everett and I are going to try to steal the prize money. We need you to keep the race officials busy while we case the ship. If we should somehow fail, it will be up to you guys to enact our contingency plan. You will have to kidnap one of the racers. Specificly, you will need to grab Stanley Spadowski, a member of Team U62. He's the tall one with the goofy teeth. Not only has my source confirmed he is the new Captain Chaos and keeper of the Chaos mask, he is also instrumental in the success of U62 and a man the station cannot afford to lose. Since he is the new Captain Chaos, grabbing him will not be easy. Therefore, do not attempt to gnab him unless absolutely necessary. That is all. Let's hit it."

The Super Taxi drove out of the dock area and onto the street. Darden and Korpi jumped into the Sabre and started to give chase. However, their pursuit was interrupted by a truck pulling into their path.

Korpi leaned out of the driver's side window and yelled "Hey, move that piece of shit!"

"Give me one reason!" said the truck driver.

Darden grabbed his magnum, leaned out the passenger side window, and shot the truck's side mirror off.

"Let's see, reverse is..." said the truck driver as he put the gearshift into reverse and backed out of the street.

Korpi took off after the Super Taxi. He had lost sight of it and was now looking for it.

"Why are we going after Spadowski?" asked Darden. "Didn't Tanner say not to?"

"How hard can it be?" asked Korpi. "There he is!"

Korpi spotted the Super Taxi as it drove towards the causeway.

"Get him before he enters the city or we'll lose him." said Korpi.

"No problem." said Darden. He pulled a large futuristic looking weapon out of the back and pointed it out the window at the taxi. "Steady. Steady." he said as he aimed.

He fired the weapon at the back of the Super Taxi. A large dart hit the trunk and electricity shot through the car rapidly and knocked out the engine. The taxi drifted off to the side and bumped into the curb, coming to a halt.

Korpi parked the Sabre and he and Darden climbed out. "Piece of cake." he said.

"Okay, Spadowski." said Darden. "Out of the car."

The door opened and the driver climbed out. However, it wasn't Stanley. Instead, it was a heavyset black woman.

"What the hell did you do that for?" she yelled.

"What the..." asked a very confused Korpi.

The woman inspected the electrical dart in the back of her taxi. "Ah, damn!" she said. "Do you have any idea how much it's gonna cost to fix this?"

"You're not Stanley Spadowski!" said Darden.

"No!" said the woman. "The name's Belle! I was trying to get this thing to a race, now I can't get it to run! Oh, that's it. I'm gonna take your engine instead!"

Darden and Korpi ran back to the Sabre and jumped in. They took off a second later.

"What happened to Spadowski?" asked Korpi. "I thought I saw him go this way."

They drove past a sidestreet which the Super Taxi was driving down. "Stanley, are you sure you know where you're going?" asked George.

"Positive, George." said Stanley. "I know a shortcut."

"I hope so." said George. "I'd hate to have to explain how we got lost on an island this small and mostly warehouses."

XXXXXXXXXX

"The race has just begun." said DeMarco. "Right now, Tanner and those goons he hired will be trying to stop or slow down the Cannonballers. It's time for you to go and help them."

"I'll do my best." said Foyt as she climbed into a red Jaguar XK-E.

"Good, and try not to scratch the Windsor." said DeMarco. "It's one of my prized possessions."

"I'll treat it like it was my own." said Foyt. She pulled out and gave chase.

XXXXXXXXXX

"We are just a couple of hours into the race." announced David Spade. "Already, we have a racer willing to give an in-race interview. And it's one of the new entries."

He directed the view to a big screen television next to him. The interior of the Bryanston V was seen with Ben driving, Bernard in the passenger seat, and Sam in the back.

"Hello, guys." said David. "Wasn't there a fourth member?"

"He's on the roof." said Sam. The in-car camera panned up to show Max roof surfing.

"How's the race so far?" asked David.

"I like it." said Ben.

"Seen any competition?" asked David.

"Are you kidding?" asked Ben. The camera panned around to show the Cohete, Cocotte, and Pirahna PDQ on one side and the Monsoni, Citi, and Modicum XSV on the other.

"Any ideas of what you'll see in the future?" asked David.

"We haven't had any problems with law enforcement yet." said Bernard. "Then again, we're only in Florida."

"Okay, no action to report yet." said David. "We'll let you get back to racing. By the way, the band is setting up for a performance. Any requests?"

"I've always been a big Gone Jackals fan." said Ben. "How about 'Legacy'?"

"You got it." said David.

"We can do that!" said Jezz Torrent of Love Fist as they got ready to play.

"Oh, look." said Bernard. "There's another car." The Crusero Magnifico was right ahead of them.

"I see them." said Ben. "Let's show them we mean business." He activated the nitrous system and aimed directly for the back of the old Mercury.

"Things seem to be going well so far." said Bugs Bunny. "No problems yet." He was completely oblivious to the cars approaching from behind.

"Are you sure we're still in contention?" asked Daffy Duck. "We haven't seen any other cars for a while."

Ben activated the nitrous shot and the Bryanston V shot forward. Max slipped off the roof and grabbed onto the spoiler. It was then that Love Fist started the song.

The Bryanston ramped off the back of the Crusero, flew over the roof, and slammed down onto the hood, smashing the hood ornament.

As the other cars passed them, Daffy leaned out the window and yelled "Hey, watch it!"

**December sixty-one, my dad's wages light.  
Still on that salary, we, all four, could sleep tight.**

**Right now, if you drank from that very same well,  
you'd need a run of luck to score a bed in a trick hotel.**

**Is this the legacy of too much or too few that I see?  
The kind of legacy that's tossin' some good men to their knees.**

**The "Great Society's" maligned concrete cage  
sits dead and vacant now. At least it kept out rain.**

**With all those corners cut, the cracks grow wide and near.  
I heard some money's saved, but where it's gone ain't clear.**

**Who goes down next I don't know.  
I don't know nothin' anymore.  
Tomorrow's legacy that's layin' in state awaits reprieve.**

**I always thought that when a man goes down,  
you do your best to pick him up.  
But how can the milk of kindness trickle down  
when it's syphoned off and cheats the cup.**

"Legacy" by theGone Jackals

XXXXXXXXXX

In Georgia, the Ascent was in trouble. The local sheriff walked from his car to Larry's.

"Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" asked the sheriff.

"Look, officer, I know I was going a little fast." said Larry.

"Officer?" replied the sheriff. "I'm no officer! I'm Roscoe P. Coltrane, sheriff of Hazzard County! And you were going about a hundred and fifty when I clocked you."

"I suppose you need my license and registration." said Larry as he produced both.

"Yes, I do." said Roscoe as he took both. "Wait here for a minute."

As Roscoe returned to his car, Richard looked at Larry and said "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." whispered Larry. "I'll try to talk him out of the ticket. Maybe we'll get off."

"I hope so." said Richard. "I'd hate to have to explain why we have a dead guy in the back seat."

"He's coming back." said Larry. "Calm down."

Roscoe returned to the driver's side window looking somewhat embarrassed. "You know, I'll make you a little deal." he said. "I'll let this one go if you give me a ride back to the station."

Larry and Richard looked at each other with a mix of relief and confusion. "Sure, Sheriff Coltrane." said Larry.

Richard unlocked the doors and climbed in back. "I'll let you have the front seat." he said.

"Thank you." said Roscoe as he climbed in. Larry pulled away from the side of the road.

"So, why the strange deal?" asked Richard. "Is something wrong?"

"No, it's nothing big." said Roscoe. "I just, uh, locked my keys in the car."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Veloci screamed down the highway with some Bon Jovi blasting over the stereo.

"You really like eighties music, don't you?" asked Max Payne.

"Yeah, it's the best music to drive to." said Tommy as he passed a semi on the right.

"So basicly, you like haulin' ass to Hall 'n' Oates." said Max.

"Exactly." said Tommy as he made it past the truck. Suddenly, the Emu passed the truck on the left and cut him off.

"Son of a bitch!" he yelled. He quickly got out his cel phone and started dialing.

"Who are you calling?" asked Max. "International assassin to smash up their car, beat them within an inch of their lives, and urinate on the remains?"

"No, I'm reporting them." said Tommy. "In case you didn't notice, the car had one of those bumper stickers to report bad driving."

"Actually, I think that was one of those joke stickers." said Max.

"Hello, is this the guy driving the green Pissat?" yelled Tommy into the phone.

"Hello?" asked the bewildered old woman on the other end.

"Yeah, I'm talking to you!" said Tommy.

"Who's calling?" asked the woman.

"Yeah, I just wanted to tell you your driving is atrocious!" yelled Tommy. "Two words: blind spot! If you want to take it up with me, come down to Vice City and I'll show you how to drive!"

The woman silently hung up.

"I guess I showed him." said Tommy as he folded up his cel phone.

"Well, what did he want?" asked the woman's husband.

"He said I was an atrocious driver and we have to go to Vice City." said the woman.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Jones J450 navigated through the backwoods of Alabama. Hank was driving, Bobby was reading the map, and the others were having a diving competition in the bed.

"Just watch!" said Dale. "Half gainer into the spare!"

"Yo, man. That there spoiler ain't no ding dang diving board, man!" said Boomhauer.

"Bobby, are you sure about this road?" asked Hank.

"Positive, dad." said Bobby. "I'm surprised it's not marked better."

"Well, I'm growing a little more skeptical about...WAAAAAAHHHH!" said Hank before noticing he was heading straight for a raging river.

Hank stomped on the brakes and slid to a quick stop. Dale screamed as he tumbled down the windshield, across the hood, and onto the ground.

"Bobby!" yelled Hank. "Why did you do that? Sending us down a hidden trail?"

"I was only following this road on the map!" said Bobby. He showed his father the map and the road he was following.

"That's not a road!" yelled Hank. "That's a contour line!"

"Oops." said Bobby.

Hank regained his composure. "Sorry, Bobby." he said. "I didn't mean to yell at you. Look, just try to figure out the map while I check on Mr. Gribble."

Hank climbed out and walked over to Dale. "Dale, are you alright?" he asked.

"No, I lost my cigarette!" yelled Dale.

"Hey, Hank." said Bill. "How did Bobby get us so lost?"

"Well, Bill, I've said it before and I'll say it again." said Hank. "That boy ain't right."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Modicum XSV pulled into the next gas station and the Muppets found the Simpsons there gassing up the Citi Turbo.

"Hi ho!" said Kermit as he walked over to the gas pumps.

"Hey, green guy!" said Homer. "How's the race going?"

"Pretty well." said Kermit. "I think we're really in good contention. And you?"

"Not bad." said Homer. "I think we're looking at two in a row."

Elsewhere at the station, Fozzie and Gonzo looked around for something to do.

"I'm thinking I can find a new source for material." said Fozzie.

"I'm looking for some new lovelies for my crew." said Gonzo.

"We have a visual on them now." said someone. Fozzie and Gonzo walked over to investigate. They discovered Paul Hackett and Feliz Vispone from the Highway Hunters. Paul was on the phone. "Right, they're getting gas at the moment. They'll probably be back on the road shortly."

"Who's he talking about?" asked Gonzo.

"Of course we'll take care of them." said Paul. "They're last year's winners. Who better to make an example of?"

"Ohhhhhh!" moaned Fozzie. "They're after the Simpsons! We have to do something!"

"Right!" said Gonzo. "We have to get Kermit!"

Back at the pump...

"Come on, say it." said Homer.

"No!" said Kermit.

"Just say it." said Homer.

"No!" said Kermit as he hung up the gas pump.

"Say it!" said Homer as he made a fist.

"Okay." sighed Kermit. "Phenomenon."

Two little creatures popped up and chanted "Doo doo doo doo doo."

"Phenomenon." said Kermit.

"Doo doo doo doo." chanted the creatures.

Homer laughed. "That was a good one." he said. "Thank you. We'll see you at the finish line."

Homer paid for his gas, then he and his family got back into the car and drove off. The Virgo followed.

Kermit paid for his gas. As he and Animal were getting back into their car, Fozzie and Gonzo ran over.

"Kermit! Kermit!" said Fozzie. "Gonzo and I were goofing around and we overheard two guys! They were plotting to off the Simpsons!"

Kermit gasped.

"Bad men!" growled Animal.

"We have to warn the Simpsons!" yelled Kermit. "Hurry!"

The Muppets all piled into the car and raced off after the Simpsons.

Just down the road, the Citi Turbo raced along with the Virgo in hot pursuit. The Modicum was right behind the Virgo and gaining fast.

"Pass him, Kermit!" yelled Gonzo. "Pass him!"

"Got it!" said Kermit. He turned into the passing lane and raced past the Virgo.

Kermit pulled alongside the Citi Turbo and Fozzie rolled down his window. "Homer!" yelled Fozzie. "Those men are trying to kill you! Those men are..."

Unfortunately, Homer couldn't hear him. "Homer, what is he saying?" asked Marge.

"I don't know, let me roll down the window." said Homer. He went for the window switch, but it didn't work.

"Try the central computer." said Lisa.

Homer activated the central computer. "To make a selection, please push a button." said the computer in Ms. Krabapple's voice.

Homer tried one of the switches. "Incorrect button push." said the computer. Homer started to fret and pushed more buttons.

In the Virgo, Paul tried to keep the car steady while Feliz pulled out a submachine gun. Feliz took aim at the back of the Citi Turbo.

Homer kept pushing buttons and panicking. "Spoiler shield activated." said the computer.

Just as Feliz pulled the trigger, the Citi Turbo's spoiler flipped up and deflected the bullets.

Homer continued to push buttons. "Trunk opened." said the computer.

The Citi Turbo's trunk opened and a large blanket tumbled out, covering the Virgo. The Modicum and Citi Turbo made the next turn, but the Virgo kept going into a driveway.

Down the road, the ice cream truck was driving along.

"Jinkies, I think we're lost." said Velma.

"No, we just have to look for some landmarks." said Daphne.

The Modicum and Citi Turbo raced up behind it and swerved around the truck.

"Zoinks, the Muppets are passing us!" said Shaggy from the driver's seat.

"And we've got Simpsons on this side!" said Freddie.

The two cars passed the ice cream truck and pulled alongside each other again.

Homer kept trying the buttons on the computer. "Forward flare gun activated." said the computer as a flare gun extended from the grill. "Fire."

A flare shot from the flare gun and blew up an outhouse at the side of the road.

The Virgo pulled up behind the ice cream truck and Feliz pulled out his submachine gun. "Let's get this guy out of the way, too." he said.

Homer kept pushing buttons. "Rear flare gun activated." said the computer as another flare gun extended from the taillight.

Feliz took aim at the ice cream truck. "Bye bye." he said.

"Fire." said the Citi Turbo's computer.

The flare shot out of the flare gun and flew towards the ice cream truck.

"Ruh roh." said Scooby Doo.

The flare flew under the truck's front bumper, bounced off the roadway, flew under the truck's rear bumper, and imbedded itself in the Virgo's grill.

After the car crept to a halt, Paul and Feliz jumped out and ran. "She's gonna blow!" yelled Paul. A couple of seconds later, he was proven right as the Virgo was blown to shreds.

Down the road, the Muppets breathed a collective sigh of relief. However, Homer still tried pushing buttons. "ECU overload." said the computer.

The Citi Turbo's engine quickly shut down. Homer cut the wheel to the left and the car came to rest on the shoulder. He watched in horror as the Modicum raced off. He then turned back to see the ice cream truck turn down a side road.

Homer pounded the dashboard and yelled "D'oh!"

"Windows down." said the computer as it finally lowered the windows.

XXXXXXXXXX

Elsewhere, Joe and Max were hatching a plan of their own. The plan involved hiding the Oceanic in the bushes and placing a CPR training dummy in the road.

"What's the plan again?" asked Max.

"We throw this guy in the middle of the road." said Joe. "When the Cannonballers stop, we get 'em. Simple, huh?"

"Yeah, it is." said Max as he placed the dummy in the road. "Where did you get this idea?"

"I heard about it once in an urban legend." said Joe. "Into the bushes, quick! Someone's coming!"

Joe and Max ran to the bushes and hid. Down the road, the PT Phoenix raced along.

"And the next line is..." said Steve.

"Dead, I am the sky...watching angels cry." said Rob. "Whoa!"

Rob had spotted the dummy. Steve started to swerve.

"Here we go." said Joe. He and Max watched the PT Phoenix approach. The car swerved side to side, then swerved off the road. They then watched in horror when they saw where it was going: directly towards them.

The PT Phoenix came to a rest in the bushes. "You alright?" asked Rob.

"Yeah." said Steve. "Let's check on that guy."

Joe tried crawling out from underneath the PT Phoenix. As he reached out from under the frame rail, Steve stepped on his hand.

"Think it needs CPR?" asked Rob.

Steve looked at the dummy. "Well, if we need the practice." he said.

"Who lost a CPR training dummy?" asked Rob.

"I dunno, but it's ours now." said Steve as he picked it up.

"What are you going to do with it?" asked Rob.

"Probably use it for wrestling practice." said Steve.

"If there's anything left, can I have it?" asked Rob. "You know, to use it for onstage theatrics and stuff."

"Sure." said Steve as he started to get back into the PT Phoenix.

Joe was almost out from under the car. Steve didn't notice him and stepped on his back.

"Hey, Nemesis." said Steve as he put the dummy in the back seat. "Got a friend for you."

Nemesis just looked at the dummy and started playing with it.

Steve pulled out and narrowly avoided running over Joe and Max.

"I think I just remembered how that legend ends." said Joe.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Kentucky, the Saikou XS drove along a dirt road.

"Where are we going?" asked Waluigi.

"You'll see." said Wario. "Here we are."

They pulled up in front of a cabin.

"What are we doing here?" asked Bowser.

"Enacting our secret plan." said Wario. "This is where we're staying until it's time for the final stretch."

"Isn't that cheating?" asked Waluigi.

"I'm glad you noticed." said Wario.

The three entered the cabin.

"Ah, this place looks nice." said Bowser.

"Enjoy it." said Wario. "It's our home for six weeks or so."

"Yippee!" cheered Waluigi. He ran into the cabin and tossed the team's time card onto the coffee table.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Are you ready, Super?" asked Fuji as he sat in the Alarde's driver's seat.

"All set, Fuji." said Super Dave as he hooked a cable from the Alarde's rear bumper to his belt. A parachute was strapped to his back.

"Okay." said Fuji. "Hold on tight!" He pulled out and Super Dave started running after the car. Within a minute, the cable became taught and Super Dave opened the parachute. He immediately became airborne.

"I'm ready to display the banner." said Super Dave into a walkie-talkie.

"Go for it." said Fuji.

Super Dave held out the corners of a banner that read "Peter's Diner, Oakland." The banner was fully unfurled and easily visible from the ground. "Just a little promotion for my favorite eatery!" he said. He then whispered "I just wonder if Peter knows he's paying me by the mile."

Suddenly, he looked at the highway the Alarde was on and was shocked to discover the car was about to head under an overpass. "Oh oh!" he yelled. He picked up the walkie-talkie and said "Fuji, release the cable! Repeat, release the cable!"

"Super, I'm getting too much interferance!" yelled Fuji into his walkie-talkie. "I can't hear you!"

"Fuji, release the cable!" repeated Super Dave, but it was too late. The Alarde drove under a sign next to the overpass. The cable hit the sign and started pulling Super Dave towards it.

Franticly, Super Dave started trying to release the cable on his end, but he wasn't making a lot of progress. The sign was approaching fast.

Down the road, Fuji looked in the rearview, noticed the overpass, and remembered the stunt. "Ooh!" he said. He flipped a switch and released the cable.

Super Dave was about to crash into the sign when the cable went limp and he glided over the sign. He flew over the first lanes of traffic and breathed a sigh of relief. "Boy, that was close." he said.

As he was gliding over the next lanes of traffic, he was hit by a speeding bus.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, Regis fiddled with the locking mechanism on the L.A. Cop Car's shotgun holder. Finally, it released and the shotgun fell against the seat.

"I got the shotgun free." he said.

"Good." said Marcus. "Now, you can use it on anyone trying to attack us."

"Oh, screw that." said Regis. "I'm shooting road signs."

Regis rolled down the window and pointed the shotgun out. They approached a speed limit sign and Regis took aim. He pulled the trigger and took the corner off the sign.

"Nice shot." said Marcus.

"I can do better." said Regis.

They approached a turn sign next to a power substation. Regis took aim, but just as he was about to fire, Marcus hit a pothole. Regis missed the sign and hit a transformer in the substation.

"Sorry." said Marcus as Regis glared at him.

The transformer started sparking and giving off smoke. Finally, it burned out.

In the next town, traffic lights went dead and cars started to crash into each other.

Just to the east, the Fripon X, Baja Buggy, and Knight swerved around other cars on their way to town.

In the Knight, Murdock was singing "Drive! Push it to the floor 'til the engine screams. Drive! Drivin' like the demon that drives your dreams."

"He knows them all." said B.A.

"Hey, KITT, did Bonnie install that karaoke machine like she said?" asked Michael.

"Michael, what are you talking..." asked KITT.

"Just kidding." said Michael.

In the Fripon X...

"I'm not kidding, Resse!" yelled Malcolm. "Give me the road atlas!"

"Shut up, Malcom!" yelled Reese. "I'm looking for Twin Peaks!"

"That was just a T.V. show!" yelled Malcolm. "It doesn't exist! Give me the road atlas!"

"Will you two just shut up!" yelled Francis. "God, no wonder Piama doesn't want kids!"

In the Baja Buggy...

"We're almost to the next town." said Max.

"Cool, we can get supplies if we need 'em." said Highway.

"I see towns like this all the time in my...what the...?" replied Max.

Right in front of them, cars were crashing into each other.

Michael swerved around an approaching car. "KITT, what's going on?" he asked.

"There appears to be a blackout in this town." said KITT. "A power transformer outside the town seems to have been...Michael, look out!"

A car swerved to avoid the wrecks on main street and headed right towards them. Michael swerved to avoid it and ended up heading for two wrecked cars.

"Turbo boost, KITT!" called Michael as he hit the Turbo Boost button. The Knight made a quick jump in speed and jumped the wrecked cars.

After they landed, Murdock looked out the rear window and said "Wow, we soared over that!" He then looked forward to see B.A. holding Michael's collar.

"I swear, that's as close as we're going to get to flying for the rest of the race." he pleaded.

"Try to stay off the main road." said Highway.

"No problem." said Max. He steered for a small hill and used it to jump to the roof of a nearby store. After that, he jumped the Buggy to the roof of the store next door.

"Try the bus." said Highway. Max jumped the Buggy to the roof of a crashed bus and then hit the street again.

"Oh man, this is nuts!" said Francis.

"Francis, I can easily predict where the cars are going to crash." said Malcolm. "The laws of physics can't be denied."

"Great, tell me." said Francis.

"Reese, give me the atlas." said Malcolm.

Resse groaned and threw the atlas at Malcolm. Malcolm set the atlas on the seat next to him and said "Okay, steer left now."

Francis steered left and narrowly missed a swerving car.

"Now, go right." said Malcolm.

Francis steered to the right and was shielded from a crashing car by a telephone pole.

"Stop!" yelled Malcolm.

Francis hit the brakes and a car raced by right in front of him.

"Go! Go! Go!" said Malcolm.

Francis floored it and another car drove right through where the Fripon X was a second earlier and crashed into the bus.

"Holy crap." said Reese.

"Keep going!" yelled Malcolm.

Francis kept going out of town. The Knight was ahead of them and the Baja Buggy was behind them.

The other cars in town all started to come to a rest when they saw what was going on. The drivers got out of their cars and started to help the accident victims.

Marcus and Regis drove through a minute later. "Boy, I'd hate to be the idiot who caused that." said Regis.

XXXXXXXXXX

In New York City, a young man sat in a jet black '48 Cadillac with red flames. He was talking with a couple of street toughs.

"So, what do you guys think of the Broadway?" he asked. "Nice, huh? I like to think of it as proof that my honeys are the best because my clients are willing to pay top dollar." Just then, his cel phone rang. "Let me get this. Probably one of my hoes." he said as he pulled it out and answered it. "Hey, wassup, ho?"

"Who are you calling 'ho', Washburn?" yelled Belle on the other end.

"Oh, Belle!" said Washburn. "Sorry, I'm undercover as a pimp."

As soon as he said that, he realized he had blown his cover.

"'ey, don't worry." said one of the toughs. "We weren't buying it for a second."

"Belle, why are you calling me?" asked Washburn.

"Some jackass shot my cab with some kind of missile." said Belle. "He completely shorted out the electrical system. I need your help to track these guys down."

"Alright, I'm on my way." said Washburn.

XXXXXXXXXX

Outside the town of Springfield, Corvax had been pulled over by Chief Wiggum.

"Do you know how fast you were going?" asked Wiggum as he showed Corvax his radar gun.

"Sixty-five, no more." said Corvax.

"Hmmm, thought so." said Wiggum. "This thing said you were going a hundred and eighty, but I doubt that. No one's crazy enough to drive that fast. Stupid machines, can't trust 'em."

The Terminators glared at Wiggum as he returned to his car.

"Not yet." said Corvax. "You can terminate him after the race."

Corvax returned to the road as the Tokyo Cop Car passed them.

"We're almost to Springfield." said Hooks. "We can stop for supplies there."

"That's a good idea." said Fackler.

The Tokyo Cop Car, Schneller V8, and several other cars pulled into town. Hooks quickly found the Kwik-E-Mart and pulled into the parking lot. A few seconds later, they walked into the store.

"Welcome to Kwik-E-Mart!" greeted Apu. "How may I help..."

Zed grabbed the microphone for the PA system and said "I need some beer up here...NOW!"

"I'm gonna pour myself a slushie." said Fackler. "Is that okay?"

"Go right ahead." said Apu.

Fackler put the cup in the slushie machine and pulled the handle. The cup was quickly filled. When Fackler tried to turn it off, he discovered the handle was stuck. He kept trying as the floor around the machine started to flood with slushie.

While this was going on, Beavis and Butthead walked in.

"I wish we could've found a cool song on the radio." said Butthead.

"We probably could have if you hadn't ripped it out and thrown it into the river." said Beavis.

They immediately went to the magazine rack. They picked up an adult mag and looked through it drooling.

"This is not a library." admonished Apu.

"Oh, that's okay." said Butthead. "We can't read that good anyway. Huh huh."

Just then, the doors opened again and everybody looked to see who had entered. It was the driver of the Riviera.

"I'm looking for Cannonballers." he said.

"That would be us." said Beavis.

"I'm looking for Rockatansky." said the man.

"Who the hell is Rockatansky?" asked Butthead.

"I dunno." said Beavis. "Some fartknocker."

The man grabbed Beavis and Butthead by their collars and said "You will take me to him."

"Whoa, he's giving us shirt wedgies." said Butthead.

"Yeah, yeah." said Beavis. "Wedgies are cool. Heh heh."

Hooks and Fackler saw what was happening and went into action. Fackler quickly downed his slushie and drew his sidearm.

"Okay, release the hosta..." he said before cringing and grabbing his head. Wolfing down the slushie turned out to be not a very bright move.

Seeing her partner was incapacitated by a brain freeze, Hooks drew her own weapon and squeaked "Sir, please release the hostages."

The man dragged Beavis and Butthead towards the doors.

"I repeat." squeaked Hooks. "Release the hostages now or I will be forced to shoot."

The man was almost to the door when Hooks picked up her whistle and blew it.

"RELEASE THOSE TWO MORONS NOW, SLIMEBALL!" she bellowed.

The man released Beavis and Butthead who ran from the store.

"Are you going to pay for those magazines?" asked Apu. Beavis and Butthead ran back into the store, left some money on the counter, then ran back out.

"That sucked!" said Butthead.

"The shirt wedgies were cool." said Beavis. He and Butthead looked at each other, then grabbed each other's shirt collars. The two started laughing incessantly.

The man walked out of the store. Hooks and Zed followed. "Come on, Fackler!" said Hooks.

"Coming!" said Fackler, still trying to shake off the brain freeze. He stumbled around and slammed into a shelf. Somehow, he managed to knock it over and send it toppling into the next shelf. That shelf fell over into another and a big domino effect took place.

Fackler looked around in shock and followed his partners.

"Good thing I got this on tape or the insurance company would never believe me." said Apu and he went to the VCR hooked up to the security cameras. Unfortunately, he discovered he had forgotten to insert a tape. "Uh oh." he said.

Out in the parking lot, Beavis and Butthead got back into the Interna and raced off. The man who had faced off with them looked around for a new victim. Unfortunately, Cary Ford was just that.

"I'm looking for Rockatansky." said the man.

"Mad Max?" asked Cary. "I'm not him."

"Stay away from him!" ordered Fackler.

The Cocotte raced into town and slid to a stop. Raphael bailed out of the passenger seat, Michaelangelo jumped from the trunk, and Leonardo lept from the sunroof. They quickly drew their weapons.

"Stop!" said Leonardo. "What is your business with the Cannonballers?"

"I'm looking for someone." said the man. "I heard he was in the race. His name is Max Rockatansky."

"Rockasteady?" asked Michaelangelo. "Isn't that one of Shredder's goons?"

"You're after Mad Max?" asked Leonardo as Donatello joined them. "Why?"

"I've been hired by several warlords in our world to bring in Rockatansky." said the man. "He has greatly interfered with their activities and they seek restitution."

"Who are you?" asked Donatello.

"I am a mercenary for hire." said the man. "I am...'The Warrior'!"

"I think you left out the 'shooting out the walls of heartache, bang bang' part." said Raphael.

"If you will not assist me, then I shall be forced to destroy you." said the Warrior. He produced about a dozen throwing knives in his hands, then started throwing them at the turtles.

"I got this!" said Michaelangelo as he rolled into battle. He started spinning his nunchucks and knocking the knives out of the air. Not one knife reached his teammates.

"Impressive." said the Warrior.

"Are you attacking Cannonballers?" asked another voice. The Warrior turned around to see it was Jaws.

"I'm looking for Max Rockat..." said the Warrior before Jaws grabbed him.

"I'm going to make sure you don't try that again." said Jaws as he leaned down and sank his stainless steel teeth into the Warrior's arm. Suddenly, his eyes widened with a jolt and he stumbled away. The Warrior's arm was ripped open, revealing metal bars, wires, and hydraulic lines inside instead of bone, muscle, and blood.

"The dude is hard-wired!" said Michaelangelo.

"Isn't modern technology wonderful?" joked Raphael.

"He's some kind of robot!" said Donatello.

"Precisely." said the Warrior. "I was made to be the perfect fighter."

"We can't allow you to proceed." said Leonardo.

"I must complete my contract." said the Warrior.

"If that's the way it must be..." said Leonardo "...Turtles fight with honor!"

Foyt pulled into another parking space and watched the battle take place. She called DeMarco on her cel phone. "Jimmy, it's Foyt. Do you have a knife thrower working for you?...Really?...Well, then. Things just got interesting."

Everytime the Warrior threw a knife at one of the Turtles, they blocked it with their weapons or shells. However, everytime they tried their own attacks, the Warrior managed to block them.

During the battle, Mahoney and his team showed up. He leaned out the window and said to Hooks "I've got a backup for a cute little ray of New York sunshine."

"Thank you." said Hooks. "The problem is over there."

"Alright, guys." said Mahoney. "Go for it."

Jones and Walker jumped out of the Patrol Car and ran into the battle. Both took martial arts stances.

"That's not a very good idea." said Walker.

Jones did his impression of a dubbed martial arts movie character. "Now...it is time...for you...to be punished."

Foyt watched and got ready to make her move. As she was getting ready to start the car, a voice said "You're not doing something wrong, now, are you?" She looked in the voice's direction and saw Lone Wolf.

"Oh, hello." she said. "How may I help you?"

"Aren't you Alice J. Foyt?" asked Lone Wolf.

"Why yes." she said.

Walker, Jones, and the Turtles continued to fight the Warrior, but he was still holding his own.

"Guys, we have a race to run!" yelled Cary.

"I know, but we can't risk leaving this guy in action." said Mahoney.

"Biker Boyz for life!" yelled Kid as he raced into the parking lot, jumped off the Cohete, and sent it racing into the Warrior. The android warrior was knocked flat.

"I got him!" yelled Mahoney. He ran over, folded the Warrior's hands behind his back, and cuffed them. "You have the right to remain silent." he informed. "However, if you've had too much root beer, you may find the need to waive this right. You have the right to an atourney, hopefully not the one who I hired to defend me in a police brutality suit because he is a very bad lawyer. And I'll leave you for the local constabulary. Folks, let's go!"

Kid picked up the Cohete and dusted it off. Cary jumped back on the Monsoni. The Turtles piled into the Cocotte. The protectors returned to their respective cars. Within seconds, all of them restarted their cars.

Foyt noticed this. "The Cannonballers are on the move." she said. "I'll see you later."

As she drove off, Lone Wolf got on his radio and said "Mahoney, it's Lone Wolf. Foyt is on her way."

"Thanks, Lone Wolf. I'll take it from here." said Mahoney. He put the Patrol Car in gear and used it to block the Windsor. He quickly got on the loudspeaker. "Miss...Mrs...Mister? Uh, Foyt. You used to be a cop, so I'd sure appreciate if you saved me the trouble of having to fill out all that paperwork and just turn away."

"Out of the way, Mahomo!" yelled Foyt.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." replied Mahoney as he handed the microphone to Jones.

Jones put the microphone to his mouth and did his impression of a machine gun. Foyt immediately bolted from the car and ran away from the scene.

"Go!" yelled Jones. Mahoney raced out of town.

Wiggum walked over to the cuffed Warrior and said "Okay, big guy. Let's go."

The Warrior got up and quickly broke his cuffs.

"You know, I think I'll release you on your own recognizance." said Wiggum as he fled.

Foyt hid in a nearby backyard. The Warrior found her shortly afterward. "You are trying to stop the Cannonballers." he said.

"Yes." she said.

"I need your assistance in apprehending one of the Cannonballers." said the Warrior.

"What do I get in return?" asked Foyt.

"I will help you stomp out the Cannonball." said the Warrior.

"It's a deal." said Foyt.

"Come." said the Warrior. He led her to his Riviera.

"Nice car." said Foyt. "What's it called?"

"It's called the Buccaneer." said the Warrior. They climbed in and took off.

"You did a nice job with this car." said Foyt as they drove out of town.

"Thank you." said the Warrior. "What happened to your car?"

Foyt thought about the question, then realized nothing happened to it. She had abandoned a perfectly good car. "Oh." she said.

Back in Springfield, Jimbo Jones, Dolph, and Kearney looked over the Windsor.

"I can't believe someone abandoned a perfectly good Jaguar." said Jimbo.

"I'm thinking we should outfit the trunk with a bitchin' sound system." said Dolph.

"Some Lexani rims would be cool." said Kearney.

"Let's see if we can rig up a body kit of some kind." said Jimbo.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Missouri...

"It's official." said Jarod. "I cannot read maps."

"So, how do we get to St. Louis?" asked Johnny Five.

"Maybe we should ask these guys." said Jarod as he saw a convertable full of teenagers.

Johnny Five pulled alongside the convertable and Jarod rolled down his window.

"Excuse me." said Jarod. "Can you tell us how to get to St. Louis?"

Johnny Five leaned over and said "Please be as specific as possible. We tend to get lost easily."

The teenagers screamed and raced off. Jarod and Johnny Five watched them go.

"Were those dweebs?" asked Jarod.

"Yes." said Johnny Five. "Those were definitely dweebs."

XXXXXXXXXX

The racers who were in Springfield raced out west as the sun was starting to set.

Cary pulled alongside Kid and tried to pass, but Kid wouldn't let him.

Lone Wolf pulled up behind them and said "Hey, wanna race?"

"Last one to the next state is a rotten egg!" yelled Kid.

"You're on!" yelled Cary.

The three accelerated and tried to pass each other.

**Hearts of fire.  
Streets of stone.  
Modern warriors.  
Saddle iron horses of chrome.**

**Taste the wild.  
Lick the wind.  
Like something they never saw before,  
their jaws dropping to the floor,  
steel made of soul and sin.**

The bikers hit a straightaway and Kid focused the road into a tunnel. He took the lead.

**Rebels born without a care.  
And the day he listens.  
Only to fly where eagles dare.  
And the night she whispers.**

**Ride the wind.  
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.  
Ride the wind.  
Never coming back again.  
Ride the wind.  
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.**

**Painted flesh.  
Loyalty.  
Humble pride  
just as far as the eye can see.**

The three hit a turn and Cary found a shortcut. He jumped the Monsoni off a large rock and hit a rock wall wheels first, then raced along the rock wall and hit the road ahead of the others.

**Stories told.  
Two old friends.  
Of battle scars and lonely bars  
and nights the rain wouldn't end.**

**Here's to withered eyes wearing gypsy smiles.  
And the day he listens.  
Here's to lovely ladies and a million miles.  
And the night she whispers.**

**Ride the wind.  
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.  
Ride the wind.  
Never coming back again.  
Ride the wind.  
I'm still the bravest soul in sin,  
burning 'til the night is done.**

At the next straightaway, Kid and Cary tried to fight for the lead, only to both lose it to Lone Wolf when he slipped by separated by a passing truck.

**Of all the truths and lies,  
and stories of riders in the sky.  
They say only the bravest try  
where eagles and angels dare to fly.**

**Ride the wind.  
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.  
Ride the wind.  
Never coming back again.  
Ride the wind.  
Never coming back until I touch the midnight sun.  
Ride the wind.  
Never coming back again.  
Ride the wind.  
I'm still the bravest soul in sin,  
burning 'til the night is done.**

"Ride the Wind" by Poison

Lone Wolf raced across the state line first. Kid was second and Cary brought up the rear.

"Nice race, guys." said Lone Wolf. "Now, let's see how you do in the big race." And with that, he was off.

XXXXXXXXXX

"It has been ten hours since the race began and our racers have made it halfway across the continental United States." announced Phil. "They still have the other half, a small section of Canada, and the state of Alaska before Asia and the rest of the continents. With me now is one member of the Cannonball band who we have asked for an opinion on the winner."

Adam Duritz walked over.

"Adam, you've been paying attention to the race." said Phil. "Do you have an opinion on who will win?"

"I'm actually hoping for the Paris Cop Car." said Adam. "The team is from the Crows' hometown of San Francisco, so there's that. Also, the team members are very well trained and very well skilled."

"We actually have an interview with one of the teams right now." said Phil. "Can we get that now?"

The monitor came on and showed a very shaky view of Willow.

"Watch the little robot drone trying to get you." chided Xander from offscreen.

"Knock it off, Xander!" said Willow. "Why is the red light on?"

"What? OOH!" said Xander. He tried to replace the camera on the rearview. It ended up lopsided.

Buffy straightened it and pointed it at herself. "Sorry about that." she said. "Xander is a little...Xander."

"How is the race going?" asked Phil.

"Very well." said Buffy. "No major problems yet. Everything is clear sailing so far."

"Where are you right now?" asked Phil.

"Somewhere in Nebraska." said Buffy.

"Nebraska you say?" asked Adam. "Is that anywhere near..." He then sang "Omaha...somewhere in middle America..."

Buffy laughed. "Can you do 'Mr. Jones'?" asked Xander. "Or 'Rain King' perhaps?"

"Night is falling." said Phil. "Has that become a problem?"

"We hunt vampires." said Buffy. "The night is our world."

"Well, I'm sure you'd like to get back to racing." said Phil. "Thank you and good luck."

XXXXXXXXXX

J.D. laid in the back of the Crown Mail. "Oh, that's right." he muttered in his sleep. "Yeah, that's right. Large pizza, pepperoni, and sausage."

"J.D?" said Butler as he shook him awake. "Dr. Dorian?"

J.D. got up. "Can we get a pizza?" he asked.

"Sorry to wake you." said Butler as he rolled up his sleeve. "Does this look infected?"

"No, it looks fine." said J.D.

"Oh, that's good." said Butler.

J.D. laid back down to go back to bed when he noticed the van was in motion. "Butler, who's driving?" he asked.

"Master Fowl, of course." said Butler.

"Oh." said J.D. He laid down and tried to go back to sleep, then the information registered and he bolted straight up. He looked and saw that Artemis was in fact driving. "Artemis, I thought you couldn't drive!" he said.

"I said I was too young to have a license." explained Artemis. "I didn't say I couldn't drive."

"Oh." said J.D. He laid back down to go back to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

After night had fallen, Winston drove the Modo Prego down a dark highway. Peter had shotgun while Louis slept in back.

"Lonely highway at night." said Peter. "Spooky, huh?"

"Hey, I'm a Ghostbuster." said Winston. "I ain't 'fraid of no ghost."

"Check this car out." said Peter as they came up behind a '57 Chevy which appeared to be glowing white. The mag wheels glistened in the moonlight.

"Yeah." said Winston. "Let's see what he's up to."

Winston pulled alongside the Chevy, rolled down his window, and said "Hey, nice WHOA!"

The Chevy's front end was completely mangled. The roof was slightly buckled and the windshield was shattered. The driver literally looked like he was from beyond the grave.

"Why, thank you." he said.

"You from around here?" asked a very freaked out Peter.

"I've been around here for many years." said the Chevy driver.

"Where are you going?" asked Winston.

"Just down that ways a bit." said the Chevy driver. "And you?"

"Straight ahead and on to Alaska." said Peter.

"When you reach the mountains, don't go too fast." said the Chevy driver. "I made that mistake...once."

"Well, we'll catch you later." said Winston.

"Be seeing you." said the driver. He pulled away a second later.

"Wait 'til Egon hears about this." said Peter.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, the Bestia cruised along through the night. "Lowrider" by War was playing on the radio.

"Hey, this is a good song." said Jesse from the backseat.

"Gearhead classic." said Dom from the driver's seat.

Behind them, the Sabre crept up unnoticed.

"Is that who I think it is?" asked Korpi.

"Sure is." said Darden. "Let's get 'em."

In the Bestia, Dom tapped his hand on the dash and lip synched the song. Jesse bobbed his head side to side. Memphis held up his hands and shook like a leaf.

Darden leaned out the window of the Sabre and aimed his magnum at the Bestia. He fired at the Bestia and blew off the passenger side rearview.

"Didn't we used to have a mirror there?" asked Memphis.

Dom looked over his shoulder. "Ah great!" he yelled.

"What is it?" asked Jesse.

"It's gonna be a long-ass night, that's what." replied Dom.

He floored the accelerator, but the Sabre managed to stay with him.

"He's still back there." said Jesse.

"Try to lose him in this wrecking yard coming up." said Memphis.

Dom steered into the wrecking yard with the Sabre in hot pursuit. He started to weave through the piles of wrecked cars.

"Find him." said Darden.

"Relax, we'll get him." said Korpi.

Dom maneuvered around a car shredder and came upon a crane with a claw on it.

"Dom, wait!" said Memphis. "Let me off here. I got an idea."

Dom parked and let Memphis out, then took off again.

"There he is!" said Korpi as he went after Dom.

Dom floored it and tried to lose Korpi in the darkness. He steered around the piles of junked cars, then went back towards the car shredder.

"I think we lost them." said Dom.

"Great, let's find Memphis and get out of here." said Jesse.

Dom raced by the car shredder and came bumper to bumper with the Sabre.

"End of the line, chromedome!" yelled Korpi.

"Any ideas?" asked Dom.

"Not this time." said Jesse.

"This is going to be fun." said Darden.

The claw crane drove towards the Sabre, then dropped its claw onto the car's roof.

Memphis was in the crane's driver's seat as he pulled a lever and closed the claw, the teeth ripping into the Sabre's roof. He then lifted it up and said "You guys go on ahead! I'll catch up at the entrance!"

"Got it!" yelled Dom.

Dom drove out of the wrecking yard and Memphis drove towards the car shredder. When the Sabre was over the conveyor belt, he released it.

"Watch the finish!" yelled Korpi.

Memphis jumped out of the crane and pulled a lever on the shredder. The conveyor belt started and carried the Sabre towards the mouth of the car chopper. He then ran towards the entrance.

He found Dom and Jesse waiting for him. "I got 'em." he said. "Let's go."

"Wait, strike a pose." said Jesse.

Jesse put his hands in his pockets and smirked, Dom crossed his arms in front of his chest and scowled, and Memphis clasped his hands behind his back and grinned.

"I can't believe we're still alive." said Darden.

"Not for long!" said Korpi when he saw the rapidly approaching mouth of the shredder. The metal teeth scraped against each other creating a sound that sent chills up Darden's and Korpi's spines.

"Bail out!" yelled Darden.

He and Korpi threw open their doors and jumped out of the Sabre. The Sabre entered the mouth of the shredder and toppled in.

By the entrance, Jesse, Dom, and Memphis held their poses. They heard the grinding of shredding metal signalling the demise of the Sabre. A second later, an ear-shattering explosion rang out and a massive fireball erupted from the shredderas the Sabre's gas tank blew.

"Alright, let's go." said Jesse.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, Ethan and Snake were on the run from a police cruiser.

"Ethan, you have to lose this guy!" said Snake.

"I'll see if I can find a hiding place in the next town." said Ethan. He drove into the next town and found a warehouse.

"This looks nice." said Snake.

Ethan drove into the warehouse. The police cruiser drove past it. "Now, we have to find a place to hide." he said.

"I've got an idea." said Snake.

The police cruiser drove past the entrance to the warehouse again, then stopped and turned around. The cruiser entered the warehouse and started to look around for the Monstruo.

"Hurry, they're coming." said Snake. He and Ethan were stacking cardboard boxes around the Monstruo to hide it.

"Okay, we're done." said Ethan.

The cruiser rolled by without noticing them. Ethan was listening in to their conversations with his digital binoculars and Snake was watching the cruiser with his thermal goggles.

Finally, Ethan heard one of the officers report giving up the search. "They're leaving." he said.

"Hold on." said Snake as he watched the cruiser leave. "Okay, we're clear."

"I can't believe we were saved by cardboard boxes." said Ethan as he climbed back into the Monstruo.

"Don't be so quick to judge." said Snake. "Many an agent's life has been saved by a cardboard box. They are a very important tool for infiltration."

"Really?" asked Ethan.

"Yes." said Snake. "If on a mission, you should get your hands on a cardboard box, treat it carefully. It's an important tool, but in the end, it's only paper. So, remember to treat it well."

"Okay." said Ethan after a short pause.

XXXXXXXXXX

Next morning, in Portague County, Texas, Team Rocket was the next team to be pulled over.

"Good morning, I'm Sheriff Buford T. Justice Jr. I'm sure you know why I pulled you over."

"Er, why?" asked James.

"Well, it's because you were going about a hundred and thirty when I clocked you." said Junior.

"Surely, you must be mistaken." said Annie.

"I'm not." said Junior. "Please step out of the car."

James, Annie, and Oakley climbed out of the car.

"You too, red." said Junior to Jessie.

Jessie climbed out of the car and dropped a pokeball.

"Whatcha got there?" asked Junior as he went to pick up the pokeball.

He grabbed the pokeball and it popped open, releasing Jolteon.

"Oh, wow!" said Junior. "Isn't it cute?"

He went to pet Jolteon.

"Jolteon!" said the pokemon as it released its Thunderbolt attack. Junior was knocked out.

It took a few seconds for Team Rocket to realize what had happened. "Let's get the hell out of here." said Oakley.

"Right." said James. "Annie, you're driving."

"No, I'm driving." said Annie.

Team Rocket piled back into the Pirahna PDQ and raced off. However, they completely failed to notice Junior's dashboard camera.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Highway Hunters held a meeting.

"Okay, we're down two cars." said Korpi. "What are we doing wrong?"

"We're sucking." said Max.

"Besides that." said Darden.

"Well technically, we're not failing." said Johnny B. "That is because we do not have a solid plan. We need a plan."

"Good idea." said Feliz.

"Who has an idea?" asked Paul.

"I've got one." said Korpi. "We'll steal some tractor-trailers and use them as roadblocks."

"That's your plan?" asked Lance.

"You got a better one?" asked Darden.

"Well then, let's get us some semis." said Joe.

The Hunters returned to their cars.

"Hey, what happened to those alien broads?" asked Korpi.

"Got me." said Darden.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So, what do you say?" asked Mitzi. "Do we have a deal?"

"Sure." said the salesman. "Here are your motorcycles."

He presented them with three sport bikes.

"Thank you." said Mitzi. "Okay, Nichole and Kim, you get the BF-400. Mia and Linda, you get the NRG-500. I've got the FCR-900."

"Let's move." said Linda.

"What about the others?" asked Mia.

"The Hunters are working on a new plan." said Mitzi. "Tanner and Everett are doing so as well."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Miami...

"Are you sure about this?" asked Everett as he set up a sniper rifle.

"It's simple." said Tanner as he scanned the streets with his binoculars. "You take out the caterers for Cannonball headquarters. After that, we fill the void by posing as them and then infiltrate the ship. Then, we find where they're keeping the prize money and make our plans to steal it."

"That's perfect." said Everett. "You see, I've got a catering business on the side when contracts are slow. Heh heh. Typical."

"Hold on, I see him coming." said Tanner. Through his binoculars, he saw a van with a giant hot dog on the roof.

"Keep your eye on the dog." said Everett as he aimed. "Keep your eye on the dog."

Everett fired his shot and took out the hot dog truck's front tire. The truck spun out and tipped over. The crash of the truck's contents falling off their shelves was heard. "My sandwiches!" yelled the driver.

"Good!" said Tanner.

"Good?" asked Everett as he looked through his scope. "It's not just good, it's gone."

XXXXXXXXXX

Team Banzai was on the move.

"I'm working on a new composition." said Buckaroo. "I decided to base it upon the sound of the Hyperthruster powering up."

"That's not a bad idea." said Sydney. "Can we hear the Hyperthruster for reference?"

"Sorry." said Buckaroo. "I promised myself I'd only use it in an emergency. The thing uses a lot of juice."

Just then, the black van came up behind them.

"What would you consider an emergency?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"Anything requiring a major speed boost to escape." said Buckaroo.

The black van rear-ended the Jersey XS, shaking up the car's occupants.

"Will that do?" asked Sydney.

The van rear-ended them again.

"Damn, this guy drives like he's from Jersey." said Perfect Tommy. "Oh, sorry, Sydney." he added when he saw 'New Jersey' Zweibel glaring at him.

"Soit sage, mes amis." said Buckaroo as he pushed a few switches. "I'm powering up the Hyperthruster now."

"When will it be ready?" asked Sydney.

"Right about now." said Buckaroo. He pushed the button and the car's headlights glowed yellow. A second later, the car shot to high speed.

In Miami, Chloe watched her monitor as Buckaroo used the Hyperthruster. Danny entered the room then.

"Bad news." he said. "The caterer crashed his van. He's alright, but he lost his load. We have to hire new caterers. What's up?"

"The Jersey XS is running on the edge of entering the eighth dimension." said Chloe. "If he breaks through, we'll have to disqualify him."

Outside the car, the world seemed to be running in slow motion.

"Buckaroo, what's going on out there?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"The Hyperthruster alters perception of time outside." said Buckaroo. "Time appears to be running more slowly to allow for quicker responses. Check your watch."

Perfect Tommy looked at his watch. "Oh, I see." he said. "It's taking a lot longer for a second to pass."

"Hold on." said Buckaroo. He pushed another switch and the car returned to normal speed. "Almost overloaded it." he explained.

"He's no longer pushing the dimensional barrier." said Chloe. "False alarm."

Perfect Tommy looked out the rear window. "I can't even see that van."

"I guess we're in the clear." said Buckaroo.

XXXXXXXXXX

A tractor-trailer pulled into a gas station and the driver jumped out. "Hey, you got a men's room back there?" he asked the attendant. The attendant directed him towards the back.

While the truck driver was looking for the bathroom, Paul and Feliz snuck up to his truck and climbed in.

The truck driver returned and found his rig was missing. "Oh no." he groaned as he took out his cel phone and dialled. "General, it's Thompson. The truck's been stolen and the EDB was still in it." He paused, then cringed. "Uh, no, sir. I was in the bathroom at the time."

In the truck, Paul drove while Feliz got on his cel phone. "Joe, this is Feliz. We've got the first truck."

"And we can see the next one." said Joe as he and Max looked at a red and white Kenworth with a box trailer.

"Let's go." said Max. He and Joe snuck towards the truck.

Inside the truck stop, the truck's driver was getting lunch.

"Okay, here's your order." said the waitress. "A chesseburger combo with fries and two bananas?"

"That's right." said the driver. "I've got a load to haul and I have to go quickly."

"Which truck is yours?" asked the waitress.

"The red Kenworth." said the driver.

"Someone's stealing it!" said the waitress.

The driver turned around and saw that Joe and Max were stealing his truck. "I'll be right back!" he said.

He ran out of the truck stop as Max started the truck. Joe ran back to the Oceanic and saw the driver running after them. "He's coming! Go!" he yelled.

Max drove out of the truck stop just as the driver jumped on the side of the truck and tried to climb into the cab. Joe followed behind.

"Max, he's on the side of the truck." said Joe over his walkie-talkie. "Get rid of him."

"Got it." replied Max.

The driver tried to open the door to the passenger side. However, Max kept steering into obstacles on the side of the road and trying to knock the driver off. Finally, he steered him into a sign giving distance to the next cities and the driver lost his grip, fell to the side of the road, knocked down a mile marker, and rolled into a ditch.

XXXXXXXXXX

**_Joel and Fearless_**

In Los Angeles, a sedan pulled up to a house in the hills. Two men, one a black man with a muscular build and a baseball cap, the other a white guy with thinning red hair, climbed out and entered the house.

The house was actually an elite police unit's headquarters. Personel walked around and checked on various systems.

"Detectives Smith and Stevens, I presume." said a high-ranking officer.

"That's us." said the white man, Detective Joel Stevens.

"You come highly recommended." said the officer. "Sheriff Cooper DeVille. Nice to meet you."

"COOPER DeVille?" asked the black man, Detective Bobby "Fearless" Smith.

"You try living with it." said DeVille. "Now, you're probably wondering why I called you here."

"Thought had crossed my mind." said Joel.

"Come along." said DeVille. He led them to a monitor. "This was recorded this morning."

He pushed play on a VCR. On the monitor was shown Junior pulling over Team Rocket and getting shocked by Jolteon.

"We have identified the officer being knocked out as Buford T. Justice Jr." said DeVille. "His dashboard cam is what recorded this."

"How is officer Justice?" asked Fearless.

"He'll be fine." said DeVille. "Or at least as close as he was before. Continuing, we have identified the people in the car as members of a group called Team Rocket."

"What do we know about them?" asked Joel.

"Not much." said DeVille. "What we do know is this: Every year, Team Rocket takes part in a worldwide road race called the Cannonball Run. Dozens more join them. Chaos ensues. It's up to you guys to try to bring them in."

"Aren't they usually given amnesty by the president?" asked Fearless.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean we can't try." said DeVille.

"When do we leave?" asked Joel.

"As soon as possible." said DeVille. "Come on."

DeVille led Joel and Fearless into the parking garage. "I wouldn't dream of sending you out in that heap you came in with."

"Hey." said Fearless.

"So, I'm giving you this." said DeVille.

"Whoa." said Joel when he saw a burgundy Buick Regal with a white Landau top, oval hood vents, twin exhaust, a small spoiler, and wire wheels.

"I call it the Majestic." said DeVille. "The keys are yours."

"Thank you." said Fearless. He and Joel got into the Majestic, started it, and drove off.

"Drive safely." said DeVille as they drove off.

"I bet you're going to be able to cross a few more things off your list." said Joel as Fearless drove out of the area.

"I'm looking forward to it." said Fearless.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Paris Cop Car...

"I was...born in East L.A." sang Joe. "I was...born in East L.A."

"Oh yeah, you were born in East L.A." joked Nash. "Let's see your green card."

"Green card?" said Joe. "I'm from East L.A."

"Alright then, who's president?" asked Nash.

"Oh, that's easy!" said Joe. "He's that son of that other president, uh, Ronald Reagan Junior."

"Alright, let's go!" said Nash.

"Nash, stop!" yelled Monk.

Nash pulled to the side of the road and stopped. "Adrian, what's wrong?" he asked.

"There's a missing mile marker back there." said Monk.

Joe groaned. "Alright, let's take care of it." said Nash as he threw the car into reverse and backed up.

"Here, right here!" said Monk when they reached the spot.

"Let's go, Joe." said Nash. He and Joe climbed out of the car and looked at the spot where the mile marker was.

"Nash, it's just a mile marker." said Joe. "Why are we doing this?"

"'Cause if we don't, it's all we're gonna hear about for the next two time zones." said Nash as he descended the slope. That was when they heard the groans.

"What was that?" asked Joe.

"Someone." said Nash as he ran down to where the groan came from. He and Joe found the truck driver.

"What the hell?" asked Joe.

"Hey, bubba, you okay?" asked Nash.

"I think so." said the trucker. "A couple of guys stole my truck and tried to kill me."

"Who was it?" asked Nash as he helped the trucker to his feet.

"Two guys." said the trucker. "Mean looking suckers. They had a '58 Oldsmobile."

"Hold on a sec." said Nash as he pulled out his cel phone. "I got a hunch. Yo, Mr. X. Talk to me."

"Nash, what's going on?" asked Mr. X on the other end.

"This threat you've been talking about." said Nash. "Did your informant say anything about one of them driving a '58 Oldsmobile?"

"Wait, I think one of them might be." said Mr. X. "Yes, my informant says that one of DeMarco's hired goons is driving one."

"Did he say anything about any recent plans?" asked Nash.

"He said something about using tractor-trailers as roadblocks." said Mr. X.

"Son of a bitch." said Nash. "I'll get back to you later." Nash closed his cel phone and said "I think the guys who stole your truck are on my to-bust list. Come on."

Joe helped the trucker up the hill. "I'm Joe Dominguez and this is Nash Bridges." he said.

"Billy Joe McKay." said the trucker. "You can just call me B.J."

"Joe, you up for a high speed pursuit?" asked Nash.

"Yeah, I guess." said Joe.

"Good, 'cause you're driving." said Nash. "B.J, you ride in back. Don't mind Adrian. He's like that with everybody."

Nash climbed into the front passenger seat, Joe got into the driver's seat, and B.J. got in back with Monk.

"Hi, I'm B.J." he said as he extended a hand to Monk.

"Adrian Monk." replied the nervous man as he shook hands with the trucker. After they let go of each other, B.J. looked out the window and Monk took out a handi-wipe to clean his hands.

Down the road...

"Let's see, where would be a good place to set up a roadblock?" asked Max.

"Before you come up with an answer, look right." said a voice over the C.B. Max looked right and saw another truck driven by Johnny B.

"Nice." said Max. He looked in the rearview and saw the Oceanic and Elegy following behind.

Joe Dominguez swerved through traffic trying to catch up with the stolen truck.

"There it is!" said B.J.

"Alright." said Nash. "Joe, can you get in front of it?"

"I can try." said Joe.

"B.J, I want you to pay attention." said Nash. "Because we're about to recover your truck."

"And I'll be able to make my delivery?" asked B.J.

"With any luck." said Nash.

"And Bear will be okay?" asked B.J.

"Who's Bear?" asked Monk.

"I think we can set up a few miles down the road." said Max.

Just then, a chimp climbed out of the truck's sleeper cab and started climbing on Max. Max started to lose control of the truck as a result.

"Max, what's going on?" asked Joe Osbourne in the Oceanic.

"It's a chimp!" yelled Max over the C.B.

"Well, get rid of it!" replied Joe Osbourne. He then looked left and saw Nash looking right back at him. Nash just flashed a smile, then turned to Joe Dominguez.

"Bad news, I think they found Bear." said Nash.

"Damn." said B.J.

"Joe, can you get past that truck?" asked Nash.

"I'll have to use nitrous." said Joe Dominguez.

"Then do it." said Nash.

Joe angled the Paris Cop Car between the two trucks and hit the nitrous switch. The car narrowly missed being hit by the swerving truck by inches.

Nash looked back at the trucks and said "Joe, you've still got it!"

Joe Osbourne angled the Oceanic between the two trucks and tried to drive between them. Unfortunately, Bear made Max swerve again and slam the wheels of the trailer into the side of the Oceanic. The old Oldsmobile was batted back and forth between the two trucks, getting more damaged with each hit, and was finally knocked under the trailer of B.J's Kenworth.

Joe looked at the wheels grinding against the side of the car and said "Oh no. Not again."

A second later, the tires caught grip and hoisted themselves on top of the car, flattening it.

Lance pulled in next to the wrecked Oldsmobile and climbed out of the Elegy. "Joe, you okay?" he asked.

Joe kicked open the door to the Oceanic and said "Ever get a nasty case of deja vu?"

Down the road, Nash was taking off his seatbelt and rolling down his window. "Okay, Joe." he said. "I want you to get me as close to the passenger side of the truck as you can."

"What are you going to do?" asked Joe.

"Show you the reason why I had you drive." said Nash. "And that is because there's no way in hell I would ask you to do this."

"Nice running with you, Nashman." said Joe as he tried to get closer to the truck.

Nash climbed onto the car's roof and got closer himself. As soon as the Paris Cop Car and truck were nearly touching, Nash jumped onto the side of the truck. "Go!" he yelled.

Joe tried to get away from the truck as quickly as possible. Nash climbed up the side and tried to get the door open. Johnny B saw him and angled closer to the Kenworth.

Nash saw him approaching and prepared to take evasive action. Max was preparing to help him when Bear attacked again. Max released the accelerator and Nash was able to position himself to go between the truck's tractor and trailer.

Bear attacked Max again and Max swerved into Johnny's truck, knocking him to the side of the road. Johnny hit the guardrail and his truck jackknifed, spilling his load of aluminum foil.

Nash then got the door open and climbed into the cab. Max took a swing at him, but missed. Nash responded by grabbing Max's head and slamming it into the steering wheel several times. Bear laughed. Nash then threw Max into the passenger side footwell and steered the truck to the side of the road. Joe followed in the Paris Cop Car. Both stopped.

"Yo, Nashman?" said Joe as he and the others climbed out of the car.

Nash jumped out of the truck carrying Bear. "Mr. McKay, I believe this is yours." he said.

"Hey, Bear!" said B.J. as he took Bear . "You alright? I hope he didn't scare you."

"Hey, Nash." said Joe. "Think I should get a monkey?"

"Why? You got J.J." said Nash.

"Good point." said Joe.

Meanwhile, Max climbed out of the truck. The Elegy stopped in front of him and he jumped in through the window.

"Inspector Bridges, thank you." said B.J. "I don't know what I'd do without him."

"All in a day's work." said Nash. "Come on, guys."

Nash and his teammates returned to their car.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Idaho, Jesse and Chester stopped for lunch.

"Once we eat, we can go." said Jesse as he returned to their table.

"I wish they hadn't given me so many tater tots." said Chester. His plate was practically overloaded with tater tots.

At the next table, a tall, skinny guy with red curly hair and glasses asked "Hey, if you're not gonna eat your tots, can I have them?"

"Sure." said Chester.

"Thanks." said the guy as he picked up the tots...with one hand...and stuffed them into his pocket. "So, what are you guys doing in town?" he asked.

"We're just passing through." said Jesse.

"We're Cannonballers." said Chester.

"Sweet!" said the guy.

"Watch the leaderboard for us." said Chester.

"Yeah." said Jesse. "I'm Jesse Richmond and this is Chester Greenburg."

"Napoleon Dynamite." said the guy as he shook hands with them.

Just then, Mitzi, Kim, and Nichole burst in, attracting the attention of all inside.

"Where do we know them from?" asked Jesse.

"Well, look who's here." said Mitzi.

"Do we know you?" asked Chester.

"So, you're in the Cannonball now." said Nichole.

"What about it?" asked Jesse.

"Wouldn't you rather be doing something else?" asked Mitzi.

"Well, I'd rather be watching the Discovery Channel." said Chester. "But if we can win this, I can watch without worrying about the cable bill."

"No, I mean _something_ else?" asked Mitzi.

"Oh yeah, we could eat pudding while wearing those army helmets." said Jesse.

"No, something _else_?" asked Mitzi.

"Oh, I know what she means!" said Chester. "Minigolf!"

"Man, you guys are retarded!" said Napoleon. "She wants to have sex with you!"

"Hey, wait!" said Jesse. "I know you! You're those babes who tried to seduce us in order to take over the universe!"

"Oh good, you remembered." said Mitzi. "I was starting to take it personally."

"What do you want?" asked Chester.

"We think it would be in your best interest to not continue the race." said Kim.

"With two hundred fifty million on the line?" said Jesse. "Forget it!"

"Then you must be stopped." said Kim.

"Hold it, hold it, hold it." said the restaurant manager. "You can't have a fight here. I just had the floor buffed for the dance contest."

"What dance contest?" asked Jesse.

"Every week, we have a dance contest." said the manager. "There's a nice cash prize."

"How about if you hold one now?" asked Chester. "If we win, we get to continue the race. If they win, we stop. Okay?"

"Sounds good to me." said the manager. "Clear the dance floor!"

Chester walked over to Jesse. "Chester, what are you thinking?" whispered Jesse.

"What's wrong? I can dance." said Chester.

"Not after the court order!" said Jesse.

"Oh." said Chester.

"I'll dance for you." said Napoleon.

"Really?" asked Jesse.

"Sure." said Napoleon. "I can dance. I've won this contest like an infinity number of times."

"Okay, two verses and the best reaction wins." announced the manager. "First up is Nicole representing the girls. Her chosen song is 'Somebody Kill Me' by...sorry, I mean 'Somebody Told Me' by the Killers."

Nichole took to the dance floor as the music started. She started out by bobbing her shoulders left and right along with a few steps to the side.

**Breaking my back just to know your name.  
Seventeen tracks and I've had it with this game.**

She added a swimming motion and started bobbing more rapidly.

**I'm breaking my back just to know your name.  
But heaven ain't close in a place like this.  
Anything goes but don't blink you might miss.**

While bobbing, Nichole started making peace signs over her eyes.

**'Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this.  
I said heaven ain't close in a place like this.  
Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight.  
Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight.**

She then performed a slide to the right, then to the left, then did a spin.

**Well, somebody told me.  
You had a boyfriend.  
Who looks like a girlfriend.  
that I had in February of last year.  
It's not confidential.  
I've got potential.**

She started hopping left and right and swinging her extended index fingers.

**Ready? Let's roll onto something new.  
Taking its toll and I'm leaving without you.**

Nichole did her sideways slides again while holding up her fists.

**'Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this.  
I said heaven ain't close in a place like this.**

**Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight.  
Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight.**

Nichole did a few more hops to the side while shooting her fists side to side.

**Well, somebody told me.  
You had a boyfriend.  
Who looks like a girlfriend.  
that I had in February of last year.  
It's not confidential.  
I've got potential.**

"Somebody Told Me" by The Killers

The music stopped and Nichole stopped dancing. The crowd let out a little applause.

"Alright, let's hear it for Nichole." said the manager. "Now, dancing for the guys, Napoleon Dynamite. His song of choice is 'True Faith' by New Order."

Napoleon strutted up to the dance floor. The music started. He started with alternating dropping his right shoulder and looking left. When the music changed, he went into shuffling left and right while doing martial arts defense moves with his hands. When the lyrics started, he began walking sideways and circling his hands.

**I feel so extraordinary.  
Something's got a hold of me.  
I get this feeling I'm in motion.  
A sudden sense of liberty.**

He returned to shuffling sideways, this time with his fingers interlocked and rolling his arms like a wave.

**I don't care 'cause I'm not there.  
And I don't care if I'm here tomorrow.  
Again and again I've taken too much.**

He then stood still and rotated his right arm while snapping his fingers.

**Of the things that cost you too much.**

Napoleon dropped onto his side, then sprung back to his feet and slid across the floor.

**I used to think that the day would never come.**

He slid back and dropped to his knees. He started shuffling to the right on his knees.

**I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun.  
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near.  
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear.**

Napoleon jumped back to his feet and crossed his arms.

**I used to think that the day would never come.  
That my life would depend on the morning sun.**

He hopped three times until he returned to fully upright. He then started crossing and uncrossing his arms while sidestepping.

**When I was a very small boy,  
very small boys talked to me.  
Now that we've grown up together,  
they're afraid of what they see.**

He began shuffling to the left while circling his hands again.

**That's the price that we all pay.  
And the value of destiny comes to nothing.**

He started shuffling back to the right.

**I can't tell you where we're going.  
I guess there was just no way of knowing.**

He dropped back onto his knees and shuffled to the left while waving his hands.

**I used to think that the day would never come.  
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun.  
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near.**

Napoleon started shuffling to the right again.

**To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear.  
I used to think that the day would never come.  
That my life would depend on the morning sun.**

"True Faith" by New Order

The crowd went wild as the music stopped. Napoleon returned to his feet.

"I think we have a winner!" said the manager.

Nichole groaned and stomped off.

"Let's hear it once again for Napoleon Dynamite!" said the manager.

Napoleon ran over to Jesse and Chester and said "You guys can continue your race."

"Hey, that's right!" said Jesse. "We've got a race to run!"

"Thanks!" said Chester. "You saved our lives there!"

"Good luck, you guys!" yelled Napoleon. "Vote for Pedro!"

XXXXXXXXXX

On the U.S.-Canadian border, between Washington and British Columbia...

"Okay, we've got the road blocked off." said Paul as he moved the tractor-trailer into position.

"Just in time too." said Feliz as he hid in the bushes with a pair of binoculars. "There's a pair of Cannonballers approaching."

Just down the road, the Boost raced along the road. Bruce was driving, Gloria rode in the passenger seat, and Matt slept in the back.

"Should we wake Matt yet?" asked Gloria.

"No, he drove all night." said Bruce. "Let him rest."

Right behind him, the Zender Alpha raced along. Joanna was driving.

"No action yet?" asked Cate.

"Sometimes it gets boring." said Chun Li.

"Hold on." said Joanna. "Something's about to happen."

She swerved and passed the Boost.

"See ya!" she said.

"Here she comes." said Feliz.

"Scratch one Cannonballer." said Paul.

Joanna rounded the turn at high speed and was shocked to see the roadblock.

"Holy crow!" yelled Lara.

"Brace yourself!" yelled Joanna.

She steered towards the trailer, confusing Paul and Feliz. A second later, she slipped right under the trailer.

"Nice move." said Cate.

"I know, but those others need to be warned." said Joanna.

"I got it." said Chun Li. She picked up the radio and said "Team MASK, there is a tractor-trailer blocking the road. Watch yourself."

"Did you hear that?" asked Gloria.

"Yes." said Bruce as he pushed a button the the dashboard. An orange and grey mask was lowered over his head.

A few seconds later, the Boost drove around the turn and Bruce saw the truck.

"We got this one!" said Paul.

"Lifter, on!" called Bruce. A series of yellow energy rings were broadcast from the visor on his mask. The rings passed through Paul's truck and then lifted it off the ground. The Boost raced under it and without Bruce holding it up, the truck came crashing to the ground.

"That was some sharp thinking." said Gloria.

Matt woke up at that moment. "Did I miss anything while I was asleep?" he asked.

"No, nothing important." said Gloria.

Feliz ran over to the smashed up truck. "Paul, are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, good thing I had my seat belt on." replied Paul as he crawled from the wreckage.

"Hey, what's this?" asked Feliz as he looked into the split open trailer.

"Looks like some kind of ray gun." said Paul.

"Maybe we can use it or something." said Feliz.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Seattle...

"Good afternoon, listeners. You are listening to the Frasier Crane show on KACL. And I am your host, Frasier Crane. What's plaguing you today? Let's go to the phones. Roz?"

"Yes, Frasier." said Roz. "We have Woody on line one. I'll put that through."

"Hello, Woody." said Frasier. "You have reached the Frasier Crane show. I'm listening."

"Hey, Doctor Crane!" said Woody over the phone. "I'm lost and I'm looking for some kind of direction."

"Well, that's what I'm here for, Woody." said Frasier. "Tell me, how are you lost?"

"We got into the city okay." said Woody. "After that, we started getting confused and we couldn't figure out where we were supposed to be going."

Frasier smiled when he realized what Woody meant. "I'll see what I can do." said Frasier.

"Woody, get off the phone!" yelled Sam. "Look, buddy. I'm sorry about my friend. He misunderstood your service and I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Sam." said Frasier.

"Oh. Hi, Frasier." said Sam sheepishly. "No, it's nothing. We're just in a race. Oh, okay. Bye."

"So, where are we going?" asked Woody.

"Navigating the city shouldn't be too hard." said Norm. "I bet you can see the Space Needle anywhere in town."

"Actually, the Space Needle has long been surpassed as the tallest structure in Seattle." said Cliff. "What we should do is find Puget Sound and turn right."

"Sounds good." said Sam as he returned to the car. "Woody, you know anything about the area by the water?"

"I can take you from the Kingdome to the first turn in 'Gran Turismo'." said Woody. "After that, you're on your own."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in British Columbia around the border with the state of Alaska...

"I'm thinking there should be a level in Canada." said Hsu.

"Yes, this is very beautiful scenery." said Chan.

"May I point out something?" asked Sushi X as he drove. "I've looked at every picture you've taken. Basicly, they all look the same. And these are the shots you're going to base your levels on?"

Hsu looked at their pictures. "He's right!" he said. "All of our North American levels are going to look the same!"

"That's unbelievable!" said Chan. "Do you know what this means?"

"Yes, I do!" said Hsu. "We're going to save a lot of time and money designing backgrounds!"

"I thought we got rid of that with the 32-bit systems." mumbled Sushi X.

"What?" asked Hsu.

"Nothing." said Sushi X.

Just then, Mia and Linda raced up on their motorcycle.

"Do you hear something?" asked Chan.

"Get me close." said Linda. "I want a clear shot."

"There's someone behind us." said Sushi X.

"Go!" said Mia.

Linda jumped from the back of the bike to the rear of the Amata. Then, she started to try to break through the rear window.

"Aiiii! We're under attack!" yelled Hsu.

"I'll try to shake her." said Sushi X.

He swerved left and right trying to rock the alien girl from the back of the car. Then, he hit the brakes and sent the girl over the roof and onto the hood.

"Not my best moment." said Sushi X. "Then again, I did have to play through 'Superman' on the N64."

"Ha ha! Again we insult the worthless piece of junk!" said Chan.

Linda got back up and started trying to break through the windshield.

"We could probably do with a little help." said Sushi X.

Just then, a snake fell out of the sky and landed on Linda. While she was trying to get rid of the snake, Sushi X hit the brakes and sent her flying.

"Go!" yelled Hsu. Sushi X hit the gas and peeled out.

"Where did that snake come from?" asked Chan.

They looked up to see the Gyro Captain flying above them.

"Thank you very much!" said Hsu.

"I needed help." said Sushi X. "Oh, this is going to go over well with the ninja council."

"Somebody wants us to not finish." said Hsu.

"And they sent those gorgeous but evil women towards that goal." said Chan.

"Chan, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Hsu.

"We have our game's enemy!" cheered Chan.

"Sheer brilliance!" said Hsu.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Alaska...

"Did I ever mention the time Scully and I went to an Arctic Ice Core Project to investigate some weird goings on?" asked Mulder.

"No, tell us about it." said J.

"It turned out there were some kind of worm creatures in their heads that were triggering the production of acetylcholine and making them commit violent acts." said Mulder.

"Those guys?" asked K. "I thought we told them to cut it out!"

"Whoa, what's this?" asked J as he saw a tractor-trailer parked across the highway.

The Lusso XT came to a halt next to the truck. J and K climbed out. "Excuse me." said K. "Can you please move this thing?"

"Sorry, mack!" said Korpi from the driver's seat. "She won't start."

"Help is on the way." said J as he looked back the way they had come. The London Patrol Car was approaching.

The Patrol Car stopped and Tackleberry, Hightower, and Flash climbed out. "What's going on?" asked Hightower.

"Won't move his truck." said J.

"No problem." said Flash as he climbed up on the side of the truck. "Are you going to move this thing?" he asked.

"I told the other guy." said Korpi. "It won't start."

Flash pulled open the door and ordered Korpi "Move over."

"What?" asked Korpi.

"Move over!" repeated Flash.

Korpi moved over. Flash took his seat and turned the key. The truck started right up.

"How were you trying to start it?" asked Flash as he put the truck into gear and moved it out of the way.

After moving the truck, Flash pulled out the keys and jumped from the cab.

"Okay, let's go!" he yelled. He tossed the keys under the truck and ran for the Patrol Car.

After the guys returned to their cars, they took off.

"They're getting away." yelled Darden as he ran from his hiding spot.

"Can't outrun the radio." said Korpi as he went for the C.B.

Down the road...

"Hey, look who's here!" said Mulder. The Saikou and RSMC 15 were rapidly catching up.

"Hey, paisano!" said Mario as the two cars pulled alongside.

"What's shaking?" asked Sonic.

"Heads up!" said J as he looked in the rearview. The Elegy was coming up fast.

"We have to help them!" said Luigi.

"No problem." said Link.

"To be fair, we gave them a chance." said Lance.

"They should have taken it." said Johnny B.

The Elegy pulled alongside the Saikou.

"Hit it!" yelled Mario.

Link took out his Ice Wand and fired an ice shot at the Elegy. The Skyline was frozen in its tracks.

"What in the..?" asked Johnny.

"Hold on." said Lance. He revved the engine until the heat caused the ice to melt. He took off after the Cannonballers.

"He's still coming!" said Tails.

"Not for long!" said Knuckles. He climbed onto the RSMC 15's roof, then jumped onto the hood of the Elegy. He quickly started using his Hammer Gloves to pound into the engine bay.

"What does he think he's doing?" asked Lance.

Knuckles finally punched through to the engine, killing it.

"That." said Johnny.

Knuckles jumped back to the RSMC 15 and said "So long, suckers!"

Lance and Johnny got out and looked at the damage.

"How bad is it?" asked Johnny.

"I can fix it." said Lance.

Suddenly, the back end of the Elegy exploded.

"But I can't fix that!" said Lance.

They looked towards the back and saw the Omega sitting there.

"That should teach them." said Spike.

"Come on." said Mason. "We have to keep up with the others."

The Omega took off down the road. A second later, the truck Darden and Korpi used to block the road followed.

"There they are!" said Darden.

"Time for some roadkill." said Korpi.

Korpi started to use the truck to ram the Omega.

"If it's not one thing, it's another!" said Spike.

"Brace yourself!" said Mason. He turned quickly to the left and hit the brakes. The Omega spun to the side and Mason corrected it when it was facing forward again.

"Whoa, I see you learned to drive from Danny Sullivan!" said Spike.

"Now, hit the minigun." said Mason.

Spike activated the minigun and ripped into the wheels of the trailer. The truck lurched to a halt.

Mason parked the Omega and he and Spike climbed out. Darden and Korpi did the same.

"End of the road, punk!" yelled Mason.

"Sorry, sport." said Korpi. "I'm not going down that easily."

"Let's dance." said Darden as he pulled out his gun.

"Drop the weapon now!" said a voice. Everybody looked over to see where it had come from. It was Washburn. Belle was with him.

"Put the gun down and surrender." ordered Washburn.

"Or else what?" asked Korpi.

"Oh, forget that!" said Belle. "I'm going to handle this personally!"

She marched over to the two thugs. Even though he had a gun, Darden took a defensive stance. Korpi did likewise. Then Belle started to hit them with a tire iron.

"You think it's funny destroying two years of work?" she yelled.

"I give! I give!" yelled Korpi.

"Shouldn't we help out?" asked Spike.

"I think he's being punished enough." said Mason.

XXXXXXXXXX

"You gotta be kidding me!" yelled Schwag.

"Unbelievable!" said Frankie. "Bad guys are stealing tractor trucks and trying to stop the Cannonballers by using them as roadblocks."

"A roadblock is a task that only one person may perform." announced Phil. "And no person may perform more than six..." He stopped when he noticed everyone staring at him. "Sorry, force of habit."

"Mr. X, it looks like your informant was correct." said Brock. "We've been getting reports of attacks on the Cannonballers all across the country."

"I heard those reports." said Mr. X. "I wish I still had contact with my informant."

"So do I." said Brock. "Let me get back to you. The caterers just arrived."

Tanner and Everett walked in pushing carts of food. "Anybody hungry?" asked Tanner.

"It's about bloody time!" said Nessa.

"Everybody wait." said Everett. "We got some more in the truck." He and Tanner walked back towards the truck.

"We're in." said Tanner. "When we get back, we'll scout around and try to find where they're keeping the money. You keep them occupied. Remember, there are celebrities on board. Non-lethal weapons only."

"Got it." said Everett.

On the performance stage, Beck and Blues Traveler set up to play.

"Okay, you guys." said David. "You know what to do."

"Sure we do." said Beck.

"Alright, let's hit it." said John Popper.

Brendan Hill started with a few drum beats. Beck and Chan Kinchla followed on guitar with Chan's brother Tad on bass and Ben Wilson on keyboards. John followed seconds later with his harmonica. Then, Beck started to sing.

**Life's like a road that you travel on.  
Where there's one day here, the next day gone.  
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand,  
sometimes you turn your back to the wind.**

**There's a world outside every darkened door.  
Where blues won't haunt you anymore.  
Where the brave are free and lovers soar.  
Come ride with me to the distant shore.**

**We won't hesitate.  
Break down the garden gate.  
There's not much time left today.**

John joined in.

**Life is a highway.  
I want to ride it all night long.  
If you're going my way.  
I want to drive it all night long.**

John took over vocals.

**Through all the cities and all these towns.  
It's in my blood and it's all around.  
I love you now like I loved you then.  
This is the road and these are the hands.**

**From Mozambique to those Memphis nights,  
the Kyber Pass to Vancouver's lights.  
Knock me down, get back up again.  
You're in my blood, I'm not a lonely man.**

**There's no load I can't hold.  
A road so rough, this I know.  
I'll be there when the light comes in.  
Tell 'em we're survivors.**

Beck rejoined him.

**Life is a highway.  
I want to ride it all night long.  
If you're going my way.  
I want to drive it all night long.**

**Life is a highway.  
I want to ride it all night long.  
If you're going my way.  
I want to drive it all night long.**

Beck went back to the mic.

**There was a distance between you and I.  
A misunderstanding once but now  
we look it in the eye.**

Dring the bridge, John got back on his harmonica. A few seconds later, Beck went back to singing.

**There ain't no load that I can't hold.  
A road so rough, this I know.  
I'll be there when the light comes in.  
Tell 'em we're survivors.**

**Life is a highway.  
I want to ride it all night long.  
If you're going my way.  
I want to drive it all night long.**

**Life is a highway.  
I want to ride it all night long.  
If you're going my way.  
I want to drive it all night long.**

**Life is a highway.  
I want to ride it all night long.  
If you're going my way.  
I want to drive it all night long.**

"Life Is a Highway" by Tom Cochrane

John got back on his harmonica to close out the song. The hosts looked at the monitor and smiled when they saw the Torque JX crossing the bridge to Asia.

XXXXXXXXXX

"(Not much further until we're in Asia.)" said Chen, driving.

"(I'm sure the people in Japan will be happy to see us.)" said Chairman Kaga.

"(I agree.)" said Kobe. "(They might be lining the streets cheering us on.)"

"(I'm sure they will turn out to cheer on the hometown heroes.)" said Kaga. "(We might even draw out some of your former competitors.)"

"(Even the Ohta Faction?)" asked Kobe.

"(Morimoto's not with us, right?)" asked Chen, half-joking. Kaga laughed.

AN:And so it begins.  
So, what did you think?


	5. Asian Invasion

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Chapter Five: Asian Invasion

AN:Sorry for the long wait, but I've been busy.  
There have been a lot of people asking to write the next Cannonball Run, but I'm sorry to tell you the next two are spoken for. Generation X7 has offered to write CR6 and Mustang Driver is up for CR7.  
Speaking of Generation X7, he wrote part of one scene as a preview for CR6. I made a few modifications, but the part mostly appears as he wrote it. I marked off the scene to give credit where credit is due.  
Well, enjoy.

XXXXXXXXXX

"You lost ALL your vehicles?" asked DeMarco.

"Those Cannonballers are something else!" said Korpi over the phone. "We made several attacks and they handled each one easily. We're working on some new plans now."

"They'd better work!" said DeMarco. "What have you got?"

"Paul and Feliz found a weapon of some sort." explained Korpi. "We're going to try to use it as soon as we can figure out what it does and how to use it."

"That's good." said DeMarco. "Get on it immediately."

"We've also checked the race route." said Korpi. "We're going to try to reroute the Cannonballers towards a hostile area."

"I like it." said DeMarco. "Simple, but effective."

"There's just one thing." said Korpi. "We ain't got no wheels."

"No problem." said DeMarco. "I've got a large collection of cars that I've picked up over the years. I anticipated this possibility, ALTHOUGH NOT ON THIS SCALE, and have placed vehicles from my collection around the world. I have also included your Mustang, the Stallion, and a few cars from Lance's shop. They will be delivered to you shortly."

XXXXXXXXXX

"As of now, all of our racers have entered the Asian continent." announced Phil Keoghan. "What new obstacles and dangers will they face? For that, we go to Frankie Whiteside and the Big Schwag."

"Thanks, Phil." said Frankie. "We've heard some rumors of some kind of warlords operating in the area. If the racers encounter them, there could be major trouble."

"Not only that," added Schwag "but many of the drivers have driven this whole way without rest. If they're not careful, driver fatigue can be an issue."

XXXXXXXXXX

Jaleel the Kid was realizing that Schwag was right. After a couple of days on the road, he was getting tired.

He spotted a train station with a departing freight train. He revved up the engine on his bike and headed towards the train.

He hit a hill and jumped onto the back of the train. He screeched to a halt and came face to face with the engineer.

"Where is this train going?" he asked.

"Hong Kong." relied the engineer.

"Thank you." said Kid. He laid down and quickly went to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Meanwhile, we have an interview with one of the teams." said Phil as he stood next to a big screen television. "We have that now."

The television turned on showing Mike Nelson and Gypsy in the backseat of the Emu. Mike was on the passenger side. "Oh, hi." he said.

"Mike Nelson, how is the race going so far?" asked Phil.

"It's going great." said Mike. "There was a little drama earlier when we accidentally cut off the Vice City team. Things got a little calmer after that. Then, we reached Oklahoma and got pulled over by a state trooper. That was kind of tense...until Gypsy ate his ticket book."

"Needed salt." said Gypsy.

"How is Siberia treating you?" asked Phil.

"Okay so far." said Mike. "We've heard of the local highway patrol's reliance on radar and have prepared accordingly. We have dedicated radar detectors in use and Tom is keeping watch over them. Right, Tom?"

The camera pulled back a little to show Tom in the front passenger seat...fast asleep.

"Servo!" yelled Mike as he grabbed Tom's head and shook him awake.

"Wha? Uh?" stammered Tom as he woke up. "I'm awake!"

"Tom, I asked you to keep an eye on the scanners!" yelled Mike. "We can't afford to have you falling asleep right now!"

"I know, Mike!" complained Tom. "I've been up so long, I can barely keep my head up. Maybe if I just get some shut-eye."

"Yeah, that might be a good idea. No!" said Mike. "Tom, you have to stay awake. Repeat after me: I must stay awake! I must stay awake!"

"I must stay awake! I must stay awake!" Mike and Tom said together.

"Good, you've got it." said Mike. "You know, I hope Crow is staying awake since he's driving. Crow, how are you doing?"

The camera panned over to Crow in the driver's seat. His pupils took up half of his eyes and he was trembling so hard, he practically registered on the Richter scale.

"I-I-I-I-I'm doingfinedoingfinereallyreallydoingfinedoingfine!" stammered Crow. "I'mdoingeverythingIcantost-st-stay awake! Coffee! Espresso! D-d-dietpills! Jolt! S-S-S-Surge! MountainDew! Chocolatecoveredcoffeebeans! Reallyreallydoingeverything!"

"I see." said Phil. "Well, I'll let you get back to the race. Good luck."

"Thank you, Phil." said Mike as a Siberian police cruiser pulled up behind the Emu and turned its roof lights on.

"Mike!" yelled Gypsy.

Mike turned around and saw the cruiser. He then turned back to the front seat to discover Tom was asleep again.

"Tom!" he yelled.

Tom woke up immediately. "I'm awake!" he yelled. "What's that sound?"

"It's my HEART!" said Crow as he started to hyperventilate.

"No, Crow!" said Tom. "Don't explode!"

"It's coming!" said Crow.

"Crow, get us out of here!" yelled Mike.

Crow floored the accelerator, hit the nitrous, and yelled "SUUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGE!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"In the meantime, we have a little wager going on between two members of the Cannonball band." said Phil as the Counting Crows' Adam Duritz and Better Than Ezra's Kevin Griffin stood next to him. "So, guys. Tell me about this wager."

"Well, Phil." said Adam. "I've got a bet on the Paris Cop Car and Kevin has a bet on the PT Phoenix."

"The wager goes as follows:" said Kevin "If the Paris Cop Car makes it out of Asia first, the Crows get to perform the song closing out the continent."

"And if the PT Phoenix crosses the bridge first," said Adam "Ezra gets to perform the song."

"And what song is this?" asked Phil.

"'Can't Get There From Here.'" said Adam.

"By R.E.M." said Kevin.

"Thank you." said Phil. "For now, though, we have another musical performance."

On the performance stage, Meat Loaf was setting up with Coldplay.

"Okay, just like we practiced." said Meat.

"Understood." said Chris Martin. "Here we go."

Chris started on the piano. After a few seconds of playing, Meat joined in on vocals.

**The screen door slams.  
Mary's dress waves.  
Like a vision, she dances across the porch,  
as the radio plays.  
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely.  
Hey, that's me and I want you only.  
Don't turn me home again.  
I just can't face myself alone again.**

**Don't run back inside.  
Darling, you know just what I'm here for.  
So, you're scared and you're thinking  
that maybe we ain't that young anymore.  
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night.  
You ain't a beauty, but hey, you're alright.  
Oh, and that's alright with me.**

Guy Berryman, Jon Buckland, and Will Champion joined in at that point.

**You can hide 'neath your covers  
and study your pain.  
Make crosses from your lovers.  
Throw roses in the rain.  
Waste your summer praying in vain  
for a savior to rise from these streets.**

**Well, I'm no hero.  
That's understood.  
All the redemption I can offer girl  
beneath this dirty hood.  
With a chance to make it good somehow.  
Hey, what else can we do now?**

**Except  
roll down the window  
and let the wind blow back your hair.  
Well, the night's busting open.  
These two lanes will take us anywhere.  
We got one last chance to make it real.  
To trade in these wings on some wheels.  
Climb in back.  
Heaven's waiting on down the tracks.**

**Oh oh, come take my hand.  
Riding out tonight to case the promised land.  
Oh oh thunder road.  
Oh thunder road.  
Oh thunder road.**

**Lying out there like a killer in the sun.  
Hey, I know it's late, we can make it if we run.  
Oh thunder road.  
Sit tight, take hold.  
Thunder road.**

**Well, I got this guitar,  
and I learned how to make it talk.  
And my car's out back  
if you're ready to take that long walk.  
From your front porch to my front seat.  
The door's open but the ride ain't free.  
And I know you're lonely.  
For words I ain't spoken.  
But tonight we'll be free.  
All the promises'll be broken.**

**There were ghosts in the eyes  
of all the boys you sent away.  
They haunt this dusty beach road  
in the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets.  
They scream your name at night in the street.  
Your graduation gown lies in rags at your feet.  
And in the lonely cool before dawn,  
you hear their engines roaring on.  
But when you get to the porch they're gone.  
On the wind, so Mary climb in.  
It's a town full of losers  
and I'm pulling out of here to win.**

"Thunder Road" by Bruce Springsteen

"Okay, viewers." said Phil. "I invite you to continue watching because there's more to come. For the Cannonball Run, I'm Phil Keoghan."

Phil walked off the stage and passed David Spade.

"I get the next one." said David.

"You've got it." said Phil as he approached the catering table.

"I don't know if you've heard, but the racers have entered Asia." said Tom Everett.

"I also heard some of the officials talking." said Tanner. "Around the halfway point, they're going to move the base of operations to another location which will serve as the finish line."

"I think we're going to have to work fast." said Everett.

"Right." said Tanner. "I'll snoop around. You man the fort."

"Roger." said Everett. "I read you loud and clear."

Tanner walked away as Phil walked up to the table. "Are you serving lunch yet?" asked Phil.

"Yes." said Everett. "What would you like?"

"I'd like a roast beef sandwich, please." said Phil.

"Don't have it." said Everett.

"Okay, I'd like a roast turkey on Italian, then." said Phil.

Everett leaned closer to Phil and said "DON'T...have it. No, I think you'll be having the number seven, the cheese and peppers omelette."

"Sounds...appetizing." said Phil.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Korea...

"This looks like a good place to get some food." said Super Dave. He pulled into a small roadside store and he and Fuji exited the car.

Super Dave and Fuji walked into the store and started looking around for food. Fuji went straight for the deli.

"Super Dave!" yelled someone. Super Dave looked to see Gonzo and Fozzie approaching.

"The Muppets!" said Super Dave. "I bet this race is an amazing experience for you."

"Not as amazing as meeting you." said Gonzo. "It's so incredible to meet such a big name among daredevils."

"Oh, thanks." said Super Dave. "Back atcha."

"Super." said Fuji as he walked over.

"Oh, guys." said Super Dave. "This is my stunt co-ordinator, Fuji Akihito. Fuji, meet Gonzo the Great and Fozzie Bear."

"Pleased to meet you." said Fuji. "Super, I had a little trouble with our food orders. My Korean's a little rusty. The order was..."

Super Dave started waving his hands to get Fuji to shut up.

"...two hot chicken sandwiches, a box of chicken nuggets, an order of chicken fingers, three chicken salads, and five cold chicken sandwiches."

Super Dave stopped waving his hands and turned to the Muppets. Fozzie was covering his mouth with his hands and Gonzo's mouth hung open in shock.

"Look, I can explain." said Super Dave.

"YOU MONSTER!" yelled Gonzo. "Those are my lovelies!"

"Sorry!" said Super Dave.

"That's it!" said Gonzo. "No more Mr. Nice Weirdo! I challenge you to...a daredevil race!"

Fozzie gasped. Super Dave cast a glare at Fuji.

"Sorry, Super." said Fuji.

"To the cars!" said Gonzo.

Outside, Kermit and Animal waited by the Modicum.

"Uh, Kermit?" asked Fozzie. "What if one of us were to initiate a challenge with another racer and need the car for that challenge?"

"If you want to use the car, just ask." said Kermit.

"Uh, okay." said Fozzie. "Gonzo, Kermit says you have to ask."

"Kermit, I need the car." said Gonzo.

"I don't even want to know." said Kermit.

XXXXXXXXXX

"And then he tells us 'Be seeing you.' and drives off." said Peter Venkman.

"That's just crazy." said Egon over the communicator. "How's the car running?"

"Incredibly." said Winston. "We're making great time."

"Have you tried the Ecto-Booster yet?" asked Egon.

"What's that?" asked Louis.

"It's a device I rigged up to increase the speed of the Ecto-1." said Egon. "It runs off the same principle of the proton packs."

"So, why isn't it in the Ecto-1?" asked Peter.

"It's still in the experimental stage." said Egon.

"So, you put it in a Porsche?" asked Louis.

"The Ecto-1 is like family." said Egon.

"Want us to test it?" asked Peter.

"How?" asked Winston.

Just then, the Jersey XS passed them.

"Ask and you shall receive." said Winston.

"That was the Ghostbusters we just passed." said Perfect Tommy.

"Looks like they weren't 'fraid of no losing." said Sydney.

"Don't get overconfident, they're coming up." said Buckaroo.

Peter accelerated until he was right next to the Jersey XS. Once there, he thumbed his nose at Team Banzai.

"Immature, isn't he?" asked Sydney.

"I think he wants to race." said Buckaroo. He returned a nod. A second later, the cars took off racing.

The Modo Prego took an early lead.

"See ya 'round, doctor." said Peter.

"Activating Hyperthruster." said Buckaroo. "Three...two...one...sayanora."

The Jersey XS's headlights went yellow and the car jumped to super speed.

"Wow, that's handy." said Louis.

"Let's see how this Ecto-Booster works." said Peter. He found the switch for it and pressed it.

The Modo Prego was bathed in a blue force field and took off like a shot.

"What the hell?" asked Perfect Tommy. "He's catching up with us!"

"You can tune your car to perfection, but there's sooner or later going to be another car that's faster." said Buckaroo.

AN:Starting here, this scene is written by GenerationX7 with a few modifications.

Down the road, ZAFT Gundam pilot Athrun Zala was behind the wheel of a black 1970 Chevy Impala. His three war buddies Nicol Amalfi, Dearka Elsman and Yzak Joule were in the car with him.

"So, how do you like our R&R, guys?" asked Athrun.

"No Naturals to kill, no Archangel to try to destroy, and certainly no Strike Gundam foiling our plans to get rid of the Archangel?" asked Dearka. "I'm definitely enjoying this."

"Buckaroo, watch this guy!" said Sydney.

Buckaroo almost didn't see the Impala in time. He swerved around it at the last second. Unfortunately, he still caused Athrun to lose control. Peter barely missed him as well.

"Hang on!" yelled Athrun.

The Impala did a few doughnuts on the road. Nicol, Dearka and Yzak screamed. Finally, Athrun managed to regain control and stop the car.

"What the hell was that?" asked Yzak.

"Fast speed? Not slowing down?" said Athrun. "I think that was a Cannonball Run vehicle."

"The Cannonball Run?" said Dearka. "What the hell is the Cannonball Run?"

"A race that will take racers around the world. Winner receives a big cash prize." said Nicol.

"Did you say big cash prize?" asked Yzak.

"Yep, this year it's $250 million dollars." said Athrun

"You guys know what we can do with that money right?" asked Dearka.

"I could retire to the tropics!" said Yzak.

"I could buy my own house in the PLANTs and settle down with Lacus." said Athrun.

"I could start my own orchestra with that." said Nicol.

"I'm just gonna quit ZAFT and buy myself a mansion." said Dearka. "Screw this war! We could enter the Cannonball Run next year and make the big bucks!"

"YEAH!" they all shouted.

AN:And that's where GenerationX7's contribution ends.

"Peter, I really think you should shut this thing off." said Louis.

"Yeah, we almost killed those guys." said Winston.

"So? If they come back from the dead, we can handle them." said Peter. "Alright, I'll shut it down."

"He appears to shutting down his speed booster." said Sydney.

"I think we should shut ours down as well." said Buckaroo. "Don't want to risk that again."

The Hyperthruster and Ecto-Booster were shut down. The two cars pulled up to the next stoplight and the drivers rolled down their windows.

"Hey, Buckaroo!" called Peter. "You alright?"

"Yeah." said Buckaroo. "That was something I'd rather not experience again."

"Same here." said Peter. "How about we agree that we don't use these again unless there's an emergency?"

"Agreed." said Buckaroo.

"Well, I'll see you later." said Peter. "Drive carefully."

"Thanks." said Buckaroo. "And remember: wherever you go, there you are."

XXXXXXXXXX

Kermit and Super Dave pulled up to a spot in the road and stopped. Fuji climbed out of the Alarde and Kermit, Fozzie, and Animal climbed out of the Modicum. Gonzo climbed into the Modicum's driver's seat.

"Okay, here's the details on the race." said Gonzo. "We start here, then drive down this hill. Then, it's right at the next corner, up that hill, around the turn at the top of the hill, then down the hill and over that jump." He pointed to a jump ramp on the other side of the river. "The one who jumps the farthest wins. How does that sound?"

"I accept, but I think you should have a ten second head start." said Super Dave. "That way, there's less chance of a disaster."

"Okay." said Gonzo.

The two revved their engines. Their teammates cheered them on.

"Go, Gonzo, go!" cheered Fozzie.

"Come on, Super!" cheered Fuji. "You can do it!"

"GONZO! GONZO!" cheered Animal.

Kermit dropped his hand and Gonzo took off. Gonzo drove down the hill at high speed. Ten seconds after he started, Super Dave followed.

Gonzo cheered maniacally as he raced up the hill. Super Dave glared with determination as he followed.

Gonzo let out a "WHEEEEE!" as he rounded the turn and started down the hill.

"Here he comes!" said Fozzie.

Gonzo hit the ramp just as Super Dave rounded the turn at the top of the hill. Gonzo flew over the river and landed nose-first in the mud at the river's side. The car pitched forward and Gonzo was ejected from the vehicle. He flew through the air squealing with delight, then crashed into the side of the hill.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." he said.

Super Dave raced down the hill and hit the ramp. The Alarde flew over the river and landed on the hill just above Gonzo. It was then that Super Dave realized he was heading for the edge of an embankment and hit the brakes. He came to a stop at the very top of the embankment.

"I think I just won." he said.

Fuji ran over to the Alarde's passenger side and said "Super! You did it! You won!"

"Gonzo, are you alright?" asked Kermit.

"I'll let you know after I get myself reassembled." said Gonzo.

"I think I'll go over there and congratulate him for his efforts." said Super Dave as he opened the door.

"That would be nice." said Fuji.

Super Dave stepped out of the car and fell down the embankment...the fifty foot embankment...the fifty foot ROCKY embankment screaming all the way.

Fuji looked down the embankment in horror. Super Dave just yelled "Oh, new pain!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in the mountains of Japan, Dominic, Memphis, and Jesse had stopped to get snacks.

Jesse sat on the hood of the Bestia and pushed on the control arm for the supercharger's intake valves. "All I want is the oil!" he said in a scary voice. "Just walk away and I'll spare your lives! Just walk away!"

"If you break that, you're fixing it!" said Dominic.

"That'll take what? Two minutes?" replied Jesse.

Memphis returned with the snacks. "Okay, guys." he said. "I found some kind of candy. I hope you enjoy."

Jesse and Dominic each took a piece of candy.

"What flavor is this?" asked Jesse. "I can't read Japanese."

"There's one way to find out." said Dominic as he ripped open the package and took a bite out of the candy. He spit it out a second later and hit the fender of a yellow RX-7. "Watermelon! I hate watermelon!"

"What did you do that for?" yelled a man. Apparently, he was the RX-7's driver.

"Sorry, I didn't see it there." said Dominic.

"You're sorry?" replied the driver. "Do you have any idea how much work went into this car?"

"Jeesh!" said Memphis as he took a bite of his candy. "It's just a car! Who do you think you are?"

"Me? I am the master racer of the Akagi Red Suns!" said the driver. "My name is Keisuke Takahashi, but you may call me K.T!"

"Alright, Katie." said Jesse.

"Are you mocking me?" asked K.T.

"Dude, chill!" said Dominic. "Look, this is my bad. I'll take care of this."

"Very well." said K.T. "I'll race you down the mountain."

"You're on." said Dominic.

The drivers took to their cars. Dominic was driving the Bestia with Jesse in the front and Memphis in back. K.T. climbed into his RX-7.

Seconds later, both cars had been started and pulled up to the starting line. Another man ran out in front of the two cars and held up his hands. A couple of seconds later, he dropped them and the race was on.

Both cars were running neck and neck until the first bend. At that point, K.T. took the lead. They raced to a hairpin turn a little distance away. Both K.T. and Dominic took it with little trouble.

"Come on, pass him!" said Memphis.

"I'm trying!" said Dominic. "He keeps cutting me off!"

They went into the next turn. Dominic managed to take the turn tighter than K.T. and took a small lead.

"Alright, floor it!" said Jesse.

K.T. got back on the gas and passed Dominic.

"I said 'floor it'!" said Jesse.

The cars went into the next turn and almost touched.

"Come on, I should know that car's weaknesses!" said Dominic. "I drive one back home!"

"All I know is that the stock security system is easy to defeat." said Memphis. "And it fetches a decent price."

"I know that you really shouldn't make one into a sand rail." said Jesse.

"I've got it." said Dominic as he took another turn. "NOS."

"Use it on the straightaway." said Memphis.

The two cars took the next turn and ended up on a straightaway.

"Hit it!" yelled Memphis. Jesse flashed an Ozzy salute.

Dominic hit his nitrous switch. The Bestia rocketed past K.T. and took the lead.

"Yeah!" yelled Dominic.

Dominic and K.T. hit a few more turns, but Dominic held his lead. They ended up winning by a car length.

Dominic parked and K.T. pulled alongside him.

"I can't believe I lost to a gaijin!" said K.T. "You are truly a remarkable racer. I'll let you go, but don't spit on my car again."

"You're not too bad yourself." said Dominic. "Now, if you don't mind, I've got a bigger race to run."

"Farewell, chromedome." said K.T.

"Adios, Katie." said Jesse.

As the team drove off, Memphis said "You know, I just thought of something. Japanese street racers don't use nitrous oxide."

"Yeah, think we should tell him..." asked Jesse before Dominic covered his mouth.

"Shut up about the secret weapon." said Dominic.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Tokyo, the Torque JX rolled down the R246 to a hero's welcome. "Iron Chef" fans lined the street and cheered as the car drove along.

"(They seem to have been expecting us.)" said Chen.

"(We seem to be getting a lot of favor from them.)" said Kobe.

"(Stop the car.)" said Kaga.

Chen stopped the car. Kaga and the two Iron Chefs climbed out. The crowd cheered.

"(People of Tokyo!)" said Kaga. "(I would like to thank you for turning out to cheer us on! It means much when so many people show up to give support for me and my Iron Chefs! I thank you for your enthusiasm!)"

The crowd cheered some more, then a woman in a hooded cloak walked up with a box.

"Kaga-san," she said "as a gift from a huge fan, I would like to present this box."

"Arigato." said the Chairman as he received the box.

"(Something is not right.)" said Chen. "(The presenter was not Japanese, yet is presenting the gift in Tokyo?)"

"(Perhaps she traveled all this way.)" said Kobe. "(Remember, our show is watched in many other countries.)"

"(Yes, but we will be traveling to those countries.)" said Chen. "(She could have presented the gift there.)"

"(You have a point.)" said Kobe. "(Chairman!)"

Quickly understanding what he meant, Kaga stepped on the woman's cloak. When she took a step back, the cloak was ripped off. She was none other than Linda, one of Mitzi's girls. The crowd gasped (most likely because of how she was dressed).

"I see." said Kaga as he set the box down on the roof of the car. "Tell me, what is in the box?"

"Something to take you out of the race permanently." said Linda.

"(It's a bomb!)" said the Chairman. The crowd screamed. Kaga added "(If there are any members of the Tokyo PD bomb squad in attendance, I ask you to please assist us!)"

"Just try to get near it." said Mitzi as she jumped out of the crowd with the rest of her girls.

"(This could be a problem.)" said Chen.

Approaching from the north, the MIB were picking up some odd readings on their systems.

"What's up?" asked Mulder.

"Something's registering on the scope." said K.

"Can we get a visual?" asked J.

"Let's see." said K as he started pushing buttons. Soon, an image of the girls came up on their monitor.

"Now, there's an alien invasion I wouldn't mind facing." said Mulder.

"Oh God, not them!" said K.

"What's wrong?" asked J.

"You'll find out." said K.

The girls were easily and quickly preventing the bomb squad from reaching the Iron Chefs. Every time a bomb squad member came close, one of the girls knocked him back with a martial arts maneuver.

"(We might have to disarm this bomb ourselves!)" said Chen.

"(What do you want me to do?)" asked Kobe. "(Make it into lasagna?)"

"Help is on the way!" said J as the Lusso XT raced onto the scene. He screeched to a halt and the agents jumped out.

"Here come the MIBs." said Kobe.

"Don't you mean the SOBs?" asked Mitzi.

"Mitzi, how many times do we have to tell you Earth is off limits to you?" asked K.

"How many times do we have to tell you we don't care?" asked Mia.

"Agent K, the smartass girl is giving you lip." said J.

"I can see that." said K. "I think it's time to teach this lass a lesson. Mulder, trunk."

Mulder opened the trunk and let out a low whistle. He pulled out a pair of futuristic looking weapons and handed them to the MIBs.

"Hey, guys." said J. "Any help would be appreciated."

"Understood." said Kaga. "Can you do something about this bomb?"

"No way, man." said J.

"I can do it." said Mulder.

"Something's coming up on the sensors." said K.

"Try to figure it out." said J.

"You're wasting your time...and ours." said Nichole.

"Oh yeah?" asked J. "Your time to do what?"

"To stop the race and get revenge on those two wastoids." said Kim.

"Who are you talking about?" asked J. "The guys in the orange Renault?"

"Yes." said Mia. "Wait, did we just share too much?"

"Yeah, and it looks like we have to stop you." said J.

"Really?" asked Mitzi. "Try to stop this."

Mitzi and her cohorts grouped together and started to merge together. Then, the merged form grew into a giant woman.

"(I did not see that coming.)" said Kobe.

"You wouldn't know how to contact that Godzilla dude by any chance?" asked J.

"Agent J, guess what I found in the Iron Chefs' car?" said K.

"Is it my toothbrush?" asked J. "You know, because I forgot to bring it."

"No, it's oregano." said K. "It happens to be a substance that these ladies are quite allergic to."

"You wouldn't dare." said the giant woman.

"Kobe-san, would you mind if we used your oregano?" asked K.

"Go ahead." said Kobe.

K picked up the oregano, but Kobe stopped him.

"Wait, I have to prepare it first." said Kobe. He took the oregano, ground it in a bowl, and gave it back to K.

"Thank you." said K as he loaded the oregano into his blaster.

With that, the giant woman ended her attack. The people of Tokyo cheered at the end of the battle.

"Nice find, K." said J.

"I knew there was no way we could defeat them straight up, so we needed some strategy." said K.

"Wait a second." said Kobe. "This isn't oregano! It's parsley!"

"And that was the strategy." said K.

"Should we neuralize all these people?" asked J.

"Nah." said K. "It would blow out the battery."

"Okay, the bomb's taken care of." said Mulder as he walked over with Chen and Chairman Kaga. Suddenly, there was a loud explosion. Everyone looked to see a smouldering crater between the Torque JX and Lusso XT.

"You couldn't defuse it, could you?" said J.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in China...

"Where are we going?" asked Jarod as he looked over the map.

"I'd like to help, but I was built without GPS." said Johnny Five.

"Maybe this guy can help." said Jarod as they came upon a man standing next to a sign reading 'This way to Hong Kong.'

Johnny pulled up next to the man and asked "Excuse me, is this sign correct?"

"Absolutely it is." said the man. "This is a shortcut will take you right through Chinese territory. The Chinese highway patrol is notoriously harsh on speeders."

"Who are you?" asked Jarod.

"I'm a race official." said the man. "Brock sent me. By the way, you'd better hurry. Three other teams have been through here."

"How long ago?" asked Jarod.

"Let's see." said the man. "The red RX-7 came through maybe ten minutes ago..."

"Thanks, we'll be on our way." said Johnny Five.

The Vortex 5 took off and the man looked up with a sly smile. He took out his cel phone and called someone. "Lance? It's Johnny."

"Go ahead, Johnny." said Lance.

"The detour is working." said Johnny B. "I've been here only an hour and I've already sent four cars into the trap."

"Good work." said Lance.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I'd like to know how the Crown Mail is doing!" said Jezz Torrent from Love Fist.

"Let's see." said Chloe as she went to the computer. "The Crown Mail is currently running in eighth."

"What about the Fripon X?" asked Willy, the band's drummer.

"Fripon X isn't doing too bad." said Chloe. "Currently, it's somewhere in the area of Beijing."

"How about the Saikou XS?" asked guitarist Percy.

Chloe checked the computer and quickly got confused. She checked it again and got more confused. "Good question." she said.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky, Wario and his team were having a party in the cabin. Visitors were enjoying snacks and drinks. Pop music was playing over the stereo. The guests were talking to each other.

"So, you girls come here often?" asked Bowser.

The two girls he was talking to laughed, turned, and walked away.

"Fine, leave!" shouted Bowser.

Elsewhere in the living room, Wario was playing a game on the Gamecube. Waluigi and several guests were watching.

"Mario and I go way back." said Wario as he maneuvered Mario through a series of traps.

Wario stopped and a trap crushed Mario.

"I thought you said you were good at this game?" said a girl who was watching.

"I am." said Wario.

XXXXXXXXXX

"What about the Monstruo?" asked Love Fist bassist Dick.

"One second." said Chloe as she went to her computer. She found the Monstruo. She then double-checked. "Oh God." she said, then got up and ran to Brock's office.

Brock was talking with Schwag and Frankie. "We seem to getting some resistance from a drug dealer in Miami." said Brock. "Mr. X's source managed to get in contact with him. We now have more information on..."

Chloe ran into the office. "Mr. Yates!" she yelled. "We have a problem!"

"What kind of problem?" asked Brock.

"A few teams are being rerouted towards a hostile area." said Chloe. "I remember it from CTU briefings."

"What's wrong with said area?" asked Frankie.

"Well..." said Chloe.

Out at the caterer's table, Nessa was getting a salad from Everett.

"Italian or thousand island?" asked Everett.

"Italian, but not too much." said Nessa.

"Say when." said Everett as he started to pour.

"YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" yelled Schwag from Brock's office. He made Everett spill the rest of the salad dressing on Nessa's salad.

"When." said Nessa.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I think we may be lost." said Ethan.

"I thought there was something odd about that official." said Snake.

"Hey, there's a couple of other cars." said Ethan. The Zender Alpha and Schneller V8 were ahead of them.

Ethan pulled alongside the two. "What's going on?" asked Snake.

"I'm not sure." said Lara. "Some guy said this was the best way to Hong Kong and now we're lost."

"Where are we going?" asked Ethan.

"I have no idea." said Corvax.

"Look." said Cate. The three cars were approaching an imposing looking compound. Turrets with gatling guns and giant bunkers guarded the entrance they were driving into.

The cars pulled into the main courtyard. The buildings in the courtyard looked like something out of a sci-fi film. All around were bizarre-looking military vehicles, monsterous creatures, and dangerous-looking men, several of whom looked exactly alike.

The cars stopped. Everyone inside climbed out and looked around. "Where are we?" asked Chun Li.

The Vortex 5 pulled in behind them.

"I wish I knew." said Lara.

"Snake, I know where we are." said Ethan.

"Me too." said Snake. "But where is the guy?"

Jarod and Johnny Five got out of the Vortex 5. Johnny Five said in a girl's voice "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

The men and creatures surrounded the racers, looking like they were going to inflict serious harm.

Just then, another man who looked exactly like many of the others, only better dressed, walked in. "Greetings." he said in a Russian accent.

"Yuri." said Snake.

"I see the legendary Solid Snake recognizes me." said Yuri. "Welcome to my fortress, Cannonballers. I hope you enjoy your stay because it will be quite lengthy. We hope to recruit some of you or all of you to be soldiers in my grand army."

"And just how do you plan to do that?" asked Chun Li.

Yuri gave Chun Li a look and put his fingers to his forehead. Suddenly, Chun Li turned to Lara, put her hands together, pushed forward, and said "Kikoken!" A fireball shot from Chun Li's hands towards Lara, who barely made it out of the way in time.

"Sorry." said Chun Li.

"That was just a sample of my abilities." said Yuri. "Just wait until I show you the full scale."

"Whoa, wait!" said Ethan. "Surely, you realize there are many more Cannonballers out there. Many of them could prove to be ample additions to your army. If you hurry, you can probably catch them. We're not going anywhere. Your base defenses make sure of that."

"I recognize your intention of trying to save your skin." said Yuri. "However, I realize your words have truth to them. I will organize an effort to recruit many of your opponents, then come back for you."

Yuri turned to leave and said "Prepare a squad of troops to capture as many Cannonballers as possible. And that robot..." he added as he pointed to Johnny Five. "...have a group of engineers disassemble it for research."

Johnny Five immediately got scared. "Disassembled?" he said. "DISASSEMBLED?" He raced off flailing his arms yelling "No disassemble! No disassemble!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Oh, come on!" yelled Nash as he pulled up to the fork in the road. Several Cannonballers were lined up behind the ice cream truck where Shaggy and Scooby Doo were arguing with Johnny B. Beavis and Butthead were watching.

"All I'm asking for is identification!" said Shaggy.

"Rah! Rirentification!" said Scooby.

"Rah, rirentification! Heh heh!" said Beavis.

"I forgot it!" said Johnny B. "Jeeze!"

Nash, Joe, and Monk climbed out of the Paris Cop Car and walked over to Marge Simpson.

"Marge, what's going on?" asked Nash.

"The man next to the sign says he's an official and the route he's pointing out is a safe way through China." she said. "Unfortunately, Shaggy didn't trust him and the man won't show him any I.D."

"Thanks." said Nash. "By the way, where's your husband?"

"He's in our car." said Richard Parker. "He's currently locked in a staring contest with Bernie.

In the Ascent 470ds, Homer stared into Bernie's eyes. A few seconds later, he blinked and yelled "D'oh!" He started over. He stared into Bernie's eyes. He blinked a few seconds later and yelled "D'oh!"

Nash walked over to Johnny B and Shaggy and said "Okay, what seems to be the problem?"

"I'm trying to send these guys on the correct road and they're holding up the line." said Johnny B.

"Where does this road go?" asked Joe.

"The road goes through the Ural Mountains, around Tibet, and straight on to Hong Kong." said Johnny B.

"He said 'Urinal' mountains." said Butthead.

"Excuse us." said Nash. He turned to Joe and Monk and said "Okay, something's wonky here. What do you think?"

"It sounds tempting." said Joe. "I'd take it if the circumstances weren't so suspicious."

"Nash, this man is lying." said Monk. "The Ural Mountains are on the other side of the continent."

"Sounds good to me." said Nash. He went back to Johnny B and said "Okay, why don't you come clean?"

"About what?" asked Johnny B.

"Well, for starters," said Nash as a ratcheting sound was heard "you can tell us who you're working for and why you're sending us down a bogus shortcut."

"I told you I'm working for the race officials." said Johnny B. "And this shortcut is legit."

"Really?" said Nash. "So, you won't mind if we take this other road and work something out at the next town."

"It's your funeral." said Johnny B.

"Well, if you say so." said Nash as he patted Johnny B on the side. "Alright, guys. The shortcut is bad! Follow me and we'll work something out."

Johnny B tried to walk after them and was pulled back when he discovered what the ratcheting sound was: Nash had handcuffed him to the sign. He tried to get the cuffs free, but to no avail.

"Hey!" he yelled. "Get me out of here!"

"Nice knowing you, whatever your name is." said Nash as he opened the door to the Paris Cop Car.

"You just wait!" yelled Johnny B as he reached into his pocket. "I got friends! I'm gonna..." He stopped when he realized what he was looking for wasn't in there.

"Looking for this?" asked Nash as he held up Johnny B's cel phone. He then tossed the phone off to the side and got into the Paris Cop Car. He started it and drove off. The Cannonballers followed.

XXXXXXXXXX

Several troops and vehicles moved out of Yuri's fortress. Not far away, the Highway Hunters sat in their new cars and watched.

"Hey, DeMarco." said Korpi over his cel phone. He was sitting in the Stallion with Darden. "Thanks for the new cars."

"Thought you'd like 'em." said DeMarco. "Just to be clear, the Corvair is called Tampa, the Ranchero is called Picador, the Skyline is called Sultan, and you remember the Stallion."

"Nice to have it back." said Darden.

"So, what's going on?" asked DeMarco.

"The rerouting we set up? It worked." reported Korpi. "Four cars are now at Yuri's fortress and Yuri is going out to capture as many more as he can."

"Excellent." said DeMarco. "Keep an eye on the action. I want to know what happens. By the way, is Paulie looking over the instructions for that doohicky he and Feliz found?"

"Yeah." said Korpi. "Yeah, he is. I'll keep you posted."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Why did you tell Yuri about the other Cannonballers?" yelled Cate.

"I had to." said Ethan. "He was about to turn us into his mind-controlled slaves."

"You saw what he made me do." said Chun Li. "Imagine what we'd do if it wasn't a demonstration."

"In any case, we have to try to stop him." said Snake. "Since we can't leave the base, we're going to have to perform some sabotage."

"Right." said Joanna. "Cate and I will knock out his base defenses. If he can't defend against invaders, he'll have to call off the attack."

"If his radar is taken out, he's also open for attack." said Ethan. "Snake and I will go after that."

"Sounds like a plan." said Lara.

"Let's go." said Cate.

XXXXXXXXXX

"NO DISASSEMBLE! NO DISASSEMBLE!" yelled Johnny Five as he rolled around one of Yuri's buildings flailing his arms.

He rolled into a hallway and saw an engineer walking towards him. "Relax, it's not going to hurt." said the engineer.

Johnny tried to retreat, but another engineer was behind him. "Open wide." he said.

"What are you doing?" asked Jarod as he entered the hallway.

"We're taking this robot to be disassembled and studied." said the engineer.

"Well, if you want to risk a meltdown." said Jarod.

"What are you talking about?" asked the engineer.

"Apparently, Yuri didn't bother to ask me for I.D." said Jarod. "I'm Jarod Fermi, nuclear power specialist. I was called because there is a system malfunction in the base's reactor. Unfortunately, my arrival coincided with that of those Cannonballers and, wouldn't you know it, guilt by association."

"What about the robot?" asked the engineer.

"That's my inspection unit." said Jarod. "He's programmed with an advanced artificial intelligence system to make it easier to work with him. He tends to get a little jumpy every now and then."

Johnny jumped up and down a few times.

"The main control room is a couple of halls over." said the engineer. "Sorry for the mix-up."

"Don't worry about it." said Jarod.

The engineers left.

"I didn't know you could jump like that." said Jarod.

"My sister is a lowrider." said Johnny.

"Come on, let's try to find that control room." said Jarod. "If we shut down the power, we can escape more easily."

Outside, one of Yuri's troops prepared his Gatling Tank for battle. While he was looking over a circuit panel, he looked up and saw the T-X standing in front of him. "I like your tank." she said. She extended an antenna from her finger and stuck it to the circuit board.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Are you telling me the Cannonballers are in danger from a former Soviet commando with psychic powers?" asked Brock.

"That's about the size of it." said Chloe.

"Ai-yi-yi." moaned Brock. "It's times like these I wish I still had that MG."

"Brock!" yelled Danny as he ran into the office. "I took over Chloe's workstation after she came up here."

"You WHAT?" said Chloe.

"Look, no one was using it and we had to find out the status of the racers." said Danny.

"Well, next time ask first!" yelled Chloe.

"Well, next time stick around so I CAN ask!" yelled Danny.

"Guys!" yelled Brock. "There will be time for this later. Danny, what did you find out?"

"About a dozen and a half Cannonballers have gathered in a Chinese village to protect themselves." said Danny.

Brock sighed with relief. "Finally, some good news." he said.

"It's not all good." said Danny. "Another half dozen are about to face a squadron of troops."

"I think I'm having a relapse." said Brock.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Look at this maroon." said Bugs when he saw one of Yuri's Lasher tanks ahead of him. "Right in the middle of the road."

"Let me take careof it." said Daffy as he climbed out of the Crusero's window. "Hey, what's going on here?" he asked.

The Lasher tank turned its cannon until it was pointing directly at Daffy's face. Daffy looked away and squeaked "Mother!"

The cannon fired. When the smoke cleared, Daffy's tongue was hanging out of his mangled and fire-blackened beak, his feathers were messed up, and his baseball cap was fire-blackened and torn up. He quickly shook his head and repaired the damage. "I dare you to try that again!" he said.

The cannon fired again. This time, his beak was blown onto the back of his head. He grabbed it and repositioned it on his face. "You're despicable." he said.

Bugs floored the accelerator and raced around the Lasher tank. He then got on the radio and yelled "Hurry, guys! Hurry! Run for the hills or you'll be up to your armpits in soldiers!"

Yuri's soldiers came out of hiding as the Cannonballers raced for perceived safety.

**Let's go.**

**When two tribes go to war,  
a point is all that you can score.  
(Let's go to war. Let's go to war)  
When two tribes go to war,  
a point is all that you can score.  
(Working for the black gas.)**

A group of Lasher tanks and Gatling Tanks approached the Saikou.

"Mama mia!" yelled Luigi.

"No problem!" said Link. "Check it out!"

He opened the backseat and revealed a treasure chest.

Mario opened the chest and took out a Starman. "Just what we need." he said.

Mario threw the Starman at the dashboard and the car started flashing yellow. Luigi drove towards the tanks and knocked them out of the way when he ran into them.

**Cowboy number one,  
a born-again poor man's son.  
(Poor man's son, yeah)  
On the air America,  
I modeled shirts by Van Heusen.  
(Working for the black gas)  
Yeah.**

**When two tribes go to war,  
a point is all that you can score.  
(Let's go to war. Let's go to war)  
When two tribes go to war,  
a point is all that you can score.  
(Working for the black gas.)**

A Brute started to go after the RSMC 15.

"What a mess." said Knuckles.

"I got this one." said Sonic.

He jumped out of the car and ran towards the Brute. As soon as the Brute caught sight of him, it tried to grab him. Sonic ran around the Brute while it turned to try to pick him up. Quickly, it got dizzy and fell over.

Sonic returned to the car and jumped back in. "Big and dumb." he said.

**Switch off your shield.  
Switch off and feel.  
I'm working on loving.  
Yeah.  
Giving you back the good times.  
Ship it out.  
Out.  
I'm working for the black gas.**

A Chaos Drone approached the L.A. Cop Car.

"Trouble." said Marcus.

"No trouble." said Regis. He leaned out the window and aimed the shotgun at the Chaos Drone. He pulled the trigger.

"click"

Regis looked scared. "Run!" he yelled.

**Tell the world that you're winning.  
Love and life, love and life.  
Listen to the voice and follow me.  
Listen to the voice and follow me.**

**When two tribes go to war,  
a point is all that you can score.  
When two tribes go to war,  
a point is all that you can score.**

A Mastermind tank targeted the Fripon X. Inside, Malcolm grabbed his head in pain.

"My head!" he groaned. "They're attacking my mind!"

In the Bryanston V, Bernard dropped the map and said "Another geek is in trouble!"

"How do you know?" asked Ben.

"The Force!" said Bernard.

**We've got two tribes.  
We've got the bomb.  
we've got the bomb.  
Yeah.  
Sock it to me biscuits now.**

**Are we living in a land  
where sex and horror  
are the new Gods?  
Yeah.**

"Okay, I'm sure that's the vehicle that's attacking Malcolm." said Bernard as he looked at the Mastermind.

"Let's hit it!" said Ben.

**When two tribes go to war,  
a point is all that you can score.**

"Two Tribes" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood

"The kid in the Volkswagen is almost under control." said the Mastermind's commander as he poked his head out of the hatch.

"Sir, we have an incoming projectile!" said the driver.

"What?" said the commander. He turned in the direction of the projectile to see Max flying towards him. Max tackled the commander and slipped into the tank. The tank shook around and eventually self-destructed. Max ran away from the bewildered tank crew and returned to the Bryanston V.

"You alright?" asked Reese.

"Yeah, I think so." said Malcolm.

"Good." said Reese. Then he punched Malcolm in the arm.

The six cars raced off, leaving Yuri's army in ruins.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Chinese village, various teams gathered in a restaurant to work out a plan.

"How long have we been here?" asked George Newman.

"Twenty minutes." said Kuni. "Time's wasting."

"Yeah." said George. Suddenly, a cat jumped up on his table. After a moment of hesitation, he gave the cat a petting.

"Okay, teams. Listen up." said Nash. "I have received word that a local madman has been informed of our presence and is looking to capture some of the racers. That means you will most likely be subject to whatever torture he has planned."

All of the racers looked at him in silence.

"And you will most likely not finish the race." said Nash.

Then, everyone started to talk at once.

"People! People!" said Nash. "It is only imperitive that we somehow come up with a plan to protect ourselves from this madman. If any of us were to fall victim to his plans, it would be a tragedy. So, does anybody have any ideas?"

"Maybe we can put on a comedy show." said Bobby Hill. "Then, he wouldn't attack us."

"Maybe we can call in an airstrike." said James Bond.

"I think we should ward them off with Lisa's sax playing." said Bart Simpson.

"Bart!" yelled Lisa.

"Hey, this is a serious issue!" said Nash. "I'm looking for a serious solution!"

"I've got an idea." said Cary Ford. "Let's form a convoy. Twenty something pairs of eyes to look for enemies are sure to be better than two."

"There!" said Nash. "Hear that? Ford has a better idea!"

"How about we stay together until a time when we're certain the threat has passed?" asked Buffy.

"Sounds reasonable." said Nash.

"And better than letting this madman get us." said Larry Wilson.

"I support this convoy suggestion." said Rob Zombie.

"What do you think, George?" asked Nash. He looked towards George and saw him wearing sunglasses and holding the cat while stroking it. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"I asked you to come here out of respect for the family." said George in his best Godfather voice.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ethan and Snake snuck through the base's psychic radar station.

"How did Yuri know we were in the race?" asked Snake.

"He's psychic." said Ethan. "He read our minds."

"The racers are somewhere in Asia at this moment." announced David Spade. "Unfortunately, we do not have any information as to who is in the lead due to conflicting reports. We should have a definite answer soon, so stay tuned."

Ethan and Snake followed the voice and traced it to a plasma screen t.v. which one of Yuri's Initiates was watching while eating popcorn.

"On the other hand, he could be watching the race on television." said Ethan.

"Where's the control room to this place?" asked Snake.

"A couple floors up." said the Initiate.

"Thanks." said Snake before realizing who told him that.

"By the way, I thought the great Solid Snake would be more steathy than that." said the Initiate as he got up.

"Luckily, I can also defend myself in case that fails." said Snake.

Before the Initiate could attack, a dark-haired woman snuck up behind him and knocked him out. "Where's the party?" she asked.

"Hey, I know you." said Ethan. "You're Tanya Adams, a commando for the Allies."

"By the way, thanks for distracting Yuri." said Tanya. "I was able to slip in completely unnoticed."

"What are you doing here?" asked Snake.

"I was sent to take out the radar." said Tanya. "My boys are prepping for an airstrike."

"Sounds perfect." said Ethan. "What do you say we work together on this?"

"Let's rock and roll." said Tanya.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Chinese village, the convoy was lined up.

"Everybody's ready to move out." said Monk. "We just need the go-ahead."

"We'll have that as soon as we know where we're going." said Nash as he walked towards the Paris Cop Car. "We're going to need directions to Hong Kong."

"If it helps, Beavis and I speak very good Chinese." said Butthead. "We can probably ask for directions for you."

"I was going to have Joe ask, but if you insist." said Nash.

"Yeah yeah." said Beavis. He and Butthead walked over to a villager.

Butthead looked at the man and said "Uh, eggroll?"

The villager looked at him in confusion.

"Um, chop suey? Heh heh." asked Beavis.

The villager looked even more confused.

"Uh, fried rice?" asked Butthead.

"Ah, jeeze." said Nash. "Joe, get in there before they start an international incident."

"Got it, Nash." said Joe. He walked over to Beavis and Butthead, tapped them on the shoulders, and said "Hey, guys. Back to your car."

Beavis and Butthead walked back to their car.

"Hey, Nash!" said Joe. "What should I ask him?"

"Ask how to get to Hong Kong." said Nash.

"Alright." said Joe. He turned to the villager and asked him a question in Cantonese.

The villager responded by unleashing an angry tirade on him. He marched back into his house, still yelling and turning around once in a while to shake his fist at Joe.

"Oh, okay." said Joe. He walked back to the car and said "He said he doesn't know."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well, so far, everyone has made it past the first attack." said Chloe. "However, there are no doubt more on the way."

"Send Sky Captain and the other protectors." said Brock. "They're going to get a workout on this. I wish we had someone else to call."

"We do." said Danny as he produced Buckaroo Banzai's PDA. "We received this from Team Banzai during the inspections. He said we should use it if there was any trouble."

"Let me have it." said Brock. "I think this definitely qualifies."

Danny handed him the PDA and he hooked it up to his computer. After he checked the program contained within, the computer automaticly logged on to the internet, opened a web page, and opened a video feed. Brock saw a hispanic man sitting in a chair.

"I'm telling you now," said the man "Mr. Yates is not going to call at this early st..." He noticed Brock had logged on and said "Hi, Mr. Yates."

"Mr. Reno Nevada." said Brock. "I was told to call you if something went screwy."

"Something did?" asked Reno.

"Psychic madman with a private army." said Brock. "Know anything about that?"

"Sounds like Yuri." said Reno. "We've got some information on him."

"Can you send it to us?" asked Brock. "Also, can you give us some direct assistance?"

"We have Blue Blaze Irregulars operating all over the world." said Reno. "Unfortunately, none of them are in Asia at the moment. Sorry."

Brock groaned. "Please send us the information on Yuri, then."

"You got it." said Reno. "I'll also keep the Blue Blazers in the other continents posted."

"Thank you, Reno." said Brock. "I'll let you get back to what you were doing."

"See you later." said Reno.

Reno closed the video conference. "Well, that's kind of a load off." said Brock.

Danny's beeper went off. "This isn't." he said as he checked it. "Someone's in the vault." He ran off to check on the report.

Danny ran past David and several others.

"So, what's the deal on this convoy?" asked John Popper.

"Apparently, several of the teams have banded together to protect themselves from Yuri." said David.

"Who's in this convoy?" asked Phil.

"Let me check the list." said David as he went to a piece of paper. "Let's see, the Paris Cop Car is leading it. Following are the Monsoni, Torrida, Ascent 470ds, Citi Turbo, PT Phoenix..."

"Wait, the PT Phoenix is BEHIND the Paris Cop Car?" asked Kevin.

"Yes." said David.

Kevin looked at a smiling Adam and said "Don't start."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Butler, are we on the right track?" asked Artemis.

"Hong Kong is dead ahead." said Butler.

"Smashing." said Artemis.

"Master Fowl, what's that?" asked Butler. One of Yuri's Floating Disks was coming up over the treeline.

"I don't know, but it doesn't look friendly." said J.D.

The Floating Disk began firing laser blasts at the Crown Mail.

"Dr. Dorian, I believe you have made a fair assessment." said Artemis as he dodged the laser blasts.

"We can't dodge them forever." said Butler. "We need to do something."

"There should be a mirror in the back." said Artemis. "Perhaps we can use it to deflect the laser blasts."

"This it?" asked J.D. as he picked up a mirror.

"Yes, give it to Butler, QUICKLY!" said Artemis.

J.D. handed the mirror to Butler and Butler quickly climbed out the window and sat on the windowsill. "That's right." he said. "As the lovely Pat Benatar said, hit me with your best shot."

The Floating Disk opened fire again. The first shot missed the van completely. The second deflected off the mirror and went skyward. The third hit the mirror and shot right back at the Floating Disk. The laser connected with the vessel that had fired it, knocking it out of the sky. The Floating Disk crashed next to the Crown Mail and the resulting explosion knocked Butler off balance. Butler fell out of the window and grabbed the rearview for dear life.

"Butler!" yelled Artemis.

"I got him!" yelled J.D. as he grabbed Butler's waistband and shirt and tried to pull him back into the van. Butler pulled himself up, sat on the sill for a second, then climbed back in.

"Oh, thank you!" said Artemis. "I don't know what I'd do without him and I don't think I could have pulled him in myself. Butler, are you alright?"

"Alright?" said Butler. "That was the most fun I've had in ages! I mean, just hanging out the window like that. J.D, you wanna try it?"

"Absolutely!" said J.D.

Butler stepped away from the window and J.D. climbed out. He held onto the A-pillar and howled with glee.

Just then, another Floating Disk appeared and started firing on the Crown Mail. Artemis swerved to avoid getting hit and J.D. lost his grip. He fell out of the window and landed on the road head first.

"J.D?" asked Butler as the doctor came out of his daydream. "Wanna try it?"

"Nope!" squeaked J.D.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well, that was lucky of them." said Korpi as he put the Stallion in gear. "Let's keep on it."

"Right." said Darden. "You guys try to find the rest."

"On it." said Joe. He and Max ran for a blue Corvair, the Tampa.

"Same here." said Feliz as he went for a tan Ranchero, the Picador. "Paul's still looking over the manual for the thingamabob."

"Where's Lance?" asked Korpi.

"He's looking for Johnny." said Darden. "For some reason, the guy hasn't been answering his cel phone."

"Come on, where are you, Johnny?" asked Lance as he drove towards the detour in a Nissan Skyline four-door, the Sultan. The car was painted purple and had black and yellow alien things on the hood and front doors. "What the?" he said.

He pulled up to the detour to find Johnny handcuffed to the sign and climbed out of the car.

"What happened?" asked Lance.

"Ah, shut up and get me out of here!" snapped Johnny.

XXXXXXXXXX

The convoy headed through southern China.

"I think we're about fifty miles or so to Vietnam." said Joe.

"Good, we'll be in the clear when we get to Malaysia." said Nash.

"Nash, I was thinking." said Monk. "What about the teams that didn't join the convoy?"

"Are you a religious man...Mr. Monk?" asked Nash. "I'm afraid all we can do right now is pray."

A few cars back, in the bed of the Jones J450, Hank and Bobby laid back and looked at the clouds.

"That one looks like a propane grill." said Hank.

"I see a former president who shall remain nameless." said Bobby.

In the truck's cab, Dale was driving while Bill and Boomhauer sat in the passenger seats.

"Okay, I'm looking for a place to turn off and break away." said Dale.

"Wha?" said Bill.

"Hey yo, man." said Boomhauer. "That ding-dang convoy suppose keep us safe from that there psychic nut."

"Sure, that's just what they WANT you to think." said Dale. Finally, he found a dirt road and turned off.

From the Torrida behind them, Buffy watched in surprise.

"Where are they going?" she asked.

"This could be a problem." said Willow.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Yuri's base, Lara and her team snuck through the Battle Lab.

"What are we looking for?" asked Cate.

"It's the control system for the base defenses." said Joanna. "If we shut them down, we should be able to escape easily and get Yuri to recall his troops."

"You there, halt!" ordered an Initiate.

"Uh oh!" said Chun Li. "Let's go!"

Another pair of Initiates ran down the stairs next to them.

"Blast, the control system is most likely past them!" said Lara.

"No problem!" said Cate as she took out her belt buckle grappler. She fired the hook at the third floor landing and winched herself up. She turned and aimed her Petri Airweight revolver at them.

"It will take more than that to take us down." said one of the Initiates. He was right. While he and his partner were taking aim at Cate, Joanna released a DrugSpy and tagged them with a pair of darts. They fell unconcious immediately.

"They'll be out for a while." said Joanna. "Let's take care of those defenses."

"More guards are no doubt on the way." said Lara. "Chun Li and I will stand guard."

"Got it." said Cate. She and Joanna proceeded to the control room.

Lara and Chun Li stood guard. Another pair of Initiates entered the hallway. "Stop them!" said one.

"I got this." said Chun Li.

As the Initiates approached, she went into her Lightning Leg attack. She started hitting the two Initiates with kicks and quickly sent them to the floor.

Chun Li made a victory sign and cheered "Yatta!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in the south of China, the Knight and Cocotte raced along the road.

"And so, number one son..." said Murdock "...remember one thing."

"KITT." said Michael.

"Michael, I've run a scan on Mr. Murdock four times now." said KITT. "He checks out fine physically."

"Remind me to rework this thing's scanners when we finish this race." said B.A.

"Dudes, I've been thinking." said Michaelangelo. "Why don't we stop off some place and pick up some kind of Chinese food? Think of the pizzas we could make with it."

"It's a nice idea, Michaelangelo." said Leonardo. "But I think we can wait until we get back to New York to try it out."

"Leonardo, did I just hear you right?" asked Donatello. "You're turning down the opportunity to try new pizza?"

"We have a race to concentrate on." said Leonardo.

The Stallion was parked not far away and Darden was watching through binoculars.

"Here come a pair of racers." he said.

"Look what they're about to face." said Korpi.

The Knight and Cocotte continued down the road and a trio of Gatling Tanks emerged from the forest.

"Whoa." said B.A. "What are these things?"

"Got me." said Michael.

"They appear to be vehicles normally used by the private army of a former Soviet specialist." said KITT. "He is known simply as Yuri and..."

One of the Gatling Tanks opened fire on the Knight. Luckily, the bullets failed to penetrate the car's molecular-bonded shell.

"KITT, you alright?" asked Michael.

"No, I'm not alright!" said KITT. "I tend to take it personally when I get shot at!"

"Get us out of here!" said B.A.

"Tanks with machine guns!" said Donatello.

"I got it!" said Raphael as he climbed through the sunroof and took a battle stance on the hood. He pulled out a handful of throwing knives. "Good thing I saved these from that battle with droid-boy." he said.

As the Gatling Tank turned towards the Cocotte, Raphael started throwing the knives at it. The knives hit the tank in the machine gun barrels and became lodged. The Gatling Tank tried to fire at the turtles, but the thing exploded due to the barrels being plugged.

"Ha!" cheered Raphael. "You couldn't hit us with..." Just then, he noticed one of the Gatling Tank's wheels bouncing towards him. "...a big rubber tire!"

The wheel hit Raphael in the chest and knocked him back through the sunroof. "Ever get that rundown feeling?" he asked.

"Where are we going?" asked KITT.

"Head for that junkyard." said B.A.

"Look at them, running around like ants!" said Korpi. "Those tanks are really ripping into them."

Another Gatling Tank rolled by. "I wonder who this guy is going after." said Darden.

Little did he realize itthis Gatling Tank had been taken over by theT-X. When it got near the Stallion, the tank's turret turned towards them. It didn't take them long to figure out what was about to happen.

"Run!" yelled Darden.

He and Korpi jumped out of the Stallion just before the Gatling Tank opened fire. The machine gun ripped into the car, shattering glass, ripping up leather, puncturing tires, and punching holes in metal.

Michael steered the Knight into the junkyard. He quickly parked and got out with B.A. and Murdock.

"Alright, we're going to need to make something fast." said B.A.

The Gatling Tank drove after them into the junkyard. Meanwhile, the Turtles recovered from their attack.

"Raphael, are you okay?" asked Leonardo.

"Yeah, I think so." said Raphael.

"Dudes, that machine gun jalopy is going after the A-Dudes!" said Michaelangelo.

"I think we'd better help them out." said Leonardo.

"They're heading into a junkyard." said Donatello. "I can probably help them make a weapon or something."

"Or you can return this car to whence it came." said Raphael.

"Yeah, he's alright." said Donatello.

"It would help if we knew what we were looking for." said Murdock.

"We need something explosive." said B.A.

"KITT, can you find anything that goes boom?" asked Michael.

"I'm detecting canisters containing highly flammable gas about ten meters to my right." said KITT. "Hopefully, that should help."

Michael, B.A, and Murdock walked over to the gas canisters and looked them over. "Yeah, that's the stuff." said B.A.

"Alright, we just need a way to ignite the gas and direct the shots." said Michael.

"Allow me to help." said Donatello.

"It's a five-foot tall talking turtle from the planet Zebulon!" said Murdock.

"Five-foot tall talking turtle, yes." said Donatello. "From planet Zebulon, no."

"You must be one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." said Michael. "But, where are the others?"

"Trying to save our collective hash." said Donatello.

The Gatling Tank drove through the junkyard looking for the Knight.

"Where is it?" asked the gunner.

"How can you lose a brightly colored Evo in the middle of a Chinese junkyard?" asked the tank commander.

Just then, they heard a clank on the tank's armor. "What was that?" asked the driver.

"It came from the rear." said the gunner. He turned the turret to see what the sound was. He saw Michaelangelo waving at him.

"Let's take him down, compadres!" yelled Michaelangelo.

"Turtle power!" called the three. They started to attack the tank with their weapons.

"They're going to break through!" said the driver.

"Evasive action, now!" ordered the commander.

The gunner rotated the turret until he knocked Michaelangelo off the tank. Michaelangelo wrapped his nunchucks around the machine gun and held on for dear life...until he was swung into Leonardo and they both fell to the ground.

"Totally bogus, man." said Michaelangelo as he and Leonardo picked themselves up.

The gunner then swung the turret again and knocked Raphael off and into an empty oil drum. "Hey! Not funny!" he yelled. "Not funny at all!"

"Just gotta wire this and we're done." said B.A.

"Michael, they're coming!" said KITT.

"You know what to do, buddy." said Michael.

"If I do not survive, tell Bonnie she was in my memory banks." said KITT. He put himself into reverse and backed out of the workspace.

"Wait, there he is!" said the gunner when he saw the Knight.

KITT activated a nearby loudspeaker and sent a message to the tank crew: "Your other car is a Pinto!"

"Get him!" ordered the commander.

KITT raced away from the Gatling Tank, but it still took pursuit. KITT raced through the junkyard with the tank firing on him every once in a while. He continued to race around until...

"It's about as done as it's gonna get." said Donatello as he slid one of the gas canisters up and down a pair of rails.

"Bring him back." said B.A.

Michael raised his watch to his mouth and said "KITT, it's ready!"

"Finally." said KITT as he turned around and drove back to the workspace. When he got there, Michael, B.A, Murdock, and Donatello had set up a launch rail for the gas canisters.

"Fire one!" called Murdock. He took a handgrip and pulled a trigger. Nothing happened.

"You forgot to open the valve, fool!" said B.A. as he opened the valve on the canister. Murdock pulled the trigger again and the gas was ignited, turning the canister into a rocket.

The canister shot from the rail and imbedded itself in the tank's turret. However, it didn't explode.

"Fire another one." said Michael. "A second impact will surely detonate that one."

B.A. turned to load another gas canister onto the rail and found Murdock crying. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Oh, it's just the long tube, the flame at the end." said Murdock. "It just reminded me of Hannibal's cigars."

Donatello loaded another canister onto the rail, opened the valve, and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. "What the...?" he said. "The battery's dead!"

"What do you expect?" asked Michael. "You got it from a junkyard!"

The Gatling Tank aimed at the group.

"Anybody got any ideas?" asked Donatello.

"Sorry, I'm fresh out." said Michael.

Suddenly, the gas canister under the tank's gun exploded, taking the turret off. The gunner climbed out and coughed.

"Whoa!" said Michaelangelo. "Gnarly delayed action!"

"Far from it." said Mad Max as he walked into the area and holstered his shotgun.

The tank commander climbed out and found himself with another shotgun in his face. This one was in Highway's hands. "This is where a smart man would leave." he said.

As the Gatling Tank limped out of the junkyard, Michael asked Max "What are you doing here? Did you see us in trouble?"

"No, we were just coming to get a new sway bar." said Max. "Last one got taken out by a bad road."

"When we saw you guys here, we had to stop those guys." said Highway.

"Well, thanks for the help." said Leonardo.

The Knight, Cocotte, and Baja Buggy raced out of the junkyard and continued the race. On the way out, they passed the Gatling Tank the T-X was controlling just as it ran out of ammo.

"I think it's out of bullets." said Darden from his foxhole.

"Good." said Korpi. "Oh shit, look at the car."

Darden looked at the Stallion. The car had been reduced to a smouldering, bullet-riddled hulk.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Oh, one of those." said Tanner as he saw the safe in the vault. He wrote down the name on the safe and started thinking about how to get it open.

"Who's in here?" asked Danny as he entered.

"Uh, just me." said Tanner as he jammed the paper into his shirt. "I got lost looking for the pantry."

"That's back upstairs next to the kitchen." said Danny.

"Oh yeah." said Tanner. "That would be the logical place."

"How much longer are you going to be set up?" asked Danny.

"Not much." said Tanner. "Why?"

"In a couple of weeks, we're planning on pulling up stakes and heading for the finish line." said Danny.

"Where's that?" asked Tanner.

"I'm not at liberty to say." said Danny. "Why do you want to know?"

"I thought we might be able to cater your event there as well." said Tanner.

"We'll let someone else handle us there." said Danny. "I don't think you guys work out there anyway."

"Okay, just checking." said Tanner as he put his hands in his pockets. Somehow, this caused the paper to fall out of his shirt.

"What's this?" asked Danny as he picked up the paper.

"Oh, that's just a list of ingredients for the next job." said Tanner.

"Then, why is the only thing on this list the model name of the safe in the vault?" asked Danny. He picked up his walkie-talkie and said "Security, the caterers are planning to rob the vault! Repeat, the caterers..."

Tanner took out his stungun and jammed it into Danny's chest, letting out a full blast. The security chief hit the floor stunned.

Tanner picked up the paper with the safe model on it and ran.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere just west of Hanoi, the MASK team continued the race. Gloria was driving.

"Bet this is bringing back some memories." said Matt.

"Sure does." said Gloria. "I wonder how my former teammates are doing?"

Just then, the Tampa and Picador pulled up on opposite sides of the Boost.

"Who are these guys?" asked Matt.

"I don't know." said Bruce. "I didn't see them at the starting line."

Feliz rolled down the window of the Picador as Joe rolled down the window of the Tampa. "Hello, folks." said Joe.

"Gloria, floor it!" said Matt.

"Don't have to tell me twice." said Gloria as she floored it.

"Don't let them get away." said Max. The Picador and Tampa gave chase.

"They're gaining." said Bruce.

"At least we don't have anyone else to worry about." said Matt.

Suddenly, one of Yuri's Magnetron tanks pulled into the road and pointed towards the Boost.

"Uh oh." said Matt.

"No problem." said Gloria as she pushed a button on the dash. A yellow mask slid over her head.

The Magnetron projected an energy beam at the Boost. Gloria looked into the beam and called "Aura, on!"

A bolt of electricity shot from her mask and connected with the energy beam.

"What is she doing?" asked Feliz as he pulled alongside.

The beam from the Magnetron wrestled with the beam from Gloria's mask for a few seconds, then veered off and hit the Picador. The Picador was flipped into the air over the Boost and it came crashing down onto the front of the Tampa, flipping it over as well.

"Ralph Nader was right." said Joe. "This thing is unsafe at any speed."

Gloria swerved around the Magnetron and continued. The Magnetron was unable to turn around in time.

"Looks like the danger factor has been upped." said Matt.

XXXXXXXXXX

On the Sea Phantom, security personel showed up to take Everett into custody.

"What seems to be the problem?" he asked.

"Sir, we have reason to believe you and your partner are planning to rob the safe." said Frankie. "Until we can clear this up, we have no choice but to hold you for interrogation."

"Can I bring my teddy bear?" asked Everett.

Tanner ran into the banquet hall and hit the lightswitches. The room went dark and a ruckus occurred.

"Grab him!" yelled Phil. A second later, Tanner and Everett ran out of the door to the main deck.

The ruckus continued for a few more seconds before Nessa turned the lights back on. They found Schwag holding David up against the wall in a choke hold.

"Schwag, put him down!" said Nessa.

"As soon as he apologizes for 'Tommy Boy'!" said Schwag.

On the deck, Tanner and Everett ran for the gangplank, only to find it guarded.

"Looks like we'll have to find another way out of here." said Tanner.

"There he is!" yelled a guard.

"How good are you at the high dive?" asked Tanner. He and Everett got up and ran for the railing and vaulted over it. They plunged a hundred feet into the water below.

Almost everyone onboard walked over to the railing and looked over.

"What the hell was that all about?" asked David.

XXXXXXXXXX

Dylan drove through Vietnam in the Kuruma.

"Anything wrong so far?" asked Natalie.

"No, it's been pretty smooth sailing." said Dylan. "How are Alex and the guys?"

"Oh, look at this." said Natalie as she looked in back. Dylan turned around to see that Garth was sleeping in the back and sucking his thumb.

Alex and Wayne were asleep as well with Wayne's arms wrapped around Alex. She woke up and noticed whose arms she was in and quickly pulled them off of her.

"Hey, check out this old Riv." said Dylan as she pointed through the windshield. The Buccaneer was in front of them.

"He's blocking the road." said Alex. "I think he wants something."

Dylan brought the car to a halt and climbed out. "What seems to be the problem?" she asked.

"I'm looking for Rockatansky." said the Warrior.

"Mad Max?" asked Natalie. "What do you want with him?"

"Why does everybody keep asking that?" asked the Warrior.

"We're here to stop you from racing." said Foyt as she pulled a gun.

"You again?" said Dylan.

"Oh, you remember me." said Foyt. "I'm touched."

"Of course we remember you." said Alex. "You're miss...uh..."

"Foyt!" said Dylan and Natalie.

"Yeah." said Alex.

"Step away from the car right now." said Foyt.

Another engine roar was heard. Everybody turned to see the Majestic approaching. It stopped next to the Kuruma and Joel and Fearless got out.

"Did we have to watch the entire Sumo match?" asked Joel.

"Hey, it was on my list." said Fearless as he pulled his gun. "Alright, ladies. Race ends here."

"Finally, they send me some backup." said Foyt.

"Hey, wait a minute." said Joel. "You're Alice J. Foyt! What are you doing outside?"

"Wait, who are you working for?" asked Foyt.

"Sherriff Cooper DeVille." said Fearless.

"'Coop' DeVille?" asked Foyt.

"'Coop' DeVille." said Joel. "That never gets old."

"What's he doing going after the Cannonballers?" asked Foyt. "That's MY department!"

"Come on." said Fearless. "It's time to go home."

"Not until the Cannonballers are history!" said Foyt.

"Whoa, we don't want to kill them, just arrest them." said Joel.

"We tried arresting them." said Foyt. "It didn't work."

"We also need to take down Rockatansky." said the Warrior.

"Oh, give it a rest!" said Foyt. "Max Rockatansky is the LEAST of our worries at the moment!"

A sudden squeal of tires interrupted the argument and both groups realized the Kuruma had taken off.

"Now, look what you did!" said Joel.

"You know, maybe we should team up ourselves." said Foyt.

"Forget it." said Fearless as he and Joel returned to the Majestic.

Dylan continued to drive.

"That was close." said Natalie.

"Yeah, let's get out of here." said Alex.

"What's going on?" asked Wayne as he woke up. He then noticed the Angels had moved Garth into his arms and jumped away.

"Hang on or you won't get to find out." said Dylan.

Suddenly, the car was rammed from behind.

"What was that?" asked Natalie. "Foyt or those cops?"

"Neither." said Garth. "It was a black van."

Dylan and Natalie turned around to see the same black van that attacked Buckaroo in North America.

"Whoa! Lose him!" yelled Garth.

Dylan pushed it to the floor. The van sped up as well.

"He's gaining!" said Alex.

The van rammed the Kuruma again and spun it out. The van stopped and faced the car menacingly. The Buccaneer and Majestic stopped some distance back.

"Who's that?" asked Joel.

"Don't know." said Fearless. "Doesn't act like a cop."

"Is that one of your guys?" asked the Warrior.

"I thought he was with you." said Foyt.

The van revved its engine and prepared to ram the Kuruma. Before it could, a gun was put to the driver's side window. The gun was in the hands of Officer Tackleberry.

"Leave this area NOW!" he ordered.

The van started towards the car, so Tack cocked his gun.

"I mean it!" he said.

After a brief pause, the van raced backwards away from the Kuruma. It performed a bootlegger and raced off.

Hightower stepped in front of the Buccaneer and said "That goes for you too!"

Flash tapped on the Majestic's window and said "Go on. Split!"

The two Buicks backed away as well.

Tackleberry walked up to the Kuruma and said "Okay, miss. You may continue the race."

"Thank you." said Dylan. She turned around and drove off.

XXXXXXXXXX

Team Rocket made their way through Laos.

"Are we out of Asia yet?" asked Jessie.

"James, tell Jessie I'm not speaking to her." said Annie.

"Come on, you can't still be mad about her calling you a Metapod!" said James.

"Oakley, tell James I'm not speaking to him." said Annie.

"Annie, I think you're being really immature." said Oakley.

"Jessie, tell Oakley I'm not speaking to her." said Annie.

"Annie, I'm the one you weren't speaking to in the first place." said Jessie.

"Nobody tells me they're not speaking to anyone." said Meowth. "What am I? A hairball?"

Another of Yuri's Initiates watched them drive by through a pair of binoculars. "We have the target in sight." he reported over the radio. "We're on it."

He led a Mastermind, a Chaos Drone, and a Lasher towards the Pirahna PDQ. Not far away, the Lone Wolf had intercepted the report.

"I should probably let the soldiers get those guys." he thought. "Nah, waste of ammo."

The Lasher tank pulled in front of the Pirahna PDQ. Annie jammed on the brakes.

"Get us out of here!" yelled Jessie.

Annie swerved around the tank, but they didn't realize they were being targeted by the Mastermind.

"Can't you take control of them?" asked the tank commander.

"I'm trying, but it's hard to hit a target that small!" complained the gunner.

"Ah!" yelped Jessie. "They're attacking my mind!"

"What mind?" asked Annie.

"Someone's targeting us with some kind of psychic weapon." said Oakley.

"I think we'd better do something about it before she becomes more of a liability." said Meowth.

"I know!" said James as he took out one of his Pokeballs. "I choose you, Alakazam!"

James tossed the Pokeball and Alakazam popped out. Alakazam looked at the Mastermind and closed his eyes. Suddenly, the tank started to vibrate.

"Lasher, the Mastermind is starting to sustain some kind of damage of psychic origin." said the Mastermind's commander. "I think it might be that creature on the car."

"Understood." said the Lasher's commander. "I'm going after it."

Lone Wolf raced towards the Lasher. On the way, he reached down and picked up a rock.

"Watch this." said the Lasher's commander. "Overkill done right."

Before the gunner could take his shot, Lone Wolf jumped the Nousagi onto the Lasher's turret and then onto the ground.

"What was that?" asked the commander.

The gunner turned the cannon towards Lone Wolf. The mysterious man jammed the rock into the tank's gun and raced off.

"Shoot him!" yelled the commander.

The gunner fired the cannon at Lone Wolf. The shell hit the rock and caused the barrel to explode. The crew then climbed out of the tank's smoke-filled interior. Seconds later, Alakazam managed to neutralize the Mastermind.

"The pain is gone." said Jessie.

"Let's get out of here before they do anything more." said James as he recaptured Alakazam.

"Not just yet." said Annie as she steered towards the Chaos Drone.

"What are you doing?" yelled Oakley.

"I'm thinking if we get in even more danger, the cute one will rescue us again." said Annie. "Then, maybe I can get a date with him."

"Great idea." said Jessie. "Except, I'm the one who will be getting a date with him!"

"Oh, get real!" said Annie. "Oakley, settle this!"

"The cute guy will not be going out with you, Jessie." said Oakley.

"See?" said Annie.

"He'll be going out with me!" said Oakley.

"WHAT?" said Annie.

"What's with those guys?" thought Lone Wolf. "They're fighting even worse now. Wait, what's that?" He took out his cel phone, used the camera to take a picture of the Chaos Drone, and called Chloe. "Chloe, it's Lone Wolf."

"Lone Wolf, what's going on?" asked Chloe. "Things are kind of hectic here. We just found out the caterers were planning to rob the vault. They even stungunned Danny."

"Is he alright?" asked Lone Wolf.

"He'll be okay." said Chloe. "Why are you calling?"

"I'm sending you a picture of some kind of weapon." said Lone Wolf. "I think it might be causing Team Rocket to fight even worse than usual. Can you identify it?"

Chloe received the picture and ran it against her database. "The weapon appears to be one of Yuri's." she said. "It's called a Chaos Drone. The thing is full of some kind of gas that causes violent behavior and triggers fighting."

"Shit! No wonder they're fighting so much!" said Lone Wolf. "Wait, can you run through Team Rocket's Pokedex?"

"I'm afraid you'll have to access it yourself since it isn't hooked up to the internet." said Chloe.

"Thanks anyway." said Lone Wolf.

He hung up, took a deep breath, and crawled over to the Pirahna PDQ. While the members of Team Rocket were fighting, Lone Wolf managed to lift their Pokedex and get away.

"Let's see." he said as he checked through it. "Bingo."

He took another deep breath and snuck back into the car. He picked up one of Jessie's pokeballs and ran out again.

He took the pokeball, said "I choose you, Weezing!" and tossed it into the Pirahna PDQ.

Weezing released some gas of his own and the members of Team Rocket started hacking and coughing. Soon, the effects of the Chaos Drone's gas attack were nullified.

"Now, let's get out of here!" said Oakley.

"Okay!" said Annie as she raced off. Lone Wolf followed and flipped off the Chaos Drone.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I know what would make this game even better." said Hsu as he drove through Thailand. "B-Spec mode like in 'Gran Turismo 4'."

"Sounds great for people too lazy to play video games." said Chan.

"I wonder if this was how the development process for the 'Army Men' games went?" pondered Sushi X.

It was then that a group of Initiates surrounded the Amata. Hsu hit the brakes. "Chan, I don't think this is the local police force." he said.

"Excuse me, gentlemen." said Chan. "What's going on here?"

"As representatives of the grand army of Yuri, you are coming with us!" said one of the Initiates.

"Uh, do we have to?" asked Chan.

One of the Initiates fired a psychic shot at a nearby tree, knocking it down.

"Where will you be taking us?" asked Chan.

Suddenly, a group of ninjas in red jumped out of the bushes.

"Where did these ninjas come from?" yelled the Initiates' leader.

"I called them." said Sushi X.

"You mean they're from your ninja clan?" asked Hsu.

"They're not just ninjas." said Sushi X. "They're ninja video game reviewers."

"Master Sushi." said the ninjas' leader. "We have been following you at your request. What is your bidding?"

"Do not attack unless attacked." said Sushi X. "Initiates, leave this area now or there will be dire consequences."

"We have orders to apprehend Cannonballers and bring them back to Yuri's headquarters." said the Initiates' leader.

"Suit yourself." said Sushi X. "Change of plans. Attack!"

The ninjas went into battle with the Initiates. Ninja weapons and psychic blasts went flying everywhere.

The Sultan pulled up without being noticed.

"Whoa, check that out." said Johnny B.

"That's a distraction." said Lance. "We can use that to sneak in and sabotage their car."

"Do you think we should help them?" asked Chan.

A shuriken flew between them and stuck in the Crescendo's roof.

"No." said Hsu.

Lance snuck up to the Crescendo with a small time bomb.

"You know, we should probably have a level like this in the game." said Chan.

"Yeah." said Hsu. "A group of soldiers tries to capture you and you have to fight them off with the help of a team of ninjas."

"And you can use all kinds of weapons to fight with!" said Chan more excitedly.

"And you can use magic and psychic powers to fight with as well!" said Hsu.

"It will be EXCELLENT!" cheered Chan as he threw back his fists. In the process, he accidentally hit Lance and knocked him into the side of the car headfirst.

Suddenly, everyone stopped fighting to see the new development. "Who are these guys?" asked someone.

"Uh, these are the guys behind..." said Hsu as he tried to think of a really bad game "...uh, the Game Boy Advance version of Mortal Kombat."

"Ninja strike!" called the ninjas' leader. The ninjas jumped over to the Sultan and started hitting it with their swords. After a few seconds, they jumped away and the Sultan fell apart.

"Whoa." said Hsu.

"We should put THAT in the game as well." said Chan.

"And now for these guys." said the ninjas' leader.

"Actually, you can go on your way." said the Initiates' leader. "We know better than to mess with people who can do THAT."

"Very well." said Sushi X. "Just remember not to show your faces again. I thank you for your assistance. I am in your debt."

"You are most welcome." said the ninja leader. "Say, who are your friends?"

"I am Hsu Tanaka and this is my brother Chan."

"Did you say Tanaka?" asked the ninja leader.

"Uh, we're losing valuable time, so thank you again." said Sushi X as he picked up Chan and got back into the car with Hsu and drove off.

XXXXXXXXXX

The convoy proceeded through Myanmar (or Burma, whichever you call it). Everything seemed to be running smoothly.

"Any problems?" asked Monk.

"Nah, we could've slept through the journey." said Nash.

"It'll take a while, but soon we'll be in Malaysia and then on to Australia." said Joe.

Little did they know, Yuri and a group of his soldiers were waiting for them.

"Sir, I'm not sure if we should be going after them at this time." said their commander.

"It's true they can protect themselves better when they're together." said Yuri. "However, if they fail to protect themselves, we will have a large number of new recruits."

"I copy, sir." said the commander. He signaled the group to advance.

Daphne was watching the treeline when she saw something. "Guys!" she said. "We've got company!"

Freddie got on the radio. "Nash, this is Freddie from Team Mystery Inc. Daphne says she saw something. It might be the madman's army."

Nash looked at the treeline. "I copy, Freddie." he replied. "I have visual. Okay, racers, brace yourselves!"

A group of Lashers and Gatling Tanks approached the Torrida.

"Something tells me they're not going to ask for directions." said Xander.

"Will, we could use a force field right about now." said Buffy.

"I've got it." said Willow. She put her hands together and chanted "Luap deirub I!"

The tanks started firing their weapons. However, Willow's protection spell prevented any damage from taking place.

The Victory was bringing up the rear. Soon, a Gatling Tank and a pair of Chaos Drones got behind it.

"Look at those things, Jaws." said Bond. "Know what I'm thinking?"

"L.A. smog warning time." said Jaws as he went for the switches.

Jaws pushed the switch for the Q Smoke and a plume of smoke poured from the back of the vehicle.

"Take out that Aston!" yelled the Gatling Tank's commander.

"I can't see it!" yelled the gunner.

Suddenly, the Gatling Tank drove into a tree and was spun out. The two Chaos Drones crashed into it.

"Well, it looks like smoking is bad for your health." said Bond.

A Floating Disk took aim at Cary Ford and fired its laser cannon. It missed three times. Cary steered towards a fallen tree and jumped the Monsoni onto another Floating Disk. The first disk fired on him and took out the second. Cary dropped to the ground unharmed. "Nice shooting." he thought.

The Floating Disk came back for another shot, but before it could fire, it was shot down. Cary looked up at what had done that and saw Sky Captain in an old P-51 Mustang.

"It's about time you showed up!" said Nash over the radio.

"Hey, you had the guys in North America handled before I could do anything." said Sky Captain. "On the other hand, these guys are a bit of a problem."

"You think you can take out some of those tanks?" asked Nash.

"Piece of cake for the Rustler." said Sky Captain.

Mason and Spike raced in with the Omega and were soon joined by Jetto on an ATV.

"Hey, Jetto!" said Mason. "I'm going to try to use the Bolt Gun on one of those mind-control tanks! I need you to run interferance!"

"No sweat, mate!" said Jetto. "Let's see them try to hit the Stump!"

A Mastermind tank drove into the area and powered up its mind-control weapon.

"Spike, is the Bolt Gun ready?" asked Mason.

"All set." said Spike.

Mason pulled the trigger and started to zap the Mastermind.

"Sir, he's hitting us with an electrical attack!" said the Mastermind's driver.

"Target him!" said the commander.

While the Mastermind was targeting the Omega, Jetto was aiming for the Mastermind with the Stump's Cluster Rockets. When Jetto fired, the combined force of the attacks easily knocked out the tank.

"Looks like the party came early." said George as he navigated the battle.

Suddenly, Yuri himself appeared on the hood of the Super Taxi. George swerved to knock him off, but it didn't work.

"This guy's good." said George.

"So, you are the one they call Captain Chaos!" said Yuri. "You will make a worthy addition to my grand army."

Stanley thought a little about Yuri's words. "Okay." he said.

"Stanley!" said George.

"I mean...DA DA DAAAAAAA!" called Stanley as he turned into Captain Chaos. He jumped out onto the roof and took a martial arts stance.

"Very impressive." said Yuri. "But let's see how you fight my psychic powers." He put his fingers to his head and concentrated on Chaos. Soon, he looked very shocked. "What?" he said. "I can't get inside your head!"

"Just as well." said George. "You don't want to know what's in there."

"You are immune to my powers." said Yuri. "Then you must be destroyed."

Yuri threw a psychic shot at Chaos, but Chaos easily dodged it. Chaos responded with a flying kick. He knocked Yuri off the hood of the car, but Yuri managed to jump back on.

"Now would be a good time for a miracle." said George.

XXXXXXXXXX

"This is it." said Jarod as he looked around the control room for the Bio Reactor in Yuri's base.

"This is it!" said Joanna as she looked around the control room for Yuri's base defenses.

"This is it?" asked Ethan when he looked around the control room for the Psychic Sensor in Yuri's base.

"If we take out the main computer, the sensor will be shut down." said Snake. "After that, Yuri's army will be too busy trying to rally their defenses to stop us from leaving."

"Unfortunately, demolition is not my specialty." said Ethan.

"No problem." said Tanya as she took out her twin .45's. "Cha-Ching!" She fired on the main computer and it started to spark after a few shots.

"Demolition may not be your forte, but it's one of mine." said Snake as he took out an explosive. He set it on another computer and set it. As the computer exploded, he repeated the process on another computer. Soon, the main computer started to short out and catch fire.

"Good job." said Ethan. "Now, let's get out of here."

"Shake it, baby!" said Tanya.

In the control room for the base defenses, Joanna took out a Phoenix and Cate took out an explosive disguised as a tube of lipstick.

"Ready?" asked Cate.

"Ready." said Joanna. She used the Phoenix to fire explosive rounds into the control computer. Cate activated the explosive and tossed it to the computer. Soon, the explosives did their trick.

"Let's go." said Cate.

"Not so fast." said an Initiate from behind her. "Yuri's going to want to talk to you."

"How did you get past Lara and Chun Li?" asked Joanna.

"I don't know who you're talking about." said the Initiate. "I was in the can the whole time."

In the control room for the Bio Reactor...

"Okay, I've figured out the system." said Jarod. "I've almost got it shut down."

"How much longer?" asked Johnny Five.

Jarod hit the return key on the computer and the lights went out. "Would you like fries with that?" he joked.

"I think I might achieve veterancy for this." said the Initiate. Suddenly, the lights went out. "What the...?"

The hiss of a spray was heard shortly afterward followed by the thump of a body hitting the floor. When the emergency lights came on, Cate was standing over the unconcious Initiate with a Sleeping Gas Perfume in her hand.

"NOW, let's go." she said.

Within minutes, Joanna and Cate had met up with Lara and Chun Li and gotten outside. Jarod and Johnny Five were already there. Ethan, Snake, and Tanya ran from the Psychic Sensor shortly afterward. Corvax and the Terminators came out of hiding.

"Well, these guys are so screwed up, they'll never stop us!" said Lara.

"On top of what you guys did," said Corvax "the Terminators did some sabotage to Yuri's tanks. Their defenses are very badly off."

"Great, let's get back to racing!" said Jarod.

"I wish I could share your enthusiasm." said Ethan. "Unfortunately, the other Cannonballers are most likely a thousand miles ahead of us."

"No problem." said Tanya. "My boys will definitely help you out in return for sabotaging Yuri's forces. Just get into your cars, park by that War Factory, and the Allies will do the rest."

The Cannonballers got into their respective cars and started them up. They drove over to the spot where Tanya had told them to go. Tanya whipped out her communicator and said "Hey, guys? The base is open for attack. I had some help softening it up. Speaking of that help, do you think you can get a Chronoshift ready for them? Thanks."

"What is she doing?" asked Ethan.

Suddenly, there was a brilliant flash of light and the cars vanished.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Myanmar...

"Are you ready to submit?" asked Yuri as he prepared to throw another psychic shot.

"Never!" called Chaos.

"Very well." said Yuri. "Then, I shall have the pleasure of..."

Just then, Yuri received a psychic message. "Commander! The base has been attacked from within! Our defenses are down, we have no psychic sensor, our power gird has been disrupted, and many of our units are not functioning properly!"

"What?" replied Yuri. "All troops, return to base! This is an emergency! The Cannonballers can wait!"

Yuri's troops immediately abandoned the fight and raced back to base.

"What made them run like that?" asked Willow.

"I don't know, but we appear to be safe now." said Buffy.

"Okay, guys." said Nash. "Convoy's over. Let's get back to racing."

Yuri rejoined his transport.

"Your orders, sir?" asked his second-in-command.

"Recall almost all troops." ordered Yuri. "Leave a few patrols to pick off any stragglers."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else in southeast Asia...

"Dad, where are we?" asked Bobby Hill.

"I don't know, Bobby." said Hank. "I think...what the!"

"Dale, are you sure you know where we're going?" asked Bill.

"Absolutely!" said Dale. "The mapmakers are in cahoots with the governments to increase tourism by making you think you're in the same country when you're actually in a more expensive country."

"Huh?" asked Bill. "Wait, stop."

Dale parked the Jones J450 next to a certain ancient temple.

"See?" he said. "We're on some kind of movie set."

"Hey yo, man." said Boomhauer. "This is that there ding dang Angkor Wat, man."

"Dangit, Dale!" sighed Hank. "You just got us lost somewhere in Cambodia!"

"Well, at least we know where we are." said Bill. "Now, we just have to get back on track."

They heard the roar of engines. Then, a group of Magnetrons showed up.

"YAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Dale.

"Bwah!" screamed Hank.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHH!" screamed Bill. Bobby and Boomhauer just froze in shock.

"Freeze right there!" ordered the commander of one of the Magnetrons. "You are under arrest!"

"Now, wait just a gotdang minute!" said Hank. "Under whose authority?"

"Why, the grand army of Yuri, of course." said the commander.

"No!" said Hank. "Me, my son, and my friends are going to saddle up and go!"

"Well, we've got the guns and you don't." said the commander.

Suddenly, there was a brilliant flash of light. When it cleared, the Zender Alpha, Monstruo, Schneller V8, and Vortex 5 were parked with the Jones J450.

"Not these guys again." groaned Snake as he took out his SOCOM and aimed it at the Magnetrons. Ethan did the same with his sidearm.

Lara, Joanna, and Cate followed suit. The T-X aimed her arm out the car's window and morphed it into a cannon. Johnny Five aimed his laser out the window of his car.

"Boy, how things can change." said Hank.

"Just so you don't get any ideas." said Johnny Five. He then used his laser to cut the tracks of one of the Magnetrons.

The T-X fired an electric pulse at another, leaving it stunned. Lara and her girls and Snake and Ethan fired their weapons as well. They managed to knock out the other Magnetron.

"Let's go!" said Hank as he jumped into the driver's seat. Bobby got in next to him and the others jumped in the back. Soon, all the cars were off.

As the cars were racing along, they came alongside a train. Just waking up on the back of the train was Jaleel the Kid. "Oh man!" he said. "I told that guy to wake me in Hong Kong!" He got on the Cohete and started it. He then raced off after the guys.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next day...

"Danny, are you alright?" asked Chloe.

"Yeah, I guess." said Danny. "Those stunguns pack a punch."

"Don't remind me." said David. He knew too well about the pain of a stungun attack.

"The caterers?" asked Danny.

"We managed to chase them off before they could take anything." said Phil.

"Keep a watch for them." said Danny. "They'll be back."

"You'll also be happy to know Yuri is leaving the Cannonballers alone for now." said J.J.

"Yeah, they managed to beat him back a little." said Victor.

"Rest up." said Brock. "We're getting ready to pack up."

Mr. X walked into the main room with Brock. "I think Yuri's going to be back as well." he said.

"I'm afraid so." said Brock. "Luckily, we have Reno and the Blue Blaze Irregulars helping us now."

"I'm a little afraid of what the drug lord is going to throw at us next." said Mr. X.

"For now, let's try to relax and not think about it." said Brock. "In case you haven't noticed, the Cannonballers are about to reach Australia."

Big Schwag and Frankie Whiteside stood next to a map showing southeat Asia. "Hello, Cannonball fans. Big Schwag..."

"...and Frankie Whiteside..."

"...reporting live. We have received reports that the Cannonballers are about to leave the Asian continent for the land down under, Australia."

"In fact, we know there are several teams about to reach the bridge as we speak." said Frankie.

"And the first car is about to cross the bridge!" said Schwag. "It appears to be. Yes, it is the Citi!"

The Citi drove onto the bridge to Australia. Inside, the Cheers gang were singing along to the CD player.

"...Cause I'm a wanderer! I'm a wanderer! I wanderwanderwanderwanderwanderwanderwander wander..."

"Cliff?" said Norm while singing.

"Yeah?" said Cliff while singing.

"The CD player is skipping again." said Norm.

"With the Citi crossing over first, Team Cheers is in the lead." said Frankie. "For that, we salute those losers."

"I couldn't have said it better myself." said Schwag.

"Hold on, Schwag." said Frankie. "The second car to cross is almost there. Do we have a visual? Yes! It's the Stadt!"

"Did you see that?" asked Jesse. "Second to cross!"

"Does this merit a shibby?" asked Chester.

"Maybe next time." said Jesse.

"Team Dude has a lock on second." said Frankie.

"But third is being taken right now!" said Schwag. "And the team grabbing that is none other than the team in the Veloci!"

Tommy was driving as the Veloci raced onto the bridge.

"Call it what you want, but we just might have a shot at this!" said Tommy.

"I call it a good shot." said Max. "Just keep doing what you're doing."

"And that's the top three right there." said Schwag.

"Will any more show up anytime soon?" asked Frankie. "Maybe they will, maybe they...hold on, there's the fourth right now!"

"I see." said Schwag. "It appears to be...Frankie, it appears to be one of the cars from the Counting Crows-Better Than Ezra performance wager!"

"It is?" asked Frankie. "Let's see who it is!"

"Fingers crossed." said Kevin.

"Moment of truth." said Adam.

The roar of the car's engine got louder as it approached the bridge. The cameramen on the scene turned to get a shot of the vehicle. Just then, it appeared. It was...

The PT Phoenix!

"Yeah!" yelled Kevin.

Adam just groaned. "Well, good wager." he said.

"Thanks." said Kevin.

"Well, I guess you've got a performance to set up for." said Adam.

"You know something?" said Kevin. "Why don't you come up there with us?"

"Really?" asked Adam.

"Hey, I could probably use a backup singer." said Kevin. "Why not?"

"You got it." said Adam.

The band set up within minutes. Kevin had his guitar and he shared the microphone with Adam. Tom Drummond strapped on his bass and Travis McNabb took his seat behind the drums.

"Okay, ready?" asked Kevin. "One, two, three..."

Kevin started with his guitar. Tom and Travis joined in a second later. After a few seconds of just music, Adam started to sing.

**When the world is a monster  
bad to swallow you whole,  
Kick the clay that holds the teeth in.  
Throw your trolls out the door.**

Kevin took over singing duties.

**If you're needing inspiration,  
Philomath is where I go, I go.  
Lawyer Jeff, he knows the low-down.  
He's mighty bad to visit home.**

Kevin and Adam then took turns with the lines.

**(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way.)**

Kevin went back to singing alone.

**When your hands are feeling empty,  
stickheads jumping off the ground.  
Tris is sure to shirr the deers out.  
Brother Ray can sing my song.**

Kevin and Adam went back to taking turns.

**(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here, here, here.  
(I've been there, I know the way.)**

Adam took solo vocals this time.

**Hands down, Calechee bound.  
Land locked, kiss the ground.  
The dirt of seven continents going  
round and round.  
Go on ahead, Mr. Citywide.  
Hypnotize, suit and tie.  
Gentlemen testify.**

Kevin went back to singing.

**If your world is a monster  
bad to swallow you whole.  
Philomath, they know the low-down.  
Throw your trolls out the door.**

Kevin went back to trading lines with Adam.

**(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way)  
Can't get there from here.  
(I've been there, I know the way.)**

"Can't Get There From Here" by R.E.M.

DeMarco watched the performance with disgust. It showed that the Cannonballers had not been stopped or slowed down much. Just then, his phone rang. "Hello?"

"Mr. DeMarco, it's Paul from the Highway Hunters."

"Yes?" asked DeMarco.

"I'm sure you've heard the bad news." said Paul.

"The Cannonballers got through." said DeMarco.

"And the Hunters lost their vehicles again." said Paul.

DeMarco groaned. "Can you give me some GOOD news for a change?"

"Actually, I can." said Paul. "You know that military weapon we got out of that truck?"

"What about it?" asked DeMarco.

"I just finished reading the manual." said Paul. "Get ready for this. It's called the Electronic Disruption Beam. It's designed to completely disrupt the electrical activity in a container, rendering it useless."

"What are you saying?" asked DeMarco.

"It's a weapon that drains all of the electricity out of a car battery and brings the car to a grinding halt." said Paul. "We can use it on the Cannonballers."

AN:Please, review.


	6. The Thunder Down Under

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Chapter Six: The Thunder Down Under

AN:Well, here's the next chapter. I hope I was able to present a decent read.  
This chapter also carries a warning for drug use and drug humor. I would just like to state for the record that I do not use drugs, nor would I ever. I just thought this would be a little interesting.  
Also, I'd like to point out that this chapter was originally completed and posted over a year prior to the death of Steve Irwin. This note is being made to avoid any confusion.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Good thing I wrote this with waterproof ink." said Tanner. He and Everett were still soaking wet as they sat at a sidewalk cafe in Miami.

"What kind of safe do they have?" asked Everett.

"It's an Andre 3000." said Tanner.

"Oh, those are pretty tough to crack." said Everett. "I was once hired to blow one open. Damned if the resulting explosion didn't take out the rest of the room and the safe survived. Heh heh. Typical."

"From the looks of things, we're going to need some outside help." said Tanner.

"I know just the guy." said Everett. "I even recommended him for the safe job, but he was in jail at the time. If we're lucky, he's outside again."

"Great, let's get him." said Tanner.

"We have to go to Vice City to get him." said Everett. "Let's go."

XXXXXXXXXX

"As you may have heard, the Cannonballers have now entered Australia." announced David Spade. "Two continents are now down and five more are left to go. If you caught the race last year, you're no doubt aware that a major gun battle occurred in the city of Sydney. As a result, there was a ban on vehicle-mounted weapons this year. Will a similar action sequence take place this year? Hopefully not. Right now, we have an in-car interview with one of the teams. Can we get that?"

The monitor next to him came to life, displaying Malcolm and his brothers in the Fripon X. Reese was driving.

"Hello, guys." said David. "How's the race going?"

"Very well." said Malcolm. "I'm telling you right now this is by far the most exciting experience of my life."

"So what do you think are your prospects of winning?" asked David.

"Are you kidding?" asked Reese. "Have you seen our competition? Yeah, right!"

"Reese, look out!" screamed Malcolm. There was a screech of tires and the camera was tossed about. A second later, Malcolm fixed the camera.

"What just happened?" asked David.

"I dunno!" said Reese. "Some moron almost ran right into us! I'm just driving along and then..."

"Someone's coming right for us!" yelled Francis.

"Exactly!" said Reese.

"No, really!" yelled Francis. There was another screech of tires and more camera shaking.

"Again?" yelled Reese.

"Anyways, I'm really looking forward to seeing other countries." said Malcolm. "Back in my social studies class, we learned about many other cultures and I'd love to see them up close and personal."

"Malcolm told me about some of them." said Reese. "I'd love to see them too. Especially the ones dealing with human sacrifice."

"Okay." said David. "I'll see you at the finish line. Good luck, you guys."

"Thanks, Mr. Spade." said Reese. "By the way, 'Black Sheep' wasn't THAT bad."

"Reese!" yelled Malcolm. Once again, there was tires screeching and camera shaking. This time, there was also the honking of horns.

"Does everybody in this country drive on the wrong side of the road!" yelled Reese just before the video feed closed.

"And that was the team of Malcolm whatever his name is and his brothers." said David. "In other news, we have this guy."

David walked over to Lenny Kravitz and said "So, Lenny. After being silent for two continents, they say you're going to rock out with not one, but two songs."

"That's correct, David." said Lenny. "I decided to make up for my lack of participation by doing double duty. In just a minute or so, I'll be taking to the stage with Sheryl and Slash for a performance. When the racers are leaving the continent, I'll do one of my own songs for them. I thought they'd appreciate the gesture."

"Thank you very much." said David. "By the way, Sheryl and Slash are waiting for you."

"Oh, thanks." said Lenny as he took to the stage. Sheryl Crow and Slash were already there.

"Okay, Lenny, Slash, and I discussed what song to perform." said Sheryl. "Since the race has entered Australia, we thought it would only be appropriate to perform a song by an Australian band."

"Therefore, we've chosen a song by the Vines." said Slash. "And so, here we go."

The musicians started to rip into the song. After playing through the opening, Lenny started to sing.

**I get what I own.  
Don't let the feelings that I choose.  
'Cause everybody else do.**

**Gotta get outtathaway!  
No time for me to stay.  
Everyone in the world don't affect you.**

**We think you're a lot different.  
Your number ain't your thing.  
Your life is on the wrong end.**

**Gotta get outtathaway!  
No time for me to stay.  
Everyone in the world don't affect you.**

**C'mon.  
C'mon.  
C'mon.**

**Gotta get outtathaway!  
No time for me to stay.  
When I speak out of line.  
I don't believe in time.**

-"Outtathaway!" by the Vines

"Alright!" said David. "Let's keep it going out there!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"So, this is Darwin." said Jaleel the Kid. "Nice town."

Suddenly, he came upon a roadblock. The entire street was blocked off.

"What the?" he asked. He stopped and took off his helmet. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Sorry, mate!" said one of the townspeople. "Can't let ya through. You're one of those Cannonballers."

"Is this about the gun battle last year?" asked Kid. "You know, 'cause I wasn't there. This is my first Cannonball."

"Sorry, that's the way it's gotta be." said the guy. "There's a roadhouse just outside the city where the other Cannonballers are congregating. You should go there."

"Thanks." said Kid sarcasticly. He put his helmet back on and rode off in search of the roadhouse.

He passed a local Transfender on his way there. At Transfender, Foyt and the Warrior were having some work done to the Buccaneer.

"Look, sheila, this is some highly unorthodox work." said the shop superintendant. "This is an old Buick and you're putting off-road wheels on it? This isn't exactly designed for the rough stuff if you know what I mean."

"Listen." said Foyt. "We have a very important mission to perform. We need to perform this mission in rough terrain. We need these wheels!"

"Okay, but don't come crying to me when your shocks need replacing." said the superintendant. "Unless, of course, you're going to pay through the nose for that."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Brock, the Australian Prime Minister wants to talk to you." said Mr. X.

"I know what this is about." said Brock as he went to his computer. He activated the video phone and found the Australian Prime Minister on the other end.

"Mr. Yates, I believe you know why I'd like to speak with you."

"It has something to do with the gun battle in Sydney last year, right?" asked Brock.

"Absolutely correct." said the PM. "I tried to assure the Australian people that we wouldn't have a repeat of last year. Unfortunately, they're still afraid something similar is going to happen. They've demanded that the Cannonballers not be allowed on the roads of the nation. I'm afraid I had no choice but to comply."

"So, what happens now?" asked Brock.

"We're working on a solution now." said the PM. "In the meantime, the racers are being sequestered at a roadhouse outside of Darwin."

"So, until we can work something out, no one's racing." said Brock.

"I'm sorry." said the PM. "There was no other way."

"I understand." said Brock. "I'm sure you'll find a reasonable solution."

Brock closed the channel and turned to Mr. X. "Contact Crocodile Dundee and Steve Irwin." he said. "We might need their help on this one."

"On it." said Mr. X. He walked out of the office and passed the betting table. The members of Coldplay were talking to Chloe.

"So, Chloe." said Chris Martin. "Can you give me a status on the Zender Alpha?"

Chloe checked her scoreboard. "It's currently tied for first." she announced.

Chris smiled, then Will Champion asked "What about the Jones J450?"

Chloe went back to the screen and got confused. "It's also tied for first?" she said.

Chris and Will were confused as well. Guy Berryman asked "How is the Stadt doing?"

Chloe checked the scoreboard again. "Huh?" she asked. "That's also tied for first."

"Can you tell me how the Emu is doing?" asked John Buckland.

Chloe went back to the scoreboard. "Take a guess." she said.

"Tied for first?" asked John.

"Yep." said Chloe.

"Let's try this another way." said Chris. "How many cars are tied for first?"

Chloe went back to the scoreboard and came away cringing. "All of them." she said.

"Just as I thought." said Chris.

XXXXXXXXXX

Kid arrived at the roadhouse. He knew it was the right one because the parking lot was jammed with other Cannonballers. There were even some cars parked along the side of the road and on the surrounding lawn. Some other cars were parked with the Cannonballers' cars, presumably the roadhouse's regulars and employees.

Kid parked the Cohete and walked towards the entrance. He passed Cary Ford sitting on the railing outside.

"They wouldn't let you through either?" he asked.

"What do you think?" asked Kid.

He walked up the stairs and passed Hank Hill and his team standing in front of the stairs. Hank, Bill, and Dale were drinking beer while Boomhauer and Bobby were drinking orange soda.

"Yup." said Hank.

"Yup." said Bill.

"Yup." said Boomhauer.

"Oy." said Dale.

Bobby burped. "'Scuse me." he said.

Kid entered the roadhouse. The place was crowded with Cannonballers and regulars.

Super Dave sat in a chair on a table blindfolded and said "Okay, for my next stunt, I will be sitting in this chair blindfolded while an expert Australian dart thrower throws darts at me. My only chance to avoid getting hit will be Fuji's warnings. All set, Fuje?"

"All ready, Super." said Fuji.

"Okay, go!" said Super Dave.

The dart thrower tossed a dart. "Right!" yelled Fuji.

A second later, Super Dave let out a bloodcurtling scream and the dart thrower stared in shock.

"I meant MY right." said Fuji sheepishly.

Cliff walked out of the back room with his arm around the shoulders of one of the regulars. "As you are no doubt aware, Uluru-Kata is actually the Aborigine name for the chunk o' stone you guys call Ayers Rock." he said.

"You know," said the regular "I thank you for the sharing of trivia, but I was just thinking and I think I may have left the oven on in my home."

Cliff released him and let him leave.

As the regular walked towards the door, he muttered "If I hurry, maybe I can stick my head in it!"

"Sammy, you should get this beer for the bar." said Norm. "It just goes down smoothly, no unpleasant aftertaste."

Just then, a heavyset guy wearing a crocodile tooth necklace and a bush hat walked into the roadhouse. "G'Day, mates!" he said.

"Rango!" yelled the regulars. Norm gave him a confused look.

"Max, in Springfield, we encountered an android who called himself 'the Warrior'." said Leonardo. "He asked about you and said he was hired to track you down."

"I know who you're talking about." said Mad Max. "The Warrior is an android, as you said. He was built by a scientist seeking to create the ultimate fighting machine. But he made it too well. The Warrior has no known weakness. It will just keep on attacking until it fulfills its mission. Unfortunately, its first mission was to kill the scientist who made him."

"Well, I guess going to him is out of the question." said Raphael.

"Now, all the warlords I've faced have hired the Warrior to put me out of their misery." said Max. "For that reason alone, I can't stay here any longer than I have to. He'll destroy anything that gets in his way."

"Maybe I can think of a way." said Donatello.

"Good luck." said Highway. "Max just said there's no known way to beat him."

"And then Stanley here turned into Captain Chaos and Yuri couldn't touch him." said George.

"Wait, you're the new Captain Chaos?" asked Jessie.

"Oh yeah." said Stanley. "Flexible hours and great dental plan."

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." said James.

"What?" asked George.

"Oh, there have been some 'winners' to take the Chaos mantle in the past." said Annie. "But this one, oh boy!"

"Hey, if he's so bad, how come you haven't been able to defeat him the past two years?" asked George.

"And, I remind you that the Sora Chaos placed third last year and claimed the $50 million prize." said Kuni.

"Pure luck." said Oakley. "Chaos is a joke. You know it. It will only be a matter of time before we defeat him."

"Maybe." said George. "But not this year."

"May I have your attention please?" Everyone turned to see Chairman Kaga standing in the doorway. "Ladies and gentlemen. The cooking competition is about to begin. Please come outside to attend."

"Does this guy have to have a cookoff everywhere he goes?" asked Raphael.

"Maybe he's trying to find more Iron Chefs." said Michaelangelo.

Outside, a pair of stoves were set up. The Cannonballers gathered to watch. Nearby, the cars were parked. Jarod was sleeping in the Vortex 5. Unlike Johnny Five, Jarod needed sleep occasionally.

Some distance away, Darden and Korpi spied on the action with binoculars. A sand rail was parked behind them.

"What are they doing?" asked Darden.

"I dunno." said Korpi. "They're either gonna bake a cake or wack each other with rolling pins. It could go either way with this crowd."

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Australian Layover Cookoff." announced Kaga. "While we wait for official word on what we're going to do about racing in this country, there will be a brief half hour competition with no theme ingredient. And so, I introduce the two master chefs who will be taking on my Iron Chefs. Please welcome...Jesse Richmond and Chester Greenburg!"

With that, Jesse and Chester walked out of the roadhouse waving to the crowd.

"Welcome." said Kaga.

"Looks like they're killing time before they leave by having a cookoff or something." said Korpi.

"You think they'll actually follow the route we planned?" asked Darden.

"Undoubtably." said Korpi.

"Good, otherwise that's a couple hours planning down the tubes." said Darden.

"Now, since we agreed on a two-on-two competition, there will be no selection of opponent." said Kaga. "And so, Allez Cuisine!"

"Hey, Jesse." said Chester. "Did you bring the _special_ ingredient?"

"Sure did." said Jesse as he took out a small bag of green stuff.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky, Wario and his team were having a pool party.

"Yeah, folks." said Wario. "Just jump right in. The water's fine."

Waluigi walked out of the cabin wearing an innertube, floaties on his arms, noseplugs, and flippers.

"Take those off." said Wario.

"What?" said Waluigi.

"Hey, guys!" yelled Bowser from the diving board. "Watch this!"

"NONONONONONONONONONONONO!" yelled Wario and Waluigi together.

Bowser jumped anyway. He curled into a ball and hit the water hard. The impact caused the above-ground pool to rupture, spilling the water and the swimmers across the lawn.

Wario surveyed the carnage and said "There goes the security deposit."

XXXXXXXXXX

"It is now time for tasting and judgement." said Kaga. "Allow me to introduce our judges. They are former insurance salesman Richard Parker, video game designer Chan Tanaka, renowned car thief Randall 'Memphis' Raines, and police investigator Joe Dominguez. It is time to taste the dishes."

Richard, Chan, and Memphis started to eat Jesse's and Chester's meal immediately. Joe started toeat, but caught a wiff of the dish's smell. "What the..?" he said. "Chairman, don't eat."

"Why not?" asked Kaga before he could eat his first bite.

"It's not kosher." said Joe as he got up. He ran towards Nash and Monk.

"What's he doing?" asked Monk.

"I dunno." said Nash. "Something's up."

Joe ran up to Nash and whispered "Nash, there's a little problem with the food prepared by Mr. Richmond and Mr. Greenburg."

"I'll say." said Monk. "They gave Mr. Raines two breadsticks and everyone else one."

"No, I caught a wiff of their main course and was introduced to an old friend." said Joe. "Her name was Mary Jane."

"You're saying those two dopes made a meal laced with dope?" asked Nash.

"This could be bad." said Monk.

"It gets worse." said Joe.

"I'll say." said Nash. "They're eating it without knowing what's in it."

"What do we do?" asked Joe.

"Right now, the only thing we can." said Nash. He snuck over to Dominic and Jesse James. "Guys, when we hit the road again, don't let Memphis drive." he said.

"How come?" asked Dominic.

"You'll find out." said Nash.

"Chairman, you're not eating?" asked Jesse Richmond.

"I had this for lunch." said Kaga. He looked over at Chan, who started to look rather dazed.

"Hey, that cloud looks like Ryu's fireball." said Chan as he looked into the sky. Kaga looked up to see what he was looking at. It was the sun.

Memphis stared at the back of the Citi Turbo. "Do you realize that if you spell 'Civic' backwards, it spells 'Civic'?" he asked.

"Guys, do those judges seem a little loopy to you?" asked Hank.

"Yo, I tell you man." said Boomhauer. "Dere was dis dang guy..."

Richard listened in to what Boomhauer was saying. Richard heard him say "Richard, I'm speaking this way because I know only you can understand me. I want you to know this. The Yankees will win the World Series."

Chen and Kobe walked over with their dishes and placed them on the table. "Here is our contribution." said Kobe.

"Now, with this meal..." said Chen. The judges dug right in and started wolfing it down without listening to them.

Kaga said "Arigato." and started eating calmly while Kobe and Chen stared in surprise.

"And so, I think you should not allow Richard to drive when we get back on the road." said Monk.

"But I drove the last thousand miles!" said Larry. "Why can't I get a break?"

"Why don't you let Mr. Lomax drive?" asked Monk. "I have yet to see him once behind the wheel."

"Oh. Uh, okay." said Larry as he scratched his head.

"What the hell is going on there?" asked Darden.

"Hold on, look." said Korpi. He pointed at a pair of approaching vehicles, an ATV and a dirtbike.

"Who are they?" asked Darden.

"I dunno." said Korpi. "Let's watch."

The ATV and dirtbike rode up to the crowd and the riders dismounted.

"Not these guys again." said James.

"You know them?" asked Annie.

"Yeah, they're like Swiss clocks." said Jessie.

"Swiss clocks?" asked Oakley.

"Yeah." said Jessie. She then started twirling her finger around her ear and said "Cuckoo! Cuckoo!"

"G'day." said the ATV rider. "Mick Dundee at your service. Oh, and you know my partner Steve Irwin."

"They call him 'Crocodile' Dundee." said Irwin. "They call me the Crocodile Hunter."

"And we call you a pair of raving loonies." said Meowth.

"What's up?" asked J.

"By request of the Cannonball race officials," said Crocodile "I have been asked to scout the dirt roads running through the Outback."

"We found a way around not being able to use the highways." said Irwin. "There's a series of dirt roads running through the Outback that can be navigated to take you to Sydney."

"Take me to Sydney?" asked Jarod as he was waking up. "Oh, that Sydney."

"However, we need to lead you through the area." said Crocodile. "The roads are not well marked."

"Too right." said Irwin. "So, just follow us and we'll get you there."

"Okay, everyone to your cars!" yelled Nash. The Cannonballers ran to their cars as ordered. As Jesse and Chester passed him, Nash grabbed them and threw them up against the Paris Cop Car. "Once we reach Sydney, we're gonna have a little Come To Jesus." he said. "Got it, bubba?"

"Got it, bubba." said Jesse nervously.

"Got it, bubba." said Chester just as nervously.

Nash released them and got into the car.

"Let's get to the Bandito and report back to the others." said Korpi. He and Darden got up and headed back to the sand rail.

"Alright, the turnoff for the dirt roads is a little down that way." said Crocodile. "Just follow me on the Quadbike or Steve on the Sanchez and we'll lead you through the maze."

"Can you get us past him first?" asked Hank as he pointed at a highway patrol car.

"Aw, krikey!" said Irwin.

"This is unit twelve." said the officer in the patrol car. "I'm keeping an eye on the roadhouse. If any Cannonballers try anything, I'll bite."

"How are we going to get past him?" asked Tommy.

"Leave that to us." said Lara as she and her team got into the Zender Alpha. They drove onto the highway within seconds.

"What's her plan?" asked Super Dave.

"I think she was just looking for an excuse for a head start." said Marcus.

"I've got one." said the officer. He pulled out of his hiding place and gave chase. The Zender Alpha pulled over not far away.

Lara and her team got out of the car. "Hello, officer." said Lara. "What seems to be the problem?"

"The problem is that you're one of those Cannonballers." said the officer.

"We weren't speeding, were we?" asked Chun Li.

"No, but you are one of those Cannonballers, right?" said the officer.

"So?" said Joanna. "So are they." She pointed at the other Cannonballers racing for the dirt road.

"Okay, let me see your license." said the officer.

"Okay." said Lara. She zipped open her jumpsuit and took out her license. In the process, she showed off some cleavage.

"Okay, zip it back up." ordered the officer.

"For what reason?" asked Lara.

"You're trying to seduce me." said the officer. "Aren't you?"

"You know, I think you might like to check my license as well." said Chun Li as she repeated the action, showing off some cleavage as well.

"Actually, I wouldn't." said the officer. "And both of you zip it back up."

"Are you sure you only need to check her license?" asked Joanna as she unzipped her jumpsuit and took out her license. She also showed some cleavage.

"Too right." said the officer. "Now, all of you, zip it back up."

Cate unzipped her jumpsuit and took out her license. "I believe there's some protocol that requires you to check all our licenses."

"I'm pretty sure I don't." said the officer. "Now, zip it up or I'll take you in."

"Before you take us in," said Cate "can I get your opinion on something?"

"Like what?" asked the officer.

"Like if this perfume works for me." said Cate as she took out a perfume spritzer.

"I dunno. Let's see." said the officer.

Cate took the perfume spritzer and sprayed the officer.

"I'm not (yawn) so sure that worrrrr..." said the officer as he fell into a deep sleep.

"Nice job." said Joanna. "Good thing you thought of your sleeping gas perfume."

"Quick, put him back in his car." said Lara. Chun Li and Cate picked up the officer and put him into his car.

"How long before he wakes up?" asked Chun Li.

"I don't know." said Cate. "I never stick around long enough to find out."

"Here they come." said Lara.

"Zip up." said Joanna.

"Why?" asked Chun Li. "Oh, I see."

The girls managed to zip up just before the LA Cop Car passed them.

"Ah, damn." said Regis. "Missed it."

"I'll take the north trail and you take the south trail!" yelled Crocodile.

"Oy!" replied Irwin.

"Who do we follow?" asked James. "Idiot one or idiot two?"

"Neither." said Annie. "Go your own way."

"Are you sure?" asked James.

"Yeah." said Annie. "If what you told us was true, we shouldn't trust them to open a sardine can that was already open."

"Alright." said James. He steered away from the trail and took a different road than was charted.

"I didn't know we could do that." said Gonzo. He steered the Modicum onto its own path as well.

XXXXXXXXXX

_**Joel and Fearless**_

Joel and Fearless sat on the hood of the Majestic and watched the race continue on a portable television.

"The green flag's out." said Joel.

"Sure is." said Fearless.

"So, when are those guys supposed to get here?" asked Joel.

"Here they come now." said Fearless. He watched a white Holden Commodore approach.

The Commodore parked and the three men inside climbed out. A slender, average height man with dark hair had been driving and a tall, muscular man with blonde hair was in the front passenger seat. Another man with dark hair and wearing a black suit climbed out of the back.

"Detectives Stevens and Smith, I assume." he said.

"And you must be 'Big Donnie' Cannaglio." said Fearless.

"Oy, that's me." said Big Donnie. "These are my associates, Alex and Rocco. Now, what brings this meeting about?"

"I'm sure you're aware that the worldwide Cannonball Run is currently running through Australia." said Joel.

"What about it?" asked Big Donnie.

"We were wondering if you or your associates as you called them would be willing to help us apprehend these guys." said Fearless.

"And what's in it for us?" asked Alex.

"Taking your line of work into consideration," said Joel "I think it's likely your cooperation on this matter will assist in legal matters in future cases."

"And?" asked Big Donnie.

"And you can have any of the cars we confiscate." said Fearless.

"Alright, it's a deal." said Big Donnie. "Let's get ready for it."

"Okay." said Joel. "Here's the route we think they're taking..."

XXXXXXXXXX

Darden and Korpi returned to the camp they had set up with the other Hunters. Also parked at the camp were a yellow Jeep Wrangler, a red and black off-road truck, and a red and white Ford Ranger.

"What's the word?" asked Feliz.

"The Cannonballers are back racing." said Korpi. "They've taken to the dirt roads criss-crossing the Outback."

"Just like we figured." said Joe.

"You know how that insta-eunich thing works, right?" asked Darden.

"Yeah, it's hooked up to the Dune and everything." said Paul.

"Great, let's go out there and get those guys." said Korpi.

"Remember, Max and Joe have the Mesa," said Darden "Paul and Feliz have the Dune, and Lance and Johnny have the Bobcat."

"Let's go." said Max.

XXXXXXXXXX

"The Cannonballers have now returned to racing." announced Phil Keoghan on television. "Currently, they are taking to the dirt roads of the Australian Outback and are making their way to Sydney."

The men watching the television, Jason Voorhies, Michael Myers, the Creeper, and Leatherface, started to growl to each other. Leatherface pointed to the door and gestured.

XXXXXXXXXX

A highway patrol car chased the Victory through the Outback.

"He's still back there." said Jaws.

"Probably saw the British car and wants to discus our participation in his country's history." said James.

"You mean like how the British originally settled Australia as a penal colony?" asked Jaws.

"Quite." said James. "Some of the empire's nastiest were sent down under. Mean bastards, I might add."

"And now he wants to take us in for racing." said Jaws.

"How dare he?" asked James. "After all we've done for them."

"Whoa, bridge out." said Jaws. The bridge in front of them was not only partially collapsed, but the sides were twisted in opposite ways.

"Hold on." said James as he accelerated.

"What are you doing?" asked Jaws. "The bridge is twisted!"

"That's why I have to do this right." said James.

He raced up his side of the bridge and hit the twisted ramp. The Victory went through the ramp, flipped over in mid-air, and landed on the other ramp perfectly. The police car stopped in its tracks.

"My last date said I was a little twisted." said James.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So, this is the country that gave us Men At Work." said Willow.

"And Silverchair." said Buffy as she drove. "And the Savage Garden. And INXS."

"And don't forget the name of Oz's band." said Xander.

"Past history." said Willow.

Next to them, the Cocotte kept pace.

"Whoa, check it out." said Michaelangelo. "It's that vampire killer babe."

"Yeah." said Raphael. "Wouldn't mind helping her face down an army of undead."

"I can see that now." said Leonardo as he drove. "Buffy, you take those two and I'll take the other sixteen."

"Ha, very funny." said Raphael.

Paul watched them approach through binoculars. "Target in sight." he said.

"Great, let's get this thing ready." said Feliz. Max and Joe were watching.

Paul aimed the EDB at the Torrida and tracked the vehicle. "Steady." he said. "Steady." He fired and a white energy bolt shot from the weapon.

The energy bolt wrapped around the Torrida and the car quickly shut down.

"What the heck?" asked Raphael.

"Floor it, dude!" yelled Michaelangelo.

The Cocotte took off, leaving the Torrida behind.

"What happened?" asked Willow.

"I dunno, it just died on me." said Buffy as she tried to restart the car.

"The other one is getting away." said Max.

"We'll get him." said Feliz as he climbed into the Dune. "You take care of that Teggy."

The Dune raced off in pursuit of the Cocotte while Joe and Max drove towards the Torrida.

"What happened back there?" asked Leonardo.

"Probably some high-tech government superweapon designed to completely nullify the electrical activity in a car's battery." said Donatello.

"How did you know that?" asked Leonardo.

"Lucky guess." said Donatello.

The Mesa parked in front of the Torrida where Buffy, Willow, and Xander had the hood open.

"Leave the gun." said Joe. "They're just two girls and a spaz."

Joe got out of the Mesa. Max followed and left his handgun between the seats. Little did he realize, someone else was watching through another pair of binoculars.

"Looks okay to me." said Buffy.

"I can't see what's wrong with it." said Xander. "Maybe I have my eyepatch over the wrong eye."

"Maybe these guys can help." said Willow as Joe and Max approached.

"Hey, can you help us out?" asked Xander. Joe took out a can of pepper spray and blasted him with it. "Ah! Watch the other eye!" yelled Xander.

"Who are you?" asked Willow.

"You're the ones who did this!" said Buffy.

"You figured that out all by yourself." said Max. "You're smarter than you look."

"I think you'd better come with us." said Joe.

"Yeah, it's very dangerous for a young lady like you out here." said Max.

Max tried to grab Buffy, but she managed to flip him over her shoulder. Joe tried to get her next, but Buffy quickly shot her foot into his stomach. She then spun and kicked Max in the back as he was getting up.

"Yeah!" yelled Willow as she threw fake punches. "Get 'em, Buffy!"

The person watching them then dropped the binoculars and stepped on them, crushing one side.

Meanwhile, the Cocotte continued to escape from the Dune.

"They're staying with us!" yelled Michaelangelo. "Totally bogus, man!"

"Leonardo, get us out of here!" yelled Raphael.

"Small problem with that." said Leonardo. "Apparently, we're almost out of gas."

"There's a gas station up ahead." said Donatello. "Hey, maybe we can take care of them there."

"Good idea." said Leonardo.

"Would you expect anything less from me?" asked Donatello.

Joe managed to get back to his feet. He charged at Buffy, but she took his hand and kicked him in the back of the knee, then the small of his back, then his elbow.

Max tried to grab Willow, but she responded with a kick to the flank, followed by a kick to the chest, finishing with an uppercut to the chin.

"Where'd you learn those moves?" asked Buffy, clearly impressed.

"Hey, after running with you for eight years, I was bound to pick up something." laughed Willow.

The mysterious viewer used the lenses from the binoculars to focus a concentrated beam of sunlight on the action of the gun between the seats.

Buffy grabbed Joe by the hair and asked him "Okay, who are you working for?"

"I'm not telling you anything." said Joe.

"Talk or your hairline gets it." said Buffy.

"Release me or the redhead gets it." said Joe. Buffy looked to see Max had gotten back up and grabbed Willow.

"Do as he says." said Max.

Suddenly, the concentrated sunbeam on the gun heated it enough to set it off. The gun fired into the Jeep's fuel tank, causing it to explode.

The explosion distracted Max enough to release Willow. Buffy threw Joe at him and took cover with her friend.

Willow raised her hands towards them and chanted "S'eoj ta tae!" A blue energy ball shot from her hands and engulfed Joe and Max. A second later, they disappeared.

"What did you do to them!" asked a shocked Buffy.

Somewhere else in the world, Joe and Max sat on a rock in the middle of a water tank at an aquarium.

"How hard can it be to lose four giant turtles in a beat-up old Escort?" asked Paul.

"Well, we just answered that question, so shut up." said Feliz.

"Wait, there they are." said Paul as they came upon the gas station. The Cocotte was parked at the pumps. The Turtles were not in it.

Paul and Feliz parked the Dune and started looking for the teens in green. "Where'd those shellbacks go?" asked Feliz.

"We're right here." said Leonardo as the Turtles tumbled out of their hiding places and took ninja stances.

"I'll have you know we can counter just about any martial arts maneuver." said Paul.

"Maybe." said Leonardo. "But can you counter this?"

The Turtles ran over to the Dune and each grabbed the end of one of the bumpers. Then, they lifted the truck off the ground.

Paul and Feliz stared in shock. Then, they ran.

"See?" said Leonardo. "It's possible to solve problems without violence."

"Good, 'cause I can't hold this thing up another second." said Raphael.

"Xander, are you alright?" asked Buffy.

"Yeah, I'm okay now." said Xander.

"Buffy, you were so awesome with those fighting moves." said Willow.

"That teleportation spell of yours wasn't too bad either." said Buffy.

"Which one of you blew up the Jeep?" asked Xander.

Buffy and Willow looked at each other confused. "Wasn't me." they both said.

"Actually, it was me." said the man who had been watching them. He was wearing blue jeans, a brown shirt, and hiking boots and had his hair fixed in a mullet.

"Oh." said Willow. "Thanks."

"No prob." said the man. "The name's MacGyver. I was working on an ecological survey for the Phoenix Foundation when I got contacted by the Banzai Institute."

"Wait, you're an agent of the Phoenix Foundation AND a Blue Blaze Irregular?" asked Buffy.

"Kind of." said MacGyver. "The Phoenix Foundation has a contract with the Banzai Institute. My doing this was my part in fulfilling our side of the bargain. So, what's going on?"

"Well, we're taking part in the Cannonball Run when the car died." said Buffy. "Then those guys attacked and you know the rest."

"Could I take a look at the car?" asked MacGyver. "I think I might know what's wrong with it."

XXXXXXXXXX

Cary raced along a road. He checked his watch and noted that he was making good time.

He checked his rearview and saw Kid coming up behind him. He tried to block him, but Kid passed him anyway.

Cary poured it on and kept pace with Kid. "Last one to Sydney cleans the bikes!" he said.

"Child's play!" said Kid. "Challenge me when you have a decent threat."

"Last one takes a 24 hour penalty!" said Cary.

"I can make that up in my sleep!" said Kid.

"Last one buys gas!" said Cary.

"Now, you're talking!" said Kid. He gave the grip a twist and took off.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Bestia raced along the dirt backroads with Jesse James behind the wheel. Dominic sat in the front passenger seat while Memphis, still high on Jesse and Chester's dinner, sat in back.

"Ooh, I got another idea for a 'Monster Garage' episode." said Memphis. "A fire truck limo."

"We already did that." said Jesse.

"Second episode." said Dominic.

"I know." said Memphis. "But have you tried making a limo out of a fire truck?"

Jesse stuck his tongue out and wagged it side to side and twirled his finger around his ear.

"Oh, another idea." said Memphis. "How about taking a street racer and returning it to its original form?"

"Okay, here's an idea." said Dominic. "We're trying to drive and navigate up here, so here's a pen." Dominic handed Memphis a pen. "Here's a pad of paper." Dominic handed Memphis a paper pad. "From now on, write down your ideas."

"That is pure GENIUS, man!" said Memphis. He then grabbed Dominic by the head and kissed him on the scalp.

"How long until that weed wears off?" asked Dominic.

"Oh sure, ask the guy who used to be a bodyguard for a heavy metal band." said Jesse.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well, that's it for the Twinkies." said George.

"I'm out of wasabi." said Kuni. "I think we need to stop for food."

"There's a general store." said Stanley. "Should I stop there?"

"Yeah, you can stop there." said George.

Stanley pulled up to the general store and the three got out of the Super Taxi.

"Here's what we need." said George as he handed Stanley a shopping list and some money. "We'll stay out here and watch the car."

"Okay." said Stanley. He entered the store.

An old pickup truck pulled up behind the Super Taxi. Jason got out and Michael Myers drove off.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" asked Kuni.

"He's just buying groceries." said George. "He'll be fine. We just need to worry about someone sabotaging the Super Taxi."

Suddenly, Jason snuck up behind Kuni and grabbed him. Kuni was held in such a position, he couldn't fight back.

"Whoa!" yelled George. He tried to run, but Jason ran up behind him and grabbed him too.

Jason then dragged the two towards the front passenger's side door, held them against the car with one hand, opened the door, and pushed the trunk release. He then dragged them back to the trunk, stuffed them in, and closed it.

Jason then walked back to the driver's door and got in. Stanley had left the keys in the ignition, so Jason just started it and drove off.

Stanley walked out of the store a minute later with a bag full of groceries. "Okay, guys!" he yelled. "I got us a lot of goodies and...guys? Guys?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Richard sat in the back of the Ascent 470ds with Bernie while Larry drove.

"So, what do you think of our competition?" asked Richard. A couple of seconds later, he burst out laughing. "That's a good one, Bernie!" he said.

"Why thank you, Richard." said Bernie.

"So, why aren't you driving, Bernie?" asked Richard.

"Because I'm dead." said Bernie.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." said Richard as he hugged Bernie and cried. Larry looked back in shock.

"I'm sorry I tried to have you killed." said Bernie.

"I'm sorry you got killed." said Richard.

"Can I tell you a secret?" asked Bernie.

"Yes?" asked Richard.

"All of that stuff I put into your fake suicide note?" said Bernie. "That was actually what I and a friend did when we were interns."

"Can I tell you a secret too?" asked Richard.

"Yes?" asked Bernie.

"You know all that stuff you put in our fake suicide note?" said Richard. "It's all true."

"Richard!" yelled Larry.

XXXXXXXXXX

Dylan, Natalie, and Alex leaned against the Karuma somewhere in the Outback.

"How much longer?" asked Natalie.

"Couldn't they have gone at the roadhouse?" asked Alex.

"I bet they thought we'd be stopping frequently for us." said Dylan.

Some distance away, Wayne and Garth were relieving themselves.

"Hey, Wayne." said Garth. "Watch me write my name in the sand."

"That's nothing." said Wayne. "Watch me water this bush."

Wayne aimed for the bush and started to hear the "water" patter on the bush. Then, he heard it hit something more solid. A second later, he and Garth were shocked when Michael Myers stood up out of the bush and brushed himself off.

"Whoa! He looks mad!" said Garth.

"He looks like Shatner." said Wayne.

They tried to run, but Wayne tripped over a rock and fell.

"Wayne!" yelled Garth.

"Get help!" yelled Wayne.

"Come on, any day now." said Dylan.

"Angels!" yelled Garth as he ran to the girls while trying to button his pants. He failed, his pants fell down, and he tripped and fell.

"Garth, what's going on?" asked Natalie.

"Some masked weirdo just came after Wayne and myself." gasped Garth. "Please! You have to help him!"

"We're on our way." said Alex.

The Angels ran over to where Wayne was grabbed and found Michael carrying him away.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked Dylan.

Michael turned around to face them.

"Oh my God, it's Michael Myers." said Alex.

"Yeah, I get that a lot." said Wayne. "People say I look..."

"Not you!" said Dylan. "I was talking about the masked man who's kidnapping you."

"Oh." said Wayne. "Well, could you stop him, please?"

"You got it." said Dylan.

She and the other Angels went into action. Dylan flew into action with a jump kick. Michael shrugged off the kick and pushed her aside.

"My turn." said Alex. She dashed into action and did a somersault. She came down on Michael and wrapped her arms around his neck. He started to turn from side to side and tried to toss her off.

Natalie ran in to help and hit Michael with her elbow. He stumbled back a step, then managed to toss Alex. He then grabbed Natalie and walked towards the pickup truck.

"Let me go." said Natalie.

Michael tossed them into the truck, then drove off with them.

Alex and Dylan got back up and Garth ran over. "We have to go after him!" he yelled.

"That's easier said than done." said Dylan. "Natalie had the keys."

XXXXXXXXXX

At the general store, Stanley tried flagging down any car that drove by. Finally, the Interna pulled up to him.

"Uh, what seems to be the problem?" asked Butthead.

"You gotta help me!" said Stanley. "I went in to grab some food and when I came back, George and Kuni were gone and so was the Super Taxi!"

"Face it, man. Heh heh." said Beavis. "He blew you off. Heh heh."

"Come on!" said Stanley. "You have to help me look for them!"

"Uh...okay." said Butthead. "Beavis, scoot over."

"Heh heh, you said 'scoot'." said Beavis as he climbed up on the center console.

Stanley climbed in next to him and dropped his groceries on the floor. "Let's go." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Amata...

"How does this sound?" asked Chan, still feeling the effects of Jesse and Chester's meal. "After you've raced a certain number of tracks, the game lets you race those tracks again?"

"Uh, that sounds good." said Hsu.

"What?" asked Sushi X.

"Humor him." whispered Hsu.

"Oh, you know how many racing games allow you to unlock parts you can use to upgrade your car?" asked Chan. "How about we offer all the parts right at the start so you don't have to unlock them?"

"Uh, good idea." said Hsu.

"Oh, and for cars." said Chan. "You know how everybody else has the usual high-end exotics like Mercedes, Lamborghini, Nissan Skyline? Let's feature cars like Yugos, Pontiac Azteks, AMC Gremlins..."

"We're making magic here." said Hsu.

"Now, I know this is how the design sessions for 'Army Men' went." groused Sushi X.

XXXXXXXXXX

Paul and Feliz drove down the road.

"I thought those turtles would never leave." said Paul.

"At least they didn't hurt the Dune." said Feliz.

"Wait, what's that?" asked Paul as he pointed to the L.A. Cop Car in front of them.

"What's an LAPD cruiser doing in Australia?" asked Feliz.

"He must be in the race." said Paul.

"Let's take him down." said Feliz.

Paul climbed out and activated the EDB. He lined up the L.A. Cop Car in his sights.

"Bye bye." he said. He fired a shot at the car. It quickly shut down and drifted off to the side of the road.

Feliz drove off laughing.

"What did you do to it?" asked Regis.

"Me? You're the one who had the radio on!" replied Marcus.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I just got a call from Stanley." said Chloe. "He says he can't find George, Kuni, or the Super Taxi."

"Chloe, come here a second." said Danny. "You have to see this."

Danny led her to another computer where Brock was sitting. "We just received this via e-mail." he said. He opened the attached video file.

"This better not be that monkey who scratches himself, sniffs it, and passes out." said Chloe.

The video played. George, Kuni, Wayne, and Natalie were in chairs tied up. Jason stood guard next to them.

"Hi, Brock!" said George. "How's the race going?"

Michael Myers walked in with a stack of cue cards. He held up the first which read "As you can see, your racers are alive." He went to the next card which read "If you'd like them to stay that way," He went to the next card which read "you will deliver a sum no less than half the prize." He then went to the next card which read "You have 24 hours to e-mail me with your response."

Jason walked over with a card of his own and tapped Michael on the shoulder. Michael let out a groan and waved his hands around.

"I think you'd better let him do what he wants." said Wayne. "After all, he is a hockey fan."

Michael sighed and stepped aside. Jason stepped in front of the camera and held up the card. It read "HI MOM!" in big red letters.

Michael stepped over to Jason growling and waving his hands. He knocked the card out of his hands, then pushed him. Jason fell back into a tarp and ripped it down, exposing a window. He got back up and gave Michael the finger.

"After this, it gets weird." said Brock as he paused the video.

"Gets?" asked Chloe.

"We called you in because as a counter-terrorism agent," said Danny "you're no doubt experienced with cases involving ransom demands. Any ideas?"

"Not yet." said Chloe. She looked at the screen again. "Wait, look at this." She pointed to the window Jason exposed. "See these mountains? I'll bet there aren't a lot of mountain ranges that look like that in Australia."

"Are you saying you can pinpoint their location?" asked Brock.

"Without a doubt." said Chloe.

"Okay, let's do it." said Brock.

Chloe went to her computer. "I'll limit the search to Australia." she said. "It'll go faster that way."

"You also might want to eliminate West Australia and South Australia from your search." said Danny. "Those wouldn't be on the race route."

"You could also limit yourself to the range the Super Taxi could cover after leaving the roadhouse." said Brock. "We have a set time for that."

"And checking for buildings in the remaining area." said Chloe as she brought up a few satellite photos of buildings. "And we have...a few. Hold on. What is this?" She pointed to a yellow speck near the building in one of the photos.

"Zoom in." said Danny. Chloe zoomed in on the speck. "That's the Super Taxi." said Danny. "Good work, Chloe."

"Send the location to the protectors." said Brock.

"Actually, Brock." said Danny. "I think this is a job for Captain Chaos."

XXXXXXXXXX

Marcus and Regis looked at the battery.

"What's wrong with it?" asked Regis.

"I dunno." said Marcus. "It looks fine to me."

"Well, we're going to have to hitch a ride." said Regis. "They probably don't have cel phone service out here."

"Cel phone service?" said Marcus. "They probably don't have zip codes out here."

"Here comes someone." said Regis. A truck was approaching.

"We're in luck. It's a road train." said Marcus. He grabbed the shotgun out of the car and hid it behind his back while Regis flagged down the road train.

The truck stopped right in front of them. The driver leaned out of the window and said "G'day. What seems to be the problem?"

"Something's wrong with the battery." said Regis. "It just stopped. Can you give us a lift to the next auto parts store?"

"Sorry." said the driver. "But I don't give rides to tourists."

"That's okay." said Marcus as he whipped out the shotgun and pointed it at the driver. "We're not tourists."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Interna pulled up to the area near where Jason and Michael were holding the Cannonballers.

Stanley climbed out and looked at the shack. "Okay, this must be the place." he said. "Give me a minute."

"Okay, we're here, Chloe." said Butthead. "I think we can take it from here."

"Hey, Chloe. Heh heh." said Beavis. "What are you wearing? Heh heh."

"Uh, Butthead." said Chloe. "You're parked on an incline. You might want to set the parking brake."

"Oh, huh huh, right." said Butthead. He pulled the handbrake and hit Beavis in the crotch with it, eliciting a bloodcurtling scream.

They then got out of the car. "Where'd that fartknocker go?" asked Beavis.

Stanley jumped out from behind a rock wearing the Chaos mask and cape and called "DA DA DAAAAAAA!"

"Whoa!" said Butthead. "It's that...uh...uh...uh...could you like repeat that a few times?"

"No time." said Chaos. "I must go rescue my friends. Wait here, for this will be dangerous."

With that, he took off for the shack with his cape flowing behind him. Beavis and Butthead watched him run off. Ten seconds later, they got bored.

"This sucks." said Butthead.

"Yeah." said Beavis. "What do we do?"

"I know!" said Butthead. "Let's eat his groceries."

"Yeah, yeah." said Beavis.

Butthead reached into the bag of groceries and pulled out a package of ramen noodle mix, opened it, and started eating the dry noodles. Beavis took out a tall can, opened it, and downed the contents. He started laughing and took out another can. He opened it and downed its contents as well.

Beavis was now laughing and hyperventilating as he took a third can. He opened it and downed the contents as well. Suddenly, he started hyperventilating and looking around rapidly. He then pulled up his t-shirt until the collar framed his face, held his arms straight out to the sides, bent his elbows so his hands pointed straight up, and flattened his hands so the palms faced forward.

He then walked off after Chaos. Butthead could do nothing but watch him leave. Curious, he picked up the can Beavis had drank from and looked at it. It was a can of Red Bull.

"Whoa!" he said. "Red Bull gives you wings! Huh huh!"

In the shack, Jason and Michael paced around waiting for a response from Brock.

Meanwhile, George related a story to the others "I had never been on a real airplane before and I gotta say it was really great...except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor, and the little kid in back of me kept throwing up the whole time, and the flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts, and the in-flight movie was 'Biodome' with Pauly Shore, and, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out and we went into a tailspin and we crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in a huge fireball and EVERYBODY DIED! Except for me."

Just then, Chaos burst through the window and called "DA DA DAAAAAAAA!"

"Chaos!" yelled Kuni.

"We're saved!" said Wayne.

Jason and Michael turned towards him and jumped in to stop him. Jason went head-to-head with him first.

"Nice mask." said Chaos. He lifted it and said "I see why you wear it."

Jason angrily flipped his mask back down. Chaos used the opportunity to grab him by the shirt and throw him over a table.

Michael grabbed him by his cape and tried to pull him in. Chaos jumped up and kicked him in the chest. Michael was knocked into the computer.

Chaos ran over to the hostages and started untying George. "Don't worry, George. You're safe now."

"Chaos, behind you!" said George.

Michael grabbed Chaos and threw him into the wall. Chaos pushed off the wall and kicked Michael in the chest again. Jason used the distraction to grab him and put him in a half nelson. Michael took out his knife and approached him.

"Is that all you've got?" asked Chaos.

Michael walked towards him. Just as he passed a door, Beavis kicked it open and hit Michael in the chest with it, knocking him back.

Chaos then stomped on Jason's foot and elbowed him in the ribs, then pushed him back. He then turned to Beavis and said "Good citizen Beavis, I thought I told you to wait outside."

"Who is Beavis?" asked Beavis. "I am Cornholio! I seek t.p. for my bunghole!"

"Well, as long as you're here, you might as well help." said Chaos.

"Right." said Beavis. "I'll take the ugly one. Heh heh. You take the other ugly one. Heh heh."

Jason got back up to fight with Chaos. He threw a couple of punches, both of which Chaos blocked. Chaos returned with a punch of his own, but Jason shrugged it off.

Michael came at Beavis with his knife and growled. Beavis kicked him in the groin, turning the growl into a moan.

Chaos threw Jason over the table again and went for the hostages. This time, he untied Kuni. "I think I could use your help on this one." he said.

"Right." said Kuni. He jumped to his feet and took his karate stance.

Jason saw he was outnumbered, but still attacked. Kuni ran up and delivered a series of punches to Jason's chest. He followed with a roundhouse kick that sent Jason stumbling towards Chaos.

Chaos didn't even lay a hand on him. He just grabbed a nearby bookcase and pushed it over so it fell on him.

Kuni ran over and high-fived Chaos. "Nice work." he said.

"Oh yeah!" said Chaos. Beavis walked over and laughed like he usually does.

Suddenly, Jason burst out of the back of the fallen bookcase. Chaos, Kuni, and Beavis all took a fighting stance. Jason just raised a fist, then fell on his face. He'd had enough.

"Gentlemen, let's untie the hostages." said Chaos. He and the others walked over to George, Natalie, and Wayne.

Just then, Dylan, Alex, and Garth burst through the door. "Okay!" said Dylan. "It's time to..."

"Never mind." said George. Garth walked away sheepishly.

Within minutes, the hostages were freed and leaving the shack.

"When that guy showed up, you were pale!" said Garth.

"You were bucket!" said Wayne.

"How was I?" asked Beavis.

"You did good, Beavis." said Butthead. "But if you ever do anything that stupid again, I'm gonna kick your ass."

"Hey, George." said Natalie. "Are you gonna finish your story?"

"At the finish line." said George.

Stanley had taken off the Chaos mask before he walked over. "Hey, we gotta go." he said. "Otherwise, someone else will get there first."

"Yeah, he's right." said Alex. "Let's go!"

The Cannonballers ran back to their cars with George, Beavis, and Natalie driving. They started up and drove out.

Michael stumbled to the doorway just as the Super Taxi was driving by. Kuni rolled down his window and yelled "STUPID! You're so stupid!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Marcus drove the road train down the dirt road. The LA Cop Car was on the rearmost of the three trailers. "The way I figure it, we'll be in Sydney within a couple of hours." he said. "Then we can get that new battery."

"And I can make my pickup." said the driver from the center seat.

"So, do you usually ply these routes alone?" asked Regis in the left passenger seat.

"No, I usually have Chester with me." said the driver.

"Who's Chester?" asked Regis as he looked out the window. A second later, he turned to see the driver had taken a ventriloquist's dummy out of the sleeper cab.

"What did you do to your car, man?" asked the dummy. "Were you running it hard? Were you racing it? You were racing it, weren't you?"

Regis looked up at the driver. The driver flashed a smirk and shrugged. Regis looked back at the dummy.

The dummy looked Regis in the eye and suddenly said "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Regis immediately grabbed the door handle and threw himself out of the cab.

Marcus saw what happened, stopped, and climbed out. He walked over to Regis and said "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I think so." said Regis as he got back up.

"Good, now come on." said Marcus. He led his brother back to the truck. "Nice move." he chided.

"Hey, at that point, my decision was made." said Regis.

Darden and Korpi watched through binoculars. The other Hunters, except for Joe and Max, had joined them.

"These guys don't give up easily." said Korpi.

"What do you expect?" asked Darden. "They're Cannonballers."

"I think we should take them out." said Lance.

"Why not?" said Korpi. "Let's get 'em."

"Wait." said Paul. "There's a lot more coming up."

"Okay." said Darden. "More targets."

Just then, the Buccaneer pulled up. "What are you doing standing there?" asked Foyt. "Let's get moving!"

The road train was back on the road quickly. Shortly afterward, the Baja Buggy, Schneller V8, Modo Prego, and newly repaired Torrida surrounded it.

"Hey, what's going on?" asked Mad Max from the Baja Buggy's driver's seat.

"Car trouble!" said Marcus.

"What happened?" asked Buffy from the front passenger seat of the Torrida.

"Battery quit!" yelled Regis.

"Been there, done that!" replied Buffy.

Buffy turned to her teammates and said "Hear that? It's an epidemic."

"Maybe you should give them that baobab tree solution, Mac." said Willow as she drove.

"I didn't even know you could do that." said Xander.

"Use it sparingly." said MacGyver. "I wasn't able to make that much."

"Guys, we've got a problem!" said Willow as she looked in the rearview.

"Those are the guys who used that ray gun on us!" said Xander.

"Are you sure?" asked Buffy.

"Hey, the guy with one eye noticed." said MacGyver.

Buffy took the CB and said "Guys, we have attackers! Floor it!"

The Cannonballers tried to outrun the Hunters, but the Hunters' vehicles were designed for the rough terrain and were easily catching up.

**Breathe in, breathe out.  
Breathe in, breathe out.  
Breathe in.**

"Let's board 'em!" said Korpi as he climbed out of the Bandito's passenger seat.

**Breathe in, breathe out.  
Breathe in, breathe out.  
Breathe in.**

The Bandito and Bobcat pulled alongside the road train and Korpi and Johnny climbed onto it.

**Tied to a wheel.  
My fingers gotta feel.  
Bleeding though it's okay to smile.**

The truck driver looked in his rearview and saw the Hunters on the side of the trailer. "Rustlers on our six!" he announced.

**I spin on a whim.  
I slide to the right.  
I felt you like electric light.**

"Ever get that creepy deja vu feeling?" said Mad Max. "Take the wheel!" He climbed out of the driver's seat and climbed aboard the road train. Highway took his place.

**For our love.  
For our fear.  
For our rise against the years and years and years.**

Paul started preparing the EDB for firing and aimed it at the road train.

**Got a machinehead.  
It's better than the rest.  
Green to red.  
Machinehead.**

"He's going to use that battery draining ray." said Corvax.

**Got a machinehead.  
It's better than the rest.  
Green to red.**

"I must stop him then." said the T-1000.

**And I walk from my machine.  
I walk from my machine.**

The T-1000 climbed out of the Schneller V8 and jumped onto the front of the Dune. He then pulled back his head and smashed a hole in the windshield. After that, he flowed through it. Feliz jumped into the passenger seat.

**Breathe in, breathe out.  
Breathe in, breathe out.  
Breathe in.**

Before regaining his colors, the T-1000 looked at Feliz and said "Get out." Feliz complied and the speeding vehicles narrowly missed him.

**Deaf, dumb, and thirty.  
And starting to deserve this.  
Leaning on my conscience wall.**

Korpi and Johnny tried to push the L.A. Cop Car off the trailer, but were distracted when Max elbowed Korpi in the back. Johnny jumped back, then they teamed up against Max.

**Blood is like wine.  
Unconcious all the time.  
If I had it all again, I'd change it all.**

Max jumped to the top of the trailer with Korpi and Johnny right behind him. Korpi threw a punch at him, but Max blocked it. Johnny tried to grab him, only to be smacked headfirst into Korpi.

**Got a machinehead.  
It's better than the rest.  
Green to red.  
Machinehead.**

Paul took aim at the road train, but the T-1000 swerved every so often to mess up his shot.

**Got a machinehead.  
It's better than the rest.  
Green to red.**

Max had made his way to the front trailer and saw that Korpi and Johnny were coming at him. He also saw a crane with its hook lowered right in front of them.

**And I walk from my machine.  
I walk from my machine.**

Max grabbed the hook and swung off to the side. He landed on the second trailer...and came face-to-face with the Warrior.

"No way out." said the Warrior.

"But one." said Max.

**That's my, my generation.  
Oh ho.**

The Warrior tried to punch Max and Max managed to fend off the punch. Max whipped out his shotgun and fired it at the Warrior. The Warrior just stumbled back a bit, then kept coming.

**Breathe in, breathe out.  
Breathe in, breathe out.  
Breathe in.  
Breathe in.  
Breathe in.**

Max fired his shotgun a couple of times at the Warrior, only to miss both times due to rather skillful dodging. The Warrior produced a throwing knife, then tossed it at Max. Max caught it in the stock of his shotgun, then pulled it out.

**Got a machinehead.  
It's better than the rest.  
Green to red.  
Machinehead.**

Foyt pulled alongside in the Buccaneer and aimed her handgun at the road train.

Paul finally got a clear shot at the road train and pulled the trigger. The T-1000 swerved again and the shot missed. Unfortunately, it hit the Modo Prego.

**Got a machinehead.  
It's better than the rest.  
Green to red.**

Just as Foyt was about to shoot, Highway sideswiped her with the Baja Buggy. Since she only had one hand on the wheel, she lost control and spun out.

The Modo Prego was crackling with the energy from the EDB's shot. Suddenly, the shot was fired back at the Dune.

**Better than the rest.**

The T-1000 tried to keep the Dune going, but the battery quickly went dead. Paul realized what was about to happen, grabbed the EDB, and jumped from the Dune into the Bobcat's bed.

**Better than the rest.**

The Dune spun out directly in front of the road train. Marcus laughed as he sped towards it.

**Better than the rest.**

The road train slammed into the side of the Dune, ripping it to shreds. The wreckage ended up exploding.

**Machinehead-head-head-head-head.**

Max used the explosion to distract the Warrior and fire off a shotgun blast in its face. While the android was recovering from the muzzle flash, Max jumped onto the roof of the Baja Buggy.

**And I walk from my machine.  
I walk from my machine.**

-"Machinehead" by Bush

Korpi saw what was coming and jumped onto the side of the Bandito. The Warrior regained his vision and saw a low bridge...just before he slammed into it and was knocked off the trailer.

Corvax and the T-X looked at the flaming wreckage of the Dune. "What are you hoping to find?" asked Corvax.

"That." said the T-X as the T-1000's silvery form walked out of the flames, then changed back into his cop form.

"I think I was in the wrong lane." he joked.

Foyt pulled up next to the Warrior and got out of the Buccaneer. She walked over to him and helped him up. "I can't take you anywhere, can I?" she said.

XXXXXXXXXX

"What's going on out there?" asked Brock. "We've gotten reports of the Highway Hunters using a weapon that drains car batteries and members of two teams have been captured by masked psychos."

"It gets worse." said Danny.

"What? What?" asked Brock.

"Crocodile and Steve have lost most of the pack." said Danny.

"What? How?" asked Brock.

"I had less than half of the field on my tail and thought everybody else was with Crocodile." said Irwin over satellite. "I didn't find out otherwise until we ran into each other."

"I thought half the teams were behind me the whole time." said Crocodile who was also over satellite. "The bloody Quadbike's engine was so loud, I couldn't hear that most of them had turned off."

"Well, look for them." said Brock. "You are now officially part of the security team."

"Right, I understand." said Crocodile.

"Good luck, guys." said Brock.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Do you really think there's more villains out there?" asked Tails as Sonic drove through the Outback.

"More than likely." said Sonic. "That's why we asked you to take a trip into the sky to look."

"Okay." said Tails. "Leave it to me!"

With that, Tails started spinning his tails and took off flying.

"I don't see what Sonic was so worried about." said Tails as he looked out over the Outback. "I don't see any threats."

He looked down at his shadow. Suddenly, he saw another shadow next to it. He looked over at what was creating the shadow and saw Luigi flying next to him with a raccoon tail and raccoon ears.

"What are you doing here?" asked Tails.

"Reconnaisance." said Luigi. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Back off!" said Tails. "I'm flying here."

"Not doing it." said Luigi. "I'm getting this."

"Get out of here, pasta boy!" said Tails as he flew closer and shoved Luigi.

"Ah, shaddupayourface!" yelled Luigi as he did a spinning tail whip. Unfortunately, he ended up losing his flying ability and started to plummet to the ground with Tails.

Tails slammed into a rock with Luigi following suit a second later. The plumber lost his raccoon ears and tail in the process.

Tails moaned. Luigi groaned "Mama mia."

"That was a dumb move." said Tails.

"Si, si." said Luigi. "Let's not do it again."

Suddenly, a large shadow swept over them. They looked up to see what it was. It was the Creeper. They screamed.

XXXXXXXXXX

The ice cream truck drove along. Shaggy was behind the wheel.

"We're lost, aren't we?" asked Daphne.

"No." said Shaggy. "The bridge we want is just a mile ahead."

"Reah!" said Scooby Doo. "Re're rot rost."

Behind them, the Bryanston V came roaring up with Sam behind the wheel, Ben reading the map, Max sitting on Ben's head, and Bernard sleeping in the backseat.

"I can't believe we're actually behind these guys." said Sam.

"It would help if I could actually figure this thing out." said Ben. "However, I'm sure the bridge we have to cross is within a mile."

"No it's not." said Max.

"Of course it is." said Ben. "Using the nearby landmarks and the position of the sun, I can figure out that the bridge is just ahead."

"No it's not." said Max.

"Humor him." said Sam.

Down the road, Alex and Rocco rigged up the bridge with explosives.

"Are you sure this is gonna work?" asked Rocco.

"Absolutely." said Alex. "I'm the brains of this duo, remember?"

"Oh, right." said Rocco. "Hey!"

"Here they come." said Alex. "Goodbye, bridge." He pushed the button on the detonator. The bridge was blown to pieces just as the two vehicles approached.

"Zoinks!" yelled Shaggy as he went for the brakes.

"Holy cripes on toast!" yelled Sam as he did the same. The action sent Max flying into the windshield.

The two vehicles came to a halt just before the bridge. Alex and Rocco watched as the Cannonballers vacated their vehicles.

"Damn." said Alex. "I was kind of hoping they'd actually drive off the bridge."

"But it's still an inconvenience, right?" asked Rocco.

"Oy." said Alex. "Let's go set up the next one."

"Max, wake up Bernard." said Sam as he got out of the car.

"Got it." said Max. He hopped into the backseat and opened his mouth.

Sam and Ben found the Mystery Inc. Team out of the truck and looking at the destroyed bridge.

Bernard let out a scream of intense pain from the car. A second later, Max jumped out with Bernard right behind him, holding his ear.

"Jinkies, what happened?" asked Velma.

"Someone blew up the bridge." said Ben. "Damn. We coulda used that."

"What do we do now?" asked Freddie. "There probably isn't another bridge for miles."

"If I may." said Bernard. "I think we should make a ramp and jump the gap."

"A ramp?" asked Daphne.

"If I can make the right calculations," said Bernard "I can figure out the correct angle and length to minimize the amount of wood we'll need and the required speed to make the jump."

"Sounds like a plan." said Shaggy.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Bart, do you remember when you made that collect call to Australia?" asked Lisa.

"Oh yeah." said Bart. "That was cool."

"And they tried to punish you with the Boot?" asked Lisa.

"Yeah, good times." said Bart.

"Bart, you nearly caused an international incident!" said Marge.

"I know." said Bart. "Personal best."

"I'll show you personal best!" said Homer. Suddenly, the Citi Turbo was rammed from behind by the black van. "Hey! Watch your space cushion!" yelled Homer.

Lisa gasped. "That must be the black van that attacked Doctor Banzai!" she said.

"He also attacked Charlie's Angels and nearly finshed them." said Marge.

"This looks like a job for...Bartman!" said Bart as he grabbed his skateboard and climbed through the sunroof.

Bart looked towards the van and stuck out his tongue while pulling at the sides of his mouth. He then climbed on the roof and waved his butt at the van. "Eat my shorts!" he called.

The van tried again to ram the car, but Bart jumped on his skateboard and grabbed the van's front fender.

"Bart!" yelled Lisa.

"Hey, bet you can't get me!" said Bart.

The van started to swerve left and right trying to shake Bart off. Bart let go of the fender and grabbed onto the rear wheelwell.

"He's going to kill Bart!" said Marge.

"No, he's not!" said Homer. "Homer to the rescue!"

Homer executed a spin and brought himself next to the the van. Marge leaned out the window and called "Bart! Bart!"

The van started to swerve around to try to shake off Bart. Without warning, it swerved into the path of another car.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed the Simpsons.

Just before they would have collided, the van swerved off the road. Bart let go of the wheelwell, but he too went flying. "Uh oh." he said.

"Bart!" yelled Homer.

Suddenly, a tentacle shot out and wrapped around Bart. The tentacle pulled him towards another car and he landed safely in the back. The other Simpsons breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"Whoa." he said.

"Hey, you alright, little guy?" asked the man in the seat next to him.

"Stone Cold Steve Austin?" asked Bart. He then realized it was one of Nemesis' tentacles that pulled him away from certain doom.

"Hey, he knows you." said Rob Zombie from the driver's seat.

"Rob Zombie too?" asked Bart. "Cool!"

"Thank you for saving our boy!" said Marge.

Nemesis flashed a thumbs up.

"No problem!" yelled Rob. "This guy is after all Cannonballers."

"We're supposed to be taking a rest in Sydney." said Homer. "Can we have him back then?"

"Why not?" asked Stone Cold.

XXXXXXXXXX

Artemis Fowl stopped somewhere near the Queensland-New South Wales state line.

"Okay, if we keep going on our present heading, we should reach Sydney by midnight." he said as he checked his map.

"Sounds grand, Master Fowl." said Butler as J.D. checked his ears.

"Okay, your ears appear to be fine." said J.D. "Good thing since there was nothing wrong with them before."

Butler scowled at him.

"Okay!" said J.D.

"Dr. Dorian, may I have a word with you?" asked Artemis.

J.D. walked over to him. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Over the past couple of continents, we've run into a little trouble." said Artemis. "It's pretty obvious someone has it in for the Cannonballers."

"Do you think they'll come after us again?" asked J.D.

"Absolutely." said Artemis. "Butler knew there would be danger and prepared accordingly. You, however, need to be briefed."

"Okay, go on." said J.D.

"First of all..." said Artemis.

"Let me go!" yelled Butler.

Artemis and J.D. looked in his direction and saw Butler being dragged away by Leatherface.

"Hey, unhand him!" yelled J.D.

"Butler, are you alright?" asked Artemis.

"Quite alright, Master Fowl." said Butler. "Well, except for the fact that I'm being abducted."

"Leatherface! Hear me!" said Artemis. "Whatever your demands are, I'll pay them. Butler is quite an important person to me and I cannot bear to part with him. However, whatever your demands are, I do not have the resources to placate them at the moment. If you will give me the time to acquire the necessary ransom, I shall obtain it. However, the deal will be null if Butler is harmed in anyway. Nod if you understand."

Leatherface nodded.

"Please hurry, Master Fowl." said Butler.

"Fear not, Butler." said Artemis. "Your freedom is assured. And remember, the stars align at night."

Leatherface staggered off with Butler.

"Why did you let him take him?" asked J.D.

"Because he had already established the upper hand." said Artemis. "I meant what I said about Butler being important and I couldn't risk his injury. I am aware that the man we saw, the one called Leatherface, is a notorious mass murderer whose weapon of choice is a chainsaw. While I believe you are a decent doctor, I doubt you could repair someone who's been hacked up by a chainsaw."

J.D. imagined what a chainsaw victim would look like after he performed his magic. The victim had his head on backwards, eyes looking in two different directions, a foot at the end of his left arm, and a leg angled the wrong way. J.D. himself walked into the scene with a mad scientist look on his face and said "It's alive!" He came out of his daydream horrified.

"Incidentally, 'the stars align at night' is my personal code to Butler to activate his tracking device." said Artemis. "In ten minutes, we can track him down and then we'll have the upper hand when we rescue him."

"That's brilliant." said J.D.

"I know. Thank you." said Artemis.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Emu was parked next to a wooden shack. It was Joel Robinson's shack and he was helping to check on the Emu.

"So, then I got lonely and I discovered this junkyard next door." said Joel. "I went a little crazy and Tom, Crow, and Gypsy have a few dozen brothers and sisters now."

"Oh no." said Crow. "More Toms."

"Well, it could be worse." said Tom. "More Crows for example."

"I think more of both of you would be pretty terrible." said Gypsy.

"You guys!" said Joel and Mike in unison. "Jinx!"

The ice cream truck pulled up and Shaggy and Freddie climbed out. They walked over to the shack and started going over it with a tape measure.

"Uh, what are you guys doing?" asked Joel.

"Oh, like, we need to get some wood to build a ramp." said Shaggy.

"This guy gave us the correct measurements for a ramp to jump the river where the bridge used to be." said Freddie. "Someone blew it up."

"Wait, the bridge five miles down the road?" asked Mike.

"That's the one." said Shaggy.

"That's the bridge we were supposed to take!" said Tom.

"And we're going to jump it instead?" asked Crow. "Coo-oo-ool!"

"I suppose I can rebuild this into a shack when you're done." said Joel.

"Great." said Freddie. "I've checked the figures and your shack has enough wood to construct the ramp. All we have to do is take it apart for transport."

"Actually, that won't be necessary." said Joel. "You see, I realized that this shack might not be in the ideal place at any time." He opened a small box on the porch. "So therefore, while most structures are built on a solid concrete foundation, this is built on the frame of a discarded Land Cruiser." He flipped a switch and the shack rose to reveal wheels.

"Wow, you have been busy." said Mike.

"Come on, guys." said Joel as he climbed onto the porch and sat behind a steering wheel. "Daylight's burning."

XXXXXXXXXX

Fox Mulder took the wheel of the Lusso XT as it cruised through New South Wales.

"So, tell me about this girl you picked up." said Mulder.

"Okay, the roof was open and the music was playing loudly." explained J. "This girl was slowly moving her hand up my thigh. She had opened up three buttons on her shirt. And I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car."

Big Donnie watched them approach. "Now, to show how it's done." he said. He pushed a switch on his hand unit and spikes popped up in front of the Lusso XT. The car rolled over the spikes and blew a tire.

Mulder brought the car to a halt. "K, I thought the Zarabithians fitted this thing with puncture proof tires?" said J.

"Well, you know what kidders the Zarabithians are." said K. "They once conned a San Francisco woman into thinking she was one of their agents in a war against a race called the Insectirons. I think the poor girl went crazy or something."

"Can we fix this tire before we hear about anymore mind games against innocent people?" asked Mulder.

"Hmmm, thought I'd take out more of their tires." said Big Donnie. "Ah, they stopped anyway."

J and K opened the trunk while Mulder checked to see what took out the tire. "Looks like spikes imbedded in the road." he said. "Someone had it in for us."

"Yeah, I see why we only lost one." said J. "Apparently, the Zarabithians replaced all but that one tire with puncture proofs."

"Let's get this thing fixed." said K. "We're losing time here."

Big Donnie watched them go to work. "Now, how shall I destroy them?" he mused. "Wait, they left their trunk open. That's quite an arsenal."

Both Big Donnie and the Men In Black failed to notice the Boost pulling up.

"Matt, what's going on?" asked Bruce.

"I'm not sure." said Matt. "Have your masks ready anyway."

"I can't believe this is the first time you've ever changed a tire." said Mulder.

"Yeah, well, that's mostly because our usual vehicles always have those puncture proofs," said K "so we don't expect it when they don't."

"Mr. Cannonballer." said Big Donnie as he walked around from the back of the car. "You look like you're in trouble."

"This guy ripped off our fashion sense." said J.

"Are you with the race officials or the Australian equivalent of Triple A?" asked Mulder.

"No." said Big Donnie. "At this point, they don't even know this has happened."

"Then, you must be the one who caused this!" said K.

"Not bad." said Big Donnie. "Pity you won't be able to perform deduction like that anymore. As you say in America, say 'Hello' to my little friend." He pulled out a large weapon he had stolen from the Lusso's trunk. "Or should I say YOUR little friend?"

"Oh, hell no!" said J. "That's an XT-4000."

"What'll happen if he shoots us with that?" asked Mulder.

"Our bodies' hard and soft matter get divorced." said K.

"Matt!" yelled Gloria.

"Spectrum, on!" called Matt. A sonic wave eminated from his mask.

"I just want to give you a little warning about that." said K. "That weapon uses a substance called Corbomite for ammo and if it's not primed correctly, it could self-destruct and take a few square miles with it. We're okay with death if it means that foolish evil resulted in the death of our killer as well."

"Nice try, but we do get 'Star Trek' in Australia." said Big Donnie. "Night night." He pulled the trigger and a laser beam shot from the weapon. However, Mulder and the Men In Black were completely unharmed.

"I think he should have primed that Corbomite." said Mulder.

"Get him!" yelled J. He and K ran towards Big Donnie and started attacking him.

They managed to wrestle the gangster to the ground and start beating him senseless. Big Donnie managed to get back up and make a run for it.

"Yeah, you better run!" yelled J.

"Check the trunk." said Mulder. "He might have taken something else."

J and K checked the trunk. "Yeah, he definitely took something else." said K.

"We're missing a Noisy Cricket." said J.

The Boost pulled up to the Lusso XT and the MASK agents exited.

"Ladies and gentlemen, our saviors." said K.

"Thanks for your assistance." said Mulder.

"Oh, it was no problem." said Bruce.

"Tell us something." said J. "What did you do exactly?"

"I just used my Spectrum mask to alter the laser beam's frequency." said Matt. "After that, the beam came out as pure sunlight."

"So, instead of killing us, he just gave us a slight tan." said K.

"Thanks again." said J. "That guy was meaner than the guys we encountered two years ago."

"Wait, you were in the race two years ago?" asked Gloria.

"Yeah, why?" replied Mulder.

"I think we should have a little talk." said Matt.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Are you still tracking Butler?" asked J.D.

"Yes indeed." said Artemis. "He's not that far away actually."

"Good, then a rescue is..." said J.D. "Look! Cannonballers ahead of us!"

Artemis brought the Crown Mail to a screeching halt next to the RSMC 15 and Saikou. Mr. Fowl and Dr. Dorian jumped out.

"What happened?" asked Artemis.

"Mama mia!" said Mario. "We were just running a little search for bad guys and the bad guys found us!"

"Yeah, what plumber boy is trying to say is that the Creeper grabbed both his brother and our friend Tails." said Sonic.

"Well, we believe this Creeper to be working in conjunction with the one known as Leatherface." said Artemis.

"Yeah, we just saw him grab onto Butler and drag him off." said J.D.

"It's a long shot, but I think we should go with them." said Link. "For all we know, Artemis' theory might be right."

"We're going to need some assistance." said Knuckles. "I can tell you that."

Just then, the Crusero Magnifico pulled up. Bugs, Daffy, and Wile E. jumped out.

"What's up, doc?" asked Bugs.

"Can you believe I actually became a doctor just so he would ask me that?" thought J.D.

"Three Cannonballers have been kidnapped." said J.D. "If you'd like to help with the rescue, just step up."

The Looney Tunes gathered and discussed the situation. Finally, they broke.

"Well, doc, if it's okay, we'd like to bring a friend to assist in the rescue." said Bugs.

"That's right and he's from around here." said Daffy. "Well, this is his native habitat anyway."

"Do we even know where these guys are?" asked Mario.

"I do." said Artemis. "Butler has a tracking device that's leading us to him."

"Then, it's a party." said Sonic.

XXXXXXXXXX

"What happened here?" asked James as Team Rocket came upon what appeared to be a terrible car wreck. Three cars and a bus were scattered around.

"Maybe we should get out and help?" asked Jessie.

"Wait, you're suggesting WE should help these people?" asked Annie. "Are you forgetting who we are?"

"Annie, how's it going to look if we ignore the plight of innocent people?" asked Oakley. "If word gets out about this, we might never be allowed to enter the Cannonball again."

"Besides," said James "as Ferengi Rule of Acquisition 95 says, 'Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.'"

Suddenly, everybody stared at him. "I'd really rather not know how you know that." said Meowth. "And that's Rule of Acquisition 76." Now, everybody stared at him.

"Let's just stop and get this over with." said Annie.

James parked the car. The Rockets jumped out and started to look for injured people. They quickly discovered there were no people in the vehicles.

"Something's up." said Oakley. "There's no one in these cars."

"Also, how did this many vehicles end up in the same place at the same time?" asked Jessie.

"And did you notice how much rust and moss is on the cars?" asked James. "I think these cars were taken from a junkyard and set up here to resemble an accident.

"Very astute." said Mitzi as she appeared from behind a bush. Her teammates appeared as well.

"That's uncharacteristic of you." said Nichole.

"Well, it was also uncharacteristic of us to..." said Meowth before realizing what she said. "Hey!"

"Let's take these misfired Rockets down." said Kim. "I'll take the one with the goofy hair." she added while pointing to Annie.

"Whose hair are you calling goofy?" asked Annie.

"Seriously." said Linda. "Do you have to take the bees out on occasion?"

"Hey, where I'm from, this is quite the look!" said Annie.

"Oh sure." said Mia. "I guess the look where you're from involves taking Princess Leia's hairdo and injecting it with steroids."

"At least it's not as bad as the redhead's." said Linda.

"What was that?" asked Jessie.

"Three words: too much gel." said Kim. "I bet she dyes it too."

"That tears it!" yelled Jessie.

"Get your Pokemon out!" yelled James.

He and Oakley got out their Pokeballs. But before they could use them, Annie and Jessie flew into action themselves.

Annie jumped onto Kim first, fists flailing. The other girls tried to intervene, but Jessie pushed them away while she was beating on Kim.

The other members of Team Rocket watched this take place, then sat down and put their Pokeballs away.

Kim tried crawling away after receiving too much abuse. Annie turned her attack on the other girls. Mia unleashed a couple of punches on her, but Jessie quickly countered and retaliated with a few blows of her own. After she was sent stumbling into Linda, Mitzi realized that they were not going to win this one.

"Retreat!" she called.

The girls all ran to their motorcycles, started them, and took off. "You just had to make fun of her hair, didn't you?" said Mitzi.

"Well, that was odd." said Oakley.

"I think they were trying to stop us from racing." said Jessie.

"Let's not oblige them." said James. "Back to racing." The team members returned to the car. "Let's go, killer." he said as he passed Annie.

XXXXXXXXXX

At the bridge, the Mystery Inc, SCUMM, and SOL teams had finished with their ramp quickly.

"Ten minutes." said Joel. "I think we set a record or something."

"Definitely 'or something'." said Tom.

"If my calculations are correct," said Bernard "it will take a speed of about a hundred miles an hour to make this jump given the distance and the angle of the ramp."

"Okay." said Ben to the Mystery Inc. team. "Since you guys found the shack, maybe you should be the first ones to take the jump."

"Really?" asked Shaggy. "Like, thanks."

"Re're roing first." said Scooby.

"Bernard, you did the calculations." said Velma. "You and your team should be the ones to go first."

"Look, just go first. Alright?" said Ben.

"Well, if you insist." said Freddie.

The Mystery Inc. team all piled into the ice cream truck and got it started. They drove back down the road, turned around, and raced towards the ramp. At top speed, they hit the ramp and flew over the river, then landed on the road on the opposite side and continued on their way.

"Oh, good." said Ben. "They didn't die. Now, I know we can make it."

"We're next." said Mike. He and the bots returned to their car. Bernard and his teammates were next.

The Emu and Bryanston V drove back down the road, turned around, and raced towards the ramp. Mike and Ben were driving.

"I think we should hit the nitrous just to be safe." said Tom from the front passenger seat.

"Good idea." said Mike. He quickly hit the switch for a nitrous shot.

"All...WHOA!" said Tom as the sudden acceleration send him flying into the back.

"Nitrous! Nitrous!" yelled Max.

"Hear ya." said Ben. He hit the nitrous himself and the Bryanston V shot forward.

The two cars hit the ramp and sailed over the river.

"Yeah!" cheered Mike. Ben howled as the Bryanston V flew over the Emu in mid-flight. Mike stared in shock as this happened.

The two cars hit the road and kept on going.

"Bye!" called Sam.

"Tom, did you see that?" asked Mike as he turned to face Tom, but didn't see him. "Guys, where's Tom?"

Gypsy opened her mouth, revealing Tom inside. "Mike, get me out of here!" he yelled.

Joel looked at the departing cars, then turned to the ramp and said "Oh, I know! A hot tub!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"I think we could use some more gas." said Jarod.

"No problem." said Johnny Five. "There's a gas station just up ahead."

Johnny Five pulled into the gas station and parked next to the pump. He and Jarod climbed out.

"I'll pump, you pay." said Johnny Five.

"You got it." said Jarod as he entered the building.

Jarod walked up to the counter and said "Filling up on pump two."

"Hey, aren't you one of those Cannonballers?" asked a voice behind him.

"Yes, why do you ask?" asked Jarod as he turned around and came face-to-face with Korpi.

"Oh, just wondering." said Korpi as he pulled out his gun.

Johnny Five continued to pump their gas, but heard the conversation through his super sensitive hearing. He looked around and noticed the Bandito, the only other car at the station. He quickly formed a plan.

"I recognize your need to make a living." said Jarod. "But does it have to be at someone else's expense? Mine, for example?"

"Well, you see." said Darden. "We have this boss. They call him Dr. Feelgood. He really wants the prize money for himself."

"Well, why didn't he enter the race then?" asked Jarod.

"Because there was no one hundred percent possibility that he'd win." said Korpi. "Unlike that, this is a sure thing."

"Kinda takes the fun out of it." said Jarod.

"Come along." said Darden as he grabbed Jarod and dragged him out of the building.

"Let's get him into the Bandito and..." said Korpi before looking at their vehicle. While they were talking to Jarod, Johnny Five had beendismantling the Bandito.

"Bandito disassembled." said Johnny Five as he held the steering column in his hands.

"What did you do?" asked Korpi.

Jarod ripped his jacket out of Darden's grip and ran for the car.

"Hey!" yelled Korpi. He whipped his gun into position and fired off a few shots. However, Johnny Five managed to block them all with the steering column. The last shot Korpi fired was reflected right back into his belt buckle, dropping his pants.

"Let's get out of here while he's figuring out how to button his pants." said Jarod.

Jarod and Johnny Five got back into the Vortex 5 and drove off. Jarod looked over his shoulder and laughed. "And you know what's really bad?" he asked. "I never paid for the gas."

Back at the station, Darden looked over the Bandito and tried to figure out how to put it back together. Meanwhile, Korpi was forced to pay for the gas.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Crusero Magnifico, Crown Mail, RSMC 15, and Saikou pulled up to a small farmhouse.

"Is this where Butler's tracking device leads?" asked Link.

"This is the place." said Artemis. "It's time to put our plan into action."

"Right." said Knuckles. "We'll show them it's not wise to kidnap our friends."

"Wile E, I think it's time to contact you-know-who." said Bugs.

Wile E. nodded and took out an ACME signal flare. He walked off to a hill overlooking the farmhouse and started to set up the flare.

"Okay, we should arm ourselves." said Daffy.

"I gotcha." said Sonic as he opened the trunk of the RSMC 15 and took out his Ancient Light and Knuckles' Shovel Claw.

"Me too." said Mario as he kicked the chest in the back of the Saikou. A doll of a Hammer Brother popped out. Mario grabbed it and was turned into Hammer Brother Mario. Link just took out his sword and shield.

"On my mark." said Artemis. "Go!"

Inside the house, Leatherface was carving a message into the wall with his chainsaw. It read "Your racers are safe for now. But that will not be for long if you do not accede to our demands. You will deliver a sum of half the prize money to a location we specify. E-mail us for details."

"This guy missed his calling." said Luigi. "He should be doing carvings like this for a living."

"This guy didn't." said Tails. "I'm glad we didn't call him to hook up our Dreamcast."

The Creeper was struggling to hook up the computer they were going to use to broadcast their message. He pulled the instructions out from under a pile of cables and looked at it in confusion. He then looked at it more closely, then threw it away in a huff.

Link and Mario snuck over to the front of the house (north side), Sonic and Knuckles snuck up to the left (east), Bugs and Daffy to the right (west), and Artemis and J.D. to the rear (south). When everyone was in place, Artemis called "Now!"

Link aimed his sword at the window and fired a magic bolt at it. The window blew open and he and Mario hopped in.

"Mario!" called Luigi.

"We're here to save you, my brother!" said Mario.

Knuckles dug his way into the farmhouse's basement with Sonic right behind him. Bugs and Daffy walked right ina side door. Artemis and J.D. snuck in the back.

On the hill, Wile E. took a match and lit the fuse on the flare. He then stood back and got ready for the flare to launch. A second later, the rock pile he had set the flare in shifted and the flare ended up pointing right at him. He grabbed the flare and straightened it. A second later, the rock pile shifted again and the flare pointed at him again. He grabbed it and straightened it again. This time, the fuse ran out and the flare launched while he was holding it. The flare rocketed into the sky with him holding onto it and exploded in midair.

Mario threw hammers at the Creeper while Leatherface tried to cut Link with his chainsaw. Link protected himself with his shield and took out his boomerang. He jumped back and threw the boomerang at Leatherface, stunning him.

The Creeper tried to take a few swipes at Mario. He missed three times and actually connected once, only to hit Mario's Hammer Brothers shell instead.

"Butler." whispered Artemis.

"Master Fowl, you made it." said Butler.

"That we did." said Artemis. "Now, let's get you out of here."

Artemis and J.D. started to untie Butler and the others. The Creeper noticed them and started to attack. Just then, a blue blur ripped through the door to the basement and knocked him down. The blur stopped and Tails got a good look at him.

"Sonic!" he yelled.

"You okay, little buddy?" asked Sonic as Knuckles came up the stairs.

"I'm okay." said Tails.

"Come on, you guys!" said Bugs from the front door. "Let's get out of here before they try to stop us!"

Mario held the Creeper at bay while Sonic took on Leatherface. Everyone else used the opportunity to escape. After the others had left, Mario and Sonic joined them.

"Okay, no problem." said J.D. "Now that everyone's safe..."

Suddenly, Leatherface and the Creeper burst out of the house.

"Looks like we're not out of the woods yet." said Butler.

"Hold it." said Daffy. "Do you hear that?"

Everyone tried to be quiet for a second, then heard what Daffy heard. It was the sound of things breaking and something spinning fast. Just then, a small tornado ripped into the scene, bursting through a rock formation, smashing through a fence, ripping up a rose garden next to the house. Finally, it stopped and was revealed to be the Tasmanian Devil, babbling in his twisted "language".

Leatherface and the Creeper looked at "Taz" in sheer horror and made a hasty retreat. Taz spun after them quickly.

"Who invited him?" asked Knuckles.

"We did." said Bugs. "Or rather Wile E. did."

Wile E. staggered over to the group with his cap and fur fire-blackened. He stopped, flashed a weak thumbs-up, then collapsed.

"Nice work, everyone." said Link. "Now, let's finish this race."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere between Canberra and Sydney, the Jersey XS screamed down the road with the Knight and Monstruo on their tail.

"Won't be too much further before we reach the final pit stop in this country." said Buckaroo.

"Where's that?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"Sydney." said Buckaroo.

"Huh?" asked Sydney.

"No, we were just talking about the city we're heading for." said Perfect Tommy.

"What city?" asked Sydney.

"Sydney." said Buckaroo.

"What?" asked Sydney.

"I was just answering your question." said Buckaroo.

"What was the answer?" asked Sydney.

"You asked what the city we were heading for was." said Perfect Tommy.

"Sydney, Australia." said Buckaroo.

"I'm going to ignore you from now on." said Sydney.

In the Monstruo...

"Of course, after that was 'Operation Surma'." said Ethan.

"I remember that." said Snake. "I just can't believe that's you, though. It doesn't look that much like you."

"Yeah, whatcha gonna do?" asked Ethan. "Of course, you have an incredible legacy yourself."

"Thanks, but I don't like to brag." said Snake.

"Well, you've got a lot to brag about." said Ethan. "'Metal Gear Solid', 'Metal Gear Acid', 'Ghost Babel', 'Sons of Liberty'."

"I heard the title and half-expected it to be a GTA game!" laughed Snake.

"Hey, wasn't there another game after the first one?" asked Ethan.

"Uh...no. No, there wasn't." said Snake.

"I'm pretty sure there was." said Ethan. "I remember playing it as a training exercise."

"You're imagining things." said Snake. "How far is it to Sydney?"

"I'm almost certain there was such a game." said Ethan. "There was a castle and a train and cable cars like at Disneyland..."

"Okay, it was 'Snake's Revenge'!" said Snake. "Are you happy? Are you happy now?"

In the Knight...

"Okay, you're locked in a garage." said Murdock. "All you have is a Dodge Monaco, what used to be an above ground pool, and some leftover pipes and the guys that locked you in the garage will be back in an hour."

"Take the walls from the pool." said B.A. "Bolt as many as possible to the Monaco's windows. Fashion the pipes into a cow catcher."

"Boy, you guys would clean up on 'Junkyard Wars'." said Michael.

"Okay, next test." said Murdock. "You're trapped on top of a mesa. All you have is some lightweight tubing and a lot of nylon fabric. The wind has been rather brisk all day. What do you do?"

"Die." said B.A.

"Man, you're taking the fun out of this." said Murdock.

"Michael, behind us." said KITT.

Michael looked in his rearview and saw Cary and Kid racing up behind them.

"Ready to give up?" asked Kid.

"I was born...not ready." said Cary.

"You can give up now and make it easy on yourself." said Kid.

"This is already easy on me." said Cary.

Big Donnie, Alex, Rocco, and a dozen thugswatched the Cannonballers approach.

"Okay, those are the Cannonballers." said Big Donnie. "Those are our targets. We have to hurry though. Once they reach Sydney, they're out of our hands."

"Be careful." said Alex. "We've already tried to take a few of them out."

"Didn't go so well." said Rocco.

"So, then." said Big Donnie. "Let's get 'em."

The thugs ran to their cars, mostly peformance sedans, and took off after the Cannonballers.

"Sir, what if they manage to fight back?" asked Alex.

"Don't worry." said Big Donnie as he took out the Noisy Cricket. "This should help us."

The Cannonballers continued on the road as the Boost and Lusso XT came up behind them.

"Do you think that guy took the Noisy Cricket?" asked Mulder.

"Most definitely." said K. "That thing can be dangerous in the wrong hands."

"Hey, that thing can be dangerous in the right hands." said J.

Suddenly, Big Donnie's thugs came out of the woodwork in their cars and surrounded the Cannonballers.

"Why do I get the feeling these guys aren't the welcoming commitee?" asked Matt.

"Probably because most of them are listed on various wanted posters in Australia." said Bruce.

"Uh oh, looks like battle time again." said Gloria.

One of the cars lined up behind the Knight and started ramming it.

"KITT, I think we should do something about him." said Michael.

"I agree, Michael." said KITT. "I'm already a compact. I don't want to become a sub-compact."

"There's another guy right behind him." said B.A. "Try to get them to crash into each other."

"You heard him, KITT." said Michael. "Microjam his brakes."

KITT targeted the car that was ramming them and activated his microjam. The car's brakes locked and the car behind it slammed right into its rear.

"And THAT is why you don't tailgate!" said Murdock.

Mahoney and the other protectors raced after the Cannonballers.

"Yeah, this is the road." said Mahoney as they passed the two smashed up cars.

"What are we gonna do?" asked Jones.

"I don't know yet." said Mahoney.

"Let's wait until we can size up the action." said Walker.

The police cars caught up with the Cannonballers quickly.

"This guy is getting annoying." said Snake. Another of the thugs was ramming the Monstruo.

"I've got an idea." said Ethan. "Let him pull alongside."

Snake pulled to the side and the car pulled alongside. The thug rolled his window down. Ethan did the same and pulled out his tranq gun. He fired a shot into the driver's arm and the driver quickly fell unconcious. The car veered into the path of another thug's car and both crashed.

"Nice shot." said Snake.

"Thanks." said Ethan. "By the way, 'Snake's Revenge' isn't THAT bad. Even Kojima likes it and he didn't even work on it."

"I'm going in." said another of the thugs. He crawled out of the window and got ready to jump to the Jersey XS.

Just then, the Tokyo Cop Car pulled alongside and Zed leaned out. He let loose a scream into the thug's face and scared him off the car's door. The thug went tumbling to the ground. Another car swerved to avoid hitting him and crashed into a third car, sending both to the scrapheap.

"How many cars are left?" asked Sydney.

"I count four." said Perfect Tommy.

Just then, the Bobcat came into action along with Big Donnie's Commodore.

"Our guys are getting obliterated." said Rocco.

"No problem." said Big Donnie. "I'll take care of this."

Big Donnie climbed out of the Commodore and got into the back of the Bobcat.

"Watch this." said Tackleberry as he aimed at another of the cars. "Right into the tire." He fired and shot out the car's tire. The other cars swerved to avoid it and two connected. They came away slightly damaged.

"They're getting better at avoiding each other." said Flash.

"As long as they don't get better at actually doing anything else." said Hightower.

"We've got two more on our tail." said Perfect Tommy.

"I see." said Buckaroo. "Let me show you another advantage of the Hyperthruster." He started to initiate the Hyperthruster's startup sequence. As he did so, the two cars pulled alongside him. He activated the Hyperthruster and shot forth from between them. After that, the two cars suddenly smashed into each other sideways.

"I don't even want to know how that happened." said Sydney.

"Who's the guy in the back?" asked Paul.

"I dunno." said Lance. "Maybe he's working with someone else who wants to stop the Cannonballers."

Big Donnie pulled out the Noisy Cricket and aimed it at the Knight.

"There's our missing Cricket." said K.

"I'm going in." said J. He climbed out of the window and jumped into the back of the Bobcat.

"Well, look who's here." said Big Donnie.

"Yeah, you remember me." said J. "Give that thing back. You have no idea what it does."

"Well, I'm about to find out." said Big Donnie. He turned and pointed the gun at J.

J tried to wrestle the Noisy Cricket out of Big Donnie's hands. In the process, the weapon was aimed at every vehicle in the chase. Brakes squealed when the carswereea imed at.Finally, Big Donnie managed to wrest his hands out of J's grip. He aimed at J once again, but was cut off my a spin kick...in a cowboy boot.

Big Donnie looked up at the source of the kick. Sure enough, it was Walker. "Surely, you realize that's not a toy." he said.

"Surely, you realize it still gives me an advantage over you." said Big Donnie. He tried aiming it at Walker, but J tried to wrestle him to the bed of the pickup. Big Donnie managed to get free, only to meet a barrage of jabs from Walker. This continued until Alex pulled up to the Bobcat's rear bumper and motioned for Big Donnie to jump onto the hood.

Big Donnie jumped onto the hood of the Commodore and aimed the Noisy Cricket at them.

"I wouldn't fire that if I were you!" said J.

"Yeah, because you're too goody-goody!" said Big Donnie. He fired the Noisy Cricket and was sent flying right off the Commodore.

"No, because I know that thing has some badass recoil." said J.

"Where'd that shot go?" asked Walker.

Suddenly, a gear fell out from underneath the truck. "Oh, hell no!" said J.

"Guys, get on!" yelled Mulder as the Lusso XT pulled up next to the Bobcat.

J and Walker jumped onto the Lusso XT. It veered away just after. The Bobcat's engine then blew out.

"Well, I tried." said Lance.

"Brace for impact!" screamed Paul as he curled into a ball. The Commodore slammed into the back of the car and flipped over.

"Haha! Nice going, Walker!" said Mahoney as he pulled alongside the Lusso XT. Walker climbed back inside.

The Majestic pulled up to the scene of the battle. They found Big Donnie just getting up off the ground. Joel and Fearless climbed out of the car.

"Whoa, are you alright?" asked Joel.

"Looks like a hell of a battle." said Fearless.

"Get away from me, you two!" snapped Big Donnie. "Look at this! Look at all this! You told me that if I helped you out, I would be getting any cars you confiscated from those Cannonballers! What happened? We caught nobody! NOBODY! And in the process, we lost NINE of our own cars! The deal is finished! And on top of that, YOU owe ME!"

"What do you have in mind for that?" asked Joel nervously.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Sydney that night, a few teams were stopped at a gas station to refuel for the next stage.

"Alright, the new battery is in." said Marcus. "We should be good to go."

"No problem." said Winston. "Just avoid battery-draining weapons from now on."

"I gotta ask." said Regis. "When you guys got hit, why didn't your battery go dead? Why did the shot get shot back?"

"Well, let me show you." said Peter as he went to the back of the Modo Prego. He opened the engine compartment and showed off the engine. The electrical system was very odd indeed. "As you can see, we have a very different electrical system. Because of the extra power needed for the Ecto-Booster, we have a proton pack instead of a traditional battery."

"Wow, where can we get one of those?" asked Regis.

"It's not for sale." said Louis.

"How much do you want for it?" asked Peter.

Nearby, the members of Nash's team, Team Rocket, and Dominic's team were having a movie car trivia game.

"What was the car called on 'Hardcastle and McCormack'?" asked Dominic.

"The Coyote X." said Joe.

"Correct. Next?" asked Dominic.

"What kind of car were the bad guys in 'Bullitt' driving?" asked Joe.

"A Dodge Charger." said Jesse James.

"Absolutely right." said Nash. "Now, gimme your best."

"What was the first car Sonny Crockett drove on 'Miami Vice'?" asked Memphis.

Nash quickly drew a blank. "Um? Uh? Hold on, I can get this." he said.

"A Ferrari Daytona Spyder." said James.

"That's it." said Memphis.

"Oh!" said Nash. "I knew that."

"Yeah, right." said Jessie.

"How did you know that?" asked Annie.

"I'm actually a huge 'Miami Vice' fan." said James.

"I think you all need to get a life." said Annie.

It was then that the Stadt pulled into the gas station.

"Okay, I gotta have a little Come To Jesus with these guys." said Nash. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Catch you later, Nashman!" said Dominic. He and his team returned to the Bestia.

"What do you think that was about?" asked Jesse.

"Probably their mixing pot into their dishes at the cooking competition." said Dominic.

"Yeah, how high did I get?" asked Memphis.

"We stopped keeping track after you started barking like a dog." said Jesse.

Memphis groaned, then noticed the paper pad in his hand. "What's the deal with this?"

"For a while, you kept offering us suggestions for new 'Monster Garage' episodes." said Jesse.

"Eventually, we had to ask you to write them down instead." said Dominic.

"You guys want to see what's in here?" asked Memphis.

"Might as well." said Jesse as he took the pad. "Might actually be some magic."

"Just don't tell your producer where you got them." said Dominic.

"Don't worry." said Jesse as he looked over the pad. "I'll be trying to cleanse my mind of this for...ah, shit."

"What's wrong?" asked Memphis.

"You were so high, you forgot to take the cap off the pen." said Jesse as he tossed the pad at him.

Elsewhere, Jesse Richmond and Chester were talking with Nash. "So, what did you want to talk about?" asked Chester.

"What the hell were you thinking back in Darwin?" yelled Nash. "Not only were you carrying an illegal substance, you also tricked a few innocent people into taking it! It's a good thing Joe noticed it, or we could've had four or five impared drivers on the road driving at high speeds! I'm very disappointed in your reckless and incredibly stupid maneuver! This is a warning to you both. If I find out that you tried this since now, I'm going to report you to the race officials and there's a pretty good chance you'll be disqualified. In fact, I'll report this to the race officials now unless you do one thing: hand me your keys."

Jesse nervously handed over the keys. "What are you going to do?" he asked.

"I'm going to search your car for more of this crap." said Nash as he went into the Stadt. He found a block of marajuana and took it out. "Is there any more of this?"

"No, that's it." said Chester.

Nash looked him in the eyes for a couple of seconds. "Alright, I believe you." he said. He then took the weed into the bathroom and flushed it. "Remember what I said!" he told them as he walked out.

"Um, Inspector Bridges?" said Jesse. "If it's okay, I'd like to fill you in on one of the threats that's being thrown at us."

"What's that?" asked Nash.

"There's these women, hot babes actually, who are trying to stop us from racing." said Chester.

"Yeah, they're aliens, they're very determined, and they are HOT!" said Jesse.

"Now this I gotta report." said Nash

Nash walked past the Simpsons and Tackleberry's team of protectors on his way back to the car.

"And then, the van started ramming us." said Lisa. "If it wasn't for Bart, it could have been disastrous."

"Sounds like the same black van that attacked the Angels." said Flash.

"That's what Lisa said." said Bart. "And she thinks it was the same one that attacked Professor Banzai."

"That's DOCTOR Banzai." said Lisa.

"So?" asked Bart.

"Tack, you had your gun on that van." said Hightower. "Did you get a good look at the driver?"

"No, the windows were tinted and it was dark inside." said Tackleberry. "I could tell it was a man, though. No woman drives that aggressively."

"Oh...um." said Marge.

"Nash, I think you'd better hear this." said Joe. He was standing with Jarod and Johnny Five.

"What's up?" asked Nash.

"Eariler, we were accosted by two of the thugs sent to stop us." said Jarod. "One of them said they were working for a guy named 'Dr. Feelgood'."

"Dr. Feelgood?" asked Nash. "Jimmy 'Dr. Feelgood' DeMarco?"

"Could be." said Jarod. "I'm not a criminalist today."

"Joe, Adrian, I think we might have a break here." said Nash. "I gotta make a call."

Nash took out his cel phone and called Mr. X. "Yo, X. You there?"

"Nice to hear from you, Nash." said Mr. X. "How's the race going?"

"Pretty good, pretty good." said Nash. "We've had some run-ins, but we're surviving. How are things on your end?"

"Very good." said Mr. X. "We just got a call from the Australian Prime Minister. He says that the problem with guns isn't the fault of the Cannonballers, but the villains.He thinks the racers should be able to protect themselves better. The weapons ban will be lifted next year."

"That's great." said Nash.

"And we'll be allowed to use the Australian highways again." said Mr. X.

"Great, so the next Jimmy DeMarco won't have such an easy time." said Nash.

"So, you found him out." said Mr. X.

"Did that, bubba." said Nash. "Hold on, there's more."

As Nash continued, he walked past the road train. Johnny B dropped from the center trailer and looked at him. "He's with the security forces?" he asked. "This could be a big thing."

Johnny ran for the nearest building, a nightclub, and ran inside to use the phone. As he was dialling, someone was performing for the nightclub's owner. The owner was Big Donnie and the performers were Joel and Fearless.

"Step by step!" they sang. "Ooh, baby! Gonna get to you, gir-ir-ir-irl!"

"Now, that's entertainment." said Big Donnie.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well, we had a little extra drama this time around." said Schwag.

"However, we have also received the news that the weapons ban will be lifted next year." said Frankie. "We have also been told that the highways of Australia will be open for racing next year as well."

"I like the sound of that!" said Schwag. "It's going to be a long drive across the Pacific Ocean."

"I know, Schwag." said Frankie. "That's why there's going to be some island hopping."

"But in the meantime, we have music." said Schwag. "Once again, Lenny Kravitz!"

Lenny was on stage again, this time with Brad Turner and LL Cool J.

"Okay, guys." said Lenny. "Let's do this."

"This one's for my teammates in the race." said Brad.

"Hey, this one's for all the racers." said Cool J.

The musicians started to perform.

**Fast lane.  
High speed.  
On the grind.  
Twenty-four/seven.**

**No time.  
Always running here and there.  
Chasing the money.**

**So much jibber jabber's  
Clogging up our soul.**

**Where are we runnin?  
We need some time to clear our heads.  
Where are we runnin?  
Keep on working 'til we're dead.  
Where are we runnin?  
Oo wee oo wee oo.  
Where are we runnin' now?**

**In style.  
Profile.  
Got to buy.  
The new Cavalli.**

**Keep the skin tight  
and the booty in the air.  
Don't stop the party.**

**The road is paved but narrow.  
I hope we all get home.**

**Where are we runnin?  
We need some time to clear our heads.  
Where are we runnin?  
Keep on working 'til we're dead.  
Where are we runnin?  
Oo wee oo wee oo.  
Where are we runnin' now?**

**Where you runnin' girl?  
I see you up there.  
Oh, you up on that stage.  
You up there.  
I saw you.**

**Where are we runnin?  
We need some time to clear our heads.  
Where are we runnin?  
Keep on working 'til we're dead.  
Where are we runnin?  
Oo wee oo wee oo.  
Where are we runnin' now?  
Yeah! Yeah!**

**Where are we runnin?  
We need some time to clear our heads.  
Where are we runnin?  
Keep on working 'til we're dead.  
Where are we runnin?  
Oo wee oo wee oo.  
Where are we runnin' now?  
Yeah, yeah, waouh!  
Where are we runnin'**

-"Where Are We Runnin'" by Lenny Kravitz

"Stick around, Cannonball fans!" called Schwag.

"We've got a trip through paradise." said Frankie.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Vice City, Tanner and Everett pulled up to a sidewalk cafe.

"He usually eats breakfast here." said Everett. "There he is."

"Alright." said Tanner. He got out of the Sentinel and walked over to the table where the man was sitting. "You Cam Jones?" he asked.

"Yeah, that's me." said the man.

"The name's Tanner. Capt. Tom Everett sends his regards."

"What's up?" asked Cam.

"I'm putting together a job and I need a safe man." said Tanner. "Are you up for it?"

"What kind of safe?" asked Cam.

"It's an Andre 3000." said Tanner.

"I can crack one of those in my sleep." said Cam.

"We need to go down to Miami." said Tanner. "Your take will be a third of what's inside."

"Say no more, I'm in." said Cam.


	7. Island Hopping

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Chapter Seven: Island Hopping

AN:Sorry for the long wait.  
I've noticed some folks leaving an offer to write CR6 in their reviews. Let me please remind you that Generation X7 is a lock for writing CR6 and Mustang Driver is confirmed for CR7. So, you might want to try writing a side story or something.  
When I started this fic, I had selected the characters from "Gilligan's Island" to be in this chapter. Sadly, we lost Bob Denver while I was working on it. Removing the scenes on the island would not have been possible, so I decided to leave them in as kind of a tribute.

XXXXXXXXXX

At a gas station in New Zealand, J filled the tank of the Lusso XT while Bruce filled the tank of the Boost.

"The Cannonball officials sent vehicle designs to each of the teams." said K. "They assigned a vehicle to every team that entered."

"So, the race officials somehow got their hands on our plans." said Matt. "Did they say where they got them?"

"They said that someone on the internet sold them for a decent amount." said Mulder. "Maybe they know who that would be."

"Thanks for your help." said Gloria. "We'll keep an eye out."

Bruce and J finished filling their gas tanks.

"Bruce, we have a lead." said Matt.

"I heard." said Bruce. "It was someone on the internet. I think we should ask Chloe for help tracking down the culprit."

"If she'll help." said Gloria.

XXXXXXXXXX

"We have now blasted through three, count 'em, three continents." said David Spade.

"However, there is still an ocean and four more continents to go before the end." said Phil Keoghan. "We have quite some time before we find out the winner, or do we?"

"That's right." said David. "We are on the phone now with one of the 4400 who happens to be a clairvoiant."

Phil put the phone to his ear and listened for someone to pick up on the other end.

In Seattle, NTAC agent Diana Skouris answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Yes, is Maia Rutledge there?" asked Phil.

"Hold on." said Diana. She handed the phone to her adopted daughter, Maia Rutledge, a clairvoiant nine-year-old who was one of the 4400. "It's for you. It's the race officials for the Cannonball."

Maia took the phone and said "Hello?"

"Hello, Maia." said Phil. "If you've been following the race, you know that the first three continents are out of the way. What we'd like to know is this: who do you see winning the race?"

"He wants to know who I see winning the race." said Maia.

"Do you have an answer?" asked Diana.

Phil listened to the answer. "Thank you." he said. He then lowered the phone and told David "She said 'I can't tell you. That would be cheating.'"

"Okay, try this." said David.

"What's he saying now?" asked Diana.

"He's talking with the other guy." said Maia. "Wait." She listened to what Phil was telling her. "Now, he says they'll give me ten thousand dollars if I tell them."

Phil listened to Maia's response. "She says 'I'm nine years old. What am I going to do with ten thousand dollars?'"

"Give me the phone." said David. "I'm gonna tell her what she can do with ten thousand dollars!"

Phil held the phone away from him. "Thank you for your input, Maia." he said. "I think you're right. It would most likely be better if we were surprised."

"No problem." said Maia. "By the way, go easy on your visitors. One of them isn't as bad as he seems."

"Okay." said Phil, a little confused by her statement. "Thank you and goodbye."

Phil hung up the phone while David walked over to a big screen television. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have another interview with one of the racers. He is coming to us on the road right now."

The television turned on to reveal Cary Ford riding along. Phil joined David.

"Hi, folks." said Cary.

"Hi yourself, Mr. Ford." said David. "You seem to be doing well."

"Thanks." said Cary. "After the mess up in Australia, I'm kind of glad to be here."

"Can you tell us where you are at the moment?" asked Phil.

"Right now, I'm somewhere outside of Wellington, New Zealand." said Cary.

"Really?" said Phil. "Well, you know I happen to be from New Zealand. How do you like it?"

"It's a nice country." said Cary. "Reminds me of home."

"Thank you very much." said Phil.

"So, I understand you have a rivalry going with another racer." said David. "Is that true?"

"It is." said Cary. "It won't be long before I show him."

"I guess it won't." said Phil. "We'll let you concentrate on the road now. Thank you very much."

The television shut off.

"So, what's going on now, David?" asked Phil.

"We've got a murder!" said David.

"WHAT?" asked Phil.

"Of Crows." said David. Phil slapped him in the chest. "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Counting Crows with Sheryl Crow."

Sheryl had taken to the stage with the Counting Crows.

"Okay, we thought this would be an appropriate song since the racers are now heading through the tropics." said Sheryl.

"And so, here we go." said Adam Duritz.

David Bryson and Dan Vickrey got on their guitars while Sheryl and Matt Malley took to their basses. A second later, Jim Bogios started up his drumwork. After they played through the opening, Adam joined in on vocals.

**Got a surprise especially for you.  
Something that both of us have always wanted to do.  
We've waited so long.  
Waited so long.  
We've waited so long.  
Waited so long.**

Sheryl then joined in on vocals.

**I'm gonna take you on a trip so far from here.  
I got two tickets in my pocket, now baby, we're gonna disappear.  
We've waited so long.  
Waited so long.  
We've waited so long.  
Waited so long.**

Adam went back to singing.

**I've got  
two tickets to paradise.  
Won't you  
pack your bags, we'll leave tonight.  
I've got  
two tickets to paradise.  
I've got  
two tickets to paradise.**

**I'm gonna take you on a trip so far from here.  
I've got two tickets in my pocket, now baby, we're gonna disappear.  
(You know why)  
We've waited so long.  
Waited so long.  
We've waited so long.  
Waited so long.**

**I've got  
two tickets to paradise.  
Won't you  
pack your bags, we'll leave tonight.  
I've got  
two tickets to paradise.  
I've got  
two tickets to paradise.**

-"Two Tickets To Paradise" by Eddie Money

"And we do have paradise coming up." said David. "We'll be back in a bit.

XXXXXXXXXX

Outside, the Sentinel was parked among the warehouses of Dodge Island. Tanner, Everett, and Cam were dressed in black sweatpants and sweatshirts with black ski masks.

"Target's in sight." said Tanner. "We're going to have to make this fast. My source says the race officials are planning on moving race headquarters to another undisclosed location."

"Got it." said Cam. "Look, there's something I need to bring up. Back in '86, I took part in a bank heist with three other guys. I got arrested for it two weeks later. They said they identified me because we used our real names. I think we should come up with some kind of pseudonyms or something."

"Okay." said Everett. "During this heist, I'll be...uh, Mr. Sanderson and you will be...uh, Mrs. Esterhouse."

"No." said Tanner. "For the duration of this heist, I will be Mr. Yellow. Everett, you will be Mr. Purple. Cam, you will be Mr. Red."

"Uh huh." said Everett.

"I see." said Cam. "Our pseudonyms are colors."

"Yeah, that's the way they do it in the big ones." said Tanner. "'The Taking of Pelham One-Two-Three', 'Reservoir Dogs', 'Clue'."

"Okay, let's do this." said Cam.

"Hold on." said Tanner. "I have to coordinate our actions with the Hunters. I couldn't reach them before."

Tanner took out his cel phone and called Korpi.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Yeah, we got the cars DeMarco sent us." said Korpi into his cel phone. "Real winners this time." He looked at the cars. Except for a Toyota Supra street racer, all of the cars were lowriders.

Korpi hung up his phone and turned to the other Hunters. "Okay, here's your vehicle assignments." He pointed to a red '61 Lincoln Continental with orange pinstripes. "Darden and I will get the Blade."

He then pointed to a black Lincoln Mark III with blue flames. "Max and Joe get the Remington."

He then pointed to a purple pickup with orange flames. "Paul and Feliz get the Slamvan."

Finally, he pointed to the Supra which was painted light blue with blue stripes. "And Johnny and Lance get the Jester naturally. According to Johnny, we have a new target. It is the Citroen police car driven by that police inspector from San Francisco. Johnny says he is working with the race officials, no doubt as an undercover protector. What we have to do now is find some way of drawing him out so we can destroy him."

"How about if we kidnap one of the racers?" asked Joe. "That's sure to attract his attention."

"That's not a bad idea." said Korpi. "Okay, people, let's hit the road."

Paul walked with Joe and Max to the cars. "So, what were you guys doing in Connecticut?" he asked.

"Hey, I'm still trying to figure out how we got there." said Max.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Asia, Yuri and his army were cleaning up after being attacked.

"I thought those troops would never leave." said one of his Initiates.

"Those Cannonballers did a lot of damage as well." said Yuri.

"Perhaps we should take some time to rebuild before doing anything like that again." said the Initiate.

"No, those Cannonballers are a force to be reckoned with." said Yuri. "I think we should recruit some of them."

"But, sir." said the Initiate. "What if the Allies attack us again? Or the Russians?"

"We can hold them off for now." said Yuri. "Scramble a fleet of Floating Disks and Boomers. The Cannonballers should be crossing the Pacific Ocean by now."

"As you command, sir." sighed the Initiate.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the betting parlor, the members of Blues Traveler were checking in on the current results.

"How's the 1971 Bestia doing?" asked John Popper.

"It's currently in eighth." said Nessa.

"What about the Amata Crescendo?" asked Chan Kinchla. "One of the team members shares my name."

"Fourth place and gaining." said Nessa.

"And the Victory?" asked Tad Kinchla. "How's that doing?"

"You can find that in twelth." said Nessa.

"How's the Knight holding up?" asked Brendan Hill.

"Not well, I'm afraid." said Nessa. "It's in twentieth."

"Sorry, man." said Ben Wilson. "And the Crusero Magnifico?"

"Holding a strong second." said Nessa.

"Behind who?" asked John.

"The Fripon X." said Nessa.

Hal and Lois were watching at home when they heard the news.

"Did you hear that, Lois?" asked Hal. "The boys are in first place!"

"Ha! I knew it!" said Lois. "I told you Malcolm was the boy for the job."

"Why are you praising Malcolm all of a sudden?" asked Hal. "Just a few days ago, you said he was grounded."

"Oh, I always say that." said Lois. "I think it's starting to lose its meaning."

"Mom! Mom!" yelled Dewey as he ran into the living room. "Jamie's climbing the stack unit!"

"He's WHAT?" yelled Lois. She ran off to do some mothering. "You get down here this instant, little man!"

"I still can't believe he got up there!" said Dewey. "I only showed him how to do it once!"

While his wife and son were otherwise occupied, Hal snuck over to the phone and started dialling. Chloe picked up on the other end. "Cannonball Run betting pool. Chloe speaking. How may I help you?"

"Ah, yes. Hello." said Hal. "Three of my sons are in the race. My name is Hal..."

He was interupted when a loud crash came from the back room. "Don't worry, it'll grow back!" said Dewey.

"So, anyway." said Hal. "I'd like to place a bet on the Fripon X."

"Minimum bet is ten thousand dollars." said Chloe as a drum beat started to fill the air and get progressively louder. "How much would you like to wager, Mr...Travis, you can't do that on the mezzanine?"

She turned to face the source of the drum work, Better Than Ezra's Travis McNabb, who stopped playing. "The acoustics are all wrong out there." he explained sheepishly.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Torrida pulled into a research station near the bridge from New Zealand. MacGyver climbed out.

"Thanks for the lift." he said.

"No problem." said Buffy. "If you need anything, just call. You have my number, I assume."

"Of course." said MacGyver. "I'll see you later."

"Bye." said Willow.

"Alright, let's wait until he plants the bag of poop before we go." said Xander.

Just then, Kid pulled alongside the car and stopped.

"I wonder what this guy wants." said Willow.

Kid climbed off the Cohete and walked over to the window. "Hey, you're that vampire killer or whatever."

"Guilty as charged." said Buffy.

"You seem to be doing quite well so far." said Kid. "How do you do it?"

"Well, I'm glad you asked." said Xander. "We're giving a Cannonballing seminar after the race. Since you're the first person to ask, we'll let you in for free."

"You know, how about a little side challenge?" asked Kid. "We'll race to Tonga."

"You're on." said Willow.

"Yeah!" said Buffy.

"Hold on." said Kid. "Let's make this a little more interesting."

A minute later, Buffy gripped the handlebars of the Cohete while Kid took the wheel of the Torrida.

"Ready?" she said.

"Ready." replied Kid.

"Go!" yelled Xander from the Torrida's back seat.

XXXXXXXXXX

Knuckles was behind the wheel of the RSMC 15 on the bridge from New Zealand. "If we keep this up, we should be able to leave the others in the dust." he said.

"Oh yeah, that's something I like to do." said Sonic. "Leave the others in the dust."

Under the surface of the ocean up ahead, another of Yuri's units, a submarine called the Boomer, waited.

"Sir, there's a Cannonballer approaching on the bridge." said the sonar chief.

"Excellent." said the commander. "Set the plan in motion."

The Boomer maneuvered towards the supports for the bridge.

"Ready, now!" ordered the commander.

The Boomer fired torpedoes at the bridge supports, blowing them both out. The bridge itself started to buckle.

"Sonic!" yelled Tails. "What's happening?"

"The bridge is starting to buckle!" said Sonic.

"What do you expect?" asked Knuckles. "It was made by Bluth Construction."

The Boomer fired another torpedo at the next bridge support. This one collapsed completely, causing the bridge to start listing.

"Something tells me this wasn't the fault of George Sr." said Sonic.

"We have to do something!" said Tails.

"On it." said Knuckles. "Tails, take the wheel."

Knuckles jumped out of the driver's seat and into the water. Tails took his place.

"Knuckles!" yelled Tails.

"Don't worry, Tails." said Sonic. "He's got that Air Necklace to let him breathe. He'll be alright...I hope."

Underwater, Knuckles swam towards the Boomer. He had his Hammer Gloves on. He started to pound on the hull.

"Sir, we seem to be under attack." said the Boomer's helmsman.

"By what?" asked the commander.

"It appears to be an...echidna?" replied the helmsman.

Knuckles continued to pound on the hull of the Boomer until he caused a hull breach.

"Whoa! Hull breach!" yelled the helmsman.

Knuckles swam back to the surface as the Boomer came apart. The RSMC 15 was waiting for him.

"Knuckles, are you alright?" asked Tails.

"I'm alive, aren't I?" asked Knuckles. "Sonic, you won't believe this. There was a symbol of some kind on the sub that took out the bridge supports. Guess what? That symbol was also on the creature that attacked us in Asia."

"It was the same guys?" asked Sonic. "Wait'll the race officials hear about this."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Tonga, Jarod filled the tank of the Vortex 5 at a gas station. "So, how's the race going for you guys?" he asked.

"Well, I'm sure you know about the incident with the food." said Richard Parker. Larry was filling the tank of the Ascent next to the Vortex. Bernie sat in the back of the car, as usual.

"How's the race going for you?" asked Larry.

"Not bad." said Johnny 5. "We took care of a couple of baddies and here we are."

"Look who's here." said Jarod as the Torrida and Cohete pulled into the station. "Tell me, what's wrong with this picture?"

The Cohete rolled to a stop ahead of the Torrida. Buffy took off her helmet and Kid climbed out of the car.

"Damn, girl!" he said. "You ride that almost as well as I do!"

"You're not bad yourself." asked Buffy.

"I'll definitely keep an eye out for you." said Kid.

"Same here." said Buffy as she handed the helmet back to Kid.

"Way to go, Buffster!" said Xander.

"Sorry I kicked your asses." said Buffy. "Just let me tell you it was nothing personal."

Behind the Vortex, George sat on the hood of the Super Taxi reading the Midnight Star (a tabloid from home) while Stanley filled the gas tank.

"Hey, Kuni, what's your horoscope?" asked George.

"Pisces." said Kuni.

George read his horoscope for today. "Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus. You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say."

The Pirahna PDQ was at the next pump. "What about Gemini?" asked James.

"Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence." read George. "Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancee hurls a javelin through your chest."

"What?" yelled James.

"The stars have it." said Jessie. "So, what does it have for Leo?"

"Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face." read George. "Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Qwik."

"Is not!" yelled Jessie.

"What does it say about Scorpio?" asked Annie.

"Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window." read George. "Work a little bit harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak."

"How about Virgo?" asked Oakley.

"All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent..." read Goerge.

"Ha!" said Oakley.

"...except for you." continued George. "Expect a big surprise today when wind up with your head impaled upon a stick."

"You can't be serious." said Oakley. "This is bogus, right?"

"Let's see." said George. "Ah, here we are. 'You may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.'"

"What's Sagittarius?" asked Meowth.

"All your friends are laughing behind your back. KILL THEM!" read George. "Take down all those naked pictures of Earnest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den."

Meowth jumped onto George and rapidly swiped his claws at him. A few seconds later, the paper was ripped to shreds and Meowth jumped off.

Behind them, the Stadt and Amata Crescendo were parked. Sushi X was just finishing up refueling. Hsu and Chan were wrestling with Jesse and Chester.

"What were you thinking?" yelled Chan as he had Chester in a full nelson. "Sneaking us marajuana in cooked dishes!"

"I'm sorry!" yelled Chester. "It won't happen again!"

"Not only did you endanger our lives," said Hsu as he had Jesse in a headlock and dug his metal claw into his head "you also cost us several hours we could have used to hammer out some details on our Cannonball game!"

"Need a playtester?" asked Jesse.

"Oh sure." said Hsu as he handed him a card. "Just call this number and leave yours. We'll call you when we're ready to playtest. Now, back to the torture."

Richard and Larry watched this take place after paying for their gas.

"Want to join him?" asked Larry.

"Nah, it looks like they're laying into them pretty well." said Richard. "Besides, notice that they finished just as we were pulling in?"

"Yeah, we can pick up a few positions." said Larry. "Shall we?"

"Let's." said Richard as they got back into the car.

Across the street, Darden and Korpi watched as the Ascent pulled out.

"Here comes one." said Darden.

"Good." said Korpi. "Let's get him."

He started the Blade while Max started the Remington behind him. They took off after the Ascent.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I've heard there were ghosts in these islands." said Louis Tully as the Ghostbusters drove through Fiji. "If they're near you when your picture is taken, you die."

"Good grief, I don't even think they have that one at that urban legends websiteanymore." said Peter.

"Hey, what's that?" asked Winston. One of Yuri's Floating Disks started to fly in.

"Back at the Australian roadhouse, I was talking with Artemis Fowl." said Peter. "He said he and his team were attacked by one of those."

"Who is it working for?" asked Winston. "That psychic madman in Asia?"

"That would be my guess." said Louis.

The Floating Disk started firing its laser bolts at the Modo Prego. Winston swerved around the shots.

"I can't keep this up." said Winston.

"Don't worry, I'm on the job." said Peter as he took out his proton pack and turned it on. "Time to see what a particle stream will do to one of those."

Peter leaned out the window of the car and aimed his particle stream thrower at the Floating Disk. The stream connected with the Disk and sent it spiraling out of control.

"Nice shot." said Louis.

"Brace yourself." said Winston. "It's gonna crash."

The Floating Disk tried to stay in the air, but it was no use. The engines finally gave out and the Disk crashed into the ground right in front of the car.

"Look out!" yelled Peter.

Winston couldn't avoid the crashed Disk. He hit one side of the crater, jumped the wreckage, and slammed back into the pavement.

"You guys alright?" asked Winston.

"Yeah, I'm fine." said Louis. "Hey, why does it smell like a dentist's office in here?"

Little did he realize, the car's harsh landing had ruptured the nitrous line...inside the passenger compartment.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Ascent drove along the bridge after leaving the gas station. Richard was driving.

"How's the engine holding up?" asked Larry.

"Pretty good." said Richard. "It's showing some great endurance. How about Bernie?"

Larry looked back at Bernie. "Still dead." he said. "Wait, who's that behind us?"

The Blade and Remington were right behind them.

"Okay, head in on an intercept course." said Korpi. "Take them alive. This goes double for the rich guy in back."

"No sweat." said Joe.

The two lowriders raced up behind the Ascent and tried to box it in.

"It's those guys that are trying to stop us!" said Larry. "It must be!"

"Hang on, I'll try to lose them." said Richard.

He floored the accelerator. The Blade and Remington took off after him.

"He's trying to make a run for it." said Korpi.

"Think we should warn him about the Slamvan?" asked Darden.

"I think we're losing him." said Richard.

"Yeah, keep it down." said Larry. "Whoa, what's that?"

The Slamvan appeared in front of the Ascent and Paul trained the EDB on the car. He then fired upon the car and it ground to a halt.

Darden and Korpi jumped out of the Blade with their guns drawn. Joe and Max did the same, only they jumped out of the Remington.

"Get 'em up!" ordered Korpi. Richard and Larry put their hands up in response.

"Alright, let's jumpstart this thing and get it back to the fort." said Darden.

As the Hunters pulled the men out of the car, someone watched the action from a pirate ship not far out. "Well, it appears someone is in need of a rescue." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

Winston blinked to try to stay awake.

"Winnie, you alright?" asked Peter.

"I feel really tired for some reason." said Winston.

"Maybe we can find a place to stop and rest." said Peter. "Louis, can you find a place on the map?"

Louis picked up the map until it hit him in the forehead. "Nope, can't see anything."

"Yuo know, that dentist's office smell is really becoming promininin, uh," said Peter "prominenenen...prominononon...uh, noticeable."

"I tink I know what the problem is." said Louis. "I thank the nitrous line is broken and leaking nitrous oxide into the cabin."

The team took a second to process the information. Then, they laughed.

"I suppose we should call this in as a distress signal." said Winston.

"Guess we better." said Peter.

Winston picked up the microphone for the CB radio and pushed the button. "This is Winston Zeddmore for Team Ghostbusters. We appear to have a nitrous oxide leak and are experiencing some intoxicating side affects. I mean EFfects. Can you believe I almost said 'AFfects'?"

While Boomhauer drove the Jones J450, Hank and Bobby listened to the report on the radio.

"Ah, jeeze." groaned Hank. "Not this again."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky, Wario and his team sat down for a night of television.

"So, what are we watching?" asked Waluigi.

"It's a horror film I taped last night." said Wario.

"It's not too scary, is it?" asked Waluigi.

"There wouldn't be too much point in watching it if it weren't." said Wario.

Bowser sat down next to them with a bowl of popcorn. Wario pushed play on the VCR's remote.

Creepy music was heard, then an equally creepy voice. "Welcome. You are about to witness a tale of such horror, you might not be able to last the entire film. This is the story of the murders of a group of co-eds on their college campus. All committed by..."

Suddenly, the movie was replaced by Ellen DeGeneres and the set of her talk show. "Hello, people." she said.

Waluigi screamed and hid behind the couch before realizing that the change in scene wasn't to reveal the killer. "What?" he said.

Wario was similarly confused. "What happened to the movie?" he asked.

"Uh oh." said Bowser. "I think I may have taped over it by accident."

"You taped over the movie?" yelled Wario.

"It was the only tape I could find!" said Bowser.

"With 'Ellen'?" asked Wario.

"Dennis Hopper was the first guest!" said Bowser.

"I have to get TiVo." groaned Wario.

XXXXXXXXXX

"What's going on now?" asked Danny as he rushed into the command center at race headquarters.

"We've got another kidnapping." said Chloe. She showed him a video screen on her computer. It showed Korpi in a room on an old World War 2 warship.

"Is this thing on?" asked Korpi. "Oh. Hello, Cannonballers. I don't know if you've heard or not, but we've got one of your teams. That's right. We have successfully kidnapped a team of Cannonballers. We are holding them for a ransom of ten million dollars. We have one of them with us right now."

Korpi walked over and dragged over Bernie in a chair. His hands were tied behind his back.

"Yes, that is Mr. Bernie Lomax you see here." said Korpi. "You are to pay us the ransom in three hours or else you can expect some breakage during shipment. For example, this could happen." He kicked Bernie in the shin. "Or this could happen." He hit Bernie in the chest with a right jab. "Or even this."

He hit Bernie across the face with a left cross. This one was so powerful, it knocked Bernie over. He fell in such a way, that his feet swung up between Korpi's legs and hit him in the groin.

Korpi dropped to the floor holding his crotch. "Three hours." he gasped.

Chloe closed the video.

"That Bernie must have a high threshold of pain." said J.J.

"We now have two hours and fifty minutes at this moment." said Brock.

"Why did you wait ten minutes to tell me this?" asked Danny.

"Well, most of that time was waiting for Chloe to stop laughing." said Nessa.

"Ten million, that's more reasonable than what the homicidal maniacs were asking for." said Victor.

"I know, but we're still not paying them." said Mr. X. "My organization has a strict 'no negotiating with terrorists' policy."

"So, what are we doing?" asked Danny.

"Nash is organizing the racers into a rescue effort." said Brock. "I think you should coordinate it with us."

"Can we find out where they are?" asked Danny.

"Already did." said Chloe. "They're on the bridge of a World War 2 Japanese battleship called the _Ishikawa_ if the sign in the back is any indication. According to Japanese records, the ship ran aground in the Fanning Islands. We've pinpointed the location."

"Okay." said Danny as he started to leave. "I'll get right on it. Oh, Chloe."

"Yeah?" asked Chloe.

"Can you run that guy through our facial recognition system?" asked Danny.

"Sure, no problem." said Chloe.

"Thanks." said Danny "Now if you don't mind, I've got a rescue to coordinate."

On his way out of the command center, he passed Tanner and Cam hiding in the shadows.

"Looks like Korpi's plan is working out nicely." said Tanner.

"Yeah, this might be just the distraction we need." said Cam.

XXXXXXXXXX

Boomhauer got on the CB. "Hey, yo. This there Boomhauer looking for them there Ghostbusters. Come back."

"This is Malcolm in the Fripon X." came the response. "We are keeping pace with the Modo Prego. We're currently on Kwajalein in the Marshall Islands."

"Thank you." said Boomhauer.

Hank, Dale, and Bobby were in the bed. "Okay, here's the plan." said Hank. "Boomhauer is our most seasoned driver, so he remains behind the wheel." Boomhauer flashed a thumbs up. "I sell propane and propane accessories and Dale is an exterminator, so we're experienced with dangerous chemicals. That makes us the natural choice to enter the car and bring it under control."

"I still don't understand what we're doing." said Bill.

Hank sighed. "For the last time, Bill, Boomhauer will get us as close to the Ghostbusters' car as he can." he said. "Then Dale and I will board the car and attempt to get it under control."

"We're gonna do wha?" asked Dale.

"Hey, guys!" said Bobby as he pointed to the Modo Prego and Fripon X ahead of them.

"Okay, it's go time!" announced Hank.

Boomhauer pulled alongside the Modo Prego.

"You go first, Dale!" said Hank.

Dale got ready, then jumped onto the Modo Prego. Unfortunately, he bounced off the roof and tumbled onto the hood of the Fripon X.

"Whoa!" said Reese.

"Don't brake." said Malcolm. "He'd want us to keep going."

"This is why I sent him first." said Hank. He got ready to jump onto the Modo Prego. Malcolm and his brothers watched intently with Dale. Hank then made his jump and landed on the Modo Prego's roof. He grabbed onto the front edge and held on.

Malcolm, his brothers, and Dale all cheered.

Hank then knocked on the driver's side window. Winston rolled it down and said "No one's home!"

Hank took a deep breath and climbed through the window. He found the gearshift and put it into neutral, then turned off the ignition. He then sat up and steered the car until it ran out of momentum. Then it stopped.

Malcolm and his brothers cheered. Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer followed suit.

"Way to go, dad!" yelled Bobby.

"Thanks." said Winston. "I completely forgot how to do that."

Hank let out the breath he was holding. "Don't mention it." he gasped.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Nash, you there?" asked Danny over satellite phone.

"Talk to me, bubba." said Nash.

"How's the rescue effort looking?" asked Danny.

"Pretty good so far." said Nash. "We've put together a sizable group. Team SCUMM, Lara's Team, James Bond, the Ninja Turtles, Stone Cold's Team, the Angels and those guys from the basement show, Michael Knight's Team, those guys from the Satellite of Love, Tommy Vercetti, and...those two morons."

"Heh heh." laughed Beavis. "He's talking about us. Heh heh."

"Okay, it sounds like you have the situation in hand." said Danny. "Just in case, I'm sending Sky Captain and the Gyro Captain to assist."

"Thanks." said Nash. "We'll be waiting for them."

Nash closed his phone and turned to the group. "Okay, guys." he said. "This is for real. Chloe ran a facial recognition program on the guy on the tape. His name is Dane Korpi and he runs with a group called the Highway Hunters. We've got maybe an hour and a half before they start inflicting harm on Mr. Lomax. In a worst case scenario, he might even leave the battleship dead. Guarding him and his teammates are quite a few dangerous individuals. This could be really dangerous. If anyone wants to back out..."

"Okay, I'm outta here." said Bernard. He then turned and started to leave.

"Bernard, don't be a tunahead!" said Nash. "What if it was you? Wouldn't you want Mr. Lomax to come to your rescue?"

Bernard thought about his statement for a few seconds. "Okay." he said and returned.

"Now that we're all on board," said Nash "we have a rescue to plot. B.A. and Murdock are working on building a landing craft to assist in an aquatic assault. Chloe sent the ship's blueprints to my cel phone. We're about ready to perform a rescue on a scale never seen before."

"What's that?" asked Dylan.

"We're mounting a rescue force so big, the next kidnappers are gonna think twice." said Nash.

"No, that!" said Dylan as she pointed.

"What the hell?" asked Nash as he looked at what she was pointing at.

The pirate ship started to sail towards shore. The observer of Bernie's abduction was on the bow.

"Okay, who ordered Long John Silvers?" asked Raphael.

The pirate hopped off the ship and approached the group. "I'd ask where the lot of you are from, but I can't quite imagine where you'd be at home." he said.

"What can I do for you?" asked Nash.

"I assume you're friends with the chap who I saw being kidnapped." said the pirate. "Perhaps you'll need help mounting a rescue. Captain Jack Sparrow at your service."

"We might need help mounting a rescue." said Nash. "Some of these guys have trouble mounting a bicycle."

"I think I will assist you then." said Jack. "I will give your troops a quick training lesson. I think I can also help with an attack by sea."

"Thanks for the offer." said Nash. "We've got a few guys who could use some pointers and we are planning two if by sea. They might need an extra gun."

"Michael, we've got a small problem." said B.A. as he and Murdock walked over.

"What's wrong?" asked Michael.

"The drivetrain we got off that truck was all wrong for the boat." said Murdock. "The engine was missing pieces, the transmission was rusted through, and the drive shaft was shaped like a banana."

"He's right." said B.A. "He even tried to peel and eat it. We need to find another drivetrain somewhere."

Michael looked at the Knight.

"Michael, I'm reading your vitals." said KITT. "I don't like what they say."

XXXXXXXXXX

Another of Yuri's Boomers attacked another bridge. This one was being crossed by Mario and his team.

"This is starting to get dangerous." said Link as the bridge started to twist.

"I know." said Luigi. "I hope Mario can get rid of that thing quickly."

Underwater, the Boomer took aim at another of the bridge supports. Meanwhile, Mario swam around it in his Frog Suit.

"Ah, here's the weak point." he said. He took out his monkeywrech and used it on the Boomer's roof hatch. Within seconds, the hatch started to leak and fill the Boomer with water. He then swam to the surface.

At the surface, Mario hopped up onto a small island and then jumped to the bridge. Luigi pulled up in the Saikou and Mario jumped in.

"Is it down?" asked Link.

"Si, si." said Mario. "She's-a sleeping with the fishes."

"We have to report this to the officials." said Luigi.

Link picked up the radio and called out. "This is Link from Team Mario. We have just been attacked by one of Yuri's submarines in the area of Kiribati. Advising caution. Over."

Not far away, Artemis Fowl and his team heard the report.

"Artemis, isn't Yuri the one who sent that UFO after us?" asked J.D.

"Yes, and I have the ideal solution." said Artemis.

XXXXXXXXXX

Tanner and Cam made their way to the vault and found the safe. Cam took one look at it and said "Damn, you didn't say it had a retinal scanner!"

"That's a problem?" asked Tanner.

"Only if you want to get into this thing!" said Cam. "This is an option which you have to specify. Bypassing it could take days. However, we can open it within seconds if you can get someone whose eye matches the scan."

"I think I know who that might be." said Tanner. "Hold on, I'll be right back."

Tanner left the vault and made his way to the operations center. He saw David onstage.

"We have just received word that a tragedy was just averted in the Marshall Islands." announced David. "One team had a small mechanical problem which led to a small medical problem. However, another team came to the rescue and everything is fine now. Pamela Finkelstein is on the scene. Pamela?"

The television next to him turned on and showed Pamela on an island with Hank and Louis. "David, we are here with Louis Tully, one of the members of the team that suffered that mishap." she announced. "We are also here with Hank Hill, one of the team members who came to their rescue. Hank, what exactly happened?"

"Well, Pamela." said Hank. "When we heard their distress call, they had a ruptured nitrous line and we had to act quickly. With Boomhauer behind the wheel, Dale and I boarded the Ghostbusters' car and got the situation under control. They're fine now, but it's gonna take a while before they can drive again."

In the background, Peter threw up.

"I see." said Pamela. "Thank you, Hank."

"Ah, it was nothing." said Hank.

"Louis, how are you and your team doing?" asked Pamela.

"Well, we're still feeling the effects of that nitrous leak." slurred Louis. "Yeah, as soon as this buzz wears off, we're gonna fix that broken nitrogen line, get back on the road, finish the race, get married, have kids, and die...possibly in the order I juss said."

"I see." said Pamela. "And how are doing with that recovery?"

"I don't know. I don't know." said Louis. "We're just gonna sit here, kick back, relax, lay about...where was I going with this?"

"Well, as you can see, the Ghostbusters have some recovery ahead." said Pamela. "Until then, our hopes are with them. This is Pamela Finkelstein signing off. Back to you, David."

"I wanna kiss you." slurred Louis.

"Something familiar about that." said David. "Hold on, I've just been informed that we've got a call from a friend of one of the teams. Hello, you're on."

"Hi, this is Moe Szyslak from Moe's Tavern in Springfield."

"How are you doing, Moe?" asked David.

"Oh fine, I guess." said Moe. "A regular of mine, Homer Simpson, is in the race with his family. He won last year."

"I'm still wondering how he pulled that off." said David.

"I just want to say that the entire town of Springfield is rooting for Homer." said Moe. Just then, an electronic tone was heard. "Hold on, I've got another call." A click was heard, then Moe said "Moe's Tavern, how can I help you?"

"Uh, yeah." said the other caller, obviously Bart. "I'm looking for a Mr. Jablome, first name Heywood."

"Hold on, I'll check." said Moe. "Heywood Jablome? Anyone, Heywood Jablome?"

The other bar patrons laughed.

"What? Why you little..!" yelled Moe before David ended the call.

"Okay." said David. "That guy has a few things to work out. We however, have some music for you. Take it away, guys."

On stage, Beck and the members of Better Than Ezra were set up.

"Okay, we're set to perform." said Beck.

"Before we get started," said Kevin Griffin, "my bandmates and I would like to dedicate this performance to the victims of Hurricane Katrina, many of whom are our friends and neighbors."

With that, Kevin and Beck started on their guitars and singing.

**Hey! Hey!  
Hey! Hey!**

Tom Drummond joined in with his bass and Travis took to his drums.

**Hey! Hey!  
Hey! Hey!**

Kevin took to solo vocals.

**When you're on a holiday,  
you can't find the words to say.  
All the things that come to you.  
And I wanna feel it too.**

Beck rejoined him on vocals.

**On an island in the sun,  
we'll be playing and having fun.  
And it makes me feel so fine,  
I can't control my brain.**

**Hey! Hey!  
Hey! Hey!**

Beck took his turn on vocals.

**When you're on a golden sea,  
you don't need no memory.  
Just a place to call your own.  
As we drift into the zone.**

Kevin joined in on vocals again.

**On an island in the sun,  
we'll be playing and having fun.  
And it makes me feel so fine,  
I can't control my brain.**

**We'll run away together.  
We'll spend some time forever.  
We'll never feel bad anymore.**

**Hey! Hey!  
Hey! Hey!  
Hey! Hey!**

**On an island in the sun,  
we'll be playing and having fun.  
And it makes me feel so fine,  
I can't control my brain.**

**We'll run away together.  
We'll spend some time forever.  
We'll never feel bad anymore.**

**Hey! Hey!  
We'll never feel bad anymore.  
Hey! Hey!  
Hey! Hey!**

**No no.  
Hey! Hey!  
Hey! Hey!  
We'll never feel bad anymore.  
No no.**

-"Island In the Sun" by Weezer

"There will be more action later, so stick around." said David.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Now, your leader, Mr. Bridges, says you all need some extra training." said Jack. "So, I will train you all in the art of sword fighting."

"Yar! Heh heh!" laughed Beavis. "Shiver me timbers. Heh heh."

"Huh huh." laughed Butthead. "Walk the plank. Huh huh."

"Our first student, Bernard." said Jack.

"Wow, I'm honored." said Bernard.

"Very well." said Jack. "Raise it. We fight."

Bernard raised his wooden training sword and Jack immediately started to spar with him. Bernard countered most of Jack's swipes on instinct. The others he jumped away from in fright. However, he didn't get in any offensive strikes.

"You fight like a dairy farmer." said Jack.

"How appropriate." said Bernard. "You fight like a cow."

Jack was stunned by Bernard's witty response. "Touche." he said.

"He said 'tushie'. Huh huh." laughed Butthead.

Bernard then went on the attack. He tried to land a few overhead strikes but Jack easily countered them. Finally, Bernard tried a sideways swipe and Jack knocked the sword out of his hand.

"I can see you need more training than I can muster." said Jack. "We shall relegate you to a strategic position."

"If you say so." said Bernard.

Nearby, Nash was overseeing the construction of the landing craft. The Knight was mounted in the center of the craft with its drive shaft connected to the propellor.

"Not bad." said Nash. "You guys do impressive work."

"And we validate parking." said Murdock.

"Michael, when I get out of this, you are a dead man." said KITT.

"Relax, buddy." said Michael. "I'm sure B.A. will fix you up good as new."

"He'd better or I'm wiping out your black book." said KITT.

"Looks like we're just about ready to strike." said Nash.

"Nash, do you think Captain Sparrow is really gonna whip those guys into shape?" asked Stone Cold.

"Maybe not." said Nash. "Those guys could really use some long-term fight training, unlike you. Say, have we met before this? I could swear I know you from somewhere."

"Can't imagine where." said Stone Cold.

Joe and Monk came back from a scouting mission.

"Nashman, we've got a problem." said Joe.

"What is it this time?" asked Nash.

"You know that battery-draining super weapon?" asked Monk. "It's guarding the _Ishikawa_."

"Small change in plans." said Nash. "Hold on, I have to inform Mr. X of what's going on."

Nash called Mr. X on his cel phone.

"So, we can count on a rescue shortly." said Mr. X. "Great, I'll talk to you later."

As he hung up, Tanner put him in a headlock and said "Either you come or your eyeball does."

XXXXXXXXXX

"This is Artemis Fowl calling anyone within range of my radio. If you can hear me, please respond."

"This is Corvax in the Schneller V8 responding. Over."

"This is Buckaroo Banzai responding to Artemis Fowl's call. Come back."

"This is Chairman Kaga responding. State your business. Over."

"My fellow Cannonballers," said Artemis "you may have noticed that the forces of Yuri have returned to take on the racers. Specificly, you may have noticed the Floating Disks attacking. However, we have managed to defeat one in Asia and we have a solution. This solution comes with a price, though."

"Explain this price of yours." said Kaga.

"If you insist." said Artemis. "Those of you who wish to use the information I am willing to sell you must repay me and my team by ceasing to race for no more than one hour."

"What?" replied Corvax. "You are asking us to give you a healthy advantage!"

"If you are attacked by a Floating Disk and you do not possess this information, you could be taken out of the race permanently." explained Artemis. "I give you one minute to decide."

"What are we going to do?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"I say we refuse his offer." said Sydney. "Calculate the odds we will be attacked by a Floating Disk, then the odds that we can come up with a solution ourselves, and then the odds that taking the penalty would be better."

"It's one hour, the Hyperthruster can make that up with little trouble." said Buckaroo. "Hold on, I've got a plan." He picked up the radio and said "This is Buckaroo Banzai calling Artemis Fowl. I accept your offer."

"Corvax and Chairman Kaga, please turn off your radios." said Artemis. After hearing the signals that Corvax and Kaga had turned off their radios, he said "Doctor Banzai, the solution is rather simple. If a Floating Disk is to attack you, quickly aim a mirror at it and try to get the laser beam to hit the mirror. The beam will be reflected back at the Disk and possibly destroy it. That is all."

"Oh, we could have figured that out!" said Sydney.

"We couldn't be sure." said Perfect Tommy.

"You know we have to do this." said Buckaroo. He pulled off to the side of the road and parked.

"How is this part of your plan?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"Watch." said Buckaroo.

Corvax and Chairman Kaga turned their radios back on.

"So, gentlemen." said Artemis. "Doctor Banzai has already taken my offer. Do you also acceed?"

Buckaroo quickly got on the radio and said "If you're attacked by a Floating Disk, use a mirror to reflect the laser beam back at the disk. You'll take it out."

"Why, thank you, Buckaroo." said Corvax.

"Arigato, Banzai-San." said Kaga.

"No problem." said Buckaroo.

"I didn't think he'ddo that." said Artemis.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, here's the plan." said Nash. "There's eleven teams and Sky Captain and the Gyro Captain will be joining us. We have an advantage in numbers, plus the Hunters don't know we will be making an aquatic assault. On the other hand, the Hunters still have that weapon that can disrupt the electrical activity in a car battery. I'm afraid our best option would be to lead them away using a decoy. Any volunteers?"

"We'll do it." said Mike Nelson.

"Tom, Crow, Gypsy, are you with him on this?" asked Nash.

"I am." said Tom.

"Me too." said Gypsy.

"Uh, can I change teams?" asked Crow.

"I salute your bravery, Nelson." said Nash. "So, most of the rest of us will infiltrate the _Ishikawa_, namely our team, Lara's Team, the Angels, Stone Cold's Team, the Turtles, and James Bond will be going in. Tommy and Max Payne will provide cover fire, the Knight Team will attack from the sea with Captain Sparrow, Team SOL will draw the battery drainer away, and Team SCUMM and Beavis and Butthead will stand by just in case."

"Tommy, do we have any guns with which to provide cover fire?" asked Max Payne.

"Are you kidding?" asked Tommy as he opened the trunk on the Veloci.

"Whoa, I like what I see." said Max as he took a sniper rifle out of the trunk.

"I thought you would." said Tommy as he took out a PSG-1.

"Alright, people." said Nash. "It's go time. The deadline is nearly upon us and Sky Captain and the Gyro Captain are on the way. Let's go!"

Paul and Feliz were standing guard over the _Ishikawa_ in the Slamvan.

"We've got a powerful weapon here." said Paul. "So, why don't we just use it for something serious?"

"Because DeMarco's paying us a freaking fortune." said Feliz.

Both men looked when the Emu drove down the road and parked in front of them. Gypsy stuck her head out of the sunroof and said "Hey, the Cannonballers want to know why you two are sitting around on your lazy butts. Do you two have anything worthwhile to do or are you just sitting around being worthless?"

Paul and Feliz got mad quickly and Paul fired up the EDB.

"Just wondering. Bye." said Gypsy. She pulled her head back into the car and said "Okay, I got his attention! Get us the hell out of here, Nelson!"

Mike floored the accelerator and raced off. Feliz drove after him in the Slamvan.

"Front door's open." said Nash. "Let's go in."

XXXXXXXXXX

Tanner marched Mr. X into the vault. "This guy should do." he said.

"What is going on here?" asked Mr. X.

"Shut your mouth, open your eyes!" ordered Tanner.

"Okay, just guide him to the scanner and I'll do the rest." said Cam.

"Just try it." said Mr. X.

Tanner just tried it. He grabbed Mr. X's head and guided it to the retinal scanner. His index and middle fingers on his right hand were holding Mr. X's eye open. The retinal scanner read his eye, then beeped.

"How much longer before you open that?" asked Tanner.

Cam opened the safe. "Would you like to see that again?" he joked. "And there's our bounty." he added when he saw a gray suitcase with black straps.

"Huh?" asked Tanner.

"The prize money." said Cam.

"Oh, THAT bounty." said Tanner. "Yeah. Wait, are you sure?"

Cam picked up the suitcase. "Feels heavy enough to be two hundred and fifty million dollars." he said. "Should we leave?"

"I dunno." said Tanner as he pointed his gun at Mr. X. "Should we?"

"If that's what you came for, go with it." said Mr. X. "Just don't hurt anyone."

"Okay." said Tanner. "Nice doing business to you."

Tanner and Cam left with the suitcase. Mr. X watched them leave, then took out a walkie-talkie.

"Danny, this is X." he said. "You're not gonna believe this."

XXXXXXXXXX

Nash and the rescue group snuck into the ship. "Okay, the Captains will be rendering assistance shortly." he said. Angels, Mr. Bond, and Stone Cold will search the aft section. The rest of us will check the fore section for Bernie and his team."

"Got it." said Natalie.

Outside, the launch was cruising towards the ship.

"There she is." said Jack. "Quite a vessel she is, too. Shame she's in such terrible condition."

"If it makes you feel any better, Captain Sparrow, I'm almost in that condition myself." said KITT.

"An interesting concept." said Jack. "A vehicle that can engage in conversation."

"Yeah, an interesting concept." said Michael. "But the reality is so much different."

Just then, the Rustler and the Gyro Captain's copter flew in for an attack run. Murdock held his arms open for them. "Baby, I'm here!" he called.

"Hey, Nash?" said Joanna. "Do you hear that?"

"Sounds like our backup is on its way." said Nash.

Joe looked out a porthole. "Uh, Nash." he said. "You you see those power lines?"

"Yeah, I hope they don't mess up the attack runs too much." said Nash.

"Sky Captain to Gyro Captain, you read?"

"Oy." said the Gyro Captain. "Preparing for attack run."

"Ready, go." said Sky Captain.

"Now." said Tommy as he and Max were perched on a hill.

"Now." said B.A. as Jack prepared to fire a cannon he had brought from his ship.

The two planes, crime lord, disgraced cop, and pirate captain fired on the _Ishikawa_.

"What did that?" asked Darden.

"We're under attack." said Johnny.

"Guys, there are Cannonballers storming the gates!" said Lance. He pointed down at Beavis and Butthead and Team SCUMM.

"Ooh, that ship kinda reminds me of that one level of 'The Infernal Machine'." said Bernard.

"The 'Indiana Jones' game or the computer you run it on?" asked Sam.

"Good point." said Bernard.

"I was just thinking about Bernie's Team." said Ben. "Is their car running?"

"Yeah, let's check it out." said Max the Rabbit.

Beavis and Butthead just laughed to each other.

"Where the hell are Paul and Feliz?" asked Joe Osbourne.

"I'm trying to get them on the radio." said Korpi.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Slamvan chased the Emu onto a deserted island.

"If I can just get a clear shot." said Paul.

Korpi came over the radio. "Feliz, are you there?" he asked.

"Yeah, what's going on?" asked Feliz.

"Get your ass back here." said Korpi. "We're under attack."

"Shit!" said Feliz. "Paulie, we're going back."

"One last shot." said Paul.

Mike held his fist out of the Emu's window and cheered. "Just try to stop me! You can't outdrive the Nelsonator!"

Paul fired the EDB at the Emu and left it coasting lifelessly. They then turned around and drove back to the _Ishikawa_.

The Emu finally stopped next to a lagoon. Mike stared at the blank instrument panel in dismay.

"D'oh." groaned Tom.

"Mike, you couldn't outdrive Billy Joel." said Crow.

XXXXXXXXXX

Lance and Johnny were searching one of the hallways on the ship.

"Do you really think anyone could have gotten onboard already?" asked Lance.

"Doubtful." said Johnny.

"Excuse me." said a voice. Johnny and Lance turned to see it belonged to Lara with her jumpsuit unzipped. "Can you help me out?"

"Sure thing, babe." said Johnny. "What do you need help with?"

"I'm looking for my friends." said Lara. "The two weird guys and the rich guy."

"Them?" asked Lance. "They're in the captain's quarters in the back of the ship."

"Thank you." said Lara. "Chun Li? Cate?"

Chun Li jumped into action and somersaulted over Lance's head, coming down on his back with a Neck Flip. Cate aimed at Johnny with her CT-180 and fired a tranquilizer dart at him.

"Nice work." said Joanna. "I feel almost useless."

"We'll find something for you to do." said Lara as she zipped up. She took out a walkie-talkie and sent out a call. "This is Lara. We have a location on Mr. Lomax and his teammates. They're in the captain's quarters in the back of the ship."

"This is Bond. We've found the captain's quarters, but they have a chain and padlock on the door."

Jaws picked up the chain and bit it in half.

"Cancel that." said Bond. "The door is open."

James and Jaws entered the captain's quarters and found Bernie, Larry, and Richard.

"Oh, thank God!" said Larry.

"I thought you could use some fresh air." said Bond.

Jaws started to untie Richard and Bond started to untie Bernie.

"Poor lad's passed out." said Bond when he saw Bernie.

"Let me help you with him." said Richard as he got up and ran over.

"Stop right there." said Joe Osbourne as he walked in with his gun drawn. Max Campisi had his out as well.

"You know you can lose an eye playing with those." said Bond.

"Don't even think of trying to escape." said Max.

"Believe me, that's something I don't need to think about." said Bond. "Luckily, I think there's a rescue in the works." He held up his walkie-talkie with the transmit button pushed.

"Max, cover the door." said Joe as he went to apprehend the British agent.

Suddenly, Nemesis ripped through the wall and roared. Stone Cold and Rob Zombie followed.

"Oh no." said Max. A second later, Nemesis grabbed him.

"Here's one from the Rattlesnake!" said Stone Cold as he charged Joe.

Darden and Korpi were next on the scene and saw Nemesis and Stone Cold fighting with Joe and Max.

"What are these guys doing?" asked Korpi.

"I dunno, but we have to get in there." said Darden.

Stone Cold threw Joe to the wall. Joe bounced off and ran back towards him, only to be caught in Stone Cold's clothesline.

Nemesis charged Max again and punched him. He then picked him up and tossed him to the ground.

"Okay, who needs someone?" asked Darden.

"I do." said Wayne as he walked in behind them. "Any last words?"

"Prepare for pain." said Korpi.

"What now?" asked Garth.

"I don't know." said Wayne. "I didn't really plan past the threat."

Just then, the Angels ran in to help. "I told you they should've waited in the car." said Dylan.

Natalie rushed in and launched into a flying kick. She connected with Korpi and knocked him to the floor.

Alex followed up with a roundhouse to Darden's shoulder. He blocked it, but Alex quickly took him down with a foot sweep.

Stone Cold dropped Joe throat first on the edge of the table, his infamous Stun Gun finishing move.

Nemesis picked up Max by the head and prepared to impale him with one of his tentacles. Rob stopped him, however.

"Uh uh." he said. "That's not nice. Didn't momma teach you not to play with your food?"

Nemesis dropped Max and roared.

"Alright!" yelled Stone Cold. "We just kicked the Hunters' asses! That's the bottom line, because Stone Cold said so!"

"Okay, let's get out of here." said Alex.

"Wait up." said Larry as he and Richard carried Bernie out of the room.

Bond got on his walkie-talkie again. "This is Bond. We've rescued the hostages and we're getting out."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Hawaii...

"I think Korpi and Darden are wasting their time." said Mia.

"I agree." said Linda. "I doubt concentrating on this Bridges guy will help our efforts any."

"Are we almost done?" asked Mitzi.

"No, we ARE done." said Nichole as she stepped away from a sign. It read "Cannanballers detour. This way to avoid Yuri."

"Are you sure this is going to work?" asked Kim. "I mean, didn't someone try this last year?"

"Yes." said Mitzi. "That's why they won't suspect it a second time."

"Perhaps we should give it a chance." said Linda. "Are we done here?"

"Yes, we are." said Mia. "Let's go make that call."

"Agreed." said Nichole. "We have to call her...just in case."

XXXXXXXXXX

"We probably set ourselves back a few hours." said Nash as he ran out with the rest of the rescue team. "We have to make up that time."

"Right." said Lara. "Get the cars fired up."

"Sky Captain, this is Nash. We need some more cover fire."

"I've got the drive shaft reconnected." said B.A.

"Good, let's see how it works." said Michael as he climbed into the Knight.

"Thank you for your help, Captain Jack Sparrow." said Murdock.

"If you need anymore help, just track me down." said Jack.

"Come on, crazy fool!" said B.A. from the Knight's passenger seat. Murdock ran over and jumped in the back.

"Stop them!" yelled Korpi from the ship. "They're getting away."

"I'm all lined up for a pass and WHOA!" said Sky Captain before noticing the power lines and breaking off his attack run. "I'm coming around for another pass." he announced.

As he came around, he noticed the Gyro Captain flying between the power lines and dropping some bombs on the ship. The Hunters scattered.

Richard and Larry ran back to their car and found Ben and Bernard looking it over. "What are you doing?" asked Larry.

"Hold on." said Bernard. He turned the key in the Ascent which started right up. "Good, it works."

"Thanks, now leave." said Richard. Ben and Bernard ran back to their own car while Larry and Richard threw Bernie into the backseat.

"Looks like the racers are getting out of here." said Max Payne.

"Yeah, and they're leaving without us!" said Tommy. "Come on!"

The Turtles returned to the Cocotte. "Total bummer, dudes!" said Michaelangelo. "We didn't get to do any ninja-ing!"

Thee Slamvan returned with the EDB aimed towards the Cocotte.

"Happy now?" asked Raphael.

The Knight raced around from behind the ship and towards the Slamvan.

"Turbo boost, KITT!" said Michael as he hit the switch.

The car shot into high speed straight towards the Slamvan. Paul and Feliz jumped clear of the truck. The Knight crashed head-on into it and ripped it to shreds.

"Go! Go!" yelled Nash.

Everyone had returned to their cars and were racing off. The Hunters ran out of the ship.

"We can't let them escape." said Darden. "Let's get moving."

Sky Captain and the Gyro Captain made one last pass to survey the situation.

"Situation seems to be under control." said Sky Captain. "By the way, that was some fancy flying back there."

"Why, thank you." said the Gyro Captain.

"Just tell me one thing." said Sky Captain. "How did you manage to fly through those wires?"

The Gyro Captain looked at him confused. "What wires?" he asked.

Nearby, the Lone Wolf surveyed the situation himself. "This was an ambush." he said and took off after the others.

XXXXXXXXXX

"It just won't start!" groaned Mike.

"Well, I guess we're going to have to go out and look for help." said Tom.

"Good idea, Tom." said Mike. "You and Crow go out and look. Gypsy and I will maintain base camp here. If something goes wrong, just holler."

"Got it." said Crow. "Let's see what's out there."

"Watch out for snakes." said Tom.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nash raced down a road on Johnston Island. The Blade and Jester were hot on his tail. Lone Wolf was behind them on the Nousagi.

"Hey, Nashman, can we lose this guy, please?" asked Joe.

"Workin' on it, bubba." said Nash.

The Blade and Jester raced up behind Nash. Darden and Lance, who were in the cars' passenger seats, tried to aim their sidearms at the Paris Cop Car.

Lone Wolf had other ideas. He revved up the Nousagi and did a wheelie as he raced between the two cars. They both swerved to avoid him and the two gunmen messed up their shots. As they readjusted their aim, Lone Wolf pulled his rear brake handle and sent up a cloud of dust. Korpi and Johnny tried to break free of the dust cloud, but ended up spinning out.

"The solution presents itself." said Monk.

"Absolutely." said Nash as Lone Wolf pulled alongside. "Thanks for your help."

"Better watch yourself." said Lone Wolf. "It looks like they singled you out."

"Thanks again." said Nash.

Lone Wolf raced off.

"Looks like you've got your own guardian angel." said Monk.

"I already like him better than the last one." said Nash.

Suddenly, the car was rammed from behind. "I thought he took care of those guys." said Joe.

Nash looked behind him. "It's not them! It's that black van that's been terrorizing everyone!"

"Get us out of here anyway!" yelled Monk.

Nash tried to do as Monk said, but the car got rammed again and started to spin. Nash struggled to correct the spin, but the van rammed the car again before he could even it out. The impact sent the car off the road, where it rolled over several times. The van drove off as the car finally came to a rest.

"Everyone alright?" asked Nash.

"I'm fine." said Joe. "Don't know about Monk." Monk was frozen in shock in the backseat. Joe hit the cage and woke him up.

"Come on, let's inspect the damage." said Nash.

The three men climbed out of the car and surveyed the wreckage. Nash handed Joe a small flashlight and used one of his own to check under the car.

"Nash, why is your flashlight bigger than mine?" asked Joe when he saw that Nash had a Maglite.

"Because it ate its vegetables." said Nash.

Monk ignored both of them. He was transfixed on the car's roof lights. Of the four lights, both of the blue lights and one of the amber lights were broken. The other amber light was still completely intact, though.

"Okay, I've got a bent axle and a broken brake line." said Nash. "What about you?"

"Leaky fuel tank." said Joe. "I don't think this car's going anywhere."

"Damn!" said Nash. "We're out of the race!"

"There goes one level of protection." said Joe.

"Well, I guess I'd better phone this in." said Nash as he handed the Maglite to Joe and took out his cel phone.

"Unbelievable." said Joe to Monk. "DNFed just like that."

"You're telling me." said Monk. "Joe, could I have that flashlight, please?"

"Sure." said Joe. He handed the small flashlight to Monk.

"No, the other one." said Monk. "The Maglite."

Joe handed the Maglite to Monk.

"Thank you." said Monk. He turned and used the Maglite to smash the still intact amber light. He then handed the Maglite back to Joe and said "You'll thank me later."

XXXXXXXXXX

Tom hovered through the jungle while Crow walked with him.

"Tom, there's nothing on this island." said Crow. "What does Mike think we'll find?"

"Crow, we've only been searching for two minutes." said Tom as they reached a clearing. "There's something here, I can feel it."

"Are you absolutely sure?" asked Crow as he started to slowly descend. "Because I think...help, help me, I'm sinking!"

"Whoa!" said Tom. "Quicksand!"

"Really now?" asked Crow. "Could you get me out of it, please?"

"Just relax, Crow." said Tom as he hovered around. "I gotcha. Okay." Tom grabbed a dangling vine. "You ready, Crow?"

"Oh sure. No rush." said Crow. "Just sinking to my doom."

"Here's what we do." said Tom. He lowered the vine to Crow. "First, I want you to get a tight grip on the vine."

"Got it." said Crow as he grabbed onto the vine tightly.

"Then, I want you to give it a strong pull..." said Tom.

"Okay." said Crow as he gave the vine a sharp yank.

"Whoa!" yelled Tom as he tumbled out of the air and fell into the quicksand.

"Tom, you okay?" asked Crow.

Tom turned his head until his mouth was clear of the quicksand and started spitting it out. "Crow, let me finish what I was trying to tell you." he said. "I want you to give the vine a strong pull AFTER I TIE IT TO A TREE BRANCH!"

"Well, darn." said Crow. "I guess there's only one option now."

"What's that?" asked Tom.

"MIKE!" screamed Crow.

"Good idea." said Tom. "MIKE!"

"Quicksand!" yelled Crow.

"Quicksand?" yelled Mike. "Hang on, I'm coming!"

"Mike's coming! Woo hoo!" cheered Tom.

"We are..." said Crow.

"Hang on, guys!" yelled Mike as he ran into the clearing, hit his head on a tree branch, and stumbled into the quicksand.

"...doomed as doomed can be." said Crow.

"Uh, Mike?" said Tom.

"Yeah?" said Mike.

"There's quicksand." said Tom.

"Oh." said Mike.

"Does anybody have any other ideas?" asked Crow.

"Nothing comes to mind." said Mike.

"I'm gonna miss you guys." sobbed Tom.

"I'm gonna miss you too." said Mike.

Suddenly, there was a rustling from the bushes.

"What's that?" asked Mike.

"Somebody's coming!" said Crow.

"But WHO?" said Tom melodramaticly. "Who is IT? WHOOOOOO ARRRRREEE YOUUUU?"

The somebody stepped into the clearing.

"No." said Mike.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Blade had gotten back on the road and was now in pursuit of the Interna.

"Can't you catch this guy?" asked Darden.

"I'm trying." said Korpi. "He won't get away."

In the Interna...

"I've almost got this thing installed." said Beavis as he worked under the dashboard.

"Where did you get that radio?" asked Butthead.

"I took it out of Bernie's car while those fartknockers were trying to get it restarted." said Beavis.

The two cars swerved around the Baja Buggy.

"Hey, wasn't that those two teenage morons?" asked Highway.

"Yeah, I think it was." said Max.

"Don't you think we sould help them?" asked Highway.

"Of course." said Max.

"Come on, heh heh." said Beavis. "Lose this buttmunch."

"Uh, okay." said Butthead.

Highway aimed a shotgun at the back window of the Blade. "Steady, steady." he said.

"Now, let's get him." said Korpi as he edged the Blade closer to the Interna.

Highway fired his shotgun and completely blew out the Blade's rear window.

"Son of a bitch!" yelled Darden.

"Who's that guy?" asked Korpi.

"I don't know, but he wants to play." said Darden.

The Interna raced ahead of the other two.

"There's a bridge!" said Butthead. "Floor it!"

"What are you telling me 'Floor it'?" yelled Beavis. "You're driving, dumbass!"

"Shut up, Beavis!" said Butthead.

The Interna raced onto the bridge. Unfortunately, another of Yuri's Boomers was taking aim at the supports.

"Target in sight, sir." said the gunner.

"Fire when ready." said the captain.

The Boomer let loose with a few torpedoes, taking out the bridge support.

"Wait, cease fire." said the captain.

"What's wrong?" asked the gunner.

"The racer already crossed the bridge." said the captain.

On the island, the dust was starting to clear.

"Uh oh, problem." said Max.

"The bridge is out?" asked Highway.

"No, it's only partially collapsed." said Max. "But the bridge is down to one lane."

"There's no way we're both gonna make that gap." said Darden.

"That's why we have to get to it first." said Korpi.

Both Korpi and Max floored their accelerators and raced for the bridge. Both were side by side.

"Let us go first!" yelled Korpi.

"No, you!" yelled Max.

Suddenly, the Blade blew a tire and Korpi struggled to maintain control. He failed.

Thee Baja Buggy raced onto the bridge. The Blade careened off the side and dropped into the ocean.

"Another racer." said the Boomer's gunner.

"Take out the bridge." ordered the captain.

Just then, the Blade slammed onto the top of the Boomer and breached the hull.

"On second thought, get the repair crew." said the captain.

XXXXXXXXXX

After being rescued from the quicksand, Mike and the bots cleaned themselves off while their rescuers looked on. Mike turned to the man in the red rugby shirt and sailor's cap and told him "Thanks for saving our lives, Gilligan."

"No problem." said Gilligan. "You know, that's the first time anyone's actually said that to me."

Professor Roy Hinkley looked under the car's hood.

"I'm still impressed with that Geiger counter you rigged up." said Tom.

"Thanks, but I'd really like to determine what's wrong with this engine." said the Professor. "I'm not exactly up on technology of the past twenty or so years."

Mary Ann walked over with a couple of banana cream pies. "So, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"Oh, we're taking part in a race around the world." said Mike. "We're currently on the Pacific Ocean leg on our way to South America."

"Wow, that sounds exciting." said Gilligan.

"So, tell me." said Crow. "How is it you can build a nuclear reactor out of coconuts, but you can't build a boat?"

"You wouldn't understand." said the Professor.

"Of course, then the guy hits us with that electric thing and the car just stops." said Mike.

"Well, Mr. Nelson." said the Professor. "Your battery is completely drained. It's like something just sucked all the power out of it."

"Must've been the weapon they hit us with." said Gypsy.

"Is there anything we can do?" asked Mike.

"There is." said the Professor. "Back at the camp, we have a few generators built into bikes that we use to recharge the batteries in the radio every once in a while. We can get those and be back within ten minutes."

"Great." said Mike. "Let's do that."

"Okay, let us take you there." said Mary Ann.

"Right." said the Professor. "We wouldn't want you falling into any other quicksand pits."

"Mike, are you gonna take that from 'and the rest'?" asked Tom.

"Right now, I have to." said Mike.

XXXXXXXXXX

Tanner dragged the suitcase behind him. "I think the big problem with this heist is getting off the ship with the take." he said.

"Maybe we should call on Mr. Purple." said Cam.

"Good idea." said Tanner. He pushed a button on his walkie-talkie and said "Mr. Purple, we need a distraction to get off this ship."

No response.

"Mr. Purple, do you copy?" asked Tanner.

Still nothing.

"Captain Everett?" asked Tanner.

Nothing still.

"Mr. Sanderson?" asked Tanner.

"Mrs. Esterhouse?" came the reply.

"I think we're gonna need a distraction to get out of here." said Tanner.

"Okay." said Everett. "I read you loud and clear."

Tanner and Cam made their way to the top deck and got ready to make their way past the guards. Tanner spotted Everett and waved.

Everett hit the switch on his remote control, setting off a series of smoke bombs.

"What's going on?" asked Danny.

"I think that's our intruders' escape distraction." said Chloe.

Another smoke bomb went off on the side of the ship. Yet another went off near the doors to the lounge. Another went off right underneath Everett's rear. (He'd forgotten where he was standing.) Cam watched him running around in shock.

"Why did we bring him again?" he asked.

"I'll tell you later." said Tanner. "Let's get out of here."

Tanner, Cam, and Everett ran for the gangplank and made their way to the Sentinel. Danny and Mr. X ran out on deck to survey the damage.

"Looks like they used smoke bombs to cover their tracks." said Danny.

"Which is kind of ironic considering what they stole." said Mr. X.

"I wish I could be there when they open that suitcase." said Danny.

XXXXXXXXXX

Mike and Mary Ann pedalled on the generator bikes which were hooked up to the Emu's battery. Crow sat in the car's front seat getting ready to start the car. The Professor kept watch on the generators.

"Professor, I'm starting to get a little tired." said Mary Ann.

"No problem, you can take a break." said the Professor.

"I'll take over for you, Mary Ann." said Gilligan.

"Thanks, Gilligan." said Mary Ann. She climbed off the bike and Gilligan climbed on.

"How's it looking?" asked Gypsy.

"Looks like it's recharging nicely." said the Professor.

"Can't believe you outlasted Mary Ann like that." said Gilligan.

"Yeah, I used to work out every day on the satellite." said Mike.

"Bet you can't outlast us both." said Gilligan.

"You're on, little buddy." said Mike.

Mike and Gilligan started pedalling even harder. In fact, Gilligan was pedalling so hard, the supports on his bike started to shake.

The Professor watched over the generators for a few more seconds. "Crow, try it now." he said.

Crow turned the ignition key. The Emu's engine roared to life. The bots all let out a cheer.

"We did it!" yelled Mike.

"Yeah!" yelled Gilligan. Suddenly, the supports on his bike gave out and his bike fell to the sand. He pulled away from the generator and rode down the beach and into the lagoon.

"Thank you, Professor." said Mike. "We owe you big time. If there's anything we can do to repay you, just say so."

"Oh, it was just nice having visitors..." said the Professor before something dawned on him. "You said you were on a race around the world, right?"

"Yeah." said Mike as he walked back to the Emu.

"How did you get onto the island?" asked the Professor.

"Oh, the race officials built a series of bridges across the ocean." said Mike. "We took one here and are taking another one to Hawaii."

"Thanks." said the Professor.

Mike climbed into the Emu with the bots and Crow drove off. Gilligan walked out of the lagoon and joined the Professor and Mary Ann.

"Gilligan, Mary Ann, did you hear what he said?" asked the Professor.

"Yeah, the race officials built a couple of bridges to the island." said Gilligan.

"Does that mean what I think?" asked Mary Ann. "We're finally getting off the island?"

"Yes, it does!" cheered the Professor.

"Well, it's about dang time!" said Gilligan.

"Come on, let's get what we need!" said the Professor.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Cocotte, Veloci, and Zender Alpha raced down the bridge with the Remington hot on their tails.

"You know, a little gunfire could make a world of difference here." said Tommy.

"I agree." said Max. "You keep driving. I'll shoot."

"Looks like our companions are getting ready to party." said Lara.

"He could probably use some help." said Joanna.

Max and Joanna climbed out of their windows and took aim at the Remington.

"Oh look." said Joe. "They're going to try to take us out."

"I'd like to see that." said Max Campisi. "Don't they know our windows are bulletproof?"

"What about the rest of the car?" asked Joe.

"I took care of that!" said Max. "I heard about last year."

"What about the tires?" asked Joe. "I don't think bulletproof tires exist."

"Yeah, right." said Max. "Try hitting something that small."

Max Payne and Joanna fired upon the car. Although they scored many hits, no damage was done.

"The car appears to be bulletproof." said Joanna.

"Do they have such a thing as bulletproof tires?" asked Max.

"I don't think so, but good luck hitting them." said Joanna.

"Who needs luck?" asked Max. "I can do this."

Max concentrated his aim and time slowed down. He took aim at the Remington's tires and let a couple of shots fly. Both shots hit the tire, causing a blowout.

Joe tried to maintain control over the car, but ended up spinning out and rolling it several times.

"Nice move." said Max Campisi.

"What's that smell?" asked Joe.

"Burning gas!" yelled Max.

"Run!" yelled Joe.

Both bailed out of the car and made a run for it. After they had made it a respectable distance, the car exploded.

XXXXXXXXXX

At Bluth Construction, Gob was still watching the race on television. He had seen the Remington explode and laughed as Michael walked in.

"What did I miss?" asked Michael.

"One of the Hunters' vehicles just exploded on the bridge." said Gob.

"That can't be good for the bridge!" said Michael.

"Ah, these things happen all the time." said Gob as a dust cloud started to form around the bridge support.

"As you can see, Schwag," said Frankie on television "another Hunter vehicle has bitten the...HOLY CRAP, SCHWAG!" The bridge support had buckled and collapsed.

"You gotta be kidding me!" yelled Schwag as the bridge started folding like a house of cards. "The bridge is collapsing! The BRIDGE IS COLLAPSING!"

"Oh my GOD!" yelled Michael. Gob just stared in wide-mouthed shock.

XXXXXXXXXX

Max Payne and Joanna returned to their cars as they passed the Cocotte.

"Tommy, do we have any nitrous left?" asked Max as he looked at the collapsing bridge in his rearview.

"Yeah, but I'm saving it for a special occasion." said Tommy.

"Is a collapsing bridge special enough?" asked Max.

"Hell yeah!" said Tommy. He quickly hit the nitrous switch and the Veloci rocketed down the bridge.

"Lara, I think we should also hit our nitrous and...uh, never mind." said Chun Li.

"Donatello, hit the nitrous!" yelled Leonardo.

"I can't!" said Donatello. "We're out!"

"Remind me never to build a race car with you!" snapped Raphael.

Suddenly, the bridge fell right out from under the Cocotte.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Raphael.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!" screamed Michaelangelo.

"HELP USSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" screamed Leonardo just before the Cocotte plunged into the sea.

"Floor it, Lara!" said Cate. "Floor it!"

"I'm giving it the best I've got!" said Lara.

Just then, the bridge fell out from under them. The Zender hit a section that was angling out of the water and jumped off it. It then hit the water at such an angle to skip right off repeatedly like a stone. Finally, they reached another section that was sticking into the water like a ramp.

The bridge had finished collapsing. After the dust settled, the Cocotte floated past the carnage.

"Whoa, we're totally floating!" said Michaelangelo.

"Good, that means the floatation system I built into the car is working." said Donatello.

"But I thought vehicle transformations were illegal this year." said Raphael.

"Did you see anything change shape?" asked Donatello.

"Ah, sharp thinking, Donatello." said Leonardo.

"Awesome!" said Michaelangelo. "Then let's fire up the outboard and boogie on over to Waikiki."

"Sorry, Michaelangelo." said Donatello. "I didn't have the time or resources to install a propulsion system."

"So, what does that mean?" asked Raphael. Donatello handed him and Michaelangelo a pair of oars. "I had to ask." hegroaned.

At one end of the bridge, Gilligan, the Professor, and Mary Ann looked at the destruction from the pedal car Gilligan was driving.

"Well, back to the drawing board." said the Professor.

XXXXXXXXXX

At Bluth Construction, the television showed the collapsed bridge.

"As you can see, a five mile section of the bridge has collapsed." said Frankie on television. "Fortunately, we have no reports of fatalities..."

Gob tried to support his head with his hand. "I've made a huge mistake." he moaned.

"Relax, Gob." said Michael. "Just relax. Maybe it isn't as bad as you think. Look."

On television, Big Schwag was standing with Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here with a friend of one of the Cannonball teams." he said. "Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, towhat do you attribute this bridge collapse?"

Beaker gave out a long explanation.

"What Beaker said is that the cause is rather simple." said Dr. Honeydew. "When the Hunter's car exploded, it sent a shockwave through the support pillar which weakened its structural integrity. As you saw, the car was right on top of the pillar when it exploded, so the damage was concentrated there. After the pillar crumbled, the two cantilevers of the bridge fell with it. After that, momentum resulted in the collapse of the following sections of the bridge until that momentum ran out. Thus, you have it."

"See? We're in the clear." said Michael as Beaker explained something else to Dr. Honeydew.

"Although Beaker also says that the bridge probably would have held together if it wasn't so shoddily constructed." said Dr. Honeydew.

"Okay." said Michael.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, we're almost ready to go to the new locations." said Nessa. "Chloe just has to pack up her computer equipment."

"We've paid the owners of the Sea Phantom for the rental." said Brock. "We also threw in a little to compensate for the smoke damage."

"Okay, we've got the tickets to Phoenix and you guys have your tickets to San Francisco." said Mr. X.

"Think we should do one last broadcast to acknowledge the heist?" asked Victor.

"We might as well." said J.J.

"Brock!" yelled Big Schwag as he ran in. "We just got a call from the Crusero. Something's up."

"Patch it through." said Brock.

The viewscreen came up, showing Bugs, Daffy, and Wile E. standing next to the sign Mitzi's group had put up.

"What's going on, Bugs?" asked Brock.

"Boy, you're never going to get anywhere with a greeting like that." said Bugs. "Take 'What's up, doc?'. Now, that's a greeting."

"Why are you calling?" asked Brock.

"Well, we found this sign here." said Daffy. "At first, we thought it was official, then we noticed a tiny flaw."

"I see it." said Frankie. "'Cannonballers' is misspelled. It says 'Can-NAN-ballers' instead."

"Who put that up?" asked Brock.

"They were gone when we got here." said Bugs.

"Brock, I think I have an idea." said Danny. "The Highway Hunters were all busy taking Mr. Lomax hostage. It's doubtful this fits into the M.O. of Yuri, those cops, or Foyt and the Warrior. You know who that leaves."

"You mean those alien girls Nash warned us about?" asked Brock.

"Bingo." said Danny.

"Bugs, take the sign down." said Brock. "I don't want anyone falling for this trick a second time."

"Wait, did Chloe pack up her stuff yet?" asked Danny.

"I don't think so." said Brock "Why?"

"What if someone did fall for this a second time?" asked Danny.

XXXXXXXXXX

Marcus and Regis drove off the bridge to...somewhere.

"Where are we?" asked Marcus.

"I wish I knew." said Regis. "Wait, there's other Cannonballers."

The Alarde and 1971 Bestia were parked in front of them. Marcus brought the car to a halt and the two climbed out.

"What's going on?" asked Regis.

"We just checked." said Memphis. "There's no bridge leading off this island, only the one we came in on."

"That's highly unusual." said Super Dave. "Plus, the area itself is pretty desolate. I'm not sure we can get through this overgrowth."

"You guys get the feeling we've been bamboozled?" asked Marcus.

XXXXXXXXXX

On a Hawaiian beach...

"Hey, look what's going on here." said Kermit.

"It's a luau!" said Fozzie.

"LUAU! LUAU!" cheered Animal.

"Maybe we should stop for a little bit." said Gonzo.

"Mmm, I don't know." said Kermit.

"We haven't stopped to eat anything in a while." said Fozzie.

"And look." said Gonzo. "Other Cannonballers are here."

The ice cream truck and Tokyo Cop Car were in the parking lot.

"Okay." said Kermit. "Let's stop and chat."

Kermit parked the Modicum and the Muppets climbed out.

"Hey, welcome to the luau!" said Shaggy.

"How's the food?" asked Gonzo.

"Great." said Fackler. "The buffet table is right over there."

He turned to point and knocked over a surfer. The surfer stumbled over a couple who were eating and threw his surfboard into the back of the chef. The chef fell hands-first onto the grill and burned his hands. He ran around screaming and fell into the sand.

"Get it while it lasts." said Fackler.

Johnny and Lance drove along in the Jester. "Johnny, look!" yelled Lance.

"Two teams and a group of protectors in one place." said Johnny. "This is too good to pass up. Let's get 'em."

At the luau, Kermit was talking with Daphne and Velma. "And after that, hosting 'The Muppet Show' was a no-brainer."

"So, tell us more." said Velma.

"Yeah, what's it like working with Miss Piggy?" asked Daphne.

"Where do I begin?" asked Kermit.

Animal sat with Zed laughing. "ZED!" he cried.

"Yeah, yeah." said Zed. "You know, I-I feel we have this connection like no one else."

Suddenly, a gunshot rang out. Everyone turned to see Johnny and Lance.

"Well, looks like a party." said Lance.

"You may continue." said Johnny. "We're just here for the Cannonballers."

Offshore, the Cocotte floated towards the beach.

"I think we're caught in a current." said Leonardo.

"Good, we can ride the wave into shore." said Donatello.

"You heard him, Michaelangelo." said Raphael.

"I'm on it, dude!" said Michaelangelo. He climbed onto the roof and took a surfer's stance.

On the beach, the Cannonballers had their hands up.

"Uh, if my friend tells you a joke, will you let us go?" asked Kermit.

"Perhaps." said Johnny. "Let's hear it."

"Okay." said Fozzie. "Why did the Hawaiian chef spank one of his dishes? Because he was a bad poi. Wakka wakka!"

"Him first." said Lance.

"Fozzie!" yelled Kermit and Gonzo.

"Well, I thought it was funny." said Fozzie.

"What's that coming in on the wave?" asked Freddie.

"Is that the Turtles?" asked Hooks.

"COWABUNGA!" yelled Michaelangelo as he rode the Cocotte to shore.

"Leonardo, look!" said Raphael.

"Two of the Hunters." said Leonardo. "Time for action."

The Cocotte touched down on the beach and the Turtles sprung into action. They all took ninja stances.

"The Turtles!" yelled Johnny.

Lance turned to shoot at them and Raphael threw his sai at him. The sai stuck in the barrel of his gun, but he fired anyway. Not surprisingly, the gun exploded.

"Let's see." said Raphael as he caught the sai. "He's got a gun, but there's nowhere for the bullet to go. So naturally, he pulls the trigger."

"Turtle power!" yelled Leonardo. The Turtles jumped into action.

Meanwhile, Shaggy and Scooby Doo checked out the Jester.

"Look, Scoobs." said Shaggy. "They left the keys in the car."

"Reah!" said Scooby. "Ret's do romething rith it."

Johnny tried firing a few shots at Donatello, but the Turtle managed to dodge every shot fired. He finally reached Johnny and knocked the gun out of his hand with his bo staff.

Hooks and Fackler engaged in hand-to-hand combat with Lance. He was able to twist out of every hold and attempt to box him in. Finally, he came face-to-face with Zed who knocked him on his back with a scream.

Johnny duelled with the Turtles some more when Fozzie came up to him and said "Hey, where's your car going?"

"I don't know, where is my car going?" asked Johnny.

"I thought you knew." said Fozzie.

Realizing Fozzie wasn't telling a joke, Johnny looked to see Shaggy and Scooby Doo driving off in the Jester.

"Boy, they don't look happy." said Shaggy.

"Ruh huh." said Scooby.

"After them!" yelled Lance. He and Johnny jumped into the Tokyo Cop Car, started it, and drove off.

"They're stealing our car!" said Hooks.

"No problem." said Freddie. "There's plenty of room in ours."

The remaining members of Mystery, Inc. and the police officers climbed into the ice cream truck. The Turtles and Muppets climbed into their respective cars. All of them took off after the Tokyo Cop Car and Jester.

"Raggy, rut are re roing?" asked Scooby.

"I don't know, Scooby." said Shaggy. "I'm just trying to...ZOINKS!"

He plowed on the brakes and stopped just before a lava flow.

"I guess we can't go this way." he said.

Just then, the Tokyo Cop Car pulled up behind them and Johnny and Lance jumped out. "Give us back our car." said Johnny.

"Rokay! Rokay!" said Scooby as he got out.

"Okay, we'll give you back your car and no one gets hurt." said Shaggy as he followed.

Then, the ice cream truck, Cocotte, and Modicum pulled in.

"Freeze, sleaze!" yelled Raphael.

"Back off or...or..." said Lance.

"Somebody just realized he doesn't have any weapons." said Daphne.

"Okay, take a hike." said Fackler. "Or else."

"Okay, okay." said Johnny. "We'll leave."

"You haven't seen the last of us." said Lance.

The two hoodlums left.

"Boy, that was scary." said Shaggy.

"Well, at least you made it out unharmed." said Leonardo.

"And we managed to recover an enemy car." said Kermit.

"Sure did." said Fackler. He leaned on the Jester's spoiler. Suddenly, the car rolled towards the lava flow.

"Ruh roh." said Scooby.

"I think I forgot to set the brakes." said Shaggy.

The Jester fell into the lava and started to sink and burn. It exploded soon after.

"On the plus side, I think the lava cleared up my sinuses." said Fackler.

"And so, another Hunter's wheels bites the big burrito." said Michaelangelo.

"Come on, we've got a race to win." said Fozzie.

XXXXXXXXXX

The L.A. Cop Car, 1971 Bestia, and Alarde parked in a clearing. All their occupants exited the vehicles.

"Does anyone know where we are?" asked Dominic.

"I don't." said Fuji. "There's something familiar about it, though."

"Uh, guys." said Marcus. "I was just talking with Regis and I think we might know where we are."

"Where are we, then?" asked Memphis.

"Last year, two of our cohorts blew up the bridge from South America to Antarctica." said Regis. "They then built a new bridge which took a few teams to Isla Sorna."

"That is the location of the infamous Jurassic Park." said Marcus. "And that is where we are."

"Oh, get real!" said Dominic.

"What?" asked Regis.

"Well, think about it." said Jesse. "Your cohorts did that last year. They failed. When Plan A fails, you go to Plan B. You don't do Plan A recycled."

"Besides, this can't be Jurassic Park." said Super Dave as he stood in a giant shadow. "We've been here for three hours and we still haven't seen one dinosaur." Everyone looked at him in sheer terror. "What?" he asked.

A loud roar was heard. Super Dave looked up at the gaping jaw of a ferocious tyranosaurus rex.

"Oh." said Super Dave a second before the T-rex stepped on him.

"Super!" yelled Fuji.

"Run!" yelled Memphis. He and his teammates returned to their car.

**Boom boom!  
Acka lacka lacka boom!  
Boom boom!  
Acka lacka boom boom!  
Boom boom!  
Acka lacka lacka boom!  
Boom boom!  
Acka lacka boom boom!**

Fuji ran over to retrieve Super Dave. He found him reduced to a helmet with feet and picked him up. "Super, are you alright?" he asked.

**Boom boom!  
Acka lacka lacka boom!**

"I'm okay, Fuji." said Super Dave. "I'll probably miss school Monday, but I'm fine."

**Boom boom!  
Acka lacka boom boom!**

Fuji ran back to the Alarde. "I thought I left Japan to get away from this." he said.

**Boom boom!  
Acka lacka lacka boom!**

Marcus and Regis returned to their car and found a spitter sitting on the hood.

"Hey, get outta there!" yelled Marcus.

**Boom boom!  
Acka lacka boom boom!**

The spitter opened its frill and spat a glob of venom at him, hitting him in the face.

Regis fired his shotgun at the spitter and knocked it off the hood.

**It was a night like this forty million years ago.  
I lit a cigarette, picked up a monkey skull to go.  
The sun was spitting fire. The sky was blue as ice.  
I felt a little tired, so I watched "Miami Vice".**

"We're outta here!" said Memphis as he climbed behind the wheel.

Suddenly, the T-rex grabbed the Bestia in its jaw and picked up the car.

**I walked the dinosaur.  
I walked the dinosaur.**

"Are you okay?" asked Regis.

"I can't see shit!" gasped Marcus. "You're gonna have to drive!"

**Open the door, get on the floor.  
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.  
Open the door, get on the floor.  
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.  
Open the door, get on the floor.  
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.  
Open the door, get on the floor.  
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.**

Fuji jumped into the Alarde and dropped Super Dave into the passenger seat.

"Hit the nitrous purge!" said Dominic.

**Boom boom!  
Acka lacka lacka boom!  
Boom boom!  
Acka lacka boom boom!  
Boom boom!  
Acka lacka lacka boom!  
Boom boom!  
Acka lacka boom boom!**

Memphis hit the nitrous purge and sprayed it right into the T-rex's mouth. The T-rex gagged and spit out the car.

Memphis raced off with the L.A. Cop Car right behind him. Just as Marcus suggested, Regis was driving.

**I met you in a cave, you were painting buffalo.  
I said I'd be your slave, follow you wherever you go.  
That night, we split a rattlesnake and danced beneath the stars.  
You fell asleep, I stayed awake and watched the passing cars.**

The racers raced through the jungle towards the bridge they'd come in on.

A velociraptor jumped out in front of the Alarde. Fuji screamed and swerved around it.

**And walked the dinosaur.  
I walked the dinosaur.**

The velociraptor clawed at the Alarde as it passed.

The Bestia rammed into the raptor and sent it flying into the air. It came down on the roof of the L.A. Cop Car. Marcus poured a bottle of water into his eyes and washed out the venom.

**Open the door, get on the floor.  
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.  
Open the door, get on the floor.  
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.  
Open the door, get on the floor.  
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.  
Open the door, get on the floor.  
Everybody, walk the dinosaur.**

Fuji raced down the dirt roads of the former theme park. Memphis followed in the Bestia.

Regis, on the other hand, handled the journey with expert skill. He managed to hold each turn without loosing speed. He was able to avoid hitting any dinosaur that jumped out at them. He also was able to close the gap with the Bestia and pass it.

**One night, I dreamed of New York.  
You and I roasting blue pork.  
In the Statue of Liberty's torch.**

A flock of pterodactyls attacked the racers. Fuji managed to scare them off with a flare gun.

The pterodactyls circled to stage another attack. They broke it off when the T-rex stomped through the area.

**Elvis landed in a rock-rock-rocket ship.  
Healed a couple of lepers and disappeared.  
But where was his beard?**

A triceratops charged the Alarde. Fuji swerved one way and Regis swerved another.

Memphis charged the dinosaur head on and cut away at the last second. The triceratops stumbled about and the T-rex had to work around it.

**A shadow from the sky, much too big to be a bird.  
A screaming, crashing noise, louder than I've ever heard.  
It looked like two big silver trees that somehow learned to soar.  
Suddenly, a summer breeze and a mighty lion's roar.**

The racers finally came to the bridge. The Alarde raced onto it quickly.

The L.A. Cop Car followed and passed it. The Bestia was right behind them.

**I killed the dinosaur.  
I killed the dinosaur.**

The T-rex stomped onto the bridge, but it stepped so hard, the bridge broke apart and it fell into the ocean.

The T-rex thrashed about and tried to get back to shore.

**Open the door, get on the floor.  
Everybody kill the dinosaur.  
Open the door, get on the floor.  
Everybody kill the dinosaur.  
Open the door, get on the floor.  
Everybody kill the dinosaur.  
Open the door, get on the floor.  
Everybody kill the dinosaur.**

-"Walk the Dinosaur" by Was (Not Was)

Dominic looked over his shoulder. "No wonder they're extinct." he said.

Marcus was also looking over his shoulder. He turned to Regis and said "Those were some incredible moves! Where'd you learn to drive like that?"

"What happened? I blacked out." replied Regis.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ethan was driving the Monstruo along the bridge.

"Not a lot of radio stations out here, huh?" asked Snake.

"No, doesn't look like it." said Ethan. "Let's see what's on the satellite radio."

"I think I'll check the race coverage." said Snake. He turned on the radio and managed to pick up the race coverage.

"After that, we believe the men managed to escape with the suitcase." said Danny over the radio. "We did some checking and discovered it was NOT the prize money as we had previously thought."

"Thank you, Danny." said Phil over the radio. "Once again, we have been the victims of a mysterious burglary. The burglars have stolen a gray suitcase with black straps. It was previously believed to contain the prize money for the race, but that has been disproven."

"Gray suitcase with black straps?" asked Ethan. "Isn't that the suitcase we put the explosives in?"

"I think it is." said Snake.

"Don't you think there's a chance they could set off the explosives by accident?" asked Ethan.

"Not really." said Snake. "They can't set that thing off without a class two detonator. Oh yeah. Or if they use a cel phone within a hundred yards."

XXXXXXXXXX

"I thank you for your help." said Tanner as he and his crew were parked at a scenic overlook. "We're going to go divvy up the take. We'll call you when we finish."

"Thanks." said Cam. "You have my number, I assume."

"Of course." said Tanner. "Until we meet again."

"Got it." said Cam. He walked away.

"Shouldn't we call DeMarco as well to tell him we got the prize?" asked Everett.

"Yeah, we should." said Tanner as he took out his cel phone. He looked at the screen and said "No signal."

He and Everett walked away from the Sentinel. A hundred yards later he said "Finally."

He dialled the number and hit the send button. Just as he did that, the Sentinel exploded in a massive fireball. Tanner and Everett looked back at the car in shock.

"Hello?" asked DeMarco over the phone. "Hello?"

Tanner put the phone to his ear and said in a very raspy voice "Hello, Dave."

"Who is this?" asked DeMarco.

"Is that Dave?" asked Tanner.

"No, there's no Dave here." said DeMarco.

"What?" asked Tanner. "Put Dave on."

"I just told you." said DeMarco. "There's no Dave here! I think you've got a wrong number."

"Okay." said Tanner. "Goodbye, Dave." He hung up.

In memory of

Bob Denver

Farewell, little buddy.


	8. El Invasion

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Chapter Eight:El Invasion

AN:Just wanted to point out that Mario's and Luigi's weapons come from "Super Mario Brothers 3", Link's come from "The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past" and Sonic's, Knuckles', and Tails' come from "Sonic Adventure 2".  
I also wanted to point out several teams will become victims of alien possession. (Think "The Faculty".) The teams I chose as victims were not meant to slight those teams or their creators or fans.  
I also wanted to point out I may have gotten the lyrics to "Just Cruisin'" wrong.

Tanner and Everett watched as the Miami police loaded the bombed out wreckage that had once been the Sentinel onto a flatbed truck.

Head crime scene investigator Horatio Caine walked over to where investigator Eric Delko had laid out the pieces of the suitcase. "So, this is what the bomb was in." he said as he put his hands on his hips.

"Looks that way, H." said Delko. "Really expensive model, too."

"High end car, high end suitcase." said Horatio. "Looks like someone is trying to send us a message."

"There goes our transportation." said Tanner.

"How are we supposed to get back to DeMarco?" asked Everett.

"We're gonna use the oldest form of transportation known to man." said Tanner. "We walk."

Tanner and Everett started walking. Tanner pulled out his phone and dialled.

"Hello?" asked Mitzi on the other end.

"Mitzi? It's Tanner. Just wanted to touch base with you. What are you up to?"

"We decided to outsource the attack on the Cannonballers this time." said Mitzi. "We've called in a friend of ours. By the way, how did the prize money heist go?"

"Uh, we'll get back to you on that." said Tanner. "So, tell me about this friend of yours."

"She made a visit to a town in the area of the United States you call Ohio." said Mitzi. "She tried to launch an attack to take over the planet, but failed due to the resistance of the students at the local high school. She has special tools to assist in this area."

"Great." said Tanner. "When does she go into action?"

"She already has." said Mitzi.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Panama, a gas station attendant sat in his office when the Fripon X pulled in. Malcolm jumped out of the car, ran over to the window, and started pounding on it. "Gimme the keys! I gotta go to the bathroom!" he yelled.

The attendant handed him the keys and he ran off to the restrooms.

"It's good to know that 'bathroom' is understood around the world." he said.

Francis gassed up the Fripon X while Reese walked off behind the station. He was looking around for something when a young, blonde woman walked up.

"Hi." she said in a southern American accent. "Aren't you one of those Cannonballers?"

"Yeah." said Reese. "Yeah, I am."

"I knew it." said the girl. "I've been following you on television. Marybeth Louise Hutchinson."

"My name's Reese..." said Reese before Marybeth put her hand over his mouth.

"That's a nice name." said Marybeth. "Reese, like the actress. I've got something I'd like to give you."

In the restroom, Malcolm was using the urinal and singing. "You're not the boss of me now! You're not the boss of me now! You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big!"

He finished his business and zipped up his pants. Suddenly, he felt like he was being watched. He looked towards the exit and saw nothing. He shrugged, flushed, and looked the other way. This time, he saw Reese looking at him ominously.

"Oh, you scared me." Malcolm gasped. "Of course, you always scare me."

Reese grabbed Malcolm by the back of the head and forced him face-first into the urinal next to the one he'd used. With Malcolm's face in the the urinal, Reese hit the flush handle. Malcolm fought for a few seconds before breaking free.

He wiped the urinal water from his face and yelled "Reese, what the hell was that for?"

"I've always wanted to do that." said Reese coldly.

"What are you talking about? You do that to me all the time!" yelled Malcolm. "Reese, what is wrong with you? You're acting violently, you're offering weak excuses, you've got an emotionless stare...OH MY GOD! YOU'RE A POD PERSON!"

Malcolm ran out of the restroom and over to Francis.

"Francis! Francis!" yelled Malcolm almost out of breath.

"What's going on?" asked Francis.

"You have to help me." said Malcolm. "Reese has become some kind of alien zombie or something."

"Don't worry." said Francis. "Everything's going to be fine."

"You think?" asked Malcolm.

"Of course." said Francis. He then grabbed Malcolm behind the head and rammed him head-first into the Fripon X's c-pillar, knocking him out.

Reese walked out of the restroom and found one of his brothers lying on the ground unconcious and the other standing over him.

"I've always wanted to do that." said Francis.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Guys, this constant car loss is really getting to me." said DeMarco.

"Sorry, chief." said Korpi. "If it helps, we've found a way to reduce our automotive dependance."

"What Korpi is saying is that we managed to procure another vehicle to use." said Darden. "And this one is going to last."

"You think so?" asked DeMarco.

"Sure." said Korpi. "Check it out."

He used the camera on his phone to take a picture of a large flatbed truck.

"We decided we had better plans to make than to come up with a name," said Darden "so we just called it the Flatbed."

"We're using it as a weapons platform for the EDB." said Paul.

"Good idea." said DeMarco. "You have your other vehicles. Pass them out as you see fit."

DeMarco ended his call.

"Okay, Darden and I get the Savanna." said Korpi, pointing to a red '64 Impala with orange pinstripes.

"Joe and Max, you get the Tornado." said Darden as he pointed to a black '58 Impala with orange flames.

"And Johnny and Lance, you get the Stratum." said Korpi as he pointed to a Honda Accord Wagon street racer. The paint job faded from black to red as it went back with red arrows along the sides.

"Okay, let's move." said Darden.

XXXXXXXXXX

The race officials set up at the finish line. They were set up in a decent-sized building next to a canyon. This canyon was so large and prominent, it had its own name: The Grand Canyon.

The Counting Crows' Adam Duritz leaned on a railing on the edge of the canyon and sang "And it's one more day up in the canyon."

"That's a nice view." said Kevin Griffin.

"Yeah, I gotta come back here someday." said Beck.

In the Visitor's Lodge, Big Schwag and Frankie Whiteside were getting ready to report. That's when the cameras went live.

"We've been here only ten hours and already we're going to make a report." said Schwag. "I wonder if we're going to cover Nash's wreck. Oh wait, we're on? Okay. Hello, Cannonball fans. Big Schwag here. Welcome to the finish line for the race, the Grand Canyon. With me right now is my faithful companion, Frankie Whiteside."

"Thanks, Schwag." said Frankie. "We've heard that many of the racers have entered South America right now. They are now officially halfway through the race. At this moment, we have an in-car interview with one team. Let's have that now."

The big screen television next to them came on, showing a teenage boy with braces looking into the camera as the "Star Wars" theme played in the background. The kid then jumped away from the camera with a broom handle and acted out a lightsaber duel.

"Uh, we seem to be experiencing technical difficulties." said Schwag. "In the meantime, we have a little music for you. Right, Frankie?"

"Absolutely, Schwag." said Frankie as he stared at the video. "This kid's got moves."

Brad Turner took to the stage with Blues Traveler.

"Okay, I'd like to dedicate this performance to my friends who are in the race." said Brad. "Good luck, Matt, Bruce, and Gloria."

"Enough talk! Let's jam!" said John Popper.

Brendan Hill launched into a drum roll. Chan and Tad got on their guitars. Shortly afterward, Brad started to sing.

**I'm wearin'  
fur pajamas.  
I ride a****hot potata.  
It's tickling my fancy.  
Speak up. I can't hear you.**

**Here on this mountaintop.  
Awaho.  
I got some wild, wild life.**

**I got some new to tell you.  
Wahoh.  
About some wild, wild life.**

**Here comes the doctor in charge.  
Awaho.  
She's got some wild, wild life.**

**Ain't that the way you like it?  
Ho, oh!  
Living wild, wild life.**

John took over vocals.

**I wrestle,  
with your conscience.  
You wrestle,  
with your partner.  
Sitting on a window sill,  
he spends time behind closed doors.**

**Check out Mr. Businessman.  
Awaho.  
He bought some wild, wild life.**

**On the way to the stock exchange.  
Awaho.  
He got some wild, wild life.**

**Break it up when he opens the door.  
Awaho.  
He's doin' wild, wild life.**

**I know that's the way you like it.  
Whoa oh!  
Living wild, wild life.**

**Peace of mind?  
It's a piece of cake.  
Thought control?  
You get on board anytime you like.**

The guys played through the bridge, then Brad returned to vocals.

**Like sitting on pins and needles.  
Things fall apart.  
It's scientific.**

**Sleeping on the interstate.  
Awaho.  
Getting wild, wild life.**

**Checkin' in, checkin' out.  
Awaho.  
I got a wild, wild life.**

**Spending all of my money and time.  
Awaho.  
Done too much wild, wild life.**

**We wanna go, where we go, where we go.  
Awaho.  
I doing wild, wild life.**

**I know it, that's how we start.  
Awaho.  
Got some wild, wild life.**

**Take a picture, here in the daylight.  
Wa ho.  
And it's a wild, wild life.**

**You've grown so tall, you've grown so fast.  
Awaho.  
Wild, wild life.**

**I know that's the way you like it.  
Oh oh!  
Living wild, wild, wild, wild life.**

-"Wild Wild Life" by the Talking Heads

"Thanks, guys." said Frankie. "We've got more coming up."

"Once we return, we'll have that interview...I hope." said Schwag.

XXXXXXXXXX

A foghorn sounded as the taxi dropped off Chloe at the Special Investigations Unit headquarters. "Thanks." she said as she paid the driver.

She entered the floating headquarters and found several uniformed and plainclothes officers milling about. She looked around for a familiar face.

"First it was a barge, then a cannery, then a disco." said a man wearing a plaid shirt, brown vest, red beret, and black armband with the Grateful Dead logo on it. "Right now, it serves as the headquarters of the Special Investigations Unit. Harvey Leek, SFPD. You must be Chloe."

"I'm sorry Inspector Bridges didn't complete the race." said Chloe as she shook his hand.

"Oh, this is my partner, Antwon Babcock." said Harvey as he motioned to a large black man.

"Welcome to the SIU." said Antwon. "We've set up your station at my desk. Your mechanic friends are already there."

"Thanks." said Chloe.

Antwon led her to his desk. Dex, Jesse, and Wildcat were already there.

Wildcat was working on maintenance logs. "'Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 foot per minute descent.'" he read. He started writing. "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

"Well, I see you guys got in nicely." said Chloe.

"I guess." said Jesse. "Hey, did we have to set up here? I'm kinda nervous being around all these cops."

"Hey, we got bigger fish to fry at the moment." said Antwon. "We could care less about your street racing history right now."

"Any word on when Nash and his team will be showing up?" asked Dex.

"They should be here any minute now." said Chloe.

Just then, Nash, Joe, and Monk walked in the doorway.

"I still don't see the point of smashing the last light on the car!" yelled Joe.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" yelled Monk. "Because NOW, they're EVEN!"

"You know, this stupid obsessive-compulsive disorder of yours is really getting on my nerves!" yelled Joe. "If we are to work together in the future, you should really get that taken care of!"

"I've tried!" yelled Monk. "I've discovered that if I try to take care of it, I lose my edge. As for working with you in the future, I DON'T CARE! I found you to be very closed-minded about my OCD and I wash my hands of this entire incident!"

"Yeah, repeatedly from the looks of it!" yelled Joe.

"Hey!" yelled Nash. "The next guy who opens his mouth is going over that railing!"

Joe and Monk shut up immediately. Nash walked over to Antwon's desk.

"Hey, Nashman." said Antwon. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, 'twon." said Nash. "Luckily, I was wearingmy seat belt."

"What's with Joe and Mr. Monk?" asked Harvey.

"They were at that all the way from Johnston Island." said Nash. "So, Chloe. Are you set up yet?"

"All set up." said Chloe. "I just hope we're not going to be needed just yet."

"Our enemies won't sleep that easily." said Nash.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Jersey XS raced into Colombia and switched off the Hyperthruster.

"Checking the clock, I'd say we're about where we'd be if we hadn't taken Fowl's offer." said Sydney.

"That's good, because the Hyperthruster is almost burned out." said Perfect Tommy while driving.

Just then, the phone rang to the tune of Buckaroo's team march. "I got it." said Buckaroo as he answered. "Banzai."

"Hello! Buckaroo Banzai?" said a voice with a Jamaican accent.

"John Parker, you old so-and-so." said Buckaroo. "How are you doing?"

"I wish I could say this was a social call, but I'm afraid there is a big problem." said John Parker. "Another enemy of ours has been called to Earth to meddle with the Cannonball Run."

"Well, as luck would have it, we are taking part in the Cannonball Run right now." said Buckaroo.

"Yes, I know." said John Parker. "I am watching the race right now. I still can't believe that bridge collapse."

"So, what's the deal with this enemy?" asked Buckaroo.

"Her race attempted to take over Planet 10, but failed." said John Parker. "She also attempted to take over your planet and failed as well. Now, she has returned by personal request of old aquaintances and your planet is once again in danger. And this time, she is targeting Cannonballers."

"Thanks for the warning." said Buckaroo. "When can we expect you?"

"I'm sorry, but I am not close enough to render direct assistance." said John Parker. "I'm afraid all I can do is this."

"What's that?" asked Buckaroo. A second later, a bolt of electricity shot from the phone's earpiece to his ear.

"Whoa!" said Perfect Tommy.

"Buckaroo?" asked Sydney. "You alright?"

"Yeah." said a rather dazed Buckaroo. "Fine."

XXXXXXXXXX

The L.A. Cop Car pulled into a gas station in Colombia.

"How's your vision?" asked Regis as he climbed out.

"Back to normal." said Marcus. "I'll take over now. You fill the tank."

"Got it." said Regis.

Marcus went into the gas station while Regis inserted a gas pump's nozzle in the Cop Car's fuel hatch. After selecting his fuel grade, Regis started pumping. While this was going on, Regis looked down the road and came face-to-face with a mysterious man and yelped.

The man was dressed all in black: black military fatigues, black combat boots, black full-face mask with black goggles, black gloves, and two black sheaths on his back that held katanas.

The man took out a picture of the EDB and showed it to Regis. "Why are you showing me a picture of this thing?" asked Regis. "Wait, that's the thing they used to knock out our car."

After hearing that, the man in black ran to the road as a tractor-trailer drove by. He jumped onto the side of the truck and sped away.

Marcus walked out of the gas station and over to Regis. "Who the hell was that?" he asked.

"I dunno." said Regis. "Darth Vader's twin?"

"You're overfilling the tank." said Marcus.

Regis grunted and stopped filling the overfilling tank.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Hello, Cannonball fans." said Big Schwag. "We're back and we have some more coverage for you."

"And this time, we've got that in-car interview we promised." said Frankie. "Coming to us from somewhere in Colombia, here are Jesse Richmond and Chester Greenburg."

The big screen television switched on again. However, nothing at all was seen on it.

"What's going on?" asked Brock.

"I checked with the techinicians." said Mr. X. "There's nothing wrong with the connection. They're just not answering."

"Well, why the hell not?" asked Brock.

"They have their reasons." said Mr. X. "Something tells me we should try to find out."

"Okay, we'll investigate." said Brock. "Is the Mystery, Inc. team anywhere in the area?"

"Yes, they are." said Mr. X.

"Good, call them." said Brock.

"Doing it." said Mr. X.

"Okay." said Schwag as he listened to Brock's message. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to try to find the missing Jesse and Chester with the help of one of the teams."

"Basicly, here's what they're going to do." said Frankie.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky, Wario and his team watched the coverage.

Onscreen, Frankie explained. "The race officials are going to try to find the missing team's car using GPS technology. They will then send a group of detectives to the location to try to determine what happened."

"Ha, those losers are good as out." said Wario.

"Uh, Wario." said Waluigi. "What if they start to wonder where we are and launch a similar search?"

"Relax." said Wario. "We've got the GPS programmed so that when they try to find us, they'll pick up another racer's signal."

"Right now, we have an interview with an expert in the field of investigation." said Schwag. "Unfortunately, he's also the first participant in the Cannonball Run Worldwide to not finish the race. Please welcome San Francisco police inspector Nash Bridges."

"Uh oh." said Wario.

"What's wrong?" asked Waluigi.

"That's the racer whose GPS signal we were diverting to." said Wario. "I have to reprogram the thing to pick up someone else's signal." He got up and ran outside. "Bowser, we have work to do."

"But I just put cookies in the oven!" yelled Bowser.

Wario did his charge attack on Bowser and knocked him onto the floor.

"Ow!" yelled Bowser. "Okay, I'm coming!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"There's the Stadt." said Freddie as the ice cream truck drove to the area where the Stadt's GPS locator indicated.

"The Fripon X is here as well." said Daphne.

The truck parked and the team got out.

"Jinkies, the cars are empty." said Velma.

"Like, where could they be?" asked Shaggy.

"Looks like they got out of the car and headed off into the woods." said Freddie.

"Wait, who's there?" asked Daphne.

"Just relax." said Hsu Tanaka. Chan and Sushi X were with him. "We're only here to observe."

"Observe what?" asked Velma.

"We're doing research for our game." said Chan.

"This is kind of interesting." said Sushi X. "For once, I'm getting to see a game in development instead of not seeing the work until it is finished."

"Okay, just stay out of our way." said Freddie.

"Hey, guys!" said Shaggy. "Scoob's found something!"

"Ruh huh!" said Scooby. "Round a rent!"

"Round a what?" asked Hsu.

"He's found a scent." said Velma. "Good work, Scooby."

"Ro roblem." said Scooby.

Within minutes, Scooby was tracking Jesse's and Chester's scent. Both the Mystery, Inc. and EGM teams were following.

"Are we getting closer?" asked Chan.

"Definitely." said Daphne. "I just hope we find them soon. There's a river up ahead. We'll lose the scent there."

Shouting was heard up ahead.

"I think that's them." said Sushi X.

The two teams ran towards the shouting. Before they got there, the shouting suddenly stopped.

"Hey, what happened to the shouting?" asked Shaggy.

"Rere rey are!" said Scooby.

Jesse, Chester, Malcolm, and his brothers were at the river.

"Oh, hello." said Jesse.

"Nice of you to join us." said Malcolm.

"What's going on here?" asked Freddie. "We heard shouting."

"Oh, that was me." said Chester. "I thought I saw a lion."

"There aren't any lions in South America." said Hsu.

"I said 'I THOUGHT'." said Chester.

"Why didn't you answer the video phone when the race officials called?" asked Daphne.

"We were out taking a leak." said Jesse. "That's all."

"Are you guys okay?" asked Velma.

"As far as I can tell, they are." said Marybeth as she stepped out of the shadows.

"Who are you?" asked Chan.

"Someone these brothers picked up." said Marybeth. "I thought it would be fun to be in the Cannonball for a while."

"Something's not right here." said Freddie.

"Ruh uh." said Scooby.

"Come." said Marybeth. "Let me explain my situation to you in private."

"It's a setup!" said Hsu.

"How do you know?" asked Shaggy.

"Because we used this same plot point in one of our games." said Chan.

"Not one of their better efforts." said Sushi X. "'Spy Hunter 2' was actually more playable."

"Get them." said Marybeth.

Malcolm and his brothers approached the Tanaka Brothers, Sushi X, and Mystery Inc. members. Shaggy and Scooby Doo took a defensive position. In other words, Scooby had jumped into Shaggy's arms.

"Prepare to fight!" said Daphne as she took a defensive position herself.

Sushi X reached into the back of his belt and pulled out a three-pronged dart. He then tossed it and hit Francis in the face. Sushi X then grabbed the line the dart was connected to and swung the dart towards Malcolm.

"I didn't know he was carrying that dart." said Hsu.

"Wait, that's not a dart." said Chan. "It's a Nintendo 64 controller."

"Oh, he should have used an XBox controller." said Hsu. "Those things pack a wallop."

"Don't remind me!" said Chan.

After Malcolm was knocked down, Reese approached Sushi X. Sushi X started waving his hands in front of Reese's face and eventually dazed him, then punched him in the face. Sushi then turned to his teammates.

"Finish him!" said Hsu and Chan.

Sushi X grabbed Reese's pockets and yanked his pants down. "Now, let's get out of here." he said.

"Zoinks! Let's listen to him!" said Shaggy.

On the road, the Torrida drove up to the parked cars. The other two teams came running out of the forest.

"This must be the place." said Buffy.

"What's going on?" asked Willow.

"Get back in the car and run for your lives!" yelled Hsu.

"An alien creature is using parasites to control the Cannonballers' minds!" yelled Chan. "Very unoriginal! Boo!"

While the Mystery Inc. and EGM teams returned to their cars and drove off, Buffy and her friends went to see what the deal was. They found Marybeth and the two teams.

"Well, looks like someone has guts." said Marybeth.

"YOU'RE the latest those idiots called in?" asked Buffy.

"You must be that Buffy girl they talked about." said Marybeth. "My name is Marybeth Louise Hutchinson."

"Your name is Marybeth?" asked Buffy. "Oh, that's a name that's gonna strike fear in the hearts of your enemies."

"You should be one to talk, Buffy!" said Marybeth. "If what I hear is true, I could use someone like you on our team."

"You know, I'd like to help you take over the world," said Buffy "but I'm washing my hair."

"Who said 'no' was an option?" asked Marybeth. She turned her arm into a tentacle and threw a worm-thing at Buffy. Buffy caught it in mid-air.

"This is your weapon?" said Buffy. "Bait? OW!" The worm-thing bit her and she dropped it.

"Aw, did my baby bite you?" asked Marybeth.

"Your baby?" asked Buffy. "I think you need a book on child rearing."

Marybeth threw another worm at Buffy. This one missed by a mile.

"That wasn't even close." said Buffy.

"Was it?" asked Marybeth.

Buffy turned around worried. She saw Xander trying to keep the worm-thing from crawling into his ear.

"Come on!" said Xander as he tried to grab the worm-thing. "Garden slug out of the ear!" Unfortunately, he failed. He doubled over in pain, then looked up with a villainous look on his face.

"Xander." gasped Buffy. She didn't notice Marybeth sneaking up behind her until she was grabbed.

"Like I said." said Marybeth as she produced another worm-thing. "I'm not taking 'no' as an option."

She dropped the parasite into Buffy's ear and let it go to work. She then noticed Willow watching in absolute shock.

"Get her." said Marybeth.

Willow ran for it with Malcolm, Reese, and Francis right behind her.

Marybeth walked back to the cars with Jesse and Chester. They found that the cars had been joined by the Modo Prego and Lusso XT with the Jersey XS coming in right behind them.

"How are you guys doing?" asked J.

"Much better, thank you." said Louis. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Something was setting off something in the car." said Mulder. "I asked what it was and they threatened to neuralize me. What about you?"

"PKE Meter went berserk." said Winston. "It started giving us readings we'd never seen before."

"We're trying to see what it was." said Peter.

The Jersey XS came to a stop. Perfect Tommy and Sydney climbed out. Buckaroo was next, but he was looking a little wired.

"Hey, need a hand?" asked Peter. He took Buckaroo's arm and received a nasty shock. "OW! AH! Oh, God! That smarts! OH! AH!" he screamed as he hopped around. Finally, he put his hand into his mouth.

"Peter, are you okay?" asked Winston.

"Break the nitrous line again!" yelled Peter.

Mulder walked over to help. K went over Buckaroo with a scanner.

"Mulder, don't touch him." said K. "He's been hit with a Lectroid Ionizer."

"What does that mean?" asked Mulder.

"I really have no idea what it means." said K.

Marybeth walked over with Jesse and Chester.

"Well, who do we have here?" asked Marybeth.

"Hey, guys." said Louis. "Who's your friend?"

"This is Marybeth." said Jesse. "She's going to be travelling with us for a while. Cool, huh?"

"K, the scanner is giving us an alert." said J.

"I can see that." said K. "There's more to this girl than meets the eye."

"So, uh, where you from?" asked J.

"Georgia." said Marybeth.

"Peter, the PKE Meter is giving us those readings again." said Winston.

"Yeah, and they get stronger when pointed at her." said Peter.

"I think there's something odd about this girl." said Perfect Tommy. "What do you think, Buckaroo?"

"Stay away from that woman." said Buckaroo while staring intensely.

"Why? What's wrong?" asked Sydney.

"Don't you see?" asked Buckaroo.

"See what?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"There!" yelled Buckaroo as he pointed at Marybeth. "EVIL, PURE AND SIMPLE, FROM ANOTHER PLANET!"

While everyone else saw Marybeth as a young woman with blonde hair and a nice body, Buckaroo saw her as she really was: a hideous amphibious alien creature with dozens of tentacles.

"Run." said Chester.

"I thought taking over that biker was a problem." said Marybeth.

Jesse and Chester ran for the Stadt. Marybeth produced another parasite and threw it at Buckaroo. The parasite connected, but was shocked and repelled by the ionization. Now, Marybeth ran to the Stadt and joined Jesse and Chester. They drove off a second later.

J looked at the dead parasite on the Lusso XT's windshield. "Whoa." he said. "Now, I've had some nasty bugs on my windshield before, but this one, whoa!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Malcolm and his brothers continued to chase Willow into some ruins. She tripped and slowed down to catch herself.

"Time to stop running." said Malcolm.

"Relax, it won't hurt much." said Reese.

Willow raised her hands towards them and called "Knup ykcul leef uoy od!" The resulting sonic burst sent them flying.

She ran into the ruins and started looking for a place to hide and rest. She ended up leaning against a rock wall. She sat there for a few seconds, catching her breath, then looked up to find Buffy looking at her.

"You've caused us a lot of trouble, Willow." said Buffy calmly, but emotionlessly.

"Join us." said Xander as he walked over. "There's no pain. No fear. No sadness."

"What about the opposite?" asked Willow.

"You won't miss it." said Buffy as she approached Willow.

"You can't go on like this forever." said Xander as he and Buffy cornered Willow against the wall.

Willow looked at her two friends approaching her. A couple of pebbles fell onto her shoulder. She looked up at where they came from to see the man in black standing on top of the wall. He reached down to her. She reached up and he pulled her to the top of the wall.

Buffy and Xander climbed the wall to follow them, but when they got up there, both Willow and the man in black had vanished.

"Looks like this will continue later." said Buffy.

XXXXXXXXXX

In San Francisco, Nash and Chloe were watching Chloe's monitor. Buckaroo, Peter, and J were seen on it, but the picture was barely holding together.

"Inspector Bridges, can you read us?" asked Peter.

"I can, but I'm getting a lot of static." said Nash.

"That's probably me." said Buckaroo. "I've been ionized, but...but I'm okay now."

"What the hell is going on?" asked Nash.

"Well, you see," said Peter "there's this alien. She looks like a young human female, but she's not. She has these little parasitic creatures that can take control of a human host."

"Let me continue." said J. "This chick tried to take over the world a few years ago, starting with the small town of Herrington, Ohio. She took over a good portion of the town's populance before she was defeated."

"Whoa, she was defeated?" asked Nash. "How was she defeated?"

"One of the local high school students, Zeke Tyler, turned out to be the maker and distributor of a designer drug called 'Skat'." said J. "Another student, Casey Connor, hit the alien with this 'Skat' and ended up killing the alien."

"Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!" said Chloe. "If this Casey Connor killed the alien, how is it here now?"

"Someone, we don't know who," said J "recovered the alien's dehydrated remains and re-hydrated them."

"Instant enemy, just add water." said Buckaroo.

"Chloe, do a search for Zeke Tyler." said Nash. "How did this affect the hosts of the parasites?"

"They all were freed from the alien's control." said J. "The parasites apparently died when the 'queen bee' did."

"From the looks of things, this queen bee has to start over from scratch." said Peter. "Oh, before I forget. This alien puts out a signal that shows up on our PKE Meter. Therefore, we might be able to track it."

"I theorize this is the signal it uses to control the hosts of the parasites." said Buckaroo.

"One last thing." said J. "These hosts become extremely dependant on water when they get taken over. They were getting refreshment in a river when we found them."

"That just might help us find them." said Nash. "Good luck, you guys."

"Thanks, Nashman." said Peter. "We've decided to mix up the teams a little to come up with a plan better."

The monitor shut off.

"Any luck?" asked Nash.

"I found Zeke Tyler." said Chloe. "After college, he moved back to Herrington and lives at home. His address is..."

She was cut off when strobe lights started flashing, smoke started to pour from the walls, and "Disco Inferno" started playing over the P.A. system.

Antwon covered his eyes. Harvey started looking around amused.

Dex and Wildcat looked around in confusion while Jesse did a disco dance.

Many of the police officers started dancing as well. Monk glanced around at them nervously, then started dancing himself, only slower.

A minute after it started, it stopped just as suddenly.

"'Twon, it's over." said Harvey. "You can open your eyes now."

"So, you were saying?" asked Nash.

"What the hell was that?" asked Chloe.

"Oh, I can explain that." said Harvey. "Remember I said this used to be a nightclub? Well apparently, there's still a song or two left in the sound system. This 'phantom disco' comes on occasionally. We're still trying to figure out why."

"Oh." said Chloe. "And what's the deal with Antwon?"

"Antwon's an epileptic." said Harvey. "If he sees flashing lights, it could set off a seizure."

"Oh, I get it." said Chloe.

"Okay, I got the address." said Nash as he looked at Chloe's screen. "Come on, Joe. We got work to do."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in eastern Colombia, Cary Ford sat upon the Monsoni while filling the gas tank. That's when Jaleel the Kid rode up to him.

"Hey, Ford." said Kid. "I missed you while crossing the ocean."

"Oh yeah?" asked Cary. "What did you try to throw at me?"

"Funny." said Kid.

"So, what do you say?" asked Cary. "Last one to Tierra Del Fuego buys dinner for the victor?"

"If you think you need to display your skills that way." said Kid. "It's simple really. Humans seek to prove themselves in various fields through contest. Yours and mine is motorcycle racing."

"Man, when'd you get all philosophical on us?" asked Cary.

"Do you want to race or not?" asked Kid.

"Okay." said Cary.

The two started their motorcycles. They raced off a second later. Cary couldn't help but take a few glances at Kid. Something was not right with him. While Kid wasn't looking, Cary turned away and took off across a field.

"Not nice." said Kid as he turned to follow him.

Cary steered the Monsoni towards a railway with a passenger train on it. "What is going on here?" he asked himself.

He started to ride alongside the train for a few seconds, then hit a rock outcropping. He jumped the Monsoni onto the back of the train, corrected his landing, then rode towards the front.

Kid tried to follow him off the rock, but ended up crashing through the back of the rearmost car. While Cary rode down the back, Kid rode through the train.

Cary then noticed a tunnel up ahead and realized he would not make it onto the ground before reaching the tunnel. He then jumped the Monsoni off the train and landed on the hillside.

Kid rode through the train and finally came out of the front. He then realized Cary had not gone that way and brought the Cohete to a stop.

"I gotta report this." said Cary.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Alien invasion?" asked Schwag. "You gotta be kidding me."

"I kinda wish they were." said Frankie. "Although I do have to admit this is sort of cool."

"It's always better to watch the invasion than to be right in the middle of it." said Phil.

"Yeah, he's right." said David. "I absolutely enjoyed this little takeover...back when it was called 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers'."

"So, what are we doing until we can stop this invasion?" asked Nessa.

"I'll tell you." said Brock. "I've got a statement to read which will detail our plans to handle the invasion for the time being."

"Go ahead." said Schwag.

"Cannonballers, give me your attention." said Brock. "News has been delivered to me that a race of aliens is attempting to conquer the planet. For some reason, they are starting with the Cannonballers by taking over their minds and bodies. For the time being, I want you to quickly determine who's taken over and who isn't and travel in packs for protection. Also, we've received word that several South American countries have been informed of the situation and are restricting foreign travel in an effort to stem the tide. As a result, you may be forced to remain in the continent until the crisis is averted. In the meantime, be careful and watch yourselves."

"Good speech." said Mr. X.

"Thanks." said Brock.

"Unfortunately, no one's gonna buy a word of that." said Mr. X.

"Thanks." said Brock sarcasticly.

"Brock, may I make a suggestion?" asked Frankie.

"Go ahead." said Brock.

"Frankie and I were talking." said Schwag. "This situation has come up in who knows how many bad sci-fi movies."

"And?" asked Brock.

"Who watches more bad sci-fi movies than anyone?" asked Frankie.

"I'll get them on the horn." said Brock.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Emu, which had just crossed into Peru...

"Battery seems to be showing no ill effects." said Mike.

"Good, 'cause Gilligan and his fellow castaways won't be able to help us if it conks out again." said Tom.

"What if they get off the island?" asked Gypsy.

"Gypsy, let me explain something to you." said Crow.

Suddenly, lights on the dashboard started to flash wildly.

"AH! We've got movie sign!" yelled Tom.

"No, it's the race officials." said Mike. He hit the switch.

A small viewscreen flipped up displaying Brock.

"Mr. Nelson, we need your help." he said.

"Dah, okay." said Mike.

"Here's the situation." said Brock. "There's an alien being who's trying to take over the minds and bodies of the Cannonballers. Frankie points out that you guys have probably seen this in a million movies."

"Um...yeah, that's about right." said Crow.

"Okay, say no more." said Mike. "Odds are good that your main target should be the head alien. Once you defeat him, his minions should return to normal."

"Thank you." said Brock. "Now, can you give me some advice we don't already know? We got all that when they were talking about how the alien was defeated the first time."

"Wait, the alien's already been defeated and is making a return?" asked Mike.

"Yeah, what the hell?" asked Gypsy.

"Well, it's complicated." said Brock. "According to the others, the alien's remains were recovered and mixed with water to revive her."

"Well, I can see how...huh?" said Tom.

"Look, Mr. Yates." said Mike. "When we're watching these movies, we're usually not taking notes on how to survive and stop an alien invasion. Usually, we're thinking about how to just get through the showing of the film."

"I'm usually thinking of pants." said Tom.

"I'm thinking of toast." said Crow.

"I'm thinking of Richard Baseheart." said Gypsy.

"Sorry, we can't help you." said Mike. "Thanks for the warning."

"Well, that was a wash." said Brock.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, two army tanks were parked in a clearing. Three military men were working around them.

"Not too much longer and I can serve my latest creation: C-ration casserole." said one, a very muscular black man cooking in a pot.

"I think I'll pass." said another, a muscular man with a Marine Corps tattoo on his chest and a Cajun accent. "I'm saving up for some nice homemade gumbo."

"You guys can eat later." said the third, another black man of well build and average height. He was wearing a beret. "For now, we've got a weapon to recover."

They heard a rustling in the trees and grabbed their weapons. A second later, Willow and the man in black came out.

"Whoa, look what Snakes brought in." said thechef.

"At ease." said the man with the beret. "Welcome, civilian. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I guess." said Willow. "Who are you guys?"

"Forgive my manners." said the man with the beret. "We're members of an elite U.S. military anti-terrorist group, code name: G.I. Joe. I'm Sergeant Lonzo Wilkinson, code name: Stalker." He pointed to the guy with the Marine Corps tattoo on his chest. "This is U.S. Marine Corps Sergeant Ettienne LaFitte, code name: Gung Ho." He then pointed to the chef and said "This is Sergeant Marvin Hinton, code name: Roadblock." He then pointed to the man in black and said "And you know Snake Eyes."

"Welcome to our camp, mon cha." said Gung Ho.

"Do you realize the toughest man in the Corps just called you 'my dear'?" laughed Roadblock.

"What are you doing here?" asked Willow.

"Almost a week ago, an experimental weapon was stolen in the Pacific Northwest." said Stalker. "It was called the Electronic Disruption Beam. It's designed to completely disrupt the electricity in a car battery and bring the vehicle to a halt. The transport truck that was carrying it was found destroyed and empty after being stolen earlier. Luckily, the GPS locator installed in it still works. Unluckily, it's refusing to give us a straight answer. We know it's in the area, we just don't know where."

"What does this thing look like?" asked Willow.

"Snake Eyes, you still have that picture?" asked Stalker.

Snake Eyes took out the picture and showed it to Willow.

"That's it!" she said. "That's what those guys used to disable our car in Australia!"

"You're sure about that?" asked Stalker.

"I'm positive." she said.

"Thanks." said Stalker. "I'm going to report this to Hawk. The rest of you guys, prepare to move out. Gung Ho and Roadblock, you've got the Neutralizer. Snake Eyes, you're joining me in the Quickstrike."

"Wait, there's something else." said Willow.

"What's that?" asked Stalker.

"There's an alien invasion going on." said Willow. "They're using parasitic creatures to control people's minds. They've already taken over two of my friends. There could be more."

"Oh boy, this could be worse than anything Cobra's thrown at us." said Roadblock.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Herrington, Ohio, a taxi delivered Nash and Joe to a house.

"Thanks for the lift, bubba." said Nash.

"Hey, you just give those aliens one on behalf of the entire town!" said the cabbie.

"Alright." said Joe as he and Nash got out of the taxi. "So, this is where Zeke Tyler lives."

"Yeah, if anyone can help us take care of those aliens, it's him." said Nash.

Nash and Joe walked towards the house.

"Hey, Nash." said Joe. "You think these aliens are those Sarabithians that Betty Ann McCurry was talking about?"

"The less we talk about that, the better." said Nash as he reached the door.

Nash knocked on the door while Joe looked at a car under a tarp.

"What do you think is under the tarp?" asked Joe.

"I dunno." said Nash. "Maybe we'll ask him."

A young, thin man with black hair came to the door. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Zeke Tyler?" asked Nash. "You know anything about an alien invasion?"

"Ah shit, not again." groaned Zeke.

"Come on, we have to go to San Francisco." said Joe.

"Why should I?" asked Zeke.

"Because if those aliens take over the Cannonballers, we're gonna give them your address, bubba." said Nash.

"Alright, I'll come." said Zeke.

"We've got a taxi waiting." said Nash.

Zeke walked to the taxi. Joe looked at the car under the tarp again.

"Wanna take a look?" asked Nash.

"Can I?" asked Joe.

"Go ahead." said Nash.

Joe lifted the tarp and looked at the car underneath. "Whoa, is that what I think it is?" he said.

"That looks like a big ol' bargaining chip." said Nash.

"We're taking this back to San Fran, aren't we?" asked Joe.

"That's what I like about you, Joe." said Nash. "You always know what I'm planning."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Crown Mail was parked somewhere in Brazil.

"Why are we here again?" asked Butler.

"Since the enemy is turning the other racers into mind-controlled zombies," said Artemis "we are going to create our own. We are going to do so with an incantation taught to me by Holly Short."

"We're going to turn the other racers into zombies, too?" asked J.D.

"Forgive me for my phrasing." said Artemis. "I meant we're going to create literal zombies by raising the dead."

"Oh." said J.D. "I hope none of my former patients are among them."

"I never really associated zombies with the Irish before." thought J.D. "Well, except for that Cranberries song."

Artemis began the incantation. The sky began to darken. Then, the ground started to shift. Two hands reached out of the ground, scaring Butler and J.D.

"Why do I get the feeling we should not be doing this?" asked J.D.

The hands then pulled the rest of the zombie out of the ground. J.D. and Butler stared at it in shock.

"I'm surprised that worked actually." said Artemis. "Well, bring him with us. We could use his help."

Butler picked up the zombie and carried him to the Crown Mail. "I thought we'd create more than one." he said.

"We did." said Artemis. "He was just the only one created here. More corpses are being revived within a fifty mile radius."

XXXXXXXXXX

In a town forty-nine miles away...

"First, I get high, then we get kidnapped!" said Richard as he drove. "This race is driving me nuts."

"Richard, I think you should try to relax." said Larry. "Listen to a calming song on the radio. If you let the stress get to you, it could come out at a very bad time." He went to turn on the radio and yelled "Where the hell is the radio?"

"Maybe I should pull over so we can unwind for ten minutes." said Richard.

"Good idea." said Larry.

Richard pulled the Ascent into a parking lot. He and Larry got out a second later.

"I could go for a soda about now." said Larry. "How about you?"

"I suppose I could eat something." said Richard. "Should we get Bernie something?"

"Nah." said Larry. "What's he gonna do? Steal the car?"

While they were walking away, Bernie started to stir, then sat up. He then dragged himself into the front seat, started the car, and drove it onto the street. Richard and Larry came back about then.

"Not open yet?" asked Richard. "What are we going to do for another hour?"

"We'll just wait in the..." said Larry. "Richard, where's our car?"

It was driving down the street with Bernie behind the wheel. However, Bernie's driving skills had deteriorated greatly since his death. He had some trouble keeping the car going more than ten miles per hour...or in a straight line.

"(So, I hear the Cannonball is supposed to coming through Brazil.)" said a local man in a phone booth in Portuguese. "(I'm wondering if we're going to see one and HOLY CRAP!)" he added just before he bolted from the booth. Bernie mowed it down a second later.

Bernie then drove through a sidewalk cafe which was also not open yet and then plowed through a bus stop. The people on the bench were not injured due to the car's low speed. The car finally crashed through the window of a bakery and came to a rest.

XXXXXXXXXX

Lara and her team were racing against Team Rocket through the Brazilian rainforest.

"Come on, it's just a Focus!" said Joanna. "We should be able to leave him in the dust."

"Come on, it's Lara and her team." said Jessie. "We can't come in behind them again."

"We've spotted two targets." said Paul over the radio. "One appears to be Lara Croft's team and the other...oh, God."

"What's wrong?" asked Joe over the radio.

"It's Team Rocket." said Paul.

Joe groaned. "Go after them anyway." he said.

The Flatbed pulled out and chased the Zender Alpha. The Tornado followed right behind them.

"Which should I shoot?" asked Paul.

"Shoot the Vector." said Feliz. "We can catch the Focus."

"Good point." said Paul.

He took aim at the Zender Alpha with the EDB, then fired. The shot connected with the car which quickly shut down.

"Nice shot, Paulie." said Max. "You guys go after that Focus, we'll take care of these broads."

The Flatbed kept after the Piranha PDQ while the Tornado stopped next to the Zender Alpha. The occupants of both cars climbed out.

"Well, I see you found new transportation since the Fanning Islands." said Lara.

"Where are you going to get new transportation?" asked Joe.

"I thought we'd just take yours." said Cate.

"Just try it." said Max.

Chun Li somersaulted into action. She took an offensive stance, then everyone heard a loud growl. They looked in the direction it came from. They saw a green-skinned monster with orange hair, gold anklets, and brown cutoff jeans.

"Blanka!" yelled Chun Li.

Blanka let out another growl and asked "Who dares attack my friend?"

"We're in deep shit now, Maxie." said Joe.

"Oh shit." said Max.

Chun Li and Blanka leaped into action. Chun Li launched into Max with a flying roundhouse kick. Blanka landed and launched himself at Joe with a Rolling Attack. Oddly, both Hunters were knocked to the ground.

"Seeing you in action is a joke." said Blanka.

"Blanka, what are you doing here?" asked Chun Li.

"I saw those two attacking you and I had to intervene." said Blanka. "Besides, I was hungry."

"Thanks for your help." said Chun Li.

"Now, we just need someone to fix the battery." said Cate.

"No problem." said Blanka. He flipped open the engine cover on the Zender Alpha. He then grabbed the leads on the battery and started his Electricity attack.

"And just to make sure they don't follow us." said Chun Li. She jumped over to the Tornado and unleashed her Lightning Leg attack. The Tornado was torn to shreds within a minute.

Meanwhile, the Flatbed was still in pursuit of the Piranha PDQ.

"Come on, lose this guy." said Annie.

"I'm working on it." said James. "I just can't lose him on this terrain."

"Well, just try or we're..." said Oakley just before James brought the car to a halt at the end of a dead end.

"We are going to settle this here and now." said James.

The members of Team Rocket jumped out of the Piranha PDQ while Paul and Feliz got out of the Flatbed.

"Don't need to zap them." said Feliz. "We'll just take them down and be done with it."

"You want to take us on?" asked Jessie. "Be our guest!"

Just then, they were all distracted by someone approaching. They all turned to look.

"Yeah? What do you want?" asked Meowth.

XXXXXXXXXX

"We've got a hit." said Stalker. "The EDB has been used somewhere in Brazil."

"So, that's where it is." said Roadblock. "Move out!"

The Neutralizer and Quickstrike pulled out of camp.

"There's a road not far from here." said Gung Ho.

"That's the road we were supposed to use in the race." said Willow.

"Well, now we're using it to save our collective hides." said Stalker.

The Neutralizer was first to hit the road. It quickly ground to a halt.

"Whoa, what's going on?" asked Stalker as he pulled alongside in the Quickstrike. "What happened, you guys?" he asked.

"We threw a track!" yelled Roadblock.

"Dag!" yelled Stalker. "This could take a while to fix."

Up the road, Darden and Korpi were cruising towards the Joes in the Savanna. An old heavy metal tune was playing over the radio.

"Joe and Feliz are not responding." said Darden.

"Just great." said Korpi. "They're already out of action. What the..?"

Korpi parked the Savanna not far from the two tanks. He climbed out and started honking the horn. "Hey, what the hell is going on here?" he yelled.

"Gung Ho, could you please explain to this guy this could take a while?" asked Stalker.

Gung Ho marched over to the Savanna and clamped his hands onto the door. "I suggest you show a little patience because this is atime-consuming task." he said.

"Hey, I didn't mean any disrespect to the armed forces." said Korpi nervously. "Please, take all the time you need."

Gung Ho looked to the radio and said "You know, this is a nice song. What is it?"

"Heavy metal classic." said Korpi. "It's 'Redline' by King Kobra."

"COBRA?" growled Gung Ho as he ripped the door off of the Savanna.

"Whoa!" yelled Darden as he jumped out.

"Jesus!" yelled Korpi.

"I hate Cobras!" yelled Gung Ho as he smashed the hood with the door.

"Damn!" yelled Darden.

"When I hear that name, it makes me want to smash things!" yelled Gung Ho as he smashed the grill with the door.

"Oh my God!" yelled Korpi.

Finally, Gung Ho threw the door through the windshield. Leaving Darden and Korpi in stunned shock, he walked back to the tanks.

Stalker, Roadblock, and Willow were also shocked. (With Snake Eyes, we can never tell.) "Next time, I'm sending you." Stalker told Roadblock.

"Noted." said Roadblock.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, I can only see the alien queen." said Buckaroo in the Jersey XS. Winston and Mulder were with him. "So, we're going to need another way to determine who's got aliens. We've got the PKE Meter."

"We've got the Lusso's sensors." said J in the Lusso XT. Peter and Perfect Tommy were with him.

"We've got bupkus." said Louis in the Modo Prego. Syndey and K were with him.

"Not necessarily." said K as he reached into his pocket. He pulled out two pens. "We've got something. It just happens to be illegal in most countries."

"What's that?" asked Sydney.

"This is that drug those kids in Ohio used to defeat the alien queen in the first place." said K. "We sampled some when we came to investigate and replicated it just in case. Unfortunately, we have limited supplies."

"How limited?" asked Louis.

"This is it." said K.

"Great." said Sydney.

"There's our first group." said Louis. "They're supposed to be organizing for protection."

Parked near some Incan ruins were the Citi, Interna, and Baja Buggy. Sam, Woody, Norm, and Cliff were admiring the scenery. Beavis and Butthead were still in their car. Max and Highway were sitting on the front bumper of the Buggy. The Modo Prego pulled up next to them and the three inside climbed out.

"Hey, what's going on here?" asked Sam.

"I understand your teams are going to be running together for protection." said K.

"Before we do that, we think it's best if we can prove that none of you are aliens." said Sydney. "As a doctor, I really don't approve of the use of drugs, but it's necessary in this case."

"What are you talking about?" asked Max.

"This drug causes bad reactions in people infected with alien parasites." said K. "I just need one of each of your teams to take it just to be sure."

"I can vouch for Max." said Highway. "I've been staring at the back of his head since Costa Rica."

K handed him a pen and said "Snap off the cap, snort it."

"Got it." said Highway as he did what K told him. He stuck the pen in his nose and took a big snort. "Ah, that's nasty!" he said.

"No ill effects." said Sydney. "I think. If he's got an alien in him, how long before he starts to react?"

"Instantaneously." said K. "Your turn." he said as he tossed the other pen to Sam.

"Whoa, I can't take this!" said Sam. "I'm a recovering alcoholic!"

"Yeah right, and I'm Canadian." said Louis. "Take it."

"Why me?" asked Sam. "Cliff, you take this." he said as he tossed it to Cliff.

"Uh uh, Sammy." said Cliff. "I gotta keep the old Macintosh running smoothly. Nammie, you should take it."

"What?" laughed Norm. "I don't know about that. I mean this stuff could do some pretty bad things to my system like it could kill some brain cells, damage my liver, that kinda thing."

"Hey, wait a minute!" said Sam. "Have you been taken over?"

"Come on, Sammy." said Cliff. "You know we're okay. When have we been out of your sight?"

"What about back in Ecuador when you had to go to the bathroom?" asked Woody.

"Cliff, what can you tell us about these ruins?" asked Sam.

"Oh, lots of stuff." said Cliff. "Did you know the Incans were larger than any European kingdom at the time of their discovery by Pizarro?"

"He's fine." said Sam.

"Told ya." said Cliff.

"You guys should have your own sitcom." laughed Highway.

"What's with him?" asked Max.

"I think the drug's taking effect." said K.

"Oh, thanks a lot!" said Max. "He was supposed to take over driving duties."

"You're driving!" giggled Highway.

"Sammy, you know what to do." said Cliff as he tossed the pen back to Sam.

"Okay. Woody?" said Sam.

"Yeah?" said Woody.

"Take this." said Sam.

"Make me." said Woody.

"Look, somebody just take the stupid drug so we can get going." said Sydney.

"Oh, alright." said Sam as he broke the top off the pen. "I don't see why we can't go through a single continent without someone getting high on something."

"Was he looking at me when he said that?" asked Louis.

Sam stuck the pen in his nose and took a big snort. "There! Happy now?" he said.

"Alright, I'm satisfied." said K. "Let's go."

"Wait, what about those guys?" asked Louis as he pointed to the Interna.

Sydney walked over to investigate. In the Interna, Beavis and Butthead were listening to the radio. The station was playing "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode.

"Your own. Huh huh. Personal. Huh huh. Beavis." sang Butthead.

"Someone to kick your butt." sang Beavis. "Someone who sucks. Heh heh."

"Your own. Huh huh. Personal. Huh huh. Beavis." sang Butthead.

"Someone who gives a crap." sang Beavis. "Someone on crack. Heh heh."

"They're okay." said Sydney.

Woody led Sam back to the Citi. Norm got into the driver's seat.

"Hey, hey, Sammy." said Cliff. "You okay?"

"Diane?" asked Sam.

"Look, Sammy." said Cliff. "You just took some kind of God-knows-what and now you're drooling a bit. But, you're not an alien."

"Good to know." said Sam.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Bolivia...

"This is a pretty picturesque area." said George.

"Aw yeah." said Stanley. "It's nice."

"Hey, look who's here." said Kuni. The Piranha PDQ started to roll over to them.

Team Rocket then exited their car. "Hello, Mr. Newman." said James.

"Uh, hi." said George.

"You're looking handsome this afternoon." said Jessie.

"Why, thank you." said Kuni.

"I mean really handsome." said Annie.

"Thank you." said Kuni.

George's cell phone rang. "I got it." he said.

He checked his phone and found a text message from Lone Wolf. It said "TR alin. Chk ths ot."

George checked what Lone Wolf was talking about. It was a picture of Marybeth, Jesse, and Chester attacking Team Rocket, Paul, and Feliz. He then went to the next picture, which showed Marybeth, Jesse, and Chester implanting Team Rocket and the Hunters with parasites. He then went to the next picture which showed Team Rocket looking possessed.

"We found something you should probably check out." said Oakley.

George looked at his watch and said "Boy, look at the time! Gotta go!"

He then dragged Stanley and Kuni back to the Super Taxi.

"George, is something wrong?" asked Kuni.

"They're aliens." whispered George. "Let's get out of here."

Stanley screamed and looked back. Team Rocket approached menacingly. "Run!" yelled Stanley.

The three of them piled into the Super Taxi. George was driving. He peeled out and took off. Team Rocket poured into the Piranha PDQ and took off after them.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky...

"Okay, I've got the computer hooked up to the GPS tracker." said Wario. "How's the connection with the satellite dish?"

"Looks fine to me." said Bowser. "How long is this going to take?"

"Not long." said Wario. He started to use the computer. "Hmmm, it seems Waluigi has a lot of MP3s on this computer. Wow, he really likes this 80s music."

"Okay, the dish is pointed in the right...whoa." said Bowser as he started to lose his balance. "Whoa! WHOA!"

Bowser then fell off the roof and grabbed one of the wires in a vain attempt to catch himself. The wire was then pulled down with him. The other end was tangled around Wario's leg. He let out a scream just before it pulled him out of the car. He made one last attempt to grab the computer's keyboard, but only hit the return key.

Within a second, he and Bowser were both hanging from the roof.

"Nice one." said Bowser.

"Let go." said Wario.

"You let go!" said Bowser.

XXXXXXXXXX

In San Fransisco, Chloe was running into trouble. "Now, what's wrong with this thing?" she asked.

"What's the problem?" asked Harvey.

"There's something wrong with the satellite network." said Chloe. "It's like someone's trying to send an MP3 through it."

XXXXXXXXXX

Back in Bolivia...

"They're still back there." said Kuni.

"Wait, here comes Lone Wolf." said George.

Lone Wolf pulled alongside the Super Taxi. "I see you got my message." he said.

"Yeah, thanks for the warning." said George.

"Follow me, I can get you out of here." said Lone Wolf. He raced on ahead.

"Hey, what's wrong with the satellite radio?" asked Stanley.

"I dunno." said George. He tried adjusting it and Waluigi's MP3 started to play. "Hey, I love this song!" said George.

Lone Wolf poured on the speed. George kept after him with James right behind.

**Put down that chainsaw and listen to me.  
It's time for us to join in the fight.  
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys.  
It's time to let the bedbugs bite.**

**You better put all your eggs in one basket.  
You better count your chickens before they hatch.  
You better sell some wine before it's time.  
You better find yourself an itch to scratch.**

Lone Wolf roared out of the rainforest and onto a Bolivian highway. The Super Taxi and Pirahna PDQ were right behind him.

**You better squeeze all the Charmin you can,  
when Mr. Whipple's not around.  
Stick your head in the microwave to get yourself a tan.**

A tractor-trailer drove through an intersection ahead of them and blocked their path. Lone Wolf slid under it and got back on his wheels. George used a fence to rock the Super Taxi onto its side wheels and cut in front of the truck. The Piranha drove under it.

**Talk...with your mouth full.  
Bite...the hand that feeds you.  
Bite...off more than you can chew.  
What can you do?  
Dare to be stupid.**

**Take...some wooden nickels.  
Look...for Mr. Goodbar.  
Get...your mojo working now.  
I'll show you how.  
You can dare to be stupid.**

**You can turn the other cheek.  
You can just give up the ship.  
You can eat a bunch of sushi,  
then forget to leave a tip.**

**Dare to be stupid.  
Yeah!  
Why don't you dare to be stupid?  
It's so easy,  
so dare to be stupid.  
We're all waiting for you.  
Let's go.**

"I found a shortcut. Come on!" said Lone Wolf as he led George down a dirt road. The Piranha followed.

**It's time to.  
Make a mountain out of a molehill,  
so can I have a volunteer?  
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk.  
Now, it's time for crying in your beer.**

**Settle down with a hubby, join the PTA,  
buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet,  
then party 'til you're broke and they drag you away.  
It's okay.  
You can dare to be stupid.**

The Nousagi and Super Taxi raced across a bridge and found themselves amongst some ruins. They raced into separate tunnels with the Piranha behind them.

**It's just like spitting on a fish.  
It's just like barking up a tree.  
It's like I said,  
you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free.**

**Dare to be stupid.  
Yeah!  
Why don't you dare to be stupid?  
It's so easy,  
so dare to be stupid.  
We're all waiting for you.**

**Burn your candle at both ends.  
Look a gift horse in the mouth.  
Mashed potatoes can be your friends.**

Lone Wolf leaped his bike onto the ground and suddenly lurched to a halt. The Super Taxi pulled alongside him and he told George "Chain broke!"

**You can be a coffee achiever.  
You can sit around the house and watch "Leave it to Beaver.  
The future's up to you,  
so whatcha gonna go?  
Dare to be stupid.  
Dare to be stupid.**

The Pirahna raced towards the Super Taxi and George backed up quickly as he tried to avoid them.

**What did I say?  
Dare to be stupid.  
Tell me, what did I say?  
Dare to be stupid.  
It's alright.  
Dare to be stupid.  
We can be stupid alright.  
Dare to be stupid.**

The Piranha went bumper-to-bumper with the Super Taxi. George continued to back up. Finally, he pulled a bootlegger and the Piranha's front wheels went off a wall.

**Come on, join the crowd.  
Dare to be stupid.  
Shout it out loud.  
Dare to be stupid.  
I can't hear you.  
Dare to be stupid.  
Okay, I can hear you now.  
Dare to be stupid.**

George raced back to Lone Wolf as the Piranha's front wheels spun uselessly in the air.

**Let's go,  
dare to be stupid.  
Dare to be stupid.  
Dare to be stupid.  
Dare to be stupid.  
Dare to be stupid.  
Dare to be stupid.  
Dare to be stupid.  
Dare to be stupid.**

-"Dare to Be Stupid" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.

Lone Wolf was looking at the Nousagi as George, Stanley, and Kuni walked over to him.

"How bad?" asked George.

"I need a replacement link." said Lone Wolf. "Can you give me a ride to the next town?"

"Hey, after all you've done for us, it's the least we can do for you." said Kuni.

"I got the trunk." said Stanley.

"Will the Nousagi fit in there?" asked Lone Wolf.

"Well, I know that me and Kuni can fit in there together." said George as he helped wheel the Nousagi over to the trunk. "Don't ask me how."

XXXXXXXXXX

In San Francisco, Monk was watching race coverage on television.

"There have been rumors tossed around about an alien invasion, but no proof of such. If such proof is offered, it will no doubt be discounted by the scientific community. What isn't rumor is the recent zombie outbreak in Brazil. However, the outbreak isn't being taken seriously by the locals and, strangely enough, the zombies."

A local walked up to one of the zombies and asked for directions. It pointed down a street and the local followed. Another group of zombies were seen gathered around a storefront watching television. The television was showing an episode of "Married...With Children."

"While the Cannonballers seem to be thriving amidst the reported alien invasion and zombie outbreak, one team ran into a little bit of bad luck when one team member drove their car right through a bakery window. The driver, Bernie Lomax, was cited for driving with an expired license and various other infractions, the car was removed from the window and repaired, and the team continued with the race."

"No wonder they didn't let him drive." said Monk.

Not far away, Nash and Joe were talking with Zeke.

"So, Mr. Tyler." said Nash. "Can I call you Zeke? As I mentioned, this alien invasion everyone is talking about is pretty much like the one you helped stop back in high school."

"So, what do you want from me?" asked Zeke.

"We need Skat." said Joe. "That's the stuff they used to defeat the alien back in Herrington. So, we need it to defeat her again."

"If you look back at the history of the invasion," said Zeke "you'll see there was a lot of torture from the alien queen bitch. There's no way I'm going to put myself back in danger like that. I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to find someone else to make your Skat."

"There is no one else." said Joe. "You're the only one..."

"Hold it, Joe." said Nash. "Now, Mr. Tyler, this is where another police chief would start to get pissed. But I'm not another police chief. You see, I try to get deals by seeing what I want from the other party, then I try to give them what they want. And that's what I'm going to do with you. Come on."

He led Zeke to the balcony overlooking the parking lot. A truck carrying the car with a tarp over it was parked outside with Jesse, Dex, and Wildcat standing over it.

"I believe you know what that is." said Nash. "But just in case, guys, lift the tarp!"

Jesse and Dex pulled the tarp off revealing a black muscle car with red stripes. The front end was mangled and fire-blackened and the windshield and rear window were smashed.

"Wow." said Nash. "That's a 'Goat', isn't it?"

"1970 Pontiac GTO." said Zeke. "It was wrecked during the last invasion."

"And we brought it with us to aid in the negotiation." said Joe as Harvey led a man in his early forties onto the balcony.

"So, what are you going to do with it?" asked Zeke. "Smash it up even more if I don't comply?"

"Just the opposite, actually." said the man.

Zeke turned to look at him, then jumped back in shock. "Oh my God, you're Chip Foose!" he said.

"Nash called me in." said Chip as he shook hands with Zeke. "If you help us out, we're going to fix up your GTO and I'm going to design it."

Zeke looked at Chip, then the GTO, then asked Nash "Where's your local chemical supply store?"

"Alright! That's the spirit!" said Nash.

On the truck, Jesse jammed a crowbar into the hood of the GTO and popped it open, revealing the engine.

"400 cubic inch displacement Ram Air, no shit." he said.

"Wow, that looks ace." said Dex.

"You know, I've got some spare parts in the van." said Wildcat. "We can use them to fix up the engine in about a day."

"Really?" asked Dex.

"Sure, and since we only have half the parts," said Wildcat "it'll only take half as long."

"You know something?" asked Jesse. "This will decimate all...after we put about fifteen grand or more into it...and if we have to, overnight some parts from Detroit."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Bolivia, the next group was forming. The Knight, Citi Turbo, and PT Phoenix were parked at a scenic overlook.

"How much longer before our fourth shows up?" asked Stone Cold.

"Better not be long." said Homer. "I've got ice cream melting in the trunk."

"Hey, I was thinking." said B.A. "What do you guys plan on doing with the money?"

"I was thinking of putting on the best rock tour I possibly can." said Rob. "I'd use the money to build an elaborate setup and cut ticket prices a lot. You know, kind of what U2 did on their Zoo TV tour."

"I'd use the money to get the Foundation to build KITT some female companionship." said Michael.

"Thank you, Michael." said KITT. "I'd like her to be a Miata if that's at all possible."

"What about you, Homer?" asked Stone Cold. "What did you spend it on last year?"

"Ah, I blew the whole thing on some environmental scam." said Homer. "Stupid dihydrogen monoxide."

Just then, the Majestic pulled up. Joel and Fearless climbed out.

"What do these guys want?" asked Bart.

"Excuse me." said Joel. "Are you Cannonballers?"

"Why do you ask?" asked Michael.

"Michael, I just ran the plates on their car." said KITT. "It's registered to a Los Angeles Triad who was arrested a few years ago. The car was confiscated by a local sherriff who retained it for office use. That sherriff is currently the man in charge of investigating the Cannonball."

Fearless drew his gun. "Okay, you're coming with us." he said.

"Whoa, I don't think you have any authority here in South America." said B.A.

"That's not what this says." said Joel. He handed them a piece of paper.

"It's a notice from Interpol." said Stone Cold. "It gives them jurisdiction in other countries in cases of organized crime."

"Whoa! I didn't know they could do that." said Bart.

Suddenly, there was a rustling from the bushes. A second later, a half dozen zombies shambled out.

"Hey, bro." said Rob.

Homer and Bart screamed and jumped back into the Citi Turbo. The others followed suit.

"Run!" yelled Joel.

"Come on, we have to pick up Marge and Lisa." said Homer as he pulled out. Maggie was sitting in the back seat sucking on her pacifier.

"Follow those guys." said B.A. in the back seat of the Knight. "Murdock's with those girls."

"Look, I know you feel a kinship with those things." said Stone Cold to Nemesis. "But I really don't think we should be near them."

Back at the scenic overlook, the zombies looked out at the scenery. One of them pulled out a camera and the others grouped together. The zombie with the camera moaned something. The other zombies moaned. (One also made "rabbit ears" behind another's head.) The zombie with the camera took their picture.

Homer and Michael stopped at a clearing where Lisa, Marge, and Murdock were standing. Stone Cold kept going with Joel in pursuit.

"Get in! Quick!" yelled Homer.

"Get in, fool!" yelled B.A.

Lisa climbed into the back of the Citi Turbo with Bart and Maggie. Marge got into the front passenger seat. Murdock got into the Knight's front passenger seat. Both cars took off running.

"Boy, that was close." said Bart.

"Homer, can I show you something?" asked Marge.

"Oh, can't it wait, Marge?" asked Homer.

"Ah! Dad!" yelled Bart. "Lisa's trying to...HMMMPP! Never mind."

"Wha?" asked Homer. "Oh no! My family's been taken over by aliens! This is awful!"

"It's not so bad, Homer." said Marge. "You should join us."

"But look at you!" said Homer. "Now, we're going to be conformists and part of an invasion to conquer the world and we're going to have our thinking done for us...where do I sign up?"

Homer pulled over to be taken over as the Stratum and Buccaneer gave chase to the Knight.

"They can take me to Rockatansky." said the Warrior.

"Who cares?" asked Foyt. "I'm interested in all the Cannonballers."

"Ah, dangit." said B.A. "Not only are we being chased again, the Simpsons seem to be pulling over."

"I detect nothing wrong with their car." said KITT. "However, something odd is going on in there."

Michael's eyes widened with a sudden realization. "KITT, scan Mr. Murdock, please." he said while hiding his mouth with his hand.

KITT performed the scan. "Michael, I've performed this scan numerous times already." he said. "I don't think there's...oh no, there's something in his head!"

Murdock turned to attack Michael, but Michael hit the Eject Front Right button. Murdock was immediately jettisoned from the vehicle.

Johnny and Lance watched Murdock shoot into the air. "Boy, he had to go bad." said Lance.

"Alright, let's get out of here, KITT!" said Michael.

The Knight raced down a dirt road with the Stratum and Buccaneer in pursuit. Michael put it to the floor, but the two cars were still behind him.

"We're not losing them!" said B.A. "They're hanging on us!"

"Not for long." said Michael. "See that river?"

"You mean the one without the bridge?" asked KITT.

"You got it." said Michael.

"What do you mean the one without the bridge?" asked B.A.

"The one without the bridge!" said KITT.

"Is he nuts?" asked Johnny.

"That's why we gotta take him off the road." said Lance.

The Knight raced towards the river. Just as it was about to go in...

"Michael!" said KITT.

"Hang on!" yelled Michael. He pushed the Turbo Boost button and the Knight soared over the river. The car came to a hard landing on the other side.

"You alright, B.A?" asked Michael.

"I'm fine." said B.A. "Look, I understand that was necessary, but if you do that one more time, I'm hitchhiking back to the states."

"KITT?" asked Michael.

"Looks like they're going to try it too." said KITT.

"Micro-Lock their brakes." said Michael as he pushed the Micro-Jam button.

The Knight started to project a microwave beam at the Stratum and the car's brakes locked. It spun out and rolled over into the river. The Buccaneer came to a stop nearby. Michael laughed.

"I pity those fools." said B.A. "I pity 'em."

Lance and Johnny crawled out of the partially submerged Stratum. Foyt and the Warrior watched.

"Get me out of here." said Johnny.

"Will you guys quit fooling around?" yelled Foyt.

Not far away, the PT Phoenix tore down another dirt road with the Citi Turbo, Piranha PDQ, Cohete, and Stadt on its tail.

"I think we could use some breathing room." said Rob.

"I got a plan." said Stone Cold. "Brace yourself."

"I did as soon as you said 'I got a plan'." said Rob.

Stone Cold laughed and turned off onto another dirt road. The pursuing cars failed to notice the sudden move and missed the turn.

"Now what?" asked Rob.

"There's a ferry crossing ahead." said Stone Cold. "Me and Nemesis saw it on the map. Right, buddy?"

Nemesis roared.

"After the ferry takes us across the river..." said Stone Cold.

"We sabotage it." said Rob.

"Exactly." said Stone Cold.

Seconds later, they came to the ferry. Unfortunately, it was already taking another car across the river.

"Damn! Missed it!" said Stone Cold.

"All is not lost." said Rob. "Let me drive."

"What?" asked Stone Cold.

"Come on!" said Rob as he and Stone Cold got out. "Tout de suite!"

"Rob, you speak French." said Stone Cold as he and Rob got back in on opposite sides.

Rob threw the car into reverse and backed up some distance.

"Oh, I see what you're gonna do." said Stone Cold.

Rob put the car back into the forward gears and raced towards the crossing. He hit the nitrous just before he got there.

"Yahoo!" cheered Stone Cold as the PT Phoenix hit an embankment and jumped the river. The ferryman looked up at it as it passed by the trees. "Hey, look. There's a bird nesting." said Stone Cold as the car started to land.

The car came down with a thud and turned back for the crossing. The two men got out and approached the bewildered ferryman.

"You guys must be in some kind of hurry." said the ferryman.

"Yeah, we are. What?" said Stone Cold.

"Let me handle this." said Rob. He turned to the ferryman and said "Senor, how would you like to make one hundred dollars?"

The ferryman looked to him intrigued.

"Some friends of ours will be coming along shortly and I was wondering if you could sort of delay them." said Rob. "You know, as a joke."

The pursuing cars raced along towards the crossing. The ferryman looked in the direction of their engine sounds. Finally, he turned back to Rob.

"Sorry, I can't do it, senor." said the ferryman. "It's against regulations."

"THREE hundred dollars?" asked Rob.

"Regulations." explained the ferryman.

"FOUR hundred dollars." said Rob.

"It's against regulations." said the ferryman.

"Regulate THIS!" said Stone Cold as he picked up the ferryman and gave him a piledriver. He then went into the ferry's cabin and started to work the throttle loose. "I've had enough of regulations." he said. Finally, the throttle lever broke free and Stone Cold tossed it into the river.

"Not how I would have handled it." said Rob. "Good work."

A horn sound alerted them to the pursuing cars on the other side.

"See ya." said Rob as he waved. He then gave them the finger and ran for the PT Phoenix. "Let's go. I'll drive." he said.

"Okay." said Stone Cold. "You drive."

XXXXXXXXXX

Fuji drove the Alarde down the dirt road. "Once we get to the river, we can implement your next stunt." he said.

"Thanks, Fuje." said Super Dave as he sat on the roof of the Alarde. He was tethered to the car's rear bumper again. "I hope this barefoot waterskiing stunt works better than my last few."

"You sound worried, Super." said Fuji.

"I am worried, Fuji." said Super Dave. "We haven't seen any other cars since yesterday. I'm almost afraid we've fallen too far behind."

"Look, Super!" said Fuji as he pointed to the Citi Turbo, Stadt, Cohete, and Piranha PDQ heading for them.

"I should've known we weren't that far behind." said Super Dave as the other cars drove around the Alarde. "Wait, where are they going?"

Fuji immediately performed a 180 degree turn and raced after them. However, he had thrown Super Dave off the car and was now dragging him behind.

"Fuji!" yelled Super Dave. "Reel me in! Reel me in!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, we've decided to recruit the three of you to help root out the alien menace." said Buckaroo to Team MASK, Ethan and Snake, and Jarod and Johnny Five. "I'm sure there's some way to pay you back for your assistance, so if you can think of something, name it."

"I have a request." said Matt. "I need to ask Chloe to use her computer to look something up."

"I'll patch you through to her as soon as I can." said Buckaroo.

"Us? We're just doing our job." said Ethan.

"Speak for yourself." said Snake. "I'll mention something if I can think of it."

"Doctor Banzai, I have a request for you." said Jarod. "If you honor this, I will lend my assistance."

"Jarod, your teammate has already pledged his assistance." said Buckaroo. "Mr. Zeddmore is rigging him up as we speak."

Winston was working on Johnny Five's arm. "Just a little more and you've got a built-in PKE Meter." he said.

"Good job." said Johnny Five. "Now, can you rig me with XM satellite radio?"

"I'll get back to you on that." said Winston.

"What is your request?" asked Buckaroo.

"It's like this." said Jarod. "There's this organization called the Centre. They held me captive for a couple of decades using my talents to formulate some insidious plans and schemes. If it's not too much trouble, I'd like you to look into them."

"I have no problem with that." said Buckaroo. "I assume we can count on you now."

"You can." said Jarod. "As of now, you're working with Jarod Scully, professional alien hunter."

Mulder gave him a suspicious look. Next to him, Matt was using the satellite video phone.

"According to the MIBs, the designs for the race cars two years ago came from an outside source." said Matt. "When you get a moment, can you search through the records and find out what that outside source is?"

"I'll work on it, Matt." said Chloe in San Francisco. "Right now, we're in the middle of a huge assignment, so I'm sure you understand that we can't perform the search now."

"I understand completely." said Matt. "We're in this assignment as well."

"Okay, thank you very much." said Chloe. "I'll get back to you later."

Chloe closed the channel and got up to get a snack. She walked past Zeke, Jesse, Dex, and Wildcat who had set up a miniature chemistry lab.

"Caffeine pills?" said Dex. "Who knew this was the secret ingredient?"

"You never saw that." said Zeke as he took it away from him.

"So, it was just you and four others against the aliens, huh?" asked Wildcat.

"Yeah, quite a story." said Zeke as he took out a photograph. "We got our picture taken together afterwards. Nice, huh?"

Jesse took the picture and looked at it. "This girl kinda looks like Dominic's sister." he said.

"Oh, that's Delilah." said Zeke. "Want me to introduce you?"

"No, no, that's fine." said Jesse.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Crusero Magnifico, Jones J450, and Modicum XSV were parked at a gas station waiting for the fourth for their group.

"If he doesn't get here soon, I suggest we go it alone." said Dale.

"Don't worry." said Kermit. "I'm sure the fourth team will be here soon."

"Oh really?" said Daffy. "After seeing our competition, I'm not so sure they could escape those aliens."

"Yo man!" said Boomhauer. "That there ding dang fourth team done shown up."

The Bryanston V pulled into the gas station and the team climbed out.

"Did we, uh, miss anything?" asked Ben.

"Not yet." said Bugs. "Ready for a team-up?"

"We're all set." said Bernard.

"Great, let's go." said Fozzie.

Within a minute, the cars were on the road.

"Uh, Bugs?" asked Daffy. "Are you getting that creepy feeling I am?"

"Ah, what feeling is that, Daffy?" asked Bugs.

"Oh, just the feeling that THOSE GUYS IN THE PINK CAR ARE ALIENS!" said Daffy.

"What are you talking about?" asked Bugs.

"Well, why do you think they're late?" asked Daffy. "How do you explain the rabbit's violent attitude? How do you explain how they can bear to be in a pink car?"

"Max, will you just calm down already?" asked Sam. "At least you're not as tempermental as usual."

Sam picked up Max and got punched in the face three times.

"So, Bernard." said Ben. "How can you bring yourself to drive a pink car?"

Max popped out of Sam's grip and pounced on him.

"Oh, after a few thousand miles, it really doesn't bother me." said Bernard. "In fact, I've got other concerns."

Sam picked up Max again and Max kicked him several times.

"Like what?" asked Ben.

Sam threw Max out the window.

"Well, did you ever consider that one or more of the teams we're traveling with may be aliens?" asked Bernard.

"Why do you say that?" asked Ben.

Max climbed back through the window and pounced on Sam again.

"Well, when I heard about the invasion," said Bernard. "I called my friends with the Meteor Police and they told me to be wary of anyone acting strangely."

"Acting strangely?" asked Ben. "That could be anyone in the race."

"Well, I'm just keeping an open mind." said Bernard.

"Um, Kermit." said Fozzie. "I was thinking."

"About what?" asked Kermit.

"Well, how do we know none of our companions are aliens?" asked Fozzie.

"Well...um...uh..." said Kermit. "Well, I'm sure they're not."

"Of course they're not." said Gonzo. "They didn't have green skin or antennae."

"Uh, Gonzo, these aliens are parasites that burrow into someone's brain and control them." said Kermit.

"Oh, forget I said anything." said Gonzo.

"Hank, those other teams are part of the alien invasion." said Dale.

"Dangit, Dale." said Hank. "What makes you say that? They haven't been out of our sight the whole time."

"Or so they want you to think." said Dale. "They've already taken over the government. We're not in Iraq looking for oil. We're looking for more brains to control."

"Why do I even bother?" asked Hank.

The cars came to a four-way intersection. In the Crusero, Bugs looked to Daffy who pointed left, then Wile E. who held up a sign that said "Do it."

Kermit looked around nervously, then prepared to turn right. Fozzie, Gonzo, and Animal nodded to him.

The cars entered the intersection. The Crusero went left, the Modicum went right, the Jones J450 went straight, and the Bryanston V turned around and went back the way they came.

Hank stopped the truck.

"You see, Hank?" asked Dale. "They conspired to leave us alone."

"Gotdangit, Dale!" yelled Hank. "Will you just shut up?"

Brock was watching on a satellite camera. "Good idea." he said. "This is going gangbusters."

XXXXXXXXXX

At a rest stop in Argentina, Memphis and Jesse were sitting next to each other playing poker.

"So then I tell the guy 'Ferrari? I thought you said Fiero.'" said Memphis. Jesse, Chen, and Kobe laughed. The two zombies sitting with them moaned.

"Okay, I'll keep these three." said Memphis as he tossed two cards into the pile and drew two more from the deck. "And I'll draw two. What about you, Jesse?"

Jesse picked up the hand of the zombie next to him, which was holding his cards. "I think I'll stick with the hand I've got." he said. "So, what do you have?"

"I've got five unmatched cards. I fold." said Kobe.

"I have a flush." said Chen. "What about you, zombie?"

"(Chen, he's eating the cards again!)" said Kobe.

Nearby, Dominic and Kaga were sitting on the hoods of their cars.

"So, I told the barber I wanted a haircut like that 70s TV cop." said Dominic. "I meant Starsky, he thought I was talking about Kojak."

Kaga laughed. "In Japan, we ask for the number." he said.

The Schneller V8 pulled up next. Corvax and the two Terminators climbed out.

"Where's the fourth?" asked Corvax.

"Running late from the looks of it." said Dominic.

"Here he comes." said Kaga. The Torrida approached.

Buffy, Xander, and Marybeth climbed out and walked towards the group.

"Aren't you the guys we were warned about?" asked Memphis.

"Warned about by whom?" asked Xander.

"Why don't you guys just give it up?" asked Kobe. "The news is out about your team."

"Very well." said Marybeth. "Take them."

Buffy and Xander started to advance on the racers.

"What do you think you're doing?" asked the T-1000. "In case you haven't noticed, you're completely outnumbered by seasoned fighters."

"Seasoned fighters and fighters with seasoning." said Chen.

The teams then did battle. About then, the Vortex 5 pulled up.

"I think these are the guys." said Jarod.

"Let's go for it." said Johnny 5.

"Hold on, I have to put on a disguise." said Jarod as he opened a makeup kit.

"Why?" asked Johnny 5.

Jarod pointed to Jesse and said "Because I went on 'Monster Garage' last year as Jarod Goodrich," then pointed to Kaga and added "and earlier, I went on 'Iron Chef' as Jarod Child."

"Oh, I see." said Johnny 5. "How'd you do?"

"Trans-Am rally car was a success, brocolli duck roast lost by five points." said Jarod.

Memphis held Xander in a half nelson while Jesse and Dominic approached.

"Don't you know you can put an eye out roughhousing?" asked Jesse.

"This is gonna hurt, isn't it?" asked Xander.

Buffy tangled with the T-X.

"You should probably submit." said Buffy as she delivered a pair of roundhouse kicks, both of which were blocked. "You will not have to take this then."

"Not likely." said the T-X. "Your parasites are not compatible with my infrastructure."

Marybeth fought with the T-1000 and took him in a headlock. She then dropped one of her parasites into his ear. She released him and let him stand up. He did and then the parasite came out of his hand.

"I believe this is yours." he said just before he crushed the parasite.

Corvax talked with Kaga and the Iron Chefs by the cars.

"And then you add about a teaspoon of duck sauce." said Chen.

"Ah, sounds tasty." said Corvax.

"Did you know that less than five percent of duck sauce is applied to duck?" asked Kobe.

Buffy managed to get the T-X to stumble. Just before she could follow up with anything, a laser blast hit the wall next to her. Everyone looked to where it had come from and saw Johnny 5 and Jarod who was disguised as an old man.

"We know about Buffy and Xander, but what about the others?" asked Jarod. "Are they clean?"

Johnny 5 scanned them with the PKE Meter. "They're Zestfully clean." he said.

"Okay, let's get back to the cars and get back to the race!" said Jarod.

"Give me one reason why!" said Dominic.

"Two hundred, fifty million dollars." said Johnny 5.

"I'm sold." said Kaga.

"And to make sure they don't follow us." said Johnny 5. He turned to the Torrida and fired his laser at the front tire.

The racers returned to their cars. On the way, Dominic's cell phone rang. He answered it.

"Yeah?"

"Dominic, are you alright?" asked Jesse on the other end.

"Yeah, Jesse. What's going on?" replied Dominic.

"The aliens tried to stop us and we're beating it." said Jesse James.

"We fixed up a buttload of Skat and had it loaded onto a plane." said Jesse. "It should be there before you get to Tierra Del Fuego."

"Good to hear, now we get this alien mess behind us." said Dominic.

"Of course we're gonna get it behind us." said Jesse James. "That's why we're getting out of here."

"Look, Jesse, I'm gonna have to call you back." said Dominic. "Mr. James is being a smartass."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Saikou and RSMC 15 raced through Argentina. The black van was right behind them.

"Mama mia!" said Mario. "This guy is-a not letting up!"

"Don't worry." said Link. "I'm trying to find a weapon to use against him."

"Come on, Knuckles!" said Sonic. "I can get out and run faster than this!"

"You can run faster than anything." said Tails.

Suddenly, the Saikou lost power and drifted to a halt.

"Uh oh." said Luigi.

"What's wrong?" asked Mario.

"We're out of gas." said Luigi.

"Knuckles, what are you doing?" asked Sonic.

"Increasing our lead." said Knuckles.

"You can't just leave them there!" said Tails.

"Why not?" asked Knuckles.

"Well, think about it." said Sonic. "Every year, we enter this race to show that plumber up. If something were to happen to them, the race would lose its purpose for me."

"Besides, you'd want them to do the same for you, right?" asked Tails.

Knuckles thought about their words for a second, then performed a 180-degree turn.

"Ha! I knew you'd do the right thing." said Sonic.

The black van prepared to charge the Saikou.

"Link, where's that weapon?" asked Mario.

"I'm looking!" said Link as he went through the chest.

Just as the van was charging towards the Saikou, the Pianha PDQ showed up and parked near them. The van veered off and drove away.

"Okay, when the scary guy is scared, that's a problem." said Luigi.

"What now?" asked Mario.

Just then, the RSMC 15 returned. Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles jumped out.

"Hey, the calvary's arrived...sort of." said Link.

"Let's-a go." said Mario. He jumped out of the Saikou and grabbed a Fire Flower. Luigi followed and grabbed a Magic Leaf.

Sonic had his Ancient Light, Tails had his Laser Blaster, and Knuckles was armed with his Hammer Gloves.

"Mario, why don't you and your team join us?" asked Jessie.

"I'd-a rather not." said Mario.

"You want some of this?" asked Knuckles.

"Found it!" yelled Link. He stood up out of the Saikou with his Flute. He then blew the Flute. A pair of birds flew in and carried off the Saikou and RSMC 15 with their passengers.

"Well, that took long enough." said Luigi.

"Where are we going?" asked Tails.

"We should be taken to the next gas station." said Link.

"Looks like we came back for nothing." said Knuckles.

"You came back for us?" asked Luigi.

"Hey, we couldn't let you guys get pasted." said Sonic.

"Paisan!" said Mario.

"Dude!" said Sonic.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Victory and Cocotte raced through Chile. They came to an intersection and stopped. The teams in both cars got out.

"What's wrong?" asked James. "Why are we stopping?"

"We've lost the Angels." said Leonardo.

"I thought our rearview looked empty." said Jaws.

"What happened to them?" asked Donatello.

"Maybe they stopped for pizza." said Raphael.

"And they didn't tell us?" asked Michaelangelo. "Totally bogus, man!"

"Wait, here they come." said James as the Kuruma Faasuto pulled up.

Dylan, Natalie, and Alex climbed out, but Wayne and Garth were nowhere in sight.

"Hello, Angels." said Raphael.

"Dylan, what happened to you guys?" asked Leonardo. "And where are Wayne and Garth?"

"We had a flat." said Dylan. "We were going to call you guys, but our radio was out."

"We decided to leave Wayne and Garth behind." said Natalie. "Something about a bathroom break."

"And you didn't wait for them?" asked Donatello.

"This is a race!" said Alex.

"Okay, something's up." said Raphael.

"Agreed." said James. "Can you ladies prove you are not infected with an alien parasite?"

The Angels looked to each other. "Not at the moment." said Dylan.

"Then we have no choice. Sorry." said Leonardo. He and the Turtles drew their weapons. James pulled out his sleeper dart weapon.

It was then that the Veloci pulled up. Tommy, Max, Wayne, and Garth climbed out.

"Whoa! What's going on here?" asked Garth.

"Wh-what happened to you guys?" asked Donatello.

"Oh, we stopped to fix a flat tire." said Wayne. "And then we decided to take a leak and I guess the girls got tired of waiting."

"You shouldn't have done that!" said Tommy. "What if the aliens got you?"

"How do we know their story checks out?" asked Michaelangelo.

"I have an idea." said James. He whispered something to Leonardo.

"Got it." said Leonardo. He walked up to Wayne and Garth and whispered something to them. They whispered something in response.

"What are you guys doing?" asked Natalie.

"What he's asking is 'which tire'?" said James.

"Rear-left." said Alex.

"That's the answer I got." said Leonardo.

"Uh, sorry for that little misunderstanding." said Raphael.

"Oh, no problem." said Wayne.

"Why am I always the last to beinformed of anything?" asked Max.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Jetto, this is Sky Captain. I'm about an hour from Tierra Del Fuego. Any sign of the alien queen?"

"A couple of hours ago, we had a report that the queen accosted three of the teams." said Jetto from the passenger seat of the Rigg. "We don't know where she is now."

"Great." said Sky Captain.

"Tell him we might have her." said Mason. They were right behind the Super Taxi.

"We're almost there." said George.

"Good. I can't wait for Antarctica." said Kuni.

"Look, guys." said Stanley. "There's Mason and Spike."

"I see 'em, Stanley." said George. "But, uh, what's that other truck?"

Behind the Rigg was the Flatbed. Darden and Korpi were riding on the back with Paul.

"So, where'd you find the girl?" asked Korpi.

"We picked her up in Argentina." said Paul.

Marybeth sat in the passenger seat while Feliz drove.

Stalker watched the Flatbed drive along the road through binoculars. "I have a visual on the EDB." he said. "Let's roll!"

Stalker put the Quickstrike into gear while Roadblock put the Neutralizer into motion. Stalker, Roadblock, and Gung Ho called out "Yo Joe!"

"Mason, we've got a problem." said Spike from the Rigg's turret.

"I see it, Spike." said Mason. "Let's be careful."

The Flatbed pulled alongside the Rigg and Paul aimed the EDB at it. Spike aimed the turret right back.

"Go ahead. I dare you." said Spike. "This thing ain't electric."

"If you insist." said Paul. As he went to pull the trigger, an explosion rocked the truck.

Everyone turned to see the explosion was the result of one of the Quickstrike's missiles.

"Now that he's distracted, ram him!" said Jetto.

Mason turned the Rigg towards the Flatbed and rammed it. The blades on the Rigg's wheels started to rip into the side of the Flatbed.

In front, the Super Taxi was joined by the Boost.

"Kuni, what's going on?" asked Bruce.

"I think we've found the alien queen." said Kuni.

"I'm going in." said Matt.

"Me too." said Stanley.

"Then, let's suit up." said Matt. He pushed a button on the dashboard and his Spectrum mask was lowered over his head.

The Rigg and the two G.I. Joe vehicles got into a shoving match while on the road.

"Get rid of these guys." said Marybeth.

Feliz swerved one way and knocked the Rigg into the bushes, then the other way and caused the Neutralizer to spin out. The Quickstrike stopped to avoid hitting it.

"You guys alright?" asked Stalker.

"Mais oui." said Gung Ho. "It's going to take a second to return to the chase, though."

"We're fine, too." said Mason. "Let's get back in there."

"Stalker, where's Snake-Eyes?" asked Roadblock.

"I see we have two targets to destroy." said Paul. "Let's get to it."

"Spectrum Hang Glider, on!" called Matt. A yellow energy net covered his arms and he used it to glide to the front end of the Flatbed.

"DUN DUN DAAAHHHH!" called Stanley as he transformed into Captain Chaos and followed Matt.

Darden and Korpi jumped to their feet when the two fighters boarded the truck.

"It's open season on costumed weirdos." said Darden.

Suddenly, Snake-Eyes popped up onto the back of the truck and took a fighting stance.

"I don't believe it." said Korpi. "It's one of those G.I. Joe guys."

"You're with G.I. Joe?" asked Matt. "Funny, I thought you'd be taller."

"Ball's in our court." said Chaos.

"Then, it looks like I have to play." said Marybeth as she climbed onto the back.

"Better get back in the truck, toots." said Korpi. "This is no place for a lady."

"Wanna bet?" asked Marybeth. She turned her arms into tentacles, then transformed into her true form.

Darden and Korpi stared in shock. "No...frickin'...way." said Darden.

"I think we could use some help." said Matt.

Just then, the Monstruo raced out of a side road and got behind the Flatbed.

"Whoa, what is that thing?" asked Ethan.

"That's our target I assume." said Snake. "Now, how do we get on that thing?"

"Like this." said Ethan. He steered towards a small hill and hit his nitrous. The Monstruo rocketed off of a hill and jumped onto the back of the Flatbed, knocking Paul and the EDB off and into the jungle.

"Alright, let's get 'em." said Snake.

"I can't get out here." said Ethan as he looked out his window and saw his side of the car was hanging off the side of the truck.

"I'm after him." said Snake. He jumped out and attacked Korpi. Matt went after Darden. Chaos and Snake-Eyes teamed up against Marybeth.

It was about then that the Neutralizer, Quickstrike, and Rigg caught up with the Flatbed.

"Thanks for the intel." said Stalker into his radio. "Sky Captain has been informed of the target's twenty and is on the way."

"Will those guys get out in time?" asked Willow.

"Snake-Eyes can, I hope he helps the rest of them." said Stalker.

Mason pulled alongside the Flatbed again and steered towards him. The wheel blades of the Rigg started to cut into the Flatbed again. Feliz fought back with all his might and Mason pulled away.

"Let's see how he likes it." said Feliz. He steered towards the Rigg to ram it. Mason hit the brakes and the Flatbed completely missed him.

Snake looked at where the truck was going now and saw it was heading for an embankment.

"Get in!" yelled Ethan.

Snake ran for the Monstruo as Ethan threw the car into reverse and floored the accelerator. Snake got in at the last second before itbacked off of the truck.

"Wait for me." said Matt. He jumped for the car as it fell to the road and landed on the hood.

The Flatbed then drove off the road and plowed into an embankment. Chaos and Snake-Eyes were thrown off of the back with Darden and Korpi.

"Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy." said Darden.

Marybeth roared. She started to attack as well.

"Wait, you hear that?" asked Chaos.

What he heard was the sound of an airplane propellor. Sky Captain was on his way to make an attack run.

"Okay, target is sighted." announced Sky Captain.

"Okay, remember." said Dex. "You only have one shot."

"From the looks of it, there's no way I can miss this thing." said Sky Captain. "Preparing to launch Skat missile."

Sky Captain activated a switch on his control panel and a missile rack extended from the bottom of the Rustler. He lined up Marybeth in his sights and let loose. The missile fired and hit right next to Marybeth's monsterous form.

A cloud of Skat billowed forth from the missile and engulfed Darden, Korpi, and Marybeth. "Ugh, what is this crap?" asked Korpi.

"I don't know, but it makes my eyes burn." said Darden.

Marybeth started to writhe in pain as the Skat went to work on her system. Finally, she collapsed and started to disintegrate.

Chaos and Snake walked away from the battle to find the Boost, Monstruo, and Super Taxi waiting for them.

George was sitting on the hood of the Super Taxi playing his accordian. He sang "I close...my...eyes. Only for a moment and the moment's gone. Dust in the wind. All we are is dust in the wind."

"Thank God that's over with." said Ethan.

"My uncle always said 'When good men stand together, evil is doomed.'" said Bruce.

"And the race may continue." said Gloria.

"Amen." said George.

With that, the Cannonballers returned to their cars and drove off. The Quickstrike and Neutralizer pulled up and parked.

"Snake-Eyes, where's the EDB?" asked Stalker.

Snake-Eyes signed to him that the EDB had been knocked off of the Flatbed in the battle.

"Dag!" said Stalker. "We've got a twenty mile search perimeter."

"I'm not getting the tracking signal either." said Roadblock. "It must've been damaged during the fight."

"Well, I suppose I could help you." said Willow. "In fact, you probably have the support of all of the Cannonballers."

"You know, that would be a good idea." said Stalker. "I look forward to your assitance. So, who wants some Yo Joe Cola?"

Willow and the Joes returned to the tanks as the cloud of Skat started to settle. Darden and Korpi walked into view just as the tanks drove off.

Feliz crawled out of the wreckage of the Flatbed and walked over to Darden and Korpi.

"What happened, you guys?" he asked.

Darden and Korpi just laughed.

XXXXXXXXXX

Team Banzai, the MIBs, and Ghostbusters came up on the monitor at race headquarters.

"We did it." said Brock. "Thanks to your help, the aliens have been defeated."

"Does this mean the race can continue?" asked Louis.

"Of course." said Brock. "The governments of South America have opened their borders following the aliens' defeat. The race will continue."

"There's more." said Mr. X. "We have deemed it necessary to reward you three for your efforts. If you want something, name it."

"I don't know if there's anything we want just yet." said Winston.

"Yeah, can we come back to on that?" asked Peter.

"Mr. X, Mr. Yates, I would like to discus something with you later." said Buckaroo. "It will not violate your restriction this year, but it might make it moot next year."

"Very well." said Brock. "And what about you guys?"

Mulder and the Men In Black were discussing something privately. They then faced Brock.

"Just one thing, Brock." said J. "Is Cool J there?"

"Right here, Agent J." said LL Cool J as he stepped in.

"Yeah, I was wondering if I could do a little duet witcha." said J. "Is that possible, K?"

"Hey, you only live once." said K. "Well, unless you're an Enialcam, that is."

"Hey, no prob." said LL. "Do you have a request?"

"You know 'Just Cruisin''?" asked J.

"Of course." said LL. "Alright, strike it up."

LL and Agent J took to the mic as the music started.

**Intro the maestro,  
nice flow,  
hot like nitro,  
cool as ice though.**

**That type of dichotomy,  
y'all know it's got to be.  
Who else could it be but me?  
Rub your eyes, but hold the big Billy.  
It's a dream supreme bean straight from Philly.**

**It's the eclectic female atractor,  
rapper slash actor.  
Right back at ya.**

**And to the next millenium,  
many come, but few are chosen.  
See me servin' like the U.S. Open.  
Another type of hustler listed at Blockbuster,  
go and ask a movie usher.**

**Who is he, he or she,  
SFP, movies, CDs, and TVs, but uh uh,  
'cause the day I take a break from that,  
as a rule where a tank of gas take me at.**

**I used to rock these red IROC-Zs,  
now I rock the MBs, with twelves and V's.  
Today, sun up high in the sky,  
from NY, la la, me to MI.**

**Just cruisin'  
Where, baby? I don't care.  
Just cruisin'  
As long as you take me there.  
Just cruisin'  
Somewhere to clear my mind.  
Just cruisin'  
Just cruisin'.**

**Easy wrote a sixty,  
flossing ninety degrees.  
Sony cartridges, 10 CDs each,  
Reach to the beach.  
South side leanin'.**

**It ain't often I'm off and I'm for the top down,  
drop down.  
Got me hot now, heated up, can't stop now.  
What up, cutie, what sure sure is cooking now?**

**Yo, I know.  
I'm spoken for, can't hurt lookin', no?  
Pop CDs, B.I.G's, and Tupac's,  
while cruisin' on the blocks,  
hitting the hot spots.**

**Got my celly on O-F-F,  
Golden arches got my belly going oh yes yes.  
So, let's ease on down, ease on down the road.  
No pager on my hip,  
as I rollin' in my whip.**

**'Cause today, I'm on the solo creek.  
Man, why you think I be workin' all week.**

**I'm just cruisin'  
Where, baby? I don't care.  
Just cruisin'  
As long as you take me there.  
Just cruisin'  
Somewhere to clear my mind.  
Just cruisin'  
Just cruisin'.**

**Just cruisin'  
Where, baby? I don't care.  
Just cruisin'  
As long as you take me there.  
Just cruisin'  
Somewhere to clear my mind.  
Just cruisin'  
Just cruisin'.**

**Sun setting in the S-K-Y.  
Must say I've had the best day, I tryin' to find an exit,  
a place to chill, not too hectic,  
so I can spend some time with Will,  
let the sun shine to the moonlight clearin' my mind.  
Soul search, see what I can find.**

**If I'm being the best lover and friend.  
Am I being the best daddy I can?  
I pray I am.  
And I feel good today.  
Reminisce as I'm cruisin' around the way,  
roll tight past the park where I used to play.  
Can't think of a better way to spend my day.  
Uh, still findin' my way.**

**Still growin,  
petrol rowin,  
move soon showin.  
Gots to get goin', losin' the light.  
And the freaks come out at night.**

**Just cruisin'  
Where, baby? I don't care.  
Just cruisin'  
As long as you take me there.  
Just cruisin'  
Somewhere to clear my mind.  
Just cruisin'  
Just cruisin'.**

**Just cruisin'  
Where, baby? I don't care.  
Just cruisin'  
As long as you take me there.  
Just cruisin'  
Somewhere to clear my mind.  
Just cruisin'  
Just cruisin'.**

-"Just Cruisin'" by Will Smith

XXXXXXXXXX

Butler drove the Crown Mail onto the bridge to Antarctica.

"Well, as soon as we're halfway across the ocean, the zombies should cease to...unlive, I guess." said Artemis.

"Will we be trying that again?" asked Butler.

"No, definitely not." said Artemis.

"What? Why?" asked J.D. "There were so many possibilities with them."

J.D imagined himself and a group of zombies on stage as a Temptations/Four Tops-style singing group. J.D. started to sing while the zombies moaned.

Back in reality, Artemis continued. "As you saw, the zombies didn't prove to be much help. Apparently, we didn't do the incantation correctly. We were lucky the flaw made them harmless instead of uncontrolable. No, we will not be repeating this mistake."

"Master Fowl wouldn't have made it this far without learning from his mistakes." said Butler.

"And I have learned from this one." said Artemis. "So, on to Antarctica?"

"On to Antarctica." said J.D.

John Parker watched the Crown Mail drive across the bridge on the monitor in his spaceship. He then sat back and said "So what? Big deal."


	9. Snowstorm

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Chapter Nine: Snowstorm

AN:Sorry for the long, long wait. Hopefully, the quality makes up for that a lot.  
Luckily, I've already started work on the next chapter to alleviate my writer's block. I thought if I could clear my head of the stuff I was saving, it would make room for new stuff. In the process, I've probably ensured that the next chapter won't take as long.  
And so, I won't make you wait any longer.

The Amata Crescendo crossed the bridge to Antarctica. Hsu was driving.

"Not too much longer and we'll be in Antarctica." said Chan.

"Great, more research." said Hsu.

"Are you sure you should include Antarctica in your game?" asked Sushi X.

"Why not?" asked Hsu. "It's in the race."

"But it's a frozen wasteland." said Sushi X. "There's very little to look at."

"What do we have here?" asked Chan as they came to a gas station.

They pulled into the gas station and found the Citi Turbo and Knight parked there.

"And so, I'd like to return your teammate." said Homer. "I just want to say it was a pleasure having him."

"Thanks for returning him." said Michael. "He and B.A. are working on modifying the cars for snow travel."

"So, that's what they're doing." said Marge. "I saw the road the officials built, but I thought they were kidding about overland travel being optional."

Nearby, B.A. and Murdock were welding skis onto the Knight and Citi Turbo while Bart and Lisa watched.

"So, what was it like getting taken over like that?" asked B.A.

"It was like being shot up with novocaine through your entire body." said Murdock. "I could tell what I was doing, but I couldn't feel what I was doing."

"Girl?" asked B.A.

"Uh, that pretty much defined it." said Lisa.

"Coo-ool!" said Bart. "Rice rocket snowmobiles!"

"You know, you would look not too bad with a baseball cap grafted permanently to your head and roof shingles glued to your feet." said KITT.

"I wonder if Beverly Hills plastic surgeons ever have patients like this." said Murdock.

Shortly afterward, both cars took off across the snow.

"Hang on, guys!" said Homer. "Next stop: the South Pole!"

"Yay!" cheered Marge, Lisa, and Bart.

"Guys, I was wondering." said Michael. "Where did you get the material for those skis?"

Back at the gas station, an attendant stepped out of the office and walked around the corner. He froze in shock and asked "What the heck happened to my tow truck?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Darden and Korpi stood next to their new vehicles. "Nice to see DeMarco got us some vehicles that can handle the terrain." said Korpi.

"Thanks for the new wheels, DeMarco." said Darden.

"Keep in mind that you're only getting those for this continent." said DeMarco over satellite phone. "If you fail again, things will get rather detrimental for you."

"Okay, we'll give it our best." said Korpi. He closed the phone and turned to the Hunters.

"You know, I'm starting to think that DeMarco's auto insurance premiums are skyrocketing." said Joe.

"Yeah, I think this is all just a big insurance scam." said Max.

"If it is, DeMarco's sure working us hard." said Paul.

"Anyways," said Korpi "we've got the Rancher." He pointed to a red and white Blazer.

"Paul and Feliz, you get the Roadtrain." said Darden as he pointed to a massive diesel truck with a large brush guard.

"Joe and Max, you get the Landstalker." said Korpi as he pointed to a black Explorer.

"And Johnny and Lance get the Alien." said Darden as he pointed to a Nissan Pulsar GTI-R. The paint job faded from red to yellow and silver blades could be seen on the sides.

AN:The Alien is based on the Flash from San Andreas. I previously used the name Flash in the Qualifying Run and it seemed highly unlikely that the bad guys would be sequelizing a good guys' car.

"Okay, we've got our orders." said Korpi. "By that, I mean nothing's changed."

"Okay, let's get out there." said Darden.

DeMarco walked out of his mansion when he heard an engine approach. A few seconds later, Love Fist's famous limo pulled up in front. Tanner and Everett climbed out.

"Hey! You stole the Love Fist!" said DeMarco.

"Yeah, but I think you should stick to the front seat!" said Tanner. "The backseat smells like boomshine!"

"So, where's the prize money?" asked DeMarco.

"Yeah, about that." said Tanner.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Arizona, Nash and Joe met with the race officials.

"So, how are you doing, Inspector Bridges?" asked Brock.

"Okay, I guess." said Nash. "Little shaken by that rollover. How are things here?"

"We're holding up." said Brock. "Although, Slash is a little miffed. He bet on you guys."

"Oh, I guess we owe him money then." said Joe.

"What do you mean 'we', paleface?" asked Nash.

"Come on, I want you to compare notes with the security team." said Brock.

Nash and Joe met with the security team.

"Okay, what's been going on since we started the race?" asked Nash.

"Well, there was a break-in." said Danny. "Fortunately, they stole the explosives recovered from the Monstruo instead of the prize money."

"Of course, before that, they came in disguised as caterers." said Nessa. "They even stungunned Danny while trying to escape."

"Who are these guys working for?" asked Nash.

"We believe he's working for a Miami drug lord named Jimmy DeMarco." said Mr. X.

"I've heard of this guy." said Nash. "I was given information by Horatio Caine, an inspector with the Miami PD Crime Lab."

"What can you tell us about him?" asked Danny.

"Well," said Nash "actually, he's got a song written about him. Hey, Jezz. Why don't you guys perform that song for us? I've heard you perform it in concert."

"With pleasure, bubba." said Jezz.

"Hey, I've got a patent on that!" said Nash.

"Okay, boys." said Jezz. "One, two, three, four..."

Love Fist started to play through the opening to the song. Some time later, Jezz started to sing.

**Rat-tailed Jimmy is a second hand hood.  
He deals out of Hollywood.  
Got a '65 Chevy primered flames.  
Traded for some powdered goods.  
Jigsaw Jimmy, he's running a gang.  
But I hear he's doing okay.  
Got a cozy little job, sells the Mexican mob,  
packages of candycaine.**

**He's the one they call "Dr. Feelgood".  
He's the one that makes you feel alright.  
He's the one they call "Dr. Feelgood".**

**Cops on the corner always ignore.  
Somebody's getting paid.  
Jimmy's got it wired. Law's for hire.  
Gotta make it in the shade.  
Got a little hideaway, does business all day.  
But at night, he'll always be found.  
Selling sugar to the sweet,  
people on the street.  
Call this Jimmy's town.**

**He's the one they call "Dr. Feelgood".  
He's the one that makes you feel alright.  
He's the one they call "Dr. Feelgood".  
He's gonna be your Frankenstein.**

**I've got one thing you'll understand.  
He's not what you'd call a glamorous man.  
Got one thing that's easily understood.  
He's the one they call "Dr. Feelgood".**

**He'll tell you he's the king.  
Of these Barrio streets.  
Moving up to Shangri-La.  
Came by his wealth as a matter of luck.  
Says he never broke no law.  
Two time loser running out of juice.  
Time to move out quick.  
Heard a rumor going round.  
Jimmy's going down.  
This time, it's gonna stick.**

**He's the one they call "Dr. Feelgood".  
He's the one that makes you feel alright.  
He's the one they call "Dr. Feelgood".  
He's gonna be your Frankenstein.**

**Let him soothe your soul, just take his hand.  
Some people call him an evil man.  
Let him introduce himself real good.  
He's the only one they call "Feelgood".**

-"Dr. Feelgood" by Motley Crue.

"And basicly, that's who it is." said Nash.

"You're saying this guy was the inspiration behind that song?" asked Danny.

"That's about the size of it." said Joe.

"This guy is dangerous." said Nessa. "I think we should start trying to track him down."

"I agree." said Nash. "That's why I've sent a message to Inspector Caine detailing the situation. There's a raid on DeMarco's mansion scheduled for tomorrow."

"Love to see him brought in." said Danny. "I'm on my way to Miami."

XXXXXXXXXX

At a restaurant set up on Palmer Pennisula, Jaleel the Kid rode up and parked his motorcycle.

Nearby, a radio was playing. "Our Cannonballers are now in Antarctica. On the Palmer Pennisula, the temperature is a sweltering 40 degrees...below. Basicly, if you're not in a closed vehicle, you'd better take the necessary precautions to prevent frostbite."

Kid got off the Cohete and shivered. He sat down next to the hot engine and tried to warm himself up.

Marcus and Regis walked out of the restaurant. "You know, I think we're making good time." said Marcus. "If we keep up the pace, we just might win this."

"Good thing we ate." said Regis. "Hey, is that the Kid?"

"Yeah, I think it is." said Marcus. "Hey, Kid, are you alright?"

Kid jumped up and sneered at them.

"Hey, hey. Take it easy." said Regis.

Kid chased them off. They jumped back into the L.A. Cop Car, started it, and drove off.

Kid entered the restaurant and found Ford at the counter.

"Hey, Kid." said Ford. "You okay now?"

"Yeah. Yeah." said Kid. "Man, that was something else."

"Think you're up to that race we attempted in South America?" asked Ford.

"In this cold?" asked Kid. "I think I'll wait 'til Africa."

"At least here, we don't have to deal with alien parasites." said Ford.

At a nearby table, Hank Hill and his friends were talking with a group of workers from a local ice station.

"And so, that is why you shouldn't walk in the forest at night." said Bobby.

The people there laughed.

"Well, after this, it's on to the South Pole." said Hank.

"It's a scam, Hank." said Dale. "The South Pole is actually the North Pole. They labeled it like that to confuse the Nazis."

Outside, Mitzi and her girls watched the restaurant through binoculars.

"I count three teams of Cannonballers in the restaurant right now." said Kim.

"So, we take care of them here and now." said Mitzi. "After that, we can get rid of the rest of them."

"Wait, there's something wrong with one of those men." said Linda.

Inside the restaurant, the Cannonballers were still talking when one of the workers started to convulse and squirm.

"Musta ate the chili." said the chef.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Hank.

"I dunno." said one of his buddies. "Earlier today, he was attacked by some kind of weird creature."

"Somebody get this man some water!" yelled Dale.

"Hey, man, don't get dat dere man some water, get him some o' dat dang Pepto Bismol." said Boomhauer.

The man's chest started to pulse. Finally, a little creatue ripped out of it. Bill screamed and ran.

The creature ran off with Kid and Ford watching it.

"The race is on?" asked Kid.

"First to Enderby Land wins." said Ford.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Where's that shortcut you promised us?" asked Dominic.

"Wait for it." said Jesse. "There." he said as he pointed to two men, a tall, beefy guy wearing glasses and a dwarf. They were next to a T-bucket hot rod with skis and treads.

"I think I see where this is going." said Memphis.

Dominic pulled over next to the T-bucket. The three car guys climbed out.

"Dominic, Memphis, meet Tombstone," said Jesse as he pointed to the beefy guy "and Body Drop." he added as he pointed to the dwarf. "Body Drop's our shop assistant on 'Monster Garage'. And Tombstone, well, you know him."

Tombstone laughed. Body Drop gave an Ozzy salute.

"So, what do have for us?" asked Memphis.

"We have this." said Tombstone as he grabbed a large ski out of the T-bucket. "Using this equipment we rigged up, the Bestia will be turned into a de facto snowmobile."

"All we have to do is bolt them on in place of the tires." said Body Drop. "After that, she should drive like normal."

"So basicly, it's like what you guys did with that T-bucket." said Dominic. "The only difference is that the process can be reversed."

"Yes, that's it exactly." said Jesse.

"Hey, Jesse." said Tombstone as he lifted the other ski out of the T-bucket. "What do you say about a race across the continent?"

"Sure you're up to it?" asked Jesse as he and Dominic lifted one of the treads out.

"Definitely." said Body Drop as he and Memphis lifted the other tread out of the T-bucket.

"Sounds like a challenge." said Memphis.

"You're on." said Dominic.

XXXXXXXXXX

The New York Patrol Car pulled into the restaurant and Mahoney, Jones, and Walker climbed out. They found the Hank Hill Team and the other protectors already there.

"Okay, where's the rat?" asked Mahoney.

"Those two bikers saw it run into the freezer." said Hank. "Of course, that was just before they took off."

"What about the corpse?" asked Hightower.

"Oh, he survived." said Hooks.

The man the creature burst out of was wheeled out on a stretcher. "Can we not tell my wife about this?" he asked through his oxygen mask.

"You guys up for a little vermin hunt?" asked Mahoney.

"Tack's already on the job." said Flash. "You'll be working with him."

Fackler helped the paramedics load the man into an ambulance. Unfortunately, he slipped on a patch of ice and shoved the paramedic into the side of the vehicle.

"The eyewitness says the creature is a nasty little thing." said Flash.

Fackler helped the paramedic move the stretcher to the ambulance's rear doors. In the process, he stumbled and hit the other paramedic in the crotch with the stretcher.

"You saw what it did to that guy." said Flash.

Fackler helped the paramedics put the man into the ambulance. He then closed the doors as the first paramedic was climbing in and hit him in the head.

"Therefore, take caution." said Flash. "Good will hunting."

Jones and Walker entered the restaurant.

"Okay, let's go get that creature. Tack?" said Jones.

"I'm not ready yet." said Tackleberry from the men's room. A few seconds later, he said "Okay, I'm done." He walked out of the men's room in army fatigues. "Let's catch us some strange creature."

Walker made a pair of fists and Tackleberry had his submachine gun ready. Jones walked over to the door to the freezer and grabbed the handle. He looked to Walker and Tackleberry. They nodded.

Jones pulled open the freezer door while making a whirring sound. Walker and Tackleberry looked around, then Walker turned on the lights. They saw the creature had grown into a gigantic monster.

"You want to go for it?" asked Tackleberry.

"Are you freaking nuts?" asked Walker.

He signaled Jones to close the door. Jones closed the door while making another whirring sound.

A minute later, they got out of the restaurant.

"Did you find it?" asked Flash.

"Oh yeah." said Walker.

"How big was it?" asked Fackler.

"Do you measure to the shoulder or the head?" asked Tackleberry.

"Recommended course of action?" asked Mahoney.

"Nuke the place, bro." said Jones.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jesse Richmond shivered while Chester aimed a camera at him.

"Hurry up, it's freezing out here!" said Jesse.

"Relax and hold still." said Chester. "This won't take long."

"It better not take long or I won't have a problem holding still." said Jesse. "I'll be frozen solid!"

"Alright." said Chester. He took the picture. "There, ya happy?"

"Okay, let's go." said Jesse.

They got back into the Stadt and drove off. Chester checked the camera.

"That's odd." he said. "There's some kind of distortion behind you. Looks like there's heat rising."

"Oh, there was no heat rising! I'll tell you that now!" said Jesse.

Back where the picture was taken, the distortion started to move. It then undistorted into a strange creature. The creature checked its arm readout and looked off into the distance.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Lusso XT had pulled into the diner. J was interviewing the victim of the chestbursting while K did a spectral analysis.

"Not magenta." mumbled K. "Anything but magenta."

J and Mulder walked over to him. "What's up?" asked Mulder.

"Look what it is." said K as he showed them the spectral analyzer.

"Oh, hell no!" said J.

"What? What?" asked Mulder.

"According to this, we're dealing with a Predator." said K. "We're talking about a master hunter with cloaking abilities, very powerful weapons, and a nuclear bomb strapped to its arm."

"I'd hate to see what weapon it used to rip into that guy's chest." said J.

"Describe the injury." said a very stunned K.

"It looked like something was inside his chest, then tore right out of it." said J.

"You mean like this could?" asked K as he showed him a picture on his scanner.

J looked at the picture and got scared. He went to the next picture. It showed the creature Walker and Tackleberry found in the freezer. "There's no way my luck is that bad." he muttered.

"What is it?" asked Mulder.

"It's what we refer to as a Xenomorph." said J. "It's very fast, very strong, and naturally armored. And you know how it causes injuries like this?"

"I'm going to regret asking this, but how?" asked Mulder.

"It lays eggs in your chest, then they hatch and the offspring rips out quickly." said K.

"The truth really is out there." said Mulder. "Anything else I should know about them?"

"Yes, these are both extremely dangerous species of alien," said K "and we pretty much let them do whatever the hell they damn well please."

"Back to the car." said J.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else, the Torque JX navigated the roadway. Chen drove while Kobe cooked in the backseat.

"(So, Iron Chef Kobe, what dish are you preparing today?)" asked Kaga.

"(I am making a fine lasagna with a nice pesto sauce.)" said Kobe. "(And it is finished now.)"

"Arigato." said Kaga.

"(Chef Chen, your lasagna.)" said Kobe as he handed a dish to him. "(Chairman Kaga, yours.)" he said as he handed another to Kaga. "(And mine.)" said Kobe as he started to cut into the lasagna.

A school of penguins started to cross the road. Chen let out a yelp and hit the brakes. The Torque JX slid to a stop and Kobe dropped his lasagna onto the floor.

"(Sorry about that.)" said Chen.

"(Wasn't there an American movie about this?)" asked Kaga.

"(Yes, I think there was.)" said Kobe.

The Karuma pulled alongside. Wayne and Garth were in the front. Wayne had his window down and had Chen do the same.

"Pardon me," said Wayne in a snooty voice "would you have any Grey Poupon?"

He and Garth started to laugh as he rolled up his window.

"But of course." said Kaga as he picked up a jar of Grey Poupon and tossed it to Wayne. The jar smashed when it hit the window, scaring them.

"(Actually, Chairman, I believe he was doing a parody of a popular American commercial.)" said Kobe.

"(Well, so were we.)" said Kaga.

Wayne and Garth stared at the mustard oozing down the window.

"Don't worry, guys." said Dylan. "Just rub it off with some hot dogs."

"Actually, that's Grey Poupon." said Natalie. "Use really expensive hot dogs."

XXXXXXXXXX

Malcolm drove the Fripon X through Antarctica.

"I really don't remember much about being an alien zombie." he said. "And frankly, I'm okay with that."

"Hey, Malcolm, what happened back there?" asked Francis.

"Well, essentially," said Malcolm "these parasites that were inside our heads gave off some powerful hormones as excrement."

"You mean they were peeing in our brains?" said Reese. "These were some pretty cool aliens."

"Well, I know it sounds that way, Reese." said Malcolm. "But you have to realize that these aliens were about to take over the world if we hadn't intervened."

"Well, you're always complaining about how stupid the world is." said Francis. "Why wouldn't you want to be part of an invasion force?"

"Well, Francis." said Malcolm before he looked out the side window. The Interna was passing them. Beavis was driving while Butthead kneeled on the trunk with his tongue stuck to the roof.

"As I was saying," said Malcolm "if I were to conquer the world, I'd remake it how I see fit. That's a vision that would most likely not mesh with their vision."

"Huh?" said Reese.

"Never mind." said Malcolm.

XXXXXXXXXX

_**Joel and Fearless**_

The Majestic drove into Antarctica.

"Where are we supposed to go?" asked Joel.

"Somewhere around here." said Fearless. "There."

Joel pulled over. Nearby, a '32 Ford Model A hot rod was parked. DeVille was leaning against it.

"Hey, Coop, what's up?" asked Fearless as he climbed out of the car.

"After the incidents, I decided it was time to get involved myself." said DeVille. "Also, one of the Cannonballers tried to hack our computers."

"Are you sure it was a Cannonballer?" asked Joel.

"He left a signature." said DeVille. "He's an agent of the Foundation for Law And Government. We're going after him regardless."

"Nice wheels." said Fearless.

"Thanks, we call it the Hotknife." said DeVille. "It was confiscated from a Russian Mafioso. It's all mine now. So, any intel?"

"Just this." said Joel as he handed DeVille his notepad.

DeVille handed him a new one. "Thanks, we need to keep doing this." he said. "Only now, I'm here."

"Great." said Fearless. "Nice to be working with you."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Super Taxi drove through the frozen wasteland. Stanley was driving and Alanis Morrisette's "Ironic" was playing on the radio.

"He waited his whole damn life...to take that flight." sang Kuni.

"And as the plane crashed down, he thought 'Well, isn't this nice?'" sang George.

"And isn't it ironic?" sang Stanley. "Don't you think?"

"It's like rai-e-ain...on your wedding day!" sang George as he rolled down the window and climbed onto the door. He held onto the handle above the window. "It's a free ri-ide...when you've already paid! It's the good advice..." he sang when suddenly, the handle broke off. George flailed his arms in an attempt to regain his balance. He failed and fell headfirst into the snow.

Stanley stopped the car and he and Kuni went back to pick up George.

"Let's not mention this to anyone." said George as he was pulled out of the snow.

Not far away, Yuri and his army watched this.

"Are you sure these guys are a threat?" asked one of his lieutenants.

"The tall one with the goofy teeth is resistant to my powers." said Yuri. "I must not only remove him as a threat, but also discover the cause of his immunity."

Suddenly, everyone heard Tears For Fears' "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" playing. Yuri answered his cell phone.

"Yes?..Good...I'll be there." He hung up his phone. "We've found another team of Cannonballers who were responsible for the damage in our headquarters. They will be dealt with."

The Vortex 5 raced down the road. Inside, Jarod tried rubbing his hands to keep warm.

"Well, those guys definitely removed the heater to improve performance." he said.

As he drove, Johnny 5 used his laser on a coffee mug. He then turned it off and handed the mug to Jarod.

"What's this?" asked Jarod.

"It's something humans like to drink when it's cold." said Johnny 5. "It's called hot chocolate."

Jarod took the mug and sipped it. "Mmmm, not bad." he said.

"I thought you'd like it." said Johnny 5.

Jarod took another sip. "You know what would go great with this?" he asked. "Marshmallows."

XXXXXXXXXX

Buffy drove through Antarctica in the Torrida. Xander was at her side. Both looked rather guilty.

"I think it's sure thing Willow's never gonna talk to us again." said Xander.

"I don't know." said Buffy. "We forgave her after her takeover by the Bezoar...and her alternate universe vampire self...and her turn to the dark side. Anyway, the least she can do is return the favor."

Buffy checked the rearview and saw a large white and gray machine behind them. It looked like a cross between a tank and a large snowmobile. She watched as it pulled alongside them.

She then noticed who was in and on the vehicle. Willow was riding one of the running boards, Stalker was driving, Snake Eyes was riding shotgun, Roadblock was manning the gun station, and Gung Ho was in the turret. All of them were wearing cold weather gear...except Gung Ho who was not only wearing the exact same thing from South America, but also had his jacket open.

"Thanks, guys." said Willow as she jumped to the Torrida.

"Good luck in the race." said Roadblock.

"Good luck recovering that weapon. Yo Joe!" she replied.

Willow climbed through the Torrida's sunroof and climbed into the backseat. "So, what did I miss?" she asked.

Buffy smiled. "Just the usual." she said.

XXXXXXXXXX

Richard and Larry cruised through Antarctica.

"Walking in my winter underwear." sang Larry to the tune of "Winter Wonderland".

"Nice and cold out there." said Richard.

"Yeah, hope it's good enough for Bernie." said Larry.

Bernie sat on the roof and said " ."

They cut around the Hotknife. "Ah, my first Cannonballer." said DeVille.

He took off after the Ascent.

"Damn." said Richard as he pulled over.

The two cars pulled over and their occupants climbed out.

"Look, officer." said Larry. "I can explain everything."

"Save it, pal." said DeVille. "I've heard them all."

"Well, you probably haven't heard this one." said Richard.

"Try me." said DeVille.

"Okay, when we heard the Cannonballers were heading to Antarctica," said Larry "we just had to come along to see what the place was like. Of course, Bernie here had to see the area as we drove through and decided to watch from the roof."

"That's when we noticed the temperature dropping." said Richard. "After that, we decided to get going on to the South Pole gas station to keep him from freezing to death."

"You know, you're right." said DeVille. "I haven't heard that one before."

"Yeah, we thought you hadn't." said Larry.

"Well, you can keep going to the South Pole." said DeVille. "However, you have to take Bernie off of the roof and put him in the passenger compartment with you."

"Okay." said Richard.

They lifted Bernie off the roof and carried him to the rear door. Bernie tumbled over on top of Larry.

"Uh, did we mention that Bernie was drunk when he got up there?" asked Larry.

"Yeah, he does seem dead drunk to me." said DeVille.

"You could say that." said Richard.

XXXXXXXXXX

Artemis drove the Crown Mail through the countryside.

"I think we might be not far from completely unexplored wilderness." said Artemis. "In fact, humanity may not have crested the mountains to our left."

"Then, how did they build this road?" asked Butler.

"Good point." said Artemis. He noticed J.D. looking out the window. "I wonder what Dr. Dorian is thinking about."

J.D. looked out the window and imagined a giant castle made of snow. Turk, Elliott, and Dr. Cox stood outside.

"John!" yelled Elliott.

"Yo, J.D!" yelled Turk.

"Sarah, are you going to leave us out here?" yelled Cox.

Just then, J.D. opened the door while wearing a bathrobe. "Ah, welcome to the ultimate snow fort." he said. "It's all mine, too."

He popped back into reality and glanced at the rearview. "Um, Artemis, are those motorcycles on our side?" he asked.

"No, and I think we should prepare for battle." said Artemis.

Mitzi and her girls raced up behind the Crown Mail. "Tally ho!" she called.

"Okay, men, prepare to fight back." said Artemis.

"With what, sir?" asked Butler.

"Oh, good point." said Artemis when he saw the van had little that could be used for defense.

"Gate up ahead." said J.D.

"Butler, prepare to grab that pole." said Artemis.

"Yes, Master Fowl." said Butler as he leaned out of the window.

Artemis charged right into the wooden gate and ripped through it. After they did, Butler grabbed a pole next to the gate and broke it off of its mount.

Mitzi and her girls followed through the broken gate and Mia and Linda took a shortcut. Mitzi, Nichole, and Kim continued their pursuit.

"I've got the pole." said Butler. "What do you want me to do with it?"

"Hold on to it for a little bit." said Artemis.

"They're coming." said J.D.

Mitzi raced up behind him and pulled a gun. She tried to fire on J.D, but he pulled his head back into the rear window.

Just then, Mia and Linda came towards them. They too had their guns out.

"Okay, Butler." said Artemis. "It's jousting time."

Butler aimed the end of the pole at Mia. Mia aimed her gun at him. Before she could fire, he hit her in the chest with the pole, knocking her and Linda off of the NRG-500 and breaking the pole. The now riderless NRG-500 raced towards Mitzi and fell. She wasn't able to steer around it in time and hit the fallen motorcycle, throwing herself from the FCR-900.

"Nice planning, Master Fowl." said Butler.

"Thank you, Butler." said Artemis. "Looks like I was right to trust your aim as well."

"Hey, guys." said J.D. "There's still one coming."

Nichole had steered around Mitzi and the disabled motorcycles. Now, she and Kim were after the Crown Mail. They pulled alongside the van and pulled their guns.

This time, it was Butler who saw a solution to their problem. He took what was left of the pole and thrust it into the BF-400's front wheel. The motorcycle was thrown into the air and landed in a snow bank.

"Nice!" yelled J.D.

"Very clever, Butler!" said Artemis. "You impress me greatly."

"I know. I know." said Butler.

A few minutes later, Mitzi, Mia, and Linda had gotten their motorcycles back up and found Nichole and Kim.

"Come on, we have to go after them." said Kim.

"Forget it, he got away." said Mitzi.

"I don't think we can fix this." said Linda when she saw the BF-400. The bike was a complete wreck.

"Wait, there's something in here." said Nichole.

The girls then dug into the snow. Within a few minutes, they uncovered a '58 Plymouth Fury. The thing was in pretty good shape.

"Now, who would leave a perfectly good classic car out here?" asked Mia.

"I have no idea." said Mitzi. "If we can get this thing running, we have your new transportation."

"Are you sure about that?" asked Linda. "There's something about it that gives me the creeps."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Turtles parked by the side of the road with the hood of the Cocotte up.

"Donatello, how did the engine ice over?" asked Leonardo.

"My fault, guys." said Donatello. "I added extra water to the radiator to compensate for the heat in South America and it froze."

"Well, thanks to you, I've got to de-ice the engine." said Raphael as he whacked away on the ice with his sais.

"Totally bogus, Donatello." said Michaelangelo.

"Hold it, guys." said Leonardo.

"What's going on?" asked Raphael.

"There's something here." said Leonardo.

Just then, the Predator faded into view. He looked at the Turtles and took a defensive stance.

"What is that thing?" asked Donatello as he took out his bo staff.

"I don't know, but he ripped off Shredder's costume design." said Raphael.

"Turtles fight with honor!" called Leonardo as he drew his katanas.

He rushed at the creature ready to strike. The Predator just grabbed him by his belt and held him up.

"Go, green machine!" yelled Raphael. He too charged at the Predator with both sais up. The creature picked him up and forced him against the wall.

Michaelangelo approached with his nunchucks still in their sheaths.

"Michaelangelo, what are you doing?" asked Donatello.

"Watch!" said Michaelangelo. He extended all four fingers and said "Peace, dude!"

The Predator looked at him oddly.

"Raphael, holster your weapons." said Leonardo as he sheathed his swords.

"I think Michaelangelo's got the right idea for once." said Raphael as he returned his sais to his belt.

The Predator looked at them and released them.

"See? He's got no beef with us." said Michaelangelo.

"That's good." said Raphael. "Because he could have easily kicked our shells."

"Uh, what brings you here?" asked Leonardo.

The Predator just looked at him strangely and showed him his arm readout.

"This could take a while." said Donatello as he looked at it.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So, Gonzo wanted a daredevil rematch after what happened in Korea." said Kermit as he stood next to the Modicum XSV.

"I understand." said Fuji. "We will have this rematch here and now. What are you going to do?"

"Pay attention, because I'm not repeating this!" said Gonzo. "Animal takes off in the Modicum XSV and pulls me behind him. I'll be on this sled and I will try to jump the upcoming ravine. What about you?"

"Okay, we never got around to barefoot waterskiing in South America." said Super Dave. "So, I guess we'll just give this a try. I'll use this snowboard to slide along while being pulled by the Allarde. Before I get to the ravine, I will attempt to perform as many skateboard type tricks on the snowboard as I can. Are you ready?"

"I'm all set." said Gonzo. "Go for it, Animal, but don't go too fast."

"Don't what?" asked Animal.

"Go too fast." said Gonzo.

"NITRO!" yelled Animal. He floored the accelerator and tore off quickly.

"Wait, not so faaaaaaaassssstttttt!" yelled Gonzo as he was yanked right off of the sled and dragged behind the Modicum.

"I guess it's my turn." said Super Dave.

He stood behind the Alarde and strapped on a snowboard. Fuji was in the driver's seat. "Ready, Super?" he asked.

"All set, Fuje." said Super Dave.

Fuji started to drive. Super Dave held onto the spoiler and was pulled along.

He steered to the right and ramped up onto the side of a snowy slope. After executing a spin, he brought it back down. He then let go of the spoiler and drifted a little, then grabbed onto it again.

He then ramped off a snowdrift and did a handstand on the spoiler. Five seconds later, he brought it back down and did a 180-degree turn. He then slid up onto the wall to his left and did a grind on the wall.

Finally, he jumped the board off of a small hill and landed it on the spoiler. He balanced for ten seconds, then jumped off and grabbed the spoiler again.

His stunt finished, he let go with his right hand and gave a thumbs-up. Two seconds later, he hit a mogul and fell face-first into the snow...at a hundred miles per hour.

"I hope they don't have any fillings." said Fozzie.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky, Wario and his team had gone to bed. However, Wario got hungry in the middle of the night. He made his way to the kitchen and looked into the refrigerator. However, there was very little to find inside.

Wario picked up a bag that read "Dead lizard. Do not eat." on it and looked into it. He then closed it and said "I don't know what I was expecting."

He stuck it back in the refrigerator and started looking again. His eyes widened when he saw a loaf of bread on a lower shelf.

He picked up the bread and took it to the table, then started eating it. Just then, Bowser and Waluigi came downstairs.

"Couldn't sleep either, huh?" asked Bowser.

"Too hungry." said Wario.

Waluigi went to the refrigerator and opened it. "Hey, where's my bread mold experiment?" he asked.

Wario got sick and started spitting out the bread into the garbage pail.

"You ate my bread mold experiment?" asked Waluigi.

"Well, put yourself in my place!" said Wario. "I was hungry and the only other thing in the fridge was a dead lizard in a bag."

"You didn't eat that, did you?" asked Bowser. "I only have six days to return it for a full refund."

"Make a note." said Wario. "Tomorrow, we go shopping."

XXXXXXXXXX

"What exactly did I do back in South America?" asked Annie.

"Apparently, you got intimate with me." said James.

"You did not!" said Oakley.

"We've got pictures." said Jessie. She handed them over as she drove.

"Well, you have to remember we were under the influence of alien parasites at the time." said Oakley.

"Wait, there's no way to tell who the person other than James in this picture is." said Meowth.

"Oh, that's me." said Annie. "I totally made out with him."

The Rancher fell in behind them.

"Uh oh, we've got company." said Jessie.

"I don't believe this." said Korpi. "It's Team Rocket."

"This should be easy." said Darden.

"Maybe we should call for protection." said James.

"From who?" asked Annie. "The other Cannonballers hate our guts and we haven't seen that cute guy on the motorcycle in a long time."

"Maybe we can use our Pokemon." said James. "Just like in Texas. Right, Jessie?"

Jessie was lost in thought. "Huh? Oh, sorry." she said. "Just thinking of cute guys on motorcycles."

"Just a little closer now and..." said Darden as he tried to aim.

Suddenly, the Cohete and Monsoni raced around him and swerved in front of him.

"What the...!" yelled Korpi.

"Come on, Rockets!" yelled Kid. "Move out of the way!"

"Let the faster ones through!" said Ford.

"Get those crotch rockets out of my shot!" yelled Darden.

"What do you have?" asked Jessie.

"Charmander." said Annie.

"Squirtle." said Oakley.

"Didn't you bring any decent ones when you left the house?" asked James.

Finally, the Cohete and Monsoni cut around the Piranha PDQ and continued.

"Now, they're mine." said Darden.

The Piranha's rear hatch opened and Annie and Oakley leaned out with a Pokeball each.

"I choose you, Charmander!" called Annie.

She threw her Pokemon and Charmander popped out.

"What the hell is that?" asked Korpi.

Charmander blew fire across the front of the Rancher. However, it failed to do any damage.

"He missed." said Meowth.

"Did he?" asked Annie.

The ice shelf next to the road started to fall apart. Korpi tried to outrun it, but the chunks of ice started to hit the Rancher on the roof.

"He's going to make it." said James.

"Not just yet." said Oakley as she threw her Pokeball. "I choose you, Squirtle!"

Squirtle popped out of the Pokeball and sprayed water on the Rancher. In the frigid Antarctic air, the water froze instantaneously. In short order, the SUV was buried in ice blocks.

"Nice move." said Annie.

"I thought so." said Oakley.

"And you thought they weren't good choices." said Meowth.

"Go play with a mouse." said James.

The Rancher started to pull itself out of the ice pile.

"Four wheel drive, nothing like it." said Korpi.

XXXXXXXXXX

Matt drove the Boost through the frozen wasteland. "We'll be reaching the South Pole soon." he said. "As soon as we get there, we can stop for gas."

"Sounds good." said Gloria glumly.

"Something wrong?" asked Bruce.

"I was just wondering about my teammates from the '87 race." said Gloria. "I wonder what they're up to."

"Who's that?" asked Matt. He slowed to stop next to a gray van with a Channel 6 sign on the side.

"I don't believe it!" said Gloria. "It's one of my teammates."

Matt parked and Gloria got out. "April!" she yelled.

"Gloria Baker?" asked April. "How long has it been?"

"Too long." said Gloria. "I was just thinking of you...and Scarlett and Lady Jaye too."

"Nice seeing you again." said April.

Gloria looked at April. "What is this?" she asked. "Are you still wearing your old racing uniform?"

"No, this is a completely different jumpsuit." said April. "I've got a collection of them at home. So, have you still got it?"

"Sure do." said Gloria. "I've driven my share of the route. You?"

"I got here, didn't I?" replied April.

"Hey, are you up to a little race?" asked Gloria. "First one to the South Pole wins? Oh wait, does that take you away from your story?"

"Are you kidding?" asked April. "That's where I'm going! I'd love to!"

"Alright!" said Gloria. "Are you going to be using that?"

"It's perfect for this terrain." said April. "Ready to go?"

"Sure." said Gloria. She returned to the Boost and Matt let her into the driver's seat.

"What was that about?" asked Matt.

"Just catching up on old times." said Gloria as she pulled alongside the newsvan. Within a few seconds, they were off.

XXXXXXXXXX

Corvax continued his navigation of Antarctica.

"It's kind of nice to be in this climate." said Corvax. "There's nothing but hot weather in the Middle East."

"If I recall, there's an artificial ski slope in Dubai." said the T-X.

"There is, but this is a nice change of pace from the norm." said Corvax.

Suddenly, the car shook violently. The T-1000 turned around to look.

"It's that black van we've been hearing about." he said.

"I guess I'll have to run for it." said Corvax.

The van hit them again. A warning sounded in the car.

"Oh no." groaned Corvax.

"What's wrong?" asked the T-1000.

"The engine's freezing over." said Corvax.

"That makes two of us." said the T-X.

"The engine's freezing, we're losing power." said Corvax.

The van hit them again.

"I've got it. The air conditioner." said the T-1000.

"The air conditioner?" asked the T-X.

"Of course." said Corvax. "It'll make the engine work harder. Maybe make it heat up."

Corvax turned on the air conditioner. The van hit them again.

"Come on." said the T-X.

The van went to hit them again, but they managed to pull away. The team cheered.

"Well, that...was...a..." said the T-1000 before he froze solid.

Corvax and the T-X looked at his frozen form bewildered. The T-X pulled back her fist, said "Hasta la vista, baby.", and punched through his head, shattering it.

"He'll be fine when we get to warmer areas." said the T-X.

XXXXXXXXXX

Joel drove an Antarctic road in the Majestic. "How hard can it be to spot a Cannonballer in the South Pole?" he asked. "Boy, do I have an answer for that!"

"Yeah, the Cannonballers are supposed to be using this road." said Fearless. "Where are they?"

Just then, the Boost and newsvan cut around them.

"Well, there's our answer." said Joel. He threw the car into the next gear and took off after them.

"Guys, we've got company." said Matt.

"No problem, this is a company car." said Bruce.

"April, we've got a smokey on our tail." said Gloria over the radio.

"I've got an idea." said April. "I'm pulling over."

The news van pulled over and the Boost contined. April climbed out. Joel and Fearless climbed out as well.

"Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" asked Fearless.

"Well, what's the speed limit through here?" asked April.

Joel and Fearless tried to think of what it was, only to realize there wasn't one.

"Look, just give us your license and registration, please." said Joel.

"Okay." said April as she unzipped her jumpsuit and took out her license.

Joel and Fearless got themselves an eyeful.

"Well, you are obviously in a hurry." said Fearless.

"Plus, it's pretty damn cold out here." said Joel. "We'll let you go before you freeze."

Joel and Fearless returned to the car. "You okay?" asked Joel.

"Yeah, good thing there's a lot of cold water where we're going." said Fearless.

April zipped up as she returned to the van. "One thing's for sure, the guy was right." she said. "It's flippin' freezing out here!"

XXXXXXXXXX

The Citi was parked at the side of the road. Sam and Woody were making snowballs and storing them in a cooler. Cliff was packing snow into another cooler while Norm watched.

"Could you explain what we're doing again, Sam?" asked Woody.

"Well, Woods," explained Sam "since we weren't able to mount weapons on the car and we don't have any weapons ourselves, we're improvising. Snowballs may seem like they're better than nothing, but with my pitching arm, they could be lethal weapons."

"Hey, Sammy," said Cliff "if you have any left over, can I have them?"

"Why is that, Cliff?" asked Sam.

"Well, this is Antarctica, Sammy." said Cliff. "There's no civilization, no polution. This is the purest snow possible. Therefore, think of the snow cones you can make. Right, Normie?"

"Right now, I couldn't care less about the purity of the snow as long as it keeps my beer cold." said Norm as he picked up a six-pack.

"Okay, time's wasting." said Sam. "Let's get back on the highway. Woody, you're driving."

Cliff and Norm climbed into the backseat, Woody got into the driver's seat, and Sam took the front passenger seat.

"Hey, Cliff, is that snow good to eat?" asked Norm as he opened a beer can and prepared to pour it into a glass.

"Let me check." said Cliff as he opened the cooler. He took out a small handful of snow and tasted it. "Not bad."

Woody floored the accelerator and took the car back onto the road. The violent motion caused Norm to drop his beer into Cliff's snow.

"Daggonit, Woody!" yelled Cliff as he took the glass out of the cooler and gave it back to Norm.

"Whoa, sorry about that, Mr. Clavin." said Woody.

"Damage report, Peterson." said Cliff.

"Got a healthy dose of your snow in my beer." said Norm. "It's soaking it up like a sponge."

"Also got some of your beer in my snow." said Cliff.

Cliff and Norm looked at the snow/beer combination for a few seconds. Then, they picked up the beer-saturated snow, took a bite, held it in their mouths for a second, and swallowed. They then turned to each other and said "He-ey."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Jersey XS and Modo Prego continued to race across the ice shelf.

"Looks like the GBs are still in this." said Buckaroo.

"Of course, it's gonna take a lot more than alien parasites to take them down." said Perfect Tommy.

"I think Buckaroo is looking forward to this stage." said Peter.

"Why's that?" asked Louis.

"With this wide-open space, he can use the Hyperthruster without hitting anything." said Winston.

As the two cars tore across the ice, Joe and Max watched them race by in the Landstalker.

"They look completely oblivious to us." said Joe.

"Let's fix that." said Max.

Joe put the Landstalker into gear and drove out after them.

"Ah great, always trouble." said Sydney.

"Winston!" yelled Buckaroo.

"Yeah?" yelled Winston.

"Problem!" yelled Buckaroo.

"Oh!" yelled Winston.

The two drivers threw their cars into the next gear as the music started. Like in Australia, the off-road equipped Landstalker caught up with them on the rough terrain.

**Revvin' up your engine,  
listen to her howlin' roar.  
Metal under tension,  
beggin' you to touch and go.**

The Modo Prego raced down a road that was nearby. The Jersey XS and Landstalker followed them.

The road led to a military-like base with a group of empty hangars.

**Highway to the danger zone.  
Ride into the danger zone.**

**Headin' into twilight,  
spreadin' out our wings tonight.  
She got you jumpin' off the deck,  
and shovin' into overdrive.**

The two cars swerved around the hangars and raced for a tunnel in the ice wall. They entered with the Landstalker in hot pursuit.

Several construction crews in the tunnel jumped out of the way as the cars raced through.

**Highway to the danger zone.  
Gonna take you right into the danger zone.**

**You'll never say hello to you,  
until you get it on a redline overload.  
You never know what you can do,  
until you get it up as high as you can go.**

The cars raced through a construction site in the tunnel. The Jersey XS and Landstalker swerved around a wall under construction while the Modo Prego jumped through it.

The two cars raced down an ice tunnel which led to the surface. It exited onto an ice bridge.

**Out along the edges,  
always where I burn to be.  
The further on the edge,  
the hotter the intensity.**

The Jersey XS pulled in front of the Modo Prego just before the bridge narrowed to one car width.

Buckaroo signaled Winston and activated the Hyperthruster. Winston activated the Ecto Booster in response.

**Highway to the danger zone.  
Gonna take you right into the danger zone.  
Highway to the danger zone.  
Ride into the danger zone.**

The Landstalker started to catch up to them, but then the ice bridge started to fall apart. It finally stopped on a cliff.

**Highway to the danger zone.  
Gonna take you right into the danger zone.  
Highway to the danger zone.  
Ride into the danger zone.**

-"Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins

Suddenly, the bridge started to break up in front of the Jersey XS and Modo Prego. The Jersey XS made it across before it collapsed, but Winston saw the Modo Prego wasn't going to make it. He plowed on the brakes and the car stopped within inches.

Buckaroo deactivated the Hyperthruster and stopped on the other side. He climbed out and yelled "Hey, are you alright?"

"Yeah, good thing we got good brakes!" said Winston. "Don't worry about us! I see a way down!"

"Okay!" yelled Buckaroo.

XXXXXXXXXX

The newsvan made it to a temporary gas station set up at the South Pole. The Boost and Emu were already there.

"April, you made it." said Gloria.

"Would you expect anything less?" asked April as she put on a coat.

"How'd you take care of those guys?" asked Gloria.

"How do you think I took care of them?" asked April.

"Yep, you've still got it." said Goria. "So, what are you doing here anyway?"

"I'm supposed to be doing an on-the-spot report on the race." said April. "My crew is here, all I have to do is set up."

"Hey, Mike, it looks like we could be on television." said Tom.

"Ooh, let's go be that alien in the background." said Crow.

"Mmmm, okay." said Mike. He and the team walked over to get behind April.

XXXXXXXXXX

DeMarco had his big screen television turned to Channel 6. Reporter Vernon Fenwick was anchoring.

"The Cannonball Run is currently making its way through Antarctica." he said. "Currently on location (and no doubt freezing her butt off) is our own April O'Neil."

The action cut to April at the gas station. She was standing by the office while Mike and the bots stood by her.

"Thank you, Vernon." said April. "I am currently at a temporary gas station set up in the Antarctic by the race officials with one of the teams in the race."

"Hi!" yelled Mike, Tom, and Crow as he waved. Gypsy cheered while everyone else was yelling.

April laughed a little. "At this moment, we are at the South Pole." she continued. "From here, there's only one direction you can go."

"To Hell." said Crow.

April took a second to compose herself. "North." she corrected. "At this point..."

DeMarco ran into the room with Tanner and Everett behind him. "I can't believe this! I can't frickin' believe this!" he yelled. "The Cannonballers are running unimpeded, the Hunters have gone through at least twenty vehicles, and now YOU TWO have failed to heist the cash! I'm so mad, I could explode!"

"Just relax." said Tanner. "I'm sure the prize money is somewhere. As soon as we can find it, you can be sure we can get it."

"The race is more than half-over!" said DeMarco. "I can't take that chance! I'm afraid I have to do something else to ensure our victory."

"What's that?" asked Everett.

"I am going into action myself!" said DeMarco.

Tanner and Everett looked a little scared.

XXXXXXXXXX

"This is April O'Neil signing off."

The Cocotte pulled into the gas station as the news crew started to pack up their equipment. The Turtles and the Predator climbed out.

"April!" called Leonardo.

"Hey, guys!" said April. "Who's that?" she asked confused.

"Oh, this guy is an alien." said Donatello.

"No crap." said Crow.

"No, the dude's from another planet on a mission." said Michaelangelo.

"And what is that mission?" asked April.

"Uh, we haven't figured that out yet." said Leonardo. "We've got a bit of a language barrier."

The next car to pull into the gas station was the Bryanston V. Ben, Bernard, Sam, and Max climbed out.

"Hey." said Ben.

Bernard saw the Predator and quickly ran back to the car.

"Who's this guy?" asked Sam.

"He's taking a vacation from another planet." said Raphael. "He heard we had a decent rollercoaster."

Everyone heard a loud screech. They turned to see the Xenomorph on top of the gas station.

"What the heck is that thing?" asked Donatello.

"It's a threat." said Leonardo as he drew his katanas. "Turtles, fight with honor!"

The Predator hit a few buttons on his arm keypad and turned invisible. Everyone else stopped to watch.

The Xenomorph jumped off of the gas station and approached the Cannonballers. Before it got to them, something stopped it. The something turned out to be the Predator which decloaked while holding the Xenomorph in a choke hold. He then extended his arm blade and plunged it into the Xenomorph's chest. He pulled it out and saw it was dissolving.

"What happened to his blade?" asked Raphael.

"That creature's blood must be some kind of acid." said Donatello.

The Xenomorph clawed at the Predator and tossed him aside, then went after the Cannonballers.

"Lifter, on!" called Bruce. A series of yellow rings were broadcast from his mask and lifted the Xenomorph off the ground.

"Any ideas?" asked Sam.

"Is there an Edsel with rockets nearby?" asked Bernard. "Never mind. He won't fit in the trunk."

Bruce's Lifter mask wore off and the Xenomorph dropped back to Earth. It looked like it was ready to attack again.

"Now what?" asked Max.

Suddenly, a laser blast hit the Xenomorph from behind. It turned to see the Predator was firing at it with a laser cannon on its shoulder. The Predator fired another shot and the Xenomorph was knocked onto its back. After that, it ran off.

"Totally righteous, man!" said Michaelangelo.

"That was the scoop of the century!" said April. "Right, guys?" she said to her camera crew.

"Ready when you are, April." said her cameraman. She walked away groaning.

XXXXXXXXXX

One of Yuri's Floating Disks cruised over the frozen landscape. Yuri himself was on board.

"I have detected two of the teams that we seek." he said to the flight crew.

"Which two would those be?" asked the pilot.

"The one who's immune to my powers and the pair who disabled our Psychic Sensor." said Yuri.

"How will you be handling the situation?" asked the co-pilot.

"By pitting one team of nusances against the other." said Yuri. "Bring me in close to that Mazda."

The Floating Disk flew in closer to the Monstruo. Solid Snake's driving kept it about half a mile ahead of the Super Taxi.

"So, Ethan." said Snake. "What makes these tapes self-destruct after five seconds?"

"We use a hi-tech and highly classified...ah, what the hell?" said Ethan. "The tape is coated with a highly flamable substance that has a fuse right at the end of the message. When the fuse comes in contact with the player head, it triggers the burning of the tape."

"Have they ever put the fuse in the wrong place?" asked Snake.

"Yeah, once." said Ethan. "They placed it a little too early on the tape and it self-destructed before it could give out some vital information. Mission: Impossible indeed."

Behind it, the Super Taxi raced along.

"Well, that's it for 'Jagged Little Pill'." said George. "Any other Alanis albums?"

"I've got her follow up album." said Kuni as he stuck it into the CD player. "You know, the one with 'Thank You' and 'Unsent'."

"Oh yeah, I know 'Thank You'." said George. "I loved the video. Best video ever."

In the Monstruo...

"Ah, I've got a headache." groaned Ethan.

"So do I." said Snake. "It's almost like that Psycho Mantis guy is attacking me again."

"I...can't...I...must obey Yuri." said Ethan.

In the Super Taxi...

"And the truth is I actually knew Alanis." said George. "I dated her for a while when I was vacationing in Canada. We used to go to the theater and..."

"Hey, are those guys slowing down?" asked Stanley.

"Ay, something's wrong." said Kuni.

The Super Taxi caught up with the Monstruo and Ethan climbed out of the window and aimed his FAAR-7 assault rifle at them.

"Whoa!" yelled Stanley. He swerved around the gunfire as Ethan pulled the trigger.

"I've got a funny feeling he doesn't love us anymore." said George.

Ethan cleared a jammed shell from his FAAR-7 and took aim at the Super Taxi again. This time, Stanley hit the brakes just as Ethan fired. He then rammed the Monstruo and Ethan lost his balance.

Inside the car, Snake tried to clear his head. However, Yuri continued to use his psychic powers on him.

"Must...fight...him." said Snake. "Must!" He then looked to the rear of the cockpit and saw the coolant spray. "Looks like that Wildcat guy didn't take it like we offered." he said and picked it up. He then sprayed himself and shook off the effects.

Ethan climbed back into the car. "I need more ammo." he said.

"Here it is." said Snake. He then punched Ethan and knocked him out.

He then stopped the car and climbed out with his M4 Automatic rifle.

"What is he doing?" asked the pilot.

The Super Taxi stopped and Ethan climbed out of the Monstruo. Snake raised the M4 and fired. He started to chew up the Floating Disk.

"Fire back! Now!" yelled Yuri.

The gunner fired the laser cannon and missed three times.

"Why can't you hit him?" asked Yuri.

"I don't know." said the gunner. "Something's jamming my radar."

On another road running near the road the Monstruo and Super Taxi were on, the Crusero Magnifico drove along.

"Watch out for cops, Wile E." said Daffy. "There might be a few in the area."

"That's why we've got the radar disruptor on." said Bugs. "We should be fine."

"Retreat!" ordered Yuri. "We can't take too much more of this!"

The Floating Disk retreated. Snake put his M4 away.

"That'll teach Yuri to get inside my head." he growled.

"See? I told you guys there was a logical explanation." said George.

"Let's go." said Kuni.

"Sorry about the trouble, guys." said Ethan as he climbed back into the Monstruo while holding his forehead.

XXXXXXXXXX

Cate was behind the wheel as the Zender Alpha made its way towards the bridge.

"I've heard several reports that Yuri is back and looking for trouble." said Lara.

"Great, that's just what we need." said Chun Li. "More threats and especially one with a personal grudge."

The Alien came up behind the Zender Alpha.

"That's those girls who took part in the rescue of that Lomax guy." said Johnny.

"Yeah, let's show them we really appreciated that." said Lance.

Nearby, a pair of Yuri's Initiates waited and watched.

"Good, they're heading right towards the minefield." said one.

"Now, Yuri will get his revenge on those girls." said the other.

The Alien pulled alongsisde the Zender.

"Those are two of the Highway Hunters." said Joanna.

"Looks like Yuri's not the only one looking for revenge." said Cate.

"Watch me blow this girl away." said Johnny as he started to aim his gun at Cate.

As this was happening, Lance continued to drive along. Suddenly, he hit one of the mines Yuri left and the Alien went flying into the air.

"Cate, stop!" said Lara.

The Zender came to a halt as the Alien plunged into a pile of snow and came to rest on its wheels. Johnny and Lance climbed out shaking like leaves.

"Yuri and his men must have set up a minefield." said Joanna.

"Cate, can you get us through it?" asked Chun Li.

"Already on it." said Cate as she slipped on her sunglasses. She pressed a button on the rims until she activated the mine detector function.

She started to drive through the minefield slowly steering around the mines.

"How does she know where the mines are?" asked one of the Initiates.

"Can we fix this?" asked Lance.

"I think so." said Johnny. "After that, we can follow their tracks through the minefield."

"You want to tell Yuri we failed or should you?" asked the Initiate.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Victory raced through the countryside with a Lasher Tank on its tail. Normally, James would be leaving the tank in the dust, but he was on very rough terrain.

"This kind of reminds me of the time I tried to evade a Korean assassin on the frozen plains of Iceland." said James.

"How did you handle that?" asked Jaws.

"I got him to drive his car into a pool of water, then dropped a chandelier on him." said James as he dodged a shot from the tank. "His life ended there. I, on the other hand, will die another day."

Darden and Korpi watched the action from the Rancher parked on a nearby hill.

"Looks like another Cannonballer is toast." said Korpi.

"Sure does." said Darden. "Let's help them."

Korpi put the Rancher in gear and drove onto the ice field.

"If we can get this tank to lose sight of us, maybe we can shake them." said James.

"Why not use the Q Smoke?" asked Jaws.

"Oh, good idea." said James. "Haven't used it in so long, I forgot about it."

James switched on the Q Smoke and started to pull away from the Lasher Tank. Korpi drove into the cloud of smoke and quickly got lost.

"Oh! Dammit!" yelled Darden.

"I specificly asked for the non-smoking section!" said Korpi.

"Shoot him!" yelled the tank commander.

"I can't see him!" yelled the gunner.

James turned off the Q Smoke.

"I think I can see him!" said the gunner.

"Ready...aim..." said the tank commander.

Suddenly, the Rancher drove right for the Lasher Tank. The two collided and the Rancher flipped up onto the front of the tank.

"Let's get out of here before they kill us." said Darden. He and Korpi started searching for the door handles.

"Once he realizes he's got shells in that cannon, we're in trouble." said James.

"I have an idea." said Jaws. "Get me close to that ice block."

James swerved close to the ice block and Jaws grabbed a chunk as they passed.

Darden and Korpi climbed out of the Rancher and jumped to the ground.

"Fire one!" said the tank commander.

The gunner fired the cannon and the Rancher was thrown several yards.

"Ooh." said Darden. "I think we just have to repair the roof, patch up the floor, and straighten the suspension."

The tank ran over the Rancher and crushed it.

"Or we can just go grab a beer." said Korpi.

James pulled the Victory under the tank's cannon. Jaws was leaning out of the window holding the ice chunk. He jammed it into the tank's muzzle and climbed back in. James then started to make a break for it.

"Target sighted." said the gunner.

"Shoot him!" said the commander.

"Aye, sir!" said the gunner.

He fired the cannon and it exploded. The tank quickly filled with smoke and the commander opened the hatch to let it out.

"Smashing idea." said James. "Where'd you come up with that?"

"That's what those Turtles did in Asia." said Jaws. "They told me about it at the roadhouse in Australia."

"Heroes in a half-shell indeed." said James.

XXXXXXXXXX

Tanner and Everett were at a bar in Miami.

"I think there's going to be some trouble." said Everett.

"Ya think?" asked Tanner as he examined a poster titled "The Beer Molecule". The "atoms" were listed as the individual ingredients of beer.

"DeMarco's going to cause some major chaos and it's going to result in disaster. Typical." said Everett.

"I know." said Tanner. "We have to somehow intervene and accomplish the task before it goes too far."

"Uh-huh. How?" asked Everett.

"Let me think. Let me think." said Tanner.

"Hey, Jake." said the bartender. "Berkley had too much again. I need you to mop something up."

Tanner's eyes widened. "That's it. That's it!" he said. "I remember something from my research on the racers."

"What's that?" asked Everett.

"I'll tell you on the way." said Tanner. "Come on, we have no time to lose."

He and Everett ran to the exit and out the door. A few seconds later, Tanner ran back in.

"How much for that 'Beer Molecule' poster?" he asked.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Baja Buggy made its way through the icy wasteland.

"You should've put windows on this thing!" yelled Highway as he shivered.

"What are you complaining about?" yelled Max. "You're closer to the engine!"

The Buccaneer pulled up behind them.

"Uh oh, it's that psychopathic android again." said Highway.

"You wouldn't happen to have an EMP on you by any chance, huh?" asked Max.

"I left it in the truck." said Highway.

"Guess you'll just have to use this." said Max as he handed over his shotgun.

"Thanks." said Highway. He stood up and aimed the shotgun at the Buccaneer.

"Take him out." said Foyt.

"He's not Rockatansky." said the Warrior.

"Why do you have such a one-track mind?" asked Foyt.

"I am an android." said the Warrior. "I must follow my primary program."

"If you can eliminate him, you can get to Rockatansky so much more quickly." said Foyt.

"I'm saving my ammo for Rockatansky." said the Warrior.

"I've got him in my sights." said Highway.

"Uh, I think you'd better get back inside." said Max.

"Why?" asked Highway. He turned around and saw two of Yuri's Magnetrons right in front of them.

"Sir, we've spotted another Cannonballer." said the commander of one of the Magnetrons.

"Good, take them in." said Yuri over the radio.

"Any ideas would be greatly appreciated." said Highway.

"I'm thinking." said Max.

"Targetting the sand rail right now." said one of the Magnetrons' gunners. "And fire."

He fired his magnetic beam at the Baja Buggy. Suddenly, a missile swept into the area and got caught in the magnetic beam itself. The Magnetron pulled the missile right towards itself and the resulting explosion took out the magnet.

"Where'd that missile come from?" asked Highway.

"From them." said Max as he pointed to a large vehicle that looked like a cross between a large snowmobile and a tank.

"Hey, guys." said Stalker. "We thought you could use some help from us."

"Let's see how those guys like the Ice Sabre." said Roadblock.

The Joes turned their guns on the remaining Magnetron since the first was now disabled.

"Sir, we're under attack." said the Magnetron commander over his radio. "A military vehicle is defending the Cannonballers."

"Is it the Allies or the Soviets?" asked Yuri.

"No, it's G.I. Joe!" said the commander.

"G.I. Joe?" said Yuri. "Those guys make the Allies look like a boy scout troop! Retreat!"

The Magnetrons tried to escape, but one was knocked out in the attempt.

"Sir, we are under attack." said the driver of the other one.

"The Joes?" asked the commander.

"No, it's the guy in the Buick." said the driver.

The Warrior threw knife after knife at the fleeing Magnetron.

"What are you doing?" asked Foyt. "You're not doing anything to him and the Cannonballer is getting away!"

"He was after Rockatansky as well." said the Warrior. "Rockatansky is my target. MY target."

"You're a wild one." said Foyt as she watched the Baja Buggy race off.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ford and Kid raced along until they came upon several other teams parked behind a giant snow drift.

"No. No. No." said Ford as he and Kid came to a halt.

"What happened?" asked Kid.

"Massive snowdrift." said Tommy Vercetti. "Covered the whole road."

"Like, they're plowing us out." said Shaggy. "It's just another minute."

The Cocotte pulled up and the Turtles and Predator climbed out.

"Mama mia!" said Mario.

"Whoa, that thing is huge." said Sonic.

"Friend of yours?" asked Stone Cold of Nemesis.

"What's going on with this guy?" asked Raphael.

"He's looking at his wrist thingee." said Michaelangelo.

"It looks like he's tracking that thing from the gas station." said Donatello.

"What does it say?" asked Leonardo.

"I don't know, I don't understand what it says." said Donatello.

A loud screech was heard. Everyone looked to its source and found the Xenomorph looking them over.

"Holy shit!" yelled Tommy.

"Whoa, our friend's back." said Michaelangelo.

The Predator, the Turtles, Link, Tommy, and Max drew their weapons. Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Mario, and Luigi prepared themselves accordingly. Kid, Ford, and the Mystery Inc. team took cover.

The Xenomorph jumped into action. The Predator jumped towards him as well. The two aliens started slashing at each other with their claws.

"Should we help?" asked Luigi.

"Nah, he's got it." said Knuckles.

The Predator swiped at the Xenomorph, only to be hit back by the Xenomorph's claw. The Xenomorph pounced on him and tried to bite him with its tongue. The Predator grabbed it and shoved the Xenomorph off of himself.

"Two man enter! One man leave!" chanted Stone Cold. "Two man enter! One man leave!"

The Predator picked up the Xenomorph and tossed it against the closest immovable object, an ATV. The Xenomorph pushed off of the ATV and ran towards the Predator. The Predator jumped and drove both of his feet into the Xenomorph's chest (or what passed for one).

The Xenomorph jumped back up and tried to pounce on the Predator again. This time, the Predator grabbed it out of the air and tossed it to the ground. The Xenomorph then crawled away from the scene.

"Way to go!" yelled Donatello.

"He's not so scary now that we know he's on our side." said Daphne.

"Nice work." said Tommy.

"Hey, guys?" asked the snowplow foreman. "The road's almost open. We just have one more load."

"About time." said Max.

The Cannonballers returned to their cars and waited. The snowplow shoved the last pile of snow out of the way, then backed out of the road...revealing the Landstalker, Roadtrain, and Alien parked in front of them.

"Oh no." said Rob Zombie.

"Last dance." said Joe.

"Let's go for it!" called Max Campisi.

The Landstalker surged towards them. Meanwhile, the snowplow driver was trying to guide his vehicle back to its garage when the Xenomorph climbed onto the hood. He screamed and jumped from the vehicle, sending it rumbling towards the road.

"Joe, look out!" called Johnny over the radio.

It was too late. The Landstalker passed in front of the snowplow which slammed into it, shoving it into the snow bank.

Kid flipped down the visor on his helmet and yelled "Can't stop the bum rush!" He took off and focused on the strip between the Alien and Roadtrain. The rest of the Cannonballers took off after him and raced around the Hunters.

"Let's get after them." said Lance.

The Alien and Roadtrain turned around and gave chase. A loud THUD was heard on the back of the Roadtrain.

"Paul, what was that?" asked Feliz as Paul jumped off of the back and ran for his life while carrying the EDB. The Xenomorph was in his place.

"What are we going to do about that thing?" asked Stone Cold.

Nemesis roared. He then climbed out of the PT Phoenix's window and jumped over to the Roadtrain. Nemesis and the Xenomorph growled at each other, then started grappling.

"That dude has seriously met his match!" said Michaelangelo.

The Predator opened the rear hatch and climbed out.

"Looks like he wants to double team that thing." said Raphael.

The Predator jumped over to the Roadtrain and got in on the action.

"What are you doing?" asked Tommy as Max climbed out of the window.

"Lending him a little fire support." said Max as he took out his sniper rifle.

"Should we get in there?" asked Donatello.

"No, this is between those two." said Leonardo.

The Xenomorph tried to claw at Nemesis, only to get punched in the face. The Predator drove its claw into the Xenomorph's back, then pulled it out to discover the Xenomorph's acid blood started to dissolve it. Nemesis put his hand over the Xenomorph's mouth and thrust one of his tentacles through its head. He pulled it out when he discovered the acid blood was burning it.

"Can anything stop that guy?" asked Freddie.

The Predator tried to attack the Xenomorph again, only to be hit in the chest and knocked off of the Roadtrain. He landed on the Cocotte. He got back up and prepared his shoulder cannon.

Nemesis grabbed the Xenomorph and punched it a couple of times. The Xenomorph hit him back and knocked him onto the hood of the Roadtrain. The Xenomorph stood up and was about to pounce on him when Max started shooting at it.

The Xenomorph looked at Max, then a blast from the Predator's shoulder cannon hit it. The Nemesis used the distraction to return to the PT Phoenix.

"We have to find some way to defeat that thing!" said Tommy.

"Yeah, well, the bridge is coming up, so it had better be fast." said Max.

Dominic and Tombstone were already waiting at the bridge as the group approached.

"Those guys at the snowdrift really should've gotten some of these." said Jesse as he helped Tombstone and Body Drop remove the skis and treads from the 1971 Bestia.

"Maybe we can sell them to them next year." said Dominic.

"Hey, here they come." said Memphis.

"Hey, what's going on with those guys?" asked Tombstone.

"Oh no, take cover!" said Dominic.

The guys ran for cover and hid as the other vehicles approached.

"See you in Hell!" said Feliz. He steered it off the road and jumped out. The truck drove right into the ocean and sank quickly. The Xenomorph tried to get free of the water.

"Go ahead and say it." said Jesse as he looked to Body Drop.

"That ain't gonna work." said Body Drop.

The cars came to a halt and their occupants exited.

"Feliz, you alright?" asked Johnny.

"I think so." said Feliz.

"Hey, it's just a short dash to the bridge." said Mario.

"Yeah, and we're completely out of the woods." said Memphis.

"Last one there is a half-eaten chili dog." said Sonic.

"Not so fast." said Feliz. He, Johnny, and Lance had pulled out their guns and trained them on the Cannonballers.

"Not this again." said Freddie.

Suddenly, there was a loud screech. Then, the Xenomorph jumped out of the water and landed on the roof of the Alien.

"This guy's more persistant than you guys!" said Raphael.

"Let's get out of here!" yelled Lance. He and the other Hunters ran for their lives.

"Waste him!" yelled Tommy.

Tommy and Max started to fire on the Xenomorph with Tommy's M4 and Max's Pancor Jackhammer. The Predator joined in the fight by blasting away with his shoulder cannon. The Xenomorph twitched and twisted as it was blasted and quickly fell victim to the ordinance.

"Tommy Vercetti!" yelled Tommy. "Remember the name!"

"Wow, they didn't even scratch the paint." said Johnny.

"Looks like that's the end of the creature." said Max.

"Finally." said Rob. "That thing even scared me."

The Predator walked up to Tommy and Max and pulled something off of his arm.

"Hey, guys." said Ford. "It looks like he's got a present for you."

"It's a gift of honor." said Leonardo.

"For us?" asked Tommy.

"Thank you very much." said Max.

The Predator bowed to them and walked away.

"Okay, let's head to where it's warm." said Kid.

"On to Africa." said Velma.

The Cannonballers returned to their vehicles and drove for the bridge.

"Shouldn't we go after them?" asked Feliz.

"Good idea." said Lance. "Everyone into the Alien."

They turned to face the Alien. They saw that the Xenomorph had bled all over the car and dissolved it.

"It bleeds acid?" asked Johnny.

"It bleeds fast too." said Feliz.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Is it true that the extra-terrestrial menace has been removed?" asked Brock.

"It's done, finito." said Tommy.

"We heard you two are to thank for that." said J.J.

"I guess we are." said Max.

"Hey, Tommy." said Jezz. "If you have any musical requests, we'll play it for you."

"Well, you guys know what a big Judas Priest fan I am." said Tommy. "How about 'Turbo Lover'?"

"You've got it." said Jezz.

Love Fist took to the stage again. They started to play through the song.

**You won't hear me, but you'll feel me.  
Without warning, something's dawning, listen.  
Then within your senses,  
you'll know you're defenseless.  
How your heart beats, when you run for cover.  
You can't retreat. I spy like no other.**

**As we race together, we can ride forever.  
Wrapped in horsepower, driving into fury.  
Changing gear, I pull you tighter to me.**

**I'm your turbo lover.  
Tell me there's no other.  
I'm your turbo lover.  
Better run for cover.**

**We hold each other closer as we shift to overdrive.  
And everything goes rushing by with every nerve alive.  
We move so fast, it seems as though we've taken to the sky.  
Love machines in harmony, we hear the engines cry.**

**I'm your turbo lover.  
Tell me there's no other.  
I'm your turbo lover.  
Better run for cover.**

**On and on, we're charging to the place so many seek.  
In perfect synchronicity of which so many speak.  
We feel so close to heaven in this roaring heavy load.  
And then in shear abandonment, we shatter and explode.**

**I'm your turbo lover.  
Tell me there's no other.  
I'm your turbo lover.  
Better run for cover.**

-"Turbo Lover" by Judas Priest.

"So, any idea what this thing does?" asked Max.

"Got me." said Tommy. "I guess we'll figure it out."

XXXXXXXXXX

"What's this plan you have?" asked Everett as he and Tanner walked back to DeMarco's mansion.

"I'll tell you on the way to U62." said Tanner. "First, we have to get the Love Fist limo and...what the?"

They saw a SWAT team had gathered outside DeMarco's mansion. Horatio and Delko waited with them.

"SWAT team's ready, H." said Delko. "The information Inspector Bridges gave us should help us make a conviction."

"Then it's time to go in." said Horatio.

Just then, a taxi pulled up with Nash, Joe, and Danny in it.

"Inspector Caine?" asked Nash as he exited the taxi. "Inspector Bridges. We spoke on the phone."

"So what brings you to Miami, Inspector Bridges?" asked Horatio.

"We have a personal stake in Mr. DeMarco and we'd like to help you bring him in." said Nash.

"Only if he's tried here in Miami." said Horatio.

"Hey, we just want him out of our hair...so to speak." said Joe.

"And who's your friend?" asked Horatio.

"Danny McCoy, director of security at the Montecito in Las Vegas." said Danny.

"Really? Do you know Catherine Willows or Warrick Brown from the Las Vegas Crime Lab?" asked Delko.

Danny paused. "Catherine, no. Warrick we haven't seen in a few years." he said.

"Are you sure you're qualified for a raid like this?" asked Horatio.

"I was in the Marine Corps and did a tour in Iraq." said Danny.

"You might be a little overqualified." said Horatio. "Okay, let's go."

The SWAT team rammed their way into the grounds of DeMarco's mansion. Within a minute, they rammed their way into the mansion itself. The SWAT troopers spread through the mansion quickly.

Horatio, Delko, Nash, Joe, and Danny remained in the foyer.

"So, Inspector Bridges." said Horatio. "Do you know we have a guy on our vice squad who looks a lot like you?"

"That's funny." said Nash. "There's also a guy who used be on the NYPD who looks a lot like you."

"Inspector Caine, there's no one here." said one of the SWAT troopers.

"H, there's a note." said Delko.

Nash picked up the note and read it. "Dear good guys. I couldn't take the incompetence of my men any longer and have decided to take matters into my own hands. Signed, the bad guy."

"I don't believe this." said Joe.

"I can't believe we came all this way just to find out the guy isn't here." said Danny.

"Well, one thing's for sure, Mr. McCoy." said Horatio. "You were overqualified for this raid."

Somewhere between the mansion and the airport, DeMarco cruised down the street in a red '61 Impala lowrider. "Darden and Korpi think I can tolerate repeated screw-ups." he thought. "Let's see how they handle me and the Voodoo."


	10. Safari, So Good

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Chapter Ten: Safari, So Good

The Fripon X crossed over into South Africa.

"Well, guys." said Malcolm. "Here we are in Africa, the birthplace of man."

"Which man?" asked Francis.

"What about woman?" asked Reese.

"Never mind." said Malcolm.

"Hey, Malcolm." said Reese. "Isn't Nigeria in Africa?"

"Yeah. Why?" said Malcolm.

"Well, I've been getting e-mails from the wife of this Nigerian general." said Reese. "She keeps asking for my bank account number so she can hide her husband's fortune in it to protect it from raiders. After that, she's going to give me a big reward for my help. However, mom won't let me give out my number over the internet, so I have to deliver it in person."

Malcolm thought about Reese's plan for a second, then looked away. "I'd say no, but somebody that stupid doesn't deserve life savings."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Hope the rest of you are dressing lightly." said Max Campisi. "It could get really hot out there."

"Hey, after the world's largest freezer, I'm okay with that." said Korpi as they walked through Cape Town.

The Voodoo pulled up alongside them and DeMarco got out. "Hey, guys." he said. "Welcome to Africa."

"Hey, DeMarco's here!" said Darden.

"Hey, Jimmy." said a few of the Hunters. The others just said "'Ey."

"So, Paul, still have that EDB thing?" asked DeMarco.

"Right here." said Paul.

"Good." said DeMarco. "Let me show you to your new vehicles."

He led them to a small garage a block away. "Here it is." he said. "Check it out."

He opened the door. Inside were a yellow Chevrolet Cavalier, a red Mitsubishi Mirage, a white Volkswagen Golf, and a Saturn SC1 with a paint job in purple with blue lightning.

Feliz laughed while everyone else stared in shock. "That's funny, DeMarco." he said. "Okay, you can give us our real vehicles now."

"These are your real vehicles." said DeMarco. "Since you kept destroying my good stuff, I decided to give you my leftovers."

"Of all the..." said Joe.

"Watch it, pal, or you're walking." said DeMarco. "Okay, the Cavalier is called the Cadrona, the Mirage is called Bravura, and the Golf is called the Club."

"Ha ha ha, that is very funny." deadpanned Johnny.

"You know I love puns." said DeMarco. "Lance, what was it you called the Saturn?"

"We called it the Uranus." said Lance. "But we didn't intend to bring it with us."

"I bet you also didn't intend to wreck everything else you had." said DeMarco.

"Don't worry." said Korpi. "We'll try to get the Cannonballers out of your hair this time."

"Hey, we'd do it out of pride." said Darden.

"You'd better." said DeMarco. "Now go."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky, Wario and his team watched the race coverage on television.

"Welcome back, Cannonball fans!" said Schwag. "We're now returning to our coverage of the Cannonball Run. Big Schwag here with Frankie Whiteside."

"And coming up, we've got a musical performance from Better Than Ezra with Brad Turner." said Frankie.

Schwag and Frankie discussed some of the coverage that would be coming up.

"You know, this was a very good idea." said Waluigi. "It's very interesting to watch what's going on from the comfort of home."

"And the best part is we don't have to do any work." said Bowser.

"But right now, we have an in-car interview with Wario of Team Warioware." said Schwag.

"Uh oh." said Waluigi.

"I'm on it." said Wario. He jumped up and ran out to the car.

"Uh, we seem to be having trouble establishing a connection." said Frankie. A few seconds later, the screen behind him came to life and showed Wario driving like a madman in the Saikou XS.

"Hello." he said.

"Hello, Wario." said Schwag. "How's the race going for you?"

"Very well. Very well." said Wario as he made a turn. "I'm running through Africa right now."

"Really?" asked Frankie. "It's rather bright in your area and it's supposed to be dusk in South Africa at the moment."

"The problem must be on your end." said Wario as he made another turn. "You had problems connecting, right?"

"Uh, yes we did." said Schwag. "So, have you had any encounters with the police?"

"No more than usual." said Wario as he made another turn. A loud screech was heard.

"Hey, watch it, pal!" yelled a man with a southern accent.

"What was that?" asked Frankie.

"Oh, one of the locals almost hit me." said Wario.

"Sounded like a Tennessee boy to me." said Schwag.

"Kentucky, actually." said Wario as he made another turn. "Uh, he must be on vacation or something."

"Uh, you just made four left turns." said Frankie.

"I did?" asked Wario.

"You do realize four left turns is a complete circle, right?" asked Schwag.

"What? Oh!" said Wario. "That's the last time I try to navigate myself."

"Okay, you seem to have a lot on your plate." said Frankie. "We'll let you get back to racing."

The screen switched off.

"Pretty soon, we'll have some more action to be shown." said Schwag.

"So, tell us, Phil." said Frankie. "What do we have to look forward to?"

The camera cut to Phil Keoghan. "Well, Frankie, we've got Dr. Bunsen Honeydew coming up to explain the possible routes through the continent." he said. "We've also got a man who will be explaining the various wildlife forms the racers might encounter."

The camera cut back to Schwag and Frankie. "Thank you, Phil." said Schwag. "Right now, we've got that musical performance."

"So, ladies and gentlemen, Better Than Ezra with Brad Turner." said Frankie.

Kevin started in on his guitar with Tom following on his bass shortly afterward. Travis and Brad came in on drums and keyboard soon after that and they were off.

**So you think you'll take another piece of me.  
To satisfy your intellectual need.  
Do you want, do you want,  
action, action, action, action?  
Gonna bring you down 'cause you've been pushing me.  
You've got to recognize my superiority.**

**Liar, liar, liar, liar.  
You know you believed it.  
Higher, higher, higher, higher.  
'Cause I'm the main man.**

**And that's why,  
Everybody wants a piece of the action.  
Everybody needs a main attraction.  
I've got what everybody needs.  
Satisfaction guarantees,  
that everybody wants a piece of the action.**

**Oh, I was suicidal 'cause you was my idol.  
Baby, baby, baby, bring it to your knees.  
Oh, there was a time I would have walked the line.  
But you bled me dry with your insatiable greed.**

**Liar, liar, liar, liar.  
You know you believed it.  
Higher, higher, higher, higher.  
'Cause I'm the main man.**

**And that's why,  
Everybody wants a piece of the action.  
Everybody needs a main attraction.  
I've got what everybody needs.  
Satisfaction guarantees,  
that everybody wants a piece of the action.**

**Do you want, do you want action?**

**Everybody wants, everybody needs.  
Everybody wants, everybody needs.**

**Everybody wants a piece of the action.  
Everybody needs a main attraction.  
I've got what everybody needs.  
Satisfaction guarantees,  
that everybody wants a piece of the action.**

-"Action" by Sweet.

Phil walked in front of the band as they wrapped up their performance. "Thank you, guys." he said. "Pretty soon, we'll have those experts up to talk. Be sure to join us."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Miami, DeMarco's mansion was completely swamped with police officers. Tanner and Everett watched from a distance.

"How are we going to get the Love Fist out of there?" asked Tanner. "We're going to need it if we're going to pull off this plan."

"Maybe we need to get something else." said Everett. "Do we need the Love Fist for anything more than transportation?"

"No, we don't." said Tanner. "We just need to get there."

"So, let's find a different vehicle." said Everett.

"I know just the one." said Tanner.

Minutes later, they were cruising down a Florida highway in the Mr. Whoopie. Everett drove while Tanner hung out the door.

"So, where are we going for this plan?" asked Everett.

"Station U62." said Tanner. "There's something there that will give us a huge advantage in capturing a Cannonballer."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Zender Alpha parked at a convenience store in Swaziland. The Vortex 5 was already there parked next to a white Range Rover.

"Looks like Jarod got ahead of us." said Lara as she climbed out.

"Let's see how he's doing." said Joanna.

They entered the store and found Jarod and Johnny 5 engaged in conversation with someone.

"As much as I'd like to help you," said Jarod "I'm afraid I can't pick up skills that fast. I think there's another entrant in the Cannonball who might be able to help you, though."

"Just who might that be, Jarod?" asked Cate.

Jarod looked to them and said "Oh, she's here now. Lara, I've got someone who needs a hand."

A large red demon with horns filed down to stumps walked over. "Well, if it isn't the one and only Lara Croft." he said.

"Hellboy." muttered Chun Li.

"Who said that?" asked another woman who walked over.

"Ladies, I'd like you to meet Liz Sherman." said Hellboy. "She'll be helping us out in our mission."

"What mission is that?" asked Joanna.

"Somewhere in the middle of the continent is an artifact." said Liz. "This artifact is called the Falchion. It's a golden sword which, according to legend, allowed whoever wielded it to never be defeated in battle."

"Some really bad guys are after it and it would be really advantageous if we got to it first." said Hellboy.

"And you need an expert tomb raider." said Lara. "Sounds like a worthy diversion."

"Does that mean you accept the offer?" asked Liz.

"Indeed." said Lara. "What do you say, ladies?"

"I'm in." said Joanna.

"So am I." said Chun Li.

"It's unanimous." said Cate.

"Wonderful." said Lara. "And Jarod?"

"My answer is still no." said Jarod. "I'd like to have been able to help you, but I've got a race to run."

"Then, I won't hold you up." said Hellboy. "Good luck."

"Good luck to you too." said Jarod. He turned to leave, then walked back in. "I forgot what I came for." he said.

After Lara and her teammates got what they had come for, they returned to the car with Hellboy and Liz.

"So, where's your vehicle?" asked Chun Li.

"It's over here." said Liz as she pointed to the Range Rover. "We call it the Huntley."

"Oh, and there's one more member of the team to introduce. Abe?" said Hellboy.

A creature that looked like a cross between a human and a fish was sitting in the back seat. He lowered the map he was looking at and faced Lara. "Oh, you must be the illustrious Lara Croft. Abe Sapien. Nice to meet you." he said.

"Pleasure is mine." said Lara as she shook his hand. She looked at it slightly disgusted afterward.

"We are going to make a great team." said Abe.

XXXXXXXXXX

At a gas station outside of Johannesburg, an African tribesman walked in.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for transportation to Cairo." he said.

"I wish I had someone to take you, but the backroads are near impassable." said the attendant.

"Not for me, I know all of the backroads like my own family." said the tribesman.

"Nonetheless, I'm afraid I still have no one to take you." said the attendant.

"Thank you anyway." said the tribesman.

Just then, Memphis, Dominic, and Jesse came in. Memphis and Jesse were singing that "Sun City" song Stevie Van Zandt wrote to protest the Apartheid-supported hotel. The tribesman joined in.

Dominic went right to the attendant. "I need a map of the continent." he said. "Preferably, one that goes all the way to the north."

"I'm afraid I sold my last one." said the attendant.

"But we need one to get to the north." said Dominic.

"Where north?" asked the attendant.

"Morocco, Tunisia, Egypt, I don't care." said Dominic.

"Well, the guy who's singing with your friends," said the attendant "he says he knows this land very well and he needs to get to Cairo. If you can somehow convince him, he is sure to help you out."

"Really?" asked Dominic.

He walked over to the three singers.

"Hey, Dom." said Memphis. "Want to join in?"

"Maybe in the car." said Dominic.

"What do you mean?" asked Jesse.

"Buddy." said Dominic to the tribesman. "The three of us are taking part in a race across the continent. We have no means to navigate our way, but we understand you know it like the back of your hand. We also understand you have a need to get to Cairo, but no means to get there. What I propose is that you come with us and navigate while we drive to Cairo." He then made a fist and said "Me from America," then made another fist and said "and you from Africa," then knocked the fists together and said "power."

A minute later, the team was back on the road. The tribesman was strapped into the front passenger seat while Dominic drove.

"Gotta say I!" sang Jesse.

"I!" sang Memphis, Dominic, and the tribesman.

"I!" sang Jesse.

"I!" sang the others.

"I!" sang Jesse.

"I!" sang the others.

"Ain't gonna play Sun City!" sang Jesse.

XXXXXXXXXX

Larry was behind the wheel of the Ascent as he drove through Namibia.

"Well, except for that guy pulling us over, things are looking up." said Richard.

"Even Bernie is happy." said Larry.

Suddenly, the police scanner went off. "Attention all units, we have reports of several high-performance cars racing on the highway."

Larry grabbed the radio and said "Shit, we got cops! Hide!"

"Next exit." said Richard. "I can see they're all getting off there."

"Got it." said Larry.

Larry pulled off at the next exit. At the top of the off-ramp, he found the PT Phoenix, Schneller V8, Modo Prego, and Lusso XT parked at the side of the road.

"What the hell?" asked Larry.

"That's not a very good hiding place." said Richard.

Larry pulled alongside the group and yelled "What are you doing?"

"We're hiding from the cops." said Corvax.

"Guys, if he comes up the ramp, he'll see you!" said Richard.

"I told you." said Rob.

"Yeah, we gotta find a better place to hide." said J.

"Alright, let's split up." said Winston.

"I guess we'll meet up in...Cameroon?" said Larry.

"Sounds fine to me." said Stone Cold.

XXXXXXXXXX

Homer was behind the wheel of the Citi Turbo as his family drove through Angola.

"Homer, aren't you tired?" asked Marge.

"No..." said Homer who then added "...is what I'd like to say if I didn't have this nagging urge to close my eyes and nod off."

"We've been on the road for a long time." said Lisa. "Maybe it is time to pull over and rest."

"I second that." said Bart. "Plus, I think Maggie needs changing."

"D'oh!" said Homer.

"Hey, there's another team." said Marge.

"It's those meddling kids...and that mangy dog." said Bart.

The Citi Turbo pulled up next to the ice cream truck.

"What's taking so long?" asked Velma. "This was supposed to be just a comfort stop."

"Shaggy, I still can't believe you're scared to get back into the truck." said Daphne.

"Sorry, Daphne." said Shaggy. "Scoobs and I are having flashbacks to last year."

"Ruh huh. Ruh huh." said Scooby Doo.

"Hey, look who's here." said Freddie.

"Y'ello." said Homer.

"Is this a place for a rest?" asked Marge.

"Might as well be." said Velma. "Comfort stop got extended."

"Hey, we haven't talked since the roadhouse in Australia." said Freddie. "Maybe we should compare notes while we rest."

"Sounds like a plan." said Bart.

XXXXXXXXXX

Mario drove along the highway in Zambia.

"So, where's the turn off?" asked Luigi.

"It should be coming up soon." said Mario. "Ah, there it is."

Mario turned onto the northbound highway and raced into the night. Unfortunately, he was unaware that he had turned into the oncoming side of the divided highway.

Further down the highway, Sonic was behind the wheel of the RSMC 15.

"Nice night, huh?" he said.

"Yeah, just try not to rear-end anyone." said Knuckles.

Tails looked over to the other lane and saw the Saikou coming up fast. "Sonic, it's those Nintendo guys." he said.

"Yeah, and they're on the wrong side." said Sonic. He rolled down the window and honked the horn. "Mario!" he yelled.

"Hey, it's-a that hedgehog." said Mario.

"He appears to be trying to get our attention." said Link.

"Hey, paisan!" said Luigi.

"Guys, you're on the wrong side of the road!" yelled Sonic.

"Listen to this guy." said Mario. "He's going insane."

Link waved to Sonic and laughed.

"I'm serious, guys!" yelled Sonic. "You're on the wrong side!"

Mario circled his ear with his finger. Luigi looked at Sonic, then glanced down. He froze when he saw the guardrail between them and Sonic.

"Mario, I think he's right." said Luigi.

"What?" asked Mario.

Suddenly, headlights shone on Mario's face. He looked up to see a pair of tractor-trailers coming towards them side-by-side. Link and the two brothers screamed.

"I can't look!" said Tails. He turned away as Sonic and Knuckles practically turned white.

Mario maneuvered the Saikou between the two trucks. He barely made it.

Luigi screamed, then imagined himself turning into a skeleton.

Link screamed as well, then imagined himself turning into a skeleton.

Luigi looked over at Mario, then imagined him turning into the devil and laughing.

Then, they came out from between the trucks safe and sound. Mario, Luigi, Link, Sonic, and Knuckles let out a collective sigh of relief.

"You can look now, Tails." said Sonic. "They made it."

"I think we should go back to the other side now." said Mario.

XXXXXXXXXX

"This is a good night for a race." said Ethan.

"I'll say." said Snake. "Full moon's out, local wildlife is about, Hunters are on our tail."

"Persistant, aren't they?" asked Ethan as he threw the Monstruo into the next gear.

The Cadrona and Uranus were right behind him.

"Boy, these Cannonballers think they're so special." said Korpi.

"Surely, they know we're going to take them down sooner or later." said Darden.

"What do you think?" asked Johnny.

"I think it's party time." said Lance.

"How should we do this?" asked Ethan.

"If past history is any indication, anything should work." said Snake. "I was thinking we could use this flare gun this time."

"Sounds good to me." said Ethan.

Korpi activated the nitrous system in the Cadrona. They caught up with the Monstruo quickly.

"Here he comes." said Ethan as Snake loaded a flare into the gun.

"Supper time." said Snake as he pointed the flare gun out the driver's side window.

Just as he was about to pull the trigger, Ethan hit a bump and Snake fired the flare out of his window. It hit the road ahead of them and Ethan drove through the smoke.

"Sorry, that was my fault." said Ethan.

"Don't worry, I've got another." said Snake as he loaded another flare into the gun.

The Cadrona pulled alongside them again. Snake aimed the flare gun at them and fired. The flare shot right into the car's passenger compartment.

"Oh, now that's playing dirty!" said Korpi as the car filled with smoke.

"I think my pants are on fire!" said Darden.

"Why does that sound familiar?" asked Korpi.

"Alright, it's a pickup line I use!" said Darden as he started slapping his pants to put out the fire.

Korpi failed to notice a bend in the road and drove right off. The Cadrona hit the ground nose-first and flipped forward onto its roof. The Uranus was right behind him and ended up driving right onto its undercarriage.

As Johnny and Lance climbed out of the Uranus, Darden and Korpi slid out of the overturned Cadrona underneath it.

"Nice one." said Johnny. "You just wrecked our cars in the most suggestive manner possible."

"Shut it." groaned Korpi.

The Emu drove by while this was happening. Crow was driving while Gypsy, Tom, and Mike stared at the suggestively placed cars in surprise.

"Mike, what are those cars doing?" asked Tom.

"They're telling secrets, dear." said Mike as he patted Tom's head.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Come on, Dale!" yelled Hank as he drove through Botswana. "We're almost out of gas!"

"The next town is just over there, Hank." said Dale as he pointed straight ahead.

"Dad, there's a river in our way!" said Bobby.

"There's no way around it!" said Dale. "You're going to have to drive alongside the river until we come upon another town. Otherwise, you're going to have to drive through the river."

"We might not make it to the next town." said Hank. "Brace yourselves and prepare to get out and swim if necessary."

He drove the Jones J450 into the river and tore through the water. Some of the water splashed into the bed, waking up Bill and Boomhauer.

"Dad?" asked Bobby.

"We're going to make this!" said Hank.

The Jones J450 lurched up onto the opposite site of the river and pulled into a nearby gas station. The Cocotte and Stadt were waiting for them.

"Hey, guys." said Hank. "Anyone else ahead of us?"

"A few cars." said Jesse. "We were in a kind of group, but got left behind because we got the gas station too busy."

"Hear that, Boomhauer?" asked Hank. "You don't have too much catching up to do."

"Thanks for the info." said Bobby.

"By the way, that was quite an entrance." said Leonardo. "The rest of us drove across the bridge."

Hank turned around and saw a bridge a little bit up the river from where they crossed. He then glared at Dale.

XXXXXXXXXX

"And that pretty much covers what happened in Antarctica." said Bart.

"Our journey hasn't been too much less exciting." said Daphne.

"Hey, before we get back on the road, does anyone have a campfire thing? Like a story?" asked Lisa.

"Maybe something from our case history." said Freddie.

"I have one." said Velma. "Gather around and I'll tell you the story of the ghost with the metal claw."

"Ooh, that's a good one." said Shaggy.

"Reah! Rood one!" said Scooby Doo.

Down the road, the Amata Crescendo drove along.

"We've got a lot of great ideas, Hsu." said Chan. "I think we can start putting it all together."

"I'm not so sure." said Sushi X. "I mean this all sounds good to you two, but what about the players? What will they think?"

"I wish it were easier to ask." said Hsu as he drove. "We're in the middle of the Angolan grassland. The closest city is miles away. The only towns and villages around are tribal villages without electricity."

"Hey, there's a campsite set up." said Chan as he spotted the Citi Turbo and ice cream truck.

"It's those teenagers with the dog and that suburban family." said Sushi X. "Those appear to be your target audience."

"Let's ask them." said Hsu.

As Hsu pulled up to the campsite, Velma was finishing up her scary story.

"And then we checked the mineshaft, but the body was nowhere to be found." she said. "So, if you go out at night, beware of the madman with the metal claw hand."

Hsu walked into the campsite and waved his metal claw hand. "Hi, video gamers." he said.

The Simpsons and Mystery Inc. teams screamed and ran in terror.

Hsu looked around in confusion and said "What did I do?"

XXXXXXXXXX

The Vortex 5 crossed into Zambia. Jarod had his nose in a book.

"What are you reading?" asked Johnny 5.

"It's a book on archaeology." said Jarod. "I'm thinking we just might be called upon to search for this Falchion after all. I just want to be prepared."

Suddenly, the car was pulled off the road by something. Johnny 5 managed to stop it from going into a ravine.

"What was that?" asked Jarod.

"I think it was a powerful magnet." said Johnny 5. "I say that because I can't quite remember my name at the moment."

The passenger side door opened and Jarod was pulled out of the car. His assailant was wearing a Nazi uniform and a black mask. He held Jarod against the side of the car, pulled back his arm, and extended a blade from it.

"Easy, Kroenen."

Jarod looked at the voice. "Yuri." he spat.

"I see you've not joined in the search for the Falchion." said Yuri. "Perhaps you can join us and put your skills to good use."

"If I didn't decide to help Hellboy, why the hell would I help you?" asked Jarod.

Kroenen turned to him upon hearing the name Hellboy.

"So my friend Kroenen's old adversary Hellboy is in the hunt as well." said Yuri. "It appears we have a race of our own right now."

"Why are you two working together?" asked Jarod. "His Nazi doctrines directly conflict with your Communist doctrines."

"A small difference I'm willing to overlook." said Yuri. "I've decided to seek out the Falchion as part of my quest to conquer the Cannonballers. Are you willing to assist me to that end?"

"Does the phrase 'Go suck a lemon' mean anything to you?" asked Jarod.

"Then you must die. Release him." said Yuri.

Kroenen released him and stepped back. Yuri then levitated Jarod and Johnny 5 until they were over the ravine. He then dropped them in.

"Perhaps this will be a good day after all." said Yuri.

He and Kroenen walked over to one of his Magnetron tanks and drove off.

In the ravine, Johnny 5 held onto the rock wall while Jarod held onto his treads.

"Sorry, Johnny." said Jarod. "I think this might be the end."

"Well, if you've gotta go, don't squeeze the Charmin." said Johnny 5.

"Hey, guys."

Jarod and Johnny 5 looked up to see Dylan looking down at them.

"What are you guys doing in such a terrible position?" she asked.

"It's a complicated story." said Jarod. "Get me out of here or you don't get to hear it."

"Any ideas?" asked Natalie.

"I think it's human ladder time." said Dylan.

"Uh, there's a cable or something in the car." said Wayne. "Can't we use that?"

"Get it out." said Alex.

"Lower me down." said Dylan as she lowered hereself over the side. Natalie and Alex grabbed her arms and lowered her until she reached Jarod.

Jarod grabbed onto her legs. Natalie and Alex pulled them up.

"Now, we have to get Johnny." said Jarod.

"We got him." said Garth. He and Wayne lowered a tow cable to him. He grabbed onto it and tried to pull himself up.

"Everybody grab the cable." said Alex. The Angels joined Wayne and Garth, then Jarod grabbed on as well.

After a minute of pulling, Johnny 5 managed to pull himself out of the ravine.

"Johnny 5 is alive!" he cheered.

"Now, what happened?" asked Natalie.

"Yuri did this." said Johnny 5.

"Whoa!" said Garth. "You mean that psychic psycho?"

"That's the one." said Jarod. "He did this because he's seeking an ancient sword called the Falchion and he wanted me to help. I calmly told him I wouldn't be seeking it out...but I am now."

"You're going to try to keep it out of his hands." said Dylan.

"Exactly." said Jarod. "He may have tried to eliminate us, but now he's going to have to face Jarod Ford, professional archaeologist."

"Hey, how about if he were to face the three hottest detectives in Los Angeles as well?" asked Alex.

"Ex-squeeze me?" said Wayne. "I baking powder?"

"We're joining the treasure hunt." said Dylan.

Wayne and Garth turned to each other and said "Excellent!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere near Lake Tanganyika, the Ghostbusters found Stone Cold and Rob applying black electrical tape to the PT Phoenix.

Peter pulled up to them and asked "What are you guys doing?"

"Well, the police are looking for a green Firebird with white stripes." said Stone Cold. "But they're not looking for a black Firebird with white stripes. Luckily, I remembered the electrical tape and we're disguising the car."

"You know, that's actually not a bad idea." said Louis.

"There's just one problem." said Rob. "We've only got enough tape to do one side, the roof, and hood."

"Wait, you're going to try to sneak past the cops with the car only half-obscured?" asked Winston.

"We don't have much of a choice." said Stone Cold.

"That's the last of it." said Rob.

"Okay, let's go." said Stone Cold.

The two cars took off running and split up stortly afterward. The PT Phoenix passed a police car a few minutes later. Unfortunately, the disguise didn't work and the car gave chase.

"Dammit!" yelled Stone Cold.

Nemesis growled.

They pulled over and climbed out. The police officer did the same.

The officer looked over the car. Just as Stone Cold was about to give him an explanation, the officer burst out laughing and returned to his car.

"Was that the effect you were going for?" asked Rob.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Knight pulled into a diner somewhere. Michael, B.A, and Murdock climbed out and entered the diner.

"You're here pretty late." said the chef.

"Road trip." said Michael. "Three turkey sandwiches to go, please."

At the end of the counter, a man sat looking freaked out.

"Hey, man. What's wrong?" said B.A.

"You won't believe what happened to me." said the man.

"Maybe we will. Tell us." said Murdock.

"Okay." said the man. "I was lost in the wilderness and I had to hitch a ride. As I'm walking along, this car comes along and stops. I get in, and then I look over at the driver, but there's no one there."

"KITT?" asked Michael into his watch.

"It wasn't me, Michael." said KITT.

"So, then we're rumbling along." said the man. "And get this, the engine is making absolutely no sound. And we're still rolling along and we reach the diner. That's when I bolt from the car and run inside. I tried telling the people about my encounter, but no one believes me. Do you believe me?"

"Well, that's a pretty tall tale." said Michael.

"I belive you." said Murdock. "In fact, that same thing happened to me."

"This guy's really on the jazz." said B.A.

Just then, two men walked in.

"Two dinners, please." said one. "We're going to be here a while. Our car broke down and they're fixing it over at the shop."

The other looked into the diner, saw the storyteller, and said "Hey, that's the guy who jumped into the car while we were pushing it."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Uranus and Club were parked behind a rock next to the road.

"You guys sure you're alright?" asked Paul.

"Yeah, the Cadrona got the worst of it." said Lance. "I think that's out of the game, though."

"Are Joe and Max ready?" asked Johnny.

"Let me check." said Feliz. He picked up the radio and said "Joe, Max, are you there?"

"Yeah, we're here." said Joe. "You're not going to belive the ingenius trap we've set up."

"Go ahead." said Paul.

"We've painted a fake tunnel entrance onto the cliff wall in the clearing we're looking at." said Max. "Chase the Cannonballers towards it and they won't notice it until it's too late."

"Sounds brilliant." said Johnny.

"Someone's coming." said Paul.

The Super Taxi and Crusero Magnifico raced down the road.

"I don't see why I have to be the lookout." said Daffy as he stood through the sunroof.

"Because you lost the toss of the coin." said Bugs. "I'm surprised Wile E. called it first."

"Remember to stay extra vigilant." said Kuni. "The enemies of the Cannonball are waiting for us to lower our guard."

"They can't stop us." said Stanley. "We've got...HIM."

"Whoa, let's not overuse HIM." said George. "We might need HIM for a future mission and HIM will be all used up."

The two cars tore past the Uranus and Club. Those two cars then took pursuit.

"Uh oh, trouble behind us." said Daffy.

"Floor it, Wile E!" said Bugs.

Wile E. and George floored their accelerators.

"Guys, you've got a couple of pigeons heading your way." said Lance.

"We're waiting." said Joe.

The Super Taxi and Crusero came to a fork in the road and split up.

"Uh oh, one of them's not going your way." said Paul.

"Bird in the hand." said Max.

The Uranus chased the Super Taxi while the Club kept on the Crusero.

"I don't think you're going to need that." said Feliz as he looked at the EDB. "This is a dead end and we're on the only way out."

In the Super Taxi, Stanley had opened the fuse box and was now trying to work the fuse for the taillights out.

"What are you doing?" asked Kuni.

"Those guys are following us by our taillights." said Stanley. "If we lose those, they might lose us."

Meanwhile, the Crusero thundered down the road towards the clearing. The Club turned and cut off the escape route.

"Here they come." said Max.

"Nice one, Bugs." said Daffy. "We're heading right towards a rock face."

"Don't worry." said Bugs. "There's a tunnel right there."

"It worked, they're heading right for the tunnel." said Joe.

The Crusero raced right towards the painted on tunnel...and entered it.

Joe and Max were shocked to say the least. "What was that?" asked Max.

"I don't know, but we're going after them." said Joe.

He started the Bravura and drove after them. He raced towards the tunnel...and plowed right into the rock face.

"Care to explain this, Einstein?" asked Max as he pulled his face from the deflating airbag.

"Shut it." said Joe.

Meanwhile...

"The road's starting to get a little windier." said Lance.

"I'm still on him." said Johnny.

George swerved through the turns while singing. "George...George...George of the Jungle. Strong as he can be."

As George was belting out the Tarzan-like yell, Johnny missed a turn and crashed into a tree.

"Watch out for that tree." sang George. The Uranus backed up and continued after him.

XXXXXXXXXX

As morning broke, DeMarco drove to a small store where the Torrida was parked. "Well, what have we here?" he asked.

He pulled in alongside it and climbed out of the Voodoo. "Time to show those losers how it's done." he said.

He took a time bomb out of the Voodoo and walked over to the Torrida. He bent down and activated the bomb, then looked up to see an African man looking at him.

"What are you looking at?" he asked. "I'm doing important work here. This is too complicated for you."

He planted the bomb on the undercarriage of the Torrida. He stood up and looked to the man. "It's a bomb." he explained. "You know, a thing that goes 'Boom!'"

Just then, Buffy, Willow, and Xander walked out of the store.

"So, then he goes..." said Buffy. "Hey, who are you?"

"Ah, Americans." said DeMarco. "And here I thought I was the only one."

"I think there's an ant crawling up my leg." said Xander as he sat on the hood of the car and pulled up his jean leg.

"So, what's your name?" asked Buffy.

"Ah, my name is..." said DeMarco as he looked around for a psuedonym. His eyes fell on Xander scratching himself. "Pants. Joey Pants."

"That's kind of unusual." said Buffy.

"So, what's your name?" asked DeMarco.

Buffy suddenly realized she was one to talk. "Never mind." she said.

"Well, I got stuff to deal with. Adios." said DeMarco as he returned to the Voodoo. He got in and drove off.

"Bye!" yelled Willow.

"Catch us on T.V." said Buffy.

"I swear there's an entire colony in there." said Xander as he continued scratching.

"Careful, I heard that African driver ants can eat people." said Willow.

"Well, that's great." said Xander. "If we throw a picnic, we shouldn't worry about the ants eating the food. We should worry about them eating us."

The man ran over to them and started babbling in the local language.

"What's he saying?" asked Buffy.

Willow held out her hands to him and said "Silliw tuob niklat uoy tahw." A bubble floated from her hands and formed a shield between them.

"That man planted something on your car!" yelled the man.

"Cool, you broke the language barrier." said Buffy.

"He planted it on the undercarriage!" said the man. "I'm not entirely certain, but I think it was a bomb!"

"I got it." said Xander. He reached under the car and pulled the bomb off. "Guess that guy wasn't as nice as...uh oh, there's only thirty seconds left!"

"Throw it in that truck! Throw it in that truck!" yelled Willow as she pointed to a burned out and stripped cargo truck.

Xander ran over to the truck while Buffy and Willow hid behind the Torrida. Xander threw the bomb into the open window and ran back to the car.

"And to think I didn't make the basketball team!" he said. As he was sliding across the hood, a small fireball popped out of the truck. It was completely undamaged.

"That was it?" asked Willow.

"We could've left it in the car for that." said Buffy.

Suddenly, the truck was torn apart by a massive explosion. The impact knocked everyone onto their backs.

Willow turned to Buffy as a flaming tire rolled past them and said "Check me for shrapnel."

XXXXXXXXXX

"There he is." said Kim as Lone Wolf approached.

"He's cute." said Mitzi.

"I hope you don't get too attached, because we have to take him out." said Nichole.

"Right." said Mitzi.

The girls went into action. They walked out in front of Lone Wolf and struck a pose. Lone Wolf stopped as soon as he saw them.

"Let me guess." he said as he dismounted. "You must be those mysterious girls that are attacking the Cannonballers."

"You guessed correctly." said Linda.

"Look, I'm not exactly in the mood to fight." said Lone Wolf. "Let's just get this over with."

Mitzi and her girls surrounded him while taking defensive positions. Lone Wolf took a step towards Mia and fell through a board on the ground.

"What just happened?" asked Mia.

"Oh, I know what happened." said Kim. "On this planet, they sometimes store water in holes in the ground. They call it a 'well'."

"I've heard of these." said Linda. "Sometimes, the water runs out and they have to abandon the well."

"Uh, girls?" said Lone Wolf. "Not staying down here for my health."

"What do we do about him?" asked Nichole.

"Remember our little gift?" asked Mitzi. "Let's give it to him."

"Good idea." said Mia.

"Unless your gift is a ladder, I don't want it." said Lone Wolf.

The girls started to roll over a giant beer keg. "Come on, just get it to the hole." said Mizi.

They parked the keg next to the well. Then, Kim opened it and started to pour in the beer.

"This does not bode well." said Lone Wolf.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Congo...

"We're almost at the temple you specified." said Lara over her radio. "Is this the only lead on the quest?"

"There was another." said Hellboy over the radio from Uganda. "However, we discovered that it had already been found and this was the other option."

"There are two keys." said Abe. "Three, actually. But the first two are required to access the third. The other one is here in Uganda. It will save us time if we go after them both at once."

"I have a question." said Joanna. "If the original lead was already discovered, how do you know the Falchion itself wasn't already discovered?"

"If someone gets that, they will use its powers." said Liz. "Since we haven't heard of an unstoppable army running roughshod over the world, we can safely assume nobody has found it."

"That's a good point." said Lara. "We'll call you as soon as we find something."

"Got it. Over and out." said Hellboy.

Lara hung up the radio and parked the car. "Okay, this is the place." she said.

She and her teammates climbed out of the car.

"So, what's the deal?" asked Chun Li.

"In order to get the key, we have to work a puzzle of some kind." said Lara. "Unfortunately, this culture's language is a little beyond my expertise, but another racer is quite familiar with it."

"Who's that?" asked Joanna.

Just then, the Crown Mail pulled up and Artemis and his team climbed out.

"Good day, ladies." he said.

"Nice to see you, Master Fowl." said Lara. "I believe you mentioned something about being able to translate these writings?"

"Yes, I took part in this caper some time ago." said Artemis. "I managed to make off with a trinket from another of this people's temples. I probably would have set off the booby traps had I not figured out the translations."

"Looks like you're repeating your experience." said Cate.

"So, where are these writings?" asked Artemis.

"Right this way." said Lara.

Lara and Artemis led their teams into the temple. They looked at the artwork and statues lining the entrance.

"I think I took out this guy's spleen." said J.D. as he looked at a statue.

"There it is." said Lara. A stone ring was on a pedestal on a stage. Three wheels with markings were mounted to the pedestal. Similar markings were on a stone tablet at the front of a platform the pedestal was on.

"From that angle, there's no way you can read the tablet while using the wheels." said Joanna.

"That's true." said Artemis. "I'll have to read it to her while she uses the wheels."

"Then, let's get cracking." said Lara. She jumped up onto the platform and walked over to the pedestal.

Artemis walked over to the tablet and read. "There appears to be one correct combination of the symbols on the wheels." he said. "If you choose the wrong one, the entrance will collapse."

"Prepare to dig, I guess." said Butler.

"Actually, I think I may be able to winch us out of here through that hole in the ceiling." said Cate.

"Can your grappler handle all our weight?" asked Joanna.

"I've always wanted to find out." said Cate.

"I've figured out the first symbol." said Artemis.

"Go ahead." said Lara.

"It's the one that looks like a lion standing on its back legs." said Artemis.

Lara turned the first wheel until the lion was displayed. "Next?" she asked.

"It looks like a diamond with a hollow center." said Artemis.

Lara turned the second wheel until the diamond was displayed. "And the last one?" she asked.

"It appears to be a pair of chevrons." said Artemis.

Lara turned the third wheel until the chevrons were displayed. "Let's hope this works." she said. She grabbed the stone ring and prepared to remove it from the pedestal.

Her teammates moved out of the entrance.

Lara took a deep breath, then lifted the stone ring out of the pedestal. The entrance did not need a new ceiling. Lara let out her breath.

"Nice work." she said to Artemis.

"Thank you." said Artemis. "Now, if you don't mind, we have a race to..."

"Someone's here. There's cars parked."

Joanna let out one of her Camspys. A second later, she said "It's a group of Yuri's soldiers."

"Doesn't this guy ever give up?" asked Chun Li.

"Hide." said Butler. Everybody took cover behind something. Artemis hid under the platform while Lara hid behind the pedestal.

Four Initiates walked into the entrance. "We're too late. The key is gone." said one.

"Those two cars were still there." said another. "They must still be here."

"Where?" asked a third.

Lara looked through a hole in the platform to see Artemis looking up at her.

"Turn a wheel." he whispered.

"But that will seal us in here." she whispered back.

"We can get out." said Artemis.

Lara reached up and turned one of the wheels. A loud rumble was heard, then the entrance needed a new ceiling. The Initiates took cover as the rock fell all around them.

"Good thinking." said Lara. "But how do we get out of here?"

"I did the math." said Artemis. "I believe that Cate's grappler will be able to hold two people if each is your approximate weight. Of course, the stone ring will have some weight as well, so you might want to give it to J.D."

"That sounds like it could work." said Cate.

"Cate and I will go first to see if the grappler will hold us." said Chun Li.

"They're starting to escape." said one of the Initiates.

"Then, we'll just have to follow them." said another. "Start digging. We'll be out of here in no time." He picked up a large rock, but it was too heavy and he dropped it after moving it an inch. "Give or take a week."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kinshasa, the Veloci raced along with Max behind the wheel.

"So, how does that 'Africa' song by Toto go again?" asked Max.

"Don't ask." said Tommy.

"Why?" asked Max.

"I said don't ask!" said Tommy.

"What do you think this thing does?" asked Max as he looked at the device they had gotten from the Predator.

"I don't know." said Tommy. "I just hope it doesn't vaporize us."

Max turned on the device. He suddenly disappeared.

"Max? Where are you?" said Tommy.

Max turned off the device. "Right here." he said. "What just happened?"

"You disappeared." said Tommy. "That must be some kind of cloaking device."

Max then looked in the rearview and saw the lights of a police car. "Oh, great!" he said.

"Just pull over." said Tommy. "No sense getting into trouble over it."

Max pulled over with the police car right behind him. Then, the police car raced off. It turned out to be the one Marcus and Regis had stolen.

"So long, suckers!" said Regis as he leaned out of the window.

"He's slick." said Tommy. "I'll give him that."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Uganda...

"This is the temple." said Hellboy.

"I wonder if Lara and her team managed to get the other key." said Liz.

"I suppose we'll find out when we finish here." said Abe.

The three of them entered the temple. Inside was another stone ring on a pedestal. This was held between two stone arms with a dial in the center. A stone tablet with markings on it was affixed to the front of the platform the pedestal stood on.

"Can you translate it?" asked Hellboy.

"That's what I'm here for, isn't it?" said Abe.

Hellboy jumped up on the platform and walked up to the dial. Abe walked up to the tablet.

"This is interesting." said Abe. "We appear to be looking at the world's oldest combination lock."

"So, how do we pick it?" asked Hellboy.

"First turn it counterclockwise to the four rings." said Abe.

Hellboy turned it. "And then?" he asked.

"Next, turn it clockwise to the circle with the two raised quarters." said Abe.

Hellboy turned it again. "Next?" he asked.

"Turn it counterclockwise to the 'Z' in a circle." said Abe.

Hellboy turned it and something clicked. He pulled the arms apart and took out the ring. "We've got it." he said.

"Good, now give it to me." said Yuri as he entered the temple with Kroenen and one of his Initiates.

"Yuri!" said Liz.

"And Kroenen!" said Hellboy. "What do you want?"

"We want the Falchion." said Yuri. "For that, we need the stone keys. My Initiates are procuring the other key as we speak."

"There's no way we're giving this to you guys." said Hellboy.

"Fine." said Yuri. He turned to his Initiate and said "You may give the order."

"Understood, sir." said the Initiate. He activated his radio and said "Lasher tank, fire on the temple."

"Just one question, sir." said the voice over the radio. "A sphincter says what?"

The Initiate got confused. "Can you repeat that?" he asked.

"A sphincter says what?" asked Wayne as he sat on the lap of the unconcious radio man for the Lasher tank. Alex and Garth sat nearby and laughed silently.

"What?" asked the Initiate.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a sphincter." said Wayne as he showed the radio microphone to the others. Alex and Dylan high-fived each other while Natalie and Garth laughed.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked Yuri.

"Apparently, I'm a sphincter." said the Initiate.

"Now!" said Hellboy.

Liz held up her hands and the Initiate's uniform caught fire.

"Ah, I'm burning!" yelled the Initiate.

"Stop burning. That's an order." said Yuri.

"Yuri!" yelled Jarod as he stepped into the entrance.

Yuri turned around to face the man he thought was dead. "You!"

"That's right." said Jarod. "I've come to stop you from acquiring the Falchion and assist Hellboy and his group."

"You are going to help Hellboy?" asked Yuri. "Aren't you a nuclear engineer?"

"Not today." said Jarod. "I'm many things. Today, I'm an archaeologist."

"Get him." said Yuri. "He will work for us."

"Before you consider that order," said Jarod "I'd like you to meet my partner. Say 'hi' to the psychotic madman, Johnny!"

Johnny 5 rolled in carrying the cannon from the Lasher tank in a firing position. "Make my day." he growled in a Clint Eastwood voice.

"They're distracted. Let's go." said Hellboy.

He ran over to the wall and punched a hole in it with his right hand. He, Liz, and Abe escaped through it.

"This party's moving. Let's follow him." said Jarod.

He and Johnny 5 left the temple entrance. "I'll be back." said Johnny 5 in an Arnold Schwarzeneggar voice.

They met Hellboy's group and the Angels outside.

"So, you've decided to help us after all." said Hellboy.

"You have our support." said Jarod. "Where to next?"

"Chad." said Hellboy.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Tanzania, Foyt and the Warrior were doctoring a speed limit sign.

"Explain why we're doing this again." said the Warrior.

"We're giving the Cannonballers a false sense of security." said Foyt. "When they see this sign, they'll think the speed limit is higher than it actually is."

She stepped away from the sign revealing that it had been altered to read "Minimum Speed Limit 150 KPH."

"Someone's coming." said the Warrior.

"Hide." said Foyt. She and the Warrior got back into the Buccaneer. The Piranha PDQ raced by a second later.

"Is that sign right?" asked Annie.

"I think it is." said James.

"Hang on tight." said Oakley. She put the car into the next gear and floored it. Not long after that, a Tanzania police car took off after them. Foyt and the Warrior followed a second later.

"What?" said Jessie. "We were within the speed limit."

Oakley pulled over. The police officer got out and walked over to the window. "Step out of the car." he said.

"Let me handle this." said Meowth as they climbed out of the car.

"My name is Officer Kante and I believe you know why I pulled you over." said the officer.

"Why?" asked Annie.

"Does this look like a racetrack to you?" asked Kante.

"My good man," said Meowth "I'm sure there are much more pressing issues to deal with than me and my friends. Why don't you think about it over one of these." He then handed the police officer a cigar.

"What is this?" asked Kante. "You're speeding AND trying to bribe a police officer? That's it! You're coming with me!"

He quickly started handcuffing the Rockets.

"Oh, brilliant idea, Meowth!" said Jessie as the officer cuffed her.

"Absolutely wonderful!" said Annie as she got cuffed.

"Pure genius!" yelled Oakley as she was cuffed.

Just then, Foyt and the Warrior drove by.

"Hey, nice bracelets, ladies!" yelled Foyt. "They'll go great with your new prison wardrobe!"

"Yeah, you should be one to talk about wardrobes!" yelled Jessie.

"You would do best to be quiet." said Kante. "You and your friends are in enough trouble already."

"All thanks to you, Meowth." said James as he got cuffed.

"I thought it was worth a try." said Meowth as the officer slapped the cuffs on him.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Arizona, Phil sat in a chair onstage with a man in a safari outfit.

"Welcome back to our coverage of the Cannonball Run." said Phil. "With me now is a young man who knows a thing or two about the wildlife in Africa. He is a guy curious about animals all over the world and the host of 'Brian Fellow's Safari Planet'. Please welcome Brian Fellow."

"Hi, everybody!" said Fellow. "I'm Brian Fellow!"

"Mr. Fellow, I'd like to welcome you to the command center." said Phil as a rhinoceros came up on the monitor behind him. "Our first subject is the rhinoceros. Mr. Fellow, what can you tell us about the rhinoceros?"

"The rhinoceros, or rhino as it's usually called," said Fellow "is a large herbivore with a very tough skin and a rather prominent horn on its nose. It also has a short temper and is very easily provoked."

"Sounds dangerous." said Phil. "And what should our Cannonballers do if they should encounter a rhinoceros?"

Fellow thought for a few seconds, then said "I'm Brian Fellow!"

"Okay." said Phil. "Our next subject is the zebra." A zebra was displayed on the monitor.

"What did that horse do?" asked Fellows. "He's wearing prison stripes."

"Huh?" laughed Phil. "Oh, that's funny. No, he just looks like that naturally. A zebra is a horse-like animal with black hair and white stripes. I know it looks like a white horse with black stripes, but many zoologists say that it's actually black with white stripes."

"I think he was set up." said Fellows. "Doesn't he look innocent to you?"

"Um, yes, he does." said Phil. "Moving on now, we'll go on to the lion." A lion was displayed on the monitor. "I'll take this one. The lion is a large jungle cat identified by it's sand-colored fur and mane. Known as the 'King of the Jungle', the lion..."

Fellow wasn't listening to him. He had a vision of the zebra talking to him. It said "You have to help me, Brian! I'm a victim of society! I didn't do it! You have to hurry! I'm being executed at midnight!"

"No! No!" yelled Fellow. "Help him! Save the zebra!"

Phil was now very confused. "Excuse me?" he asked.

"They're going to execute the zebra!" said Fellow. "We have to save him!"

Phil laughed. "It's okay." he said. "I think the zebra's going to be fine. We've hired a lawyer. We've requested a retrial. We've found new evidence exonerating him. It's looking good."

"You think so?" asked Fellow.

"I know so." said Phil. "Okay, now, we have Dr. Bunsen Honeydew explaining the possible routes the Cannonballers may be taking through Africa. Over to you, David."

David stood with Dr. Honeydew and Beaker next to a map of Africa.

"Greetings, everybody." said David. "Right now, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew will be explaining which routes the Cannonballers might take and why."

"Free the zebra!" said Fellow.

"Yes, David." said Dr. Honeydew. "At this point, the Cannonballers should be just north of 10 degrees longitude south. There are numerous dry tropical scrub forests in the area as well as a few mountainous areas. If the racers go through the scrub forests, they should have a better go of it since the terrain is more forgiving. However, the police might be waiting for them, so they should watch out."

Beaker rattled off a great deal of information.

"Beaker points out that the racers could go through the mountains if they know what they're doing." said Honeydew. "They might have to reduce their speed, but the route might be shorter in the mountain sections."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Zaire, a local police officer had pulled over the Interna following a mountain section.

The police officer knocked on the driver's side window. Butthead rolled it down.

"Hello." said the police officer. "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"Uh...speeding?" replied Butthead.

"You are correct." said the officer.

"Really?" said Butthead. "What do I win?"

"I'm not sure if you're aware," said the officer "but the speed limit through the mountains is thirty kilometers per hour."

"How fast were we going?" asked Beavis.

"You were going sixty-nine." said the officer.

Beavis and Butthead started laughing uncontrolably.

The officer sighed. "Please, this is serious business!" he said. "You are getting a ticket for your excessive speed."

"And what speed would that be?" asked Butthead.

"Sixty-nine." said the officer.

Beavis and Butthead started laughing uncontrolably again.

"I can see this will be one of those days." said the officer.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ford pulled into a gas station in Zaire. Kid was already there.

"What happened to you?" asked Kid.

"I got lost." said Ford. "Up for another round?"

"How about we do something different this time?" asked Kid.

"What do you have in mind?" asked Ford.

"Obstacle course." said Kid.

"Sounds like fun." said Ford.

After Ford and Kid finished at the gas station, they paid for their gas and took off down the road as the music started.

**Too much is not enough.  
Nobody said this stuff,  
makes any sense.  
We're hooked again.**

After roaring down the road some distance, they came upon a truck carrying hay and pulling a trailer with a ramp on it.

**Point of no return.  
See how the buildings burn.  
Light up the night.  
Such pretty sight.**

Kid accelerated and hit the ramp, jumping the truck.

**Adrenaline keeps me in the game.  
Adrenaline, you don't even feel the pain.  
Wilder than your wildest dreams.  
When you're going to extremes,  
it takes adrenaline.**

Ford followed suit and hit the ramp himself. He also made it over the truck.

**Sail through an empty night.  
It's only you and I,  
who understand.  
There is no plan.**

Kid then turned down a side road with Ford right behind him. They came upon a bridge.

**Get closer to the thrill.  
Only time will kill,  
what's in your eyes.  
It's so alive.**

"Next challenge is to cross this bridge." said Kid.

"What's so challenging about that?" asked Ford.

"On the guardrail." said Kid.

**Adrenaline keeps me in the game.  
Adrenaline, you don't even feel the pain.  
Wilder than your wildest dreams.  
When you're going to extremes,  
it takes adrenaline.**

Kid rode up onto the guardrail and rode across at moderate speed. Ford followed him, doing the same.

**Run through the speed of sound.  
Everything slows you down.  
And all the color that surrounds you,  
are bleeding to the walls.  
All the things you really need.  
Just wait to find the speed.  
Then you will achieve,  
escape velocity.**

They rode away from the bridge. Some distance later, Kid and Ford stopped.

**Too much is not enough.  
Nobody gave it up.  
I'm not the kind,  
to lay down and die.**

"Here's the last section." said Kid while pointing to a pond. "You have to take the bridge over that pond."

**Adrenaline keeps me in the game.  
Adrenaline, you don't even feel the pain.  
Wilder than your wildest dreams.  
When you're going to extremes**,  
**it takes adrenaline.**

"What bridge?" asked Ford.

"The air bridge." said Kid.

**Adrenaline, screaming out your name.  
Adrenaline, you don't even feel the pain.  
Wilder than your wildest dreams.  
When you're going to extremes,  
it takes adrenaline.**

-"Adrenaline" by Gavin Rossdale

Kid raced down the hill towards the pond. He hit a ramp and flew over the pond.

Ford took off after him and hit the same ramp. Unfortunately, he wasn't going fast enough and landed in the pond.

"See you in Europe!" said Kid.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nichole and Kim kept on through the grassland in the '58 Fury.

"There should be another Cannonballer around here somewhere." said Nichole.

"If we do find one, can this piece of junk keep up with them?" asked Kim.

"Don't call her that." said Nichole.

"Call who that?" asked Kim.

"Her." said Nichole as she pointed to the car.

Kim just looked at her strangely, then looked through the windshield. "Hey, there's one." she said.

Ahead of them was the Modicum XSV with Gonzo behind the wheel.

"Kermit, don't you feel the call of the wild in Africa?" asked Fozzie.

"Um, no I don't." said Kermit. "I guess that's because we're not in the swamp, though."

Just then, the car phone rang.

"Got it!" yelled Animal. He picked it up. "Hello! Okay!" He took the phone down and said "Fozzie!"

Fozzie took the phone and said "Hello? Oh, okay. Thank you. Bye."

He handed the phone back to Animal who hung it up.

"Who was that?" asked Kermit.

"That was the wild." said Fozzie. "I got the call of the wild."

"Okay, just bring us in closely and we'll start to make our attack." said Kim.

"She doesn't like being used as a weapon." said Nichole. "How would you like it if you were grabbed by your legs and used as a battering..."

Suddenly, the Super Taxi and badly smashed up Uranus blew past them.

"I can't believe he's still behind us." said George.

"Ay, I thought that last one would finish them." said Kuni.

"Is this thing going to survive the journey?" asked Lance.

"Relax, will you?" replied Johnny.

"Now, this is a party!" said Gonzo.

The Super Taxi and Modicum swerved through traffic on the highway. The Uranus and Fury followed.

Gonzo swerved into oncoming traffic and a car swerved around him. The car then sideswiped the Fury.

"Watch it, shithead!" yelled Nichole.

Kuni looked over his shoulder and tried to read the Fury's license plate. He then turned around and saw George was driving towards a pair of tractor-trailers driving next to each other.

"Are you crazy? Don't go between them!" he yelled.

"Go between them? Are you crazy?" replied George.

George drove between the trucks with the Uranus right behind it.

"I said 'Go around'!" yelled Kuni.

"You said 'Go between them'!" yelled George.

"I said 'DON'T go between them'!" yelled Kuni.

The Super Taxi scraped against the trucks, then came out from between them. The driver of one of the trucks was so spooked, he steered towards the other one. The Uranus was smashed and shoved under one of the trailers.

The Uranus ended up in the path of the Fury. Nichole was unable to avoid a collision. She crashed into him and rolled the car a few times. The two pairs of villains climbed out of their cars.

"Well, it had to die sometime." said Lance as he looked at the Uranus.

"Those god damned shitters!" yelled Nichole.

"Will you relax!" yelled Kim. "You're really scaring me!"

Suddenly, they heard metal bending. They looked to the Fury and saw the damage was reversing itself. Nichole smiled.

"But that scares me more." said Kim.

In the Super Taxi, Kuni dialled his cell phone.

"Who you calling?" asked George.

"Chloe." said Kuni. "I want her to run the license plates on that Fury."

XXXXXXXXXX

Team Rocket lounged around a cell in a small town jail. Officer Kante walked over to greet them.

"The judge will be returning from his vacation early." he said. "You should be here no more than one, two days tops."

"Oh, no rush." said James.

"Very good attitude." said Kante. "That'll be a help when you're in here. Well, I must make my rounds."

With that, he left.

"Nice attitude." said Jessie mockingly.

"I thought it would make him speed things up." said James.

Annie started to use a nail on the plaster surrounding the bars on the window.

"What are you doing?" asked Meowth.

"I'm trying to chip away at the plaster around these bars so we can remove them." said Annie. "I was reading this book and the heroine was locked in a jail cell like this one and she escaped this way."

"How long did it take her?" asked Oakley.

"Two pages." said Annie.

James walked over to the bars and pulled them out with no effort. "Dryrot." he explained.

"Great, let's get out of here." said Jessie.

The Rockets climbed out of the window and found themselves in a courtyard with an eight-foot wall on the other side.

"How do we get past that wall?" asked Annie.

"We climb it." said Meowth.

"Listen to him." said Oakley. "He's the one who got us into this mess."

"Okay, human ladder time." said Jessie. "Annie, you and Oakley will form the base, then James climbs on our shoulders."

"Why us?" asked Annie.

"Because someone has to act as lookout." said Jessie.

"Why can't we do that?" asked Oakley.

"Because you'll be the base of the ladder." said Jessie.

Annie and Oakley leaned against the wall and James climbed on their backs.

"Wait a minute..." said Annie as she thought about Jessie's explanation.

James climbed up and looked over the wall. He spotted...the black van!

James screamed and fell to the ground, taking Annie and Oakley with him.

"The black van is out there!" he babbled.

"Great, out of the frying pan, into the fire." said Oakley.

"And back into the microwave." said Kante as he walked over. "This is not going to look well for you at your trial."

"Nice work, you guys!" said Meowth.

"All that for an extended sentence!" groused Annie. "Right now, I wish we'd never heard of the Cannonball!"

"The Cannonball?" asked Kante. "You're Cannonballers?"

"Yeah, you want to bring that up at trial?" asked Oakley.

"Holy shit! I don't believe this!" said Kante. "The Cannonball is like my favorite sporting event of the year!"

"Really?" asked Jessie.

"Oh, I can't keep you locked up here!" said Kante. "I sometimes let one go through. Please, let me release you!"

"You are?" asked James. "Thank you! Thank you!"

"In fact, I think I'll give you a police escort to the next country." said Kante. "That black van that's been harrassing the racers? It's right outside."

"Thanks again!" said Meowth.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Are you sure we should do this again?" asked Foyt. She and the Warrior were doctoring another speed limit sign in Kenya. It now read "Minimum Speed 150 KPH."

"It worked once." said the Warrior. "Maybe this time, we'll catch that Rockatansky."

"Good." said Foyt. "Because if I hear you go on about taking out Rockatansky one more time, I'm gonna CROAK!"

"There's a Cannonballer approaching." said the Warrior. "Let's watch."

They returned to the Buccaneer once more. Within seconds, the Bryanston V came along. Max was driving.

"You're doing pretty well, Max...for a rabbit." said Sam.

"Us lagomorphs have some progress to make in this field." said Max.

"The way looks clear up ahead." said Bernard as he hung his head out the window.

"Hey, does that sign say the minimim speed limit is 150 KPH?" asked Ben.

"Sure does." said Max. "Full steam ahead!"

Max floored the accelerator and Bernard held on tight for dear life.

"That engine scream should attract some police activity." said the Warrior.

"Funny, that's the first time I've heard an engine scream the Lord's Prayer." said Foyt.

"Let's see what happens to them." said the Warrior.

He took off after the Bryanston V. Soon after, a police car appeared in their rearview.

"Let him go by." said Foyt. "He's got work to do."

The Warrior pulled over. Surprisingly, the police officer pulled in behind them.

"What did we do?" asked the Warrior.

The police officer walked over to the window.

"Hi, officer." said Foyt. "Nice night, huh?"

"Nice enough for a ticket." said the officer.

"Officer, what did I do?" asked the Warrior.

"Did you notice how fast you were going?" asked the officer.

"Not as fast as that Cosworth." said the Warrior.

"Exactly." said the officer. "The minimum speed limit through here is 150 KPH. Didn't you see the sign?"

"See the...oh!" groaned Foyt.

"May I see your license?" asked the officer.

"Nice move." said Foyt as the Warrior handed over his license.

XXXXXXXXXX

The L.A. Cop Car came upon the Citi and Nousagi. Marcus and Regis parked and climbed out.

"What's going on?" asked Marcus.

"You know those girls that have been attacking the racers?" asked Cliff. "They went and tried to take out the Lone Wolf."

"Yeah, they dropped him down an abandoned well and filled it with beer." said Woody. "Kinda reminds me of something back in Hanover."

"The good news is they forgot that people can swim in beer and he managed to float to the top." said Norm. "The bad news, other than the fact that they wasted a lot of beer, is that he soaked up a bit."

Marcus and Regis looked in Lone Wolf's direction.

"'ey, you guys!" yelled Lone Wolf, drunk out of his mind. "I trod tu git beck inta acshun, bud tha Noug...Nog...Sog...motorcyle wunt stot. I geds id nodes bedder then led a druck rye id."

Marcus and Regis looked at the "Nousagi". In his drunken haze, Lone Wolf had mounted a zebra.

"How bad is he?" asked Regis.

"It's gonna take a while to sober him up, speaking from experience." said Woody. "Luckily, Sam's working on something."

"Okay, Mr. Wolf." said Sam as he walked from the Citi with a coffee mug. "I got something that might put you on the fast track to sobriety."

"What's that?" asked Lone Wolf.

"Coffee." said Sam.

"People drink that?" asked Lone Wolf.

"People who've had too much to drink do." said Sam.

"I think I might need something stronger than coffee." said Lone Wolf.

"I'll get you yesterday's coffee." said Sam.

"What are we going to do with him?" asked Marcus. "He's protecting us and we can't just leave him here."

"Maybe one of us can bring him with us." said Regis. "Meanwhile, another rides the Nousagi."

"How does that sound, Lone Wolf?" asked Sam.

"Tht snds lk a gd dea." said Lone Wolf.

"Did what he just said make any sense to anyone?" asked Marcus.

"I understood him." said Cliff.

Within minutes, Lone Wolf was in the L.A. Cop Car while Regis was riding the Nousagi.

"Where are we?" asked Lone Wolf who was now asking the same four questions over and over.

"The Central African Republic, the same place when you asked thirty seconds ago." replied Marcus.

"Well, what are we doing here?" asked Lone Wolf.

"We're in the Cannonball Run. Look." said Marcus as he started writing on a notepad. "I can't have you asking me the same stupid questions over and over again, so I'm going to give you this list. This is a magic list. Any question you might have will have an answer on the list. Got it?"

"Yeah." said Lone Wolf as he took the list. "So, who's riding..."

"Ah ah ah, the list." said Marcus.

"Oh yeah." said Lone Wolf as he checked the list. "Whoa, how'd it know that?"

XXXXXXXXXX

The Karuma, Vortex 5, and Huntley drove along a dirt road.

"Big Red, this is the Pretender." said Jarod into his radio. "According to Johnny 5's GPS, we're almost there."

"That's good news." said Hellboy into his radio. "Any word from Lara yet?"

"No. I thought you were supposed to call her." said Dylan.

"I couldn't reach her." said Liz.

"I hope nothing bad has happened." said Abe.

"Who's that?" asked Wayne as he looked in his rearview.

The Crown Mail raced up behind them, then pulled alongside the Huntley.

"Lara sent us." said Butler.

"Prove it." said Hellboy.

Butler handed him a picture of their team and Lara's with the stone ring.

"So, she was successful." said Liz.

"She's on her way to the temple where the third key is hidden." said Artemis. "We'll meet her there."

"Excellent." said Abe.

They drove past a local man and his son.

"(They seem to be headng for the temple.)" said the son.

"(Yes, they are.)" said the father.

"(They might be after the Falchion.)" said the son.

"(I know.)" said the father. "(We must contact him.)"

XXXXXXXXXX

Lara checked the map. "We should almost be there." she said.

"Good, then we can get back to the race." said Joanna as she fanned herself. She then unzipped her jumpsuit. Chun Li and Cate followed suit.

"What's with the open jumpsuits?" asked Lara. "There's no cops following us."

"The air conditioner is broken." said Cate. "It's probably overworked in this arid climate."

"Until we can get it fixed, we have to unzip." said Chun Li. "Why aren't you unzipped as well?"

"Just in case those guys in the police car drive by." said Lara. "I swear that Regis carries his brain between his legs."

"Fine, get baked alive if you want to." said Cate.

"Uh oh." said Joanna. "We've got company."

Both the Majestic and the Hotknife pulled up and their occupants climbed out. Lara unzipped at that point.

"Well, ladies." said Joel. "You wouldn't be trying to seduce us, now. Would you?"

"Not with this, we're not." said Cate as she pointed to Joel's wedding band. "We're just having problems with our air conditioning."

"Hello, girls." said DeVille. "We can't have you out here with all these speed-crazed lunatics around. Allow us to get you to safety."

"Mr. DeVille, these girls are Cannonballers." said Fearless. "I think we should..."

"Not now, Fearless!" snapped DeVille. "Can't you see she is sexy? So now then, ladies. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Cooper DeVille."

"Cooper, huh?" asked Joanna. "Do they call you 'Coop' for short?"

"Yes, unfortunately." said DeVille. "It's kind of hard having a name like that. 'Coop DeVille'."

"Really?" asked Chun Li. "Do you have a sister named Elle Dorado?"

"No." said DeVille. "A daughter-in-law."

"Mr. DeVille, I appreciate your concern for our safety." said Lara. "However, there is a problem. We are in the middle of a hunt for lost treasure. We could use your protection."

"No problem." said DeVille. "Come on, guys. The hunt is on."

The girls and police officers returned to their cars. The girls zipped up their jumpsuits. "We don't want to give the cops a free show again." said Joanna.

Joel and Fearless groaned. "I'm putting this guy on another list." said Fearless. "Guys I never wanna work with again."

"Oh, girls." said DeVille. "About your AC, maybe I could drive your car and try to fix it. You can use the Hotknife while we're at it. It's the least I could do."

"Sure, I guess." said Lara.

The L.A. Cop Car, Citi, and Nousagi drove by.

Lone Wolf looked out the window drunkenly and waved.

"Oh, he does not look good." said Joanna.

"I hope this doesn't become a habit for him." said Chun Li.

XXXXXXXXXX

In San Francisco, Chloe checked her computer.

"Whatcha working on?" asked Harvey.

"One of the racers sent me a license plate number of a car that's been bothering him and his team." said Chloe. "I'm trying to discover the identity of the owner and possibly shed some light on it."

"You okay?" asked Antwon.

"I'm fine." said Chloe. "It's just that besides this, I've also got something going on with another team. It's like these guys can't do their own fact-finding or something. Okay, I've got it." She then looked at the screen in terror and said "Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God!"

"What? What is it?" asked Harvey.

"According to this, the car in question has been involved in numerous deaths." said Chloe. "Bizarre accidents, unexplained murders, suspicious suicides. The last owner reported that the car was seemingly possessed by some demonic force. He and a friend had another friend who was being shipped off to an ice station in Antarctica and was told to bring the car with him to be disposed of."

"Sounds like a mean set of wheels." said Antwon.

"The owners even named the car." said Chloe. "They called it Christine."

XXXXXXXXXX

Lara arrived at the temple to find the others already there.

"What's the holdup?" she asked as she climbed out.

"You." said Hellboy. "We need both stone rings to unlock the third and you have the first."

"Nice wheels." said Johnny 5. "Where did you get them?"

"Long story." said Chun Li.

"Sorry about that." said Lara. "Shall we go in?"

"Actually, we can't." said Abe. "According to the inscription, only one person can enter at a time. That person must have both rings."

"Well, I best get started." said Lara.

"Take this." said Jarod as he handed her a walkie-talkie. "That way, we can translate the tablet we found by the entrance and relay the info to you."

"Thanks." said Lara. She took the two rings and carried them inside.

"So, which one of us is going to translate the tablet?" asked Abe.

Lara entered the temple and found yet another stone ring set on a pedestal. It was held in place with another pair of stone arms. Two hubs were set in the pedestal. They were designed to be mounted with the stone rings Lara and Hellboy had found. She mounted the rings to the two hubs and picked up the walkie-talkie.

"Okay, I have the stone rings mounted to the hubs." said Lara. "What do I do now?"

"You have to turn the two rings so that the required symbols are on top." said Artemis over the radio. "I'm checking the tablet to see what those symbols are." A couple of seconds later, he said "They appear to be a cross sign on the left one and a serpent on the right."

"I can see those and am now turning the rings to them." said Lara. She turned the two rings until the symbols were on top. Suddenly, the stone arms opened and released the third ring.

Lara picked up the ring, then the walkie-talkie. "I've got the ring. I'm on my way..." she said before turning around and seeing Kroenen in front of her.

"Lara, this is Artemis. We were attacked by Yuri and Kroenen. Yuri held us under brief mind control while Kroenen went in."

"Has Yuri been subdued?" asked Lara.

"I'd say so." said Artemis as he looked over at Chun Li, Butler, and Hellboy who had all wrestled Yuri to the ground. "There should be a rear entrance you can escape from. It leads to the river."

"Thanks." said Lara.

Kroenen charged at her with his blades extended. She did a backflip and somersaulted towards the rear entrance. She then ran for the exit with Kroenen right behind her.

"What can you tell me about this river?" asked Lara into her radio.

"It should be just upstream from a rather tall waterfall." said Artemis. "Unfortunately, I don't think you can cross it without help."

"Never mind that." said Lara. "I can see my assistance right now."

Super Dave sat in the driver's seat of a jet boat on the river.

"Ready to go, Super." said Fuji as he pointed a video camera at him from the shore.

"Thanks, Fuji." said Super Dave. "Let's do the explanation and get this show on the road...or equivalent."

"Got it." said Fuji. He pulled the trigger on the camera and said "Action."

"Hi, folks. Super Dave Osbourne here. And this is my jet boat. This is what I'm going to pilot down the river and back when I get to the waterfall. If I were to go over the waterfall, the boat would fall a long distance and hit the water below at around 80 miles per hour. I can tell you this is going to hurt due to the principle saying that hitting anything at 80 miles per hour is going to hurt."

"That's great, Super." said Fuji. "Are you ready to go?"

"All set." said Super Dave.

"That's my ticket out of here." said Lara.

Super Dave was starting to go in the jet boat while Fuji drove alongside him in the Alarde. Lara ran down the hill and jumped onto the boat.

"Hey, what are you doing?" asked Super Dave.

"Hitching a ride out of danger." said Lara.

"Well, can't you hitch a ride with someone else?" asked Super Dave. "I'm doing a stunt here!"

Just then, Kroenen jumped on board as well.

"Oh, great. More stowaways." said Super Dave.

Kroenen extended both of his blades and tried to slash at Lara.

"Hey, watch it!" said Super Dave. "I'm trying to concentrate on the river!"

Kroenen swiped at Lara again. She blocked with her gun. Before she could retaliate, he thrust one of his blades at her. She dodged it.

"Take it somewhere else!" said Super Dave.

Fuji watched as he drove. Suddenly, the Victory passed him and kept pace with the jet boat.

"Lara! Cate called me!" yelled Bond. "Jump aboard! I'll take you to safety!"

"Listen to him!" said Super Dave.

"Ta ta." said Lara. She jumped from the boat and somersaulted towards the Victory.

Kroenen jumped after her and made one last grab. Unfortunately, he grabbed her backpack and tore it off.

Lara landed on the rear hatch of the Victory while Kroenen landed on the ground next to the road.

"Putz." said Super Dave as he looked at them. He then looked forward to see it was now too late to avoid going over the waterfall. He screamed as he went over.

Fuji stopped the car and ran over to see the wreckage below. He picked up his radio and said "Super? Can you hear me?"

"Knock knock." said Super Dave.

"Who's there?" replied Fuji.

"I'm going to fire." said Super Dave.

"I'm going to fire who?" asked Fuji. "Ooh."

"Are you alright, Lady Croft?" asked Bond.

"My backpack." said Lara. "The key was in there."

"Don't worry." said Jaws. "We can recover it."

XXXXXXXXXX

Buckaroo drove through the grassland in Chad. Sydney played a song on a small music keyboard.

"You know, we're almost at the site of our little adventure last year." said Sydney.

"I'm surprised you would mention that, Sydney." said Buckaroo.

"No, the OTHER adventure." said Sydney.

"Oh, that adventure." said Buckaroo. "Tommy, you have to hear this one."

"Okay, tell me." said Tommy.

"Okay, it all started like this." said Buckaroo.

Just then, his cell phone went off and Perfect Tommy answered it. "Banzai. Hold on." Perfect Tommy handed the phone to Buckaroo and said "It's for you."

Buckaroo took the phone and said "This is Buckaroo." He then had a conversation in some African language. He then hung up.

"What was that?" asked Sydney.

"A Blue Blazer in Chad reported some suspicious activity." said Buckaroo. "We're going to go investigate."

XXXXXXXXXX

Back at the entrance to the temple, Hellboy and the others seeking the Falchion sat around and moped. Jarod and Artemis studied the tablet.

"What are we looking for?" asked Jarod.

"I have a feeling that Yuri and that other guy missed something." said Artemis as he popped something into his mouth.

"What's that?" asked Jarod.

"It's a popular campfire snack." said Artemis. "What you do is you take two graham crackers, place chocolate between them, then melt a marshmallow and place it between the crackers. It's called a s'more."

"Can I have one?" asked Jarod.

Artemis handed him one and he ate it.

"Not bad." said Jarod.

"Well, I guess we'll have to work fast to retrieve the third ring." said Lara.

"We know where they're going." said Hellboy. "The only problem now is getting to them before they can use it."

"That might not be a problem." said Jarod.

"What do you mean?" asked Dylan.

"We were just examining the tablet again." said Artemis. "We found something that Yuri and Kroenen missed."

"Which is?" asked James.

"To open the temple that holds the Falchion," said Jarod "you don't just need the third key, you need the first two as well."

"And since Yuri left those two behind," said Liz "he and Kroenen are a little ill-prepared to open up the temple."

"We'll need to hurry then." said Cate.

"If you need backup, I'll be there." said James.

"Lara, I think I might know who else can offer us backup." said Joanna.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in the Sahara...

"Well, except for that guy who disappeared through the rock," said Paul "we haven't seen a single Cannonballer since we left Peoria."

"You mean Pretoria?" asked Feliz.

"What did I say?" asked Paul.

"Peoria." said Feliz. "And it wasn't Pretoria, it was Cape Town."

Suddenly, the Baja Buggy jumped over them.

"A-ha, this here is the end of the hunt." said Paul.

The Club took off after the Baja Buggy. Highway looked over his shoulder and asked "Friends of yours?"

"I don't think these guys have friends." said Max.

"Can you lose them?" asked Highway.

Paul fired the EDB and hit the Baja Buggy.

"Not now." said Max as the Club drove around him.

"Max, this is the Gyro Captain." came a voice over the radio. "I just saw that and I'm going after him."

"Wait. What about us?" replied Max. The Gyro Captain just flew on.

"Unbelievable." said Highway. "What are we going to do in the middle of the desert?"

XXXXXXXXXX

The Majestic and Zender Alpha raced through the desert.

"I'm telling you she blew us off." said Fearless.

"Look, there's only three ways to get from Africa to Europe." said Joel. "I think we have a decent chance of catching them."

Hellboy and his entourage pulled up behind them and the Hotknife pulled alongside the Zender Alpha.

"DeVille!" yelled Lara. "Coop! Are you there?"

"I'm here." said DeVille. "What's going on?"

"We need some assistance in dealing with a group that's trying to steal an ancient treasure." said Lara.

"How's that?" asked DeVille.

"Some really bad guys are trying to steal an artifact." said Lara. "This treasure can be used to make their army invincible in battle. We're trying to prevent them from getting it."

"Well, if you guys are taking time away from the Cannonball," said Deville "it must be important. I will gladly help you out."

"Thank you." said Lara. "We know where they're heading. It's a burial chamber in Egypt."

"Okay, guys." said DeVille. "We've got tomb raiders to bust."

XXXXXXXXXX

With its battery drained, the Baja Buggy sat lifeless on a sand dune.

"I've called for help, but they're gonna have a hard time finding us." said Max.

"If only the transponder was working," said Highway "they could just home in on the signal."

"Maybe we should start looking around for landmarks." said Max.

They climbed to the top of a sand dune and looked around.

"See anything on your side?" asked Highway.

"I count maybe a hundred other dunes." said Max. "Maybe we can describe each and every one of them and they'll find us. You?"

"Same here." said Highway. "This is what we'll tell them. Look for the dune that looks like a pile of sugar. South of that is another dune that looks just like it. Next to them is a dune with a crashed plane on it..."

Max quickly turned around and looked where Highway was looking. Indeed, there was a crashed plane in the sand dune. They ran over to it.

"Go to the buggy." said Max. "There's a toolkit in there we can use."

"I don't know what you're planning, Max," said Highway "but I don't think we can fix this thing."

XXXXXXXXXX

Yuri's Magnetron tank rolled into the temple in Egypt.

"We'll leave it in here in case there's a sandstorm." said Yuri.

"It's surprising that a tank can fit in here." said the driver.

"Watch out for booby traps." said Yuri.

As they drove through, they failed to notice several more vehicles pulling in behind them.

"Single file, guys." said Cate. "Follow in that tank's tracks."

Lara led the way in the Hotknife. The Huntley, Crown Mail, Vortex 5, Karuma Fasuuto, Zender Alpha, Victory, and Majestic followed.

Behind them was the Jersey XS.

"What are we doing here?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"You'll see." said Buckaroo.

Yuri's driver parked the Magnetron in a large chamber. Yuri and Kroenen climbed out and walked over to a large door. When Yuri saw that the door had three hubs on which to mount stone rings, he got confused.

"There are three hubs? Why?" he asked.

Kroenen gestured to him.

"You mean we have to go back?" asked Yuri.

"Maybe not." said Lara as she entered. Yuri turned to her to see she was with the entire group. Johnny 5 had another ring.

"You will hand that over now." said Yuri.

"I don't think so." said Hellboy. "Even if you got that one, there's still the issue of where the third one is."

"You mean under the driver's seat of the Hotknife?" asked Yuri.

"Whoa, what is this guy? Psychic?" asked Wayne.

"Yes!" said everyone else.

"Kroenen, I will retrieve the stone ring under the seat of the Hotknife." said Yuri. "You try to wrest that one from Lady Croft and her friends."

Yuri returned to the cars while Kroenen extended his blades.

"Party time!" said Joanna as she took out her guns.

"Excellent!" said Wayne and Garth. "Not!"

Kroenen jumped towards the group. Chun Li jumped towards him. The two connected in mid-air with Chun Li unleashing her Lightning Leg attack. Both landed on the floor and took stances.

"Kikoken!" yelled Chun Li as she tossed a fireball at Kroenen. He blocked it and dashed forward with a blade in front of him. Chun Li somersaulted over him and landed on his back knee-first.

Kroenen shrugged it off and thrust his blade towards Johnny 5. The blade went through the center of the stone ring and he used it to lift the ring out of Johnny's hands.

Kroenen ran back to the door and attached the ring to a second hub.

"Hey, don't you want this one too?" asked Butler as he took the last ring out from behind his back.

"Wait, I thought that was under the driver's seat of the Hotknife?" said Lara.

"Well, that's what I told you." said Artemis. "In reality, we only told you that because I remembered we're dealing with a psychic."

"So, what did you put under the driver's seat of the Hotknife?" asked Joel.

Yuri reached under the driver's seat of the Hotknife. Suddenly, his expression turned to confused disgust. He pulled out his hand which was covered in...

"Chocolate and marshmallow?" He licked the concoction on his hand and said "Pretty tasty, though."

Kroenen turned to Butler and approched. Chun Li jumped into action and did a Head Stomp. She then jumped off of the wall and did another Head Stomp.

Kroenen tried to thrust his blade through her again, but she somersaulted away. She said "Spinning Bird Kick!", turned upside down, and spun towards Kroenen with her legs extended.

Unfortunately, Butler was so wrapped up in watching the fight, he didn't notice Yuri coming up behind him. "I'll take that." said Yuri as he took the ring from Butler.

Chun Li did a roundhouse kick and sent Kroenen to the floor.

"Nice try." said Yuri. "But I have the prize. Now, I shall collect my reward."

Yuri attached the ring to the last hub and turned all three until they all had a pair of wings displayed. The door then rumbled open.

Lara drew her guns. "I will try to prevent you from acquiring the Falchion to the last step." she said.

"Then I will take the first step." said Yuri. As soon as the door was open, he turned around and started to enter the room.

In the center of the room was a pedestal with a pair of wings set into the front. At the back of the room was a hole in the wall with a staircase visible on the other side.

"What's this?" asked Yuri. "Where's the Falchion?"

"I'll tell you."

The crowd parted to let Buckaroo, Sydney, and Perfect Tommy through.

"The Falchion is not here." said Buckaroo. "Last year after the race, Sydney, Rawhide, and I came here to find it ourselves. After finding a few keys of our own, we finally reached this temple and secured the Falchion."

"But you said whoever acquired the Falchion would be most likely to use it to take over the world." said Joanna.

"That was my mistake." said Liz. "I didn't take into account that someone might use it beneficially."

"That we did." said Sydney. "Since an army that has the Falchion in their possession can never be defeated, it came in very handy when we took on the World Crime League."

Yuri stormed up to Buckaroo and said "I swear I will attack your headquarters and slaughter every one of your Blue Blaze Irregulars until the Falchion is mine."

"You do realize that it prevents us from being defeated by anyone, right?" asked Buckaroo. "That even includes you."

Kroenen just turned around and walked away.

"Well, as long as the Falchion is in your hands," said Hellboy "I guess it is safe and out of the hands of Kroenen. I guess our work is done."

"So, you really have it?" asked Dylan.

"Sure do." said Buckaroo. "It's in my office right next to the bookcase."

"You mean to tell me I've been hanging my jacket on the thing that helped us defeat Hanoi Xan?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"Careful, that could weaken its mystical properties." said Sydney.

"Hey, we've got a race to run." said Natalie.

"Yeah, let's go." said J.D.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the entrance to the temple, the Club drove in.

"Are you sure you saw other Cannonballers enter here?" asked Paul.

"Definitely." said Feliz. "Now, we can take out a lot more of them."

The Club drove forward until the front dropped a little bit.

"Great, we have a flat." said Paul.

He and Feliz climbed out and checked the tire.

"It's not the tire." said Feliz. "A piece of floor pushed in."

A few pebbles fell onto their shoulders. They looked up and saw that a section of ceiling was starting to fall.

"Okay, step one." said Paul. "Grab the EDB."

Feliz returned to the Club and picked up the EDB. "Now what?" he asked.

"Run!" yelled Paul.

As they ran from the Club, the section of ceiling gave away and fell onto the Club, flattening it.

In the entrance, the Gyro Captain was watching and returned to his gyrocopter. Within a minute, he was back in the air.

"This is the Gyro Captain. The guys with the EDB have been sidelined, maybe permanently. Max and Highway still need help." Just then, he noticed something. "Well, I'll be..."

Max and Highway were cruising across the desert with one of the airplane's wings mounted to the Baja Buggy. They were using it as a sail.

"They're going to freak when we reach Cairo." said Highway.

"Especially when they find out we have no brakes." said Max.

XXXXXXXXXX

Joel and Fearless walked back to the Majestic with Lara's team.

"That was some nice work back there." said Joel.

"Thanks." said Lara. "You too."

"If you ask me, I thought you were most impressive of the whole bunch." said Fearless to Chun Li.

"Me?" said Chun Li. "Why, thank you."

"I agree." said Joel. "You got the right stuff, baby."

"Uh, gee." said Chun Li.

"If it's not too much, can I possibly get your phone number?" asked Fearless.

"Oh, okay." said Chun Li. She took out a pad and pen and wrote down a phone number, then handed it to him.

"Thank you." said Fearless. The two groups parted ways.

"How long until you call her?" asked Joel.

"I think I'll wait until this whole mission is done." said Fearless. "Then, I'll wait a couple of days."

"That was a little cruel." said Joanna. "Don't you think he's going to be crushed when he finds out that's a fake number?"

"Oh, it's a real number alright." said Chun Li. "It just happens to be Guile's number, that's all."

"Girls, I've got some good news." said DeVille. "Your air conditioner has been fixed."

"Finally!" said Cate.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Cairo, Mason and Spike ran jumper cables from the Rigg to the Baja Buggy which was now imbedded in the side of a market.

"I can't believe you ran across the desert powered only by the wind." said Spike.

"It was reletively quick, environmentally concious, and rather fun." said Max. "However, I'd like to have a running motor for this race."

The L.A. Cop Car and Nousagi were nearby.

"Feeling better?" asked Regis.

"A little." said Lone Wolf. "I think I can manage from here. Thanks."

"You'd better be able to." said Marcus. "From what I've heard, those girls have a demonicly powered Plymouth Fury in their employ."

"Terrific." said Lone Wolf.

Nearby, the Bestia was parked.

"I think we made some very good time across the continent." said Dominic. "I'm sure that much of that was due to your navigation. As you have held up your end by navigating us to Cairo, we have delivered you to Cairo. Fare thee well and good luck."

Dominic climbed back into the car.

"Fare thee well?" asked Jesse.

"I played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons as a teen." said Dominic.

"You know, you were right." said Memphis. "We did make up a lot of time. I think in Europe, we can go a little easier."

"Good idea." said Jesse. "What do you say we cut through Greece and the Balkans and do some street racing in Germany?"

"I like the sound of that." said Dominic.

As they drove off, their navigator entered a shop. "Is it in yet?" he asked.

"Right here." said the shopkeeper. He handed over a Sudoku book. "I can't believe you can't get these in South Africa."

"Not this brand." said the navigator as he paid for the book and left. Outside, he said "Excuse me. Are you going to Johannesburg?"

XXXXXXXXXX

"The enemies came harder and faster this time around." said Brock.

"But they were defeated none the less." said Mr. X.

"I think someone should give the Cannonballers some encouragement." said Brock.

"Not a problem, Mr. Yates." said Chris Martin as he and Coldplay took the stage with Sheryl Crow. "We were going to play something else, but then I thought of one of our own songs which could offer some moral support."

"You are authorized to play it." said Brock.

"Thank you." said Chris. Chris took to his keyboard as his bandmates joined in. After playing for a few seconds, Chris started to sing.

**Can anybody fly this thing?  
Before my head explodes,  
or my head starts to ring.**

**We've been living life inside a bubble.  
We've been living life inside a bubble.**

**Confindence in you,  
is confidence in me,  
is confidence in high speed.**

**Can anybody stop this thing?  
Before my head explodes,  
or my head starts to ring.**

**We've been living life inside a bubble.  
We've been living life inside a bubble.**

**Confidence in you,  
is confidence in me,  
is confidence in high speed.**

**In high speed,  
high speed.**

**High speed, you on.  
High speed, you on.  
High speed, you on.  
High speed, you on.**

-"High Speed" by Coldplay.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Boost drove onto the bridge from Tunisia to Italy.

"We're on our way to Italy." said Matt.

"You sound anxious." said Gloria.

"I thought we'd get information on our leak by now." said Matt.

"Don't worry, Matt." said Bruce. "Chloe's working on the problem. She hasn't let us down yet."

Their satellite communicator started to buzz.

"That's probably her now." said Gloria as Matt went to answer.

Matt opened the communications channel. As Gloria had predicted, it was Chloe.

"Chloe, what's going on?" asked Matt.

"I've hit paydirt." said Chloe. "I ran a search on our source for the plans and we've traced him."

"That's great." said Matt. "We'll go after him after the race."

"You could go after him now." said Chloe. "He's currently holed up in a small castle in Dublin."


	11. Eurorun

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Chapter Eleven: Eurorun

AN:The section of dialogue between Lara's team and Team Rocket was mostly written by Anthony Bannon, a.k.a. The Turbo Man. He gave me some suggestions on how the argument should go, but I couldn't improve on it.

The Emu raced across a bridge leading to Italy.

"Flagstaff, Arizona!" sang Crow while wearing headphones. "Don't forget Winona! Kingman, Barstow, San Bernardino! Won't you get hip to this kindly tip? When you make that California trip! Get your kicks...on Route 66!"

"I've lived a life that's full." sang Tom while wearing headphones as well. "I've traveled each and every highway. And more, much more than this, I did it my way."

"Love me, love me. Say that you love me." sang Gypsy with her operatic singing voice. She was also wearing headphones. "Leave me, leave me. Go on and leave me."

Mike drove off the bridge and pulled into a convenience store next to the Vortex 5, Piranha PDQ, L.A. Cop Car, and Zender Alpha. He reached over and turned down Crow's CD player.

"Hey, I was listening to that." said Crow.

"We're in Italy now." said Mike. "We need to decide what we need from the store. Crow, turn down Tom's CD player."

"Okay." said Crow.

Mike turned down Gypsy's CD player while Crow worked with Tom's.

"Okay, Gypsy." said Mike. "We need to decide...Crow, that's the wrong way!"

As the volume increased, Tom screamed. Then his dome exploded. "Oh, nice one, Crow!" he said. "You don't blast Ol' Blue Eyes, you savor him."

Joanna and Chun Li gassed up the Zender Alpha while Marcus and Regis looked at them.

"I don't get it, Marcus." said Regis. "What am I doing wrong?"

"What aren't you doing wrong?" said Marcus. "Face it, brother. Lara and her team are in a class way above yours. I think you need to set your sights lower."

Regis looked around, then motioned towards Team Rocket. As James was fueling up the Piranha PDQ, Jessie, Annie, and Oakley stood around stretching their legs.

"Can't get much lower than that." said Marcus.

Regis took off his shirt and picked up a dumbbell. He put his foot up on the Cop Car's front bumper, rested his elbow on his knee, and started doing curls with the dumbbell. The girls from Team Rocket started laughing.

"Hey, they're laughing." whispered Regis to Marcus. "I think they're impressed."

"Isn't that just the most pathetic thing?" whispered Annie to Oakley.

"I know." said Oakley.

Just then, Lone Wolf pulled in on the Nousagi.

"And on the other end of the spectrum." said Jessie.

Lone Wolf got off the Nousagi and walked over to the store. Along the way, he passed Team Rocket.

"Hey, there." said Annie.

"Oh, great. Not this again." thought Lone Wolf.

"How are you doing?" asked Oakley.

Joanna and Chun Li marched over.

Jessie took a breath through her nose and said "I smell...skanks."

"Who are you calling skanks?" asked Joanna.

"Come on, we know you four can't keep those stupid jumpsuits zipped up anytime a cop comes near you!" said Annie.

"Yeah!" said Jessie. "Unlike you, we don't need to rely on our mammary glands to win this race!"

"We can so win this race without us always doing that!" said Chun Li. "But that's not the point! What did you three think you were doing making eyes at Lone Wolf?"

"It's called flirting, not that it's any of your business!" said Oakley.

"It is our business!" said Joanna. "You honestly think he'd be interested in a bunch of old witches like you?"

"What did you just call me?" yelled Jessie.

Lara and Cate watched from inside the store.

"Great, now we have to lend a hand." said Lara.

"I wouldn't do so for anyone else." said Cate.

They quickly stepped outside and joined in.

"What's going on here?" asked Lara.

"These two skanks of yours were trying to tell us not to flirt with Lone Wolf." said Annie.

"You should be one to someone skanks." said Cate. "I heard you got arrested in Africa. How'd you get back on the road so quickly? Something...underhanded?"

"Unbelievable." said James. "The girls are arguing over that guy when I'm right here."

"Don't feel so down." said Meowth. "You do have that unquestionable ability to make a fool of yourself."

"Yeah, you're right." said James. "Hey!"

The desk clerk watched in amusement.

Jarod walked up to the counter and dropped an armload of graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate onto it. "So, what's the proper ratio for s'mores?" he asked.

XXXXXXXXXX

At U62, Tanner and Everett ran out with a long, tall package and jumped into the Mr. Whoopie. They sped away.

"What's the next part of the plan?" asked Everett.

"We have to get to the airport." said Tanner. "The Cannonballers are probably in Europe by now. The last place they're supposed to be in Europe is Ireland."

"We have to hurry then." said Everett.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Ladies and gentlemen, the Cannonballers have now entered Europe." announced Phil. "After this, they just have to make it through North America again and then the finish at the Grand Canyon."

"But right now, we have an in-car interview with one of the teams." said David. "Every year, these ladies take part, racing for charity. And this year, they've been joined by a pair of young men just itching for excitement."

"So, without further delay, here's Team Angel." said Phil.

The camera inside the Karuma turned on. Dylan was behind the wheel.

"Hi, Phil." she said. "How's it going?"

"I was just about to ask you the same question." said Phil. "We're doing okay here. How does it feel to have entered the next to last continent of the journey?"

"I'm a little excited to be near the end where the winner will be revealed." said Natalie. "I'm also a little sad that the adventure is almost over."

"I think we all are." said Phil. "Have you been having any real trouble as of late?"

"Not recently." said Alex. "We've been having a few run-ins with the bad guys here and there, but right now they're behaving themselves."

"Maybe they finally gave up?" suggested Phil.

"Maybe." said Natalie.

"You know, every year Charlie plans to donate the prize money to charity." said Phil. "I'm certain you're willing to go along with this."

"We are, Phil." said Dylan. "We've even made some requests for charities for Charlie to support."

"Uh, Phil?" asked Alex. "We're actually trying to concentrate on the race. I think I'll let you continue this interview with the...dudes."

She picked up the camera and handed it to Wayne and Garth.

"Thank you, Lex." said Wayne. "Hey, what's up, Phil? Close up!"

Garth laughed as Wayne moved the camera closer to his face.

"Extreme close up!" yelled Garth.

Wayne pushed the camera right up to Garth's eye.

"Uh, we'll get back to you later." said Phil.

"And so it goes." said David. "You know, for some reason, there's something I like about those guys."

"Right now, we have a new musical performance for you." said Phil. "So let's give it up for Love Fist."

Love Fist took to the stage. "Before we play, I'd like to dedicate this song to the Scottish National Soccer Team who are now taking part in the World Cup."

Then the band started to perform.

**Are you feeling the fire?  
Are you ready to explode?  
Are your dreams and desires,  
running down an open road?**

**I'm like a runaway,  
a heart without a home.  
Others can laugh and play.  
I'll fight for every inch I take.  
I'm desperate to the bone.**

**Stay hungry.  
Feel the fire.  
Stay hungry.  
Don't explode.  
Stay hungry.  
With desire.  
Stay hungry.  
You're alone.**

**Be the hunter and the hunted.  
Keep your target in your sight.  
Don't be sidetracked or shunted.  
Let pretenders feel your bite.**

**And if you start to slide,  
never show you're weak.  
Don't feel you've got to hide.  
Remember what you're fighting for.  
Remember what you seek.**

**Stay hungry.  
Feel the fire.  
Stay hungry.  
Don't explode.  
Stay hungry.  
With desire.  
Stay hungry.  
You're alone.  
Alright!**

**If your fire is faded,  
and you can't feel it no more.  
If you're tired and overrated,  
let me show you to the door.**

**Expect no sympathy,  
there's none to be had.  
Open your eyes and see.  
There's no room for the wannabes,  
the has beens and the bad.**

**Stay hungry.  
Feel the fire.  
Stay hungry.  
Don't explode.  
Stay hungry.  
With desire.  
Stay hungry.  
You're alone.**

**Stay hungry.  
Feel the fire.  
Stay hungry.  
Don't explode.  
Stay hungry.  
With desire.  
Stay hungry.  
You're alone.**

-"Stay Hungry" by Twisted Sister.

"Coming up soon, we have more action for you." announced Phil.

"Later." said Jezz. "I have to make a phone call."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Hunters walked down a street in Athens.

"If I don't kill someone soon, I'm going to forget how." said Korpi.

"Well, look at the bright side." said Darden. "Maybe DeMarco got us some decent cars this time."

The Hunters entered a parking lot and stopped.

"No such luck." said Korpi.

In front of them were a blue Toyota Tercel, a white Honda Prelude, a tan Chevy Nova station wagon with a white roof, and a yellow Mazda RX-7. A note was taped to the front of the Tercel.

"Get the note." said Paul.

Joe picked up the note and read it. "Dear morons. Due to your most recent setbacks, I am forced to bring in more of my cars and more of Lance's. Darden and Korpi get the Tercel which I call the Manana. Joe and Max get the Prelude, which is called Previon. Paul and Feliz will get the Perennial, which is the Nova wagon. And Lance and Johnny get the RX-7, whatever the expletive deleted they call it."

"The ZR-350." said Lance.

"Where's DeMarco if this is so important to him?" asked Johnny.

Joe kept reading. "I will be going to Germany to get some assistance from the Volks Corporation. Hopefully, you expletive deleted losers can lessen the difficulty of my task, but I doubt it."

"Okay, let's not stand around talking." said Korpi.

The Hunters got into their cars.

"Nice to see DeMarco has such high regard for us." said Korpi.

"You got that right." said Darden. "Hey, turn on the radio."

"Why?" asked Korpi as he went to turn on the radio.

"Maybe we can find some coverage on the Cannonball and see where they are." said Darden.

Korpi turned on the radio, then started the car.

"The Cannonballers are now racing through Europe." said the host of a sports show. "The phones are ringing off the hook for that. Is there anyone else out there? You know, World Cup Soccer is also going on and for some reason, we haven't heard from anyone supporting Scotland's soccer team. If there are any Scottish soccer fans out there, call in and let yourself be heard. Hello, you're on the air."

"This is Jezz Torrent from Love Fist!"

"Oh, really?" said the host. "So, you're calling in support of the Scottish soccer team?"

"That I am." said Jezz.

"So, what do you want to say?" asked the host.

"Well, you wanted some Scottish soccer fans to call in. So, I'm calling in." said Jezz.

"Wait, you're calling in just to say you're calling in?" asked the host.

"Aye, you got a better reason?" asked Jezz. Korpi quickly turned off the radio.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Italy...

"Okay, guys." said DeMarco. "Your targets are the Cannonballers. You are to take them out with extreme prejudice using whatever means you have. Are you ready?"

The chamber in front of him didn't answer.

"They really should have put some way of communicating with these spirits on this thing." said DeMarco. "Okay, get ready. And go!"

He opened the chamber and a horde of ghosts flew out. Just then, the Buccaneer drove up and Foyt and the Warrior climbed out.

"You're using ghosts now?" asked Foyt.

"Yeah, ain't it cool?" asked DeMarco. "I've had to resort to these measures due to the incompetence of the Hunters."

"But aren't ghosts just a little over the top for this?" asked Foyt.

"You should be one to talk, Foyt." said DeMarco. "Wasn't it you who lost the Windsor in Springfield?"

"Um...wow, look at those ghosts go." said Foyt.

One ghost hadn't flown off with the others. Instead, he hung around DeMarco and listened in. "The Cannonballers." he said to himself. "So, the Volks Corporation does have connections with this guy. I have to help them."

XXXXXXXXXX

In Romania, the Cocotte stopped in a village. The Turtles then entered a store.

"Ah, smell that garlic." said Leonardo. "Reminds me of the pizza places back home."

"Yeah, we should grab some." said Michaelangelo. "I'm making plans for a totally gnarly pizza and I plan to make my own sauce."

"Uh, Michaelangelo." said Donatello. "I just did a quick tally of the price of the ingredients and we can't afford everything."

"You say you want garlic?" asked a mysterious stranger. He had long, black hair, a black coat, and a black hat.

"Who are you?" asked Leonardo.

"Someone who wants to see you're safe." said the stanger. "I'll buy the garlic for you. But remember not to make your pizza until you're safely out of Transylvania."

"Ye-eah." said Raphael. "If you pay us a visit to New York, we'll give you a silver knife. But just remember not to cut anything until you're safely out of werewolf country."

"You can mock me right now." said the stranger. "But you'll be very happy once you've survived the night."

"Dude, take his offer." said Michaelangelo.

"Ah, why not?" said Leonardo. "Michaelangelo, surely even you can wait for a pizza."

"Just as Master Splinter says." said Michaelangelo. "Good things come to those who wait."

"That's not Master Splinter, that's a ketchup commercial." said Donatello.

"Well, it sounded like something he'd say." said Michaelangelo.

A few minutes later, the Turtles were back on the road. The stranger walked away to an eight-foot-tall creature with a green glow coming from under a glass dome on his head.

"Who were those beings?" asked the creature.

"Travelers." said the stranger. "I gave them some protection for their journey through Transylvania."

"Protection from Dracula, Van Helsing?" asked the creature.

"Let's hope they heed my warning." said Van Helsing.

XXXXXXXXXX

The ghosts flew down an Italian highway, possessing several objects along the way.

A woman watched the chaos and got scared. Another ghost noticed and possessed her.

The Modo Prego raced towards the spectral mass.

"Hmmm." said Peter in the passenger seat.

"Hmmm, what?" asked Winston from the driver's seat.

"This is the weirdest reading so far." said Peter as he looked at the PKE Meter.

The horde of ghosts continued their way down the highway, possessing a few cars along the way.

"Either this thing's really gone haywire or there's..." said Peter.

"...a horde of ghosts ahead of us!" yelled Winston.

"Right." said Peter.

He looked up and saw the ghosts. He and Winston screamed as they swerved around the horde.

"What happened?" asked Louis as he woke up.

"Grab your proton pack, Louis." said Peter. "It's time for busting ghosts."

Peter and Winston jumped out of the car and threw on their proton packs. Peter quickly dropped a pair of ghost detector goggles over his eyes.

"I got this one." said Peter as he dropped a ghost trap and pressed the pedal. The trap opened and sucked in one of the ghosts.

Winston used his particle stream thrower to get another pair of ghosts under control. Louis dropped a trap and captured the two ghosts.

"Nice work." said Winston.

"Thanks." said Louis.

Peter backed up and asked "Winston, what has four wheels and flies?"

"This is no time for jokes, Peter!" said Winston.

"Who's joking?" asked Peter as he pointed his particle stream thrower at a possessed car that was flying towards him.

He and Winston aimed at the car and let fly with their particle stream throwers. The car exploded after a few seconds.

"Cannonballers." said the woman. "So nice of you to come to me."

Peter looked over her with his detector goggles. "She's possessed." he announced.

"Louis, get the de-possessor out of the car." said Winston. "It looks like a taser."

Louis went to the car while Peter and Winston aimed at the woman.

"Hurry, Louis." said Peter.

"Got it." said Louis.

"Good, zap her." said Winston.

Louis fired the de-possessor at the woman.

"How many times have we used that?" asked Peter.

"This will be test one." said Winston.

Suddenly, the ghost was torn out of the woman. Unfortunately, the de-possessor also caused her hair to stand on end.

Peter and Winston immediately trapped the ghost in their particle streams and Louis threw in a ghost trap. He hit the pedal and trapped the ghost.

"Where's the rest?" asked Winston.

"They're running." said Peter. "I guess we showed them."

The formerly possessed woman stumbled over mumbling incoherantly.

"Louis, take care of her." said Peter.

Louis led the woman away and said "You know, I was possessed once and turned into a dog. But look at me now."

"Those ghosts were after the Cannonballers." said Winston. "If we don't capture them, they could cause serious trouble."

"Right, we have to get our detectors online." said Peter. He took the PKE meter out of his belt and checked the readings. "This is weird."

"How?" asked Winston.

"According to this, these ghosts are artificial." said Peter.

"Artificial?" asked Winston. "How's that possible?"

"Someone must have developed a method of extracting a person's spirit from their body." said Peter. "After that, they have the same abilities and powers as Class 2 free-roaming vapors."

Winston took out his PDA and checked the map of Europe. "Okay, this is the race route." he said. "If we can track down these ghosts, we can..."

Suddenly, the ghost who'd been spying on DeMarco popped up on the PDA and said "Hello." He scared the living daylights out of them. "Sorry about that." he said.

"Who are you?" asked Peter.

"My name is John Raimi." said the ghost. "I'm a scientist who was sent with a commando squad to rescue a friend from the Volks Corporation. I was captured and subjected to a terrible experiment."

"I take it you were separated from your body and sent to fight us." said Winston.

"Correct." said John. "The Volks Corporation is attempting to assemble an army of ghosts."

"Did they read Egon's notebook?" asked Peter.

"How many were there?" asked Winston.

"Maybe thirty." said John.

"Looks like we have a lot of work ahead of us." said Peter.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Spain, the Mystery Inc. team made their way through the Pyrenee Mountains.

"Sorry we didn't go through Italy, guys." said Freddie.

"Oh, no problem." said Shaggy. "I guess we can save room for France."

"Ruh huh." said Scooby. "Rooh rah rah."

"What's going on here?" asked Daphne. The traffic ahead of them was backed up and not moving.

"I'll check." said Freddie as he pulled up next to a police officer. "Excuse me, what's going on here?"

"I'm terribly sorry, senor." said the officer. "There's been a landslide. We're diverting traffic down Highway 4."

"But that will add hours to our journey." said Freddie. "Is there a shorter route?"

"Well, you could take the Juan Escobar Trail." said the officer. "Unfortunately, that's only traversible if you have an off-road vehicle."

Freddie turned to the others with a mischievous look in his eye.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Arizona, Monk looked at a map of Europe in the command center. LL Cool J walked in.

"Wassup, Cool J?" asked Nash.

"Just getting bored out there and I came in to see what you were doing." said Cool J. "Hey, is that Adrian Monk?"

"It sure is." said Nash.

"What's he up to?" asked Cool J.

"He's helping us set up a trap for those guys with the EDB." said Nash.

"Wow, I've heard of this guy." said Cool J. "It's kind of cool to see him in action."

Monk turned around and said "Mr. Cool J, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. That's really distracting."

"Oh, was I talking too loud?" asked Cool J. "No problem, I'll shut up."

"No, no. It's your pants." said Monk. "You've got one pant leg pulled halfway up your shin and the other is down to your ankle. Please, either leave or fix your pant leg."

"But that's my style." said Cool J.

Monk looked at him pleadingly.

"Oh, alright." said Cool J. He pulled his pant leg down. When Monk turned back, Cool J pulled his pant leg back up.

"I saw that." said Monk.

Cool J groaned and walked out of the room.

"Adrian, why did you do that?" asked Nash. "That's one of the few rap artists I can respect."

"Nash, this is very tedious work." said Monk. "I have to look at this map and try to plot where the guys with the EDB are going to strike and try to ignore little mistakes like this bridge that only goes halfway across the Irish Sea. WHY IS THERE A BRIDGE THERE ON THIS MAP?"

"Because the bridge is there in reality." said Nessa. "The Bluths tried building it from Scotland to Londonderry, but they discovered the Irish terminus would cut through a landmark called the Giant's Causeway. Rather than infuriate the government, they decided to move the bridge. It now runs from Wales to the Isle of Man to Belfast. However, they didn't have time to remove the half-bridge and it's still there."

Monk's eyes widened with a sudden inspiration. "I think I have a plan!" he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

Freddie parked at the start of the Juan Escobar Trail. Just as the officer explained, it was an extremely rough trail designed for off-roaders. He took one last look at the others, then at the thick traffic behind him.

"Last chance to back out." he said.

"We've come this far." said Velma.

"Go for it." said Daphne.

Freddie put the ice cream truck in gear and drove onto the trail. The truck bounced over the rocky terrain.

In the back, Shaggy and Scooby were tossed around while they ate their ice cream.

"Ironicly, I'm eating rocky road." said Shaggy.

Freddie drove up a mountain and continued bouncing around.

"You can do it." said Daphne.

Freddie continued up a sharp incline. The truck leaned forward after he crested a rise, then back when he went up another hill. Then, he reached the top of the trail and came to a stop.

"Well, that's it." he said.

"What do you mean 'that's it'?" asked Velma. "We're only halfway through the trail."

"No, I mean 'That's it, we're stuck'." said Freddie.

He was right. The ice cream truck had high-centered and was now tetering on a rocky peak. Out of self-disgust, he leaned his head onto the steering wheel and was surprised when the truck leaned forward a little.

"Do that again." said Daphne.

Freddie quickly leaned forward again. The truck leaned forward again, but not enough to free itself. He continued to rock back and forth. The truck did so as well, but didn't come close to touching the ground.

"Keep it up. You're doing it." said Velma.

"I'm trying, but we're not making contact." said Freddie. "We're too heavy in the rear."

"Maybe we should move some of the ice cream up front." said Shaggy. "You know, like, in our stomachs."

"Shaggy, I've got an idea." said Freddie. "Come with me outside."

Freddie and Shaggy climbed out of the truck and ran to the back. They climbed up the back and onto the roof, then made their way to the front. They then dropped down the front and held onto the roof while shaking.

"Keep it up. Keep it up." said Freddie.

The truck finally fell forward and hit the road. In fact, it rolled down the trail out of control.

"We did it!" yelled Velma.

"Wait, who's driving?" asked Daphne.

"Roh no!" said Scooby.

"I did not think this through!" said Freddie as he and Shaggy held onto the windshield wipers for dear life.

At the bottom of the hill, Sam and Max walked away from the Bryanston V.

"Couldn't we stop at a rest area instead?" asked Max.

"Nah, this is all part of the journey." said Sam.

The ice cream truck rumbled by behind them. They turned around, but didn't see it. They shrugged and moved on.

"You know, I hope we can stop before we hit the turn." said Freddie.

"What turn?" asked Shaggy. He turned around and saw a sharp right turn ahead. "Oh, that one." he said.

The truck went off the trail at the turn and Freddie and Shaggy were thrown from the truck into the clearing on the other side.

"Zoinks, that was close." said Shaggy.

The truck then pulled through the trees and lumbered towards them. They grabbed onto each other. Then the truck rolled over them, but they managed to stay below the frame rails and were not injured.

Scooby managed to get the truck stopped and Daphne and Velma jumped out.

"Are you guys alright?" asked Velma.

"Yeah, we're fine." said Shaggy.

"Good, now let's get back into the truck and go." said Daphne.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Turtles continued their journey through Transylvania.

"Faster, dude!" yelled Michaelangelo.

"I'm going as fast as the car will go." said Leonardo. "The roads aren't helping much."

"Relax, Michaelangelo." said Donatello. "We only got the ingredients an hour ago. They're not going to go bad just yet."

Suddenly, the Cocotte was hit by a shot from the EDB and crept to a halt.

"Yeah, we're really whizzing now." said Raphael.

The Perrenial drove past them. "So long, shellbacks!" yelled Paul.

"That's for what you did to us in the Pacific!" yelled Feliz.

"Those scuzbuckets!" yelled Michaelangelo.

"Hey, guys!" said Donatello. "There's a castle over there. Maybe we can take shelter there until help arrives."

"It doesn't look safe, but I guess we have no choice." said Leonardo.

"Better hurry, it's getting dark." said Raphael.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Are you sure this is going to work?" asked Linda.

"Positive." said Mitzi. "If we get those two brothers in the police car, it'll definitely work."

"Wait, here comes someone." said Mia.

"Okay, girls." said Mitzi. "Now!"

The girls all unzipped their jumpsuits as the car raced towards them. After they showed some cleavage, the car stopped.

"Nice work." said Mitzi.

"Wait, look who it is!" said Nichole. She pointed to the car that had stopped, the Zender Alpha.

Lara, Joanna, Chun Li, and Cate climbed out. "What do you think you're doing?" asked Lara.

"Uh...getting some sun?" asked Kim as she zipped up. The other girls followed suit.

"You're ripping off our routine!" said Chun Li.

"Yeah!" added Joanna.

"Well, it's not like it was you who came up with it!" said Mia. "I'm sure you remember Jill Rivers and Marcie Thatcher!"

"We're fighting on the side of the Cannonball!" said Cate. "It's more our routine than yours!"

"It's not like Rivers and Thatcher patented their routine." said Mitzi.

"Maybe not, but it's gonna take a lot more than that to stop us!" said Lara as she drew her guns. Joanna and Cate did so as well and Chun Li took a fighting stance.

"More than this?" asked Mitzi. "Then, how about this?" She and the others started to merge into a giant woman.

"This could be a problem." said Joanna.

"You think?" asked Cate.

"Not necessarily." said Chun Li.

Chun Li ran and took a leap at the giant. The giant woman tried to grab her, but Chun Li went into her Lightning Leg attack. She knocked back the alien giant and landed successfully. As the giant turned to grab her again, Chun Li launched into her Rising Kick.

"Bet she does the Spinning Bird Kick next." whispered Joanna.

"Spinning Bird Kick!" called Chun Li as she turned upside-down and spun with her legs extended to the sides. She pressed into the giant with full force and knocked her down.

The giant split back into her individual girls who all turned and ran.

"My strength must have been something you weren't ready for!" said Chun Li.

"Nice work." said Lara. "The rest of us didn't even have to fire a shot."

"Hey, if it keeps us going in the race..." said Chun Li.

"Wait, the race!" said Cate. "We have to get going!"

"Not just yet." said Chun Li. She jumped over to the girls' motorcycles and unleashed her Lightning Leg attack on them. They were quickly destroyed.

"Awesome!" said Joanna.

"And the finishing touch." said Chun Li as she stepped over to Christine. She unleashed another Lightning Leg and tore up the car.

"Nice!" said Lara. "Now, let's go."

The girls got back into the Zender Alpha and left.

"Well, there goes our transportation." said Kim.

"That goddamn shitter just destroyed her!" said Nichole.

"She's a little too attached to that car." said Linda.

Just then, Christine started to reform.

"This is giving me the willies." said Mia.

Within seconds, Christine had fully repaired herself.

"Well, ladies." said Nichole. "Let's go."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Turtles entered the castle. The place was very dusty and filled with broken furniture.

"You know, when I get my own place, it's gonna look just like this." said Raphael.

A tall man in a dark cloak appeared next to them. "Who...or WHAT are you?" he asked.

"We're the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." said Leonardo.

"Sheya, don't you watch television?" asked Michaelangelo.

"I do not." said the man. "What is your business in my castle?"

"We were passing through when we had some car trouble." said Donatello.

"Is it okay if we stay here until help arrives?" asked Leonardo.

"And do you have a kitchen we can use?" asked Michaelangelo.

"By all means." said the man. "The kitchen is in there."

"Thanks." said Leonardo.

XXXXXXXXXX

"This is the Cocotte, but where are the Turtles?" asked Stone Cold.

"It's not like them to lose a fight." said Buffy. "And it doesn't look like there was one."

"Battery's dead." said Butler. "That battery draining weapon must've taken them out."

"There's a castle over there." said Artemis. "They might have gone there for shelter."

"If they did, then they're in serious danger."

Van Helsing and his very large friend approached.

"Who are you?" asked Willow.

"I am Gabriel Van Helsing. And this is the creature created by Doctor Frankenstein."

"Nice to meet you." said Frankenstein.

"What's this about the Turtles being in danger?" asked Rob.

"If these Turtles of yours entered that castle, they're in danger from its resident." said Van Helsing.

"That castle is the summer home of the notorious Count Dracula." said Frankenstein.

"Dracula again?" asked Buffy.

"You've encountered him before?" asked Van Helsing.

"Yup, every year." said Stone Cold.

"Then, I'm going to need your help to face him." said Van Helsing. "You've encountered him before, so you're experienced."

"Let's go." said Buffy. "Who's with me?"

"I am." said Willow.

"Me too." said Artemis.

Nemesis roared.

"Then, we'll go rescue your Turtles now?" asked Frankenstein.

"You said it, Frankie-baby." said Xander.

XXXXXXXXXX

Inside the castle, Donatello and Raphael looked around the room they were in.

"I think a maid service would clean up in a place like this." said Donatello.

"Good, because somebody should." said Raphael.

Leonardo entered from the second floor and jumped down the staircase.

"What's up, Leonardo?" asked Donatello.

"Guys, I just did a sweep of the castle." said Leonardo.

"Take another one, it's still messy." said Raphael.

"I think there's a bigger problem than the mess." said Leonardo. "There's no bed in the master bedroom. And in the basement, there's a series of coffins."

"Wait, Leonardo." said Donatello. "Are you suggesting our gracious host is a vampire?"

"That's about the size of it." said Leonardo.

"Great, let's get Michaelangelo and blow this pop stand." said Raphael.

"Leaving so soon?" asked the strange man.

"I think our assistance is arriving soon." said Donatello.

"Right, so we're just going to grab our friend," said Raphael "and hopefully his pizza, and bid you a fond farewell. Maybe we should exchange e-mail addresses?"

"I think not." said the man. "I believe you'll be staying quite a while." He bared his fangs at that moment.

"Leonardo, you were right!" said Donatello. "He is a vampire!"

"I am more than just a vampire." said the man. "I am none other than Count Dracula. And you are...ARRRGGHHH!!!"

As Dracula recoiled in pain, the Turtles sniffed the air.

"Is that smell what I think it is?" asked Raphael.

"It is!" said Leonardo.

Michaelangelo walked in with a pizza and said "Pizza time!"

"I've never been so glad to see a pizza in my life!" said Donatello.

"And coming from one of us, that says a lot!" said Raphael.

"Fer sure." said Michaelangelo. "I even had a lot of garlic left over, so I made it into a topping."

"You may be wielding a weapon that can repulse me," said Dracula. "but I have a trick up my sleeve. As I speak, several of my friends are on their way."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Leonardo.

Suddenly, various creatures came out of a few doors.

"Meet my army." said Dracula. "Now, please take that pizza away or I will order them to attack."

"Man, there's just no accounting for taste!" said Michaelangelo.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Crown Mail, Torrida, and PT Phoenix raced down a hill and turned onto the bridge to Dracula's castle. The three vehicles stopped in front of the castle and the occupants climbed out. Van Helsing and Frankenstein had been riding in the Crown Mail.

"So, this is it, then." said Willow.

"Right, let's go up and knock on the door." said Van Helsing.

"Hey, guys." said J.D. as he pointed to the sign for Dracula's Castle. "Dracula." He then used a stone to make a period between the "R" and "A". "Dr. Acula." he said.

"Hey, that's not a bad idea." he thought. "I'll get started on the screenplay as soon as we get home."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Turtles had their weapons out and were ready to defend themselves from the monsters.

"They're all around us." said Donatello.

"Then, we'll go down fighting like true ninjas." said Leonardo.

"Maybe Michaelangelo can use that pizza as a force field projector." said Raphael. He turned to Michaelangelo to see him licking his fingers. "Uh, this is probably a stupid question, but where's the pizza?"

"I ate it." said Michaelangelo.

"Yeah, stupid question." said Raphael.

"It's going to take all our skills to get out of this one." said Donatello. "And nothing short of a miracle."

Just then, Nemesis burst through the door and growled. Frankenstein smashed through the other of the double doors and said "Now, that's the way to knock."

The other Cannonballers and Van Helsing followed them.

"You!" yelled Dracula.

"Two vampire hunters..." said Van Helsing.

"...no waiting." said Buffy.

XXXXXXXXXX

Back at Cannonball headquarters, Big Schwag and Frankie were watching the scene unfold.

"Ooh, looks like some major buttkicking is about to start." said Frankie.

"You know, I think they could use some fight music." said Schwag. "Hey, Lenny!"

"All set up." said Lenny Kravitz. "Any requests?"

"Well, the fight is taking place in a ballroom." said Frankie.

"Yeah, it's taking place in a BALLROOM." said Schwag.

"Got it." said Lenny. He started to play.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Ooh, I love this song." said J.D.

"Let's go for it." said Butler.

**Are you ready, Steve?  
Uh-huh.  
Andy?  
Yeah.  
Mick?  
Okay.  
Alright, fellas.  
Let's go.**

The Cannonballers and monsters jumped into action.

**Oh, it's been getting so hard.  
Living with the things you do to me, a-ah.  
My dreams are getting so strange.  
I'd like to tell you everything I see, hmmmm.**

Stone Cold grabbed a zombie and performed a suplex. The zombie's upper torso came apart from its abdomen. "Well, I can honestly say that's never happened before!" said Stone Cold.

**Oh, I see a man at the back as a matter of fact,  
and his eyes are as red as the sun.  
And the girl in the corner, let no one ignore her,  
'cause she thinks she's the passionate one.**

Leonardo made a cross with his katanas and held a vampire at bay. "Don't do it!" he said. "Turtle blood is bad for you!"

**Oh yeah! It was like lightning.  
Everybody was frightning.  
And the music was soothing.  
And they all started grooving.**

A werewolf pounced on Nemesis, but he threw it headfirst into the wall. It got back up only to be knocked down again by a zombie thrown by Frankenstein.

**Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.  
And the man in the back said "Everyone attack,  
and it turned into a ballroom blitz.  
And the girl in the corner said "Boy, I want to warn you.  
It'll turn into a ballroom blitz"  
Ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz.**

Donatello used his bo staff to knock a zombie off of its feet. He then used it to pole vault into a werewolf and knock it down. After he landed next to a large table, Butler threw a vampire his way and said "Heads up!"

Donatello used his bo staff to impale the vampire. "Nice toss." he said.

Butler ran back into the fray. Then, Xander vaulted over the table and said "Get this guy, Donnie!" Donatello raised his staff a little and tripped the werewolf that was following him.

**I'm reaching out for something.  
Touching nothing's all I ever do.  
Oh, I softly call you over.  
When you appear, there's nothing left of you, a-ha.**

Rob wrestled with a werewolf. Suddenly, the werewolf relaxed its grip and passed out. J.D. stepped out from behind it with a hypodermic needle.

"Is that stuff good to drink?" asked Rob.

J.D. looked at the needle. "Nope." he said.

**Now, the man in the back is ready to crack.  
And he raises his hands to the sky.  
And the girl in the corner is everybody's mourner.  
She could kill you with a wink of her eye.**

Raphael and Michaelangelo backed into each other with a pair of werewolves charging from either side.

"Raphael, what goes 'quack'?" asked Michaelangelo.

"Duck?" asked Raphael.

"Exactimundo!" said Michaelangelo. They dropped to the ground and the werewolves crashed into each other head-on.

**Oh yeah! It was electric.  
So frantically hectic.  
And the band started leaving.  
'Cause they all stopped breathing.**

Artemis stood between a pair of vampires and Willow. "Better watch out." he said. "This is very dangerous."

Willow quickly raised her hands and said "Eseht gnidaer llits uoy era!" A flash of light burst out and disintegrated the vampires.

"On the other hand, you are experienced in this." said Artemis.

**Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.  
And the man in the back said "Everyone attack,  
and it turned into a ballroom blitz.  
And the girl in the corner said "Boy, I want to warn you.  
It'll turn into a ballroom blitz"  
Ballroom blitz, blitz, blitz...**

Finally, Buffy and Van Helsing faced off with Dracula himself.

"Don't you get tired of this?" asked Dracula.

"Nope." said Buffy.

"Neither do I." said Van Helsing.

**Oh yeah! It was like lightning.  
Everybody was frightning.  
And the music was soothing.  
And they all started grooving.**

Dracula started to attack Buffy and Van Helsing. Buffy blocked his first punch while Van Helsing struck with a quarter staff.

Dracula then tried to grab Van Helsing only to be kicked in the stomach and chest by Buffy.

**Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.  
And the man in the back said "Everyone attack,  
and it turned into a ballroom blitz.  
And the girl in the corner said "Boy, I want to warn you.  
It'll turn into a ballroom blitz"  
Ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz.**

Van Helsing extended a pair of spinning blades from his sleeves and approached Dracula.

While Dracula defended himself from Van Helsing's blades, Buffy performed a foot sweep.

**It this the ballroom blitz.  
It this the ballroom blitz.  
It this the ballroom blitz.  
Yeah, it's a ballroom blitz.**

-"Ballroom Blitz" by Sweet.

Van Helsing drove his quarter-staff into Dracula's chest. Buffy followed up by jumping on the quarter-staff and driving it through Dracula's heart.

"This isn't over..." gasped Dracula as he disintegrated.

"You realize his Resurrection spell is still in play." said Van Helsing.

"Oh yeah, he does that every year." said Buffy.

XXXXXXXXXX

After the battle, the Cannonballers left the castle.

"Excellent!" yelled Michaelangelo. The other Turtles cheered with him.

"Awesome!" yelled Leonardo. The other Turtles cheered with him.

"Righteous!" yelled Raphael. The other Turtles cheered with him.

"Bossanova!" yelled Donatello. The other Turtles stared at him. "Chevy Nova?" he said.

"Come on, guys." said Buffy. "Let's get that battery recharged."

"This is going to keep happening." said Artemis. "We need to do something to stop it."

"Right, we'll talk this over with the race officials." said Stone Cold.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Alps, Bugs was driving the Crusero.

"Compared to our performance in Europe last year, we're doing a little better timewise." said Daffy.

"I'm just hoping to make the ferry to England." said Bugs.

Just then, Joe and Max drove alongside in the Previon.

"Okay, we'll do this quick and painfully." said Joe. "Get your gun ready."

"It's wabbit season." said Max as he pulled out his gun.

Wile E. pounded the roof to get Bugs' and Daffy's attention, then held up a sign with an arrow pointing to Joe and Max.

"Uh oh, this could be a problem." said Daffy.

"Hope they're worse shots than that guy who can't say the letter 'r'." said Bugs.

"Ready...aim..." said Joe. Suddenly, the Previon crashed into a sign.

"Nice driving." said Max.

Joe backed up and took off after the Crusero again. They caught up and pulled alongside again.

"Ready...aim..." said Joe. Suddenly, the Previon crashed into a tree.

"Again?" said Max.

Joe backed up and returned to the chase. He caught up with the Crusero and pulled alongside again.

"Ready...aim..." said Joe. Suddenly, he let out a scream as the Previon drove off a cliff and plunged towards the roof of a barn.

"Please be full of hay! Please be full of hay!" pleaded Max.

The Previon tore through the roof of the barn.

"Well, he did it." said Daffy. "I guess I owe you five bucks."

A farmer looked at the barn in surprise, then went back to what he was doing. A second later, Joe and Max staggered out of the barn.

"Hey, uh, you weren't planning on selling that old Jag in there, were you?" asked Max.

"No." said the confused farmer.

"Good." said Joe.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Modicum XSV drove through the countryside. Kermit slept in back next to Animal while Fozzie drove.

"Are we going to stop for rest anytime soon?" asked Gonzo.

"If we can find a place." said Fozzie. "Hey, there's a convenience store."

"PIT STOP! PIT STOP!" said Animal.

Kermit woke up.

"Kermit, we're going to stop for refeshments." said Gonzo.

"Oh, okay." said Kermit. "It'll be good to stretch my legs."

A minute later, the Muppets entered the store.

"Wow, look at all this stuff." said Fozzie.

"Nice selection." said Kermit.

"Hey, Kermit." said Gonzo. "Look at this."

They all looked at a poster of a World War 2 battle.

"Apparently, a major battle of World War 2 was fought close to here." said Kermit. "It also looks like you can get your picture taken in front of the poster."

"PICTURE! PICTURE!" said Animal.

"Why not?" asked Kermit. "Sir, can you take our picture in front of the poster?"

"Oh, sure." said the clerk.

"Hey, I've got an idea." said Fozzie. "Let's all look like we're running away from the battle in terror."

"Good idea." said Kermit.

They all lined up in front of the poster and reached forward with their mouths open in terror. The clerk set up the camera.

"Hey, how much is this gonna cost?" asked Gonzo.

"That will be ten Euros." said the clerk. "Twelve and I throw in a model of the Eiffel Tower. Ready? Say 'cheese'."

"Why is he giving us a model of the Eiffel Tower?" asked Kermit.

"Because we're in France." said Fozzie.

Kermit screamed as their picture was taken. "We're in France?" he asked.

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?" asked Fozzie.

"Guys, don't you know what they do with frogs' legs in France?" asked Kermit.

Gonzo recoiled. "First, my lovelies. Now, my best friend's legs." he said. "Well, no more! Let's get you out of here."

They turned to leave and faced the clerk.

"Don't worry." he said. "I'm a vegetarian."

"Okay, let's go." said Kermit.

XXXXXXXXXX

Louis drove the Modo Prego through Austria.

"I've got a couple of those ghosts on the PKE Meter." said Winston.

"After the last four, these should be no problem." said Peter.

"Guys, I think we should refer to these artificial ghosts as Geists." said Louis. "That way, we can differentiate them from the real ghosts."

"Real ghosts?" asked John.

"Present company excepted." said Louis.

"Good idea." said Peter. "Now, where are the ones we're tracking?"

"Not far ahead." said Winston.

Up ahead were the Fripon X and Interna.

"I don't get it." said Butthead. "Weren't we in Austria not long ago?"

"Yeah, heh heh." said Beavis. "It wasn't this mountainy though."

"And weren't there more deserts?" asked Butthead.

"And there were those kangaroo fartknockers." said Beavis.

"Yeah, this place has changed, huh huh." said Butthead.

"Well, guys." said Francis. "This is the country where Ah-nuld is from."

"It's nice." said Reese as he popped a doughnut hole into his mouth.

"I can't wait to see the land of our forebears." said Malcolm. "Hey, Reese. Pass me a doughnut hole."

"Those were for all of us?" asked Reese.

"Yeah, they are." said Malcolm. "Give me one."

"This is the last one." said Reese as he started to pop the last one into his mouth.

Malcolm turned around and tried to wrestle it away from him. Francis tried hard to maintain control over the car.

Just down the road, DeMarco waited with the Voodoo and a pair of Geists. "Okay, we've got a couple of targets approaching." he said. "Are you two ready to earn your keep?"

"We are." said one of the Geists.

"Good. Get ready." said DeMarco.

The Fripon X and Interna raced around the turn. The two Geists floated into the road and into the path of the cars. As the cars passed, the Geists entered them and possessed them.

"What the...?" yelled Francis as the car started to drive itself.

"Francis, what did you do?" asked Reese.

Malcolm turned to the camera and asked "Why does all the weird stuff happen to us?"

"Whoa! The car is driving itself." said Butthead.

"Cool! Cool!" said Beavis. "Heh heh! Let it take over! Heh heh!"

"Oh great. Two Cannonballers' cars have been possessed." said Winston.

"We have to help them. Come on." said Peter.

The Jersey XS pulled alongside. "What's going on?" asked Buckaroo.

"Ghost problem." said Louis.

"Need help?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"On this one, we do." said Winston.

The Modo Prego and Jersey XS happened upon the scene. The Fripon X and Interna were racing around quickly.

"The Geists are trying to scare the occupants." said John.

"Why are they doing that?" asked Peter. "Besides the fact that it's fun, that is?"

"If a human is sufficiently terrorized, a Geist can possess him and not before." said John.

"Looks like they're well on their way to that." said Winston.

Peter, Winston, and Louis jumped out of the car with their equipment ready. The Interna took off down the road and activated its nitrous.

"They're running!" said Louis.

"Wuss." said Peter.

"We can't go after them." said Winston. "We're needed here."

"I'm on it." said Buckaroo.

"Take this." said Peter as he handed him a trap.

The Ghostbusters trained their particle stream throwers on the Fripon X.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to use these on an occupied car?" asked Winston.

"No." said Peter.

"I've got an idea." said Louis. "John said that these Geists can only possess a human when they're scared? Maybe one of us should get scared."

"But we're Ghostbusters." said Peter. "We ain't..."

"We get the point." said Winston and Louis.

"Ooh, this is tasty." said DeMarco while sitting on the hood of the Voodoo.

Suddenly, the hydraulics on the Voodoo started to work and the car started to hop around. DeMarco grabbed onto the hood as the vehicle started to buck around like a mad bull.

"Yeah." said Peter as he put away his particle stream thrower.

"Ride 'im, cowboy!" said Winston as he did the same.

Just then, the Fripon X stopped moving. Louis used his detector goggles to track the Geist that had vacated the car. When it passed in front of the trap he was holding, he hit the switch and sucked it in.

DeMarco was finally thrown from the Voodoo.

"Sorry about that, guys." said John over the Voodoo's radio. "I couldn't let him know my plan."

"Hey, it's alright." said Winston as Malcolm climbed out of the Fripon X. "That was the best part so far."

"Hey, is that ghost in that trap?" asked Malcolm.

"Yeah." said Peter.

Malcolm leaned in close to the trap and yelled "Knock it off!"

The Interna rocketed down the road.

"We're flying. Huh huh." said Butthead.

"Warp speed, Mr. Sulu! Heh heh." said Beavis. "But Keptin! The Klingons are attecking us! Heh heh!"

The Jersey XS was not far behind, but still behind.

"If we don't catch him soon, he could reach a populated area." said Sydney.

"I'm going as fast as I can." said Buckaroo. "We used up our nitrous in Albania."

"Can't we use the Hyperthruster?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"It's worth a try." said Buckaroo. He activated the Hyperthruster and the Jersey XS shot to high speed. They caught up with the Interna in short order.

"Now what?" asked Sydney.

"Now, I get out of the car and get into theirs." said Buckaroo.

"Is that safe?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"Never is." said Buckaroo. "There is one huge problem, though. If I were to climb out while the Hyperthruster is in use, it will have to work harder to compensate and burn out faster."

"And you WANT that to happen?" asked Sydney.

"It's that or potential death." said Buckaroo as he climbed out the window. He jumped to the hood of the Interna after he passed out of the Hyperthruster field.

"This thing is going to eat itself in a few seconds!" said Perfect Tommy as he tried to keep the Jersey XS under control.

"Try to shut it down." said Sydney.

"Why me?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"First of all, you're in the front seat." said Sydney. "Second of all, you're perfect."

"You have a point there." said Perfect Tommy as he started to shut down the Hyperthruster.

Buckaroo clung to the hood of the Interna as the Jersey XS started to slow down. He held onto the ghost trap as the car continued to race. He started to scream.

The Geist started to come out of the Interna. In the process, the car came to a screeching halt and sent Buckaroo tumbling. Buckaroo aimed the trap in the direction of the Interna and pressed the switch. The trap opened up and trapped the Geist.

"That was cool. Huh huh." said Butthead.

"Yeah yeah, heh heh." said Beavis.

The Jersey XS came to a halt. Smoke was streaming from the hood vents. Perfect Tommy and Sydney climbed out.

"Buckaroo, are you alright?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"Just fine." said Buckaroo as he climbed back to his feet.

"How did you know the ghost was there?" asked Sydney.

"I guessed." said Buckaroo. "Sometimes, that's all you can do. How's the Hyperthruster?"

"Toast." said Perfect Tommy.

"Okay." said Buckaroo.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Citi Turbo raced through France.

Maggie gripped the wheel and steered. She whipped the wheel left and right as the car swerved through traffic.

"Oh look, Homer." said Marge. "Maggie's imitating your movements."

"Really?" said Homer. "Maybe she can get a turn driving."

"Homer, she's one year old!" said Marge.

"I thought she was one year old last year?" said Lisa.

The Buccaneer was right behind them.

"I think I see them." said Foyt.

"We are on an intercept course." said the Warrior.

"Uh, dad?" asked Bart. "Are we still trying to avoid that crazy lady who's trying to stop the Cannonball?"

"Bart, why do you ask?" asked Marge.

The Buccaneer rear-ended the Citi Turbo.

"Oh, no reason." said Bart.

"Time to show them taillights." said Homer. He floored the accelerator and took off.

"After him." said Foyt.

"I see a shortcut." said the Warrior. He steered down a dirt road.

"Homer, where'd you learn to drive like this?" asked Marge.

"I picked it up from a movie." said Homer. "It was about this police chief called 'the Smokey' and this driver called 'the Bandit' and the Smokey chased the Bandit all across the southern United States until the Smokey and the Bandit reached a fair in Florida where the Smokey lost the Bandit. I have no idea what it was called, though."

The Buccaneer continued down the dirt road.

"We're pulling ahead of him." said Foyt. "Nice shortcut. We're going to get him."

"Now, if we can use this tactic to get Rockatansky." said the Warrior.

"I don't see them." said Lisa. "I think you lost them."

"We sure did, Lisa." said Homer. "We sure did."

Suddenly, the Buccaneer pulled in front of them and cut them off.

"D'oh!"

Homer hit the brakes and stopped next to the Buccaneer.

Foyt jumped out of the car and threw herself on the hood of the Citi Turbo. "You move this car one inch and you're finished, mister!" she yelled. "Do you hear me?"

XXXXXXXXXX

In Germany, the Bestia drove into Munich.

Memphis was on the radio talking like Elvis. "If there's any racers out there willing to step up to challenge us, keep your eyes out for the purple muscle car. The King is back, baby. Uh huh."

"Now, I know why they call him 'Memphis'." said Jesse.

Dominic pulled up to a stoplight and the ZR-350 pulled up next to him.

"Hey, who are you racing, Dom?" asked Memphis.

The ZR-350's window rolled down to reveal Lance in the driver's seat. "Well, Toretto." he said. "I heard you were in this race. Looks like I get revenge for my cousin."

"I think you'll be happy to know my guy Jesse survived." said Dominic. "I'll be happy to win this race for him."

"Don't race this guy." said Johnny B. "We've got other things on our agenda."

"Is that Johnny B?" asked Memphis.

Johnny B looked up at him. "You!" he yelled.

"You guys sure know how to pick 'em." said Jesse.

"Finish line is the other side of town." said Dominic. "First one there is the winner."

"You're on." said Lance.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Stadt was parked at a convenience store when the Manana pulled in next to it.

"Isn't that one of the Cannonballers' cars?" asked Korpi.

"Yeah, let's take care of them." said Darden.

Jesse and Chester ran out of the store with an armful of pudding cups.

"If we hurry, we can get out of England before we finish these." said Jesse.

"Not if I'm driving." said Chester. He jumped into the driver's seat and got the car started. Jesse jumped in next to him.

"Let's get 'em before they even leave the parking lot." said Darden.

As the Stadt backed up, Korpi drove forward to intercept it. Suddenly, the Majestic pulled in and cut him off.

"Hey, watch it!" yelled Korpi.

"Back off!" yelled Joel. "This is our collar!"

"He's ours!" yelled Darden.

Chester drove around the two cars and took to the road.

"He's getting away!" said Fearless.

"Give me your gun." said Korpi. Darden handed him his gun and he shot out the front tire of the Majestic.

Korpi raced onto the highway and got after the Stadt.

Joel got out of the Majestic and looked at the tire. "This is going to take a while." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

Lone Wolf rode down a highway in France.

"Boy, other than that pathetic attempt at machismo by the guy in that police car, this continent has been rather quiet." he thought.

His cell phone went off. He pulled over, took off his helmet, and answered. "Yo."

"Lone Wolf, this is Lara. Those alien women are on our tail and one of them seems possessed. We need assistance."

"I'm on my way." said Lone Wolf. He put his helmet back on, flipped down his visor, and took off.

**Rough and ready rider.  
In a supersonic sound machine.  
Rock and roll survivor.  
Chrome pipes between your knees.**

**Running all the red lights.  
You're gonna make a dead stop.  
But you just can't see the signs.**

Lone Wolf raced through an intersection. In the darkness, he didn't notice the black van waiting. It took off after him.

**Oh, you'll never win the race.  
But you can't give up the chase.**

Lone Wolf looked over his shoulder and poured on the speed.

**Death alley driver.  
Livin' at high speed.  
Death alley driver...Yeah.  
Death alley driver.  
Who knows what you need?  
Death alley driver.**

**One hundred twenty-five.  
Smokin' on the turns.  
Always on the hit and run,  
but you never learn.**

**Running from the man,  
and you're running from yourself.  
Another dirty angel,  
running straight to hell.**

**Oh, you'll never win the race.  
But you won't give up the chase.**

Lone Wolf continued to maneuver down the road, but the van stayed with him. The driver of the van looked over Lone Wolf.

**Death alley driver.  
Life in overdrive.  
Death alley driver.  
Yeah.  
Death alley driver.  
Ride to stay alive.  
Death alley driver.  
Let's go.**

**Red lights in the mirror.  
Danger on the band.  
Got to take a detour,  
cause a roadblock's up ahead.**

**He takes you on the corner,  
with a wave of his hand.  
Death is in the back seat,  
of a big old black sedan.**

The van started to pass Lone Wolf. The driver looked over at him. Lone Wolf met his gaze.

**Oh, you'll never win the race.  
As you turn to see his face.**

**Death alley driver.  
Movin' for the kill.  
Death alley driver.  
Yeah.  
Death alley driver.  
Time is standing still.  
Death alley driver.  
Always on the run cause you're a,**

**Death alley driver.  
Love the way it feels.  
Death alley driver.  
Yeah.  
Death alley driver.  
Hell on wheels.  
Death alley driver.  
Ooh.**

-"Death Alley Driver" by Rainbow.

Lone Wolf raced off and left the van in the dust.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Veloci cruised through Paris. Max was finishing up wiring in the cloaking device.

"Okay, that part's done." he said.

"Great, we can use it if we have to." said Tommy.

Suddenly, a set of red and blue lights turned on behind them.

"Oh look." said Max. "The local constabulary is behind us."

"Or so we're supposed to believe." said Tommy as he floored the accelerator.

He started to weave through traffic with the police car hot on his tail.

"Uh, Tommy?" asked Max. "What kind of car was the police car that pulled us over in Africa?"

"I think it was a Crown Vic." said Tommy.

"This one's a Citroen!" said Max. "They're real cops!"

"Shit!" yelled Tommy.

Tommy swerved into a side street and the police car almost missed it.

"Think we should try that cloaking device now?" asked Max.

"We're gonna have to try it 'cause if we don't, we're toast!" said Tommy.

Max flipped the switch on the cloaking device and the Veloci turned invisible.

"Park here." said Max.

Tommy brought the car to a halt at an intersection.

"Think it's working?" he asked.

The police car raced into the intersection and crashed into the back of the Veloci.

"Does that answer your question?" asked Max. The Veloci drove off and decloaked.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Stadt managed to stay ahead of the Manana in the left hand lane.

"I need any Cannonball Run protectors within the sound of my voice." said Jesse into his radio.

"This is Officer Hightower. What seems to be the problem?"

"Chester and I are being chased by one of the bad guys." said Jesse. "We are in France somewhere."

"Okay, what's the next town you're approaching?" asked Hightower.

Jesse checked the map. "Uh, it looks like Bordeaux." he said.

"Good, turn off there." said Hightower. "We'll find you at the airport."

"Got it." said Jesse.

"How do we lose this guy?" asked Chester.

"Bordeaux is coming up." said Jesse as he checked the map. "Hightower said we can lose him there."

"How do get there?" asked Chester.

"Make the next right. RIGHT HERE! RIGHT HERE!" said Jesse.

Chester cut across two lanes of traffic to make the turn. In the process, he cut off a truck carrying a large crate. The truck spun out and was hit by another car. The crate fell off and split open, releasing its contents: a herd of goats.

XXXXXXXXXX

Marcus drove through Munich in the L.A. Cop Car. They fell in behind a white Lancer Evolution.

"There's the Knight." said Regis.

"Do it again?" asked Marcus.

"By all means." said Regis.

Marcus turned on the car's roof lights and sirens. The Evolution took off running.

"Let's nail 'em." said Marcus.

"I'm going to act like I'm reporting this." said Regis.

He turned on the radio and heard a voice say something in German.

"You speak German." said Marcus. "What is he saying?"

"Apparently, there's been a robbery in town." said Regis. "The key suspects were seen driving away in a white Evolution which we are now apparently chasing."

Just then, the steering wheel started to rattle due to Marcus' shaking hands. "We're chasing a real criminal?" he asked.

"Well, we can probably reason with him." said Regis.

A police BMW turned onto the street behind them and joined the pursuit.

"Ah, see?" asked Regis. "We're not alone."

The police pursuit tore down a street while the Bestia raced past in the oncoming lane. The ZR-350 was right behind it.

"Look, another Cannonballer is in deep trouble." said Lance as he looked over his shoulder.

"Look out!" yelled Johnny.

Lance looked ahead to see the BMW heading straight for him. Unfortunately, he couldn't avoid the subsequent collision.

"And now we're alone again." said Regis as he looked back at the wreck.

"Guess it's time to be a man." said Marcus. He accelerated after the Evolution.

The Evo tried to lose him by turning down another street and cutting off a city bus. Marcus turned down the street himself and narrowly avoided the bus himself. Luckily, it turned out that the street was a dead end and the criminals in the Evo surrendered.

Marcus and Regis climbed out of the car and Regis trained his shotgun on them. "(Freeze! Put your hands behind your head!)" he yelled in German.

The two criminals complied. Marcus whispered into Regis' ear.

"(Stand on one leg!)" he yelled.

The criminals complied. Marcus whispered something else to Regis.

"I'm not telling them to do that!" he whispered. Marcus held out his hands to the criminals. Reluctantly, Regis yelled "(Sing '99 Luftballoons'!)"

The criminals started to sing. Marcus and Regis got back into the Cop Car as another police cruiser showed up.

"That was kind of fun." said Marcus.

"I know." said Regis. "I can't believe you managed to avoid that bus. I seriously thought you were going to hit him!"

"Well, now I can happily say I missed the bus." said Marcus.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Manana got stuck in the traffic jam caused by Chester's rapid lane change.

"What's the holdup?" asked Darden.

"I dunno." said Korpi. "Maybe there's something about it on the radio."

He turned on the radio.

"Look, I admire your fanaticism and team loyalty." said the radio show host. "But you're calling in just to say you're calling in? It just doesn't make sense."

"First, you ask us to call in, then you complain when we do." said Jezz.

"But you're calling in to say you're calling in." said the host. "Forgive me if that sounds a little crazy."

Korpi looked out his window as the goats ran past.

"Hey, Korpi." said Darden as he looked at the field next to them. "Ever want to take a Toyota off-road?"

Korpi backed into the car behind him, then drove through the fence on his right.

"I hope the suspension holds until we get those guys." said Korpi.

"You got that right." said Darden.

XXXXXXXXXX

Flash raced down the highway in pursuit of the Manana. Tackleberry was in the backseat while Hightower sat in front.

"Where did Jesse and Chester go?" asked Flash.

"According to Jesse's call, they turned off in Bordeaux." said Tackleberry.

Flash checked the map. "Let's see, that should be coming up soon."

"Flash, look out!" said Hightower.

A goat had walked in front of the car. Flash hit the brakes, but still hit the goat. It tumbled over the top of the car and rolled down the rear window before landing on the roadway and trotting off.

"Was that a goat?" asked Tackleberry.

"Traffic jam." said Hightower.

Flash pulled into oncoming traffic to bypass the traffic jam. He swerved around cars that were coming his way.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nichole managed to stay on Lara's tail into Germany.

"She's still on our ass." said Joanna. "I don't think she's above it either."

"Weren't we supposed to get help?" asked Lara.

"I'm on my way." said Lone Wolf. He rode up alongside on the Nousagi.

In Christine, Linda gripped the armrest while Nichole drove like a madwoman.

"I wonder why the others didn't join us." said Nichole.

"Oh, I have no idea." lied Linda nervously.

Behind them was the Voodoo. However, DeMarco wasn't driving. John was.

"Great, not only do I lose the Ghostbusters," he said "I also get into this little dance. Wait a minute. I think there's something wrong with those two."

"I'll see if I can get into their vehicle." said Lone Wolf. "Unfortunately, that means I'm going to have to ditch the Nousagi."

"We'll take you back to it." said Cate.

Lone Wolf slowed his bike down, then jumped onto Christine's roof. He slid over and slipped through the window.

"Well, if it isn't the girls with the beer." he said. "Don't you have anything better to do than antagonize innocent girls?"

"They don't seem so innocent to me." said Nichole.

"I think it's time for you to surrender." said Lone Wolf. He grabbed her arms and used his leg to keep her from pushing the pedals. "Let's see you try to keep going now." he said.

Suddenly, Christine started to accelerate again and steer herself. Ritchie Valens' "Come On, Let's Go" started to play over the radio.

"What the?" asked Lone Wolf.

"Now, I'm really scared!" said Linda.

"Looks like it's time for me to act." said John. He abandoned the Voodoo and possessed Linda.

"Let's get out of here." said the possessed Linda. She leaned into Lone Wolf and Nichole and pulled the door handle. The three went tumbling out a second later.

Lone Wolf rolled to a stop next to a cliff and got back up. He noticed that Christine had now turned around and aimed at him. Also, her windows were tinted.

Lone Wolf kept an eye on Christine and stepped back a few feet. He stopped when he stepped off the cliff and stepped back onto it. He then noticed he was between the cliff and Christine.

Christine then raced at him at full speed. Lone Wolf then dove onto her hood and rolled over it. She, on the other hand, drove right off the cliff.

She hit seemingly every rock on the way down and was smashed to pieces.

Lone Wolf looked down at the wreckage and let out a sigh of relief. He then looked over at the Zender Alpha and saw Lara and her team standing there, weapons drawn.

"Oh good." said Lara. "You didn't need our help after all."

"Well, I'm sure glad that's over with." said Chun Li.

"Good to hear." said Lone Wolf. "Say, could you give me a ride back to my bike?"

Lara parked next to the Nousagi. Lone Wolf looked it over. "No major damage." he said. "She'll run."

"Thanks again for saving us." said Lara. "Now to pick up my teammates and continue the race."

"See you at the finish line." said Lone Wolf.

Lara drove off as Lone Wolf got back on the Nousagi. He rode after her. As he passed the Voodoo, it restarted and drove off.

"Well, that was creepy." he said.

At the bottom of the cliff, Christine lay in pieces. Suddenly, she started to repair herself.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Stadt was parked in Bordeaux.

"I think we're going to be safe here." said Jesse.

"Yeah, no problem." said Chester.

Just then, the Manana pulled in behind them.

"Get us out of here, Chester!" yelled Jesse.

"Take 'em down." said Korpi.

The London Patrol Car raced into town and screeched to a halt next to the two cars. The three officers climbed out.

"I believe this is your turn." said Hightower as he patted Flash on the shoulder.

Flash popped open the hood of the Manana. A few seconds later, the engine died with a loud snap. Flash then closed the hood while holding the Manana's ECU and said "Gentlemen."

The Stadt pulled away while the protectors returned to their car. Darden and Korpi just watched them leave.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Belgium is nice." said Hsu as he drove the Amata Crescendo. "It's a beautiful night out."

"Sure Belgium is nice, but we're in Luxembourg." said Chan.

"I was thinking." said Sushi X. "Do you know how many racing games have shortcuts?"

"I know." said Chan. "Crusin' USA, Need For Speed, San Francisco Rush, California Speed, Street Racing Syndicate..."

"The less we talk about that one, the better." said Hsu.

"So, you're saying we should add in shortcuts to our game." said Chan.

"I think we need to come up with something unique in that area." said Hsu.

"Maybe the cars can drive into a wormhole." said Chan.

"Are you still eating that food from the Australia cooking competition?" asked Hsu.

"Why not talk to the other Cannonballers and see what shortcuts they used?" asked Sushi X.

"That sounds like a good idea." said Hsu. "That way, we can also come up with some of our own. Maybe if we can race again another year, we can use those as well."

The Citi Turbo raced past them with Foyt still clinging to the hood issuing dire threats. Hsu looked in surprise.

"We might be able to claim victory." said Hsu.

XXXXXXXXXX

The sun was coming up as the Modicum XSV reached the bridge to England.

"We're almost there." said Gonzo from the driver's seat.

"And we're almost done." said Fozzie. "Okay, it's ready."

Kermit sat up wearing a hat and a fake moustache.

"KERMIT!" yelled Animal.

"Please, the name is Rosenthal." said Kermit in a European accent.

"Good disguise." said Gonzo. "I can barely tell you're a frog."

"Uh, this could take a while." said Fozzie. In front of them was a long traffic jam.

Gonzo pulled up to a police officer. "Excuse me, what's the problem?" he asked.

"Some drug runner has been seen in the area." said the officer. "We're making sure none of those using the bridge are trafficking."

"I thought only Cannonballers were using the bridge." said Fozzie.

"They allow ordinary people to use it in return for letting them use it." said the officer. "About the only reason we don't use military force to stop them."

At the entrance to the bridge, the Citi was parked with some officers going through it.

"I'm thinking 'Bohemian Rhapsody'." said Cliff.

"No way." said Sam. "'November Rain.'"

"What about that Radiohead song?" asked Norm. "What's it called? 'Paranoid Android'?"

"Can I still say 'Peaches'?" asked Woody.

"What are you guys talking about?" asked the officer. "The best song?"

"No, the best multi-part song." said Sam.

"'Happiness Is A Warm Gun'." said the officer.

"Oh!" cheered Cliff.

"Good one!" said Sam.

A few cars back, the Jones J450 and Lusso XT were parked. Hank, Bill, and Boomhauer stood nearby and drank beer while Bobby told jokes to Mulder.

"I'm trying to tell you!" said Dale to J and K. "The Mars face is a command center for an invasion! THAT is what you should be investigating!"

"Okay, let's go discuss it over here." said K. He put his arm around Dale and led him over behind a small shack.

J leaned on the Lusso XT and laughed. A few seconds later, a bright flash came from behind the shack. A couple of seconds after that, another flash came. J looked over confused. K walked out from behind the shack equally confused. Dale followed looking quite satisfied.

"What happened?" asked J.

"Damnedest thing." said K. "This is the first guy I've met that was immune to the neuralizer."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Peter?" asked Winston as Peter drove through Germany.

"Yeah?" asked Peter.

"We're coming upon a few more Geists." said Winston.

"Where are they?" asked Louis.

"They should be at that restaurant up ahead." said Winston.

"I see it." said Peter. "I'm pulling in. Oh no."

"I second that." said Winston.

The Torque JX and Saikou were parked at the restaurant.

Inside, Kobe was locked in a cooking competition with Mario.

"So, our competitor takes on my Iron Chef." said the Chairman. "Who will emerge victorious?"

"I don't care as long as I get to eat." said Link.

Two of the Geists entered the restaurant. One of them made its way to Kobe's counter and possessed a tomato. Kobe reached for it and it rolled away from him. He chased it around the counter top with his hand, but it kept evading him.

"(Chen, has this ever happened to you?)" he asked.

"(Stranger things have happened.)" said Chen.

Kobe continued to chase the possessed tomato and tried to grab it. Finally, he took his cooking pot, dropped it over the tomato, and started banging on it with his stirring spoon. He lifted the pot and the shaken Geist vacated the tomato.

The other Geist possessed a suit of armor standing near the doorway and started walking towards the crowd.

"Mama mia!" yelled Mario.

Peter, Winston, and Louis burst in wearing their proton packs. "Not so fast, ectoplasm-breath!" yelled Peter. "The Ghostbusters are on the scene and in control! Who's with me?"

"I am!" said Winston.

"Me too!" said Louis.

"So am I!"

They all looked to see who said that. It turned out to be none other than...Luigi. He was wearing a vacuum cleaner on his back and holding the hose in his hands.

"Luigi?" asked Peter.

"'ey, let my brother have his moment!" said Mario.

"Let's-a see how they like-a the Poltergust 3000!" said Luigi. He turned on the vacuum cleaner.

"I'm going in too." said Link as he drew his sword.

"I'll join you." said Mario.

Outside, the Piranha PDQ pulled up.

"Looks like a good place to stop." said James.

"Sure, I guess." said Jessie.

Inside, the possessed suit of armor drew its sword. However, the "sword" was just a prop and consisted solely of a hilt with a plastic rod.

"Waste it!" yelled Winston. He and Peter fired their particle stream throwers and melted the armor into a large metal glob.

"(Should we help?)" asked Chen.

"(How?)" asked Kobe. "(We're chefs, not exorcists!)"

Mario snuck down the hallway to the bathrooms in search of Geists. Little did he realize, the Geist he was after was right behind him using a rock it had possessed. He turned around to look and the rock stopped moving. He continued down the hall and the rock followed him again.

He turned around to look again, but the rock didn't stop moving quickly enough. "Luigi, I found it!" he yelled.

Luigi and Link ran into the hallway. "Where is it?" asked Link as he rested his hand on the rock. Suddenly, the Geist came out.

"Pasta la vista, baby!" said Luigi as he took aim with the Poltergust 3000. He fired the device and started to suck it in. The Geist tried to escape and ended up dragging Luigi down the hall on his chest. He was then able to trap the ghost in his vacuum.

Peter and Winston had their Geist in their particle streams. "Louis, get the trap!" yelled Peter.

"Okay!" yelled Louis.

Just then, Team Rocket entered.

"Looks like the party started without us." said Meowth.

"This looks dangerous." said Annie.

"Dangerous enough for Lone Wolf to show up." said Oakley.

Louis activated the ghost trap and sucked it in.

"And it's over." chided James.

"Great, we get a chance to attract Lone Wolf and we miss it." said Jessie.

"Guys, I got another ghost for your trap." said Luigi as he presented the Poltergust 3000.

"Will you stop it?" yelled James. "All I hear anymore is 'Lone Wolf', 'Lone Wolf', 'Lone Wolf'! I'm just about ready to send you back to the car!"

He swung his arm to point to the car and knocked the Poltergust out of Luigi's hands. It broke open when it hit the floor, releasing the Geist.

"Oh no." said James.

"Nice play, Shakespeare." said Louis.

"Quick, let it try to attack you and maybe Lone Wolf will come!" said Annie.

The Geist possessed the ceiling fan and tried to attack the Ghostbusters.

"Peter, get your trap out!" said Winston.

"Got it!" yelled Peter. Suddenly, the Geist attacked him and knocked the trap out of his hand. But someone stepped in and picked it up.

"Peter, you okay?" asked Louis.

"I'll be fine as soon as we take him out!" said Peter.

Link jumped into action while swinging his sword. He broke apart the ceiling fan and released the Geist. The trap slid between the Ghostbusters and opened, pulling in the Geist. It then shut and trapped the spectral deviant inside.

"You saved us!" squealed Oakley as she got up to great their savior. She was very disappointed to see who it was.

"All in a day's work." said Mahoney.

"Oh great!" said Annie. "What happened to Lone Wolf?"

"You're welcome." said Walker.

"Oh, he's on his way to London." said Jones. "You should be too."

"Unbelievable, we get you bozos instead of Lone Wolf. Just great!" said Jessie.

"Someone has a gratitude problem." said Mahoney.

"Eat it, dickhead!" said Jessie.

"Dickhead?" asked Mahoney.

"Get lost, buttbreath!" said Jessie.

"Buttbreath?" asked Mahoney.

"What, is English only your third language?" asked Jessie.

Mahoney looked at her hair. "That's a wig, right?" he asked.

"What? No!" said Jessie.

"Yeah, that's a wig!" said Mahoney.

"No, it's not!" said Jessie.

"WIG! WIG!" yelled Mahoney. "Dah, dah, dah! Wig alert! Woop! Wig alert!"

XXXXXXXXXX

The Modicum finally made it to the bridge.

"Okay, just act natural and we'll be fine." said Kermit. Then, he realized who he was talking to and said "On second thought, just try not to attract attention."

The officers stopped them and had Gonzo roll down his window.

"Hi, officers." said Gonzo. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Just checking for drugs." said the officer.

"Oh, okay." said Fozzie.

"It's a Mini, this shouldn't take long." said the officer.

The officer opened the hood and trunk. While his partners searched those, he went to the passenger compartment.

"Drugs bad!" said Animal.

"Yes, I know." said the officer. "That's why we try to remove them."

The other officers closed the trunk and hood. They signalled that both were clear.

"Passenger compartment is okay, too." said the officer. "You are free to go."

"That's good to hear." said Kermit. The statement made his moustache fall off.

The officer stared at him in shock. "Sacre bleu." he muttered. "C'est Kermit!"

The other two officers ran to look. "Kermit!" they yelled.

"Hey, before you go, can we get a picture with you?" asked the officer.

"Okay." said Kermit.

The team climbed out and the police took their picture with them. After that, they returned to the car and took off.

"Au revoir!" called the officer.

"Well, that was interesting." said Fozzie.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Scotland, Nash and Joe watched the race coverage on television with airport personel.

"A terrible accident tonight as a racer believed to be involved with the Cannonball Run collides with a police cruiser." announced the reporter.

The report then showed the aftermath of the head-on collision between the ZR-350 and the police cruiser.

"I don't think he meant to do that." said Joe.

"Inspector Bridges?" asked the crew chief. "You're ready to go."

"Alright." said Nash. He patted Joe on the shoulder and said "Let's go, bubba."

XXXXXXXXXX

Just outside of London, DeMarco waited with Paul and Feliz. He did not look happy.

Mitzi and her group pulled up in a taxi and climbed out. "I thought we'd never get her to snap out of it." said Mitzi.

"Well, I see our teams are continuing to perform at their usual capacity." said DeMarco. "As you might guess, Paul and Feliz are the only Hunters who aren't out of the hunt. On top of that, I have no idea where Foyt is. I hope you're finished with that little side problem."

"Oh, we're washing our hands of that whole debacle." said Mia.

"So, what's going on?" asked Linda.

"The Cannonballers have reached England." said DeMarco. "If we can't find some last ditch method of stopping them, we might never get our hands on the prize money."

"I anticipated this and called upon a favor from the home planet." said Mitzi. "As such, we present a contingent of warrior robots."

A dozen robots rolled out of the brush and stopped. One bumped into another, knocking it over. The knocked over robot fell and broke apart when it hit the ground. DeMarco stared in horror.

"Don't laugh, they were made twenty years ago." said Kim.

"Yeah, we only take them out for ceremonial purposes now." said Linda.

"I suppose they'll have to do." said DeMarco. "Send in the clowns."

"Okay, guys. Go." said Mitzi.

The robots rolled towards London.

"If they fail here, we have another squadron ready in Dublin." said Mia.

"Maybe we can take someone out as well." said Paul.

"Right." asked Feliz. "We need to get to the bridge ahead of them."

Just then, Nash's voice came over the radio. "This is going out to all Cannonballers. We suspect that those guys with the EDB may be setting up a trap at the bridge to Ireland. Head to the alternate bridge discussed at the pre-race party. It'll only add a few hours to your journey. Over."

"Let's go to that one instead." said Paul.

XXXXXXXXXX

In London, the Schneller V8, Alarde, Knight, and RSMC 15 were parked. Corvax was listening to the radio. "That's weird." he said. "They didn't say anything about an alternate bridge at the party."

"You should have seen this thing race in Africa." said Sonic. "We tore down that road so fast, it would make your head spin."

"Ha, I'll believe that when I see it." said Corvax.

"Yeah, our cars could easily destroy yours." said Michael.

"I can beat those rust buckets on foot." said Sonic.

"I believe him." said Tails. "I've seen him go before."

"So, how about it?" asked Super Dave. "Once around the block, us in our cars and you on foot."

"Sounds good to me." said Sonic.

"Be careful out there." said Knuckles.

Within a minute, the Schneller V8, Alarde, and Knight pulled up to a crosswalk. Sonic jumped off the roof of the RSMC 15 and somersaulted onto the pavement next to them.

Knuckles walked into the midst of them and raised his hands. After a few engine revs from the cars, he dropped his hands. The three cars and Sonic took off running.

Sonic immediately took the lead. The Knight was right behind him with Michael shifting through the gears. The Alarde and Schneller V8 were gaining fast.

Sonic quickly turned down a side street and continued. On the way, he encountered two of the robots battling a local police officer. "Looks like a couple of Dr. Ro-butt-nik's creations." he said as he stopped to face them.

One of the robots made a move towards him. Sonic wound up his legs and charged towards the robot, stunning it in the collision.

The other robot tried to attack him. Sonic pulled on his Magic Gloves and used them to pick up the robot and throw it at its partner. Both were destroyed.

"Now robots?" asked Sonic. "I've got to warn the others. But not before I blow their doors off."

He took off down the street. Elsewhere, the Schneller V8 passed the Alarde and Knight as they raced down another street.

Sonic ran through a few backyards on the way to the finish. He leaped over fences and ducked under clotheslines. Finally, he reached the finish ahead of the others.

Michael brought the Knight to a halt. Super Dave and Corvax followed suit. "Well, that was a good run." said Super Dave.

"Despite the results." said Corvax.

"Guys, we got problems." said Sonic. "Robots, lots of them."

"Robots?" asked Michael.

"Yes! Right there!" said Fuji. He pointed to a group of the robots approaching from behind them.

"Back on the attack, I guess." said the T-1000.

Michael turned the Knight towards the robots. The Terminators prepared their weapons. Super Dave took off his cap and donned his helmet.

The Citi Turbo raced into the scene and Homer stopped short. Foyt screamed as she was thrown from the hood.

"Ahh!" screamed Homer.

"Coo-ool!" said Bart. "Mechanical assassins. I mean...oh no, they must certainly be destroyed."

"Forward!" yelled Murdock.

Michael drove straight for three of the robots and plowed into one. It was completely torn apart.

"They do not appear to be very well constructed." said KITT.

"Exact opposite of you, buddy." said Michael.

James Bond pulled up in the Victory.

"Looks like someone let loose their toy collection." he said.

"And it's up to us to break it." said Jaws.

"I've got this one!" said Super Dave as he pounced on another robot. Unfortunately, it kept moving oblivious to him. "Uh, some help?" he asked.

"How do we take care of it?" asked Jaws.

"I'll show you." said James. He aimed his arm out of the window and fired a miniature missile from his watch. It lodged in the robot's chestplate.

"It didn't work." said Jaws.

"It's remotely triggered." said James. "All I have to do is push the alarm button..."

"Wait, let me get off first." said Super Dave.

"...and the cover gets taken off." said James as he reached for the button.

"Let me off first." said Super Dave. "Let me off first!"

James pushed the alarm button. The chestplate was blown off of the robot. Unfortunately, the rest of the robot burst into flames.

"Oh sorry, Super." said James. "I didn't see you there."

"Could somebody please put me out?" yelled Super Dave. "I seem to be on fire!"

The T-1000 was approached by another robot. He turned his arm into a blade and thrust it into the robot's chest. The T-X extended the antenna from her finger and stuck it to the robot's circuit board.

"Now, let's see how they deal with one of their own." said the T-1000.

The robot turned to its companions and prepared to attack. It and another robot fired on each other, mutually destroying themselves.

"That worked as well as I calculated." said T-X.

Knuckles attacked another robot with his Hammer Gloves. It was quickly demolished. Nearby, another robot exploded as well. Tails stepped out of the wreckage.

"Nice going, little guy." said Knuckles.

"I didn't do anything." said Tails. "It hit the curb."

B.A. and Murdock used a slingshot made from a set of bungee cables to send a fire extinguisher flying at the last robot. The fire extinguisher exploded in the robot, taking out its circuitry in the process.

"I pity the fool who uses robots to fight for them." said B.A.

"Despite the failure, they just might be used again." said James.

"Good point." said Sonic. "I think we should call for backup."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Perennial was parked at the bridge in Scotland.

"I'm telling you this was a ruse." said Paul.

"They made the announcement." said Feliz. "Just keep your eyes open."

They continued to watch. A few seconds later, they heard an engine approaching.

"Here comes one." said Paul.

"Told ya." said Feliz.

When the vehicle roared around the curve, Feliz aimed at it with the EDB and fired a shot. The engine quickly died and the car drifted to a halt.

"We got him now." said Paul.

"Alright, just get out of the car nice and slowly." said Feliz.

"I've got a better idea." said the driver, Nash. "You drop your weapons and surrender."

"It's the cop!" yelled Paul.

"Waste him!" yelled Feliz.

Before they could act, Nash jumped up, drew his sidearm, and fired over the windshield of his 'Cuda. Joe jumped out of the passenger-side door and fired his own sidearm at the Perennial.

"Where's your gun?" yelled Feliz as he dodged gunfire.

"I think I left it in one of the other cars!" yelled Paul.

One of Nash's shots hit the EDB. The device started to cast sparks and electrical arcs.

"Run!" yelled Feliz.

Paul and Feliz jumped from the Perennial. A few seconds later, the EDB overloaded and exploded.

Feliz landed on the ground and saw his gun a few feet away. He crawled towards it. Just as he was about to grab it, Nash stepped in front of him with his gun trained on him.

"Alright, bubba." said Nash. "You're going to pick how we finish this. Your first option involves you turning tail and running, which is the one I recommend. The other involves you reaching for that gun and me calling a hearse. What's it gonna be?"

Feliz looked at him in terror for a second, then crawled away.

"That's the way I like it." said Nash as he holstered his gun.

"Other guy kept running." said Joe as he walked over.

"What do you say we get the spare battery and head for the finish?" asked Nash.

"Sounds like a great idea." said Joe.

XXXXXXXXXX

On the bridge to the Isle of Man, Kid rode along on the Cohete.

"I haven't seen that Ford guy in a while." he said to himself. "Is he ahead of or behind me? Wait, who's that?"

As he exited the bridge, he saw a large group of people waiting for him. He actually recognized half of them, so he stopped.

"Hey, how's it going, Kid?" asked one of them.

"Looking good so far, Stuntman." said Kid. "What are you guys doing here?"

"I'll explain when your competition gets here." said another of them. Just then, Ford rolled up on the Monsoni.

"What's this about?" asked Ford.

"Ford, we have to talk." said another of the group, a woman.

"You know these guys?" asked Kid.

"Yeah, this is my crew." said Ford. "Kid, meet Shane, Dalton, and Val."

"This is Stuntman." said Kid. "And over here is Wood, Primo, Philly, and Flip."

"We're the Biker Boyz." said Primo. "What do they call you guys?"

"Ford, how come we don't have a name?" asked Val.

"So, what's going on?" asked Ford.

"We've been watching your antics on television." said Wood.

"You guys are acting like children." said Dalton. "That's not reflecting well on our teams."

"We're here to tell you to bite it." said Philly.

"We want you to settle this here and now." said Flip.

"We want you to settle who's best with a lap around the Isle." said Shane. "Whoever wins is the best and you can stop acting like idiots."

"How does that sound to you?" asked Kid.

"It's fine." said Ford. "I'm ready to go if you are."

"Then let's go." said Kid.

Both of them pulled their motorcycles onto the road course and started rolling. They drove around a corner and took off racing.

The two of them raced through a tree-lined section with Ford taking a quick lead. They maneuvered around a few turns before coming to a sharp right. They slowed down and Kid took over the lead upon making it through the turn.

The two added on more speed as they wove through the turns. They tore through a sweeper to the right. They then got back up to speed. After a series of turns, Ford retook the lead.

They then hit a straightaway and Kid did his focusing trick. He was then able to outaccelerate Ford and race into the lead. By the next turn, he had a decent lead.

Several turns came next. They managed to weave through them at high speed and Ford started to close the gap. They reached a footbridge a minute later and Ford slipped past Kid into the lead.

The two motorcyclists raced through the next series of turns. Ford continued to build his lead. They later came to another straightaway and Kid did his focusing trick again. He managed to close in on Ford. He was right behind him by the time the next turn came.

Kid continued to close in on Ford as they approached a town. Ford fought to maintain his lead, but ultimately failed. Kid took the lead shortly before they crossed the finish line.

The two bikers came to a halt and took off their helmets as they were surrounded by their teammates.

"I can't believe you did that." said Stuntman.

"Nice going anyway." said Dalton.

"Yeah, I guess." said Ford.

"Good job, Kid." said Wood.

"Yeah, I really had to fight for that one." said Kid. "Ford, I have faced many competitors on the streets, but you were the easily the toughest. I'm serious, I had to fight for that victory."

"You're not so bad yourself." said Ford. "You must have some kind of talent to handle a race like that."

Someone else walked over. Everybody looked at him in shock and awe. That someone was Smoke.

"Kid." he said. "I saw your little race with Mr. Ford. Very nice riding, both of you. Hopefully now, you can leave all of this idiotic fighting behind you and race like you mean it."

"Don't worry, I will." said Kid.

"And that goes for you too, Ford." said Smoke.

"The crap is in the past." said Ford.

"Good." said Smoke. "You may continue the race now. Good luck to you both."

XXXXXXXXXX

Tanner and Everett walked out of the Dublin airport with their package.

"I can't believe how hard it was to get this thing through security." said Tanner.

"I wish they'd let us bring a car." said Everett.

"We might as well get one here." said Tanner. He walked over to a car rental place and said "Hello, we'd like a car, please."

"I'm terribly sorry." said the desk clerk. "We had to close for the day. The Cannonball is coming through Dublin. The streets are now open only to them. The local constabulary is responding only to local problems. I'm sorry, we're unable to give you a car until tomorrow."

"But we need a car now." said Tanner.

"I'm sorry, but I just stated that you cannot." said the clerk.

"I want you to know that if you don't get us a car, I can make your life hell!" said Tanner.

"Sir, on a daily basis, I deal with cranky travellers who aren't satisfied with their cars, aren't willing to pay extra for some niceties, and are generally impatient with our service. I'm already in hell."

Tanner and Everett walked away from the counter.

"What do we do now?" asked Everett.

"I dunno." said Tanner. "Give me a second to gather my thoughts."

They noticed a crowd gathering.

"What's going on here?" asked Everett.

Tanner and Everett joined the crowd. They noticed everyone was watching someone come off a plane.

"Who's that?" asked Tanner.

The man getting off the plane looked up at the crowd.

Everett squealed. "It's Denis Leary!" he said.

"Yeah, it is." said Tanner.

"Greetings, Dublin!" said Denis. "I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for hosting my three-night show this week. I admire your hospitality and your lifting of the driving ban for myself. If you have the chance, please come to the show."

Denis walked away and Tanner got a gleem in his eye.

As Denis walked towards a plane on the runway. Tanner and Everett chased him down. "Mr. Leary!" called Tanner.

Denis turned around. "Oh, hey. Who are you?" he asked.

"We're huge fans of yours." said Tanner. "We just landed here ourselves, but we just found out about the ban on automobile traffic and we have somewhere we have to go right now."

"I'd like to help you, but I can't." said Denis.

"Is that your car?" asked Everett.

"Yeah, I'm in the process of getting it fixed up." said Denis as he looked over a faded gray 1972 Pontiac LeMans with a red door and hood and no hubcaps.

"Is that the one that's being let onto the streets?" asked Tanner.

"That's the one." said Denis. "Now, if you'll excuse me..."

As he went to the car, Tanner tackled him into the car. He and Everett went to the ground with him while beating him up.

"I got the keys!" said Everett.

"Good." said Tanner. "Get the package."

XXXXXXXXXX

Elsewhere in Dublin, Stanley drove the Super Taxi around.

"Okay, we're looking for a decent drive-thru." said George from the passenger seat.

"This looks good." said Stanley.

"Are we going inside?" asked Kuni.

"I'm wearing bunny slippers." said George. "I'm not getting out of this car."

Stanley pulled up to the speaker in the center of the menu. "Welcome to Mondo Burger. Can I take your order?" asked a woman over the speaker.

"Sure." said George. "We'd like three burgers with onions and cheese..."

"Wait, I've changed my mind." said Kuni. "I think I'd rather have a chicken sandwich."

"But you always get a burger." said George.

"Well, this time, I'm hungry for a chicken sandwich." said Kuni.

"I don't know who you are anymore!" yelled George.

XXXXXXXXXX

Fackler, Hooks, and Zed sat in the Tokyo Cop Car in Dublin.

"Do they really think those robots from London are making a return?" asked Fackler.

"It's just a precaution." said Hooks. "So, where are those guys who are supposed to back us up?"

There was a knock at the window. Hooks looked up to see Ethan.

"Is there any problem here?" he asked.

"We're just waiting for someone." said Fackler. "They're supposed to back us up in a battle with robots."

"Robots, huh?" said Snake. "Can't be too much bigger than the Metal Gear."

"You mean like those?" asked Hooks.

A few of the robots called in by Mitzi's girls started to approach. Meanwhile, Jetto, Mason, and Spike drove in behind them.

"Battle time!" said Zed.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Boost and Ascent pulled up to the castle in Dublin. The MASK agents and the two insurance salesmen climbed out.

"Bernie's not coming with us?" asked Matt. He had his Spectrum mask on.

"No, he decided to stay with the car." said Richard.

"Okay, his loss." said Gloria. She had her Aura mask on.

"Let's go." said Bruce. He had his Lifter mask on.

The five of them entered the castle and began their search. It ended a short time later when they entered the study and found a short blonde-haired man with glasses reading a technical manual.

"Who's there? I'm kind of busy." said the man.

"Nash Gorey?" asked Matt. "We're agents of MASK here to bring you in on charges of selling government secrets to...um...unsecured persons."

Gorey jumped up in shock and turned to his accusers. "You're bringing me in on that?" he asked. "Well, it sure took you long enough."

"Please stand so we don't have to force you out of here." said Gloria.

Just then, they heard sirens and a pair of huge men ran in.

"Mister Gorey, the police are here." said one of them. "It appears someone tripped the security system."

"Oh, that would be us." said Larry.

Outside, two Dublin police cars parked outside the castle and two police officers each jumped out.

"Alright, lads!" yelled one. "Come out nice and easy with your hands up!"

"Sir, we've got one in sight." said another officer. "He might be a getaway driver."

She and another officer trained their guns on Bernie who was behind the wheel of the Ascent.

"Gentlemen, please keep these men busy while I get the cops." said Gorey.

The huge men approached while Gorey ran for the entrance.

"Don't you realize he's not getting the cops?" asked Gloria. "He's going to make a run for it."

"Hey, I don't care if he's dating my wife." said one huge guy. "He pays very well."

"Lifter, on!" called Bruce. A series of yellow rings were broadcast from his mask and lifted the men into the air.

"We'll go after him." said Richard.

"I'll back you up." said Gloria. "Gorey's a lot tougher than he looks."

"That's not saying much." said Larry.

The Dublin police went over their plans while Gorey ran from the castle. He passed the Ascent which had Bernie laying on the hood with his hands cuffed behind his back.

XXXXXXXXXX

At the drive-thru...

"Okay," said the woman on the speaker "your order is two burgers with onions and cheese, a chicken sandwich, curly fries, and a large Pepsi."

"Whoa, hold it." said George. "I ordered a medium Pepsi, not large."

"We're having a special today." said the woman. "You can have a large soft drink for the price of a medium."

After a couple of confused seconds, George said "Oh."

"And for just twenty-five cents more, you can have free refills." said the woman.

"That's a good offer." said George. "Except we're in the drive-thru. What would I want that for?"

"Wait, is that Paul?" asked the woman.

"No, that ain't Paul." said Stanley. "Who's this Paul?"

"Oh, he's this American exchange student at my high school." said the woman. "I used to copy off of him in geometry."

"I knew a guy named Paul." said George. "He used to be my plumber."

XXXXXXXXXX

Snake and Ethan drove around tracking down robots.

"Can your EWG gun work on these?" asked Snake.

"Let's find out." said Ethan as he took out his EWG gun. He fired on one of the robots, disabling it. "Looks like it to me." he said.

A couple of Geists entered the area. They found the robots and took possession.

"There's a couple more robots." said Ethan.

"Let's get 'em." said Snake.

Ethan aimed at them with his EWG and fired. However, both robots managed to dodge the shots.

"That's not supposed to happen." he said.

"Something's up." said Snake.

XXXXXXXXXX

Gloria and Richard snuck out of the castle and made their way towards the Boost. Meanwhile, Gorey climbed into a silver Mercedes Benz 560SL and started it.

"Ha, the police are concentrating on the Cannonballers." he said. "They're ignoring the Feltzer and I can make my escape."

"I see him." said Richard. "He's in that Mercedes."

"Let's get him." said Gloria.

They ran over to the Boost as Gorey backed into the road in the Feltzer. They climbed in and started after him. However, he just sat there parked.

"Stupid manual transmission." he groaned as he struggled with the gearshift.

He finally managed to get it in gear and drive off. Gloria raced off after him.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Buccaneer drove into Dublin.

"Are you injured after what happened in London?" asked the Warrior.

"No, I'm okay." said Foyt. "You know, the race is almost over. You might not be able to find Rockatansky by then."

"I will not stop trying." said the Warrior.

Just then, the Baja Buggy passed them.

"Go ahead, get it out of your system." said Foyt.

"Ah shit, it's him again." said Max.

"Doesn't bolt-head ever get tired of this?" asked Highway as Max floored it.

XXXXXXXXXX

At the drive-thru...

"...and Paul also had this really weird infection on his toe." said George.

"Uh, that's a little more than I needed to know." said the woman. "Your order comes to five euros and eighty-two cents. Please pull up."

Stanley drove forward until he reached the pay window. George reached into his pocket and quickly took a shocked look.

"Okay, that will be five euros and eighty-two cents, please." said the woman.

George turned to Stanley and asked "How much have you got on you?"

"What's wrong?" asked Kuni.

"My wallet's gone." said George. "I must've left it at home."

"I'll pay for this, I guess." said Stanley. He reached into his wallet and took out his American Express card.

George handed the card to the woman. "Oh dear." she said. "This needs to paid for in cash. We don't take credit cards here.

"Well, that sucks." said George as he took back the card.

Stanley looked in his wallet and said "I've only got three euros."

"I thought you were going to the bank as soon as we got to Europe." said George.

"I never got around to it." said Stanley. "Where's your wallet anyway?"

"Look, just help me find some change." said George as he looked under his seat.

XXXXXXXXXX

In an alleyway, Hooks, Fackler, and Zed were fighting the robots. Zed finished shooting at one just before it broke down.

"We've still got one left." said Fackler.

Hooks tried shooting it, but her gun wouldn't fire. "My gun's empty." she said.

"Use mine." said Fackler. He tried handing it to her, but it flew out of his hand, hit the wall, and broke.

Zed walked up to the approaching robot and screamed at it. The robot's head exploded.

That's when Winston pulled up in the Modo Prego. "What's going on here?" he asked.

"Alien robots." said Hooks.

"Does that explain why they're registering on the PKE Meter?" asked Louis.

"No, I think the Geists are around here." said Peter.

XXXXXXXXXX

A man walked through an intersection in Dublin. He then stopped and looked down.

"Ah, a 100 Euro note." he said. "Today could be a good day after all."

Just up the street, the Boost was still chasing the Feltzer.

"Just try to get me, MASK." said Gorey.

"Gloria, watch this guy." said Richard.

"I see him." said Gloria.

Down the other street came the Baja Buggy and the Buccaneer.

"Rockatansky is mine now." said the Warrior.

"Try not to hit that guy." said Highway.

"As long as that android doesn't hit me." said Max.

The man picked up his 100 Euro note. "I'm going to buy a new radio with this." he said.

Suddenly, the Feltzer raced by and narrowly missed him. The Baja Buggy then raced by with similar closeness. The Boost raced through next and also missed the man. Finally, the Buccaneer raced by and the headwind messed up the man's hair.

The man looked at how close he'd come and ran off whimpering.

XXXXXXXXXX

The woman at the drive-thru tapped the frame of the window as George and his team searched the Super Taxi for change.

"Sir, we have to move this line along." said the woman.

"Hold your stinkin' horses, lady." said George. "We won't be long."

Stanley and Kuni dropped some change into George's hands. He turned and dropped the pile in front of the woman. She counted it up and said "You're still a euro short."

George and Kuni let out a loud groan. "I wasn't even hungry in the first place!" yelled Kuni.

George turned to the woman and said "Okay, forget the chicken sandwich then."

XXXXXXXXXX

Mason drove towards a group of robots in the Rigg. Spike fired on several of them.

"I got one!" said Spike.

"Don't get cocky, Spike!" said Mason.

Suddenly, the robot that Spike had destroyed reactivated.

"A reset?" yelled Spike. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Krikey!" said Jetto from the seat of the Stump. "Something weird is going on here!"

"This is definitely something of supernatural origin." said Snake.

The Tokyo Cop Car and Modo Prego came racing over. After they stopped, their occupants jumped out.

"What's going on?" asked Fackler.

"That question seems to be coming up a lot." said Hooks.

"We're experiencing a small problem with the robots." said Ethan. "They appear to be possessed or something."

"Break out the de-possessor, Louis." said Winston.

"Actually," said Peter "that's only used for human possession victims. Inanimate objects are fair game."

"Okay." said Louis as he and Winston took their particle-stream throwers and aimed at the robots. They let fly with a couple of particle streams, melting one.

Peter threw in a ghost trap and caught the escaping Geist. "Next." he said.

Snake threw a chaff grenade at the other robots. They were disabled after it detonated. Jetto and Spike let loose with a salvo of missiles, blowing the robots to pieces.

"Now, Peter!" said Winston. He and Louis used their particle-stream throwers to keep the Geists under control while Peter threw in another trap and captured them.

"I think that's all of them." said Louis as he put away his thrower.

"According to the gauge, it is." said Peter.

Just then, the Voodoo rolled in and parked. Everybody aimed at it.

"I thought you said you got them all?" said Jetto.

"Wait." said Winston. "John, is that you?"

"Sorry I took so long." said John over the Voodoo's radio. "Do you have any idea how hard it was to get past customs?"

"We got all the others." said Peter. "You're welcome to join us for the rest of the race."

"I'm honored." said John. A few seconds later, he said over the Modo Prego's radio "Let's go."

"Wait, isn't this DeMarco's car?" asked Snake.

"Yes, it is." said Hooks. "Buffy described it to us after Africa."

"Thought so." said Snake. He planted a C4 charge on the car and walked away. After everyone was a safe distance away, he detonated the C4 and reduced the Voodoo to flaming wreckage.

XXXXXXXXXX

Gloria managed to close the gap with the Feltzer.

"What are you going to do?" asked Richard.

"I'm going to try a PIT Maneuver." said Gloria.

"Are you nuts?" asked Richard. "This is a Ford Puma. That's a Mercedes."

"Don't worry." said Gloria. "I have my mask to help me."

Gloria swerved in close to the Feltzer's rear bumper, then pushed against it with the Boost's rear bumper. "Aura, on!" she called. A yellow electrical field emitted from her mask and helped spin out the Feltzer.

"Using your mask, huh?" said Gorey. "Two can play at that game." He picked up his mask, put it on, and called "Powerhouse, on!"

He was then surrounded by a blue energy field. He turned the wheel against the spin in an effort to counter Gloria's PIT Maneuver. Unfortunately, he only succeeded in removing the car's steering wheel.

"Ah, the heck with it." he said as Gloria climbed out and approached.

XXXXXXXXXX

"This is getting redundant." said Max.

"I know." said Highway. "I think you should try to take him out permanently this time."

"Working on it." said Max.

"This is starting to get on my nerves." said Foyt.

"After I get Rockatansky, you will never have to hear about him again." said the Warrior.

"Can't you call him Mad Max like everyone else?" asked Foyt.

Max drove around a turn and came upon a parked tractor-trailer. The trailer contained a stack of culvert pipes which were braced with a pair of wooden beams.

"See what I see?" asked Max.

"Yeah." said Highway. "Think he'll follow you into that?"

"This guy is so obsessed, he'll follow me into an erupting volcano." said Max.

Max steered into the support beams and the pipes started to roll off the trailer. The first one landed on the hood of the Buccaneer, disabling it.

"That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." said the Warrior.

"Get out!" yelled Foyt.

She bailed out of the car as the rest of the culverts fell onto the roof of the car, crushing it. The Warrior slipped out next.

"That was worse than I thought it would be." he said.

"Ooh, definitely gonna feel that in the morning." said Highway.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Super Taxi pulled out onto the road and George passed out the fast food.

"Okay, Stanley." said George. "Here's your burger. And here's my burger. Kuni, I'll let you have my fries."

"Oh, thank you." said Kuni.

"And now, the prize." said George as he unwrapped the burger. "The wonderful, wonderful prize." He took a bite of the burger. After a couple of chews, he looked disappointed. "They forgot the onions." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

"And right now, the racers have completed the next to last continent before the finish." announced David.

"And I'm sure they'd like to hear that." said Schwag. "Europe must have been exceptionally hard on them. Ghosts, robots, vampires, all kinds of crazy stuff."

"And if that's not enough, you're not going to guess who's in first." said Frankie. "It's none other than Team Rocket!"

"You gotta be kidding me!" said Schwag.

"Believe me, he's not." said Phil. "Take a look at the map and you can see that the Piranha PDQ is now somewhere in Western Ireland. Not far behind are the Super Taxi and 1971 Bestia."

"Seriously, that's not funny." said Schwag.

"On top of all that, that battery-draining weapon was destroyed." said David. "So, to perform a song for Inspectors Nash Bridges and Joe Dominguez, here's Brad Turner."

Brad had taken to the stage. "I've also been informed that my friends in the race have fulfilled a goal of their own." he said. "This song goes out to them as well."

Brad started to play into the song.

**Movin' down the back streets.  
Pass the speed of light.  
Sparks burn inside of me.  
Gas and air adjusted right.**

**Layin' down some rubber.  
Needle's turning red.  
I'm blowing away.  
On the edge.**

**Never ceasing, never ending.  
My machine's what I live for.  
Don't even try to pass me,  
'cause I'll even up the score.**

**Cool and lean and righteous.  
Slipping through the air.  
I play for keeps,  
but I don't play fair.**

**And I'm street, street lethal.  
Poundin' down the back roads.  
Higher than a steeple.  
Street, street lethal.  
Come and watch me ride.**

**Movin' down the pavement.  
Don't get in my hair.  
Exploding in your faces,  
like a match to liquid air.**

**Bolting down the back straights.  
Spilling 'round the curves.  
I'll give you all,  
your just deserts.**

**One explosion, then another.  
Feeling it excel.  
Put the road behind me.  
Keep my feet out of hell.**

**Pulling up into the heavens.  
Blowing past a shooting star.  
First I'm near.  
Then I'm far.**

**And I'm street, street lethal.  
Poundin' down the back roads.  
Higher than a steeple.  
Street, street lethal.  
Come and watch me ride.**

**On this four-wheel heart attack.  
Customized to cut no slack.**

**And I'm street, street lethal.  
Poundin' down the back roads.  
Higher than a steeple.  
Street, street lethal.  
Come and watch me ride.**

**And I'm street, street lethal.  
Poundin' down the back roads.  
Higher than a steeple.  
Street, street lethal.  
Came and watch me ride.**

-"Street Lethal" by Racer X.

"I hope you'll stay with us." said Phil. "Because pretty soon, we are bringing you the thrilling conclusion to the race."

XXXXXXXXXX

Tanner drove the Clover through Western Ireland.

"Where do we set up?" asked Everett.

"As close to the bridge as possible." said Tanner. "That way, we have the best chance of catching him."

"Are you sure this is going to work?" asked Everett.

"Nothing else has." said Tanner.

They parked a few miles from the bridge, then climbed out. Tanner then took the package out of the trunk.

Stanley continued to drive down the road towards the bridge.

"Just one more bridge and it's clear sailing all the way to Arizona." said George.

"Ay." said Kuni. "All the way to victory!"

"Victory!" cheered Stanley.

Tanner and Everett walked to the edge of the road. The package was untied.

"If this goes well, he'll be in our grasp with no problems." said Tanner.

"I hope so." said Everett. "I just spoke to DeMarco and he was really mad."

"Here he comes." said Tanner.

"What do you want more?" asked George. "Victory or this french fry?"

"Victory!" said Stanley.

"Then, can I have the french fry?" asked George.

"I want nothing more than victory." said Stanley. "Nothing can..."

Stanley looked to the side of the road and saw Tanner and Everett. Tanner pulled the wrapping off of the package, revealing it to be...

"My mop!" yelled Stanley. He quickly jumped from the car and ran over to them.

"Did Stanley just jump out of the car?" asked Kuni.

"Yeah." said George. "Pretty bad considering he was driving."

The Super Taxi drove itself into a ditch.

Stanley ran over to his mop oohing and ahhing over it. He then looked up to see he was in big trouble.

XXXXXXXXXX

Darden and Korpi were on a jet plane heading out of France. The rest of the passengers were Scottish soccer hooligans cheering their country's recent victory. Korpi was on his cell phone.

"Okay. I'll tell him." he said before hanging up. "That was DeMarco. The task is finished. We're to meet with him in Vermont where he wants to have a word with us."

"Great, just great." said Darden.

"You got that right." said Korpi.

The pilot's voice came over the P.A. system. "Ladies and gentlemen, there's going to be a slight delay due to an obstruction on the runway."

Darden and Korpi looked out the window to see the herd of goats running in front of the plane.


	12. This Means War

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Chapter Twelve: This Means War

Korpi, Mitzi, and Foyt sat together at a table in a cabin somewhere in Vermont.

DeMarco walked in and took a seat on the other side of the table. "Okay, what went wrong?" he asked.

"Well, those Cannonballers seem to be extremely lucky." said Korpi. "They're also quite resourceful. I can't count the number of ways they destroyed the cars you gave us."

"They didn't even destroy the Windsor." said DeMarco. "However, you decided to abandon it anyway, Foyt. Why is that?"

"There was machine gun fire, Mr. DeMarco. I was..." said Foyt.

"Whoa, there was machine gun fire?" asked DeMarco. "That's funny, because the Warrior claims it was just weird sound effects."

"You try thinking of that when you've got a machine gun firing on your location." said Foyt.

"Watch your tone." warned DeMarco.

Foyt covered her mouth.

"I understand we called in an outside consultant in South America." said DeMarco. "I also understand this outside consultant had the potential to take over the world."

"Outside consultant?" asked Korpi. "Is that what they're calling alien parasites these days?"

"Yes, who called her?" asked DeMarco.

"That would be me, sir." said Mitzi. "I swear she promised that she wouldn't take over the world."

"How much stake do you have in her promises?" asked DeMarco.

"Well, I never had her make me a promise before, but..." said Mitzi.

"Tell me this." said DeMarco. "How much stake do you have in her promises?"

"I had no reason to believe her." Mitzi finally admitted.

"Ms. Foyt." said DeMarco. "Why did you have so much difficulty tracking down the Cannonballers? You had a relatively low success rate with them."

"After I lost the Windsor..." said Foyt.

"You mean after you abandoned the Windsor." said DeMarco.

"Yes." said Foyt. "Anyways, after that, I hooked up with someone who was actively seeking out one of the Cannonballers. Since his goal meshed with mine, I thought it was only natural."

"When you say he was seeking out one of the Cannonballers," said DeMarco "do you mean he was seeking out any Cannonballer or a specific Cannonballer?"

"Someone specific, Max Rockatansky." said Foyt.

"And who else?" asked DeMarco.

"Just Rockatansky." said Foyt.

"So, your partner narrowed his search too much." said DeMarco. "In his quest to eliminate one of the Cannonballers, you eliminated none."

"That's not true!" snapped Foyt. "In Africa, we set up those two doctored speed limit signs! One of them worked!"

"And the one you got was Team Rocket who are probably going to be disqualified someday anyway." said DeMarco. "Now, about those robots in Europe. Whose idea were those?"

"Mine, sir." said Mitzi.

"That had to be the stupidest idea I've ever seen!" said DeMarco. "It seemed like the Cannonballers just had to sneeze on those things and they'd shut down. Literally, that one guy just yelled at that one robot and it fell apart."

"I'm sorry." said Mitzi.

"And what was the deal with that Fury?" asked DeMarco.

"Hey, talk to Nichole about that." said Mitzi. "That was her idea. The rest of us just tagged along."

"Korpi, there was one thing you and your group did right." said DeMarco. "That was using the EDB. That was the only thing that effectively slowed down the Cannonballers."

"Thank you, sir." said Korpi.

"However, it doesn't really make up for the loss of every single car I gave you." said DeMarco. "I've made my decision. Korpi, of the people here, you are the most competant in battle. I'm putting you and the other Hunters in charge of keeping an eye on Mr. Spadowski. Keep in mind that the other Cannonballers will most likely be coming after him, so be on your toes."

"I will, sir." said Korpi.

"Foyt, you were pretty much horrendous." said DeMarco. "However, you brought in someone who can really hold his own in battle. For that, you two will help stand guard."

"Thank you, sir." said Foyt.

"And Mitzi." said DeMarco. "You and your group were just terrible. You hatched three major plans which ended in disaster. You failed to hold your own against several groups of Cannonballers. You also were unable to handle a simple dance-off. For that, I have to say 'Mitzi, you're fired.'"

Mitzi looked at him in complete shock. Korpi and Foyt also looked on stunned.

"Go on, out." said DeMarco.

Mitzi, Korpi, and Foyt got up and walked out of the cabin. Korpi and Foyt climbed into a jeep which then drove down a dirt road. Mitzi then climbed into a taxi which drove the other way.

During the cab ride, Mitzi started to reminisce. She remembered showing up at South Pointe Park. She remembered Nichole taking to the dance floor in Idaho. She remembered facing off with the Iron Chefs in Tokyo. She remembered her girls getting pummeled by Jessie and Annie in Australia. She remembered running over the NRG-500 and falling off the FCR-900. She remembered being defeated by Chun Li. Finally, she looked up and yelled "You call that a career?"

XXXXXXXXXX

"We have so much research done." said Hsu as the Amata Crescendo cruised through Ireland.

"We are going to make the best racing game." said Chan.

"Wait, something's going on." said Sushi X.

"He's right." said Hsu. "The Cannonballers are just parked there."

Sushi X brought the car to a halt and the team climbed out. Several Cannonball teams were parked around. Dominic and Jesse James were trying to get the Super Taxi out of the ditch.

"What's going on?" asked Chan.

"Apparently, a couple of hoods showed up and got Stanley to abandon the car." said Mike Nelson.

"It would have been nice if they let him stop first." said George.

"It looks like they kidnapped him and took off." said Memphis.

"In what?" asked Chan. "Where did they get transportation?"

Just then, Tommy's cell phone rang. "Vercetti."

"Tommy, it's Cam Jones."

"What's up?" asked Tommy.

"A couple of weeks ago, I was hired for a heist." said Cam. "We were supposed to steal the prize money for the Cannonball Run. The mastermind behind the heist said I'd get my share of the take, but he still hasn't ponied up."

"And you want me to go after the guy?" asked Tommy as Nash and Joe pulled up in the 'Cuda with Denis Leary in the backseat. Nash climbed out while Joe helped Denis out.

"I just found out you were taking part in the race." said Cam. "Maybe you can get the prize money back and teach him a lesson."

"I'll see what I can do." said Tommy. "Can you give me a way to contact the guy?"

"I'll text you his cell phone number." said Cam.

"What's going on?" asked Nash.

"Someone kidnapped Stanley." said Walker.

"We're still trying to figure out where they got transportation." said Mahoney.

"Yeah, I'm thinking this is who they got it from." said Joe as he presented the bruised and bloody Denis.

Tom Servo gasped "They beat up Denis Leary!"

"Good." said Crow.

"Hey, you want to dish about me, gold boy?" asked Dennis. "Maybe I should show you what I did to the last heckler who got on my case."

"They took your car?" asked Jesse. "What kind is it?"

"It's a '72 Pontiac LeMans." said Dennis. "It's mostly gray with a red door and hood. I just rescued it from a junkyard. I call it the Clover due to the fact that I'm of Irish extraction."

"Irish?" asked Jones.

"Yeah, you know." said Dennis. "Saint Patrick's Day, shamrocks, U2, Lucky Charms and all that."

"Nash, you know anything about the prize money being stolen?" asked Tommy.

"There was an attempt, but they got the explosives from the Monstruo by mistake." said Nash. "Whatcha got there?"

"We think it's the kidnappers' cell phone number." said Tommy.

"Let me give this a try." said Nash.

Nash took his cell phone and dialled Chloe's number as Xander and Walker came over. "Chloe, it's Nash. I'm about to dial a number on my cell phone. I need you to trace it somehow. Can you do that? Great. Bye bye." He then dialled the number on the text screen.

Tanner picked up on the other end. "Yeah, what's up?" he asked.

"Hi, is this the guy who kidnapped Stanley Spadowski?" asked Nash.

"Who is this?" asked Tanner.

"Let's just say I'm someone you're not going to want to meet if anything happens to Stanley." said Nash. "I'm giving you a deal. Release Stanley and we won't come after you."

"You wouldn't last a minute against our defenses." said Tanner. "And that's if you even find the place."

"Oh, we're gonna find you, bubba." said Nash. "And we're gonna get you too."

Xander took the phone and yelled "Yeah, we're gonna destroy you! You know why? 'Cause we've got Cordell Walker! This guy is so tough, he's the reason Waldo is hiding!"

"Well, I'm not that impressive." said Walker.

"The Great Wall of China was originally built to keep him out!" said Xander. "It failed miserably!"

"I wouldn't go that far." said Walker.

"This guy once shot down a German fighter plane by pointing at it and yelling 'Bang!'" said Xander.

"That's enough, Xander!" yelled Walker.

"He's already hung up anyway." said Xander.

Nash redialled Chloe. "Chloe, you got a fix on him? Where is he? We're there." Nash hung up and said "Chloe traced him to Vermont."

"Alright, let's get this guy!" said Max Payne.

"Dominic, get on the horn and call the other Cannonballers." said Nash.

"Got it." said Dominic.

He, Memphis, and Jesse climbed into the Bestia and he turned on the radio. A German man came over it and asked "Elvis? Elvis? Vere are you?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Matt drove through Western Ireland in the Boost.

"I heard from Duane Kennedy." said Gloria. "Gorey's in custody and is now being prepped for trial."

"Good to hear." said Matt. "We're done with our mission, so maybe we can just finish the race and return to headquarters."

"Forget that, I'm going for the win." said Gloria.

Dominic's voice came over the radio. "I'm calling any Cannonballers in Western Ireland. We have a situation. Stanley of Team U62 has been kidnapped. We are currently in the process of tracking down the perpetrators. Any Cannonballers interested in assisting in a rescue operation are requested to call in. Over."

"Matt, what do you make of that?" asked Bruce.

"I think DeMarco's men came upon a meal ticket." said Matt.

"We've got Gorey." said Gloria. "That's all we came for. Should we lend our assistance?"

"They have provided help in our goal." said Bruce. "A little payback would be nice."

Matt picked up the radio. "This is Matt Trakker of Team MASK. We'll be joining you soon."

"Good man, Matt." said Gloria.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Did you hear that?" asked Hightower as Flash drove through Ireland.

"Yeah, sounds like we're needed." said Tackleberry.

"Hey, what's this?" asked Flash.

In front of them was the ice cream truck. It had a flat tire. Flash parked next to it.

"What happened?" asked Hightower.

"Blowout." said Freddie.

"We heard the report of Stanley's kidnapping on the radio." said Velma. "If you help us out, we can join in the rescue operation."

"I've got this one." said Tackleberry. He climbed out of the car.

Flash drove off.

"Okay, time to fix the flat." said Tackleberry. "First thing we want to do is get the bad tire off. I'll tend to that right now."

He quickly took out hs gun and aimed it at the wheel.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" said Daphne.

"Uh, we actually want to put a new one on." said Shaggy.

"Oh." said Tackleberry as he holstered his gun. "I guess we can do this your way."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Looks like the racers are on their way to Vermont." said Frankie.

"Once they get there, serious butt-kicking is sure to follow." said Schwag.

"Hey, think they might need some traveling music?" asked Sheryl. She had taken to the stage with Blues Traveler.

"If you have something in mind, be our guest." said David.

"Alright." said Sheryl. "Hit it, guys."

Sheryl strummed her guitar, then the others started to play. She started playing a few seconds later. Then, she started to sing.

**I hitched a ride with a vending machine repairman.  
He said he's been down this road more than twice.  
He was high on intellectualism.  
I've never been there, but the brochure looks nice.**

**Jump in, let's go.  
Lay back, enjoy the show.  
Everybody gets high, everybody gets low.  
These are the days when anything goes.**

**Everyday is a winding road.  
I get a little bit closer.  
Everyday is a faded sign.  
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.**

**He's got a daughter he calls Easter.  
She was born on a Tuesday night.  
I'm just wondering why I feel so all alone.**  
**Why I'm a stanger in my own life.**

**Jump in, let's go.  
Lay back, enjoy the show.  
Everybody gets high, everybody gets low.  
These are the days when anything goes.**

**Everyday is a winding road.  
I get a little bit closer.  
Everyday is a faded sign.  
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.**

**I've been swimming in a sea of anarchy.  
I've been living on coffee and nicotine.  
I've been wondering if all the things I've seen were ever real. Were ever really happening.  
(Are they really happening?)**

**Everyday is a winding road.  
I get a little bit closer.  
Everyday is a winding road.**  
**I get a little bit closer.**

**Everyday is a winding road.  
I get a little bit closer.  
Everyday is a faded sign.  
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.**

-"Everyday Is A Winding Road" by Sheryl Crow.

The racers pulled into a junkyard in Vermont. Nash parked his 'Cuda in the middle of a clearing. The racers got out of their cars and Nash walked over to a cell phone left in the middle of the clearing. He dialled his cell phone and the cell phone on the ground went off.

"Son of a bitch!" he groused.

"Another dead end!" added Joe.

"What now?" asked Lara.

"Wait, someone's coming." said Cate.

Everybody turned to see where she was looking. They all saw Mitzi approaching.

"It's her again!" said Jesse Richmond.

"Let's nail her!" said Tommy.

"Hold on." said Sam Malone. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"Go on, take me out." said Mitzi. "It's not like I'm making much of a difference."

"I don't think this girl has it in her anymore." said Mad Max.

Everyone who had raised a weapon lowered it.

"Want to talk about what happened?" asked Nash.

Mitzi sat down on the front fender of a discarded Pacer and told her story.

"And then he just sat us down and explained why we failed and then fired me." she explained.

"Well, maybe you can help us get those guys." said Super Dave.

"Yeah, you can get yourself some revenge and show that you're not useless." said Gloria.

"You can start by telling us where that fortress is." said Artemis.

"Alright, but you guys are going to be in trouble." said Mitzi. "In all likelyhood, Yuri and his men were on their way."

"Great, just what we needed." said Jarod.

Dominic then noticed Jesse James was smiling.

"What are you smiling about?" asked Dominic.

"That guy set up a red herring in the worst place...for him at least." said Jesse as he looked around. "I'm thinking some halfway decent mechanics and engineers could turn this junk into a small army."

"Yeah, but can we use it to counter Yuri's psychic powers?" asked Corvax.

"Perhaps I can."

Everybody looked to see who said that.

"Looks like Rizzo got into Dr. Honeydew's growth serum." said Fozzie.

"Master Splinter!" called the Turtles.

"What are you doing here?" asked Leonardo.

"I sensed there was danger ahead for you." said Splinter. "So, I came to lend my assistance."

"Did you have a mystic vision?" asked Donatello.

"Yes, but I also saw the coverage on television." said Splinter.

"How'd you know where to find us?" asked Michaelangelo.

"I'm really not sure." said Splinter. "This is actually the first place I looked."

"Okay, here's what we're doing." said Nash. "Anyone who can fix up a car will help make battle vehicles. Anyone who can hook us up with someone who can help out will do so. Everyone else, come with me."

Nash then got on his cell phone. "Chloe, it's Nash. I need you to run a check on the state of Vermont."

"That's a pretty big area, even for New England." said Chloe. "What am I looking for?"

"Any place owned by Jimmy DeMarco." said Nash.

XXXXXXXXXX

At a place owned by Jimmy DeMarco...

"Here's where we'll be staying and keeping Stanley Spadowski." said DeMarco as they drove through the gates of a large fortress.

On their right was a long five-story building with white walls. A square building that was four stories high sat to their left. Futher on was a six-story building under construction. The three buildings were surrounded by a high white wall with a walkway at the top.

"What is this place?" asked Tanner.

"Casa DeMarco." said DeMarco. "On your left is what I call 'the Pit'. It's a torture chamber for my prisoners. Down at the other corner is what will be the laboratory for producing more and better drugs. The large building to your right is the main building. This would essentially be my home away from Miami. It's got living quarters for several dozen people, an office for me, a panic room that only I have access to, a gymnasium, a cafeteria serving fresh meals daily, a lounge, and of course, the nerve center of my security system."

"Sounds like you might be a little overprepared." said Tanner.

"Maybe." said DeMarco.

The two walked into the main building.

"Your room is on the third floor." said DeMarco. "As you can see, we've got several pieces of art around the place. Take this one for example."

He walked over to a bronze sculpture of a tray filled with baseball-sized spheres.

"Now, this is a nice piece of work." he said as he dropped his hand on it. The pile of spheres spilled onto the floor. "Mimi, call maintenance." he said.

DeMarco walked into his office. "And this is where it all happens." he said. "From here, I can monitor everything that goes on in this fortress. Also, I can talk to them and give them orders. Watch."

He opened a door and walked out onto a balcony. He picked up a microphone and a loud squeal of feedback was heard.

"Your PA system has a lot of feedback." said Tanner.

"Yeah, I have to get someone to fix it." said DeMarco. He then said into the microphone "Attention construction workers!" Feedback was heard again. "You've been working hard all morning." Feedback was heard again. "Take a break, you guys. Come back at..." Feedback drowned out his return time.

"What?" yelled the foreman.

"Come back at..." said DeMarco before feedback drowned out the return time again.

"What?" yelled the foreman.

"Never mind." said DeMarco.

XXXXXXXXXX

At Team Rocket's headquarters, Jessie, James, Annie, Oakley, and Meowth strolled in.

"Look, it's simple." said Jessie. "We just go in, grab some Pokemon, and get out before the boss finds out."

"And if he does find out?" asked James.

"Then we explain we're trying to rescue the prize money." said Jessie. "I'm sure he places a higher priority on that than our fellow racers."

They entered the waiting area for Giovanni's office. "Excuse me, is Mr. Giovanni in?" asked Annie.

"No, he's out." said the secretary. "In fact, he's been out for a while. He said he had business to attend to."

"Well, this is going to be easier than I thought." said Oakley.

They entered the room where they kept all the Pokemon they'd captured.

"I think we should take one of each type." said Jessie.

"I'll take Charizard and Alakazam." said Annie.

"I've got Magnezone and Hitmonchan." said Oakley.

"Looks like I'm using Gengar and Staryu." said Jessie.

"Hey, there's not much left." said James. "I think I'll take Blissey and Butterfree." James picked up the Pokeballs he selected, not knowing he had picked up a Metapod by mistake.

"Shall we go and help Mr. Spadowski?" asked Annie.

"If we must." said Jessie.

XXXXXXXXXX

Dominic looked over the row of Cannonballers in front of him.

"Okay, here's who opted to stay and help build war machines." he said. "Wile E. Coyote."

Wile E. held up a sign reading "Here."

"Jeff Boomhauer." said Dominic.

"Yep."

"Hsu and Chan Tanaka." said Dominic.

"Both of us here." said Chan.

"What are we doing here?" asked Hsu. "Neither of us has a lick of mechanical knowledge."

"But we can hook up wires with little problem." said Chan.

"Donatello." said Dominic.

"Present and accounted for." said Donatello.

"A simple 'here' would suffice." said Dominic. "Jaleel."

"Right here, bro."

"Bruce Sato." said Dominic.

"Yes."

"Ben." said Dominic.

"Mmmmm-hmmmm."

"Cary Ford." said Dominic.

"Here."

"B.A. and Murdock." said Dominic.

"We're in this." said B.A.

"Reese and Malcolm." said Dominic.

"All set." said Malcolm.

"The Sphinx." said Dominic. "Who the hell is the Sphinx?"

"That would be me." said a large man with a British accent.

"Oh Dominic, I'd like you to meet the Sphinx." said Memphis. "He's part of my auto theft crew."

"Oh yeah, you mentioned him a few times." said Dominic.

"And all this time, I thought he was from Long Beach." said Jesse.

"So, what are we doing with this junk?" asked Murdock.

"Luckily, I drew up plans." said Bruce. "Mason and Spike helped with them."

"These are mostly vehicles used by the various gangs in our world." said Mason.

"So, all that's left to do is everything." said Jesse.

Nearby, Sam Malone was on the phone. "So, the situation is a little tense here." he said. "We're mounting a rescue for one of the other Cannonballers and I was wondering if maybe your kids could lend some assistance."

"Sam, I know my kids aren't exactly angels." said Carla on the other end. "But you want to exploit their mischievous tendencies?"

"It's for a good cause." said Sam.

"Okay." said Carla. "What kind of forces are we talking about?"

"An international drug lord," said Sam "a couple hundred guards, some bloodthirsty henchmen, and we don't know what else."

"They're not that good." said Carla. "However, if you should find yourself in a bad part of South Boston, they'll get you and all the valuables out by daybreak."

Not far away, Mad Max was looking around concerned.

"You're thinking about the Warrior, aren't you?" asked Highway.

"He'll be there." said Max. "He's waiting for me."

"What are you going to do?" asked Highway.

"I have to end this." said Max. "But how do I defeat something that's nearly invincible?"

The T-X walked over. "Are you two going to help us out?" she asked.

"In a minute." said Max. "We're just pondering some tactics."

"If you don't hurry up, I might have to take your place." said the T-X.

"Wait, that's it!" said Highway.

"Brilliant!" said Max.

XXXXXXXXXX

In New York City, J and Mulder walked into a garage.

"Excuse us." said Mulder as they walked around the mechanics.

J walked over to a row of light switches and started flipping them. When they were flipped in a certain order, the floor lifted up, revealing a cache of space age weapons.

"I thought those switches didn't do anything?" asked one of the mechanics.

"What do these weapons do?" asked Mulder.

"They cause destruction." said J. "Just what we need, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so." said Mulder. He picked up a few guns, then saw a box. "What's in here?" he asked just before he opened it.

Inside were dozens of furry aliens and a medievel village.

"Oh, you found those guys." said J.

"Hey, it's the almighty J." said the aliens in unison. "All hail mighty J!"

"How are you guys doing?" asked J.

"We're fine." said the aliens. "How is the race going for you?"

"It's going well." said J. "Right now, we have to rescue a racer who was kidnapped by a madman."

"Alright!" cheered the aliens. "Go kick some madman ass! Oh, J, can you see?"

The two men then left. Just after stepping out, J turned around and took out his neuralizer.

"Sorry, guys." said J. He activated the neuralizer. "You did not see us come in and take a buttload of weapons. Oh, and those switches still do nothing."

K pulled up in the Lusso XT and opened the passenger side doors. "How'd you guys do?" he asked.

"We're armed to the teeth." said J as he climbed into the front.

Mulder climbed into the back and saw five wormlike aliens with arms and legs next to him.

"Hey, the MIB's have a new recruit." said one worm.

"No, he's got a different suit." said another worm.

"He's not with Men In Black." said a third.

"Poser." said a fourth.

"Uh, guys, we've got worms." said Mulder.

"Oh yeah." said K. "Guys, meet Mulder from the FBI."

"Hey, Mulder!" said the worms.

"Hi." said Mulder. "You're from New York I guess?"

"We're big worms." said one. "It's the Big Apple."

XXXXXXXXXX

At the junkyard in Vermont, the manager watched the race coverage on television.

"Right now, we don't have much to report on." said Phil.

"Mostly, that's because the racers are not doing much." said David.

"We'll try to get back to you with more to report." said Frankie.

"So, for now, we'll get back to you." said Schwag.

The manager was distracted by the scraping of metal on metal. He looked out his window to see a pile of cars shifting.

Outside, Jesse James and Memphis were using a tractor to drag an old El Camino away from the office.

"This thing's drivetrain is rusted through." said Memphis.

"Good thing we found that tractor." said Jesse. "We can use the drivetrain from that and possibly make a monster truck."

The manager stormed out of his office and said "What do you think you're doing?"

"Stealing." said Jesse.

"We're organizing a rescue effort for one of the Cannonballers." said Memphis.

"Take whatever you need." said the manager.

"Nice move." said Jesse as he picked up a discarded catcher's mask.

Dominic was talking with Jesse Richmond and Chester. "So, why did you stay?" he asked. "You were only supposed to stay here if you could work on a car."

"Well, we kinda missed the trip to the fortress." said Chester.

"What else is there?" asked Jesse.

"You could track down someone you know who can help us out." said Dominic.

"Like who?" asked Jesse.

"I dunno." said Dominic. "Anyone you ran across in the race."

Jesse and Chester looked at each other.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Modo Prego pulled into Ghostbusters headquarters in New York City. Peter, Winston, and Louis climbed out.

"Guys, I saw on T.V." said Egon. "What's going on?"

"We're putting together a rescue operation." said Peter.

"Need our help?" asked Ray.

"Yes." said Winston. "Egon, how's that ghost army project coming?"

"You want to use them?" asked Egon. "They're still a little unproven."

"Well, how are they coming?" asked Peter.

"They show a lot of promise." said Egon. "If Slimer is leading them, they pretty much pull together and follow orders."

"Good to know. Slimer!" said Louis.

Just then, a green ghost in the relative shape of a potato floated around the corner. It had a large mouth with teeth and long, thin arms. "Hey." it creeked.

"Slimer, we've got our first mission for the ghost army." said Ray. "Therefore, it's going to be up to you to lead them into action. You know you're qualified. Are you gonna do it?"

"Oh-kay!" said Slimer.

"Here's the location." said Louis as he handed the directions to Egon. "Get the army together and meet us there."

"You're leaving now?" asked Egon.

"We thought we might have to go a little reconaissance." said Peter.

"Good luck." said Ray.

Peter, Winston, and Louis got back into the Modo Prego.

"I see you didn't tell them about me." said John.

"It's a surprise." said Peter.

XXXXXXXXXX

_**Joel and Fearless**_

Joel drove across the bridge to North America.

"The Cannonballers are probably at the finish already." said Fearless.

"Maybe, but they've definitely got a bit of a lead on us." said Joel.

The car's phone rang and Fearless answered. "Smith and Stevens."

"Fearless, this is DeVille. I think we have a lead."

"You think we can get the Cannonballers?" asked Fearless.

"Forget them." said DeVille. "I did some checking. A drug dealer named Jimmy DeMarco just took one of the Cannonballers hostage. He's demanding the prize money as ransom."

"What are you saying?" asked Fearless. "We're helping the Cannonballers now?"

"We are." said DeVille. "Just like last year. The Cannonballers are staging the assault on DeMarco's fortress from a junkyard in Vermont."

"Alright. We'll be there." said Fearless. He hung up.

"What happened?" asked Joel.

"A drug dealer captured one of the Cannonballers." said Fearless. "We're supposed to work with them to perform the rescue."

"I think a drug dealer is a little worse than lead-footed maniacs." said Joel.

"Yeah, you're right." said Fearless. "Hey, check out that old Plymouth."

Joel pulled alongside an old Plymouth Fury at the next traffic light. "Watch this." he said.

He rolled down his window and said "Hey, that thing got a Hemi?"

The Fury just revved its engine and raced off.

"What's up with that?" asked Joel.

"Guess he's sick of that joke." said Fearless. "Come on, a '58 Fury wouldn't have a Hemi, even a red one."

Elsewhere, DeVille pulled up to a traffic light himself. A large, blueish-gray armored vehicle resembling a large R.V. pulled alongside him.

Gung Ho leaned out of the passenger-side window and asked "Hey, is this the way to Vermont?"

"Um, yeah." said DeVille.

"Merci." said Gung Ho. The vehicle rolled on.

"We're on our way to help the Cannonballers." said Stalker from the driver's seat.

"Mais oui." said Gung Ho. "It's the least we can do for them neutralizing the EDB."

"And with the R.O.C.C. on their side, victory won't be denied." said Stalker.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nash and the others made their way to the cabin where the meeting had taken place. Nash, Joe, and Mitzi, who was now wearing a white jumpsuit, climbed out of his 'Cuda.

"This is it." she said. "This is the cabin where he took us and did the nefarious deed."

"Alright, say no more." said Nash. "Joe, let's go for it."

Nash and Joe ran up to a pair of windows and drew their guns. Nash signaled to Joe, then they smashed open the windows. Joe fired a couple of shots and was greeted by a loud scream.

"Hold it. Hold it." said Nash. He reached over and turned on a lamp. He revealed Dale cowering by the door.

"I thought it was an outhouse!" he yelled.

"Damn." said Nash. He and Joe left the windows.

Nash's cell phone went off and he answered. "Talk to me, bubba."

"Nash, it's Chloe. I ran that check you asked for."

"Go ahead." said Nash.

"It's not good." said Chloe. "DeMarco owns a good portion of the local area. Finding that fortress is going to be like finding a needle in a haystack."

"Any good news?" asked Nash.

"I found out who built it and who we can get the blueprints from." said Chloe. "I've already sent Super Dave there since he has a history with one of them."

XXXXXXXXXX

At the Bluth Company...

"So, you're saying that we built this DeMarco guy's fortress?" asked Michael. "Great, first Saddam, now a vicious drug dealer. Is there anyone Dad didn't do business with?"

"All we need are the blueprints to the fortress." said Super Dave. "After that, we never spoke. We're going to put on a raid that's gonna blow your socks off."

"Okay." said Gob. "For a while, I thought that was going to be about the Pacific Ocean bridge collapse."

"Wait, that was your fault as well?" asked Fuji.

Gob looked at him for a second then mumbled "Don't think so."

"You've got some making up to do." said Fuji.

"I see." said Michael.

"Wait, Mikey." said Gob. "If these guys are planning a raid or something resembling one, maybe we can help."

"Or maybe we can get ourselves killed and take them with us." said Michael.

"I'm open to other suggestions." said Gob.

"How can you possibly help?" asked Super Dave. "I remember that magic show we did together. I still can't believe that car didn't explode."

"Well, maybe if you had stuck around instead of going to the hospital," said Gob "you would have noticed that I managed to get the fire under control."

"You know, Gob, that's actually not a bad idea." said Michael. "Maybe we can use one of your illusions to slip past the guards."

"Or maybe we can use one to send some of them to the hospital instead." said Gob. "Who knows? Maybe they'll face off with a little fireball!"

He quickly whipped his hand towards Super Dave and threw a fireball. However, Super Dave was standing too close and was set on fire. He ran out of the room screaming.

"You idiot!" said Fuji. "The man has been around petroleum products the last few weeks. How could you do that?"

"Oh right." said Gob. "First, you fart all over it. Now, you want to know how it's done. Come on!"

"What time is the invasion?" asked Michael.

"We'll let you know." said Fuji. "For now, we'll take those blueprints."

"Okay, I'll just find them for you." said Michael as Super Dave ran down the street engulfed in flames. "In the meantime, you can wait outside."

XXXXXXXXXX

Nash hung up his cell phone. "Thanks to Chloe, we know what's in the fortress, but we still don't know where it is."

"I'm starting to lose confidence in this girl." said Joe.

Just then, there was a rustling from the bushes. Nash pulled out his gun, then three backwoodsmen walked into view. One had a stocking cap and dark hair with a short beard. The second had black hair in a bowl cut and a lazy eye. The third had messy blonde hair and held his mouth open.

"Hi." said the man with the cap.

"How are you doing?" asked Nash as he put away his gun. "Inspector Nash Bridges, SFPD. And you are?"

"I'm Larry." said the man with the cap. He then pointed to the black-haired man and said "This is my brother Darryl." Darryl waved. Larry then pointed at the blonde man and said "This is my other brother Darryl." Blonde Darryl pointed to Nash.

"I take it you guys are from around here." said Nash.

"Sure are." said Larry.

"You wouldn't have happened to notice say...a fortress lying around, would you?" asked Joe.

"No, I don't think I would have." said Larry.

Blonde Darryl leaned over and whispered into Black-haired Darryl's ear. Black-haired Darryl then tapped Larry on the shoulder and whispered into his ear.

"OH! THAT fortress!" said Larry. "Yeah, I think I know where that is."

"Can you take us there?" asked Nash.

"Sure can." said Larry.

"Alright, hop in." said Nash as he pointed to the 'Cuda.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Heck no, I won't join you!" said Napoleon Dynamite. "Do I look like I can handle myself in battle?"

"But it's just us and a couple hundred of our closest friends." said Jesse.

"Well, you came to the wrong guy!" said Napoleon.

"Then maybe you can recommend someone who can help." said Chester.

"Maybe I will! Gosh!" said Napoleon.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shortly, Jesse and Chester found themselves downtown at a local martial arts dojo. In front of them was a well-built man wearing a black tank-top and American flag pants.

"I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome you to Rex Kwon Do." said the man. "I'm your instructor, Rex. So, what brings you here? Who sent you?"

"Napoleon Dynamite." said Jesse.

"Oh yeah, I kinda remember him." said Rex. "Gangly stringbean of a guy. Dances good."

"We need some assistance in raiding a fortress." said Chester. "They're holding someone we know hostage. We could use someone with fighting prowess for the rescue."

"Then you came to the right guy." said Rex. "For, you see, Rex Kwon Do is perfectly suited for a rescue operation. Just go in, get your man, get out, and take down any hooligan who gets in your way. In fact, I think I can give you a demonstration right now. Come on up."

Chester got up and walked to Rex. Jesse just leaned over a little. "Uh, is it okay if just Chester goes?" he asked. "My foot's asleep."

"Okay, here's what you do." said Rex. "I want you to come at me like you've got a knife."

"Don't do anything stupid." said Chester as he pretended to stab Rex. Rex grabbed his wrist and flipped him onto his back.

"Now can you tell me what mistake he made?" asked Rex.

"He didn't have a real knife." said Jesse.

"No, he tried to attack a practitioner of Rex Kwon Do." said Rex as Chester got back to his feet. "Okay, now I want you to try to grab me and wrestle me to the mat."

Chester got behind Rex and wrapped his arms around him. He then tried to wrestle him to the ground, only to be thrown to the mat himself when Rex gave him a quick flip.

"So, what time is the raid?" asked Rex.

Jesse and Chester walked out of the dojo. "What have we gotten ourselves into?" asked Jesse.

XXXXXXXXXX

At the junkyard, Jarod was reading through Bruce Lee's "The Tao of Jeet Kune Do".

Splinter walked up to him. "If you are planning to use martial arts in your battle, that is a good place to start." he said. "However, you might not have that much time to perfect your chosen art."

"Master Splinter, I believe you'll find me full of surprises." said Jarod.

Nearby, Joel Robinson had joined the SOL team.

"Hey, Joel, you brought your Snaction gear." said Tom.

"What is this stuff?" asked Mike.

"Back when I was on the Satellite," said Joel "Doctor Forrester would continue these special greetings from the Gizmonic Institute called Invention Exchanges. This was my contribution to one such exchange. It's called Snaction. I just thought that combining snack foods with martial arts weapons would be a good idea."

"So, what do we have here?" asked Crow.

"Well, we've got the stuff from the original Invention Exchange." said Joel. "Let's see. First, we have a Pixy Staff. It's a quarter staff filled with straight sugar. Next, we have the Flying Lady Fingers of Death, a combination cookie and thrown weapon."

"What's this?" asked Mike.

"That's based on a Chuck Norris film." said Tom. "We call it the Everlasting Octogobstopper. Over here, we have Wax Knuckles, like a wax lips/brass knuckles combo."

"And then, there's these." said Joel. "Ninja Throwing Cookies."

He picked one up and threw it at Gypsy. She caught it in her mouth.

"Those are tasty." she said.

"But that's not all." said Joel. "We've also got some new toys to play with. I give you Candy Chuks. You see, they're nunchuks made from candy canes. Also, we've got Candy Caltrops, which are candy corn dropped spikes. Finally, we have a Licorice Climbing Rope which is pretty much what it sounds like. So, what do you think, sirs?"

"Yeah, this should come in handy." said Mike as he picked up the climbing rope.

"Hey, something's going on at the entrance." said Joel.

Five vans pulled up into the entrance. They ended up parking next to each other.

A heavyset man with a missing left arm climbed out of the first van. "The name's Phil Cassidy." he said. "I'm looking for a Tommy Vercetti. I got a shitload of weapons for him."

"Nice to see you made it, Phil." said Tommy. "Cam Jones tipped me off on this."

"The rest of these guys with you?" asked Max Payne.

"Never seen 'em before." said Phil.

"I'm from the Carrington Institute." said the next driver. "I have some weapons and equipment for a Joanna Dark."

"Right here." said Joanna.

"I'm from UNITY." said the next. "I've got an equipment delivery for Cate Archer."

"Thanks for coming." said Cate.

"MI6 sent me." said the next. "An Agent James Bond supposedly requested some gear."

"I did indeed." said James.

"And who are you working for?" asked Francis of the last guy.

"Did somebody order a pizza?" he asked.

"Yo!" yelled Michaelangelo.

XXXXXXXXXX

At a state park in upstate New York...

"When's she supposed to get here?" asked Solid Snake.

"Soon, okay?" replied Ethan. "She'll be here."

Buffy and her team wandered into the clearing.

"So, this is the spot where he said we'd meet." said Xander.

"It's getting close to the meeting time." said Buffy. "I hope we're not late."

Then, they saw each other.

"What are you doing here?" asked Snake.

"We're meeting someone who can help us." said Willow. "Is that what you're doing here?"

"Yes, we are." said Ethan.

Just then, Tanya Adams parachuted into the clearing. "Hey, I thought you were coming alone." she said.

"Oh, we're meeting someone else." said Buffy.

"Here he is now." said Willow.

A Jeep pulled up and MacGyver climbed out. "Is this a surprise party?" he asked when he saw the others.

"Nice to see you too, Mac." said Tanya.

"Actually, the party's at Jimmy DeMarco's." said Xander. "Tanya, I believe you're bringing the party favors."

"After what you did with Yuri's fortress," said Tanya "I think I would like to run with you. Let's rock."

"Vermont, here we come." said Snake.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nash and the others seeking the fortress pulled up onto a cliff overlooking it. They all climbed out of their cars.

"Damn." said Nash. "This guy's got a decent spread going."

"Any ideas on how we're going to find out what's in there?" asked Joe.

"If it's okay with you," said Richard "I was thinking that maybe Larry, Bernie, and I could enter the fortress and take a look around."

"Are you sure that's safe?" asked Nash.

"Not at all." said Larry. "But someone has to do this. We don't exactly stand out, so we might have a chance to go in unnoticed."

"Well, if you insist." said Nash.

"Alright, we'll go in and look around." said Richard. "We'll try to memorize as much as possible and get out."

"Actually, that might not be necessary." said Dylan.

"What do you mean?" asked Joe.

"Charlie gave us a small camera system to use in case of situations like this." said Natalie. "It's small enough to fit in a baseball cap brim."

"I can attest to that." said Wayne. "Garth and I have been playing with it since Asia."

"On top of that, it broadcasts directly to a small monitor in the Karuma." said Alex.

"That sounds like a handy device." said Larry. "If it's okay, can you let us borrow it?"

"Of course." said Dylan as she handed it to him.

"Good luck, you guys." said Nash.

XXXXXXXXXX

In a fishing village somewhere in Brazil...

"Are you sure he's around here?" asked Lara.

"He should be." said Chun Li.

They heard a growl, then Blanka landed at their feet.

"What?" he asked. "What is the meaning of this crude interuption?"

"Blanka, we need your help." said Chun Li. "One of our competitors was kidnapped and we could use some assitance rescuing him."

"Why should I help you?" asked Blanka.

"Because we asked nicely." said Lara.

"We will fight." said Blanka. "If you can defeat me, I will help you."

"Sounds fair." said Chun Li.

Chun Li and Blanka took defensive stances on either side of the dock.

"Round one! Fight!"

"Who said that?" asked Lara.

Blanka quickly jumped into action and threw both of his legs into Chun Li. She blocked the kick and jumped back. After she sprung off the wall, she delivered a flying kick of her own. This one connected.

"Kikoken!" called Chun Li as she threw a fireball. Blanka blocked it, then launched into a Rolling Attack. He knocked her down.

Chun Li got back up and noticed Blanka pouncing on her. She jumped and performed a Rising Bird Kick. She sent him sprawling to the ground.

She landed and attempted a Head Stomp. He responded with his Electricity attack and shocked her to the ground.

He tried to perform his Hop attack, but she countered with her Spinning Bird Kick. She hit him several times and knocked him down.

He groaned as he got back up. "The time and place." he groaned.

"Here." said Lara as she handed him a slip of paper.

"I'll be there." said Blanka.

Lara walked over to Chun Li. "Nice work." she said.

"I am the strongest woman in the world." said Chun Li.

XXXXXXXXXX

At SIU Headquarters...

"It's beautiful." said Jesse as he looked at Zeke's GTO.

"This Foose guy is brilliant." said Dex.

"That looks nice." said Wildcat.

"Hey, guys." said Chip. "I heard from the guys in Vermont and they could use some help."

"Say no more." said Jesse.

"See you at the finish." said Dex as they started to leave.

"Okay, here's the plans." said Michael as he showed the blueprints to the Cannonballers.

"What's this?" asked Monk.

"Uh oh." said Chloe. "That looks like a K-1000 doomsday device."

"D-doomsday device?" asked Monk.

"Self-destruct mechanism." said Chloe.

Monk let out a whimper.

"Is there a way to disable it?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"Yes." said Chloe. "There should be two cutoffs in the fortress itself. If both are activated at once, the doomsday device will be shut down. Unfortunately, neither of those are on the blueprints. I'm going to have to get in there and work the computer to find it."

"Get in there and disable the doomsday device before they can set it off? Fat chance." said Stone Cold.

"Not necessarily." said Buckaroo. "This basement looks like a prime insertion point."

"The basement?" asked several people simultaneously.

"Are you out of your mind?" asked Harvey.

"Hey, keep in mind this guy's been through solid matter." said Antwon.

"Exactly." said Buckaroo. "I'm sure Brock will allow me to use the Oscillation Overthruster this one time."

"How are you going to generate that much speed?" asked Rob Zombie. "There aren't a lot of long fast stretches leading up to the fortress."

"And how are you going to stop?" asked Chloe. "Have you seen how little space there is in the basement?"

"I've got a plan." said Buckaroo. "It should work."

"What about security inside the fortress?" asked Perfect Tommy. "That place has got to be protected like Fort Knox."

"I'm going to need assistance in that department." said Buckaroo. "Chloe, maybe you can get one of your CTU cronies. Maybe if we're lucky, you can get us JACK BAUER?"

"Didn't you hear?" asked Chloe. "He's working for the Department of Defense now. He works exclusively with Secretary of Defense Heller."

AN:This is set prior to the fourth season of "24".

"Oh." said Buckaroo. "Well, is there someone you can call?"

"We've got this new guy, Curtis Manning, but he's working a case in Seattle." said Chloe. "And Chase is still recovering from his hand reattachment. Oh wait, I know who to call."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Ascent pulled into the fortress and parked in an out of the way spot. Richard and Larry climbed out.

"Did we have to bring Bernie?" asked Richard.

"We couldn't risk the others finding out about him." said Larry.

"Good point." said Richard.

They heard giggling.

"What's that?" asked Larry.

"It's coming from the trunk." said Richard.

Richard popped open the trunk and found Beavis and Butthead inside.

"Uh, hi." said Butthead.

"What are you guys doing in there?" asked Larry.

"We were playing hide and seek. Heh heh." said Beavis.

"Who was seeking?" asked Richard.

"Uh, was that important?" asked Butthead.

"Look, if you're going to join us, you might as well help out." said Richard.

"Don't you have a cousin named Richard?" asked Beavis.

"Yeah, Richard Head." said Butthead.

"Aim the camera at that building." said Larry.

Richard pointed the camera at the main building and asked "You getting this, Nashman?"

"Every bit." said Nash as he looked over Dylan's shoulder. "Keep looking around for a possible location for Stanley."

"Nice to see it's working so far." said Natalie.

"They want us to look around for a possible place for Stanley to be." said Richard.

"I think we should try that building over there." said Larry.

"Okay." said Richard. "Guard's coming."

"Hide." said Larry.

Larry and Richard ducked behind the Ascent and Richard set the camera on the car's trunk. The guard walked past.

"Okay, he's gone." said Richard.

Meanwhile, Beavis picked up the camera and looked into it. "Heh heh. Heeeere's Johnny." he said.

"What the hell?" asked Alex.

Butthead took the camera from him. "Watch this." he said. He moved the camera towards his crotch.

"No. No. No. No. No." said Nash.

Butthead stuck the camera into his pants. Nash, the Angels, and Wayne and Garth let out a moan.

"Whoa, I think I'm gonna hurl!" said Garth.

"No, Garth! Don't hurl!" said Wayne. "If you hurl, then Dylan's gonna spew! If Dylan spews, then Nash is gonna blow chunks! If Nash blows chunks, then Natalie's gonna puke! Then it's gonna be a major barf-fest!"

"What's going on?" asked Joe as he walked over. "Are they getting footage from the YAH!"

Butthead laughed as he worked the camera around inside his pants. Then, Larry snatched it away from him.

"Are you stupid or something?" yelled Larry. "This is not a toy! We are conducting a serious investigation here!"

"Larry?" said Richard.

"If you don't start taking this seriously, you can just go back to the car!" yelled Larry.

"Larry!" yelled Richard.

"What?" snapped Larry. He looked up to see they were completely surrounded by guards.

"We're having some fun now." said Nash sarcasticly.

XXXXXXXXXX

At the junkyard, Donatello rode up in a little cart.

"Hey, Donnie, whatcha got?" asked Memphis.

"I got a little alternator." sang Donatello as he handed him an alternator. "I got a little carburetor." he sang as he handed him a carburetor. "I got a little radiator." he sang as he handed him a radiator. "I got a little Waste-a-gate-or." he sang as he handed him a wastegate.

Jesse James got a call over his cell phone. He answered and discovered it was Buckaroo. "Hey, what's up?" he asked.

"Jesse, I need a high-performance vehicle I can use to make an insertion vehicle." said Buckaroo. "I think if I make the right plans, we can get into the fortress by the basement."

"Buckaroo, if you had a high-performance vehicle, would you let it be taken to a junkyard?" asked Jesse.

"What does he need a high-performance vehicle for?" asked B.A.

"He said he's going to make a vehicle to get into the fortress." said Jesse.

"I think I know just what he needs." said B.A.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Hunters sat around the lounge and played poker while Stanley sat in a chair near them bound and blindfolded.

"I'm thinking of a word that's always pronounced wrong." said Stanley. "It's always pronounced wrong. Give up? It's 'wrong'!"

Darden slammed down his cards. "Let me kill him." he said as he started to get up.

"Don't." said Korpi as he put his hand on Darden's shoulder. "If DeMarco comes down here and finds the guy dead, who do you think is gonna be next?"

"Relax, Darden." said Joe. "How much more annoying can he get?"

Stanley started to sing at the top of his lungs. "When I get to the bottom, I go back to the top of the slide where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride 'til I get to the bottom AND I SEE YOU AGAIN!"

This time, Paul and Feliz dropped their cards and marched over to Stanley. They picked him up and carried him into the closet. They left him in there and shut the door.

"I think we're going to have to replay that hand." said Max.

"Hey, dontcha like the Beatles?" yelled Stanley from the closet.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jesse, Dex, and Wildcat showed up at the junkyard.

"Man, look at all this wasted potential." said Jesse. "Some of these cars could have been so gnarly."

"Some of them will be." said Bernard as he walked over. "We're amassing an army here."

"Wow, Sky Captain would flip if he saw this." said Dex.

"Hey, where is he?" asked Wildcat.

"Yeah, we haven't seen him in a while." said Jesse.

"I'll check." said Dex. He took out his radio and called Sky Captain. "Dex calling Sky Captain. Where are you?"

Sky Captain was at a research station in Antarctica. "Dex, I'm glad you called." he said. "I took some damage in Antarctica. I've been grounded while the base personel are fixing the plane. I heard about Stanley and I'll try to get to Vermont as soon as I can."

"Okay, we'll keep an eye out for you." said Dex.

"Kind of hard to believe a couple of weeks ago, we were ready to kill each other." said Ford as he dragged a rear axel over to a pile of junk.

"Got a point there, bro." said Jaleel. "What we're doing is joining forces over a common cause."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Those two burnouts just screwed up the whole damn investigation!" said Nash. "Right now, we need someone to get the hell in there and pick up where they left off! Tell me this: are you going to be that someone?"

"Inspector Bridges, you can count on us." said Chairman Kaga. "I may just be a businessman and my Iron Chefs may just be very excellent chefs, but we shall perform this to our best."

"Okay, I wish you luck." said Nash.

Kaga and the Iron Chefs started towards the fortress. That's when Joe came running over.

"Nash?" he said. "You gotta come see this!"

Nash ran over to where he indicated. "Holy crap." he said.

In front of him, Yuri had gathered his army on another cliff. About twenty units were parked. A Floating Disk drifted over the fortress and parked itself between the sun and DeMarco's office.

DeMarco was in his office looking at the Chaos mask when it was engulfed in shadow. He set the mask down and went out onto the balcony. "What the hell is this about?" he yelled.

"Jimmy DeMarco!" yelled Yuri over a loudspeaker. "You have in your possession the Chaos mask! That mask holds the secret to defeating my mind control abilities! You will give it to me or we will open fire!"

"You wanted it so badly, you should've gotten it yourself!" yelled DeMarco. "We got Spawodski, so we earned the right to the Chaos mask! Find another weakness in your power to cover up! There has to be a few of those!"

"I will give you three hours!" said Yuri.

"Fine! I'll be in the drug lab!" said DeMarco.

"We're not going to open fire?" asked the pilot of the Floating Disk.

"No." said Yuri. "Let's wait for the Cannonballers to show up. Then, we can use them against DeMarco."

In the fortress, Kaga and the Iron Chefs snuck through while everyone else was transfixed on the Floating Disk.

"(It's a good thing Yuri picked this time to show up.)" said Kobe.

"(I know.)" said Chen. "(He gave us an adequate distraction.)"

"(Come, we must find where the prisoners are being held.)" said Kaga.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky, Wario and his team sat on the deck of their cabin.

"It's a nice day." said Waluigi.

"Yeah." said Wario. "Wish we still had a pool."

"We could use some snacks." said Bowser.

"I'll get them." said Wario.

He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bag of chips. Just then, there was a loud crash from outside.

"What was that?" asked Wario as he walked through the door to the deck. He then fell five feet onto the collapsed deck face-first.

"Oh nothing." said Waluigi who was standing with Bowser on what remained of the deck.

Not far away, a vehicle that looked remarkably like a jet fighter on wheels raced down the highway.

"It's definitely fast." said Buckaroo from the driver's seat.

"It's a little hard to maneuver though." said Artemis from the passenger seat. "You missed a turn back there and took out someone's deck."

"Yeah, I have to work on that." said Buckaroo. "Thanks for helping me get it restarted."

"What did B.A. call this thing again?" asked Regis.

"He called it the SLF450X." said Buckaroo. "And no, I don't know what that means."

"Next stop is Vermont." said Artemis.

"Actually, we have a couple of stops to make." said Buckaroo. "First, we have to stop by the Banzai Institute to install the Overthruster and Hyperthruster, then Ghostbusters Headquarters to install the Ecto Booster."

XXXXXXXXXX

Nash looked out at Yuri's forces concerned.

"You alright, Nashman?" asked Joe.

"Yeah, I'm just wondering if we can handle both DeMarco AND Yuri." said Nash.

"I don't see how we can lose just yet." said Joe. "We've got quite a few tricks up our collective sleeves."

Just then, the Majestic pulled up. Joel and Fearless climbed out.

"Inspector Nash Bridges?" asked Fearless. "Detectives Smith and Stevens, LAPD."

"What can I do for you, bubba?" asked Nash.

Fearless looked a little insulted.

"Sherriff DeVille asked us to help you out in the raid." said Joel. "He says that an international drug dealer takes precedent over the Cannonballers."

"Well, it's about damn time." said Nash.

"We're prepared to give you any assistance you might need." said Fearless.

"We're still hammering out the details of a potential raid." said Joe. "You know, insider information, reconaissance, amassing forces. That kind of thing."

The Modo Prego pulled up.

"These guys might have something." said Nash.

Peter, Winston, Louis, and Danny climbed out.

"When's this raid supposed to start?" asked Danny.

"As soon as we can." said Nash. "The Ghostbusters get anything to help?"

"We sure did." said Peter. "We talked to Egon and he's bringing an army of ghosts."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" asked Joe. "Don't you remember what happened in Europe?"

"I do." said John over the Modo Prego's radio.

Everybody looked at the Modo Prego in surprise. "I don't even want to know at this point what that was." said Nash.

XXXXXXXXXX

At the junkyard, Boomhauer and Wile E. worked together on a discarded ambulance.

"I think we gotta yank that dang ol' back end off!" said Boomhauer rapidly. "Then, we gotta bang bang bang on a rollcage for that ding dang turret!"

Wile E. stared at him, then held up a sign with multiple question marks on it.

"How am I supposed to help with this?" asked Reese. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do!"

"Why don't you do that trick where you turn off your brain?" said Malcolm. "Then, you just do what they ask of you."

Reese closed his eyes, then walked away with a vacant look on his face.

Malcolm turned to the camera and said "I'm so glad I can't do that."

The Hotknife pulled into the junkyard. DeVille got out and looked around.

"Hey, it's the chief of police." said Hsu.

"What brings you here?" asked Chan.

"I've come to help you rescue your friend Stanley." said DeVille. "Mr. X gave me a call and briefed me on my way here."

"You want to talk to the bald guy." said Hsu.

"Thank you." said DeVille. "By the way, aren't you the Tanaka Brothers? Video game designers?"

"That's us in a nutshell." said Chan.

"'Zombierama' just sucked big time." said DeVille.

"Why, I oughta...!" said Hsu.

XXXXXXXXXX

Richard, Larry, Bernie, Beavis, and Butthead were in DeMarco's dungeon chained to the wall.

"This sucks." said Butthead.

"Yeah yeah, heh heh." said Beavis. "This is really boring."

"If it helps," said Larry "try to imagine yourself somewhere else. Take a tropical island for example."

"Uh, okay." said Beavis. He closed his eyes. Soon, he imagined himself on a tropical island. He was basking in the sun. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt. He was wearing sunglasses.

He was chained to two palm trees.

Suddenly, someone entered the cell where they were. Everybody (except Bernie) looked up to see it was the Warrior.

"So, what brings you to our humble abode?" asked Richard.

"You five are working with Rockatansky." said the Warrior. "I require your assistance in my mission to eliminate him."

"In what capacity would we assist?" asked Larry.

"You would be bait." said the Warrior.

"No way, buttmunch." said Butthead.

The Warrior extended a couple of knives from his arm and pointed them at Butthead. "Perhaps I should torture you a little bit until you give in." said the Warrior. "How do you want the torture to be performed? The blades under your fingernails? Lopping off your toes one by one? Hang you by your arms with heavy weights tied to your legs?"

"Uh..." said Butthead. "...uh...uh...uh...uh...could you, like, repeat the choices a few times?"

"Feigning stupidity will not save you." said the Warrior.

"I don't think he's feigning." said Larry.

"I will leave you to ponder your decision." said the Warrior.

The Warrior turned and walked out of the dungeon. On the way out, he passed a drug lab.

"This is our latest concoction." said a scientist.

"They look like M&Ms." said DeMarco.

"They're actually caffeine pills." said the scientist. "Yes, these contain caffeine, but we can hide virtually any drug in them. Cocaine, heroin, amphetamines."

"Interesting." said DeMarco. "How soon can you test on the prisoners?"

"We've still got some tests to run first." said the scientist.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the lunchroom, the Iron Chefs looked around.

"(We must have made a wrong turn.)" said Kaga.

"(This does not look like a high quality establishment.)" said Kobe.

"(This is obviously their lunchroom.)" said Chen. He looked at the schedule and said "(Uh oh, lunch is served in twenty minutes.)"

"(Hide in the kitchen.)" said Kaga.

Kaga led his Iron Chefs into the kitchen where the staff looked up at them.

"Greetings." said Kaga. "We have come to prepare a special gourmet meal for Mr. DeMarco's guards."

"Well, you're just in time." said the head cook. "Half of them are coming in for lunch soon."

"Very nice." said Kaga. "(Kobe, Chen, let's get to work.)"

"(Chairman, surely we're not going to prepare a meal for our enemies.)" said Kobe.

"(We are, but not a good one.)" said Kaga. "(I want you both to prepare a meal that will make the guards ill-equipped to fight.)"

"(I know just the thing.)" said Chen. "(Kobe, remember the match at the pre-race party?)"

"(Of course I remember.)" said Kobe. "(Strangest outcome of any of my matches. Why do you ask?)"

"(I watched the one called Reese during the match.)" said Chen. "(I think we can recreate his recipe.)"

Kobe took a look around. "(I hope we have enough tomatoes.)" he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Kaga hasn't called in yet." said Nash. "I hope he hasn't been captured as well."

"This probably sounds stupid, but maybe we can send in someone else." said Joe.

"How do we get someone else in there?" asked Nash.

"Perhaps I can help." said John Raimi through the Modo Prego's radio. "Since the guards can't see me, I can scout out the whole place completely undetected."

"Won't you lose energy over distances that long?" asked Louis.

"I can make it up." said John.

"Okay. Good luck." said Nash.

John left the Modo Prego and slipped across the cliff and down to the fortress. He entered the compound through the security camera and possessed the security system. He used the cameras in his attempt to find Stanley. He found the Hunters playing poker in the lounge.

"Why are they there?" asked John to himself. "Shouldn't they be guarding Stanley? Or are they guarding Stanley?"

XXXXXXXXXX

At the junkyard, almost a dozen vehicles were parked near the entrance. All had weapons and armor welded to them.

"Okay, people." said Dominic. "Our attack force is now complete. Let's get in and show them how we roll."

"Yeah!" yelled the Cannonballers.

"Listen, we know where this DeMarco is hiding out." said Memphis. "Now, we have to go and rescue our guy."

"Let's hit it!" said Jesse James as he donned the catcher's mask.

"We've got the Monster." said Dominic as he and his team approached a blue pickup truck with twin diesel stacks.

"We're using the Fireball." said Dex as he, Jesse, and Wildcat walked to a purple '69 Firebird.

"I guess the Primer's ours." said Daffy as he, Bugs, and Wile E. looked at a gray Camaro with a missing rear hatch.

"Gentlemen, we have the Brahma." said Hank. In front of them was the El Camino which was now painted red and mounted on the tractor chassis.

"This is ours, the Pinata." said Hsu as he and Chan started to get into a yellow Miata.

"Guys, I give you the Shag." said Donatello as he showed off a faded green van.

"This is what we're driving." said Bruce as he presented a gray Porsche 911. "It's called the Rattail."

Bernard, Sam, and Max walked over to a rusted gray delivery van. "Ben, are you joining us in the S.T.V?" he asked.

"No, I've got this." said Ben as he got onto the Stump.

"Looks like we've got the Lizard." said Ford as he climbed into a dune buggy with yellow roll bars and green panels.

"Nice rolling with you." said Jaleel as he climbed in.

B.A. and Murdock got into a platform with a caged turret on the chassis of the ambulance. "We're calling this one the Mercenary." said B.A.

"You coming, Michael?" asked Murdock.

"No, I'm going with KITT." said Michael as he climbed back into the Knight.

"I must be out of my programming." said KITT.

"What do you say to a partnership?" asked the Sphinx as he climbed into an orange '69 Camaro.

"Sounds lovely." said DeVille. "So, what's this car called?"

"Believe it or not, the Pumpkin." said the Sphinx.

"Who named it? Billy Corgan?" asked DeVille.

"Think these guys can handle the cars?" asked Spike as he got into the Omega.

"We're about to find out." said Mason as he got in.

"Ready to commit assault..." said Highway as he got into the Rigg.

"...and battery!" sneered Jetto as he climbed into the turret.

"Move out!" yelled Memphis.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the fortress lounge, the Hunters heard mumbling from the closet.

"Now what is he doing?" asked Lance.

"I dunno, let's check on him." said Korpi.

"If he's being annoying, waste him." said Darden.

Johnny opened the door. They found Stanley standing up next to the chair.

"Oh, guys." he said. "I need to have these ropes retied, they seem to have come off."

"How did you get loose?" asked Max.

"Oh, I got the ropes caught on this lever and they just unravelled." said Stanley. "Can you also do something with this device? The beeping is driving me crazy."

The Hunters looked at the device in question. It was one of DeMarco's doomsday device triggers...and Stanley had triggered it.

"Turn it off! Turn it off!" yelled Joe.

The Hunters (except for Paul and Feliz who were still playing poker) ran into the closet and tried to stop the countdown. Meanwhile, Stanley used the confusion to escape.

"Thank God we took care of that." said Johnny.

"Where's Stanley?" asked Korpi.

"He went out the door." said Paul without looking up from his cards.

"After him!" ordered Darden.

They ran out the door after Stanley and left Paul and Feliz to play their poker game.

"What do you have?" asked Paul.

"Two of a kind." said Feliz as he laid down his cards.

"Me too, same ones." said Paul as he did the same.

Feliz checked Korpi's cards. "Ooh, Korpi could've beaten us." he said.

Stanley ran down the hall and tried going through a door. A woman screamed on the other side. "Sorry." said Stanley. He started back towards the lounge and saw the Hunters chasing him.

"There he is!" yelled Lance.

Stanley ran back down the hall and entered the gym. He ran over to the climbing wall and tried to climb it.

"I've got this one." said Korpi. He climbed the wall after him.

Stanley reached the top of the wall and grabbed one of the ceiling rafters. He then crawled along it hand-over-hand. Korpi reached the top and tried to follow him. His hand slipped and he fell into a large mattress next to the climbing wall.

"Korpi, you alright?" asked Darden.

"I landed on my keys." groaned Korpi.

Stanley reached a rope running from the rafter to the wall and slid down it.

"We've got him." said Johnny as he and Lance ran to the other end.

Stanley let go of the rope and fell into a pile of basketballs. Johnny and Lance started to come at him. He picked up a basketball, threw it at Johnny, and yelled "Bombardment!" He hit him in the head, knocking him down.

Stanley picked up another basketball and threw it at Lance, again yelling "Bombardment!" Lance took it in the stomach and collapsed.

Stanley then climbed into a boxing ring and encountered Darden. Darden threw a straight punch, then an elbow strike, followed by a claw strike, then an uppercut, then finished with a spin kick.

Stanley threw an overheard strike, then a backhand punch, then a karate chop, followed by a straight punch, then finished with the stance for the crane kick.

Darden approached him and Stanley struck out with the crane kick. He hit Darden right in the groin.

After Darden fell to the mat, Stanley jumped out of the ring and Max cornered him by a punching bag. He took cover behind it and dodged Max's punches. After Max tried punching around the bag three times, Stanley shoved it into him.

He then ran for it, but tripped over a barbell. Joe came towards him as he was getting up. "End of the line." he said.

Stanley picked up the barbell and threw it at him. It knocked him down.

Stanley ran out of the gym and went to the elevator. He started to hammer the up button muttering "Come on, come on."

"He's at the elevator." said Korpi. Max, Darden, Johnny, and Lance were with him.

Stanley ran up the stairs next to the elevator. The Hunters followed him. Darden was bringing up the rear due to his injury.

"Wait up, guys!" yelled Joe as he removed the barbell from his chest. He got up and ran after them. By the time he reached the stairs, the elevator had arrived. He stepped in, completely unaware that John was in there as well and had possessed the elevator controls.

Joe pushed the button for the top floor. The elevator cruised up the shaft and the doors opened at the top. Just as Joe was about to step through, the doors snapped shut. Then, the elevator dropped rapidly and stopped just shy of hitting the bottom of the shaft. It then rose quickly and stopped, then dropped again. Joe started to visibly panic.

"Scared shitless." said John. "Just how I like it." He then left the elevator controls and headed for Joe.

At the top of the stairs, Stanley ran across the landing and tried to open the door to the balcony. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to open it before the Hunters arrived.

"No, no, we can talk about this." said Stanley.

"I say we cut off all his fingers!" yelled Korpi as he grabbed Stanley.

"Yeah!" yelled the other Hunters.

"After that, let's gouge out his eyes!" yelled Johnny.

"Yeah!" yelled the other Hunters.

"After that, let's yank out his intestines!" yelled Max.

"Yeah!" yelled the other Hunters.

"But before all that, let's let him go." said Stanley.

"Ye..." the Hunters started to yell before realizing who said it.

The elevator doors opened and Joe stepped out looking somewhat possessed (because he was).

"We are gonna have lots of fun with you." said Lance.

"Yeah!" yelled the other Hunters.

Joe then grabbed Lance and Johnny by the back of the head and slammed their heads together.

"Joe, what the..." Max started to ask before Joe grabbed him by the collar and punched him in the jaw.

"Whose side are you on?" asked Korpi just before Joe punched him. He was forced to release Stanley.

Darden jumped up and started to strangle Joe. John picked then to vacate his body.

"Darden, stop." gasped Joe. "Spadowski's getting away."

"Shut up, traitor!" yelled Darden.

"That bought him some time, but how much?" thought John. "I have to get help."

XXXXXXXXXX

"I'm getting worried." said Joe Dominguez. "What if John didn't make it?"

"Patience." said Nash. "Just wait."

Just then, the radio in the Modo Prego came on. "Is anyone there? I saw you out there!" said John.

The Cannonballers ran over to him. "John, what's going on?" asked George.

"Stanley managed to escape." said John. "But he's still trapped in the fortress. The Hunters are after him. They're going to kill him. You have to hurry."

Upon hearing that, George turned and ran for the fortress.

"There's a tunnel at the base of the wall." said John. "If you take that, you should be able to enter without being noticed."

George ran through the tunnel. Within a minute, he reached the end in DeMarco's fortress. He looked around for an entrance to the building. He found it quickly enough, but it was heavily guarded. He looked at the entrance and wondered how he'd get through. He then focused on the flashing red light over the doorway. It flashed over and over and over and over...

XXXXXXXXXX

A dozen of DeMarco's guards occupied the lobby. Two of them manned a walk-through metal detector with a flashing red light atop it.

George walked into the lobby wearing black combat boots, black pants, a black t-shirt, a black trenchcoat that was buttoned up, black sunglasses, and was carrying a black duffel bag.

He dropped the duffel bag onto the conveyor belt and stepped through the metal detector. He managed to set it off.

"Okay, open it up." said a guard.

George opened his trenchcoat to reveal about a half-dozen Super Soakers strapped to his body.

"Whoa, check this out!" said another guard. "Wait, how did plastic set off the metal detector?"

George grabbed two of the Super Soakers and blasted the two closest guards. The rest of the guards jumped into action as J.D. came in wearing a black leather jumpsuit, black boots, a black trenchcoat, and black sunglasses.

"How come I gotta be Trinity?" he asked as George handed him a pair of Super Soakers.

The guards fired their Super Soakers at George as he ran through the lobby. The shots of water hit the wall and blew holes in it. George then ran up onto the wall as it exploded behind him.

One of the sections of the wall fell away to reveal the back of a toilet and the man using it. He turned around to see what was going on and saw the hole. He used his newspaper to hide behind.

George hid behind a pillar and checked his Super Soakers. He glanced over his shoulder at the guards. He then flew across the lobby in slow motion firing off his Super Soakers in the process. He managed to take out a few of them and landed behind another pillar.

The remaining guards fired on George's position. They punched holes in the pillar while George checked his Super Soakers. J.D. hid behind another pillar which was also getting shot up.

"What is this? Flour?" asked J.D.

George and J.D. dove across the lobby again firing on the guards. This time, they took out all but one.

George dropped the Super Soaker and ran towards the guard. The guard raised his Super Soaker, but George got to him first. He jumped and pulled up his legs. The action froze long enough for the shot to rotate around them. At the end of the rotation, George shot out his leg and kicked the guard in the chest, knocking him across the room.

J.D. picked up the duffel bag and said "Let's go."

George gave him a thumbs-up and turned to the elevator. He stopped when he felt something was wrong. He looked down and discovered he'd split his pants when he kicked the guard. He walked to the elevator while holding his inseam together.

George and J.D. stepped into the elevator. Just after the doors closed, a stone panel fell over.

On the roof, George and J.D. found a few more guards surrounding a helicopter. They equipped themselves with Super Soakers and strolled towards the helipad.

The guards started to attack them, but they fought back with both barrels.

The helicopter pilot watched this. Suddenly, he started to flicker and distort. Quickly, he turned into Dick Van Patten. A second later, he turned into DeMarco wearing a black suit and sunglasses.

As the last of the guards fell, DeMarco approched and said "Mr. Newman."

George and DeMarco faced each other with their Super Soakers. Finally, DeMarco fired his at George. George fell back in slow motion as the shots of water wizzed over him.

While he was leaning back, George walked towards a horizontal pipe as Jamaican music played. He leaned a little lower and walked under the pipe. After he made it through, he held out his hands in a victory pose, then fell onto the roof.

DeMarco walked up, pointed his Super Soaker at him, and said "Only human."

J.D. pointed his Super Soaker at the side of DeMarco's head at point-blank range and said "Dodge this."

J.D. fired a shot of water, but DeMarco quickly tilted his head.

"Well, what do you know?" said J.D. "He dodged it."

George kicked DeMarco in the side of the leg. J.D. then blasted him. George got back up, then he and J.D. approached the helicopter.

"I got this one." said J.D. as he took out his cell phone and dialled. "Hey, Carla? I've got a helicopter right here. I need to know how to fly it."

"Coming right up, Bambi." said Nurse Carla on the other end as she typed on her computer.

There was a buzzing sound. Then, J.D. held up the instruction manual for the helicopter. "Uh huh, I think I've got this." he said.

In the office below, DeMarco was taunting Stanley. Stanley was wearing a dark suit with a black trenchcoat and sunglasses.

"You know what you are?" asked DeMarco. "You're a loser. Your friend Mr. Newman is a loser. I'm willing to bet anyone else in this daydream is also a loser."

J.D. flew the helicopter closer to the window. George attached a bungee cord to his belt and prepared to jump. He looked at a sign next to the door that read "No bungee jumping" and ripped it off the wall. He then jumped out of the helicopter and swung towards the window.

XXXXXXXXXX

George swung through the window and returned to reality. DeMarco and the Hunters had finally recaptured Stanley and were right in front of him. He sprung back up and approached DeMarco while performing kung fu punches and strikes. Finally, he stopped and held up his hands fingers up, knuckles facing DeMarco. He used his closer hand to beckon him.

"What's this guy doing?" asked Korpi.

"I know kung fu." said George in a very Keanu Reeves voice.

Darden put a gun in his face.

"Oh, you have one of those." said George. "Look, if it's not too much trouble, can I just take Stanley and leave?"

"Oh no." said DeMarco. "We've got some major punishment for you. Take them to the Pit. I'm going back to my office."

George and Stanley were led into the main hallway. The Hunters were right with them. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Max, go see who that is." said Darden.

Max walked over to the door and opened the peephole. He saw Marcus running towards him. Marcus jumped at the last second and kicked in the door, right on top of Max.

Up in his office, DeMarco ran to the balcony to see the Cannonballers approaching.

Dominic parked the Monster and let Jesse climb onto the roof. Memphis leaned out of the window and yelled "Ladies and gentlemen! Jesse James! The master fabricator! The vanilla gorilla! The Ayatollah of rock and rolla!"

Jesse flipped down his catcher's mask and picked up a megaphone. "DeMarco!" he growled in a very low, raspy voice. "All we want are George and Stanley! The rest of you can leave! Just walk away and I'll spare your lives! Just walk away!"

DeMarco picked up a microphone of his own and the P.A. system in his fortress whined with feedback. "You think you can threaten me?" he said before feedback squealed again. "Are you looking for a response?" Again, more feedback. "Well, here's my response! Go..." Feedback drowned out his next word. "...yourself!"

"Okay, bonehead didn't bite." said Jesse to Dominic and Memphis. "Let's rumble."

Dominic hit the play button on the CD player.

**Yeah!**

Dominic activated the weapon systems in the Monster.

**Kick it!**

The other Cannonballers activated the weapon systems in their cars.

**You wake up late for school, man, you don't wanna go.  
You ask your mom "Please?", but she still says "No"  
You missed two classes. Have no homework.  
But your teacher preaches class like you're some kinda jerk.**

**You gotta fight,  
for your right,  
to party!**

A group of construction workers in the tower marched down the ramps. One hung his sledgehammer on the wall on the second floor.

**You pop caught you smoking and he says "No way"  
That hypocrite smokes two packs a day.  
Man, living at home is such a drag.  
Now, your mom threw away your best porno mag.  
(Bust it!)**

**You gotta fight,  
for your right,  
to party!**

"It's-a party time!" said Mario.

"Let's get 'em!" said Sonic.

**"Don't step out of this house if that's the clothes you're gonna wear"  
"I'll kick you out of my home if you don't cut that hair"  
You mom busted in and said "What's that noise"  
Aw, mom, you're just jealous. It's the Beastie Boys!**

**You gotta fight,  
for your right,  
to party!**

**You gotta fight,  
for your right,  
to party!**

**Party!**

-"Fight For Your Right (To Party)" by the Beastie Boys


	13. Fight For Your Right

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Chapter Thirteen: Fight For Your Right

A helicopter flew over the Vermont countryside. On board were Mr. X, Big Schwag, Frankie, and LL Cool J.

"Why are we going to the fortress?" asked Frankie.

"Because there's a battle brewing and I want to get my informant out safely." said Mr. X.

"And I'm coming along to offer some kind of support for the racers." said Cool J.

"And we're going along to provide color commentary." said Schwag.

"I see your points." said Frankie.

XXXXXXXXXX

George ran outside with Stanley and Marcus. The Cannonballers started pouring into the fortress and jumping out of their cars.

"Alright, guys." said Mike Nelson. "It's time for action. Or should I say 'Snaction'?"

Jesse and Chester clibmed out of the Stadt. Rex squeezed out of the back with a Rubik's Cube. "Hey, guys." he said. "I found this in the back. Know anything about it?"

"No." said Chester. "This looks familiar though."

Tommy and Max jumped out of the Veloci with a full arsenal on their persons. "Welcome to the land of freedom, bitches!" yelled Tommy.

"I see you like Jack Howitzer movies." said Max.

"Hidey-ho, it's Weasel Stomping Day!" cheered George.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Modo Prego raced into the compound alongside an old Cadillac hearse that had been converted into a patrol vehicle for hunting ghosts. The Ghostbusters simply called it the Ecto-1.

The Ghostbusters, along with Slimer, climbed out of the two vehicles. Egon dropped a ghost trap and said "Time to earn your keep!" He then stepped on the release switch and five freakish looking ghosts popped out.

"Good God, I hope I don't end up looking like that." said John.

"Okay, guys!" said Ray. "This is it. This is the moment you've been preparing for. A very nasty man is using these troops to bring about the demise of the Cannonballers. It's up to you to help us tell him to put a sock in it. Are you ready to rumble?"

"Yeah!" yelled the ghosts.

"Alright! Let's look alive out there!" said Louis. "Uh, so to speak, that is."

"Go!" squealed Slimer as he led the ghost army into action.

Peter turned around to look at the ghosts' charge and was shocked to see Slimer heading right towards him. "Slimer, no!" he yelled.

No luck. Slimer smacked into him, covering him in ectoplasmic slime.

"Ah, he got me again!" he yelled.

XXXXXXXXXX

The helicopter flew over the fortress and the passengers got their first look at the brawl taking place.

"I hope you guys brought your A-game." said Cool J. "Because it looks like an all-timer out there."

"Okay, Cannonball fans. The Big Schwag here to report on the fight at Jimmy DeMarco's fortress."

"And I am Frankie Whiteside also here to comment on the fight going on. The Cannonballers seem to be really getting into this battle."

"Right you are, Frankie." said Schwag. "I think we can count on one hell of a match up right now."

"I'll say." said Frankie. "I seriously doubt anyone's going to escape injury in this one."

XXXXXXXXXX

Outside the perimeter, Buckaroo waited in the SLF450X with Perfect Tommy, Sydney, and Chloe.

"Are you guys ready?" asked Buckaroo.

"I am." said Chloe.

"Same here." said Sydney.

"Let's do it." said Perfect Tommy.

"Just making sure." said Buckaroo. He fired up the vehicle's jet engines and got the vehicle rolling.

He managed to get the vehicle up to fifty miles per hour before engaging the Hyperthruster which sent it up to almost two hundred within seconds. After five seconds, he switched on the Ecto Booster which sent the vehicle to four hundred. The SLF450X was almost upon the rock wall when Buckaroo activated the Overthruster. Three laser beams shone from the front of the car and focused on the wall.

Chloe took a deep breath. Perfect Tommy closed his eyes. Sydney gritted his teeth.

The SLF450X impacted the rock wall and passed right through it. Perfect Tommy opened his eyes and said "Whoa."

He saw a dark void filled with lightning arcs all over the place. Humanoid figures drifted around and tumbled past the vehicle. A small orb passed by their windows.

Within seconds of entering the Eighth Dimension, the SLF450X exited into the basement of DeMarco's fortress. Buckaroo immediately got on the brakes and managed to stop within the basement. The doors opened and the crew climbed out.

"So, how was your first ride through the Eighth Dimension?" asked Sydney.

"Everything else pales by comparison now." said Chloe.

"Chloe, is this the computer you're looking for?" asked Buckaroo.

"Yeah, that looks like it will work." said Chloe.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nash gathered together with several other invaders.

"Alright, here's how it goes." he said. "Joe, Danny, Walker and I will go in the front door with Mike Nelson's and Sam Malone's teams. While we're getting DeMarco's attention with a frontal assault, Ethan and Snake, the MIBs, the Muppets and those worm guys will sneak in through the ventilation system. Ready? Go!"

Snake ripped a grate off of the ventilation duct and crawled in first. Ethan was right behind him, followed by the Muppets, MIBs, and worms.

Everett watched from one of the guard towers through a pair of binoculars. "A little bit of subterranean subterfuge, huh?" he said. "We'll see if you can continue your little insertion."

XXXXXXXXXX

"What's first on our agenda?" asked Sonic.

"First, we gotta take out those guard towers." said Knuckles.

"I'll take out that one." said Tails as he started spinning his tails like a helicopter rotor blade and took off.

"I got this one." said Knuckles as he punched the tower next to him, then started climbing it.

"Which one are you taking, Sonic?" asked Tails.

"That one." said Sonic as he pointed to another tower near the north wall.

"How are you going to get up there?" asked Knuckles.

"Watch me." said Sonic. He wound up his legs and took off running.

He ran towards the wall, then ran onto the side of it. When the wall turned, he continued onto the new angle. As he ran along the wall, he ran closer to the top.

He reached the back wall and ran onto that as well.

He then ran onto the north wall and finally reached the top. He jumped from the wall to the tower. The guard wasn't able to stop him in time and was knocked out.

Knuckles and Tails also managed to subdue their opponents. "What took you so long?" asked Sonic.

XXXXXXXXXX

Yuri's army rolled up to face the junkyard army.

"Well, Mr. James." said Yuri. "You seem to have made an imposing little fighting force. But does it stand up to a powerful army like mine?"

"We'll just see." said Jesse. "Go for it, other Jesse."

Dominic's Jesse drove the Fireball into battle. Yuri sent one of his Gatling Tanks to meet it.

"Let's see what he can do first." said Yuri.

"Understood, sir." said the Gatling Tank's driver.

"Alright, we get to draw first blood." said Jesse. "Dex, let him have it."

Dex pulled the trigger on the roof-mounted flamethrower. It spit out a big ball of flame which quickly dissipated. The flamethrower then let out a small flame.

"Uh oh." said Dex.

Yuri's army laughed while Dominic and Memphis bowed their heads in disgust.

"Make them suffer." said Yuri.

"Guys, get this thing working." said Jesse. "They're going to kill us!"

Dex pounded on the side of the flamethrower. Wildcat jumped into the backseat to check the thing on their end. Jesse tried the activation switch again, then looked up. The Gatling Tank's barrels were slowly aiming right at him.

"I don't want to see this." said Dominic.

"Hurry! Hurry!" yelled Jesse.

"Come on!" yelled Dex.

"I'm trying!" yelled Wildcat. "Oh, here's the problem." He picked up a section of hose tied in a granny knot. "There's a kink in the hose."

He untangled the fuel line and the flamethrower shot a gout of flame at the tank. The tank's crew quickly abandoned it, stunning Yuri.

"Whoa!" yelled Dex.

"Ho oh! Ho oh!" laughed Jesse.

"Forward!" yelled Memphis.

"Time to act." said Yuri. He put his fingers to his head and started to meditate.

In the Shag, Splinter was also meditating. "I sense our adversary is attempting to use his powers of mind control." he said. "He is a very powerful opponent and I am not sure if I can defeat him."

"You can do it, master." said Leonardo. "The four of us have managed to keep his forces at bay this far and you're the one who trained us."

"Come on, master." said Raphael. "Give him a big, old mental sucker punch for us."

"I never said I wouldn't try." said Splinter.

"No problemo, Master Splinter." said Michaelangelo. "I'll concentrate on the driving while you concentrate on the minding."

In the Floating Disk...

"Is something wrong, sir?" asked an Initiate.

"There appears to be something preventing me from controlling the Cannonballers." said Yuri. "Oh well, he'll fall to my intellect soon."

XXXXXXXXXX

George and Stanley greeted Kuni as he entered. Marcus, Regis, Chun Li, Blanka, Rex, MacGyver, James Bond, Jaws, Jarod, and Johnny Five were with him.

"What are you guys doing here?" asked George.

"We're saving your collective hide." said Marcus.

"We're seeking to create as much chaos as we can to distract DeMarco's troops away from the main force." said MacGyver.

"Shall we?" asked James.

"I've got a mission of my own." said Stanley.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the dungeon...

"Sounds like something's going on out there." said Richard.

"Great, and we're stuck in here." said Larry.

The door opened and the guard went to check it out. A second later, there was a sound of cast iron on skull and the guard went tumbling down the stairs unconcious.

"Heh heh." laughed Beavis.

"Huh huh." laughed Butthead.

The Iron Chefs stepped down the stairs with Kaga right behind them. Chen was holding a skillet with a small dent in it.

"(You were right, Kobe.)" said Chen. "(They are here.)"

"(Good, let's set them free.)" said Kobe.

"Arigato, guys." said Larry as Chen started to unlock his chains.

"Nice work." said Richard as Kobe started to unlock him.

"We'll have you out of here in a few seconds." said Kaga.

"Let us take care of Bernie." said Richard.

"Yeah, he's our boss." said Larry.

"(I can't belive you knocked him out with your skillet.)" said Kobe. "(You should have more respect for the tools of your trade.)"

"(Who are you? Morimoto?)" asked Chen.

"Let's go, Beavis." said Butthead.

"Um, okay." said Beavis.

They ran out of the dungeon, but took a wrong turn into the drug lab while Ethan and Snake snuck into the air vent nearby.

"Cool, they've got a chemistry lab." said Butthead.

"Let's set something on...um...um...never mind." said Beavis.

Larry ran to the door. "Come on, you guys!" he said. "We have to get out of here!"

"I'm there." said Butthead.

"I'll take this guy's M&Ms. Heh heh." said Beavis. He grabbed the caffeine pills and swallowed them. He stood still for a few seconds, hyperventilating. Then, he started looking about rapidly and pulled up his t-shirt to frame his face.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Wow, this is a battle royale of epic proportions!" said Frankie.

"Yeah, but not for Malcolm and his brothers." said Schwag.

One of DeMarco's construction workers had tackled Francis to the ground and was pounding on him while another had grabbed Malcolm and was throwing him into the window of the Fripon X. Reese was sitting in the front passenger seat reading a comic book.

"Reese!" yelled Malcolm. "Help us! Help us!"

"Not now." said Reese. "I'm in the middle of this thing."

The construction worker pulled Malcolm away from the window, then threw him into it again. This shook the whole car and caused a can of soda to spill onto Reese's comic book.

"Hey!" he yelled. "Okay, that's it."

The worker then threw Malcolm against the wall. While he was holding him there, a hand with an extended index finger approached his head. Suddenly, the finger was stuck in the worker's ear and started wriggling around. He dropped Malcolm and turned to face his attacker. It was Reese.

Malcolm turned to the camera and said "Oh man. Reese is going ballistic."

Reese grabbed the man's fist and tried twisting it. The man started to wrestle it away from him and eventually angled it upwards. Reese then released the fist and sent it flying towards the man's own face. The man knocked himself onto the ground.

Reese then went to the worker who had Francis on the ground and gave him a wedgie. He then pulled him off his brother and rammed him head first into the wall.

Reese then pulled Francis back to his feet and said "Now, let's get those guys."

XXXXXXXXXX

Nash and his crew burst into the main lobby of the main building.

"Okay, guys." said Nash. "We're after a very nasty individual here. Better take caution."

The Cheers and Satellite of Love teams followed them. "Alright, let's get these guys!" said Sam.

"Hikeba!" said Mike.

Several guards made their way to the lobby to intercept them.

"Interception!" yelled Danny as he pounced on one of the guards.

"Guard against this!" said Joel Robinson. He swung his Candy Chuks at the next guard. Unfortunately, they broke against his head.

Mike started spinning his grappling hook, then threw it. The licorice rope broke in mid-flight.

"I guess martial arts weapons made from candy aren't all that practical." said Joel.

Mike noticed Crow fighting next to him. "Can I borrow this? Thanks!" said Mike as he pulled off Crow's arm.

"Hey!" yelled Crow.

Mike used Crow's arm like a nunchaku.

Norm sat in a recliner in the middle of the chaos and enjoyed a beer.

Walker engaged one of the guards. He managed to block two punches before returning one of his own. Another guard tried to jump him from behind and received a kick in the stomach for his efforts.

Sam dodged a punch and brushed against DeMarco's sphere sculpture. He knocked one of the spheres off.

Sam picked up the sphere and said "Looks like I'm going to have to walk a few of these guys."

He took a pitching stance and threw the sphere at a guard who was fighting with Joe. The guard was knocked down.

"Thanks, man." said Joe.

Sam threw another sphere and knocked down a guard who was fighting with Woody.

"Nice one, Sammy!" said Woody.

Sam threw another. This one knocked off Tom's dome.

"Dammit, Sammy!" yelled Tom.

"Sorry." said Sam.

Nash ran into the fray and decked one of the guards with a punch to the nose. He then shook off the resulting injury.

"Okay, let's go!" he yelled.

The group ran to the hallway leading to the stairs. Cliff was the first to reach it and quickly ran away from it.

"There's some guy in there standing guard." he said. "Watch yourself. He had on a uniform. Real ugly sucker, too."

"I got him." said Sam.

He gripped another sphere and snuck over to the hallway. He then quickly turned into it and threw the sphere. He quickly heard glass breaking.

Sam walked over to Cliff and said "Cliffy, that was a mirror."

Joe looked Cliff up and down. "You're right." he said. "He is an ugly sucker."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, I've hacked into DeMarco's computer." said Chloe. "Right now, he's having a few problems due to my handiwork."

"Can you find the cutoffs for the doomsday device?" asked Buckaroo.

"I'm working on it." said Chloe. "Although, DeMarco's having a little more trouble stopping us since I've uploaded something into his computer."

"A virus?" asked Buckaroo.

"No, something better." said Chloe, giving a rare smile.

In the operations center for his security system, DeMarco walked in with Joe and Max. "What's going on?" he asked.

"The guards are not responding to the threat." said the security chief. "They appear to be violently ill or something."

He showed them a camera shot from the cafeteria. Most of the guards were laying around looking very nauseous. One was hunched over vomiting.

"Reminds me of the last heavy metal concert I went to." said Max.

"And that's not all." said the chief.

"Someone's in the computer system." said the computer tech. "I can't activate anything, even the self-destruct system."

"That might be going too far right now." said DeMarco. "Can't you at least shut some of the gates?"

"No, when I try, this happens." said the tech. He then hit a few buttons and on his monitor appeared the kid who was acting out the lightsaber duel from "Star Wars".

"This kid's got moves." said Joe.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Knight raced through the battlezone, dodging explosive rounds. "Looks like these guys are trying to send us to meet our makers." said Michael.

"Michael, what are you talking about?" asked KITT. "I'm very well acquainted with Bonnie. I met her years ago."

"Uh, a figure of speech." said Michael.

B.A. stayed with him in the Mercenary. "We got some more of those guys coming up!" he said.

"Yeah!" said Murdock. "You want war? I take you to war!"

DeVille steered the Pumpkin towards a Chaos Drone with Ben backing him up.

"I think we got this one all set!" said DeVille.

"Let's go for it." said Ben.

The two vehicles engaged the Chaos Drone and unleashed their weapons upon it. However, neither of them saw the Lasher tank before it joined the fight.

"Whoa, retreat!" said Ben.

He started to drive away, but the Pumpkin was disabled before it could do so.

"This is a bit of a problem, isn't it?" said the Sphinx.

"Lifter, on!"

A series of yellow energy rings surrounded the Lasher and lifted it into the air. It was then carried until it was above the Chaos Drone, then dropped. Both vehicles were heavily damaged.

The Rattail pulled alongside the disabled Pumpkin and Matt asked "Are you alright?"

"We are, thanks to you." said DeVille.

B.A. pulled alongside. "Hop in, guys." he said.

DeVille and the Sphinx jumped into the Mercenary and they continued the fight.

XXXXXXXXXX

George and his group made it to the second floor. In the hall, they encountered a large number of guards.

"Random encounter." said Regis. "Time to build experience points."

The Cannonballers sprung into action. Jarod dove over the closest table and slid into one of the guards. The guard then picked up a shelf and swung it at Jarod. It was blocked.

"Boards do not hit back." said Jarod. He then grabbed the board and shoved it into the guard's forehead. "Except for now." said Jarod.

Blanka jumped towards another guard and threw his feet into his chest. He followed with an overhead strike and a head butt.

"Yeah, go get him, beastie boy!" cheered Marcus.

"Tear him apart!" cheered Regis.

"Bury him deep!" cheered Marcus.

"Finish him!" cheered Regis.

Blanka then jumped on the guy and started biting him on the forehead.

"Whoa, what are you doing?" yelled Marcus.

"He's biting the guy!" yelled Regis.

"That's barbaric!" yelled Marcus.

"Where are your morals?" yelled Regis.

Another guard wrestled George onto the table.

"Hey, loser!" said Kuni.

The guard looked up at him to see him standing in front of a large window taking a defensive stance. Kuni made a daring gesture. The guard charged him. At the last second, Kuni stepped aside and let the guard run through the window. He fell into the trees below.

Kuni stepped up to the window and yelled "Stupid!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Tanya unleashed some fighting moves on one of the workers. He was quickly rendered unconcious.

"Nice work, lady." said Peter.

"Lady?" asked Tanya. "Are you talking to me?"

"This is not good." said Egon as he walked through while checking his PKE Meter.

"What's up?" asked Winston.

"Several of the ghosts in our army just took off south." said Egon.

"Ah great." said Louis.

"Just one remains." said Egon. "Not surprising considering who it is."

In the guard tower, Everett continued to watch the action through his binoculars.

"Ooh, check out that nice babe." he said. "She can take me down anytime."

Behind him, Slimer came up through the floor and found Everett's lunch. He floated over and helped himself to a sandwich.

"Ooh! You did that on purpose! Naughty, naughty!" said Everett.

Slimer continued to eat Everett's sandwich. That's when Everett turned around and saw him.

"Hey!" yelled Everett. "Put that down, you little subversive!"

Slimer looked up at him and quickly left the tower.

XXXXXXXXXX

Richard and Larry carried Bernie out of the dungeon and got their first look at the massive fight taking place.

"Holy crap." said Richard.

"Now, this is a..." said Larry before he was tackled by one of DeMarco's guards. He jumped back up and started punching the guard.

A second guard tried to attack Richard. Richard threw a kick at the guy while trying to keep Bernie on his feet.

Larry forced his guard up against the wall and punched him in the stomach. The guard crumpled to the ground.

Richard's guard dodged his next kick and took him down with a right cross. Somehow, Richard threw Bernie into a spin which caused Bernie's left arm to swing up and strike the guard in the back of the head. The guard was knocked unconcious.

Richard got back up and Larry helped him pick Bernie back up. "Bernie fights well for a dead guy." said Richard.

XXXXXXXXXX

Solid Snake and Ethan snuck through the ceiling of the fortress. They came upon a room beneath them which Snake scanned with his thermal goggles.

"Anyone there?" asked Ethan.

"One guard." said Snake. "However, he's preoccupied with the coffee machine. I've got him."

The guard selected his coffee as Snake lowered himself behind him quietly. Snake touched the floor as the guard picked up his coffee.

The guard looked at his cup which had a card game on it. "Four of a kind." he said. "Johnny Sasaki, today's your lucky day."

He turned around and came face-to-face with Snake. Snake immediately punched him out.

Ethan dropped down. "That was fast." he said.

"Kept you waiting, huh?" said Snake.

XXXXXXXXXX

Team Rocket made their way into a storeroom. There, they encountered Darden, Korpi, and Johnny.

"Well, if it isn't Team Firecracker." said Korpi.

"That's Team Rocket." said Jessie. "And for the record, you're history."

"Yeah?" said Darden. "How are you going to take us?"

"With this!" said Annie. She took out her Pokeball and tossed it. Charizard popped out.

Charizard blew fire at Darden and Korpi. Korpi just grabbed a fire extinguisher and fired it at Charizard full blast. The little dragon staggered away coughing.

"Well then, try this!" said Oakley as she threw her Pokeball. Magnezone popped out and projected a magnetic beam. Darden just tossed a metal pot at it and watched as the magnetic beam pulled it right into Magnezone's head.

"As I see, I have to do everything around here." said Jessie. She threw her Pokeball and Gengar popped out.

Gengar moved towards Johnny. Johnny picked up a flashlight and shone it on Gengar. The ghostly Pokemon moved back to Jessie and knocked her down.

"Nice to see Team Rocket's working at its usual aptitude." said Johnny.

"We're going to be working even higher now." said James. He took out his Pokeball and tossed it. He was quite surprised when Metapod popped out. "What? That was supposed to be Butterfree!" he said.

Korpi picked up Jessie and dragged her to the doorway. "You finish them off." said Darden.

"No problem." said Johnny.

James picked up the Metapod and watched Johnny come towards them.

"Some help you were!" he said, then tossed Metapod over his shoulder. It hit a large pipe and knocked it over.

The pipe fell onto a board which was resting on top of a piece of wood and catapulted a coconut into the air. The coconut deflected off of a wall light and hit a shelving unit, knocking it over.

"Oh shit." said Johnny as the shelving unit fell over on top of him. "Ah, that hurt!" he yelled.

"What just happened?" asked Annie.

"I think we just did something right." said Oakley.

"I'm scared." said Meowth.

XXXXXXXXXX

Dylan, Alex, and Natalie performed some martial arts maneuvers on several workers.

"Wow, looks like those workers are getting some divine retribution from the Angels." said Frankie.

"I like your choice of words, Frankie." said Schwag. "Couldn't have said it better myself."

Wayne threw himself into the battle and fought back against the workers. Garth made his attempt as well, but failed to hold his own against his opponents.

"Okay, I see how this goes." said Garth. He walked back to the car and pulled something out of the backseat. It turned out to be a belt with a stungun built in.

"Hey, you guys!" he yelled.

Another worker ran up to him and tried to grab him, but was shot back by the electrical jolt from the belt.

"Oh!" said Schwag. "Now, that was a SHOCKing development!"

"Yeah, Garth is leading a reVOLT against bad guys!" said Frankie.

"That worker really got a CHARGE out of that!" said Schwag.

"After that, he'll have to CONDUCT a cleanup!" said Frankie.

"I think I saw a few SPARKS of discontent in that!" said Schwag.

"It now seems that Garth's opponent is GROUNDED!" said Frankie.

"Okay, that oughta do it." said Schwag.

XXXXXXXXXX

Buckaroo, Perfect Tommy, and Sydney snuck through the halls.

"They're called sticky shockers." explained Perfect Tommy. "They emit a low level electical charge that stuns a human target."

"And why are we carrying them?" asked Sydney.

"Because we promised Brock no fatalities if we could help it." said Buckaroo.

They came to an intersection of halls and found a pair of guards approaching from either side. Buckaroo quickly fired a sticky shocker at the first. He fell like a rock.

A guard coming the other way ran into action. Perfect Tommy dropped him with a shocker.

The other guard coming from the first hall took aim. Sydney spun his gun in his hand and tagged him with a shocker.

The last guard started to move into action. He suddenly smiled and collapsed before Buckaroo and his teammates could do anything. When he fell, he revealed a dark-haired man behind him with a gun aimed at his back.

The man dropped his gun and asked "Are you Buckaroo Banzai?"

"I take it you're Chloe's friend." said Buckaroo.

"Tony Almeida." said the man. "Let's keep going."

"Right." said Buckaroo.

They marched down the hall.

"I was working on an undercover case when I was told about the kidnap." said Tony. "Luckily, I was able to get myself transferred to the fortress to aid in the rescue."

"So, what are you using to take these guys out non-lethally?" asked Sydney.

"Tranquilizer darts." said Tony. "And you guys?"

"Sticky shockers." said Perfect Tommy.

The men came upon a door and aimed their guns at it. "One...two...three." said Buckaroo just before he kicked it in.

Everybody looked into the doorway surprised. Beavis walked through mumbling incoherantly. He stopped, looked at Tony, and asked "What? Are you threatening me?"

XXXXXXXXXX

The Rigg and the Omega chased down another of Yuri's Gatling Tanks.

"Not bad driving for psychics!" yelled Spike.

"Oy, but look up ahead!" yelled Jetto.

The Gatling Tank crashed into an overturned Magnetron and flipped over.

Yuri watched the destruction from his Floating Disk.

"Sir, our guys are getting toasted out there." said his second-in-command. "What should we do?"

"Prepare the laser cannon." said Yuri.

"The laser cannon?" asked the second-in-command. "Well, if you say so."

The various troops on board the Floating Disk prepared the laser cannon for firing.

"Any choices for a first target?" asked the gunner.

"You choose." said Yuri.

"Ready to fire, sir." said the gunner.

He aimed for the Brahma and reached for the fire button. Suddenly, the control panel shorted out and started casting off sparks.

"What the..." said the gunner.

Just then, Sky Captain flew past him and laughed.

"Alright!" yelled Dex as he threw his fist into the air.

"Where have you been?" asked Dominic into his radio.

"Had a little engine trouble in Antarctica." said Sky Captain. "I finally managed to get it fixed and I'm back in action. Does that thing have anti-air capabilities?"

"Doubt it." said Memphis.

"Then, we have a fighting chance." said Sky Captain.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the middle of the chaos, Linda, Mia, Nichole, and Kim saw what was happening and got together. That's when Jesse and Chester saw them.

"Well, look who's back." said Jesse.

"I see you haven't abandoned your crew either." said Kim.

"Wait, what's that?" asked Nichole as she pointed to the Rubik's Cube.

"It's the Continuum Transfunctioner." said Linda.

"Oh, that's where I know this from." said Chester.

"Let's show them what a big girl can do." said Mia.

"Oh, they're going to combine and form Voltron!" said Jesse.

"Wait, we can't combine without Mitzi!" said Linda.

"Haha!" yelled Chester. "She's got the keys to the transformation and she won't help you!"

Mitzi walked over and said "You're damn right I'm not helping you. You think I'm happy with the fact that I got fired?"

"We'll fight you and your friends." said Kim.

Suddenly, Nichole heard a loud engine roar. She looked over and saw Christine.

"No." she said. "Not again. You almost killed me last time. Stay away."

Christine approached her.

"Stay back." said Nichole. "Stay away!"

She quickly ran for "The Pit". Max and Tommy watched them.

"Wasn't that the car that's been attacking everyone?" asked Max.

"Looks like it to me." said Tommy. "Let's take it down."

He deactivated the Veloci's cloaking device and they climbed out of the car.

Nichole ran into "The Pit". Inside was a massive factory-like facility.

As Nichole ran up a ramp, Christine plowed through the doors and tried to follow her. Max and Tommy were right behind them.

"What is this place?" asked Tommy.

"It's a metal recycling plant." said Max.

"Why does DeMarco have one?" asked Tommy.

"So he can torture his victims." said Max.

XXXXXXXXXX

In his tower, Everett unwrapped several Twinkies and set them on the floor.

"Come out, come out." he said. "Everybody knows ectoplasmic freaks of nature love processed pastry."

Just then, an alarm went off in the tower. Everett ran to the side and looked down. Tanya and Joanna were duking it out with several workers.

"Looks like I have to get my next piece of equipment ready." said Everett as he turned to his equipment bag.

He saw Slimer eating a hero sandwich that was in his bag. Slimer looked up at him and dropped the sandwich.

"Hey, get back here!" yelled Everett.

Slimer floated away. Everett reached into the bag and pulled out a tear gas canister.

"Where are you, you little subversive?" yelled Everett. He pulled out the pin and looked around.

Slimer suddenly popped up through the floor. Everett jumped back and tripped over his bag, dropping the canister. It started spraying orange mist all over.

Everett started to scream. "I knew it was a mistake to fill that canister with pepper spray!" he yelled.

Slimer just floated over and took the sandwich.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Tanner's room, he looked out the window at the fight taking place. Then, he heard voices.

"According to Chloe, the room granting roof access is right here." said Super Dave.

"Okay, let's go in and..." said Michael Bluth as he entered with Super Dave, Fuji, and Gob.

"Told you the room was occupied." said Fuji.

"What do you want?" asked Tanner.

"We're just trying to prevent this fortress from blowing up and taking you with it." said Michael.

"Well, DeMarco's plans are to blow up this fortress and take me with it," said Tanner "and I can't allow you to meddle with those plans."

"Yeah, well, I got something to say about that." said Gob. "Huzzah!" he called as he quickly whipped his hand in an arc and threw a fireball.

Tanner jumped back when the fireball was thrown and tripped over a chair. As he fell, he grabbed at his poster and ripped off the corner, taking the "Beer" and "Cule" with it. He then hit his head on the floor.

"Oh no, you killed him." said Super Dave.

Fuji walked over and checked Tanner out. "No, he's just unconcious." he said.

"That's a relief." said Michael. "Let's keep moving."

"Just a second, Mikey." said Gob. He reached into his pocket and took out a pill. He then popped it into Tanner's mouth.

"Gob, you brought your forget-me-nows?" yelled Michael.

"Those look illegal!" said Super Dave.

"But they're necessary." said Gob. "This way, he won't remember someone was here."

"Good thinking, Gob." said Michael. "He probably won't notice the massive FIGHT taking place outside."

During their discussion, Fuji had gone to the window. "Guys, the access ladder to the roof is right outside this window." he said. "It goes up a few more floors."

"What about down?" asked Super Dave.

Fuji looked down and said "Ooh."

"Gravity? Explosion?" asked Super Dave as he weighed his options. "I'll take my chances with the ladder."

XXXXXXXXXX

In the lounge, Paul and Feliz continued their poker game.

"Think we should go out there and help them?" asked Paul.

"Know what?" asked Feliz. "Let's not." He then threw down his cards and said "Flush!"

"Full house." said Paul as he laid his out. They then looked at each other in confusion. "Does a flush beat a full house?" asked Paul.

Just then, Buffy, Xander, Willow, Mario, and Luigi burst in.

"In our business, a flush always beats a full house." said Mario.

"What are these guys doing here?" asked Feliz.

"I don't know, but they're leaving." said a guard who then rushed the Cannonballers.

Buffy intercepted the guard and sent him stumbling into the jukebox. The jukebox sprung to life. Paul and Feliz got up and joined the guards.

**I was angry when I met you.  
I think I'm angry still.  
We can try to talk it over.  
If you say you'll help me out.**

One of the guards rushed Mario. Mario responded by jumping on a table and kicking it towards the guard.

**Don't worry, baby.  
(Don't worry, baby)  
No need to fight.**

**Don't worry, baby.  
(Don't worry, baby)  
It'll be alright.**

Xander and Willow were surrounded by two other guards. One attacked Xander and got an elbow in his jaw. Xander then grabbed him, yelled "Duck!", and threw him into the other guard as Willow ducked.

**This is the noise that keeps me awake.  
My head explodes and my body aches.**

Luigi took on Paul next. He picked up a chair and drop-kicked it towards him, knocking him down.

**Push it!  
Make the beats go harder.  
Push it!  
Make the beats go harder.**

Buffy was set upon by three more guards. She took down one with a spin kick, the second with a backhand to the face, and the third with a punch to the solar plexus.

**I'm sorry that I hurt you.  
Please don't ask me why.  
I want to see you happy.  
I want to see you shine.**

Two more guards ran towards Mario. He jumped up and landed on their heads.

**Don't worry, baby.  
(Don't worry, baby)  
Don't be uptight.**

**Don't worry, baby.  
(Don't worry, baby)  
We'll stay up all night.**

Xander punched out three more guards before Willow cheered him on. He took a victory pose only to be tackled by three more guards.

**This is the noise that keeps me awake.  
My head explodes and my body aches.**

Luigi jumped up onto a chair and watched another guard approach him. He then picked up the chair and threw it at the guard.

**Push it!  
Make the beats go harder.  
Push it!  
Make the beats go harder.**

Buffy struck one of the guards who tackled Xander in the chest, then rolled over his back to deliver a pair of kicks to his partner.

**Come on, push it, you can do it.  
Come on, prove it, nothing to it.  
Come on, use it, let's get through it.  
Come on, push it, you can do it.**

Mario joined in and successfully knocked out the third guard by jumping on his head.

**Don't worry, baby.  
(Don't worry, baby)  
Don't be uptight.**

**Don't worry, baby.  
(Don't worry, baby)  
We'll stay up all night.**

"Is that all of them?" asked Buffy.

"I don't think so." said Luigi.

**This is the noise that keeps me awake.  
My head explodes and my body aches.**

Feliz then jumped up onto the table while holding a pool cue and screamed.

**Push it!  
Make the beats go harder.  
Push it!  
Make the beats go harder.**

He jumped into action and swung his pool cue like a quarter staff. Buffy and Mario dodged him.

**Don't worry, baby.  
We'll be alright.  
Don't worry, baby.  
We'll be alright.**

Feliz swung the cue at Mario and Buffy struck and broke it. Feliz just dropped it afterwards.

**Push it!  
Push it!  
Push it!  
Push it!  
Push it!**

-"Push It" by Garbage.

Willow raised her hands and said "Si elom eht ohw uoy gnillet ton m'i!" A fireball was shot from them and knocked Feliz across the room.

"Good one, Will!" said Xander. They high-fived, then Willow high-fived Buffy.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nichole ran through "The Pit" with Christine right behind her. She tried climbing a ladder. Christine rammed the ladder and she fell off and landed on the hood.

"Look, it's over." said Nichole. "Find someone else to form an unholy bond with."

Suddenly, a shot rang out and Christine's rear window shattered. Tommy lowered his sniper rifle and said "Want to release the girl, or do I have to get rough?"

Christine quickly backed up and turned to face the two of them. Nichole used the distraction to make her getaway.

"Ever take out one of these before?" asked Tommy as he took out an M4.

"First time for everything." said Max as he brandished his dual Ingrams.

Christine charged at them. Tommy started firing on her while running out of her way. Max dove out of the way while doing his bullet-time trick.

Christine did a spinout, then raced towards Tommy. He jumped onto the hood, then jumped onto the platform.

Max took aim with his Ingrams and let the bullets fly into Christine's fender.

Christine then did a quick turn and raced towards Tommy again. He jumped onto her hood again, but she crashed into a wall before he could jump off. He was thrown into it and landed on the hood again. She backed up and crashed into the wall again. Once again, Tommy was thrown into it.

Christine backed up again and Tommy was thrown to the floor. She then drove off in search of Nichole.

Max ran over to Tommy who was trying to get back on his feet.

"Are you alright?" asked Max.

"There isn't an inch of my body that doesn't hurt right now." groaned Tommy.

"How do you keep from crying?" asked Max.

"I'll cry when I'm done killin'." said Tommy ominously. "Go, take out that four-wheeled disgrace to American iron."

Max ran off and climbed the ladder while Tommy struggled to stand.

XXXXXXXXXX

On the battlefield, Hsu steered the Pinata around several of Yuri's troops. Chan aimed the vehicle's guns at the Magnetron following them.

"Can you try to avoid getting us hit?" asked Chan.

"Watch how I rock." said Hsu.

He swerved around several shots, then pulled a spinout. He and Chan fired their weapons at the Magnetron and disabled it.

"Yeah! Car power!" cheered Chan.

"Hey, that's not bad!" said Hsu. "Maybe we can use it in our game."

"I think we've got our catchphrase." said Chan.

Artemis, Butler, and J.D. watched from the sidelines.

"Okay, folks." said Artemis. "In order to turn the tide of battle in our favor, we are going to need to take over one of those Lasher tanks."

"And how do we do that?" asked J.D.

"By cutting off their ventilation." said Artemis. "When they get out to repair it, we jump them."

"Sounds good." said Butler.

"Here comes a tank." said J.D.

A Lasher tank drove by and the three jumped onto it. Artemis jammed a rock into the ventilation port.

In the S.T.V, Bernard looked through a periscope at the tank. "It looks like Artemis and his team are trying to take over a tank." he said.

"Ooh!" said Max. "Think we should join up and maybe kick some soldier butt?"

"Can't think of a reason not to." said Sam.

He steered towards the tank. Meanwhile, the tank's crew had opened the hatches and started to climb out. Butler stood over one and ended up wrestling him out of the tank. Another crew member climbed out and tried to assist his teammate, only to be pounced on by Artemis.

"Stand your ground, guys." said J.D. as he put a third into a headlock.

The S.T.V. pulled alongside and another crew member climbed on top for an attack. He didn't realize that Max was waiting for him.

As the last tank crew member was attacked by Max, Butler managed to get another in a hold. Another walked over and said "Need help?" Butler pulled back for a punch and struck the man with his elbow, knocking him off the tank.

Bernard watched the fight between Max and another tank crew member through the periscope. Max chewed on the man's head and wrestled him into the periscope face-first.

Bernard turned to Sam and said "Yuri's soldiers fight like ground sloths."

While trying to wrestle free of Max, the tank crew member kicked the periscope and spun it around. Inside the S.T.V, the periscope spun around and the handle struck Bernard in the back of the head.

J.D. managed to knock another crew member off the tank. The one fighting with Butler managed to knock him away.

"Say your prayers." said the crew member. Suddenly, the one fighting with Max was knocked off the S.T.V. and landed on his teammate. They both fell off the tank.

"Thanks, little rabbity thing." said Artemis as he and his team climbed into the tank.

Max jumped back into the S.T.V. "Hey, Sam." he said. "When this battle's over, can I have that tank for a souvenier?"

"You crack me up, little buddy." said Sam.

Butler jumped into the tank's driver's seat. "Okay, we have a tank." he said. "What are we going to do with it?"

J.D. smirked and rolled his eyes.

(cue daydream)

J.D. raced around a parking lot in the tank. He guided it down a flight of stairs.

He did several doughnuts in a field. He ran over the janitor's van while the janitor watched in horror.

He then launched the tank off of a hill and grinned. He came to a turn and spun it.

(end daydream)

"I think the question is 'what AREN'T we going to do with it?'" he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

George's group made their way into the third floor hall. Another group of guards were waiting.

"What are they doing? Cloning these guys?" asked George.

Johnny Five took on the first guard by picking up a pole and swinging it at him. The guard tried to defend with a pole of his own. They both failed to inflict any damage. Johnny Five finally aimed his laser at the guard's belt and shot it. The guard's pants promptly fell down.

"That never gets old." said Johnny.

Another guard drew his taser and faced off with Jaws. He looked at his opponent, then fired the taser at himself.

"Crooks are getting wise to me." said Jaws.

A third guard took on Rex. Then, Rex took the guy's wrist and bent it back. He then shoved the guard into another guard knocking them both down.

"Yeah, that's Rex Kwon Do for you." said Rex. "A mighty fine way to work your abs and kick some butt."

While the other Cannonballers took out the other guards, George ran up to the last one and pucnhed him in the nose. The guard went down fast.

"Nice move, George." said Kuni.

Next to him, George jumped around in pain. "I forgot to put my thumb on the outside!" he groaned.

XXXXXXXXXX

The security chief and the computer tech continued their work on the system.

"Whoever this is in the system is persistant." said the tech.

"See if you can activate Doom 1." said the chief.

They stopped working when they heard a click behind them.

"Leave the room." said Ethan as he trained a gun on them.

"Now." growled Snake as he aimed a second gun at them.

Two security guards rushed them. Ethan elbowed one in the jaw. Snake shot the other one with a tranquilizer dart.

The guard still standing wrestled Ethan out of the security office and into the hallway. Animal then pounced on the guard who then ran away screaming. So was Animal.

"Let's get 'em!" yelled one of the worms. The worms ran into the office and fired their stun rays at the chief and tech.

The two men ended up crawling out of the office.

"That went smoothly." said Fozzie.

"Chloe, what do we have to do in here?" asked Ethan into his radio.

"Take out that control computer." said Chloe into her radio. "That should remove one system that can control the doomsday device."

"I hope I brought enough." said Snake as he started taking explosives out of his backpack.

Snake, J, and even Kermit started to place explosives on the computer. After Snake activated them, they left.

"Now, find a safe place to hide while the computer is eradicated." said Ethan.

The Cannonballers took shelter in the storage closet across the hall. Gonzo then walked into the hall and said "Hey, guys? I got lost. Did I miss anything?"

"Is that Gonzo?" asked Kermit.

"Guys, are you in here?" asked Gonzo as he walked into the office.

"Gonzo, don't go in there!" yelled Fozzie.

Suddenly, the explosives went off and blew Gonzo across the hall.

The Cannonballers left the closet and looked at Gonzo embedded in the wall.

"I think we got it." said Gonzo.

XXXXXXXXXX

DeMarco ran over to his panic room and feverishly pressed the buttons on the keypad to open the door. He didn't realize that John was watching.

"91251?" asked John. "What is that? Your birthday?"

The door, hidden behind a bookcase, opened. He ran through and closed it behind him. Stanley came running in after him.

"Where is he?" asked Stanley. "Where did he go?"

"I gotta do everything around here." said John. He slipped into the keypad and started working it. Seconds later, the bookcase popped open.

Stanley walked over to it and looked at the opening. He then walked in. Seconds later, Beavis walked into the hallway mumbling to himself.

Stanley snuck through the passageway into the panic room. DeMarco was hiding behind the open door and shut it behind him.

"Well, I see you've found my panic room." he said.

"Oh, that's what this is." said Stanley.

"Looking for this?" asked DeMarco as he held up the Chaos mask.

"Give it back!" said Stanley. "It was entrusted to me!"

"Not a chance." said DeMarco. "I am going to use this to defeat the Cannonballers. I'm going to succeed where Foyt and Luthor failed and finally put you all to shame."

Just then, Beavis kicked open the door and said "I am Cornholio!"

The door hit DeMarco in the back of the hand and sent the Chaos mask flying. Stanley saw that it was flying towards him and reached up to catch it. He caught it, grabbed it with his other hand and quickly pulled it on. He then held out his cape and called "Dah dah DAHHHH!"

"Where did that cape come from?" asked DeMarco.

Chaos made a move towards him. DeMarco ran for a secret escape hatch and snuck through it. Chaos followed.

XXXXXXXXXX

Michael, Super Dave, Gob, and Fuji reached the top of the ladder. They saw a group of guards around the switch for the doomsday device.

"I should've known this wouldn't be easy." said Super Dave.

"Cannonballers?" asked a guard. "What are they doing up here?"

"Get them!" said another guard.

Michael grappled with one of the guards. Gob jumped up onto the railing and hopped over him. He then pounced on another guard, but was carried away like a basket on someone's shoulders.

Super Dave got another guard in a headlock and started punching him in the scalp. Another guard had Fuji by the throat. Fuji was fighting back by punching the guy in the chest.

"Super! Help me!" yelled Fuji.

Super Dave knocked out the guard he was fighting with and ran over to help Fuji. "I'm on my way, Fuje!" he yelled. "Have no..."

He tried to tackle the guard, but Fuji knocked him away and Super Dave ended up jumping off the roof.

"...feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeear!" yelled Super Dave on the way to the ground.

"Sorry, Super!" yelled Fuji.

Gob managed to get free of the guard and wrestled him to the floor. "It's hard to believe there's so many people willing to be blown up by a doomsday device." he said.

"Did he say doomsday device?" asked the guard. He and his partners jumped up and ran for the ladder.

It took a few seconds for the happenings to register with Michael, Gob, and Fuji.

"That was a freebie." said Gob as he cracked his fingers.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ford steered around several of the other vehicles in the battlefield. "This is nuts." he said.

"Relax, you handle that like a pro." said Kid.

"And to think I don't like four-wheeled vehicles." said Ford.

"That's funny coming from a guy named Ford." said Kid.

They rammed into a Magnetron coming the other way. The tank started to drive towards them.

"Back it up." said Kid.

"Where's reverse?" asked Ford as he fiddled with the gearshift.

The engine of the Magnetron exploded and the crew abandoned the vehicle.

"Nice move." said Ford.

"Wasn't me." said Kid.

The Brahma drove by with the guys cheering triumphantly.

"Good one, guys!" said Kid.

"Yo, give that there psychic madman a dang ol' smack upside the head, man." said Boomhauer quickly.

Ford and Kid looked at each other confused.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Tanner's room, Stone Cold, Nemesis, and Rob Zombie entered.

"We're supposed to be backing up Super Dave and the Bluths?" asked Rob.

"Yeah, this is supposed to be the room granting roof access." said Stone Cold.

Just then, the three guards ran down the ladder and jumped through the window. They hurried past the scary trio and out the door.

"I guess they don't need backup after all." said Rob.

A shot rang out and hit the wall behind them. They looked to see Tanner had pulled a gun on them.

"Not another move." said Tanner.

"It's okay." said Stone Cold.

"Just stay right there and...what the hell happened to my poster?" said Tanner.

Stone Cold picked up a chair and threw it at Tanner. He knocked the gun out of his hand.

"Whoever thinks we should do a three-on-one tag team, let me have a 'Hell, yeah!'" said Stone Cold.

"Hell, yeah!" yelled Rob. Nemesis growled.

"Oh no." said Tanner.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I'm tuning into the network used by the crew trying to disarm the doomsday device." said Mr. X. "That way, we can find out how much work they've done so far."

"Okay, let's get co-ordinated here." said Chloe into her Bluetooth. "Are you guys ready to disable the doomsday device?"

"I'm all set." said Michael Bluth.

"Same here." said Buffy.

"Okay, let's knock this this out." said Chloe. "To do that, both levers have to be thrown at once."

"I've got it." said Michael.

"Got it." said Buffy.

"Throw them simultaneously on 'three'." said Chloe. "One...two...three!"

Michael and Buffy threw their levers. Chloe looked at her screen in shock.

"Oh, give me a break!" she yelled.

"That can't be good." said Michael.

"Someone must've reworked the programming!" said Chloe. "You didn't disarm it, you activated it!"

"You've gotta be kidding me!" said Buffy.

"Hey, that's my line!" snapped Big Schwag.

"We've got about five minutes to find the main computer to disable it." said Chloe.

"What do we do now?" asked Frankie.

"Hey, how far can this crate get in five minutes?" asked Cool J.

"Come on." said Chloe as she hacked into the security system. "Who's closest?" George and his group appeared on her monitor. "Thank God." she whispered. She picked up her radio and said "George, we've got an emergency."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Let me go!" yelled Jessie as Korpi and Darden dragged her into the unfinished tower.

"Hey, they're getting away!" yelled Luigi as he and Mario ran out of the lounge.

"I'm going in." said Mario.

Korpi and Darden made their way to the top and set Jessie down next to a stack of barrels.

"That plumber is coming after us." said Korpi.

"We ain't got any weapons!" said Darden.

"Use these!" said Korpi as he grabbed one of the barrels and threw it down the ramp.

"What's that sound?" asked Mario. "It sounds familiar."

The barrel dropped onto the ramp in front of him and started rolling towards him.

"Mama mia!" yelled Mario. He jumped over the barrel. It rolled into an oil drum and set it on fire. "Going old school on this." he said.

"He's still coming!" said Korpi.

"Yeesh, you have to be a gorilla to lift these things!" said Darden as he and Korpi threw another barrel at Mario.

Mario jumped over another barrel, then another. "I need something to protect myself with." he said. He spotted the sledgehammer on the wall and grabbed it.

Another barrel rolled towards Mario. He smashed it with the hammer.

"This isn't working!" said Korpi.

Mario made his way to the top and faced the two. "So, are you going to release the hostage or will I have to get rough?" he asked.

"Let's see you get rough against this!" said Darden. He picked up another barrel and tried to throw it, but couldn't balance and ended up dropping it on Korpi.

"Let's-a go." said Mario as he helped Jessie up.

"Whatever." said Jessie.

XXXXXXXXXX

George and his group ran into another room. "Hurry!" he said. "We have to find that doomsday device and disable it!"

"According to Chloe, it's this way!" yelled Marcus.

"I think I see it!" said Regis.

"Not so fast."

The group stopped to see Foyt behind them.

"It's time you lead-footed miscreants met your fate." she said.

"Isn't nuclear anhiliation a little extreme for moving violations?" asked MacGyver.

"At this point, I'll try anything to stop you." said Foyt. "You'll have to fight your way past me to disarm that bomb."

"Kuni?" asked Bond.

"I am sorry." said Kuni. "I have a strong moral code and I cannot attack a woman."

Everyone looked at him in dismay. Foyt smiled.

"But...she can." said Kuni as he held out his hand to Chun Li.

"Hi ya!" chirped Chun Li as she took a fighting stance and Foyt's smile faded.

"Let's go!" said George.

They ran for the door and Blanka rolled through it quickly.

"I'll watch your backs." said Rex.

MacGyver, Bond, and Jarod ran into the room. They looked at the equipment.

"Can you disable this?" asked Bond.

"I'd better, right?" replied MacGyver.

"Need help?" asked Jarod.

"Are you a computer expert?" asked MacGyver.

"I am today." said Jarod.

Bond quickly knocked off a panel with his elbow. "I found a timer." he said. "Unfortunately, we only have one minute left."

"Best get cracking." said MacGyver.

He and Jarod pulled off another pair of panels and started to fiddle with the cables inside.

Outside, Chun Li fought a somewhat one-sided battle against Foyt.

"Should we get in there?" asked Marcus.

"No way, man!" said a wide-eyed Regis. "No way!"

In the room...

"Put those two together." said MacGyver. "The current reroute should buy us some time."

"Got it." said Bond.

"You got it in hand?" asked MacGyver.

"All under control." said Jarod.

MacGyver looked at the setup. "Okay, we've got about thirty seconds left." he said. "We can disable the device if you, Mr. Bond, were to rapidly remove that yellow cable and move it to the third cable port from the floor."

"Got it." said Bond.

"Move quickly." said Jarod. "Removing that cable will speed up the timer."

"I hope you're right that plugging it in will stop it short." said Bond. He grabbed the cable, took a deep breath, and yanked it.

The timer started to count down more rapidly. Bond quickly plugged the cable into the cable port MacGyver indicated.

MacGyver and Jarod let out a collective sigh of relief. "Nice work, Mr. Bond." said Jarod.

"Let me guess." said Bond. "It stopped at one second."

"Not quite." said MacGyver as he motioned Bond over to him.

Bond looked at the timer. It had stopped at 0:07. "Oh, that's a nice number." he said.

Outside, Foyt went crashing to the floor. George and his group cheered.

"Ya ta!" cheered Chun Li.

"We disarmed the bomb." said MacGyver.

"Well, let's see what's going on with the rest of the crew." said George.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nichole continued to run through "The Pit". She finally came upon a raised platform with a large gap in the railing. She could hear machinery under her and walked over to the gap to investigate. She saw a conveyor belt leading to a pair of wide rollers designed to chew up discarded automobiles.

She then turned around and saw Christine guarding the only way off the platform. "I hope you realize I've been seeing a Toyota behind your back." she said.

Max then ran up behind Christine with his Pancor Jackhammer shotgun. He promptly fired a shot into her trunk. She turned around and faced him. He quickly fired another shot into her grill.

The shot made Christine back up closer to the conveyor belt. Nichole realized she had little room to stand between Christine's rear bumper and the edge of the platform. Max pumped the shotgun and fired another shot into Christine's headlight.

Christine backed up even further. Nichole jumped onto her trunk to avoid be knocked into the crusher. Max pumped his shotgun again and fired off another shot. Christine backed up again and came even closer to the edge.

Max pumped his shotgun again and fired it again. Christine was backed up even further. Max pumped his shotgun again and pulled the trigger. This time, he was answered with a "click".

Christine revved her engine and prepared to charge. Nichole grabbed a length of chain that was next to the conveyor. Max quickly checked his person for a replacement ammo canister.

Behind him, a gantry crane carried a tub. When the tub reached the platform, Tommy popped out and fired his M4. This time, the impact was enough to force Christine onto the conveyor.

She tried to race against the conveyor, but Christine was unable to fight it. Nichole wrapped the chain around her hand and pulled herself off Christine's trunk. However, the chain looped over a pulley and caught on Christine's front bumper.

Christine tried to fight her way away from the crusher. As she sank even further towards it, the chain pulled Nichole away until Max was able to pull her to safety. Christine's radio started to play "Rock And Roll Is Here To Stay" by Danny And The Juniors.

Finally, Christine was pulled into the crusher and let out a final engine roar. Max and Nichole watched the rollers turn. The top one made a full revolution and was covered in oil.

Tommy limped over and watched.

"Is it dead?" asked Nichole.

"Scrapped." said Tommy.

"Let's see what the others are up to." said Max.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the cafeteria, Joe and Max and the rest of the guards ran in.

"We need to find a way to beat back those Cannonballers." said Joe.

"Screw that." said Max. "We need to get out of here pronto."

"Oh, you're getting out of here alright." said Nash as he and his group entered. "You're getting out of here in handcuffs."

"Not another step closer, copper." said Joe.

"We're not going down without a fight." said Max. "Right, guys?"

"Wrong." said one of the guards. He and his crew immediately surrendered.

"Fine, we're leaving." said Joe. "Come on, Max."

While he was on his way out, he quickly stopped and fell to the floor twitching.

Buckaroo walked in with his group and his gun drawn. "Let's see you try to leave with a few volts running through your system." he said.

"Nice to see you made it, Buckaroo." said Walker.

Max then tried to run for the exit.

"Hey, he's getting away." said Perfect Tommy.

Suddenly, Max was stopped when he was covered in a large pile of slime. Everybody looked to the source and saw the MIBs had shown up with their group. K was pointing a large weapon at him.

"Geshundheit." said Mulder.

"Thanks." said K.

"Glad that's taken care of." said Nash.

XXXXXXXXXX

Out in the battlefield, one of Yuri's Masterminds tried to take over one of the attacker's minds, only to be rammed by the Monster. It was completely disabled afterward.

"Head on, apply directly to forehead." said Jesse as he slipped the vehicle into reverse.

Suddenly, the black van drove into action. It then stopped at the edge of the battlefield, backed up, and quickly left the area.

"Donatello, what's the situation?" asked Leonardo.

"Not looking good." said Donatello as the Shag was hit by another shot.

"Can you be more specific?" asked Leonardo.

"We're getting our shells kicked!" said Raphael.

The Shag took another hit and the engine stopped running.

"Service Engine Soon? What does that mean?" asked Michaelangelo. He looked up, saw massive ammounts of black smoke coming from the engine bay, and said "Oh."

One of Yuri's Gatling Tanks approached the Shag and trained its rotary gun on them.

"Now would be a good time for a brilliant idea." said Raphael.

"Maybe Splinter can help us." said Donatello.

"He can't. He's still concentrating on blocking Yuri's psychic powers." said Leonardo.

Suddenly, the Gatling Tank exploded and the troops ran for their lives.

"I guess Master Splinter could help us after all." said Leonardo.

"No. Not I." said Splinter.

"Turtles, are you alright?"

The Turtles looked outside to see the R.O.C.C. pull alongside them. The vehicle had separated into a tractor cab with a missile rack and a large trailer with a gun turret.

"We're okay now, thanks to you." said Leonardo as he and the Turtles climbed to the roof of the Shag.

"No problem, guys." said Roadblock from the gun turret. "We were thinking that maybe you could lend us a hand. The R.O.C.C. is a pretty mean machine, but she can't do it all."

"Are you kidding?" asked Donatello. "We live for this!"

"Alright, great to be fighting alongside you guys." said Gung Ho.

"Donatello, stay here and help me defend Master Splinter." said Leonardo. "Michaelangelo and Raphael, let 'em have it!"

"Okay, sounds like a plan." said Stalker. "To battle!"

"Yo Joe!" yelled Stalker, Roadblock, and Gung Ho.

"Yo Joe?" asked Donatello as Raphael leaped into action.

"I think that's army speak for...COWABUNGA!" said Michaelangelo as he followed Raphael.

"I am so glad I can concentrate now." said Splinter.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Warrior walked through the chaos.

"Warrior, come out and play!" yelled Mad Max.

The Warrior followed the sound of the voice and found Max on a landing in front of the main building.

"I see you've come to accept your fate." said the Warrior.

"No." said Max. "I've come to settle this. One on one right here, right now. Fair fight, no weapons. Just bare knuckles. What do you say about that?"

"It sounds very honorable." said the Warrior. "But as an android, I have no need for honor." He opened up his arm and fired three blades at Max.

Max was struck in the chest by the blades and was sent tumbling to the ground.

"Target has been eliminated." said the Warrior. "Now returning to master."

A shotgun was placed in his back, then fired. After a good ammount of his internal components were blown out, he dropped to the ground himself.

The Warrior writhed about on the ground a little, then rolled over to look up at his attacker. It was none other than...Max.

"How?" asked the Warrior. "This does not compute."

The Max that the Warrior had bladed got back up and turned to them. The area around the blade wounds wasn't red like blood. It was silver like metal. This Max pulled one of the blades out, then morphed into the T-1000.

"Pretty crafty if I do say so myself." said the real Max.

"You tricked me." gasped the Warrior.

"I deceived you." said Max. "Get up and fight like a man."

"I cannot." said the Warrior. "You shot out my hydraulics system."

"Too bad." said Max. He then pointed his shotgun right at the Warrior's face and pulled the trigger.

XXXXXXXXXX

One of Yuri's Chaos Drones tried to make its move, only to be knocked out by a missile from the Primer.

"Ah, next?" said Bugs.

"Woohoo!" cheered Michaelangelo. "Hasta la pizza, baby!"

"Looks like that's all of the ground troops." said Memphis.

Yuri looked at the wreckage of his troops and turned to his pilot. "Take us over the fortress." he ordered.

"Yes, sir." said the pilot.

The Floating Disk started to head for the fortress. The Cannonballers looked up at it and watched it go.

"Is he heading for the fortress?" asked Gloria.

"Yup." said Hank.

"We have to do something before they do something." said Ford.

"Guess we're going to have to use the jet in the R.O.C.C." said Gung Ho.

"Stalker, it's time to put a rocket in your pocket and crash their bash." said Roadblock.

"Ain't no lie, I love to fly." said Stalker as he ran for the jet.

The Floating Disk floated over the battlement, attracting the attention of almost everyone.

Nash, the Cheers Team, and the SOL Team ran out onto the balcony and looked up at it.

"Holy crow!" said Cliff.

"Hey!" yelled Crow.

Nash got on his cell phone. "Chloe, it's Nash. Time for this hour's bad news. Yuri is moving in on the fortress in his Floating Disk. Do we have any means to take it down?"

"I'm checking now." said Chloe as she hacked into DeMarco's computer. "There's an anti-aircraft gun mounted on the roof of the main building. However, I can't control it from here. It has to be operated directly."

"Which Cannonballer is closest to the gun?" asked Nash.

"I'll check the security cameras." said Chloe as she worked the security cameras. "It appears our closest racer is..." She then groaned "Oh, dear God."

"What?" asked Nash.

"It's Homer." said Chloe.

Nash let out a sigh of disgust. "Any port in a storm, I guess." he said. He dialled another number on his cell phone. "Homer, this is Nash. You see that flying saucer coming our way? We need you to shoot it down. There's a gun on top of the main building you can use. Go for it."

"Oh," moaned Homer "shooting down a flying saucer has been the last thing I wanted to do since you asked me five seconds ago. Oh, alright. I'll do it."

Homer ran for a ladder and climbed it.

"Fire a warning shot..." said Yuri. "...across his nose."

"I live to serve you, my master." said the gunner. He started firing on the compound.

One of the laser blasts shot off the main building's radar dish. The second collapsed a catwalk just after Lone Wolf rode up it. A third knocked over a wall on the roof.

Homer made it to a platform overlooking the complex.

"Hey, where's the anti-aircraft gun?" he asked.

"Dammit, Homer!" yelled Nash. "You climbed the wrong ladder!"

"D'oh!" yelled Homer.

Cate then winched herself up to the platform with her Belt Buckle Grappler. "Homer, I'm here to help you." she said. "You can go back down. I'll use the gun."

"No." said Homer. "The Nashman asked me to use the gun and I plan to honor that request."

"Okay, but at least let me take you there." she said. She aimed her grappler at the platform with the anti-aircraft gun. "Hold on tight." she said.

Homer climbed onto her back and she fired the grappler. The two were pulled over to the platform and ended up climbing over the edge themselves.

"Sorry, the grappler wasn't designed to carry this much weight." she said.

"Well, excuse me!" he said.

After Homer dragged himself up to the platform, he was grabbed by the collar by Lance. "You are starting to get on my nerves, you know that?"

"Homer, catch!" yelled Cate as she threw a small handgun to him.

He caught it and said "Thank you!", then promptly hit Lance over the head with it.

He then ran up another ladder and found the anti-aircraft gun. He sat in the seat and looked over the controls. "It's just like a video game." he said. He took a quarter out of his pocket and stuck it in a vent.

He positioned the gun towards the Floating Disk and tried to center the aim on it. "Eat fast-moving ballistic projectiles, sucker!" he said, then pulled the trigger.

A series of shots came out of the gun and blew a hole in the side of the Disk.

"Woo hoo!" he cheered. "He shoots! He...AH!"

Homer noticed the Floating Disk aiming at him and jumped out of the gun's seat. The Floating Disk then fired its laser cannon and destroyed the gun emplacement.

"Oh, I didn't get to log my initials." moaned Homer.

Lone Wolf rode up to the catwalk on the Nousagi. He then noticed the wall that had been knocked over formed a ramp. He also noticed the Floating Disk was about to fly in front of the path.

"Some may see coincidence, I see providence." said Lone Wolf. He then looked over the battlement to the south and said "Seriously though, I think I can see Providence from here."

He revved his engine a couple of times, then let it loose. He raced down the catwalk towards the fallen wall. The Floating Disk drifted into his path. He launched off of the ramp and went flying towards the Disk. He managed to slip through the hole blasted by Homer.

After Lone Wolf managed to bring the Nousagi to a halt, he hopped off of it, removed his helmet, and faced Yuri.

"Well, Mr. Wolf." said Yuri. "It would seem our paths have finally crossed."

"A meeting I've been looking forward to." said Lone Wolf.

"Please." said Yuri. "Do yourself a favor and submit. Once you are under my command, you will help me to recruit the Cannonballers."

"I cannot be controlled by you." said Lone Wolf.

"And why not?" asked Yuri.

"Because I'm just a figment of your imagination." said Lone Wolf.

Yuri looked at him in shock.

"I'm just kidding." laughed Lone Wolf. "Look, you haven't really succeeded in taking over any of the Cannonballers so far. What gives you the idea that you can take them over now?"

"Watch." said Yuri.

He started to concentrate. In the fortress...

"Agh!" said Buffy. "Someone's trying to get in my head."

"Yuri?" asked Willow.

"Not unless there's another...who's that guy who bends spoons?" said Xander.

"Do something!" yelled Willow.

Xander leaned over and said into Buffy's ear "Hey, Yuri. Want a minion? Try me. You might like it."

He quickly recoiled and Buffy recovered. Xander then tried to concentrate. "Oh yeah." he said. "Welcome to the Xander Zone."

In the courtyard, Chester continued to try to solve the Continuum Transfunctioner. Reese ran by and yelled "Will you stop monkeying with that thing and give us a hand?"

"Almost done." said Chester.

The jet from the R.O.C.C. flew towards the Disk. "Okay, let's blitz 'em!" said Stalker.

"Sir, we've got a bogey coming in." said the pilot of the Disk.

"This person's mind." said Yuri. "It is a maze of disorder and craziness."

Stalker flew over the Floating Disk and fired off his machine guns. However, he failed to seriously damage the craft.

"We're okay, sir." said the pilot.

"Ah, why bother?" asked Yuri. "Fire on the Cannonballers."

"Laser cannons aren't functioning." said the gunner.

"Why not?" snapped Yuri.

"Oh, probably because of these cables I just pulled." said Lone Wolf as he dropped a handful of cables from an elevated walkway.

"You shall pay." said Yuri. He started to meditate again and Lone Wolf started to cringe.

Suddenly, a human figure dressed in black swung through the hole. He stood up and ran for Yuri.

Stalker watched from the jet. "Snake Eyes has entered the Disk." he said. "Repeat: Snake Eyes has entered the Disk."

"Get him!" ordered Yuri.

A couple of Initiates tried to capture Snake Eyes, but he managed to avoid them and make it to the semi-controlled Lone Wolf. He put together his hands in an A formation and looked through the hole into Lone Wolf's eyes. This immediately snapped him out of it.

"Thanks, man." said Lone Wolf. "Now, let's get that scumbag."

Snake Eyes and Lone Wolf jumped into action. Yuri tried to fight them off.

On the ground, Chester finally solved the Rubik's Cube. "'Bout time." he said as it started to change shape.

The Cube finished transforming into the Continuum Transfunctioner. "Oh shit." said Jesse. "They still haven't fixed that design flaw." The firing button was in a deep, narrow hole.

"Where are we going to get a long, thin something to push that button?" asked Chester.

The T-X walked over and extended her index finger. It then turned into an antenna. She inserted the antenna in the hole and said "Say when."

Jesse and Chester aimed the Transfunctioner at the Floating Disk and Jesse said "When."

The T-X pushed the button and a laser blast fired from the weapon. It hit the Disk and caused a massive explosion.

"That's it. We're trashed." said the pilot.

Lone Wolf and Snake Eyes were rocked to the other side of the cabin. "Later." said Lone Wolf.

He and Snake Eyes picked up the Nousagi and got it started. Lone Wolf put on his helmet and revved the engine.

"Retreat now." ordered Yuri. "This endeavor was a mistake from the start."

The Floating Disk tried to leave Vermont airspace and floated over the main building. Lone Wolf twisted the grip and sent the Nousagi out of the hole in the side. He and Snake Eyes flew onto the roof of the building and slid to a halt at the edge.

"Boy, I tell you." said Jesse. "Any day we cause that much property damage is a good day."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Cannonballers and DeMarco's men watched the Disk float on. DeMarco then looked to the crowd from a bridge between the main building and the tower. He said "Well, kinda puts things in perspective, huh? I guess no one's gonna top that, so we might as well finish this now."

"What do you have in mind?" asked Chaos.

"How does this sound?" asked DeMarco. "We'll settle the whole fight one-on-one. If you win, the police take me in and you can all go free. If I win, you're all my prisoners and the prize money is your ransom."

"Sounds okay." said Chaos.

"Then, let's rumble." said DeMarco.

"Fight music, please!" said Chaos.

LL Cool J took to the mic.

**Come on, man!**

As Cool J started to rap, Agent J said "Ladies and gentlemen, Captain Chaos is making a comeback!"

**Don't call it a comeback.  
I've been here for years.  
I'm rockin' my peers,  
and puttin' suckas in fears.  
Makin' the tears rain down like a monsoon,  
listen to the bass go BOOM!**

DeMarco jumped over to Chaos and tried to attack with a flying kick. Chaos responded by swiging his mop into DeMarco's chest.

**Explosion! Overpowerin!  
Over the competition, I'm towerin.  
Wreckin' shop!  
When I drop these lyrics that'll make you call the cops.  
Don't you dare stare.  
You better move! Don't ever compare!  
Me to the rest that'll all get sliced and diced.  
Competition's paying the price.**

Chaos vaulted towards DeMarco with his legs extended. DeMarco responded by foot sweeping the mop out from under him.

**I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said Knock you out!  
I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!  
I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!  
I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!**

DeMarco tried to attack with a roundhouse kick. Chaos ducked it and swept him off his feet with his mop.

**Don't you call this a regular jam!  
I'm gonna rock this land!  
I'm gonna take this itty bitty world by storm,  
and I'm just getting warm!  
Just like Muhummad Ali, they called him Cassius.  
Watch me bash this beat like a skull.  
Cause you know I had beef with.  
Why you riff with me?**

Chaos tried to thrust his mop into DeMarco's chest. DeMarco deflected the thrust and struck Chaos in the back.

**The maniac psycho.  
And when I pull out my jammy,  
get ready cause it might go BLAWWW!  
How you like me now?  
The river will not allow.  
You to get with Mr. Smith.  
Don't riff.  
Listen to my gear shift.  
I'm blastin', outlastin.  
Kind of like Shaft, so you can say I'm Shaftin!  
Old English filled my mind,  
and I came up with a funky rhyme.**

DeMarco attacked with a dashing punch, but missed. Chaos responded by headbutting him.

**I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!  
I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!  
I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!  
I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!**

**Breakdown!**

Chaos tried to attack by doing a spin with his mop, but DeMarco ducked and elbowed him in the stomach.

He then tried to follow up with an uppercut, but Chaos spun and threw him across the bridge.

**Shadow boxing when I heard you on the radio.  
I just don't know.  
What made you forget that I was raw?  
But now I got a new tour!  
I'm going insane, startin' the hurricane, releasing pain.  
Lettin' you know you can't gain, I maintain.  
Unless you say my name.  
Rippin'! Killin!  
Diggin' and drillin' a hole!  
Pass the Ol' Gold!**

Chaos jumped in with a knee thrust. DeMarco fell to his back and shot his foot into Chaos' hip.

**I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!  
I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!  
I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!  
I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!**

Chaos then tried to perform a spin kick, but was cut off by a punch from DeMarco.

**Shotgun blasts are heard,  
when I rip and kill at will!  
The man of the hour,  
tower of power,  
I'll devour.  
I'm gonna tie you up and let you understand.  
That I'm not your average man.  
When I got a jammy in my hand.  
Damn!  
Ooh!  
Listen to the way I slay, your crew.**

DeMarco then tried to shove Chaos off the bridge, but Chaos hit him with four spin kicks in a row.

**Damage! HOO!  
Damage! HOO!  
Damage! HOO!  
Damage!  
Destruction, terror, and mayhem!  
Pass me a sissy, so suckas, I slay him.  
Farmers! WHAT!  
Farmers! WHAT!  
I'm ready! (We're ready)  
I think I'm gonna bomb a town!**

DeMarco tried to do another roundhouse kick, but Chaos dropped to his knee and punched DeMarco in his. DeMarco fell over quickly.

**Get down!  
Don't you neva, eva, pull my leva.  
'Cause I explode,  
and my nine is easy to load.  
I gotta thank God,  
'Cause he gave me the strength to rock HARD!**

Chaos thrust his mop handle into DeMarco's midsection. This time, he connected.

**Knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!  
I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!  
I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!  
I'm gonna knock you out!  
Mama said knock you out!**

-"Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J.

Chaos thrust his mop at DeMarco and hit him in the face with the head. He knocked DeMarco down a staircase.

DeMarco tumbled down until he hit a wall and deflected back onto the stairs. "That didn't hurt." he gasped. He continued tumbling until he bounced off another wall onto the stairs. "That didn't hurt." he moaned. He continued to the base of the stairs where he landed gently. "That hurt." he groaned.

Maggie Simspon was right next to him. She crawled over to him, took out her pacifier, and stuck it in his mouth.

"Yeah!" yelled Chaos as he raised his mop over his head.

The Cannonballers burst into applause as well.

George ran over to Chaos and grabbed him. "We did it!" he yelled. "We beat DeMarco! We're free to go!" He and Chaos did an elaborate handshake and continued to cheer.

At the base of the stairs, DeMarco reached into his belt, pulled out a handgun, and spit out Maggie's pacifier. He started to aim at Chaos when another gun was thrust into his face. This one was in the hands of Officer Hooks. She looked at him and screamed "Don't move, dirtbag!"

Mr. X left his hiding place and started to survey the battlefield. "Well, that was certainly a tough one." he said.

Two paramedics took away Korpi on a stretcher. "Sorry about the disturbance, folks." he said.

"Hey, compared to H.A.R.M, you guys are bloody amateurs." said Cate.

That's when the ice cream truck pulled up. Tackleberry and the Mystery Inc. team jumped out.

"Sorry we're late!" yelled Freddie. "We're ready to...I think the battle's over."

"Well, I guess they didn't need our help after all." said Daphne.

Tackleberry threw his gun onto the ground, marched over to the hood of the ice cream truck and started banging his head against it.

"Hey." said Fackler. "It's okay. Don't do this."

"What's wrong with him?" asked Velma.

"Oh, there was gunplay and...he missed it." said Fackler.

"Thanks for helping us, Officer Mahoney." said K. "Bringing these chicks in is a high priority on some planets."

"You have the right to color T.V." said Mahoney as he slapped the cuffs on Linda.

"Thanks a lot, Mitzi." said Linda. "You just had to turn on us."

"You have the right to sing the blues." said Mahoney as he cuffed Mia in front.

"Well, she wouldn't have done that if DeMarco hadn't fired her." said Mia.

"You have the right to paint the walls of your cell." said Mahoney as he cuffed Nichole in front.

"Well, he wouldn't have fired her if Kim had pulled her weight." said Nichole.

"You have the right to write to lonely men." said Mahoney as he cuffed Kim in front. "Find out if he has a sister."

"Don't drag me into this, Christine's girl!" said Kim. "Blame Mitzi for not properly leading us!"

Mahoney finally cuffed Mitzi in front.

"Will you guys stop arguing!" said Mitzi. "If it's any consolation, I'll probably get the same punishment as you guys."

"Let this one go." said Mr. X.

"Huh?" said Mahoney.

"She gave us assistance in the battle." said Mr. X. "We couldn't have won without her. We're going to negotiate for her release." He removed the handcuffs.

Mitzi thought about her turn of events for a second. "Bye, guys." she said.

"Hey, Mr. X!" yelled Stone Cold as he held Tanner out the window to his room. "Look who we have!"

"Go easy on him!" yelled Mr. X.

"Let's see what gravity will do to you." said Stone Cold.

"Stone Cold!" yelled Mr. X. "Put down my informant!"

Next: The final dash.


	14. The Road To Victory

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Chapter Fourteen: The Road To Victory

"Informant?" asked Stone Cold.

"Informant?" asked everyone else.

"Yes, he was the one passing the information to me!" said Mr. X.

Tanner turned to Stone Cold and said "I'll ease up if you do."

Stone Cold released Tanner. Tanner climbed out the window and held onto the ladder. "Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Tanner." he said. "I am not actually a mob wheelman. I'm really an FBI agent working undercover."

"Tanner, what are you saying?" asked DeMarco.

"He's saying you've been PUNK'D!" said Jesse Richmond.

"Mr. X is an old associate of mine." said Tanner. "While I was working for DeMarco, I discovered his plan to steal the prize money and informed him. Mr. X then had me sabotage DeMarco's operation from inside."

"I work undercover for a living." said Jarod. "How did I not see this coming?"

"I apologize for deceiving you all." said Tanner. "I couldn't risk being found out."

"Wait, wait." said Memphis. "Explain something to me. If you were secretly working for Mr. X, why did you break into the race headquarters to steal the prize money?"

"Because I knew the prize money wasn't there." said Tanner. "I knew DeMarco would want me to steal the money, so I had to at least make an attempt. I was a little surprised to find the explosives in there. I also used the opportunity to trade some information with Mr. X."

(flashback)

"Either you come with me or your eyeball does." said Tanner as he put Mr. X in a headlock. In the process, he slipped a note into Mr. X's pocket while taking another one out.

(end flashback)

"But you were also the one who ended up kidnapping Stanley." said Max Payne.

"That was because DeMarco was going apeshit." said Tanner. "I saw that he was capable of anything up to and including mass destruction. If I hadn't satisfied his hunger for power, there's no telling what he could have done. I solved the problem without serious injury."

"Without serious injury?" asked George. "I don't think so!"

"But didn't you also hire the Hunters, Capt. Everett, and Mitzi's group?" asked Leonardo.

"And look at how well they turned out." said Tanner.

"Hey!" said Darden.

"I hired the guys who would be least likely to pull it off." said Tanner.

"Hey!" said Linda.

"Oh, give it a rest." said Tanner. "You and your group were taken out by a pair of empty-headed stoners."

"Hey!" yelled Chester.

"Unfortunately, I didn't realize how mad it would make DeMarco." said Tanner. "So, see the answer for kidnapping Stanley."

"What about trying to stop us from disabling the doomsday device?" asked Super Dave.

"I had to." said Tanner. "I tried to disable it myself, but I screwed it up so that it would activate if someone tried to disable it the usual way. All I could do was try to prevent the Cannonballers from trying to disable it."

"Well, I guess that wraps things up." said Mr. X.

"Wait a second." said Homer. "What about your wife?"

"Homer, he's not married." said Marge.

After a lengthy pause, Homer said "Oh."

"Any other questions?" asked Tanner.

"Yeah." said Nash. "Was there any point where you thought your cover would be blown wide open?"

"Yeah, you could've been found out at any turn." said Joe. "You have got to be the bravest son of a bitch I've ever seen."

"Thank you, sir." said Tanner. "Yeah, that happened a lot."

"Come on." said Mahoney. "I'm sure the police would like a few words with you to find out some more about DeMarco's empire."

"Tanner, if you talk, you're a dead man!" yelled DeMarco.

"If I say anything, can I get work with your organization?" asked Tanner.

"By all means." said Mr. X.

"Well, it looks like everything is going okay here." said Brock.

"What's up?" asked Mr. X.

"I have an announcement to make." said Brock.

He walked onto an overhead walkway and looked over the Cannonballers. "Cannonballers, please lend me your ears." he said. "As a goodwill gesture for your assistance in rescuing Stanley, we have a special surprise. The winner still gets 250,000,000 dollars, but the second place team will get 150,000,000 dollars, the third place team will get 100,000,000 dollars, the fourth place team will get 50,000,000 dollars, and the fifth place team will get 10,000,000. On top of that, the teams that finish sixth through tenth get 1,000,000 dollars each."

The crowd cheered.

"How many zeroes are in that?" asked Willow.

"Sixty-six." said Jarod.

"And one more thing." said Brock. "Since you're here with us, Nash and Joe will be allowed to reenter the race."

Nash and Joe cheered.

"And now, everybody..." said Brock "...WE'RE OFF!"

The Cannonballers ran for their cars.

Nash and Joe climbed into the 'Cuda. "Come on, bubba. Let's go." said Nash.

Mike and the bots got back into the Emu. Mike noticed Joel running for a recliner.

"Hey, Joel!" yelled Mike. "Want a lift?"

"No thanks. I got my own." said Joel as he sat in the recliner, fastened his seatbelt, put on his goggles, and started the chair using a remote control for a VCR.

Team Cheers climbed into the Citi.

"Hey, Sammy." said Cliff. "Can we take a quick side trip through Beacon Hill?"

"It's out of the way, Cliffy." said Sam. "Why do you want to go there?"

"I forgot to finish my route." said Cliff.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky...

"Come! Come!" yelled Wario. "We have to go!"

Wario and Bowser were in the Saikou XS. Waluigi was on his way out of the cabin. He jumped into the car.

"Let's go for it!" he yelled.

Wario floored the accelerator and the car raced off. Unfortunately, their time card was still on the end table below the window.

XXXXXXXXXX

In San Francisco...

"Ready to go?" asked Chip.

"Born ready." said Zeke.

Harvey and Antwon watched from the balcony. "Have fun, guys!" yelled Harvey as Chip and Zeke got into their car.

Within seconds, they drove off. A few seconds after that, "Disco Inferno" started playing over the PA system again.

XXXXXXXXXX

Brock climbed into a beige Chevy pickup with red ground effects. He started it and put it in gear.

Tanner climbed into the Clover and started it. "I'll show DeMarco I'm not 100 guaranteed a win." he said.

"Go! Go!" yelled someone as engines started and cars started to leave DeMarco's fortress.

Bernard turned on the stereo in the Bryanston V and music started to play.

**The signs are getting clearer,  
clearer than you need.  
The writing's on the wall,  
for you to see.**

Several of the cars drove through the turns in the mountains of Vermont. A few of them pulled off drifts.

**You never thought you'd ever get the chance.  
You never thought that it would be this good.  
Just tell me what you want and I'll find the key.  
Just reach out and touch, it's all yours.**

Nash drove through Pennsylvania. He and Joe laughed at a joke Joe had told.

**If you hang in long enough,  
you'll do it.  
If you hang in long enough...**

The Super Taxi stopped at the World's Largest Twine Ball in Minnesota. George, Stanley, and Kuni argued over who would take their picture in front of the twine ball. Suddenly, a man walked by and George asked him to take the picture.

**You're down on the ground broke,  
or so you say.  
You'd sell the hole in your pocket,  
if you could find a way.**

George stood and smirked. Stanley held up his mop triumphantly. Kuni took a karate stance.

The man backed up while aiming the camera at them. Then, he turned around and ran. The guys could do nothing but watch him leave.

**Don't ask me how I know,  
'cause you don't want to hear.  
It's been a long, hard road,  
and the end is getting near.**

**You never thought you'd ever get a taste.  
You never thought your break would come along.  
Just tell me what you want, I'll find the key.  
Just reach out and touch, it's all yours.**

**If you hang in long enough,  
you'll do it.  
Hang in long enough,  
you'll do it.  
Hang in long enough,  
you'll do it.  
Hang in long enough...**

J.D. danced around on stage and sang.

**They always say,  
"The best things in life are free"  
But you want to have everything.  
Well, you're gonna have to beg if you want it all.  
You're...gon...na...have to beg.**

Audience members raised signs reading "J.D. Rocks", "Party On", and "Sharp Turn Ahead". J.D. came out of his daydream in time to swerve back onto the Missouri road.

**Hang in long enough,  
you'll do it.  
Hang in long enough.**

**They'll let you out,  
then pull you in.  
Playing hell with your emotions,  
you feel like giving in.**

The Torque JX cruised through New Mexico. The Cohete and Monsoni pulled alongside, then raced off. Kobe started to chase after them, but Kaga stopped him.

**Hang in long enough.  
You'll do it.  
If you hang in long enough,  
you'll do it.**

A mile down the road, a New Mexico state trooper had pulled over Jaleel and Ford. Kaga and the Iron Chefs laughed as they drove by.

**Hang in.  
You'll do it.  
Hang in.  
You'll do it.  
Hang in.  
You'll do it.  
Hang in.  
You'll do it.**

-"Hang In Long Enough" by Phil Collins

The crowd had gathered at the Grand Canyon to welcome the Cannonballers. They parted to let in a 1970 GTO. It had been painted black metallic with red, orange, and yellow flames painted onto the sides. Custom Foose rims adorned the wheels. The car parked in the center of the crowd and Chip and Zeke climbed out.

"Did we win?" joked Chip. The crowd cheered.

"Chip Foose kicks ass." said Zeke.

Big Schwag, Frankie Whiteside, David Spade, and Phil Keoghan took to the stage to announce the arrivals.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the Cannonballers are now in the final stretch." announced Schwag.

"That's right and with no more threats, they're sure to arrive safely." announced Frankie.

"Once again, the Cannonballers have proven to be more than a match for anyone who threatens them." announced David.

"And we have received word that most of the teams have entered the state of Arizona." announced Phil before a stagehand walked over and whispered something into his ear. Phil turned to him and said "What?" The stagehand repeated his news. Phil turned back and announced "Folks, I've just been informed that the first team has entered the park and is on their way to the finish! They will be here shortly!"

The crowd parted again to allow the eventual winner into the winner's circle. Zeke moved his GTO out of the way. The crowd started to mutter and whisper. Suddenly, an engine was heard. The crowd started to build in applause. Then, up the road came...

The Saikou XS.

David's smile faded. "We barely hear from these guys and THEY come in first?" he asked. "Oh, that's justice."

The crowd started to cheer anyway. The Saikou XS pulled into the area and drove into the winner's circle. Wario and Bowser jumped out and started waving to the crowd. Waluigi flashed a thumbs-up to them while grinning menacingly. Wario and Bowser walked up to Phil.

"Team Warioware?" said Phil. "After seven continents, six weeks, and over one hundred thousand miles, you have finished the Cannonball Run Worldwide in first place!"

Wario and Bowser cheered. So did the crowd.

"To tell you the truth," said Phil "this is quite a surprise for a team of rookies like yourselves. But you have defied the odds and claimed victory. So, congratulations to you. Now, to make it official, you have to put your time card in the clock to register it."

"Very well." said Wario. "Bowser, give me the time card."

"I don't have it." said Bowser.

"Well, I don't have it either. Waluigi?" said Wario.

"Oh oh." said Waluigi. "I think I left it in the cabin."

The crowd gaspsed. Phil crossed his arms and asked "What cabin?" suspiciously.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere to the east, Lara and her team had been pulled over. They stood with their jumpsuits unzipped.

"Well, I'd just like you to be careful out there." said the officer. "There's a lot of speed-crazed lunatics out there."

"Thank you, officer." said Lara.

"Thank you very much." said Joanna.

The officer returned to his car.

"I can't believe that finally worked." said Cate as she zipped up.

"It had to work sooner or later." said Chun Li as she zipped up too.

XXXXXXXXXX

Beavis and Butthead had pulled over in Monument Valley. They were staring at a sign that said "Elephant Butte".

"Heh heh heh heh heh heh." said Beavis.

"Huh huh huh huh huh huh." said Butthead.

"Heh heh heh heh heh heh." said Beavis.

"Huh huh huh huh huh huh." said Butthead.

"Heh heh heh heh." said Beavis. "Shouldn't we continue the race?"

"Huh huh huh huh. Uh, why?" said Butthead.

XXXXXXXXXX

Back at the Grand Canyon...

"I have been informed that most of the Cannonballers have passed through the town of Cameron." announced Phil. "After that is Desert View and then they're here. One team that is already here is Team Warioware, who have been discovered to have cheated and have been promptly disqualified. With them now is David Spade."

Wario, Waluigi, and Bowser sat on the curb and moped. "Well, Phil." said David. "As you can see, Wario and his teammates are not happy about this turn of events. Aw. In any case, we have an interview with them right now. Wario, you and your team have become the first Cannonballers ever to be disqualified. You're not too happy, are you?"

"What was your first hint?" asked Wario.

"First, the question that's sure to be on everyone's minds." said David. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"We were thinking that we found an easy way to win this flippin' race!" said Bowser. "If Walugi hadn't left the card in the cabin, everything would be okay!"

"Don't try pinning this all on me!" yelled Waluigi. "I was just going along with Wario's plans!"

"You guys stop arguing now!" said Wario. "It was my idea! I'll take the blame for this!"

"You not only got us disqualified!" said Bowser. "You also got us banned from the race for life!"

"Hey, hey, hey, guys." said David. "If it makes you feel any better, one member of the Cannonball band has agreed to perform one of his songs for you."

"Really?" asked Waluigi.

"Absolutely." said David. "Here he comes now."

Beck walked over to them.

"So, Beckster." said David. "Have you given any thought as to which of your songs you're going to sing?"

"Not at all." said Beck. "When I heard about the situation, I immediately chose an appropriate song. Hit it, guys."

"Mr. Beck, thank you very..." said Wario before he noticed the guitar riff on the song being performed. The crowd recognized it as well and laughed. Then, they started to dance to it and Beck started to sing.

**In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey.  
Butane in my veins, so I'm out to cut the junkie.  
With the plastic eyeballs, spray paint the vegetables.  
Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose.**

**Kill the headlights and put it in neutral.  
Stock car flamin' with a loser and the cruise control.  
Baby's in Reno with the Vitamin D.  
Got a couple couches, sleep on the love seat.**

**Someone keeps sayin' I'm insane to complain.  
About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt.  
Don't believe everything that you breathe.  
You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve.**

**So shave your face with some mace in the dark.  
Savin' all your food stamps and burnin' down the trailer park.**

**Yo.  
Cut it.**

**Soy un perdidor.  
I'm a loser, baby.  
So, why don't you kill me?**

**Double-barrel buckshot.**

**Soy un perdidor.  
I'm a loser, baby.  
So, why don't you kill me?**

**Forces of evil in a bozo nightmare.  
Banned all the music with a phony gas chamber.  
'cause one's got a weasel and another's got a flag.  
One's got on the pole, shove the other in a bag.**

**With the rerun shows and the cocaine nose job.  
The daytime crap with the folksinger slop.  
He hung himself with a guitar string.  
Slap the turkey neck and it's hanging on a pigeon wing.**

**You can't write if you can't relate.  
Trade the cash for the beef for the body for the hate.  
And my time is a piece of wax falling on a termite,  
who's choking on the splinters.**

**Soy un perdidor.  
I'm a loser, baby.  
So, why don't you kill me?**

**Get crazy with the cheeze whiz.**

**Soy un perdidor.  
I'm a loser, baby.  
So, why don't you kill me?**

**Drive by body pierce.**

**Yo, bring it on down.**

David then stepped up to the mic and said "I'm a driver, I'm a winner. Things are gonna change, I can feel it."

**Soy un perdidor.  
I'm a loser, baby.  
So, why don't you kill me?**

**I can't believe you.**

**Soy un perdidor.  
I'm a loser, baby.  
So, why don't you kill me?**

**Soy un perdidor.  
I'm a loser, baby.  
So, why don't you kill me?**

**Sprechen sies Deutches, baby.**

**Soy un perdidor.  
I'm a loser, baby.  
So, why don't you kill me?**

**Know what I'm saying?**

-"Loser" by Beck

"Thank you, Beck." said Frankie. "I'm sure Team Warioware really appreciated that."

"Well, folks." said Schwag. "We're still waiting for the Cannonballers to arrive. Until that happens..." The stagehand walked over to him and whispered something into his ear. "How's that again?" asked Schwag. The stagehand repeated his news. "YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! THE CANNONBALLERS HAVE ENTERED THE PARK! THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY HERE!"

The crowd erupted in applause. A few seconds later, they quieted down to listen for engines. They were soon rewarded.

The Amata Crescendo was in the lead. The Fripon X was right behind it.

"Keep it going, Francis!" said Malcolm. "The lead is just a heartbeat away!"

"I'm going for it!" said Francis.

Behind the Fripon X was the Citi. Behind that was the Crusero Magnifico.

"There's three cars between us and the lead!" said Daffy.

"Sorry, that's my fault." said Bugs. "I knew I should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque."

The cars came to a turn at the edge of the canyon and whipped through it. In the canyon itself, the Jones J450, Knight, and Baja Buggy raced along a hiking trail.

The three vehicles raced across a bridge over the Colorado River. Under the bridge, Bart Simpson stood on the river bank and watched the L.A. Cop Car float by.

"You told me it was shallow here!" yelled Regis as he leaned out the window. "You told me it was shallow here!"

The cars raced onto the final stretch and made their way to the finish. The vehicles that took a shortcut through the canyon joined the rest of the pack.

"Yeah, here they come!" yelled David. He slapped the hood of the Saikou XS in excitement. He went to slap it again, but the car started to roll down the hill. "Ooh, that's not good." he said.

The Saikou XS smashed into a park truck and jacknifed so it blocked the road.

The Cannonballers all hit the brakes and jumped out of their cars. They tried to run past the Saikou XS, but they got stuck trying to climb over it.

"Oh my God." said Frankie. "It doesn't look like anyone's getting through that."

"Wait a minute!" yelled Schwag. "Look who's coming through!"

"I see it!" yelled Phil. "It's..."

Jessie, James, Meowth, Annie, and Oakley ran for the finish.

"Great." said David. "First Team Warioware, now Team Rocket. Why can't someone deserving win this thing?"

Team Rocket ran up to the finish and checked in.

"Team Rocket?" said Phil. "After seven continents, six weeks, and over one hundred thousand miles, you are now the official winners of the Cannonball Run Worldwide."

"We won?" said James.

"We won!" said Annie.

"Well, it's about flippin' time!" said Jessie.

"I'm sorry to say you've usually been the team everybody wants to see lose." said Phil. "However, you have pulled off a victory. How does that make you feel?"

"Very great, Phil." said Meowth. "The best I possibly can."

"Well, I suppose someone will be willing to finish second then." said Phil.

Just then, the Veloci de-cloaked near the clock. Tommy and Max climbed out.

"Sorry, we would have gotten here sooner." said Tommy.

"Unfortunately, the door lock got stuck." said Max.

"Well, punch in anyway." said Phil. "Second isn't exactly a bad way to finish."

"I guess." said Tommy. He reached up and punched his time card in the clock.

That was when everybody else turned and looked in shock. The black van that had been attacking everyone rolled into the lot.

"Now what?" asked Max as he and Tommy drew their weapons.

The van pulled up to the crowd of Cannonballers and the driver's side door opened. Then, the driver climbed out.

"Boss?" said Oakley.

"You know this guy?" asked David.

"Yes, he's our boss." said James.

"Uh oh." said Schwag.

"Not a good thing." said Frankie.

"Team Rocket." said Phil. "You mean to tell us that the man who's been attacking the Cannonballers is an associate of yours?"

"I was just doing my part to help them win." said Giovanni.

"Well, they won without your help." said Phil. "Unfortunately, it doesn't matter now. Due to your affiliation with a known threat to the other racers, you are hearby disqualified from the race."

"Oh, come on!" yelled Jessie.

"You guys come up here." said Phil.

Tommy and Max walked up to Phil.

"Tommy and Max." said Phil. "After...ah, skip it. Congratuations, you are hereby the official winners of the Cannonball Run Worldwide."

Tommy and Max let out a loud cheer.

"Please don't get disqualified. Please don't get disqualified." said David.

"Okay, the rest of you can come up here and try for the rest of the top ten." said Phil.

The Cannonballers looked to the clock, then to Giovanni.

"Um, no hard feelings?" he said.

"How about no feelings, period?" asked Knuckles.

While half of the field tried to make their way to the clock, the other half moved towards Giovanni.

"Uh, surely we can talk about this?" asked Giovanni as he started to run.

Not going either way was Tanner who was casually leaning against the Clover. Chip looked at him and walked over. "You're not going with them?" he asked.

"The guy in the van didn't attack me and I don't have a time card." said Tanner. "I was just in this to get to the finish."

Chip looked over the Clover. "Whose car is this?" he asked.

"Denis Leary's." said Tanner.

"Really?" asked Chip. "You know, a lot of people know Denis Leary as a foul-mouthed, mysogynistic comedian. They don't know about his contributions to various fire-fighting organizations across the country. One of his auctions raised six-hundred-thousand dollars for families of New York firefighters killed on nine-eleven. I think it's time I gave something back."

XXXXXXXXXX

The post-race party was in full swing an hour later. A crowd had formed and was now body surfing Bernie.

A parade of vehicles cruised by. The ice cream truck led the way with Giovanni tied to the front.

That's when Lone Wolf came racing up on the Nousagi. He did a wheelie and brought it to a halt a few feet later. He then climbed off and walked up to Mr. X.

"Lone Wolf, I see you have performed to the best of your abilities again." said Mr. X.

"I'm glad I could be of service." said Lone Wolf. "Do you need security for any future Cannonballs?"

"We always do." said Mr. X. "I guess we'll be seeing you then."

"Just try to keep me away." said Lone Wolf. He turned and rode away.

"He didn't stay." said J.J.

"He never does." said Mr. X.

Lone Wolf rode out onto the road and found Mitzi walking along. He pulled alongside and stopped.

"You're not joining the party?" he asked.

"I really don't fit in with that crowd." she said. "Lone Wolf, I'm sorry I tried to drown you. I didn't really want to, but you know DeMarco."

"You know, now that DeMarco's going to jail," said Lone Wolf "you could probably get into some other work."

"You mean something legit?" asked Mitzi.

"I could even help you get started." said Lone Wolf. "So, where are you going?"

"Nowhere in particular." said Mitzi.

"Sounds great. Hop on." said Lone Wolf.

Mitzi smiled and climbed onto the back of the Nousagi.

**I wake up in the morning,  
and I raise my weary head.  
I got an old coat for a pillow,  
and the earth was last night's bed.**

**I don't know where I'm going.  
Only God knows where I've been.  
I'm a devil on the run,  
a six gun lover,  
a candle in the wind.**

**When you're brought into this world,  
they say you're born in sin.  
Well, at least they gave me something,  
I didn't have to steal or have to win.**

**Well, they tell me that I'm wanted.  
Yeah, I'm a wanted man.  
I'm a colt in your stable.  
I'm what Cain was to Abel.  
Mister, catch me if you can.**

**I'm going down in a blaze of glory.  
Take me now, but know the truth.  
I'm going out in a blaze of glory.**

**Lord, I never drew first,  
but I drew first blood.  
I'm no one's son.  
Call me young gun.**

**You ask about my conscience,  
and I offer you my soul.  
You ask if I'll grow to be a wise man.  
Well, I'll ask if I grow old.**

**You ask me if I known love,  
and what it's like to sing songs in the rain.  
Well, I've seen love come,  
and I've seen it shot down.  
I've seen it die in vain.**

**Shot down in a blaze of glory.  
Take me now, but know the truth.  
'Cause I'm going down in a blaze of glory.**

**Lord, I never drew first,  
but I drew first blood.  
I'm the devil's son.  
Call me young gun.**

**Each night I go to bed.  
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.  
No, I ain't looking for forgiveness.  
But before I'm six feet deep.**

**Lord, I got to ask a favor,  
and I hope you'll understand.  
'Cause I've lived life to the fullest.  
Let the boy die like a man.**

**Staring down the bullet,  
let me make my final stand.**

**Shot down in a blaze of glory.  
Take me now, but know the truth.  
I'm going out in a blaze of glory.**

**Lord, I never drew first,  
but I drew first blood,  
and I'm no one's son.  
Call me young gun.  
I'm a young gun.**

-"Blaze of Glory" by Jon Bon Jovi.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the lounge, Nessa faced the band members.

"Okay, settle down!" she said. "We're about to distribute the winnings as you have wagered. Chloe, who had money on the Veloci?"

She turned to the computer terminal to see it abandoned.

"Wait, where's Chloe?" asked Nessa.

XXXXXXXXXX

Back at the fortress, Chloe walked through the hallways and looked around.

"Hello?" she asked. "Is anybody left?"

She walked into the control room and looked at the destruction.

"Not how I would have done it." she said. She then turned around and gasped.

She saw three men standing there. One of them said "Hi, I'm Larry. This is my brother Darryl. This is my other brother Darryl."

XXXXXXXXXX

Sam and Max polished the Bryanston V while Ben and Bernard watched.

"It sure was nice of you to let them have it." said Bernard.

"Well, it wasn't mine to give, so." said Ben.

"Here he comes." said Sam.

He and Max stood aside as a man walked over to them.

"Ah hello, Freelance Police." said the man.

"Sir, I'd like to happily report that we have recovered your stolen vehicle." said Sam.

"Thank you very much." said the man. "Where is it?"

"It's right here!" said Max.

The man looked at the Bryanston V. "No, this isn't my car." he said. "My car is white with no body kit. Wait. That radar detector! I bought that when I got the car insured! My car! It's...pink!"

"Another satisfied client, Sam." said Max. "Let's go get some corndogs."

"You crack me up, little buddy." said Sam.

XXXXXXXXXX

Hsu and Chan sat together and talked on their cell phones. "Good news." said Hsu. "Nissan has allowed us to use their cars in the game."

"Dodge just gave us approval." said Chan. "Things are shaping up nicely."

"I can't believe I just helped these two make a racing game." said Sushi X.

"I think we can start modelling the cars as soon as we get back." said Hsu.

"I'll go talk to the band members about licensing songs." said Chan.

"That's it." said Sushi X. "I must go ritual seppuku myself. Where do you keep the knives?"

"They're in the trunk next to the spare." said Chan.

"Now we just have to figure out the customization system." said Hsu.

Sushi X took a knife out of the trunk and said "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to crawl over to that rock and perform the deed."

"Gadzooks, man!" yelled Hsu. "You can't do that here! This is a national monument!"

"Relax, we're trying our best to make a decent game." said Chan. "We're not going to cut corners just to save a buck. Who do you think we are? EA?"

"I suppose I'll wait and see." said Sushi X.

XXXXXXXXXX

Danny walked over to Team Banzai. "Okay, you guys did okay with the terms of your restrictions." he said. "Brock says he's willing to negotiate with you for next year."

"Thank you, Mr. McCoy." said Buckaroo.

"Uh, just one thing." said Sydney as he held up his leg and showed off the anklet.

"Oh, of course." said Danny. He took out a key and said "Your restriction has been lifted."

He inserted the key and tried to turn it, but it wouldn't turn.

"What's taking so long?" asked Perfect Tommy.

"It doesn't want to turn." groaned Danny.

Buckaroo took a look at it. "Uh oh." he said. "I think the use of the Hyperthruster caused the locking mechanism to fuse solid. I think we're going to have to get the power saw."

"Very funny, Buckaroo." said Sydney as Buckaroo and Danny walked away. "You're kidding, right?"

No answer.

"Right?" asked Sydney.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Here he comes." said Tanner.

"This him?" asked Nash as he and Joe led Denis Leary to Tanner and Chip.

Denis marched over to them. "Yeah, that's the guy." he said.

"What's the deal here?" asked Chip as he leaned on a lime green Le Mans with custom rims, square hood vents, an upturned exhaust, and a body-colored spoiler.

"This is the asshole who stole my car, the Clover." said Denis.

"Um, actually." said Tanner. "I was working undercover and your car was required for the operation."

"To show our appreciation, I thought I'd show you these." said Chip as he handed a few pictures to Denis.

Denis looked at the pictures. The first showed the Clover. The second showed the car being stripped of paint. The third showed new rims being added. The fourth showed a pair of square vents being grafted into the hood. The fifth showed the upturned exhaust and new spoiler being attached. The sixth showed the car while it was being painted lime green. The seventh was the finished product, right next to them in real life.

Denis looked at the car right next to him and stared in shock. "No way." he said.

"Congratulations, you've just gotten yourself a new ride." said Chip.

"Wow." said Denis. "This is very nice. Good job."

"Maybe we'll do your car next, Nashman." said Chip.

Nash patted him on the shoulder and said "Don't even think about it, bubba."

XXXXXXXXXX

Mario, Sonic, and their teams sat together.

"You know, as much as we dislike each other," said Sonic "we work well together. Maybe we should try forming a team next year."

"You mean team up?" asked Mario. "'Ey, I think we can make a team like that."

"I don't even know why we continue this rivalry." said Luigi.

"Console war is over between Nintendo and Sega." said Knuckles. "You won."

"Great." said Mario. "We'll form a new team next year."

"We'll form the best team next year." said Sonic.

"And you'll be seeing us again next year as well." said Jessie as she and Team Rocket walked over.

"So, you weren't banned?" asked Link.

"No, they realized that Giovanni wasn't working on our behalf." said James.

"So, where were you just now?" asked Tails.

"Just doing something with Giovanni's van." said Meowth.

Earlier, the van was fed through an auto shredder like the Sabre was. Team Rocket stood by the entrance while the van exploded in the shredder behind them.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are here with the winners of the Cannonball Run." said Phil. "Please welcome Tommy Vercetti and Max Payne. So tell me, guys. How does it feel to win such a major event like this one?"

"Absolutely wonderful." said Tommy. "I think this win will allow me to calm down a little. A little, mind you."

"After all I have been through," said Max "this takes some of my pain away. I'd like to thank the others for making this a challenge worth earning."

"Max said 'after all he's been through.'" said Phil. "Tommy, you took some injury in the battle in Vermont. Does this make up for that?"

"Well, the fact that I had destroyed the one who inflicted the injury made up for it." said Tommy. "On the other hand, this is a reward for all of the endurance and skill I managed to muster."

"This was an incredible journey and I had some fun." said Max.

"First to finish the qualifying run and now first to cross the finish line." said Phil. "How does it feel to score two victories in a row?"

"Amazing." said Max. "I thought I didn't have that much of a chance since I won already. I guess I didn't consider myself that lucky."

"Hey, guess what?" said Tommy. "You are that lucky. Just because someone took away what was important doesn't mean you can't claw your way back. And you just did."

"Very well, Mr. Vercetti." said Max. "I will take your advice and enjoy my victory."

"Okay, over to you, Dave." said Phil.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I'm here with our second place finishers, Super Dave Osbourne and Fuji Akihito." said David. "So, how are you planning on spending your winnings this year?"

"Well, after we've paid off a lot of my past medical bills," said Super Dave "we plan on pulling the most sensational stunt we possibly can."

"That's right." said Fuji. "First, we're going to start off with a dash down a road while being fired upon by World War 2 Sherman tanks."

Super Dave looked at him in shock.

"Then, we are going to send him up a ramp only six inches wide." said Fuji. "That leads to a six inch wide bridge over a pool of acid."

Super Dave's eyes widened.

"After that, he rides through a tunnel filled with buzzsaws." said Fuji. "One mistake could result in mild dismemberment."

Super Dave dropped his jaw.

"Finally, we have him ride through the impact point of a fuel-air bomb." said Fuji. "What do you think, Super?"

Super Dave thought it over. "You know, I think I might just give it to charity or something." he said.

"Cool." said David. "Here we have Big Schwag and Frankie Whiteside with our third place finishers."

XXXXXXXXXX

"We are here with our third place finishers, Marcus and Regis Ellenstein." said Frankie. "Last year, they were in the employ of our adversaries. This year, they're full fledged Cannonballers and in the top ten winners."

"Thank you, Frankie." said Marcus as Regis took a sip of beer.

"Thish ish a grade pardy." slurred Regis.

"So, how does it feel to be famous instead of infamous?" asked Schwag.

"Absolutely fabulous." said Marcus.

"I still can't believe you managed to climb your way out of that canyon to claim third." said Frankie.

"And I still can't believe that little brat sent me into the river in the first place." said Marcus.

"Do you have any plans for your prize?" asked Schwag.

"We're gunna pay off my tab." slurred Regis.

"So, what are your plans for the future?" asked Frankie.

"Right now, we have an announcement to make." said Marcus. "Next year, we are coming back and entering the race again."

"Now, that sounds like great news." said Schwag.

"I have another announcement to make." slurred Regis. "WE'RE GOING STREAKING!!"

"Okay, and now for the rest of the top ten." said Schwag.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Idaho, Napoleon Dynamite walked down a sidewalk and looked at a television in a store window.

"In fourth place are the U62 team." announced Phil

Napoleon smiled.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Japan, K.T. drove his RX-7 through the mountains while listening to the radio.

"Fifth place goes to the MASK team." said David.

"That will be mine someday." said K.T. to himself.

XXXXXXXXXX

Outside of Darwin, the bartender at the roadhouse watched his television set while sweeping up the porch.

"Taking sixth are Lara Croft and her team." announced Frankie.

A road train drove by and the bartender heard "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."

XXXXXXXXXX

On Gilligan's Island, Gilligan, the Professor, and Mary Ann listened to the coverage on their radio.

"The seventh place finishers are Michael Knight and his team." announced Schwag.

"Couldn't we have taken the other bridge?" asked Gilligan.

"Too late now." said the Professor.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Argentina, two zombies watched the aftermath on television.

"In eighth place are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." announced Phil.

The zombies both let out a deep moan.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Antarctica, the former Xenomorph host watched from his hospital bed.

"Malcolm and his brothers managed to finish ninth." announced David.

The patient flashed a thumbs-up.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Africa, Kante sat back and watched the race on his cell phone.

"And rounding out the top ten are the Ghostbusters." announced Frankie.

"Nice." said Kante.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Transylvania, a radio in Dracula's castle was tuned to the report.

"And coming up right now, we have an announcement from Brock Yates." said Schwag.

Dracula's hand reached out of the floor and turned off the radio.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, Cannonballers." said Brock. "I'd like you to return to your cars for a minute. Your new parking diagram is on the chart."

The Cannonballers got into their cars and moved them around until they were all pointed at the stage.

"Okay, we've got one last performance for the evening." said J.J.

"And so, without further ado, the Cannonball band." said Victor.

Slash took to the stage and quickly got on his guitar. He was soon joined by Lenny Kravitz.

**All around the world,  
we could make time.  
Rompin' and a stompin'  
'cause I'm in my prime.**

**Born in the north,  
and sworn to entertain ya.  
'Cause I'm down,  
for the state of Pennsylvania.**

Blues Traveler took over with David Spade lip syncing the words.

**I try not to whine,  
but I must warn ya,  
about the** (David covered his mouth.) **girls,  
of California.**

**Alabama, baby.  
Said "Hallelujah.  
Good God, girl.  
I wish I knew ya.**

Better Than Ezra was up next.

**I know, I know for sure.  
That life is beautiful around the world.  
I know, I know it's you.  
You say "Hello" and then I say "I do".**

Slash got back on guitar. Just after that, Coldplay took the stage.

**Come back, baby.  
'Cause I'd like to say.  
I've been around the world,  
back from Bombay.**

**Fox hole love,  
pie in your face.  
Living in and out,  
of a big fat suitcase.**

L.L. Cool J took over from there with Schwag and Frankie doing a hip hop dance.

**Bonafide ride.  
Step aside my Johnson.  
Yes, I could.  
In the woods of Wisconsin.**

**Wake up the cake.  
It's a lake, she's kissing me.  
As they do when,  
they do in Sicily.**

Sheryl Crow took over after that with Brad Turner on synth.

**I know, I know for sure.  
That life is beautiful around the world.  
I know, I know it's you.  
You say "Hello" and then I say "I do".**

Slash played through the bridge, then Love Fist followed up.

**Where you want to go?  
Who you want to be?  
What you want to do?  
Just come with me.**

**I saw God,  
and I saw the fountains.  
You and me, girl,  
sitting in the Swiss Mountains.**

The Counting Crows got on stage next with Phil mimicking Adam's dance from the "Mr. Jones" video.

**Me O, my O.  
Me and Guy O.  
Freer than a bird,  
'Cause we're rockin' Ohio.**

**Around the world.  
I feel dutiful.  
Take a wife,  
because life is beautiful.**

Beck was onstage next.

**I know, I know for sure.**

He then mumbled his way through the gibberish part.

**I know, I know it's you.**

Again, he mumbled through the gibberish. Meat Loaf took over from there.

**Mother Russia, do not suffer.  
I know you're bold enough.  
I've been around the world,  
and I have seen your love.**

**I know, I know it's you.  
You say "Hello" and then I say "I do."**

-"Around the World" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Slash continued to play his guitar even after the singing stopped. Regis ran past in the background completely naked.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I don't think there's any better way to close out a party than with a Slash guitar solo!" said Phil.

"Yeah, I'm glad you agree because he doesn't look like he's going to stop playing anytime soon!" said David.

"In fact, he just might keep this party going all night, all week, or maybe even until the next Cannonball!" said Frankie.

"But there's no time for long parties, long hauls, and cops who just don't get it!" said Schwag. "There's cars to tune and routes to plot! The next Cannonball Run...is just...around...the bend!"

An aerial view showed the cars were parked in a "C" formation.

AN:And there you have it. I hope you had as much fun reading as I did writing.  
It doesn't end just yet. I still have the bonus materials to add in. I've also got plans to to a rewrite the story as a Special Edition.  
So, how did you like it? Please review.  
Thank you and good night.


	15. End Credits

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Credits Sequence featuring Team SOL.

The closing credits started to roll. A row of theater seats were silhouetted against the screen. So was Mike when he walked through carrying Tom. Crow was behind him.

"Well, we could have won." said Mike.

"Ah, best not to dwell on it." said Tom.

"Screw that." said Crow. "I wanted to win."

Mike set down Tom in a seat, then sat next to him. Crow sat on Mike's other side.

_Directed by R.J. Justin_

"Who's that?" asked Crow.

"Oh, he's some Australian guy." said Mike. "He also did that movie with that guy with the stuff that happened."

"Seen it." said Tom as the rock music started to play.

_"Weird Al" Yankovic as George Newman (UHF)  
Michael Richards as Stanley Spadowski (UHF)  
Gedde Watanabe as Kuni (UHF)  
Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes)  
Daffy Duck (Looney Tunes)  
Wile E. Coyote (Looney Tunes)_

"Sponsored by ACME!" said Crow.

_Hank Hill (King of the Hill)  
Bobby Hill (King of the Hill)  
Dale Gribble (King of the Hill)  
Bill Dauterive (King of the Hill)  
Boomhauer (King of the Hill)  
Jessie (Pokemon)  
James (Pokemon)_

"Jessie and James." said Mike. "Perfect names for bad guys."

"Why? Because those names are used by a lot of criminals?" asked Tom.

"No, because of Jesse James." said Mike.

_Meowth (Pokemon)  
Annie (Pokemon)  
Oakley (Pokemon)_

"And most criminals ride choppers?" asked Tom.

"No." said Mike. "Oh, just forget it!"

_"Stone Cold" Steve Austin  
Nemesis (Resident Evil 3: Nemesis)  
Rob Zombie_

"In your he-ead, in your he-ead!" sang Crow.

**Driving,  
riding,  
keep the throttle wide open.  
Pounding,  
hounding,  
feel the beating deep inside.**

_Kermit the Frog (Muppets)  
Fozzie Bear (Muppets)  
Gonzo the Great (Muppets)  
Animal (Muppets)  
Andrew MacCarthy as Larry Wilson (Weekend at Bernie's)  
Jonathan Silverman as Richard Parker (Weekend at Bernie's)  
Terry Kiser as Bernie Lomax (Weekend at Bernie's)_

"Yeah, Bernie put in a lively performance." said Tom.

_Hsu Tanaka (Electronic Gaming Monthly)  
Chan Tanaka (Electronic Gaming Monthly)  
Sushi X (Electronic Gaming Monthly)  
Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)  
Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark)  
Chun Li (Street Fighter 2)  
Cate Archer (The Operative: No One Lives Forever)_

"No one lives forever?" asked Mike. "We'll see about that!"

_Drew Barrymore as Dylan Sanders (Charlie's Angels)  
Lucy Liu as Alex Munday (Charlie's Angels)  
Cameron Diaz as Natalie Cook (Charlie's Angels)  
Mike Myers as Wayne Campbell (Wayne's World)  
Dana Carvey as Garth Algar (Wayne's World)_

**Flag goes up,  
you get down.  
Beat the lights,  
hear the sound.  
Turbo charge,  
let it flow.  
Hold on tight,  
and don't let go.**

"Wouldn't it be smarter to wear a seatbelt?" asked Crow.

_Freddie Prinze Jr. as Freddie Jones (Scooby Doo)  
Sarah Michelle Gellar as Daphne Blake (Scooby Doo) and Buffy Summers (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)  
Linda Cardellini as Velma Dinkley (Scooby Doo)  
Matthew Lillard as Norville "Shaggy" Rogers (Scooby Doo)  
Scooby Doo (Scooby Doo)  
Artemis Fowl (Artemis Fowl)  
Butler (Artmeis Fowl)  
Zach Braff as Dr. John "JD" Dorian (Scrubs)  
Mel Gibson as Mad Max Rockatansky (Mad Max)  
Sam J. Jones as Highway (The Highwayman)_

"Well, I'm glad they found someone to play the highway." said Tom. "Otherwise, there wouldn't be a movie."

_Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Michaelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Ted Danson as Sam Malone (Cheers)  
Woody Harrelson as Woody Boyd (Cheers)  
John Ratzenberger as Cliff Clavin (Cheers)  
George Wendt as Norm Peterson (Cheers)_

"Norm!" called out all three.

**Burning wheels of fire.  
Racing to the wire.  
Bring the glory down to you.**

"I suppose that's better than bringing a bookcase down on you." said Crow.

_Michael J. Nelson as Mike Nelson (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Gypsy (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Tom Servo (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Crow T. Robot (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)  
Nicholas Brendan as Xander Harris (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)  
Nicolas Cage as Randall "Memphis" Raines (Gone In Sixty Seconds)  
Vin Diesel as Dominic Toretto (The Fast and the Furious)  
Jesse James (Monster Garage)_

"The outlaw Jesse James." said Tom. A couple of seconds later, he burst out laughing and said "Oh, I get it! Jesse James!"

_Beavis (Beavis and Butthead)  
Butthead (Beavis and Butthead)  
Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)  
Marge Simpson (The Simpsons)  
Bart Simpson (The Simpsons)  
Lisa Simpson (The Simpsons)_

"Come down to St. Paul Hyundai and lease a Simpson." said Mike.

_Maggie Simpson (The Simpsons)  
Derek Luke as Jaleel "The Kid" (Biker Boyz)  
Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt (Mission: Impossible)  
Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)  
Peter Weller as Buckaroo Banzai (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)_

**Burning,  
turning,  
screaming down the quarter mile.**

"I live my life a quarter mile at a time." said Tom.

**Racing,  
chasing,  
put the pressure on the dial.**

_Lewis Smith as Perfect Tommy (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)  
Jeff Goldblum as Sydney "New Jersey" Zweibel (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)  
Jason Statham as Marcus (CR4 by Turbo Man)  
Will Ferrell as Regis (CR4 by Turbo Man)  
Matt Trakker (MASK)  
Bruce Sato (MASK)  
Gloria Baker (MASK)_

"I thought Team MASK was sssssssmokin'!" said Crow.

_Bernard Bernoulli (Maniac Mansion)  
Ben (Full Throttle)  
Sam (Sam and Max)  
Max (Sam and Max)  
Corvax (Muzzy)  
Robert Patrick as the T-1000 (Terminator 2: Judgement Day)  
Kristanna Loken as the T-X (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines)  
Bob Einstein as Super Dave Osbourne (Super Dave)  
Art Irizawa as Fuji Akihito (Super Dave)  
Frankie Muniz as Malcolm (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Justin Berfield as Reese (Malcolm in the Middle)_

**Nitro burn,  
keep it clean.  
Down the straight,  
like a dream.  
In your machine,  
speed machine.**

_Christopher Kennedy Masterson as Francis (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Martin Henderson as Cary Ford (Torque)  
Ashton Kutcher as Jesse Richmond (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Seann William Scott as Chester Greenburg (Dude, Where's My Car?)_

"Dude, where's my car?" asked Mike. "I dunno. Did you look under the sofa cushions?"

_Pierce Brosnan as James Bond (Die Another Day)  
Richard Kiel as Jaws (The Spy Who Loved Me)  
Bill Murray as Peter Venkman (Ghostbusters)  
Ernie Hudson as Winston Zeddmore (Ghostbusters)  
Rick Moranis as Louis Tully (Ghostbusters)  
Don Johnson as Nash Bridges (Nash Bridges)  
Cheech Marin as Joe Dominguez (Nash Bridges)_

"Hey, Cheech-man." said Crow in a Tommy Chong voice.

_Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk (Monk)  
Will Smith as Agent J (Men In Black)  
Tommy Lee Jones as Agent K (Men In Black)  
David Duchovny as Agent Fox Mulder (The X-Files)  
Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog)  
Miles "Tails" Prower (Sonic the Hedgehog)  
Knuckles the Echidna (Sonic the Hedgehog)_

**Burning wheels of fire.  
Racing to the wire.  
Bring the glory down to you.**

_Michael T. Weiss as Jarod (The Pretender)_

"Got brass...in pocket." sang Tom.

_Johnny Five (Short Circuit)  
Mario (Super Mario Brothers)  
Luigi (Super Mario Brothers)  
Link (The Legend of Zelda)  
David Hasselhoff as Michael Knight (Knight Rider)  
KITT (Knight Rider)  
Mr. T as B.A. Baracus (The A-Team)  
Dwight Schultz as "Howling Mad" Murdock (The A-Team)_

"I love it when a plan comes together." said Mike.

"No George Peppard." whispered Tom.

"Oh." said Mike.

_Wario (Super Mario Land 2)  
Waluigi (Mario Tennis)  
Bowser (Super Mario Brothers)  
Takeshi Kaga as Chairman Kaga (Iron Chef)  
Chen Kenichi (Iron Chef)  
Masahiko Kobe (Iron Chef)  
Tommy Vercetti (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)  
Max Payne (Max Payne)_

"Max Payne, what a cool name." said Crow.

"And oddly enough, his parents were expecting a girl." said Mike.

_Brad Pitt as Lone Wolf (original character created by Turbo Man)  
Steve Guttenberg as Carey Mahoney (Police Academy)_

**Grinding,  
winding,  
drop the clutch and let her fly.  
Speeding,  
leading,  
feel the seconds ticking by.**

_Michael Winslow as Larvell Jones (Police Academy)  
Chuck Norris as Cordell Walker (Walker, Texas Ranger)_

"I heard Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open." said Tom.

"I heard there's no 'Ctrl' key on Chuck Norris' computer." said Mike. "That's because he's always in control."

"I heard Chuck Norris counted to infinity...twice." said Crow.

_Bubba Smith as Moses Hightower (Police Academy)  
Patrick Warburton as Eugene Tackleberry (David Graf actually played "Tack" in the Police Academy films, but sadly, he is no longer with us)  
Art Hindle as Flash (Speed Zone)  
Marion Ramsey as Laverne Hooks (Police Academy)  
Bruce Mahler as Douglas Fackler (Police Academy)  
Bobcat Goldthwait as Zed (Police Academy)_

_with  
Burt Reynolds as J.J. McClure (Cannonball Run)  
Dom Deluise as Victor Prinsi (Cannonball Run)  
Brock Yates  
__Jack Nicholson as Mr. X (CR3 by Charles Xavier)_

"Wait'll they get a load of me." said Crow.

"Heeeere's Johnny!" said Tom.

"Sell crazy somewhere else." said Crow. "We're all stocked up here."

"Hey, what did you think, Mike?" asked Tom.

_Phil Keoghan (The Amazing Race)  
The Big Schwag (Monster Garage)  
Frankie Whiteside (Monster Garage)  
David Spade_

"You want the truth?" asked Mike.

"Sure." said Crow.

"You can't handle the truth!" said Mike.

**Beat the clock,  
take your turn.  
Feel the heat,  
start the burn.  
Hit the gas,  
hear the roar.  
Kick the pedal,  
to the floor.**

_Beck  
Better Than Ezra_

"I wonder if Ezra sued these guys for slander yet." said Tom.

_Blues Traveller  
Coldplay  
Counting Crows  
Sheryl Crow_

"Hey, it's Sheryl ME." said Crow.

_Lenny Kravitz  
LL Cool J  
Love Fist (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)  
Meat Loaf  
Slash  
Brad Turner (MASK)  
Josh Duhamel as Danny McCoy (Las Vegas)  
Marsha Thomason as Nessa Holt(Las Vegas)  
Mary Lynn Rajskub as Chloe O'Brian (24)  
David Carradine as Sherriff Cooper DeVille (original by Turbo Man)  
Mykelti Williamson as Bobby "Fearless" Smith (Boomtown)  
Donnie Wahlberg as Joel Stevens (Boomtown)_

**Burning wheels of fire.  
Racing to the wire.  
Bring the glory down to you.**

"Ah, forget bringing the glory down to me." said Mike. "I'll go up and get it myself."

**Burning wheels of fire.  
Racing to the wire.  
Bring the glory down to you.**

-"Burning Wheels" by Saxon.

Another song began.

_Joe Pantoliano as Jimmy "Dr. Feelgood" DeMarco (original by Turbo Man)  
Glenn Close as Commander Alice Foyt (Cannonball Run 3: World Tour by Charles Xavier)_

"What was her name again?" asked Tom.

"Foyt!" said Mike and Crow.

"Ah." said Tom.

_Eric Etebari as Darden/"Fabio" (2 Fast 2 Furious)  
John Cenatiempo as Korpi/"Fonzie" (2 Fast 2 Furious)  
Troy Brown as Paul Hackett (2 Fast 2 Furious)  
Corey Eubanks as Max Campisi (2 Fast 2 Furious)  
Sam Maloof as Joe Osbourne (2 Fast 2 Furious)  
Troy Robinson as Feliz Vispone (2 Fast 2 Furious)  
Master P as Johnny B (Gone in Sixty Seconds)  
Reggie Lee as Lance Nguyen (The Fast and the Furious)  
Tanner (Driver)  
Dan Aykroyd as Capt. Tom Everett (Caddyshack 2) and Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)  
Mitzi Martin as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Nichole Hiltz as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Linda Kim as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Mia Trudeau as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Kim Marie Johnson as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Ray Park as the Warrior (original character created by Turbo Man)_

"Shooting out the walls of heartache. Bang! Bang!" sang Crow.

_featuring  
April O'Neil (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Richard Sanders as Les Nessman (WKRP In Cincinatti)  
Andy Dick as Matthew Brock (Newsradio)  
Fran Drescher as Pamela Finkelstein (UHF)  
David Bowe as Bob (UHF)  
The Road Runner (Looney Tunes)  
Giovanni (Pokemon)_

**Jesse rides through the night.  
Under the Main Street light.  
Ridin' slow.**

_Dr. Bunsen Honeydew (Muppets)  
Beaker (Muppets)  
John Forsythe as voice of Charlie (Charlie's Angels)_

"Wait, I didn't see John Forsythe in the film." said Tom.

_Sarah Chalke as Elliot Reed (Scrubs)  
Donald Faison as Christopher Turk (Scrubs)  
Judy Reyes as Carla Espinosa (Scrubs)  
John C. McGinley as Dr. Perry Cox (Scrubs)  
Neil Flynn as the janitor (Scrubs)  
Bruce Spence as the Gyro Captain (Mad Max 2:The Road Warrior)  
Mark "Jacko" Jackson as Jetto (The Highwayman)  
Mason Strong (Roadkill)  
Spike (Roadkill)  
Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Rhea Perlman as Carla Tortelli (Cheers)  
Mary Jo Pehl as Pearl Forrester (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)_

All three of them booed.

_Bill Corbett as the Observer/"Brain-Guy" (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Kevin Murphy as Professor Bobo (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Joel Hodgson as Joel Robinson (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)  
Mr. Van Dreisen (Beavis and Butthead)  
Squeaky-Voiced Teenager (The Simpsons)  
Apu (The Simpsons)  
Chief Clancy Wiggum (The Simpsons)  
Principal Seymour Skinner (The Simpsons)  
Edna Krabappel (The Simpsons)  
Snake (The Simpsons)  
Comic Book Guy (The Simpsons)  
Nelson Muntz (The Simpsons)  
Lawrence Fishburne as Smoke (Biker Boyz)  
Dr. Fred Edison (Maniac Mansion)_

**This old town ain't the same.  
Now, nobody knows his name.  
Times have changed, still he rides.**

"Maybe he's lost." said Crow.

_Glottis (Grim Fandango)  
Erik Per Sullivan as Dewey (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Harold Ramis as Egon Spengler (Ghostbusters)  
John Cleese as R (Die Another Day)  
Earl Boen as Dr. Peter Silberman (The Terminator)  
Makoto (Midnight Club 2)  
Ichiro (Midnight Club 2)  
Nikko (Midnight Club 2)  
Hiroyuki Sakai (Iron Chef)  
Masaharu Morimoto (Iron Chef)  
Shadoe Stevens  
Tim Matheson as Jack O'Neil (Speed Zone)  
Mimi Kuzyk as Heather Scott (Speed Zone)  
Jason Bateman as Michael Bluth (Arrested Development)  
Will Arnett as George Oscar "Gob" Bluth (Arrested Development)_

"Mr. Wendall, yeah." sang Mike.

_Jane Kaczmarek as Lois (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Bryan Cranston as Hal (Malcolm in the Middle)  
Wildcat (Tale Spin)  
Chad Lindberg as Jesse (The Fast and the Furious)  
Jude Law as Sky Captain (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)  
Giovanni Ribisi as Dex Dearborn (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)  
Queen Latifah as Belle (Taxi)  
Jimmy Fallon as Andy Washburn (Taxi)  
James Best as Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane (The Dukes of Hazzard)_

"Most of these guys were good, but James was best." said Tom.

_Jimbo Jones (The Simpsons)  
Dolph (The Simpsons)  
Kearney (The Simpsons)  
Mike Henry as Junior (Smokey and the Bandit)_

**Traffic lights, keeping time.  
Leading the wild and restless,  
through the night.**

_Greg Evigan as B.J. McKay (B.J. and the Bear)  
Jon Heder as Napoleon Dynamite (Napoleon Dynamite)  
Kelsey Grammer as Frasier Crane (Frasier)  
Peri Gilpin as Roz Doyle (Frasier)  
Pepe Serna as Reno Nevada (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)_

"Wait, the race didn't go through Reno." said Crow. "Why are they even crediting him."

_Keisuke Takahashi (Initial D)  
Athrun Zala (Gundam Seed)  
Nicol Amalfi (Gundam Seed)  
Dearka Elsman (Gundam Seed)  
Yzak Joule (Gundam Seed)  
Jodi Ann Paterson as Giant Woman (Dude, Where's My Car)  
Udo Kier as Yuri (Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2)  
Kari Wurher as Tanya Adams (Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2)  
Cam Jones (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)  
Paul Hogan as Mick "Crocodile" Dundee (Crocodile Dundee)  
Steve Irwin (The Crocodile Hunter) (R.I.P.)  
Richard Dean Anderson as MacGyver (MacGyver)_

"MacGyver made a Jeep out of his script." said Mike.

_Hugo Weaving as "Big Donnie" Canaglio (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)  
Dominic Purcell as Alex (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)  
Anthony Simcoe as Rocco (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)  
Kane Hodder as Jason Voorhees (Friday the Thirteenth)  
Andrew Bryniarski as Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre)  
Brad Loree as Michael Myers (Halloween)  
Jonathan Breck as the Creeper (Jeepers Creepers)  
The Tasmanian Devil (Looney Tunes)  
Jacqueline McKenzie as Diana Skouris (The 4400)  
Conchita Campbell as Maia Rutledge (The 4400)  
Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl)_

**Still they ride, on wheels of fire.  
They rule the night.  
Still they ride, the strong will survive.  
Chasing thunder.**

_Moe Szyslak (The Simpsons)  
Bob Denver as Gilligan (Gilligan's Island) (R.I.P)  
Russell Johnson as Professor Roy Hinckley (Gilligan's Island)_

"The Professor's trailer was made completely from coconuts." said Tom.

_Dawn Wells as Mary Ann Summers (Gilligan's Island)  
David Caruso as Horatio Caine (CSI: Miami)  
Alex Rodriguez as Eric Delko (CSI: Miami)  
Jeff Perry as Harvey Leek (Nash Bridges)  
Cress Williams as Antwon Babcock (Nash Bridges)  
Carl Lumbly as John Parker (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)  
Laura Harris as Marybeth (The Faculty)  
Josh Hartnett as Zeke Tyler (The Faculty)  
Blanka (Street Fighter 2)  
Chip Foose_

"Ah, Chip Foose." said Crow. "You know, he invented Fooseball."

"I did not know that." said Tom.

_Stalker (G.I.Joe)  
Gung Ho (G.I.Joe)  
Roadblock (G.I.Joe)  
Snake-Eyes (G.I.Joe)  
Steve "Tombstone" Stearle (Monster Garage)  
Chris "Body Drop" Artiaga (Monster Garage)  
Ian Whyte as the Predator (Alien vs. Predator)  
Tom Woodruff Jr. as the Alien (Alien vs. Predator)  
Vernon Fenwick (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)  
Christine (Christine)_

"Christine's cousin is a Dodge Omni." said Mike.

_Richard Roundtree as Officer Kante (original by Turbo Man)  
Ron Perlman as Hellboy (Hellboy)  
Selma Blair as Liz Sherman (Hellboy)  
Doug Jones as Abe Sapien (Hellboy)_

**Spinning 'round, in a spell.  
It's hard to leave this carousel.  
'Round and 'round,  
and 'round and 'round.**

"And round and round and round..." said Crow.

_David Hyde Pierce as Voice of Abe Sabien (Hellboy)  
Ladislav Beran as Karl Ruprecht Kroenen (Hellboy)  
Tracy Morgan as Brian Fellow (Saturday Night Live)  
Gerard Butler as Dracula (Dracula 2000)  
Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing (Van Helsing)  
Shuler Hensley as Frankenstein's Monster (Van Helsing)  
John Raimi (Geist)  
Brendan Fehr as Stuntman (Biker Boyz)  
Larenz Tate as Wood (Biker Boyz)_

"Huh huh. Wood." said Tom.

_Rick Gonzalez as Primo (Biker Boyz)  
Dante Baco as Philly (Biker Boyz)  
Dion Basco as Flip (Biker Boyz)  
Monet Mazur as Shane (Torque)  
Jay Hernandez as Dalton (Torque)  
Will Yun Lee as Val (Torque)  
Denis Leary William Sanderson as Larry (Newhart)  
Tony Papenfuss as First Darryl (Newhart)  
John Voldstad as Second Darryl (Newhart)  
Vinnie Jones as the Sphinx (Gone In Sixty Seconds)  
Slimer (Ghostbusters)  
worm aliens (Men In Black)  
Dietrich Bader as Rex (Napoleon Dynamite)  
Phil Cassidy (Grand Theft Auto III)_

"Doesn't Phil have a song about him?" asked Mike.

"Oh yeah." said Tom. "It was the Pumpkins. 'Disarm' I believe."

_guest starring  
Nash Gorey (MASK)  
Johnny Sasaki (Metal Gear Solid)  
Carlos Bernard as Tony Almeida (24)_

**Still they ride, on wheels of fire.  
They rule the night.  
Still they ride, the strong will survive.  
Chasing thunder.**

-"Still They Ride" by Journey.

"Well, that was nice." said Mike.

"Yeah, pretty cool." said Tom.

"Is it over?" asked Crow.

"Yeah, I guess." said Mike as he picked up Tom. "Let's go."

Mike carried Tom out of the theater and Crow followed.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Monument Valley...

"Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh." laughed Beavis while still staring at the "Elephant Butte" sign.

"Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh." laughed Butthead.

"Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh." laughed Beavis.

"Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh." laughed Butthead.

"Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh." laughed Beavis.

"Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh." laughed Butthead.


	16. Blooper Reel

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Blooper Reel

AN:Just a reminder we don't always get it right.

(Chapter one, Brock Yates on Town Talk)

"Okay, let's head for Boston and..." said George. "What's with the mask and cape, Stanley?"

"Da Da DAAAAAAAAHHHH!" called Stanley as Captain Chaos as he attempted to start the Super Taxi. Unfortunately, the engine wouldn't catch.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter four, Team Fugitive gets lost)

Johnny Five pulled alongside the convertible and Jarod rolled down his window.

"Excuse me." said Jarod. "Can you tell us how to get to St. Lucia?"

The teenager in the passenger seat turned to the driver and asked "What's St. Lucia?"

Everybody burst out laughing.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter three, Team SCUMM starts the race)

"Now, remember the first rule of Polecat racing." said Ben. He pulled the rearview off its mount and said "What's behind me is..." He tried to toss the mirror out of the sunroof, only to find it was closed.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter seven, Tom and Crow in quicksand)

"Well, darn." said Crow. "I guess there's only one option now."

Suddenly, Kevin Murphy climbed out of the quicksand wearing scuba gear and holding the Tom Servo puppet. "Time out, my regulator came apart." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter ten, coming up)

"Pretty soon, we'll have some more action to be shown." said Schwag.

"So, tell us, Phil." said Frankie. "What do we have to look forward to?"

The camera cut to Phil Keoghan. "Well, Frankie, we've got Dr. Bunsen Honeydew coming up to explain the possible routes through the continent." he said. "We've also got a man who will be explaining the various wildlife forms the racers might encounter."

The camera cut back to Schwag and Frankie. Frankie was rolling his eyes and hanging his tongue out.

"Thank you, Phil." said Schwag. "Right now, we've..." He started laughing.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter four, the Sabre is fed to the shredder)

"Bail out!" yelled Darden.

He and Korpi threw open their doors. Before they could jump out, the shredder suddenly broke down. Darden and Korpi sighed with relief.

By the entrance, Jesse, Dom, and Memphis held their poses. They heard nothing.

"Isn't there supposed to be an explosion?" asked Memphis through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, where is it?" said Dom out of the side of his mouth.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter twelve, Super Dave visits the Bluths)

"Who knows? Maybe they'll face off with a little fireball!" said Gob.

He quickly whipped his hand towards Super Dave like he was throwing a fireball. However, it failed to ignite and Super Dave was sprayed with lighter fluid. Super Dave looked at Gob doubtingly.

"But where did the lighter fluid come from?" asked Gob.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter nine, April gets pulled over)

"Look, just give us your license and registration, please." said Joel.

"Okay." said April as she tried unzip her jumpsuit. "Uh, my zipper seems to be stuck."

"But it was working fine in rehersal." said Fearless.

"Okay, what's the deal?" asked the director.

"I'm not unzipping this thing!" said April. "It's flipping freezing out here!"

"I only need one take." said the director.

"Fine." said April. "But you're paying my medical bills if I get a cold."

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter six, Jason kidnaps George and Kuni)

Jason dragged Geroge and Kuni back to the trunk, stuffed them in, and closed it. He started to go to the driver's door when he stopped, looked around franticly, and patted down his pockets. He then walked back to the trunk, knocked on it, and said "Uh, excuse me! Do you have the keys?"

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter ten, Rockets in chains)

"All thanks to you, Meowth." said James as he got cuffed.

"I thought it was worth a try." said Meowth as the officer slapped the cuffs on him.

"And cut!" yelled the director. "That's a print!"

"Okay, I'll see you at the snack van." said Annie as she took off her cuffs. James, Oakley, and Meowth followed suit.

"Hey, I can't get these prop handcuffs off!" yelled Jessie as she tried in vain to get them off.

"Wait, these aren't prop handcuffs." said Kante. "They're real handcuffs."

James and Meowth started laughing.

"Knock it off!" yelled Jessie. "I'm gonna get you for this, you (CENSORED)!"

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter two, Super Dave's intro)

Super Dave pulled the ripcords. They both deployed.

"The parachutes have deployed." announced Super Dave. "I don't know what to do now."

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter eleven, the approach to Dracula's castle)

The Crown Mail, Torrida, and PT Phoenix raced down a hill and turned onto the bridge to Dracula's castle. The Torrida brushed against a signpost and the spoiler fell off. Buffy drove past the camera while covering her face and laughing.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter five, the convoy)

"Let's form a convoy." said Cary Ford. "Twenty something pairs of eyes to look for enemies are sure to be better than two."

"There!" said Nash who then struggled to remember his next line. "Have you driven a Ford lately? That was wrong."

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter eight, Richard and Larry)

"First, I get high, then we get kidnapped!" said Richard as he drove. "This race is driving me nuts."

Bernie reached up and rubbed his nose.

"Richard, I think you should try to relax." said Larry before he realized what Bernie had just done.

Larry and Richard turned around and looked at Bernie. "What?" he asked.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter six, Butthead warns Beavis)

"How was I?" asked Beavis.

"You did good, Beavis." said Butthead as Nicholas Brendan walked by in the background. "But if you ever do anything that stupid again, I'm gonna kick your ass."

"Uh, Nicholas?" said the director. "What are you doing here?"

Nicholas realized he was on camera and ran off.

"Sorry, guys." said the director. "We have to start again."

"Uh, okay." said Butthead.

"And ACTION!" said the director.

"How was I?" asked Beavis.

"You did good, Beavis." said Butthead. "But if you ever do anything that stupid again, I'm gonna kick your..."

Beavis cut him off with a kick to the crotch. Butthead dropped to the ground holding his 'nads.

"Beavis!" yelled the director. "Why did you do that?"

"He said he was gonna kick my ass!" said Beavis.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter nine, Love Fist performs "Dr. Feelgood".)

Love Fist started to play through the opening to the song. Some time later, before Jezz started to sing...

**On a Monday, I am waiting.  
Tuesday, I am fading.  
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep.**

The members of Love Fist stopped playing and Jezz yelled "Where did you get that?"

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter four, Team U62 is lost on Dodge Island)

The Super Taxi was driving down a sidestreet.

"Kramer, are you sure you know...that your name is actually Stanley?" asked George.

The folks in the taxi cracked up laughing.

"Let's try that again." laughed George.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter twelve, Donatello deals out)

"Hey, Donnie, whatcha got?" asked Memphis.

"I got a little alternator." sang Donatello as he handed him an alternator. "I got a little whatever-this-is." he sang as he took out the carburetor.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter seven, Monk smashes the light)

"No, the other one." said Monk. "The Maglite."

Joe handed the Maglite to Monk.

"Thank you." said Monk. He turned and swung the Maglite at the amber light. He glanced off of it without breaking it.

(take 2)

"Thank you." said Monk. He turned and swung the Maglite at the amber light. He missed.

(take 3)

"Thank you." said Monk. He turned and swung the Maglite at the amber light. He hit it, but it didn't break.

(take 4)

"Thank you." said Monk. He turned and swung the Maglite at the amber light. It slipped out of his hand and flew over the car.

"I got it." said Joe.

(take 5)

"No, the other one." said Monk. "The maggot...Maglite."

Joe cracked up laughing.

"I'm going to use it to beat myself." said Monk.

(take 6)

"Thank you." said Monk. He turned and swung the Maglite at the amber light. He hit it, the light didn't break, and the force knocked the flashlight out of his hand. He walked away groaning.

(take 7)

"No, the other one." said Monk. "The Maglite."

Joe handed the Maglite to Monk. He dropped it and screamed.

(take 8)

"Thank you." said Monk. He turned and swung the Maglite at the amber light. He missed and stumbled. He shook his hands in the air and gritted his teeth.

(take 9)

"Thank you." said Monk. He turned and swung the Maglite at the amber light. This time, he smashed it. He and Joe cheered and laughed. After they composed themselves, he handed the Maglite back to Joe and said "You'll thank me later."

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter three, Marcus and Regis start the race.)

"In the L.A. Cop Car, Marcus Ellenstein." said David Spade.

Marcus did a burnout. A second later, the rear tire blew.

"Oh, nice one!" yelled Regis as he climbed out of the car.

"You're the one who was responsible for the tires!" yelled Marcus as he climbed out.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter fourteen, Lone Wolf reaches the finish.)

Lone Wolf came racing up on the Nousagi. He did a wheelie and tried to bring it to a halt a few feet later. Instead, he fell over an rolled several feet. Brock, Mr. X, and Meat Loaf ran over to him.

"Hey, are you alright?" asked Brock.

Lone Wolf looked up at Meat Loaf and yelled "His name is Robert Paulson! His name is Robert Paulson!"

Raphael walked over and asked "Why does that name sound familiar?"

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter five, Yuri's fortress)

"Welcome to my fortress, Cannonballers." said Yuri. "I hope you enjoy your stay..."

He was interupted when a studio tram rolled through the fort.

"On your right, you can see the sci-fi fortress set." said the tour guide as most of the actors started to crack up. "They appear to be filming a...I think we just made the blooper reel."

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter twelve, Nash and Mitzi find the cabin)

"This is it." said Mitzi. "This is the cabin where he took us and..."

They noticed a black garbage bag next to the cabin which was moving around and shaking.

"Hold on." said Nash. He walked over to the bag and ripped it open. James and Meowth climbed out.

"What the hell are you guys doing in there?" asked Nash.

"Jessie stuck us in there because of all the stuff we did to her last year." said James.

"And I think those handcuffs played a part." said Meowth.

Nash and Joe turned and looked at Jessie, who had stepped into the clearing. She then turned and ran.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter two, Ethan and Snake's intro)

"There, I got it." said Ethan as he packed up his laptop and got into the car. In the background, a prop fell over and made a loud enough sound to ruin the take.

"It's not gonna...blow?" asked Snake.

"It's perfectly safe." said Ethan. "Come on."

Snake grabbed Ethan by his collar and held him against the Monstruo. "Listen!" he growled. "If you didn't disarm this thing correctly and it blows, everything we've ever done will have been completely meaningless! When you retrieved that list, when you stopped that virus, diddly-squat! Every frickin' time I defeated that damn Metal Gear? Absolute zilch! Therefore, you better damn well make sure you disarmed that thing!"

"I got it." squeaked Ethan.

XXXXXXXXXX

(above scene, next take)

"There, I got it." said Ethan as he packed up his laptop and got into the car.

"It's not gonna...blow?" asked Snake.

"It's perfectly safe." said Ethan. "Come on."

"Alright." said Snake.

"Is that it?" asked Ethan.

XXXXXXXXXX

(above scene, next take)

"There, I got it." said Ethan as he packed up his laptop and got into the car.

"It's not gonna...blow?" asked Snake.

"It's perfectly safe." said Ethan. "Come on."

"Alright." said Snake.

Ethan paused. "Is that it?" he asked. Snake went face-down on the car's roof, laughing.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Chapter thirteen, Mitzi and her girls are freed)

"She gave us assistance in the battle." said Mr. X. "We couldn't have won without her. We're going to negotiate for her release." He tried to remove the handcuffs, but couldn't.

"Okay, what's wrong this time?" he asked.

"That's payback for making fun of us in Australia." said Annie.

"That was in the script!" said Kim. "You should try reading it sometime!"

"What you did to Lone Wolf was also in the script!" said Jessie. "Consider this payback for that as well."

"Again with Lone Wolf?" yelled James.

"I _really_ lost control of this cast." groaned the director.

XXXXXXXXXX

(and back to chapter one)

Stanley continued his attempts to start the engine. Finally, he climbed out of the car and looked off into the distance.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Xenomorph and the Predator walked down the beach arm in arm.


	17. AlternateDeleted Scenes

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Alternate/Deleted Scenes

(chapter seven, Mike can't drive)

"D'oh." said Tom.

"Mike, you couldn't outdrive Stevie Wonder." said Crow.

XXXXXXXXXX

"D'oh." said Tom.

"Mike, you couldn't outdrive Jackson Pollock." said Crow.

XXXXXXXXXX

"D'oh." said Tom.

"Mike, you couldn't outdrive Eliseo Salazar." said Crow.

XXXXXXXXXX

"D'oh." said Tom.

"Mike, you couldn't outdrive Toonces." said Crow.

XXXXXXXXXX

"D'oh." said Tom.

"Mike, you couldn't outdrive Paris Hilton." said Crow.

XXXXXXXXXX

"D'oh." said Tom.

"Mike, you couldn't outdrive a senile ground sloth if the ground sloth were blindfolded and behind the wheel of a Pinto." said Crow.

"What?" asked Mike.

XXXXXXXXXX

(chapter eleven, dinner plans)

The Super Taxi drove across the bridge to Dublin. Stanley was driving.

"George, I'm getting hungry." said Stanley. "Can we get something to eat?"

"Yeah, we probably should." said George. "What about you, Kuni?"

"I'm not that hungry, but I could eat." said Kuni.

"So, what's in the mini-fridge?" asked Stanley.

"I know we've got some tuna." said George.

"That went bad a week ago." said Kuni.

"What about the chili?" asked George.

"You finished that yesterday." said Kuni.

"I don't know." said George. "Should we get something delivered?"

"Why would I wanna eat liver?" asked Stanley. "I don't even like liver."

"No, I said 'DElivered'." said George.

"I heard you say 'liver'." said Stanley.

"I should know what I said." said George.

"Whatever." said Stanley. "I just don't want any liver."

"Maybe we should go out somewhere." said George.

"Let me check." said Kuni as he picked up his Dublin travel guide. "How about The Commons?"

"I don't feel like getting all dressed up and eating expensive food." said George.

"How about Gotham Cafe?" asked Kuni.

"Nah, I'm not in the mood." said George.

"Burrito King would make me gassy, there's no doubt." said Stanley.

"Maybe we should forget about it." said Kuni.

"No, I swear I'm gonna take you out." said George. "Wait, I 've got an idea."

"What?" asked Kuni.

"Guess." said George.

"What?" asked Stanley.

"We're going to the drive-thru!" said George.

XXXXXXXXXX

(chapter three, cooking competition)

AN:In this alternate scene, Adrian Monk has been chosen as a judge instead of Buckaroo Banzai and Chen was chosen as the chef instead of Kobe.

"And finally, we have Adrian Monk." said Frankie. "A private detective and police consultant from San Francisco. Tell us, Adrian, how does it feel to be here?"

"It feels great." said Monk. "Back in San Francisco, we have our share of excellent restaurants. But here, I can experience some new tastes."

"What's your opinion of chef Kenichi?" asked Frankie.

"He seems very professional." said Monk as Chen stirred a pot of soup. "As I sit here and watch him, I..."

Monk froze when he saw Chen scoop up a ladle of soup, taste it, and stick it back in the pot.

"Mr. Monk?" said Frankie. "Mr. Monk?"

Just then, Michaelangelo walked over, dropped a pizza on the table and said "Tada!" Everyone stared at him in shock. "What? I thought this was a race." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

(chapter eleven, in line at the drive-thru)

After placing their order, Stanley and George pulled slowly up to the window.

George got a little bored, so he turned on the radio. "Black Dog" by Led Zeppelin was playing. George and Stanley started banging their heads in response and playing air guitar.

George looked over his shoulder and noticed Kuni holding his head. He then reached over and turned off the radio.

He and Stanley looked at each other and George said "Uh, I think you've got something in your teeth."

Stanley picked his teeth and asked "Did I get it?"

"Most of it, but don't worry about it." said George.

Stanley picked at his teeth a little more. "How about now?" he asked.

"Well, almost." said George. "There's still a little bit there, but it's probably just a piece of toast."

XXXXXXXXXX

(chapter thirteen, Buckaroo enters the fortress via the Eighth Dimension)

The SLF450X exited the Eighth Dimension into the basement of DeMarco's fortress. Buckaroo immediately got on the brakes and managed to stop within the basement. The doors opened and the crew climbed out.

"Where's your guy?" asked Syndey.

"Tony?" yelled Chloe. "Are you here?"

"Yes, I'm here!" yelled Tony as he walked from behind the vehicle. "You almost hit me when you came in!"

"I was not aware you would be here and I apologize." said Buckaroo.

"I swear you're gonna kill me one of these days!" said Tony.

XXXXXXXXXX

(chapter eleven, getting the food)

Stanley drove away from the pay window and up to the pickup window. Waiting there was a teenage boy wearing a nametag reading "Hello, my name is Eugene."

"Here's your food." he said as he handed a bag to George.

"Thanks." said George. "Say, could we get some ketchup for our fries?"

Eugene looked at him.

George looked back at Eugene.

Eugene looked at him.

George looked back at him.

Eugene looked at George.

George looked back at him.

"Sorry." said Eugene. "What did you want again?"

"Ketchup." said George.

"Oh yeah, that's right." said Eugene. "I just spaced out there for a second. I'm really kinda burnt tonight."

Eugene handed him the ketchup and they drove away.

XXXXXXXXXX

(chapter eight, Nash chews out Joe and Monk)

"Hey!" yelled Nash. "In case you didn't notice, we just got taken out of the race by the guy who's been attacking our fellow Cannonballers! That means there's one less level of protection between the racers and DeMarco's flunkies! They've held their own for now, but how much longer? This is not the time to argue over something trivial like a broken light! Now, both of you babies grow up or the next guy who opens his mouth is going over that railing!"

XXXXXXXXXX

(chapter ten, Tanner and Everett drive to U62)

Tanner drove the Mr. Whoopie through the desert. He leaned back in the seat and steered with his feet.

Everett hung out of the door while holding a water pistol and shooting road signs.

Tanner laid across the driver's seat and rolled over.

Everett sat in the footwell and looked dazed.

Tanner let the truck keep going while he hung out of the door.

XXXXXXXXXX

(chapter eleven, Marcus and Regis pull someone over)

"(Freeze!)" said Regis. "(Put your hands behind your head!)"

The crooks put their hands behind their head.

"(Stand on one leg!)" said Regis.

Both crooks stood on one leg.

"(Hop around and wiggle your arms like wings!)" said Regis.

Both crooks hopped around while wiggling their arms.

"(Crouch down and do a duck walk!)" said Regis.

Both crooks crouched down and tried to walk like that.

"(Stand back up and do a moon walk!)" said Regis.

Both crooks got back up and did a moon walk.

"(Kick each other in the back of the leg!)" said Regis.

One crook kicked his partner in the back of the leg, then the other did.

Marcus leaned over and whispered something into Regis' ear. "I'm not telling them to do that!" he whispered. Marcus held out his hands to the crooks. Regis reluctantly said "(Sing '99 Luftballoons'!)"

The crooks started to sing.

XXXXXXXXXX

(chapter fourteen, the final dash)

AN:These scenes come from the music montage. That's why there's no dialogue.

Mike Nelson raced through New Mexico in the Emu. As he drove, Joel drove alongside him on his recliner. He waved to Joel and Joel waved back. Joel then turned forward and started to gag. He retched a couple of times, then coughed up a fly. Mike looked on in disgust while Joel wiped off his tongue.

XXXXXXXXXX

Bugs, Daffy, and Wile E. stopped in Springfield to show off the Crusero. Several Springfielders oohed and ahhed over it. Just then, Jimbo ran over and pointed. In the direction he pointed was the Windsor which now featured a custom body kit, Lexani rims, and heavy-duty speakers mounted on the rear. Dolph and Kearney leaned on it and smiled.

XXXXXXXXXX

(chapter five, Lara tries her magic)

"We hope to recruit some of you or all of you to be soldiers in my grand army." said Yuri.

"Actually, we can't stay." said Lara. "We're currently on a little expedition." She started to unzip her jumpsuit with her right hand. "Just let me show you my credentials."

Suddenly, she zipped back up with her left hand. She unzipped with her right hand again, only to zip back up with her left hand again.

"I know these credentials you speak of." said Yuri. "And they are very nice. However, I would prefer not to allow my men to view them because I don't want them distracted. And by the way, that's just me controlling the right side of your brain. You should see how I do with the whole thing."

XXXXXXXXXX

(unused musical performances)

LL Cool J took to the stage with Better Than Ezra.

"A little shout out going to the Cannonballers!" said Kevin as he started to play. Tom and Travis joined in quickly. Then, LL started to sing.

**Like a four-fifty-four with a four on the floor,  
deuce coupe coming at ya. Avoiding the capture.  
Far from stock, I'm chopped and ready to rock.  
In the city of steel, catch me cruisin' down the block.**

**Whenever days are difficult, I'm out on my own.  
Drive an '86 Jetta, but I hope I could do better.  
But my car keeps me humble in the concrete jungle.  
Despite the wear and tear, it seems to always get me there.**

**Rebuilt the motor because she decided to blow.  
And what do you know? Someone stole my stereo.  
When it's time to go, I put my foot on the floor.  
Let the diesel do the work, I ain't complaining no more.**

**Highways and straightaways, off-roads and open roads.  
No matter where I go, I still be making the show.  
It's kinda like life and life treats you good.  
It's not what's on the outside, it's what's under the hood.**

**Put the pedal to the metal and I'm off and never getting lost.  
Which way will I turn when roads cross?  
Press the pedal to the metal little more when it's scary.  
But one thing for sure, keep my foot on the floor.**

**Put the pedal to the metal and I'm off and never getting lost.  
Which way will I turn when roads cross?  
Press the pedal to the metal little more when it's scary.  
But one thing for sure, keep my foot on the floor.**

**It doesn't matter what you drive, it's like you drive what you got.  
Discipline, you can win. Just let the tire spin.  
And begin the journey of life with each stride.  
Meet me on the other side. Let me know when you arrive.**

**Sometimes, we can live. Be sure that you're insured.  
Got a backup plan, and in with the program.  
Who I am doesn't reflect material wealth.  
My vehicle approaches. Stealth.**

**Put the pedal to the metal and I'm off and never getting lost.  
Which way will I turn when roads cross?  
Press the pedal to the metal little more when it's scary.  
But one thing for sure, keep my foot to the floor.**

Kevin took over singing for a second.

**Won't stop drivin' 'til it's over.  
Still be cruisin' when the sun goes down.  
Won't stop drivin' 'til it's over.  
Still be cruisin' when the sun goes down.**

LL got back on the mic.

**Put the pedal to the metal and I'm off and never getting lost.  
Which way will I turn when roads cross?  
Press the pedal to the metal little more when it's scary.  
But one thing for sure, keep my foot on the floor.**

**Put the pedal to the metal and I'm off and never getting lost.  
Which way will I turn when roads cross?  
Press the pedal to the metal little more when it's scary.  
But one thing for sure, keep my foot on the floor.**

**Put the pedal to the metal and I'm off.  
Put the pedal to the metal and I'm off.  
Pedal to the metal and I'm off.**

-"Pedal To The Metal" by Kazzer.

XXXXXXXXXX

Lenny Kravitz was on stage with Brad Turner. Lenny called out "I am!"

A drummer started pounding away. Lenny and Brad alternated strumming their guitars in a manner to simulate revving engines. Then, Lenny started to sing.

**You will recover when you discover, baby.  
There is no other when you recover, baby.**

**And when the mood is right,  
you'll get it every night.  
Go on and play it like,  
you're on the other side.**

**You're beautiful.  
It's all or me.  
You're beautiful.  
It's me.**

**I will. (I will)  
Let you. (Let you)  
I will let you down.**

**Into another, don't run for cover, baby.  
There is no other into another, baby.**

**And when the time is right,  
I got you in my sight.  
I'll reach into your life,  
and look around inside.**

**You're beautiful.  
It's all or me.  
You're beautiful.  
It's me.**

**I will. (I will)  
Let you. (Let you)  
I will let you down.**

**I will. (I will)  
Let you. (Let you)  
I will let you down.**

**You're beautiful.  
It's all or me.  
You're beautiful.  
It's me.**

**I will. (I will)  
Let you. (Let you)  
I will let you down.**

**I will. (I will)  
Let you. (Let you)  
I will let you down.**

**I will.  
Let you.  
I will.  
Let you.  
I will.  
Let you.  
I will.  
Let you.  
Down.**

-"RPM" by Sugar Ray.

XXXXXXXXXX

Meat Loaf was on stage with Sheryl Crow. He started to play on his guitar. When the entire band was playing, he started to sing.

**I remember every little thing,  
like it happened only yesterday.  
Parking by the lake,  
and there was not another car in sight.  
And I never had a girl,  
looking any better than you did.  
And all the kids at school,  
they were wishing they were me that night.**

**And now our bodies are oh so close and tight.  
It never felt so good, it never felt so right.  
And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife.  
Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife.  
C'mon. Hold on tight.  
C'mon. Hold on tight.**

They slowed down a little.

**Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night,  
I can see paradise by the dashboard light.**

The band picked it back up. Sheryl took over singing.

**Ain't no doubt about it,  
we were doubly blessed.  
'Cause we were barely seventeen,  
and we were barely dressed.**

**Ain't no doubt about it.  
Baby, got to go and shout it.  
Ain't no doubt about it,  
we were doubly blessed.**

Meat took over vocals again.

**'Cause we were barely seventeen,  
and we were barely dressed.**

**Baby, doncha hear my heart?  
You got it drowning out the radio.  
I've been waiting so long,  
for you to come along and have some fun.**

**And I gotta let you know.  
No, you're never gonna regret it.  
So, open up your eyes, I got a big surprise.  
It'll feel alright.  
Well, I wanna make your motor run.**

**And now our bodies are oh so close and tight.  
It never felt so good, it never felt so right.  
And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife.  
Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife.  
C'mon. Hold on tight.  
C'mon. Hold on tight.**

**Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night,  
I can see paradise by the dashboard light.  
Oh, it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night.  
Paradise by the dashboard light.**

**You got to do what you can,  
and let Mother Nature do the rest.  
Ain't no doubt about it,  
we were doubly blessed.  
'Cause we were barely seventeen,  
and we were barely...**

The band suddenly sped up.

**We're gonna go all the way tonight.  
We're gonna go all the way.  
Tonight's the night.**

**We're gonna go all the way tonight.  
We're gonna go all the way.  
Tonight's the night.**

**We're gonna go all the way tonight.  
We're gonna go all the way.  
Tonight's the night.**

**We're gonna go all the way tonight.  
We're gonna go all the way.  
Tonight's the night.**

Meat and Sheryl stepped back and just played. Big Schwag stepped in.

"Okay, here we go!" he said. "We got a real pressure cooker going here. Two down, nobody on, no score, bottom of the ninth.

"There's the wind-up, and there it is, a line shot up the middle. Look at him go! This boy can really fly!

"He's rounding first and really turning it on now. He's not letting up at all. He's gonna try for second. The ball is bobbled out in center and here comes the throw. And what a throw!

"He's gonna slide in head first. Here he comes, he's out! No, wait. Safe, safe at second base. This kid really makes things happen out there.

"Batter steps up to the plate. Here's the pitch. He's going and what a jump he's got! He's trying for third. Here's the throw. It's in the dirt, safe at third! Holy cow! Stolen base!

"He's taking a pretty big lead out there, almost daring him to try and pick him off. The pitcher glances over, winds up, and it's bunted. Bunted down the third base line, the suicide squeeze is on! Here he comes, squeeze play. It's gonna be close.

"Here's the throw, there's the play at the plate! You gotta be kidding me! I think he's gonna make it!"

Sheryl then got back into singing.

**Stop right there!  
I gotta know right now!  
Before we go any further!**

**Do you love me?  
Will you love me forever?  
Do you need me?  
Will you never leave me?**

**Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?  
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?**

**Do you love me?  
Will you love me forever?  
Do you need me?  
Will you never leave me?**

**Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?  
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?**

**I gotta know right now,  
before we go any further.  
Do you love me?  
Will you love me forever?**

Meat Loaf went back to singing.

**Let me sleep on it.  
Baby, baby, let me sleep on it.  
Let me sleep on it.  
I'll give you my answer in the morning.**

**Let me sleep on it.  
Baby, baby, let me sleep on it.  
Let me sleep on it.  
I'll give you my answer in the morning.**

**Let me sleep on it.  
Baby, baby, let me sleep on it.  
Let me sleep on it.  
I'll give you my answer in the morning.**

Sheryl took over singing again.

**I gotta know right now!**

**Do you love me?  
Will you love me forever?  
Do you need me?  
Will you never leave me?**

**Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?  
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?**

**I gotta know right now.  
Before we go any further.  
Do you love me?  
Will you love me forever?**

**What's it gonna be, boy?  
Come on.  
I can wait all night.**

**What's it gonna be, boy?  
Yes or no?  
What's it gonna be, boy?  
YES or NO?**

Meat went back to singing.

**Let me sleep on it.  
Baby, baby, let me sleep on it.  
Let me sleep on it.  
I'll give you an answer in the morning.**

Sheryl sang **I gotta know right now!  
Do you love me?**

Meat sang **Let me sleep on it.**

Sheryl sang **Will you love me forever?**

Meat sang **Baby, baby, let me sleep on it.**

Sheryl sang **Do you need me?  
Will you never leave me?**

Meat sang **Let me sleep on it.**

Sheryl sang **Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?**

Meat sang **Let me sleep on it.  
I'll give you my answer in the morning!  
Morning!  
I'll tell you in the morning!**

Sheryl sang **Will you take me away? Will you make me your wife?  
I gotta know right now.  
Before we go any further.  
Do you love me?  
Will you love me forever?**

Meat sang **Let me sleep on it.**

Sheryl sang **Will you love me forever?**

Meat sang **Let me sleep on it.**

Sheryl sang **Will you love me forever?**

Meat returned to main vocals.

**I couldn't take any longer.  
Lord, I was crazed.  
And when the feeling came upon me,  
like a tidal wave.  
I started swearing to my God and on my mother's grave,  
that I would love you 'til the end of time.  
I swore that I would love you 'til the time.**

**So, now I'm praying for the end of time,  
to hurry up and arrive.  
'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you,  
I don't think that I could really survive.**

**I'll never break my promise or forget my vow,  
but God only knows what I can do right now.  
I'm praying for the end of time.  
It's all that I can do.  
Praying for the end of time,  
so I can end my time with you.**

The band started to wind down.

**It was long ago and it was far away.  
And it was so much better than it is today.**

Sheryl took one last turn on vocals.

**It never felt so good.  
It never felt so right.  
And we were glowing like,  
the metal on the edge of a knife.**

-"Paradise By The Dashboard Light" by Meat Loaf.

XXXXXXXXXX

(chapter fourteen, alternate wins)

(Team Rocket wins. No, really.)

Jessie, James, Meowth, Annie, and Oakley ran out of the crowd and made their way to the finish.

They punched their time card in the clock and faced Phil.

"Team Rocket?" he said. "After seven continents, six weeks, and over one hundred thousand miles, you are the official winners of the Cannonball Run."

The members of Team Rocket all let out a loud cheer.

"I have to say this is a very unexpected victory for you." said Phil.

"Thank you." said Jessie. "Thank you."

The members of Team Rocket walked away.

"I can't believe we finally won this thing!" said James.

"It was bound to happen sometime." said Meowth.

"Just remember who joined this team this time." said Annie.

"Hey, look at those birds." said Oakley. "What kind of birds are those?"

Jessie looked up. "Those aren't birds!" she said. "Those are pigs!"

(Okay, this was more of an indication of Team Rocket's chances of winning than an actual possible win for them.)

XXXXXXXXXX

(Charlie's Angels/Wayne's World team wins)

Dylan, Natalie, Alex, Wayne, and Garth ran out of the crowd and made their way to the finish line.

"Oh no." said Phil.

"What's wrong?" asked Schwag.

"Look who it is." said Phil.

The team ran up to Phil and stopped.

"Dylan, Natalie, Alex, Wayne, and Garth," said Phil solemnly "you're the first team to arrive."

The team members started to cheer.

"Excellent!" yelled Wayne and Garth.

"Unfortunately," continued Phil "we have since discovered that the organization that runs the Cannonball also owns the television station that airs 'Wayne's World'. I'm sorry to tell you we have to disqualify you due to a conflict of interest."

"You idiots!" said Dylan.

"You just cost us the race!" said Alex.

"Sorry." said Wayne. "We didn't know that."

"After all we did, it all came to nothing." said Natalie.

"Don't worry, we can always try again next year." said Garth.

"Brock, can I have a word with you?" asked Mr. X.

"What? What's wrong?" asked Brock.

"Due to Wayne and Garth not being able to put on their show," said Mr. X "the television station in Aurora, Illinois suffered a severe downturn in ratings and were forced to close down as a result. Unfortunately, this has caused us a terrible financial blow and I'm afraid we'll be unable to run the Cannonball next year...or ever again."

"Oh, that's really horrible news." said Brock. "Well, I'll make the announcement to the racers. This is not going to go over well."

"This is so unbelievable!" said Dylan as she stormed off.

"No." said Wayne.

"This was a complete waste." said Natalie.

"Come on." said Wayne.

"Charlie is going to be mad." said Alex.

"Don't go." said Wayne. "Well, I guess it's just you and me, Garth."

Wayne turned to see Garth climbing over the fence at the lip of the canyon.

"Garth?" said Wayne. "Garth, no!"

Wayne ran over to get him, but Garth jumped into the canyon and landed with a loud crunch. Wayne ran over to the fence and looked in to see Garth's twisted corpse laying on a ledge thirty feet down.

"Garth!" yelled Wayne as laid his head down on the railing and cried.

Wayne rested his head on the rail and cried for a few seconds. Then, Garth walked over and said "Now, wasn't that just a really sucky way to end the story?"

"Right you are, Garth." said Wayne as he suddenly stopped crying and looked up. "Now, let's do the super ultra-happy ending."

They wiggled their fingers while chanting "Diddle-da. Diddle-da. Diddle-da."

XXXXXXXXXX

Dylan, Natalie, Alex, Wayne, and Garth ran up to the finish line.

"Team Angels," said Phil "after seven continents, you guys are the official winners of the Cannonball Run!"

Natalie screamed. Dylan and Alex high-fived each other. Wayne winked into the camera and said "Excellent."

"After a miracle finish like that, it's pretty good that there wasn't a conflict of interest or something." said Phil.

"You're right about that." said Garth.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Team Fowl wins)

Aretmis, Butler, and J.D. ran out of the crowd and made their way to the time clock.

"Artemis Fowl?" asked Phil. "Congratulations, you are now the official winners of the Cannonball Run."

"Yeah!" yelled J.D.

Butler laughed and Artemis rubbed his fingernails on his coat. "Was there any doubt?" he asked.

Hours later, the post-race party was in full swing. A race official ran up to them and said "Dr. Dorian, there's a man here to see you."

"Okay, I know what this is about." said J.D.

He walked over to the man. It turned out to be Dr. Cox.

"Why hello, Dr. Cox." said J.D. "As you can see, the team I was on has pulled off an amazing feat and taken the number one spot. So, I guess I'm not so incompetant after all."

"Yes, I see." said Dr. Cox. "Congratulations, Emily. By the way, your medical school called. Something about your student loans and a buttload of interest."

"Well, I've got money now, so I'll pay." said J.D.

"Hope you managed to get yourself a lot of cash because you'll recall the 'buttload of interest'." said Dr. Cox.

He handed a slip of paper to J.D. It said that the interest on J.D's student loans was eighty million dollars.

J.D. looked at Dr. Cox and thought "When is this daydream going to end?"

"By the way, Becky." said Dr. Cox. "This is not one of your daydreams. That is a real bill."

"Okay." said J.D. nervously.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Team MST3K wins...almost)

"Wait, someone's coming!" said Frankie.

The Emu raced down the access road.

"It's the Emu!" yelled Schwag. "Mike Nelson and Team Satellite of Love are heading for a win!"

"Mike, it's the finish line!" yelled Tom.

"We're first!" yelled Crow.

"Yay!" cheered Gypsy.

"We're going to win!" cheered Mike. "We're going to win!"

The Emu continued to race for the finish line.

"Ladies and gentlemen, get a good look at these guys!" said Frankie. "Say 'hello' to what looks to be the winners of the Cannonball Run!"

"They're here and ready to claim victory!" yelled Schwag. "Here they come! Here they come!"

The Emu raced up to the finish. But just as it was about to cross the finish line...

POP!

...and the car was gone.

"YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" bellowed Schwag.

"Schwag, what happened?!" yelled Frankie. "The Emu just vanished!"

Somewhere else, the Emu was embedded in a wall.

Mike pulled his face out of the deflating airbag and said "That's not exactly what I thought winning would feel like."

"Where's my head?" asked Tom as he looked for his gumball machine dome, which was missing.

"Mike, we're on the Satellite!" said Crow.

"What? How?" asked Mike as he looked around.

The Hexfield viewscreen opened. Pearl was on it. "Hello, Nelson, Crow, Ichabod Crane." she said. "Did you really think we wouldn't check the wreckage of the escape pod to see if we could salvage your remains? Nice try."

"Yeah, I thought so." said Mike.

"Anyway, we started looking for evidence as to where you might have gone." said Pearl. "We started to come up dry until Bobo started watching the Cannonball coverage and guess who we saw?"

"Ooh! Ooh! Us?" said Crow.

"That's correct." said Pearl. "We thought it would be funnier if we waited until you were just about to finish before bringing you home, so welcome back."

Mike rested his head on the steering wheel and cried.

"Oh, and to make sure you don't try that again, Brain Guy?" said Pearl.

The Observer concentrated on them. Suddenly, the Emu disappeared and Mike and the 'bots landed on the floor.

"I found my head!" said Tom.

XXXXXXXXXX

(Marcus and Regis win)

"Doesn't look like anyone's getting out of that soon." said Frankie.

"I can't believe you did that!" yelled Regis as he and Marcus trudged up the trail from the canyon.

"Well, I wouldn't have driven into the river if that little brat hadn't directed me to it!" yelled Marcus.

"I don't care!" yelled Regis. "You should have known better than to listen to a kid!"

The two stormed up to Phil.

"Hello, Phil!" said Marcus. "We're finally here!"

"Go ahead, tell us the bad news!" said Regis.

"Marcus and Regis," said Phil "if you will just insert your time card in the clock, you will be deemed the official winners of the Cannonball Run."

Marcus and Regis looked at him in shock. "What was that?" asked Marcus.

"Punch the clock! Go!" said David.

Regis ran over and jammed their time card into the clock. Then, he and Marcus high-fived each other.

"Truce?" asked Marcus.

"Truce." said Regis. "Let's blow the prize money on drinks."

XXXXXXXXXX

(Super Dave wins)

While the Cannonballers were trying to sort out the crowd that they were in, Super Dave drove up on the opposite side of the canyon.

"Great, I'm on the wrong side of the canyon." said Super Dave. "How did that happen?"

"Super, they appear to be stuck somehow." said Fuji.

"I think you're right, Fuji." said Super Dave. "But there's too much chance they're going to figure something out before we manage to navigate our way over there."

"And if they don't, we'll get stuck as well." said Fuji. "We need a different plan."

"Fuji, do you think we can make a jump over the canyon right now?" asked Super Dave.

"I think it's possible, if we use all of our remaining nitrous." said Fuji.

"Okay, Fuji." said Super Dave. "Seeing as I'm a trained professional, I can't ask you to risk your life doing this."

"Nice running with you, Super." said Fuji as he climbed out.

Super Dave turned around and drove to the entrance. He then turned around and floored the accelerator. Fuji raised his hand and surveyed the launch road. When Super Dave reached a certain point, Fuji dropped his hand and Super Dave hit his nitrous.

The Alarde rocketed down the road and launched off a rock. The car flew over the canyon towards the finish.

"Looks like I'm going to make it." said Super Dave. "Nice work, Fuji."

Suddenly, someone parked a car in Super Dave's landing area.

"Oh no!" yelled Super Dave.

The someone ran from the car a couple of seconds before the Alarde crashed into it and went tumbling across the parking lot.

"Record pain!" yelled Super Dave.

"Ooh!" groaned David.

"I guess that's why they clear their landing areas first." said Frankie.

The Alarde ricocheted off of a truck and slid across the finish line on its roof. Schwag grabbed the time clock and carried it to the overturned car. Super Dave slipped his hand out of the window and punched his card in the clock.

Phil ran over to the wrecked Lotus. "Super Dave Osbourne?" he said. "I am happy to tell you that you are now the official winner of the Cannonball Run."

"Sensational." said Super Dave. "Put it on my medical chart."

"As the winner, you have successfully won the sum of two-hundred, fifty million dollars." said Phil.

"Great." said Super Dave. "Give half of it to Fuji, bury me with the rest."

Later...

A taxi pulled up to the finish line and Fuji climbed out. He ran over to Schwag and asked "Where's Super?"

"Right over there." said Schwag as he pointed.

"Thank you." said Fuji.

He ran over to where Schwag pointed.

"Never seen it this bad before." said one man.

"Survival doesn't look likely." said another.

"What?" asked a now worried Fuji. He ran over and saw the men were looking at the mangled Alarde.

"I'm over here, Fuji." said Super Dave. He was strapped to a stretcher which was being loaded into a waiting ambulance.

"Oh, Super." said Fuji. "I'm so glad to see you're alive."

"This is living?" asked Super Dave. "By the way, Fuji, good work with that impromptu canyon jump. The good news is we're the official winners."

"Really?" asked Fuji. "I knew we could do it!"

"The bad news is that most of the prize is going towards my medical bills." said Super Dave.

"Ooh." said Fuji.


	18. Music Video

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Music Video

AN:The song featured in this video is a parody of "Wonderwall" by Oasis.

The starting line for the race appeared in black and white. The Super Taxi, which appeared in yellow, pulled up the start. Stanley climbed out, strutted over to the time clock, and stuck his card in. That's when the music started.

As the strumming of the guitar was heard, Stanley drove out and passed Jim West sitting in the back of a pickup while playing guitar.

Stanley drove and looked over his shoulder. A close-up of the front tire was seen. Al's face appeared in the center with his hair in a John Lennon style and wearing John Lennon style glasses. Then, he started to sing.

**Today, there's gonna be a race,  
from New York to L.A.**

A new shot showed Al in the backseat of the Super Taxi with Steve Jay and "Bermuda" Schwartz.

**By now, you should've gotten into,  
your Nissan or your Chevrolet.**

A new shot showed Al, Steve, and Bermuda in the backseat while Stanley drove and Jim sat in the front seat. The musicians played toy versions of their usual instruments.

**I do believe that there will be,  
some fun along the way,  
before we're there.**

Al leaned forward.

**Backbeat, the cars are on the street,  
and they're revving up and peeling out.  
I'm sure the Lotus and the Ford,  
are now leadng. There can be no doubt.  
I do believe that everybody's,  
gunning for the lead,  
right about now.**

Al sat in a racing seat as it rotated.

**And all the roads we have to drive are guarded.  
The cops were were all tipped off before we started.**

And back to the car interior.

**There are many excuses I'd like to try on them,  
but I don't know how.**

**And maybe,  
we're gonna go a little crazy.  
'Cause after all,**

Al was once again seen in the center of the wheel.

**it's the Cannonball.**

And once again in the rotating racing seat.

**Today is gonna be the day,  
that we're gonna cross the finish line.**

And back in the car.

**By now, you should've somehow,  
realized that we made good time.  
I don't believe that anybody,  
else has come this far,  
before us now.**

**And all the roads that lead us there are winding.  
And half the state police is now behind me.**

Police lights flashed in the background.

**There are many things that I would like to say to them,  
but I can't right now.**

**And maybe,  
we're gonna beat the Ferrari.  
And have a ball,  
in the Cannonball.**

Stanley now sat in back with Al while holding a bullhorn.

**I said maybe.**

Stanley turned to Al with the bullhorn and said,

**(Said maybe.)**

Al recoiled in shock.

**We're going for fame and glory.**

Al appeared in the center of the wheel.

**And after all,  
win the Cannonball.**

And back in the car.

**I said maybe.**

Stanley aimed the bullhorn at Al and said,

**(Said maybe.)**

Al recoiled again.

**I was the guy who just said maybe.**

Stanley aimed the bullhorn forward and said,

**(Said maybe.)**

Al sang,

**I was the guy who just said maybe.**

Stanley dropped the bullhorn and said,

**(Said maybe.)**

Al sang,

**I was the guy who just said maybe.**

Stanley drove the car across the finish line. The band got out of the car and were given a trophy reading "Last place". They held it up and cheered. Stanley said something to Al which made him open his eyes wide. Jim handed a model car to Al and walked away. Al and the rest of the band soon followed.


	19. Trailers, Scene Inspiration, Commentary

Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive 

Trailers, Scene Inspirations, Director's Commentary.

(trailer 1)

The highway in Australia was seen.

"Welcome to the latest running of the Cannonball Run." said Phil in voiceover.

The Stadt was seen racing down a highway in France.

"A new race is waiting in the wings." said Phil.

Super Dave was seen walking to his car in slow motion.

"No fewer than forty-two teams are..." said Phil.

Phil was seen and continued "...preparing to take part and show off how we..."

He was cut off by Velma's scream and Animal chasing her through the crowd while yelling "Woman! Woman!"

Several cars were seen racing through a town in China.

"To be a Cannonballer, you have to be an excellent driver." said the announcer.

The Emu drifted to a halt next to the lagoon on Gilligan's Island. Crow said "Mike, you couldn't outdrive Billy Joel."

"You have to be crafty." said the announcer.

Hank drove the Jones J450 through the river in Africa and into the gas station.

"That was quite an entrance." said Leonardo. "The rest of us drove across the bridge."

"You have to be completely insane." said the announcer.

James Bond jumped the twisted bridge in Australia. The Victory did a rollover in mid-air.

"My last date said I was a little twisted." said James.

"It's a matter of style, you can't fake it." said the announcer.

Ford jumped his bike onto the roof of the train in South America.

"If you've got the soul, you can make it." said the announcer.

The Knight took the brunt of a Gatling Tank's machine gun fire in Asia.

The Sentinel was seen exploding.

"Go! Go!" yelled someone in the Vermont fortress.

The Baja Buggy raced through the Sahara Desert.

The Boost raced through the frozen wasteland of Antarctica.

The Zender Alpha raced through Pennsylvania, then the screen went dark and the car raced across the screen, leaving the title in its wake.

"Cannonball Run 5!" said the announcer.

A quick shot of someone changing gears was seen.

"Overdrive!" said the announcer.

(trailer 2)

The Cohete and Monsoni were seen racing through the American heartland.

"In a world ruled by horsepower," said the announcer.

Several cars were seen leaving the Australian roadhouse.

DeMarco was seen standing on his balcony.

"one man will dare to disrupt the world's most outrageous race." said the announcer.

"Do these motor madmen know how to spend it properly? No." said DeMarco.

"But he didn't count on something:" said the announcer.

The Veloci was seen racing through Georgia.

The Jersey XS and Modo Prego were seen racing in Asia.

The Saikou raced out from between the two trucks in Africa.

"The hottest cars," said the announcer.

Beavis and Butthead leafed through a porno magazine in the Kwik-E-Mart.

Monk smashed the remaining light on the Paris Cop Car.

Meowth shredded George's copy of the Midnight Star.

"The craziest competitors," said the announcer.

Willow cast a magic bubble at Joe and Max.

Knuckles attacked the Elegy with his Hammer Gloves.

The T-X extended an antenna from her finger and touched it to the tank's control.

"The strangest powers," said the announcer.

Stanley held out his cape as Captain Chaos.

"And this guy." said the announcer.

The Modicum XSV was seen jumping the gorge in Korea.

Bowser was seen jumping into the pool and splitting it.

The Monstruo was seen jumping onto the back of the Flatbed.

Tanner and Everett were seen jumping from the Sea Phantom.

The Cocotte was seen dropping into the ocean.

The title crashed into the screen.

"Cannonball Run 5! Overdrive!" said the announcer.

DeMarco stormed through his mansion and growled "I'm so mad, I could explode!"

Memphis, Dominic, and Jesse posed by the entrance to the wrecking yard while the auto shredder exploded in the background.

(scene inspiration)

**The Fast and the Furious:  
** -(chapter 1) George vs. J.J. drag race.  
-(chapter 2) Simpsons' intro.

**Monster Garage:  
** -(chapter 2) Team Looney Tunes' intro.  
-(chapter 4) The Sabre's demise.  
-(chapter 5) The Stallion's demise.

**Scarface:  
** -(chapter 2) J.D's daydream during Team Fowl's intro.

**The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: Across the Eighth Dimension:  
** -(chapter 2) Team Banzai's intro.  
-(chapter 9) Buckaroo identifies Marybeth.

**The Cannonball Run:  
** -(chapter 2) Super Dave's intro.

**Dude, Where's My Car?:  
** -(chapter 2) Jesse and Chester's intro.

**Short Circuit:  
** -(chapter 2) Jarod and Johnny Five's intro.

**Super Dave:  
** -(chapter 3) The Alarde getting smashed against the wall.

**Police Academy:  
** -(chapter 3) Mahoney parks the New York Patrol Car.  
-(chapter 11) Foyt vs. the Simpsons.  
-Mahoney points out Jessie's wig.  
-(chapter 13) Hooks apprehends DeMarco.  
-Tackleberry misses his moment.

**Speed Zone:  
** -(chapter 3) Race start.  
-(chapter 7) Lara skips the ocean.  
-(chapter 8) Rob jumps the river.  
-(chapter 9) Corvax vs. the van.  
-(chapter 11) Ghosts on the highway.

**The Gumball Rally:  
** -(chapter 3) First rule of Polecat Racing.  
-(chapter 9) Kid warms up.

**Full Throttle (the game):  
** -(chapter 4) Ben jumps the Crusero.

**If Looks Could Kill:  
** -(chapter 4) Paul and Feliz chase the Simpsons.

**Flight of the Navigator:  
** -(chapter 4) Jarod and Johnny Five get lost.

**2 Fast, 2 Furious:  
** -(chapter 4) The Oceanic gets flattened.  
-(chapter 14) Ford and Kid get pulled over.  
-(chapter 16) Jarod misspeaks his line.

**Caddyshack 2:  
** -(chapter 4) Everett takes out the caterer.  
-(chapter 5) Everett tries to recommend a meal.  
-(chapter 13) Everett vs. Slimer.

**The Man With the Golden Gun:  
** -(chapter 6) Bond jumps the river.

**The Transporter:  
** -(chapter 6) Marcus and Regis hijack the truck.  
-(chapter 12) Marcus enters the fortress.

**beer commercial:  
**-(chapter 6) Regis gets scared by the dummy.

**Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade:  
** -(chapter 6) Max swings on the hook.  
-(chapter 9) Butler vs. the Hot Alien Chicks.  
-Bond vs. the Lasher tanks.  
-(chapter 10) Stanley vs. the trailer trucks.  
-(chapter 13) Fowl and his team take a tank.

**Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory:  
** -(chapter 7) Maya predicts a winner.

**Black Sheep** (suggested by Generation X7)  
-(chapter 7) Modo Prego breaks nitrous line.

**Vanishing Point:  
** -(chapter 7) Race for the bridge.

**The Faculty:  
** -(chapter 8) Malcolm is attacked.

**Nash Bridges:  
** -(chapter 8) Phantom disco.

**Torque:  
** -(chapter 8) Ford escapes Kid.

**Romancing the Stone:  
**-(chapter 8) The Knight jumps the river.

**The Meteor Man:  
** -(chapter 8) Darden and Korpi get high.

**Spaceballs** (with a little bit of **Howard the Duck** thrown in)  
-(chapter 9) Worker gets attacked.

**Wayne's World:  
** -(chapter 9) "Would you have any Grey Poupon"  
-(chapter 13) Garth's belt.

**Arrested Development:  
** -(chapter 9) "Dead lizard, do not eat." (episode "Top Banana")  
-Annie finds out what she did. (episode "Motherboy XXX")  
-(chapter 10) Hsu scares his opponents. (also "Motherboy XXX")  
-(chapter 11) Dublin police vs. Bernie. (episode "Meat The Veals")  
-(chapter 13) Star Wars Kid. (episode "Sword of Destiny")  
-(chapter 16) Gob's fireball fails to ignite. (episode "Burning Love")

**Midnight Club 3:  
** -(chapter 9) Snowplow collision.

**The Amazing Race:  
** -(chapter 10) Dominic makes the tribesman a deal.  
-(chapter 11) Hsu complements Belgium.

**Planes, Trains, and Automobiles:  
** -(chapter 10) Mario makes a very wrong turn.

**Sahara:  
** -(chapter 10) Ethan makes good use of a flare gun.  
-Max and Highway go sailing.

**The Fall Guy:  
** -(chapter 10) Motorcycle obstacle course.

**Big Trouble:  
**-(chapter 11) Jezz on the radio.  
-Jesse and Chester run from Darden and Korpi.  
-Darden and Korpi on the plane.

**RV:  
** -(chapter 11) Mystery Inc. takes a shortcut.

**Fraiser:  
** -(chapter 11) Kermit finds out where he is.

**Rainbow's "Death Alley Driver" music video:  
** -(chapter 11) Lone Wolf vs. black van.

**Now You See Him, Now You Don't:  
** -(chapter 11) The Veloci goes invisible.

**The Smashing Pumpkins' "Perfect" music video:  
** -(chapter 11) Johnny and Lance vs. police car.

**Kazzer's "Pedal To The Metal" music video:  
** -(chapter 11) Sonic vs. other racers on foot.

**The Apprentice:  
** -(chapter 12) Meeting in the cabin.

**UHF:  
**-(chapter 12) Poker game.  
-Stanley's escape.

**The Matrix:  
** -(chapter 12) Come on.

**The Road Warrior:  
** -(chapter 12) Jesse dares DeMarco.

**Tale Spin:  
** -(chapter 13) The flamethrower. (episode "Mach One For The Gipper")

**candy commercial:  
** -(chapter 13) Beavis' daydream.

**Terminator 2:  
** -(chapter 13) Snake surprises Johnny Sasaki.  
-Tommy and Max vs. Christine.

**Smokey And The Bandit 2:  
** -(chapter 13) Chasing Yuri's army.

**Donkey Kong:  
** -(chapter 13) Mario climbs the tower.

**Christine:  
** -(chapter 13) Christine's last song.

**Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom:  
** -(chapter 13) Christine gets crushed.

**Police Academy 2:  
** -(chapter 13) Mahoney reads the HAC their rights.

**National Lampoon's European Vacation:  
** -(chapter 14) Photo op at the Twine Ball.

**Cannonball:  
** -(chapter 14) Wario's cheat is discovered.

**It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World:  
** -(chapter 14) Marcus drives into the water.

**Old School:  
** -(chapter 14) Regis makes an announcement.

**Ridge Racer Type 4:  
** -(chapter 14) The final parking arrangement.

**Seinfeld:  
** -(chapter 16) The Super Taxi fails to start. (episode: "The Parking Garage")

**Mischief: Invasion:  
** -(chapter 16) The Torrida loses its spoiler.

**Just Like Heaven:  
** -(chapter 16) Bernie's nose.

**Smashing Pumpkins' "Today" video:  
** -(chapter 17) Tanner drives the Mr. Whoopie.

**3 lbs:  
**-(chapter 17) Lara's hands fight over her zipper.

(director's commentary)

"Hello, I'm R.J. Justin." said the Australian man in the chair. "You might remember my work directing the popular Australian chase film 'The Mad Dash', or the riveting thriller 'Hot Tempered', or even the popular American television series..."

A long bleep was heard accompanied by the caption "Series produced by a rival studio."

"But enough about my past works." continued Justin. "I'm not here to talk about them. I'm here to talk about this work, 'Cannonball Run 5: Overdrive'.

"When Hal Needham asked me to direct the film, I thought he'd gone bonzer loco. I mean, we're talking about the sequel to a rather lucrative franchise here. And he's handing it off to a relative upstart? 'Okay, I'll give it a shot.' I said.

"All throughout the shoot, I was worried I was going to do something wrong and get the fans all pissed off. Luckily, Hal stayed on hand to guide me through it and I must say I was rather pleased with the results. I think it worked well."

The scene where Lara's team confronted the Australian cop who pulled them over was shown.

"Well, except for this scene." said Justin. "The actor playing this cop was just awful. I should have fired this guy on the spot. Wait a minute. I think it's actually me in a cameo."

The black van was seen attacking one of the cars.

"This was one of Hal's suggestions." said Justin. "While we were talking about the shoot, we got to talking about his earlier works. This was inspired by a movie he did for television, 'Death Car On The Freeway'. I wonder if that's of any relation to Death Cab For Cutie? Anyways, we talked about this movie that was about a psychotic killer in a black van that attacked other drivers who performed minor infractions on the road. Kinda like that whole road rage thing that went on in the nineties."

Mitzi and her girls were seen.

"I'd like to take this moment to thank Mitzi Martin and her 'Dude' co-stars for reprising their roles." said Justin. "However, I think a lot of the male cast members were a little disappointed to discover she still had a boyfriend when we shot."

The scene where Mitzi and company are arrested was seen.

"This scene was a headache to shoot." said Justin. "Not because of the actors and extras and getting the lines correct and everything. It was because of the practical joke Team Rocket played on them during the shoot. I thought they'd know better after the prank with the cuffs in Africa. When I do Cannonball Run 6, I think I'll try to do as few scenes with handcuffs as possible."

The scene in Tanner's room where he faces off with Super Dave and the Bluths was seen.

"This particular scene was just brilliant." said Justin. "I thought the writers and set designers were just great working this out. You see the poster on the wall reading 'The Beer Molecule', then Gob throws the fireball."

Gob threw the fireball and Tanner fell over and tore the corner off of his poster.

"And Tanner rips off the corner." said Justin. "And from this angle, you can see what I'm talking about. The remaining words on the poster reading 'The Mole' and the two arrows pointing to the unconcious Tanner. Just a little foreshadowing through set design.

"One of my biggest regrets was not being able to fit in all of the teams we chose. However, I talked it over with the producer and we're planning on working them in as a Special Edition. Keep your eyes open for that.

"Anyways, I hope you found this commentary insightful and entertaining. I hope you found the movie good too. We had fun making it and I hope you had fun watching it. See ya."


End file.
